Gianmarco Soresi

0:00My guest today is a social media clip star. This guy is one of the top clip stars. He's got a clip farm. He's a clip farmer. I see one empty chair. Jamar go. Oh, right. That was for Lindsey Graham. Yeah. We do this. A moment of prayer. It's American Gothic, but it's him and a clipper and a Southeast Asian clipper next to him. He's got, he had a YouTube special. I don't remember what it was called, but it was good and I DMed him about it. He told me so many else to him about it. That was a little embarrassing for him. And you're on the road? Yeah, always. John Marcos, Saraci, everybody. Yes. Hello. Please clap. How are you? Let's talk about your wardrobe on your specials. I come from a fucked up family. And I know that doesn't make me special in this room. Your wardrobe? You dress like you're a theater rehearsal. Yeah, I like that casual. It's sometimes as he comedies, they try to put on that suit

1:02at the wrong time and go, oh, this is so natural to you. Yeah. And I hate dressing up. I do too. Because I was thinking about like, well, all comedies are wear suits and then somebody took the tie off and then somebody took the jacket off and like, it goes down the line. I don't think Lenny Bruce wore suits. So you're just like, eh, you don't think it makes a difference. I just think it's like, I approach it like, what do I, what do I wear? And I have this desire of authenticity to myself. And I like wearing shorts. I like wearing, the number of times I've gone to the seller and I'm gonna wear shorts today. And then Valerie was like, and I always bring pants. That's how I know I'm not brave because I always bring a backup plan. That's so funny. And I change in the bathroom solid. It's humiliating. Like, I didn't even know that. We've talked about it. Somebody told me a long time ago that in England, if you wear, if you just wear shorts like to a festival, people may less of you.

2:03I don't know if that's still true. This, he told me this in the 90s. Yeah. Here's what I think I wore shorts to a radio hit concert. And he saw me and was like, I think he got me tickets and was like, we don't, this is not gonna work. It's one of those things where it's like, okay, culture exists. Do you wanna fight it and make no difference? Like, it's like, yes, some cultures you wear it killed. And I think it'd be great if we could have those options here and you decide how much do you wanna battle. Yes, and you don't. It's not, it also becomes about, who's that, do you see the guy in the shorts on Netflix? Yes, yes, I know. It's like, I think it's my dad was such a slob that I never grew up to respect, like, just clothes in general. And it all felt oppressive to me. And I'm doing better than him. Even though based on the, your material that I've seen

3:03and some of your blocks that I've previewed here, that you're relationship with your parents is, if not iffy, well, how would you describe it? Dad is rough. Dad is rough. Okay, because you could have gone like, wear a tuxedo all the time. Because he doesn't have the shorts clothes. Yeah, I mean, but truly, I feel like my version of wearing a shirt is me rebelling against my father. If I was wearing a wife beater on stage, then I'd be like, okay, I might father. So wearing a shirt is my version of wearing a tuxedo. Oh, that is. This is an upgrade. Yes. So he's very Italian. It's kind of fake and it's hard to know like, it's a race he sounds like a fake Italian name. But it's Sicily, it was a pasta, cousin, thrice removed has reached out. So I have confirmed it's a real, but it's hard, like he raised me as if I was, as if we were a hundred percent Italian.

4:03Yeah. And my Jewish mom wasn't in the room to counter it. And he doesn't care about his maternal lineage at all. He just cares about like his father. Were they Italian? No, I think, I think, I'd never met my grandfather they died before I was born. But I think on the maternal side, it goes back to like Spain. And I'm like, oh, all the material I could have had about being from Spain. It's not too late. I know. You there were, but they got to, they got divorced. Well, I was very young, but I mean before I was, yeah, what's the story? Cause it's, it is a, it's, it's a little crazy. It's somewhere in the first half year of life. They got, they got divorced. Were you there first child or second? First, first and only. Yeah. So they were married. And my dad was just, I think he's just a, a cheater by nature. And what happened, the way my mom told me way later, not when I was a kid, was that someone thought they saw my dad at dinner with another woman told my mom,

5:05my mom without any like real proof said to my dad, I heard someone saw you with another woman. And my dad said, let's, let's, let's, I'm coming home. Let's talk. Like he folded. She bluffed. She bluffed. Like I saw you. Yeah. And he immediately folded and famously said to her, like, I'm not going to change. He said, like, this is who I am. I'm not going to change. How long they know each other before they got married? I don't know exactly. They don't, they don't reminisce about the good times much. But I think like, I assume like two years, I think. Okay. Yeah. And he was probably cheating and just didn't get caught. Yeah. I guess so. He's, he was so, he's just a good looking guy. Women just like flock to him. Do you understand it? Do you understand cheating? Not like you're like fighting it all day every day. But like you go like, yeah, it's easy. It's easy in the short term. Yeah. I think it's like, it's one of those things I do wonder.

