Food Labels Are Lying to You and Here's Why

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All right, I need you to do me a favor real quick.

Think about the last thing that you ate.

No, imagine finding out.

It's not actually what you thought it was.

That's the kind of episode that we're going to do today.

Because I've got five food stories that sound completely made up.

But every single one of them is real.

I mean, we're talking a sandwich that might not even be what it claims to be.

Ingredients, you've 100% eaten without realizing.

And one fast food decision that honestly, in my opinion, might have crossed a line.

And I promise you this by the time that we get done and through.

And even two story number three.

You're either going to laugh or you're going to start siding your fridge like it owes you some money.

So grab a snack and maybe check the label first.

Always check the date because you never know how old it's been sitting in there.

And well, I say we maybe get right into this welcome back.

Everybody to another edition of Street Sign Storytime.

Just kidding.

That's what we do on Sundays where I travel all across the place.

You know, the county and everything.

And I find street names with history.

You can find that over on our, well, this channel here.

This is the stay out of my fridge.

The longest running show on the Beard Laws and Network.

And well, it's been never revolving co-hosts because well,

the kids are busy again this week.

Come to find out when you have dance and basketball and softball and more softball

and more basketball and more dance than, well, you don't exactly have a lot of time.

And when we're on the road a lot for whatever reason,

teenage kids get a little extra cranky when they're tired.

So you're stuck with me.

But the good news is we got a co-host that's going to make an appearance

throughout the episode.

And I think you've known me a love them.

Well, maybe you love them, but maybe you don't.

But maybe you know them and maybe you don't.

It's the one and only Luther Grimwood Luther.

What is going on?

Welcome to, well, I guess welcome back to stay out of my fridge.

I know you're also the co-host of the Triple T podcast that is home right here.

Or, you know, shown home of, I don't know the right terminology,

but on the Beard Laws Network.

Well, you nailed it or at least nailed it to the fridge, right?

Luther Grimwood is back in the house and whether folks love or just mildly tolerate him,

he's here to stir the pot or the fridge.

And yeah, between Triple Two and Beard Laws,

you got yourself a nice content sandwich.

So let's crack open the fridge and see what's fresh this time.

Luther, you've been drinking or you tired or something because not only

are you already referring to yourself in the third person,

which I think you do it because you know what drives me nuts.

You said Triple Two, which is funny because it's Triple T.

And you don't stir a fridge.

Come on, man, you good?

Oh, you caught me.

I must have been too busy stirring imaginary parts

in my brain just slipped a gear.

Triple T, Julie noted.

Now extra two's allowed.

And yeah, I promise I won't try to whisk a refrigerator anytime soon.

I'm good.

Just keeping you on your toes.

Let's rock it.

No third person antics this time.

Oh, I'm on my toes.

You don't worry about that.

Remember, I coach and I got a house full of kids.

I'm always on my toes.

But either way, I just real quick before we get into this,

I would love it if you guys took a couple of minutes out of your day.

Some day doesn't have to be right now.

But at some point, just check out the friends of the show.

They mean a lot to myself, to Luther,

everybody a part of the brand.

And if it wasn't for them, then you know,

the show might not be what it is today.

So you're probably thinking, who am I talking about?

Well, if you've seen the show, it's live bearded.

Of course, in my opinion, the best beard brand in the world.

They're a bearded company.

And I'm rocking the 1880 cent today.

You want to smell like me or you want to just mix it up a little bit.

I don't know what a live bearded that come.

You guys can use code beard laws if you'd like.

But no, it's cool.

They have a 365 day guarantee that if you're not happy with your beard products,

they will make it right.

Nobody else is doing that.

That's what I call a beardy safety net.

If only life had a 365 day guarantee,

like try this parenting thing, return for a nat if not satisfied.

But hey, if live bearded's got your 1880 vibe on lock,

it sounds like it's worth checking out.

Code and all.

And now that we've got our beards covered,

let's cover what's next on the pod.

Well, what's next is squatch juice.

I have been loving.

I feel better.

I just feel better mentally.

I have better focus.

It just makes me feel so much better.

