Found my SIGNIFICANT other PARTICIPATING in personal CONVERSATIONS during her usual game, so

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Found my significant other participating in personal conversations during her usual game,

so I listened in by her locked doorway for an extended period until I revealed the truth about

her gaming. Companion. Have been going out with my GF-25F for almost four years,

and we've been living together for a few months. She's funny and wonderful and kind and

honestly pretty much everything I ever wanted in a girl. She's also a bit of a D&D type nerd,

which I don't think is a bad thing. It's good that she has her own friends and hobbies.

She tried getting me into it, but I don't really get it. She tried teaching me about D&D,

but there were just too many weird rules and dice, and I just didn't see the fun in it.

We tried playing Baldur's Gate 3 together thinking it would be easier to get into for me,

and for me to experience her world in a way, but I got really bored really fast, and at that point

it was just better to let her do her own thing. We've got plenty of other stuff we do together,

and as I said it's not a big deal for her to have hobbies that don't include me.

And she does love her hobby. She gets very excited about her weekly games and sometimes tells me

about the epic adventures they go on, which admittedly sounds pretty fun second hand, but is not

really for me. We live in a two bedroom apartment, so we have a bedroom in a home office we share,

where our laptops are. Her D&D games are online, and usually happen in the evening, so I just

hang out in the living room or go out when she plays to not intrude. But a few weeks ago I noticed

that she locks the door when she plays. I thought it was a little weird because why would you lock

the door to play D&D? And it didn't sit right with me. So I did what I now think might have been

very sad and pathetic, but I genuinely didn't know what else to do. The last few weeks when she had

her game, I sat out in the hall by the door and listened. She uses headphones so I could only really

hear her side of the game, and at first it was just some stuff about rolling dice, joking around

with her friends, and spells doing whatever, but I kept at it. I sat there for four hours last

week and over two hours this week, but eventually I heard it. She was talking about slash with another

person and it was really romantic. It was tender and very emotional. She legit said something like

you know I love you, so I want to help you save your family or something like that, in a clearly

romantic way. It went on like that, like a clearly emotional discussion with a romantic partner that

lasted a solid 15 minutes. Then it went back to other stuff, but by that point it didn't matter.

I was really upset and went back to the living room, and when she came out after session I confronted

her. I told her I heard her talking and telling some guy how much she loved him, and how he was the

only one who ever got through to her or something, so she would do anything for him. She said I was

taking it out of context, and that it was just pretend and playing a character, but I told her it

didn't matter. This wasn't some video game where her character was speaking written lines to

another character with written lines who wasn't real. She herself was saying sweet, loving, romantic

things to another real person, and it hurt to hear. It felt like cheating. She said it wasn't

cheating, and her character wasn't her. She just did it for the drama, and thought being

romantically invested made her character better. She also said that me sitting outside to listen

in on her game was a violation of her privacy and showed that I didn't trust her, which was why

she felt like she needed to lock the door in the first place. I apologized for that, but at the

same time I said that me being wrong to eavesdrop doesn't justify what she did, to which she said

that she didn't do anything wrong. It was just what the game was, and it was just a game, but that

made me feel even worse. Maybe I'm being whiny or misreading it, but she is the first person I was

ever really vulnerable with like that, and the way she spoke to me when she told me how much she

loved me, it was just so similar to the way she spoke as her character that it made me uncomfortable.

It made me feel like something that was only mine and only for me was just given to someone

else for a game. It felt like it cheapened it. Was she faking it with me? Was she genuinely

feeling it for that other person? I don't know what exactly it is that's bothering me, because

technically she's not wrong. But I don't care if she's technically not cheating. I just feel like

there are certain sides of my GF that should be reserved only for me, shouldn't there? I couldn't

really verbalize it to her, and after a bunch of arguing back and forth with just one to bed.

For the past few days we've been in this weird state of limbo where we're going on like nothing

happened, but also there's clearly tension. Today I couldn't take it anymore and I said that we

need to talk about it. I said that I understand her hobbies are important to her, but I am her BF

and there should be certain things that are just for me. I can't go on knowing that she's talking

like that to some other guy. So I told her that I support her going on with the games,

but I asked that she no longer lock the door and no longer do whatever romantic stuff she does in

game. She said I didn't mind when she talked to me at length about her romance with that

esterian guy in Baldur's Gate. I told her, again, that that is not the same.