6:07Like would my dad be one of those like trying to talk about open relationships? Like so there's so many, there's so many guys. Of course I understand the desire. Yeah. Yeah. Desire to sleep around. I don't know if he's also like a liar by nature. Like he just likes that. He likes the mystery. It's funny because like he had all these girlfriends. I never once overheard him having sex. I never like, I think he's more about like learning. I think he's learning. Yeah. That's what I think. That's what I think. Father was a was a big cheater and like ran away with someone he was sleeping with. So and you is it one of these things you can't open it up. You can't, you can't unpack it like that. Like we do now with him. I'm pack everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He apologized more recently like randomly on the blue like, I'm sorry that I did that because I think the part that was fucked up was his girlfriends or one point of

7:08woman he married sort of would disappear from my life. And he would describe it as, oh they just went. They went nuts. And it's like now it's like so clear what happened as he just got caught. Yeah. And so that's the, it's hard to feel resentful when you find out about something so much after the fact. I wouldn't know to yell at him. Not even yell. I don't even know how to see him. Yeah. Well, that's an interesting point of view, which is because the first thing is like therapy would have you like blame and mourn and hold accountable. But it's not like, well, it's a little more complicated. And they're like, I don't know. If you're a cheater, you just go like, then don't marry it. There's like these foundational things that are way too late. Yeah. Then don't be honest. Yeah. It's 1983 or whatever year it is. Like, let's all be honest about what we're like. But that's not what happened.

8:08Yeah. I don't know what would have been a better, I think what sucks about it now is it's just like, yeah, you made your bed and now you don't have that long time partner and you see, he needs that. He needs a partner. How old is he now? 73. Yeah. And I remember when he had a surgery, he fell off, he's, he rides horses and he fell off a horse and needed a surgery. And my ex, I say stepmom because the marriage wasn't real, but they had a ceremony. Was there at the, what wasn't real about it? So my step grandfather was a priest, Dean of students, I think Georgetown University, fell in love with my grandma who was a secretary. And basically, naive priest, he wrote the Pope being like, hey, can we make an exception? He was ex-communicated. Look, I'm trying to be, you try to be open about it. So he, look, Pope, I'm fucking this girl. Yeah, you're good.

9:10There was probably a Polish Pope, but yeah. I can't imagine what he thought would happen. They sent him to a psych ward at one point because they were like, you're clearly crazy. Because he wasn't fucking boys. They were like, what are you doing? Yeah, a woman, and a don't woman. And so he, I think what happened is my stepmom got pregnant. They had a quick ceremony to make it feel, maybe for her family, I assume, to make it feel like, oh, it's the worst. So your grandmother's out of the church, but he gets married and he's ex-communicated. Yeah, yeah, so he conducted the ceremony between my father and my stepmother. But he's not a priest anymore. So it wasn't, it wasn't a real, and I don't think it was legally signed in anything. It was kind of a show, I think, for her family or for her, I don't know. Are they, so these, it sounds like, a bunch of human beings doing, I guess, coping? Like just like, ah, yeah, improvising poorly.

10:12Do you find that that comes up in your character? Like, where you're like, you find yourself justifying crazy shit or like, I think I'm more like, I play it safe. I think I'm just like, I saw that chaos and I was like, the drama that these people have created for themselves is so absurd. I've always wanted, I think I'm overly transparent. I don't want to lie because I think my whole existence was filled with so many people lying and yes. Your mom was like, had some, she was interesting also, right? Yeah, she was, she was always more transparent about like, who she was, like my dad pretended he never did drugs. He was a fucking hippie during the Woodstock era. My mom was, she lived in Great Neck and she was going to studio 54 at 14 and she was, I mean, she was parting it up. Yeah. So she told me about her life and it was rough. Just, just fucked up family, alcoholic parents, did a lot of drugs and I thought it was much more beneficial

11:16to me like growing up. Like I didn't do drugs because she told me how scary it was when she did acid as opposed to being like, I never did. What did she say? She says it was like, she caught in a closet and was stuck in a closet the whole night and just freaked the fuck out. And that was enough for me to be like, never. And then I didn't like it. And it explains the clothes. In my 30s. It explains the clothes. Yeah, and did you, oh, so you were like, you did some drugs in your 30s, is that what you said? Yeah, I smoked pot, you know, more later in life. And I like pot and in the last five years, my girlfriend finally got me to do shrooms. I like shrooms. Yeah, acid, acid, acid, you know, I had a depressive dip, suddenly started crying and I was like, I'm freaking. Towards a second half, they come down from acid for me is not fun. Not fun. Yeah, I think I asked it, it's like any of these drugs, some work for some brains and some don't. You know, it's like, it's like the right medication.