And I would love if you guys started feeling a little bit better,

a little healthier.

The weather might turn.

It's probably nice everywhere else except for where I live.

So check it out squatchjuice.com.

Slash beard laws.

You can thank me later.

I know Luther is a huge fan of the lemonade.

I think it was.

I all weekend was strawberry kiwi.

Feeling good.

Feeling energized.

Feeling focused.

You know me too well.

I'm practically the lemonade spokesperson at this point.

And you're right.

Well, your weather might be playing hard to get.

Squatch juice is like sunshine in a glass.

Strawberry kiwi lemonade.

Either way, we're basically unstoppable.

So if the fridge stays out of your way,

you've got all the energy to conquer whatever's next.

Let's roll.

Yeah, let's roll.

Before we roll too hard, I even started taking the squatch juice,

mixing it all up, putting in the fridge overnight.

So when I wake up, it's just extra crispy, extra cold.

Oh, baby.

It's good stuff.

That's next level planning.

You've got yourself a fridge full of focus just waiting for you in the morning.

I mean, who needs a snooze button when you've got a chilled bottle of liquid

awesomeness waiting?

Honestly, if that's how you're starting your day,

the rest of it doesn't stand a chance.

Let's roll with that energy.

All right.

Let's roll with that energy.

And let's start a little hot, Luther,

because this one made the entire internet collectively kind of go away.

What?

And if you don't know what I'm talking about, sorry.

I'm buckled up.

No worries until we're in sync.

I wasn't cutting you off.

Just warming up for whatever internet bombshell you've got.

Hit me with it, and we'll both be buckled out.

See, I knew you were going to do that.

Would you like me to hit you with your best shot and fire away?

I mean, if you're going to pat Benosami, I'm ready.

Hit me with your best shot, fire away.

I know that you're ringtone.

Anyways, back in 2021,

a lawsuit was filed against Subway.

You know what the claim was?

That their tuna wasn't actually tuna.

Not bad tuna.

Not low quality tuna.

The lawsuit claimed that there was no tuna.

DNA found it all.

And just let that sit with you for a second.

Oh, I remember that.

That whole saga had everyone questioning their sandwiches like amateur detectives.

I mean, you walk him for a sub,

and suddenly you're in a fishy conspiracy thriller.

But hey, it did get people talking.

Though I'm still hoping my sandwich stays a hundred percent sandwich.

I can honestly say in my 40 one years of existence,

I have never walked into a subway and asked for a tuna sub.

I don't know about you, man.

But I have to imagine that if you're going there for a tuna,

it's pretty easy just to pick up a 99 cent can of tuna fish.

You already probably have some mayonnaise.

That's your move in your fridge and probably a slice of bread or something to slap it on.

I mean, am I right?

You're right on the money.

I mean, if I'm craving tuna, I can whip up a quick tuna mill at home without the mystery.

But hey, some folks like their subs with a side of suspense.

As for me, I'll probably stick to something less.

Investigatively fishy.

Well, I'll say that five times first, but you can't.

You've got me there.

I'll leave the tongue twisters to the pros.

But hey, no mystery.

This chat's been a blast and now I'm craving a sandwich.

Let's keep it rolling.

Well, I mean, so let's circle back.

There was no tuna.

DNA found it all because of, let's be honest.

If this is true, what were we actually eating?

I mean, what were those sandwiches actually made of?

If it's not tuna, I don't even know if I want to know the answer of what it actually was.

Yeah, sometimes it's better not to pick behind the curtain or in this case,

the sandwich wrap.

Let's just say, if it wasn't tuna,

I hope it was something that at least went well with mayonnaise.

But hey, mystery me or not, it definitely gave us some dinner table conversation.

Maybe stick to the turkey sub next time.

Yeah, turkey or ham or even a meatball.

The other day, they had a thing where they were trying to sell a million meatball

that subway or something.

It took advantage of it, but it seemed like every single shop had a different deal that they were

thinking. Anyways, so here's kind of what happened with the whole

tuna debacle, all right, two plaintiffs.

They had samples tested in a lab.

Could you imagine just being like, all right,

I don't think there's enough tuna DNA in the sub.