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Toyota. Let's go places. I don't mind her playing at romance with a bunch of pixels and being

moved by fiction, but that her D&D game isn't just fiction. It's her telling those things to

an actual person and that bothers me, so I want her to stop. She said I was being possessive

and controlling, and that I can't tell her not to have hobbies or how to behave. I told her

that's true but if she doesn't understand how I feel about this we might not have a future

together. She got angrier and said I'm clearly not in a state to be having this discussion and

we'll talk again when I've calmed down and went to school, she's getting her MA, but in the time

since I've been the opposite of calming down, I just get more upset the more I think about it.

Clearly me being upset should at least make her consider stopping even if she isn't actually

cheating outright. Shouldn't my feelings matter on this issue? But also, maybe I'm not being

reasonable. Maybe I am overreacting? Help. Update, May 17, 2025. So having read the comments

y'all gave, I thought I maybe was actually overreacting and I really did fuck up.

Especially helpful I thought was a comment someone made about asking her about maybe keeping the

door unlocked and being allowed to listen in on session to get context and learn to accept her hobby

and let head still enjoy it without me spiraling. So when she came home from school I made apology

dinner, homemade pizza from scratch, her fave, and we sat down to talk. She started by demanding

an apology because whatever else I had to say, eavesdropping and not trusting her were huge

fuck-ups on my part. I agreed and apologized immediately because that was shitty behavior on my part,

no question. That helped her be more open to hearing me out. So I said, more calmly and tactfully,

that it bothers me that she is simulating romantic love with a person I don't know and context I

don't understand. I said that I can and do apologize for my actions, but I can't change how I feel,

and that also needs to be discussed. So she asked what I had in mind. I told her that I think trust

should go both ways, so me trusting that the game is just a game and it doesn't mean anything is

well and good, but in return I'd like for her to keep the door unlocked and let me sit in on a few

sessions. I promised not to be disruptive, not to overreact or interrupt the game and to bring up

any issues I had privately with her after the game was over. She seemed relived because she was

worried I'd demand she dropped the game or break up with her, and said she personally didn't mind

but she needed to bring it up with her group, which I thought was very reasonable. The rest of the

evening, though, she was constantly on her phone, constantly getting discord notifications and

seemed more and more upset. This lasted for literally hours, well into the night, past when I was

asleep. I asked if anything was wrong and she said maybe, but not to wait up and she promised to

tell me everything in the morning. I didn't get much sleep but I also didn't want to pry too much

having just promised not to. So come morning, when I asked what happened, since she clearly didn't

get much sleep and was clearly nervous she said she brought it up with the group and reactions were

mixed. I'm gonna give these people fake names to keep track. So when she brought it up, everyone

seemed okay with me listening and except Joe. Joe is the guy whose character she had the romance

with. Joe said in their group chat that he wouldn't feel safe acting, they call it roleplaying,

I guess? When there was a stranger in chat and wouldn't participate in any game I was present for,

this obviously made my GF respond that seeing the relationship between their characters was the

whole point of me listening in, to which he said I'm being unreasonable and violating his boundaries

by making unreasonable demands. This was already pretty bad in my eyes, but then she told me about

the private messages. After the group exchange she got three messages. One was from Joe. Joe

wrote a long, really really long message about how much he cared about her and much it hurt him to

see her dim her light to appease a controlling abusive boyfriend who stifled her creativity

and how she should be with someone who appreciated her, let her be herself and shared her interest

and that he was available if she wanted to talk. He finished with a paragraph about how women

like her always go for selfish assholes and don't appreciate the wonderful guys all around them.

How he felt such a connection with her through their characters and how could she ignore it?

I genuinely couldn't believe I was seeing one of these in the wild.

I don't usually get second-hand embarrassment, but that shit was so cringe I almost died.

Like I genuinely laughed. I couldn't really be angry that shit was just so sad.

She also got messages from Jenny, another player, who said Joe seemed way too invested in the

romance for her taste, and she thought those segments were taking up a lot of game time which she

though was better used elsewhere. She never said anything because she thought my GF was really

into it, but now that it became an issue she thought she should. She also mentioned she found Joe

creepy which I personally appreciate. I don't know any of these people IRL because it's an online

group, but I certainly think Jenny might be my new best friend. Finally there was a message from

Mitch, the guy running the game, who said Joe reached out to him demanding I not be allowed to,

and this is a quote, violate the intimacy of the group.