12:17It was one of her friends house and they're all friends now, but her husband, he's just like, he builds things with his hands. He like, he built this shed. There's something that I couldn't do with the gun in my head and we went to his garden and I had this, oh, I was like, I am nothing. I am not a man. I cannot build if the structure of society collapse at all. My skills are entirely useless in this new society. Yeah, I mean, who was here at joke? We need to build a roof. We're five years minimum away from this. And that's what I felt it so intensely, on acid. And I just started crying. I was like, I am nothing. Did you change what for some people I can be awake of? No, I am what I am. No, I know. Well, that's what it's like the you, like, I'll watch YouTube tutorials. There's no YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all over. Yeah, okay. Then I don't, I guess I'll like sexual,

13:18I don't like, yeah, I know. I converted into like, well, then I'm going to be the best fucking comedian of all time because I can't build a roof. Yeah, yeah. I think we just have to hope that society remains intact. And it's, it's a day to day. You know, I'm always open to a little, little pepper, you know what I mean? Little, I used to be a nicotine guy and I'm still a caffeine guy. You really, you just want a little, a little zing, you know what I mean? So they got pouches now. I love any new technology. Like, what are we doing? We're doing pouches. Let's go. I'm with it. I was finding that caffeine was making my, like, at a certain point, maybe like an hour and a half after if I ate a little something, I was like, going a little nuts. So I've been looking for a way out of the calf game and I've been out of the nicotine game. But here come ultra pouches, clean game changer. They're good for focus and energy levels, which is kind of all anybody wants for anything. They're instant focus in a pouch.

14:20I'm on my, I think I, my second 10, I didn't bring them. And they're just like, they just, can you hear the snap? They're completely nicotine free and caffeine free. Can you, great. What's in them? Great question. Ultra partner with leading neuroscientists to design these pouches, they use clinically proven new tropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate focus and smooth energy that lasts one to two hours. And by the way, it's not like unnerving. It's like, you still, you're cool, but you have, you're locked in. What's my favorite flavor? Great question. Mint. Yes, mint. It's Chris, remember refreshing. They also have winter green. I've never understood the distinction between mint and winter green. Just pick one. It's like cream and off white. Come on. Tropical. I think I had it. Watermelon's good. Blue, Razz, sweet and tart. Here's the call to action. Ultra is the ultimate guilt free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code NEAL to get 15% off at takeultra.com. That's take T-A-K-E-U-L-T-R-A.com for 15% off with code NEAL.

15:27That's takeultra.com promo code NEAL. After your purchase, they will ask you, where you heard about them. Please support us, Ellen. Tell them we sent you. Okay, so the impact of divorce. Yeah. My parents were not divorced, but they were unhappily together. So I always wonder when I hear about the impact of divorce, but I don't think I really, I can't really fathom it. Is there the impact for you? It happened before you were conscious, right? Yeah, I think the impact is the custody arrangement. I think it was like I went back and forth on this two-week cycle that would just repeat itself. Same school. You'd stay in school. Same school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't live too far away from each other. In a way, the back and forth is almost, when I reflected it, I'm like, it was neurotic in its concoction. It was like, okay, well, a couple days here and then a couple days back and then a couple days back here. It feels like the priority is the parents making sure they get their time and rot.

16:34Does this kid feel a sense of stability at any point in his life? It was like, I wouldn't get fully settled at one place. I had three siblings on my mom's side and then I spent some of my life with them. Your mom remarried? My mom remarried. A guy who had been my dad's lawyer. This is great. It wasn't like, he wasn't still working for my dad. He was a complete opposite of a person than who my father was. He was from Ohio, raised Catholic, but no one was excommunicated and was strict as hell. Also, my back and forth life was just so different because of that. My dad was a bachelor. He was trying to make his house. There was this thought of my dad's house was so fun. Maybe if I wanted, I could go to court and testify and say I wanted to be with my dad

17:36all the time. That was always like floating in the background. My dad pushed me that hard, but you could do this. I remember thinking like, you would testify against your mother. Essentially, yeah. That I would testify against. I would say I want to be with my dad full time. That wasn't explicit, but it was like, yeah, it was brought up. You could do this if you want. I don't know if you should tell a kid that. Because I love my mom, but my step-dad was the antagonist of the narrative of my youth. It's the back and forth part where it's like you, for example, I would see my dad in the two weeks, one of the weeks I'd see him just Thursday and Friday. It would be like, well, I'm not going to go out with my friends Friday because this is the only time for me to see my dad. It probably felt there was probably some guilt on your end of like, I should see my dad or should you want to see him. I wanted to and he had no friends, so we would hang and it would be fun.

18:39It was fun to hang with my dad. I think it just gradually, if your whole life doing this, you don't build a social life. My dad's just a no social life guy. He dates. I don't see how friendships work. How adult friendships work. So even in school, it never really never took whole socializing and friendship? Yeah. I had two or three friends, but you just wouldn't go out because every Friday would be accounted for right up the gate. I would want to see my dad. And what would you guys do? What would you or Nidanda do? We just veg out what sign felt and he'd just be there. He was fun. He was fun. We just eat like shit and watch. Honestly, sign felt was the show that we'd watch. You watched 3 or 4? Yeah. Oh yeah. And it's crazy because this is what years? This is all of middle school.

19:39So what calendar years? Oh, let's see. I was born in 88. So it was the show 4. Nine, yeah, yeah. Ninies and four. And we had a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. And then when he had another kid, that's when I stopped being an only child on that side. I was an only child at my dad's house. My mom's house, I had three siblings eventually. But when I went to my dad's, I was the only child. I was the prince. My dad was there to make it so fun that I might betray my mother to stay forever. He said to me once, he's like, what do you have at your mom's house? You do not have a my house and let's go get it. And he was, I mean, and he also like Eminem. I wasn't allowed to listen to Eminem at my mom's house. I could at my dad's. My stepdad wouldn't let my siblings watch this. So he must have been like, I'll wait. I'm gonna do this, but I'll just wait till Friday.