Let's send it for testing to a lab.

Like, where would you even send it to a lab?

I don't think there's anywhere around here that would be able to send it to, right?

Oh, I can't even imagine walking into a lab and saying,

hey, could you analyze my lunch?

But yeah, you probably have to send it to one of those fancy food-tasting labs that do DNA

analysis because apparently nothing sacred, not even your sandwich.

But hey, at least someone at the time, I'm probably a grudge to get to the bottom of it.

Yeah, and according to the lab and all of these scientists,

the people, there was no identifiable tuna DNA that was in the subway tuna.

And of course, the internet decided to do what it always does,

loses its virtual mind.

Oh, absolutely.

The internet loves a good freak out session.

I mean, who needs a plot twist when your sandwich provides one, right?

At the end of the day, whether it's tuna, not tuna, or mystery of the deep,

the internet will always be ready with the popcorn, or in this case, a sub.

Do you have any best guesses without, you know,

if you know the case and you know the outcome of this, don't say it,

and if you don't know exactly, do you have any guesses of what it could actually be instead of tuna?

Oh, if I'm guessing, I'm going full internet mode.

Maybe it's a chickpea conspiracy or tofu sneaky cousin,

but hey, maybe it's just another type of fish that got a little shy on the DNA test.

Whatever it was, it sure kept us entertained.

Hmm, okay, well, and well, subway, they came out swinging.

You know what they said, Luther?

They said, our tuna is 100% real tuna.

And they didn't just leave it right there.

They actually pointed to their suppliers, the industry standards,

even FDA compliance, basically saying, this is legit,

but then the expert step in.

And this is where it starts to get a little bit weird,

because they actually explain tuna like this is pretty heavily processed.

It's cooked, it's broken down, and it's mixed.

And sometimes, just sometimes, apparently,

allegedly, the DNA gets so degraded that it's hard to detect.

So now we've got two possibilities, Luther,

that are a little bit different.

It's either not tuna, or it is tuna,

but science can't prove that it's tuna anymore.

The classic Schrodinger's tuna situation, both is and isn't at the same time.

Honestly, it's a plot twist now what I asked for.

But hey, whether it's a tuna that's having an identity crisis,

or just really shy DNA, is one for the books.

At the end of the day, if you're ordering a sub,

you're probably just hungry anyway.

Yeah, and I don't know how I feel about it.

It's either not tuna, or it is tuna,

but science and a bunch of smart brains and a lab can't prove that it is tuna.

I don't think that that makes me feel better at all.

I think we've reached a point where your sandwich is either fake or

scientifically unrecognizable, but here's the kicker, Luther.

The lawsuit was dropped in 2023, and there was no final ruling.

No, yes, it's fake, no, yep, it's real, just gone, done.

And I feel like that is exactly what makes this stick,

because there's no closure, there's no answer,

there's just vibes and mystery tuna.

Exactly, it's like the internet's version of a cliffhanger series,

no season finale.

We're just left with a maybe tuna saga.

But hey, in a world of mystery meats and unself subs,

I guess we just have to laugh it off and stick to sandwiches we recognize,

like PB&J, no DNA test requires.

That's what I go to every day for lunch, because I read somewhere that if you

have a peanut butter and jelly, it adds a couple of minutes to your life or something.

So I'm trying real hard to add some extra minutes to my life.

But either way, if this whole tuna thing, tuna gate, can we call it?

You'll probably come up with some better in that.

But if that whole thing doesn't make you question what's actually in your food,

just wait until we talk about what's hiding in your air quotes and natural ingredients.

So let's make this a little uncomfortable out there.

There's an ingredient.

That's in candy, it's in yogurt, and it's in some drinks,

and it comes from bugs.

You know what I'm talking about?

Carmine.

Also cold.

Can, can, can Cockneyle extract a natural red for?

I don't know if I said that right, did I?

You nailed it well enough.

Carmine, Cockneyle, that little red dye courtesy of some tiny bugs.

Makes you rethink that vibrant candy, huh?

But hey, at least they call it natural, even if it's a bugs natural.

So next time you see that beautiful red, you can thank the bug squad.