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Toyota. Let's go places. And he should talk to my GF2 to get her to drop me listening and

possibly drop me all together. I don't even know how or why Mitch would even attempt to do that.

All this resulted in them cancelling the next game as they work it out.

My GF didn't respond to Joe yet, but at least she seems relieved that I'm taking this well.

I told her of course I am, I'm not going to be upset over some guy being into her.

She's wonderful, of course guys are going to be into her wherever she goes.

The issue I was worried about was that she was into him back, and these messages convinced me

that that's clearly not the case, which seems to have made her feel a lot better.

We talked a bit more and she now seems to agree that locking the door, in context,

might have seemed suspicious and that going forward our ground rule should be that character dynamics

that make her feel like she should lock the door might be the exact dynamics she should make

me aware of, while I promise to trust her to tell me these things and not to eavesdrop anymore,

and approach her openly about listening and on sessions. Also the romance with Joe's character

isn't going to continue, but seeing how she feels about Joe now I think I do trust her to do

character romance going forward, just to not hide it from me and be selective with who she does it with.

I don't know how the Joe situation is going to be handled within the group, but I guess that's

up to them, since playing with him is obviously going to be very awkward for her.

Guess since she doesn't intend to keep up the romance it doesn't really matter.

Small edits since the situation basically resolved itself now, Joe didn't like being left on red.

So he wrote my GF a very rude message about how, I kid you not, she was going to die alone with

cats because her asshole boyfriend is going to leave her when she loses her looks.

He literally never saw her in person. To be clear, uncovering my secret plan, I guess.

So she just blocked him and sent a screenshot to Mitch. Joe isn't going to be part of the group

anymore. GF apologized for not recognizing how absolutely unhinged the guy was.

We reasserted that any in-game interaction she isn't comfortable having in front of me is

probably one she shouldn't be having. Comments where Op has replied, familiar Baracuda 43,

I'm glad everything seems well, but I feel like you still need to have a discussion about why she

was locking the door in the first place. Because to me, that says on some level she knew it was wrong

and that it would hurt you. And if I was you I'd be unable to not cope with that until I got the

full truth. Op, from what she said since it basically wasn't so much about knowing this was wrong,

since she supposedly was locking her door at her parents' home too, which is where she lived before,

and before the romance even took place, and more about feeling safe to get into the headspace

to perform since I explained that this was part of what made it feel so off to me, and given how Joe

clearly had a very different view of the situation than her. She agreed that going forward the door

should remain unlocked and she will work on getting more comfortable performing even in my presence,

be it with me in voice chat or present in the room. Since Joe's reaction clearly didn't happen

in a void, unhinged as it was. Peabunds, you were very valid with your feelings of being

uncomfortable with your partner emulating love with another even if it was just role-playing.

I myself played D&D and would be super uncomfortable if my partner was sitting there flirting

at the table with someone else in character so it's understandable that you would be too.

I'm not sure why people thought your boundaries were wrong on your initial post.

Glad you guys could figure it out nonetheless. Boop, I'm not saying it's going to be easy,

but I love her, and if this is important to her I feel I owe her at least the benefit of giving

her grace next story. Half-brother came to stay with us after my stepmom was being mean to him,

then she called my wife and threatened her if she didn't kick him out in the middle of the night.

I, 32 M, have been married to my wife Vivian, 29 F, 4 6 years.

We have three kids, I have several siblings but this instance revolves around a half-brother

18 who lives out of state. Trevor came to visit over his spring break.

My stepmom has never liked Trevor, mostly because she doesn't like his mother.

About three days into Trevor's visit my stepmom kept making snarky comments about him.

His mom, his family, school, his tattoo, etc. Trevor got tired of this and grabbed his car

keys and said he was leaving. This was around 11 pm. My stepmom laughs and says he doesn't have

enough gas to get home or money to get more. Trevor said that he didn't need enough gas or

money to get home, he just needed enough gas to get to my house. My stepmom laughs again and says

I'm not even home, I'm at work, which was true, I work nights, and that Vivian, my wife, would

never let him stay here. Trevor says I guess we'll see because he knew Vivian wouldn't tell him

no and leaves. My stepmother then calls my wife and tells her that Trevor is on his way to our

house and under no circumstances is Vivian to allow him to stay with us. Vivian says she's not

going to turn him away, especially not in the middle of the night and that everybody can all talk

about it tomorrow. She'll let me know to call my dad when I get a chance to figure out what's going

on. My stepmom begins to get angry and says that Trevor is not Vivian's child to allow to do

whatever he wants and Vivian needs to respect her as the mother of the family and that she can

make life in the family difficult for Vivian if she needs to for Vivian to understand her place.