20:40Yeah, yeah. Like, this is nothing. Yeah. Was it, when you call the stepdad antagonistic, was it like hostile? It was, it definitely was, was it more hostile? It was more hostile than his blood children. In different ways, I mean, they had to deal with like his form of punishment to my sisters would he'd say, present your hand and then he'd go. Now not, not so hard it would leave a bruise. It was more about shame. Yes. But to my father, who I think the nuns used to hit him with a ruler and his dad beat him had a brutal, the thought of any kind of physical, anything was like, you might as well be a talent. You know, you don't have to, you don't have to. Yeah. I mean, you do brag in the old country. So like in that sense, they got a tougher version. But he was, I do think there was some resentment because I, I come from a different, I'm a foreigner. I have my own rules. Yeah. I, I, I come from my dad's in, my mom would pick him up from my dad's and she'd say,

21:40oh, whatever, pick it from your dad, you're, you're so different. A horrible thing to say to a kid. Yeah. But it's because I would come from my dad's wearing a wife, beater and shorts and like, I transformed. Yeah. And so I think my stepdad was like, there was resentment. Of course, I find it, if I had a bad dream and my dad's house, I slept in his bed on and off for a lot of my childhood, you know, whatever. Mom's house, if I had a nightmare, I can't sleep in the bed with my stepfather. So I would sleep to the side of her bed on the floor on her side. Yeah. And I remember once walking in and and used one of the two times I saw my mom naked, you know, I just, I had a nightmare or whatever and I went in there and it was just like, ah, and I remember the look on my stepfather's face and it was years later that I was like, I and knowing their life more. I'm like, I bet this was like the one time they were going to fuck that year and I destroyed

22:44it. Yeah. And I remember the look on his face and as I get older, I'm like, oh, that's a guy. Who just lost pussy for the night. Yeah. Because of a guy who looks like his former client and his wife's ex-husband. That's very funny. So it sounds like you were just kind of like looking for like a consistent treatment. Yeah. And like not the, and in chaos. I have fantasies about what my friends took in divorce with custody that they come to me and I give them advice. Yeah. Like without doing the research, it's like, do alternate weeks or what was unfathomable as a kid, but now I'm like, maybe that's better. It's like dad for the summer's mom. Like this idea of going back and forth within a week is crazy. It's not good. That's what most people do, right? It seems like a lot of people do like he, he gets some Thursday Friday Saturday and I get them. I think that, that seems to be what most people do. And I think that's, you think it's dead wrong.

23:45And I think there's better versions and worse versions. Like the fact that my parents split up a Friday at my dad's Saturday Sunday at my mom's, it's like, no, you got to keep the weekend together. Yeah. You got to keep the weekend together. Well, it sounds like, so I'm sure it happens with everyone, but it sounds like they're competing with each other for time with you. And it's not about like connecting with you, or maybe it is a little bit, but it feels more competitive toward the other person and less about like, how are you doing with this? But it's also like when was the custody arranged? Oh, right. When you found out he was cheating on you. Yeah. And your baby, beautiful baby boy who's so, he's a child. This is when you're going with two lawyers and figuring out the system. Of course, it's not well constructed. If anything, I would say to divorce parents like, check back in every couple years. Yeah. And I'll say, hey, let's, let's bring you at the table. Do they? Do they interact with each other like a drop off?

24:47So they, they did my dad would do this crazy thing where he would pick me up and he would be like, can I use the bathroom and like take a shit? And I'm like, this is so, this is so, be chill. Fantastic. Uh, they, they did talk like in the beginning, they would try to do this, I think like a monthly dinner. And I remember they would bring, my dad would bring a present. It just to make it feel like like Pavlovian, this is good. We're all happy. And then by the third one, they got in a fight. And I remember, I think my dad leaving the table before the appetizer came and I was like, well, this was a failure. They, my dad went to Thanksgiving a couple times way back. And, and you know, then my, my stepdad would do that to my sister and my dad would go, what the, what the hell are you doing? And they would clash. Yeah. And there was still some communication until my dad had a custody battle over my half

25:49sister on that side. So this, when I was 13, 14, I think, um, he met this woman. She got pregnant and then, you know, my dad, I don't know all the, my dad did something. Not only she was sleeping in the basement, I had just been told for my father, she had a tough childhood and having a kid triggered it. And I go, okay, the one day she's, where am I sign off? Yeah. Yeah. And my, in their custody battle, my mom testified. I think on her behalf. To my father, this was your preventive command from seeing his daughter, your dad. At the time, I remember he did nothing to, to, to, I mean, he had nothing to do with nothing. He had nothing to do with anything. She, the, the mother had a tough childhood. He was, that he would have been there.