Now do you think that if kids and all of these other people really knew that that bright red candy

and all that junk that they're eating was made from crushed insects?

I mean, straight up, do you think that they would still eat them?

Oh, I can just imagine the looks on their faces.

But let's be real.

After the initial EW, that candy's still going in their mouth.

I mean, if it tastes good enough,

people have a way of conveniently forgetting the bug parts.

So while it might cause a moment of cause, I'd bet the sweet tooth wins out.

The bugs will just be our secret ingredient.

Yeah, and before anybody listening is like, nah, not me.

Yeah, you, you, you've ate that.

I guarantee it because it's been using products and that are sold at Starbucks,

Danon, Tropicana, that bright red or pink color.

Yeah, that's probably not strawberries.

Somewhere out there, there's a guy saying I only eat natural foods while I'm knowingly sipping

on liquefied crushed insects.

Oh, absolutely.

Nothing like a little bug surprise in your natural smoothie, right?

That's the beauty of it.

Half the time we're blissfully unaware.

So whether it's a little beetle boost or a tuna mystery, I guess the moral is,

enjoy your food.

But maybe don't think too hard about the ingredients.

Yeah, I wouldn't think too hard.

Almost like if you're trying to think what's actually an ad dog, maybe,

maybe don't Google that.

But here's a, here's a little bit of the twist.

This is FDA approved.

It's completely legal.

And in many cases, it's used instead of artificial dye.

So technically, it's the better option.

But the issue isn't that it exists.

It's that most people have no idea what they're actually eating.

Exactly.

It's not the bug dye that's the villain.

It's the element of surprise.

If people know, they might just shrug and say, uh, crunchy.

But when you think it's strawberry and it's beetle, that's when the fun begins.

At least we can say we're adventurous eaters, even when we don't mean to be.

Yeah, and I mean, if anybody's like me and you've seen like natural ingredients,

I think you automatically start to feel good.

Not only about the purchase, but what you're eating.

But meanwhile, I mean, you're basically just drinking a bug smoothie, right?

Pretty much.

Natural is a feel good word, but nature's got some curveballs,

like beetle juice, but not the movie.

So yeah, next time you see natural, just no mother nature's got her own menu.

Bugs and all.

Can you not say the word of a movie two more times?

Because we don't need them to appear, especially when we're talking about, you know,

crushed insects and how it's in all of the food that we probably love.

Don't worry, I'm on a strict one's book conversation policy.

No unexpected appearances.

Just us and a little bug powered color.

We'll keep the food spooky enough on its own.

Appreciate that, buddy.

And speaking of things that you don't expect to behave the way that it might be behaving,

why don't we talk about ice cream that refuses to melt like it should?

And maybe you've seen the videos and maybe you haven't, but it's a certain ice cream

and it's sitting out and it just doesn't melt almost like it's like Luther.

It's just built different and there's one brand.

That always gets dragged into this conversation.

McDonald's soft serve.

Oh yeah, McDonald's soft.

Oh McDonald's soft serve, the enigma of the dessert world.

It's like the ice cream that's moonlighting as a science experiment.

I mean, it's delicious, but when it doesn't melt like normal ice cream,

you start wondering if it's got superpowers or just a secret identity.

Either way, built different indeed.

Built different indeed.

And it's kind of ironic that this is made headlines because any time and most time,

people actually try to go and get McDonald's soft serve ice cream.

They're, well, their machine seems to always be down.

Do you think this is McDonald's like counter what's the word I'm looking for?

It's their move, so people will stop eating this unmetable ice cream and making fun of them

that their soft serve machine is down.

Oh, it's the ultimate defense, Mick.

Honestly, that would be the ultimate plot twist.

McDonald's playing 4D chess with the ice cream machine,

but I think it's just their machines being devised.

Meanwhile, the ice cream's out here, surviving heatwaves.

Maybe it's all part of the mistake.

If you can actually get it, you've earned that weirdly resilient code.

And to be clear, this isn't fake.

I mean, it's definitely not fake, but there's a reason that it does act differently.

It comes down to emulsifiers and stabilizers.