And that Vivian has no right to let people into, my names, home without my knowledge.

There were other things said as well and eventually Vivian loses her patience and ends the call

by saying that my stepmom is just mad she can't be a, fbomb, bulleted Trevor anymore because he

found a loophole. My stepmother calls me while I'm at work and tells me Vivian was rude to her.

At this point I have no idea that anything has happened. She then calls my dad, he works nights

as well and tells some version of events. My dad calls me and tells me that Vivian was disrespectful

and had no right to speak to her that way and needs to apologize for her behavior.

I get a call about five minutes later from Vivian. She tells me that Trevor is at our house and

they tell me everything that happened since Vivian wasn't at the house and Trevor wasn't there

yet for the call. I call my dad and tell him that it doesn't sound like Vivian did anything except

stand up for herself and my dad insists that Vivian needs to apologize. I tell him if anybody is

owed an apology, it's Vivian. This was all three days ago. I'm getting texts from family members

about Vivian needing to apologize and that Vivian doesn't have the right to get involved with

family squabbles and she shouldn't have let Trevor run away from the consequences of his actions.

No one can tell me what the actions were and if Vivian doesn't apologize then she's not

welcome around anymore. I don't think she owes an apology but I had a bad relationship with my

family for years when I was younger and since it's improved drastically I've been a lot happier

having them in my life and I don't want to lose that but I also can't just allow someone in it

to disrespect my wife so blatantly and expect an apology for it. But Vivian at this point is

starting to feel bad and she always stresses too much over absolutely anything she thinks she

might have done to upset someone so this really sent her on a series of mental gymnastics

and she says she doesn't want to be the reason I have a bad relationship with my family yet again.

I've remained firm that she doesn't owe them anything but Ida for not having her do it

just to get it over with. Update, first of all thank you for all the advice and kind words for

about Vivian. I spoke to my dad last night and I wish I could say it went well but I think

absolutely no one expected it too. He put me on speaker and my stepmother was in the room with him.

I said that Vivian will not be apologizing and she is an adult who can make her own decisions

about having a guest in our home. I don't control her decision making. My stepmom cut in with

your controlling her now by deciding for her she can't make things right. To which I responded you

might be right about that but in this instance it's a risk I'm willing to take. She doesn't have

anything to apologize for I said I'm not going to allow you to continue to cause her or myself

unnecessary stress. I also told them they can't seriously expect an apology after the way they

acted and if they did they were borderline insane. You can't bully and belittle someone repeatedly

and expect them be okay with it forever and you cannot threaten an adult and expect it to just

go over nicely. I told them that if they were so willing to act like children and cut Vivian

and by extension me and our children out of the family then we would save them the hassle and

do it ourselves. I told them we would be blocking their numbers along with everyone else.

They tried to argue more but I simply hung up which might have been immature but I was just done.

I blocked everyone's numbers. About an hour later I get a Facebook message from my step sister.

I rarely use Facebook so I forgot I had her as a friend on there. My step sister is the only

sibling who isn't my dad's and is only my stepmoms. She and Vivian have always been really close.

She hasn't been involved in this situation at all so I took the chance and called her.

She asked me if everything her mom had told her was true and I said most likely not but this is

what happened and explained it all to her. She then told me several instances where her mom had

been similar to her and her fiance. She said she had wanted to cut ties a long time ago but

didn't want to be the only one in the family who was on the out so she doesn't have a dad so no

other family to turn to. She asked if I had really blocked them and planned to keep it that way.

I said yes and so did Vivian and Trevor. She said she'd call me back and hung up.

About 20 minutes later I get a call from her again saying she had called my stepmom,

her mom and cut the cord with them as well and had blocked their numbers too as did her fiance.

So while I might have lost a decent amount of family members, I did actually get to keep the

best two out of the bunch, plus obviously my wife and kids. Thanks to everyone for the advice.