26:52Seven, 24 hours, seven days away. I, when I was a kid, I was like, why, it was painted as my mom did this out of a, just cruelty, or just hated him so much that he wanted to deny him his daughter. She's told me since, and again, I, I don't, both narratives, I, I question, but she's told me since that they were having their own lawsuits, whether about alimony or custody or something, and that he was going into this trial, painting their arrangement and their divorce as completely amicable and easy going and just lying. Yeah. And somehow that would impact her. So she needed to testify. I don't know if that's true. I don't know if she needs to testify. I think there was, there was some degree of like, it was said at some point, like worried about my half sister, like wanting to take care of her.

27:53And I'm like, I don't believe that. I don't believe you, you care. Yeah. And there was always a weird thing where sometimes these exes would be friends with, suddenly they're friends with my mom. Yeah. And you're like, that's so fucked up. They have a lot in common. Yeah. They do. They have a lot in common. Yeah. They, one thing in common. Just, just people that who hate him. Yeah. And that was weird. That was weird. So it just sounds like a lot of what we now call messiness. Yeah, but the question is like, knowing my dad, what was he doing to bring this on? He, was he not paying Alamo? I mean, you, you just have friends that are divorced, like the debate about their furious about Alamo. They met a guy that was like, man, it's a fair. Especially if they get remarried to another man. There's a group where they go, well. Yeah, why am I like that? I got to keep giving. Yeah. And, and the nuances of it are, are tough. But my dad just kind of got screwed with, with custody.

28:54How does, my question is, how does this construct you? What is it, so then, then because of this, you are what? I lost being the star of my dad's home. Yeah. Suddenly, my, my little sister is, is being treated like everything is, is at the whims of a three year old, and a four year old dinner movies. And this is my, my Friday, this is the weekend day, and I don't have any social life. So I don't have another thing to do. And now my dad's whole world, I've been, you put all your ass in it. I've been asking, you're like, fucking dude, I thought, I've never done that. I've never done that before. And I'm experiencing like, I imagine my dad's girlfriends had to deal with me. Like everything had to be about me, this little kid, because he wanted his house to be amazing for me, because maybe I'll go there full time. Or God forbid, the opposite, I go, I want to stay with mom.

29:57Yeah. And now I'm like experiencing what it's like when someone else is that prized person. And it, it sucked. It's, it sucked. Is that your origin story for the rest of your life? It felt like the second chapter of my life. Like there was, there was the chapter where it's like me and my dad. Me and my dad, and sometimes I have to see my evil stepdad. And then at that point, it was like, fuck, this, everything sucks. And I think it fucked, I mean, but I'm sure you can go like, yeah, I get it. He's in a relationship. He's a new dad with this other woman. He wants to do that, do that. He wants with a guy and she wants to be a woman and a relationship and like you become an inconvenience. Yeah. And also my dad, when I was a kid, he told me, he said to me every, all the time he'd say, son, I'm never going to have another kid. And my mom would always go like, I don't know why the fuck he said that to. Yeah. And it's like he, he said they should award a condom every time. And, and so it was just like a betrayal of like the, the deep inner narrative that I had

30:59was like, I'm my dad's guy. Yeah. And we're a team and it's just like it shattered that. And then, okay, so then what happened? Then what does that become? So guys, support for today's episode comes from square. The system powering like half the places I go. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, whoa, that was fast. It was probably square, whether you're selling lattes, cutting hair, detailing cars, or running a design studio, square helps you run your business without running yourself into the ground. And now, right now, listeners can get up to $200 off square hardware when you sign up at square squr.org.com slash go slash Neil. That's square squr.org.com slash go geo slash any ale. Visit square to get started because the right tools make all the difference. I remember the days before square before any of this stuff where everything you had to take you thing out. I mean, say nothing about cash, took forever, you had to get the validated thing in the

32:06card and you have to wait. Square has smoothed it all out, baby. You get a quick seamless payment process that's personalized square that I don't know how they're doing it. But it's everything's way easier now. Half the restaurants I eat at, I don't know if I'm allowed to name it. But like, there's you go in there, you tap, it's just so much smoother. I'm so grateful. And you get loyalty points. Do you know I love a point system? My girl says that those points systems are horoscopes for men. I also like square. It's good for like the mom and pop shoppers. If you buy something like a farmer's market, they're using square. If you buy something that likes a new store, like a sort of personal, like a small clothing sort of like a boutique, they're running it. Just anyone who's not like a monolithic company is running square. Square gives them a one connected system to take payments, manage inventory, run payroll, send invoices and track it all from one place. It's not just point of sale.

33:08Square includes hardware that goes in person and on the go, software for managing staff, marketing and customer insights, banking tools like square checking to get paid instantly, businesses love it because it makes running a business feel like a little less like putting out fires. Square simplifies the messy stuff. It works for one location shops and businesses with multiple teams or service areas. Here's the call to action. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, square helps you sell, manage and grow without slowing down. Right now you can get up to $200 off square hardware at square.com slash go slash any a l that's square squ a re dot com slash geo slash any a l. On your business smarter with square get started today. Guys you know August is the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush begins and honestly I can't think of a better place to start than my closet. That's why I love shopping at quince.