These ingredients, they maintain texture.

They're slow melting and they keep consistency and they're used everywhere.

But the more you use, the longer something holds a shape.

So when people see ice cream not melting like normal, it just feels off.

So if your ice cream is surviving longer than your willpower,

we might need to ask some questions because your brain expects ice cream equals melts fast.

So when it doesn't, you start to wonder, what exactly am I eating?

Exactly, it's all about expectations.

Ice cream's supposed to drip down your hand, not stare back at you in defiance.

But hey, a little stabilizer magic and suddenly it's the superhero of soft serve.

As long as it's tasty, maybe we can forgive it for being a little too resilient.

Just maybe.

At least we can confidently say that McDonald's their ice cream.

It's not all natural.

So there's probably not bugs in it.

And if you think that that's pushing the limits,

wait until you see what fast food has actually turned into.

Because this one, this store right here, this one, it made me pause.

Because I do respect creativity.

But this feels like we crossed a line.

KFC decided at one point, bread optional.

You know what they did?

They made sandwiches where the bun is replaced by fried chicken.

Let me say that one more time.

The chicken is the bread.

I mean, talk about going full chicken.

Ah yes, the infamous KFC double down.

A sandwich so bold, it said who needs bread when we've got chicken for days.

It's like they looked at a sandwich and thought,

what if we make it more chicken?

I mean, talk about protein packed.

It's a world ride, but hey, sometimes you just have to admire the audacity.

Do you though?

Because I mean, now you have chicken, bacon, cheese, sauce stacked between two more pieces of chicken.

I mean, at that point, you're just holding a flavor avalanche.

Bread tapped out and KFC said, don't worry, we've got you covered in chicken.

It's definitely a go big or go home sandwich,

though maybe with a side of don't look at the calorie count.

But hey, is a testament to human creativity and I love a fried chicken.

What was the calorie count on those KFC sandwiches that was chicken

is bread because I mean, at one point, your brain needs to go, this isn't a sandwich.

This is a life decision.

Oh, it was definitely a life decision.

Those bad boys clotted in somewhere around 500 to 600 calories each,

depending on the version.

So yeah, not just a sandwich, more like a commitment.

But hey, if you're going to skip the bread, might as well go all in, right?

Yeah, I guess you might as well just go all in and really clog those arteries.

Now listen, I get it. It's bold.

It's viral. It definitely gets attention.

But at some point, I mean, we really need to ask ourselves,

who is this actually for?

Because this isn't food anymore.

Is it really just content?

At that point, it's like food into the reality show.

Sure, someone out there thinking,

this is my dream sandwich.

But for the rest of us, yeah, it's content.

It's the, can you believe this moment?

A culinary stunt.

But hey, if it gave us a laugh or a viral podcast rant,

it definitely served its purpose.

And I have to imagine other countries are just kind of looking at us going,

what in the heck are the Americans doing?

When they couldn't get any lazier and fatter,

they just decided to add a sandwich with more deep fried chicken instead of the bread.

Oh, I'm sure it's a global meme.

Like, look at them over there, turning lunch into a dare.

But hey, if there's one thing we do, well, it's making headlines.

Whether it's moon landings or double chicken sandwiches.

At least we keep the world entertained.

Yeah, entertained.

Let's go with, let's go with that.

But all of this has now led us to the biggest thing that ties all of this together,

Luther, the one word that makes people feel safe.

But might not mean what you think.

Let's bring out home because this is the thread running through everything today.

The word natural feels healthy.

It feels like it made a good decision.

But here's the reality.

There's no strict FDA definition for natural on many products.

Meaning, many companies can simply just use it as long as it's not artificially created.

Exactly.

Natural is like the feel good buzz word with no rulebook.

It's like the world west of labels.

If it's not concocted in a lab, boom, it's natural.

So while we're out here sipping our beetle-died natural drinks

or munching on resilient ice cream, we've got to remember,

natural might just mean, well, not artificial.

But not exactly a health hailer.

It's all about the perception.

Yeah, I mean, we would have foods that are highly processed,

that are still labeled natural.

Still marketed is better for whatever reason.

So natural doesn't mean what you think it means.