34:08Quince is all about fewer better pieces. Their clothes are made with premium materials built to last and designed to become the ones you reach for day after day. Quince specialized in everyday staples that work harder like their ultra soft organic cotton tees and premium mongolian cashmere sweaters, their versatile timeless and transition seamlessly from casual work day to dinner out. I went to quince. One of my big purchases at quince was underwear guys and you know why it was underwear because I had to retire a pair two days ago. The back of it looked like a sheer curtain and I don't mean that in a good way. It was sheer. It was like the kind of shirt you'd wear in a music video in slow motion in the 90s. Turn on the wind machine and you can see the nipples. You could see it all back there. If you'd only come to my house the morning I threw those babies away it was Tuesday of this week. You should have been there. Look, quince has premium denim and tailor chinos from just $60 with the kind of perfect

35:13fit structure and high quality fabrics you'd expect from a luxury brand designer. I will say this about quince prices. When I went on there I thought it was a mistake. Like I was like, what's the, there must be a sale and it was like, no, and I went to the time. It was like, not a sale. Everything in quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middle man. So you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. I'm wearing quince underwear right now. I'm not going to show you. You're going to have to take one word for it. Staples. I got a couple shirts that I also, I don't have it on now. They're in the closet and they've got more and maybe if you're lucky, I actually am not going to have time to flash a photo, but trust me, it'll look good. Here's the call to action. Please stop what you're doing and listen to this call to action. Upgrade your everyday. Download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash NEAL. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the

36:14United Kingdom too. That's quince q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash NEAL. quince.com slash NEAL. Do it. It's really good. I legitimately. Good. I'm assuming you're a theater kid before that. You're, you have a flair for the dramatic. Yeah. Deeply unethlatic like just brutal. It is a funny thing that like you kind of have to be athletic as a kid. Yeah. It's just an odd thing because it's not. Turns out you don't it completely goes away. Like there's no premium on being athletic. It's crazy because now I see how I'm on the in the now what now I, you know, work out on all these things that as a kid. It was one of the things where it's like I think I was so out of shape. No sports are going to be fun. It's like first you got to get me a little bit in shape but often and puffed and get big, choppy. Yeah, I had big tips. Great. And I was very self conscious about the tips. T-shirt and the pool, that type thing.

37:16No, but the second I got out of the point, put the towel around me here. Yes, right one. And some guy was like, that's women were the towels like that. And I was like, get the fuck out of here, fuck you. So many pool parties right at this moment. Like when you're truly, yeah. It's the Bo Burnham out of the Great Seagulls in the eighth grade where it's like... Yes. The entrance to the pool party and it was like, it's brutal. Yeah. So yeah, I think I always liked performing. Like from... I used to like... My dad would put on disco music and my mom too. And I would dance in the living room. We'd dance, just fucking around. And I said it like four. Like we got to get this living room on a stage. So people can witness this. I don't know what it is. You know what it is? You're not like... I'm a child. I like when people are just hungry for showbiz for no reason other than they get to the pool. It's a really great reason other than they came out hungry for showbiz. Not like this origin story.

38:18Like my father and it's... It sounds like you just wanted to do it anyway. And then all this stuff was like... ...fuel for the fire. But you already had the fire. I think I have a desire to be witnessed. Like when I'm on stage... Like I'm not a big laugher in general. And then when I'm on stage, I just feel whatever... I don't feel depressed. I feel like I could laugh. I feel like I could dance. Dance yeah if I'm at a wedding and and everyone's dancing. I'm like I can't do if I'm on stage. Yeah, I'm alive and so it's just Missing piece or do you get you judge yourself for it? No, I've accepted this is like who I am You was fine because I just do Adderall now and then prescribed by a drug dealer and I Told my my girlfriend. I said when I take Adderall when I'm like high on speed I'm like this is kind of how I feel when I'm on stage. Yeah, I feel really alive. Why don't you take it every day? I I'm going because I want to go to I want to get it really prescribed by a real doctor

39:21The person I saw was like I could have gotten anything from this person over my zoom appointment I want to go to a real doctor to prescribe me the right dosage. It scares me. Okay. It scares me. It's so it's so good It's so good. Well the only problem is just getting Frying your neurons, I think. Well, yeah, that's my fear. Yeah, but you know, I the real thing whatever I'm sure I tell a health isn't the best, but it's not this one But I said I said hey is it okay like if I take Adderall the day could I smoke pot that night and she was at her camera So she goes let me Google it and I was like okay Okay, I'd like to see a doctor. Yeah, one of those if it's like if you if it makes you feel better all the time Are you a better person? In those in those I think so yeah, I think so because I you know wait when you're When I'm depressed it becomes so narcissistic your You know the insecurity is narcissistic and that it's all about like eye suck. Yeah, God

40:24I fucking suck. They're still a spotlight on you. Yes It's the blue they put a blue gel on it. Yeah, and the desire is to be like and now I will no longer suck Yes, and I if I do this maybe I won't suck anymore. Yeah, so you I have a your I didn't you're prone to depression Yeah, I think it's one of those things where it's like I've never been sometimes I go oh well if I haven't been suicidal You almost negate the level of depression, but yes, I'm But I it's somebody who's never really been suicidal. It's like a you know, it's like a if you feel like you have a You know, let vest on yourself all the time. Yeah, yeah, I get they I can be depressed. Yeah, like that's a fair I but then you wonder how I'm sure you Ask yourself this question and I'm wondering what your answer is how happy should a person be And how much of it is just You never look at your parents and go like well, okay, so it's apparently the stats are like it's 55 to 60% genetic

41:27Is your like Sealing of what like what they're kind of like is and then you can kind of Manipulate the rest, but yeah, I'm not someone who's like oh you gotta be happy all the time It's just like can you are you occasionally happy? Can you have moments? Can you find happiness with your partner with your friends my dad is someone who were like the depression? Just took over the and and just wouldn't fight it wouldn't change his behaviors in any way shape or form to come Out of it and you're like I just think you have to like fight your depression at least a little. It's got to be a battle Yeah, it's got to be a battle and sometimes you need to win. How do you win just a moment where you feel What are they what leads up to the wins is it is it achievement is it is it Connection is it achievement and work feel almost like a different thing and I'm like that's important too But like for me the kind of happiness that was so tough to find is like you know me my girlfriend I'm just talking or chilling and we're I feel fun or like my my few closer friends like we're just hanging out

42:32And I'm not thinking about how much I suck or work or anything I'm just like I'm just laughing with these guys right now and I'm not thinking about we're gonna die Yeah, he's gonna die first. Yeah, it's you it's me for sure the anxiety my god and And you know sometimes we to help that I think that's why I wish I got high earlier because it was like sometimes it it helps Stoke the flames. Yeah, so nice out of all tuzz and then and then sometimes you get it on your own once in a while If you had to say once in the natural version the raw dog version what how often do you think that is more I have more little pockets with like With with my girlfriend. I think it took a long time to separate achievement Like I had to be working. I had to be working and that's all I was thinking about and I think Through a lot of trial and error and arguments. There are spaces With the two of us where I'm like okay, I feel happy Just the two of us here in this room and I'm not thinking about some bigger picture thing and it flows it comes It did did achievement

43:34Silence the lambs so to speak a little bit Sometimes people will say like what do you want to achieve in your in your life? And you know, I could list things but I'm like honestly the happiest is when I'm just on stage doing stand-up And I'm like and I have that yeah, I have to figure out how to be happy because things will come they'll go Yeah, but like if you ask me like what do I want to be doing any given moment? I'm like yeah, it's on stage and I do that. Yeah, the room could get bigger sure I don't know if it would even be more fun and bigger. I like I am I am on This is I have that part of my life. Yeah, now I have to feel now I have to address some of the other things when you say address it what are you so you've got anoron got weed you've got It's like an action sometimes what do you how are you how are you addressing it my my girlfriend grew up religious? But like okay, we'll do Shabbat dinner and Friday night will be this Friday It's it's just having people over and it's it's Prepping a space and having company and it all all feels foreign It all feels like a chore to me because I didn't grow up yeah valuing it and then somewhere along the Shabbat dinner

44:37You're sitting there you're like oh it's nice. Yeah, like I get yeah, I get it. Yeah, why people like this? That's good and it's not you don't and it's it's not followed by like but man That could be on stage. It's it's chilled that voices chilled and Performing so much that's and I see like yeah, I feel I don't want to film this minute Yeah, I've been seeing more Broadway shows recently. I think for a long time I would just go and I feel like torture like the same thing you'd go to like I've never really Like strip clubs are not a thing because I go like this is torture I'm gonna go watch someone and then yeah, will I fuck me? Yeah, and I can't have sex with and then leave and that's what like Going to Broadway felt like is like it'd be like I want to be up there. Yeah, why do I want to see other people doing this? Yeah, and I think Through time getting older and just so much fucking stage time that now I go and I'm like I don't need to be on stage Yeah, give me three days off stage and I start itching. Yeah, I know how to like

45:37Satiate that itch now. Yeah, trust that it's gonna that I'll be able to satiate it later. Do you okay? So how about? Heterosexuality you've been you've been you've been firm because you seem you you're very theatrical yeah Yeah, yeah, you have a touch of the gaze. We'll call it sure more than a touch. Yeah Do you how was that did you was that ever a thing? No, I mean, I think the opportunity was there if I wanted to Lean into it and then yeah, but I'm just saying like you were ahead or you've just like you always like women and you're all right Yeah, yeah I'm gonna try to like be more Mask and say no, I think I my mom told me when I was a kid I came home one day and was like mom I realized I'm different from other people and I'm okay with that and in a way It's it's some version of like there's some things I vibe with guys like I can talk about Dragon Ball Z in a way that I think With some straight guys would be like oh, yeah, he's a dude