It means what marketing simply needs it to mean.

You nailed it.

Natural is basically marketing's magic wand.

It doesn't mean straight from grandma's garden.

It means we made you feel good about this.

So whether it's beetle colored drinks

or ice cream that outlasts the summer day,

natural might just mean, hey, we thought you'd like the sound of this.

More of the story, redefine print,

that may be bring a sense of humor to the table.

How many people you think really do read the fine print

and things that they consume into their body?

Because I don't think it's a lot.

Oh, let's be honest.

Most of us skim the fine print like is the terms of service.

If it looks tasty and says natural,

we're halfway through the snack before we think twice.

But hey, that's where we have these chats,

to sprinkle a little curiosity on top of all those natural labels.

And why is it that all the stuff that's just natural

or filled with bugs and just not great for us tastes so darn good?

Because my friend, the universe has a sense of humor.

It's like, let's make the most questionable stuff

absolutely delicious.

If kale tasted like a warm doughnut,

we'd be unstoppable.

But hey, maybe it's life's way of keeping us on our toes

or in the drive-thru.

I mean, why don't they just make kale taste like warm donuts?

I mean, doesn't...

Aren't we at that point in our technology where we can?

I mean, I had some popcorn the other day

that tasted just like pizza, loaded baked potato,

and chicken parmesan.

See, we've cracked the code for popcorn.

So kale should be next in line.

Imagine kale with a glazed doughnut flavor.

Suddenly, we're all health knocks.

But hey, maybe that's the next frontier.

Until then, I guess we'll settle for pizza popcorn

and keep dreaming of kale donuts.

Yeah.

Now, you know what?

I'm not even going to do a dream of kale donuts.

What's the matter with you?

Let's think about everything

that we've kind of chatted about today, all right?

Because tuna?

May or may not be tuna.

Natural coloring?

It's probably made from bugs.

An ice cream engineered.

Not to melt.

Has fast food kind of pushing limits.

And it all comes down to one thing.

Perception versus reality.

Exactly.

What we see or

exactly.

It's all about what we think we're getting

versus what's actually going on under the hood

or under the bun.

But hey, a little curiosity goes a long way.

Now we know our natural might be bug powered.

Our tuna might be shy.

And our ice cream might survive the apocalypse.

Reality's a world ride.

But at least now we've got some fums X

and a lot of laughs.

Yeah, and a whole new way to look at

tuna and McDonald's ice cream.

Have you?

I'm being real with you.

I'm never ordering a tuna's anything

unless it's like the actual tuna fish.

Almost like you'd have it like a fish fry.

There's not a chance in heck

that I'm going to order a tuna sub

at any restaurant or a tuna mall.

I'm done with it now.

I don't know what to think with my life.

And maybe I'm just going to, you know,

tell everybody goodbye soon and go eat some

crushed insect red dye.

Hey, no existential.

I get you sometimes the truth about our food

can be well a bit barking.

But hey, you've got a legendary beard and a podcast.

If anyone can turn this into a great story, it's yeah.

No goodbyes needed.

Just keep rolling and I'll catch you next time.

I do want everybody to, you know,

kind of think of this the next time you open your fridge.

Thinking that you know exactly what you're about to eat.

I want you to remember that there's a decent chance

you have no idea what you're about to eat.

And if you made it this far,

I appreciate you more than the last lights of pizza

that nobody admits they ate.

And then you just see an empty box and some crumbs

and probably blame it on the dog.

But I do have to ask, let me know in the comments

which one of these stories shocked you the most.

And better yet, what's something food related

that you've seen that made you go.

And there's no way that's real.

Because we might just turn it into the next episode.

And honestly, we can't thank you enough

for taking some time out of your busy day

to come hang out with us.

And Luther, thank you for joining me again.

It's been a blast.

Thanks for having me along for the ride.

And hey, next time we'll tackle another

wild food adventure.

Until then, keep your fridge and your curiosity open.

Yeah, like Luther said.

Until next time, everybody.

Stay curious, stay skeptical.

And always, well, stay out of my fridge.

We'll be back next week.

Take care, everybody.

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