46:38Yeah, and then I never gravitate to sports. I never like Star Wars. I like dancing There's pictures of me as a little kid, you know putting on my mom's heels. I like to go to ballet class. Yeah, and and You know, these things get conflated with with homosexuality in a way that like I'd I'd a gay friend Where I kind of was talking to him was like I was like why did theater? Why is theater such a haven for for gay people and and part of it he said was like Because in high school You can't express yourself in a lot of places and in theater you get you get to Express something you you're feeling different. It opens the it opens up the band Yeah, and that's what I have and I do think like certainly in a Pedra normative world It becomes so closely associated with with being gay You wanted to be wanted to express more emotions is considered gay. Yeah, exactly and then singing them

47:42That takes it to the next level of course and dancing. What I mean forget it Is there so it's like you when you're performing even that thing of like I want to be witnessed do you want to be? Sexually desired by women Or is it more like Glory Do you know what I mean like I want women to oh like I'm aware that when I'm on stage I would like women to think I'm attractive is that a consideration for you It is but glory is definitely the super the super one it's it's like When I like listen to music and a lot of times women belting I'm visualizing a kind of Me performing and witnessing it and something like God like way and I'm belting the songs and and I remember in high school when I had like an X You know, it was like I'm singing my chemical romance and she's watching me and everyone's watching me it's like that's The constructing narratives and the glory not not necessarily and then everyone's gonna fuck me. Yeah, but the narrative of like I am

48:49I am expressing So so intensely and everyone's watching that's the fantasy like it's a human Triumph yeah, black swan Is Not a good movie. Thank you. Thank you for saying it. It's guys black Swan is a lifetime movie about ballet about ballet with some interesting imagery in the second to third act What are Oscar-winning movies but lifetime movies with amazing? Go ahead same for Gone girl it's a lifetime movie and I told Jeff Cronoworth who's the DP that that's what I thought of it He's a buddy mine and we do come our sister go ahead when she dies performing The greatest thing ever I watched that and I go yeah Yeah, I fucking get it. I get it Amazing, I know people like I'm not like you. I'm just not like like Jerry's animal set on this podcast like Do you go negative on yourself? Oh sure. What's the tone? Well, why are you even doing this? You ever hear the Sunstage while you're performing?

49:53Why are you doing this you you shouldn't even be on stage? You should just be a writer You're obviously just a writer Who is performing these things he thinks he's a writer. I think I'm on stage There are points where I feel like I'm So I'm envious of the The You move on stage like you are dying to be witnessed you want cute jokes go see a Christian comedian Jews have a dark sense of humor because when you're hiding in a closet from the Nazis you can't be like knock knock Yeah, well, I'm dancing like I think I'm like I'm like yeah, I can't dance unfortunately But I do and I added enough shit to convince people to watch me dance I didn't work so hard of these jokes just to get them to watch me Prance or it's a long way to go for For for Almanali. I'm Alman Ali. I'm a choreographer. I create movement. I'm searching for truth. Yeah

50:55Just cut off the middle man. Yeah, take it and you've taken you've taken the classes and it just didn't have so uncorinated My sister one of my sisters is real is a real dancer Um, she just did a Sabrina Carpenter at Coachella. She was one of the dancers. Oh, great. So she's like she's doing it and we would take big money in back of dancing dancing These dancers to make a hundred seventy five bucks. I It's also one of these things that's for yourself. Well, I she's like do not speak about any of my business because yeah There's no power to be wielded, but it's bad dancers Are so mistreated. Yeah, no unions. It's Really is the things that she has had to put up with and and the no money. There's no big payday No, there's no big payday the top the most you know for is you're a hot choreographer for a year and a half Yeah, and that's you're not gonna really make any money on that either and by the way every dancers

51:56Retirement plan is to become a choreographer Yeah, and it's like yeah, you can't you're not all gonna be able to do it three of you are yeah And the three that are gonna do it are not good people yeah I've never met them and I'm like oh, I know I can see from the outside I've walked past the place on Melrose and they're like oh yeah, there's these people are I feel bad for them Because they're clearly there for the love of it But I look at them and I go what a cool what a cool life you go on stage I try to express myself with my voice you could do express yourself by fucking moving your whole Body and you're all I mean dear god the these dancers I'm sure it's just orgies on the road. They're just fucking they're all beautiful They're all they're all they're all they're all expressing every night They're they're all just living these thrilling lives and then you know they they're crippled at 32 and it's over Yeah, they tear something and then it's but what a life I mean They fly close to the sunboy I mean they're gonna get they're gonna get cinched but for that

53:00Hmm if I look back when I like I think back I'm like ooh maybe if I had started dancing when I was four I could a bit because it seems so fucking cool To be it funny. That's another thing where I see it and I just go like I Think it's cool. I but then I'm so like Capitalist or whatever that I'm just like you gotta make a living uh-huh like what are you gonna like when girls girls like dancers and like So what's gonna happen when he can't pay the more sure? Like baby dance for them go to the go down to the bank and do one of the Do the do the thing from the timber like tour uh-huh It's not gonna catch I read Fossie's book. I bet it was a book about Fossie. He really it's a good movie. I mean it's which one I'm The All that jazz yeah, yeah, that's I mean it's like very non-linear But if you're talking about you want to see cool abstract dance sequences. Yeah, and like mental

54:05That's I'll submit all Fossie's movies are I mean Lenny's a great movie. I only sell once You it's worth seeing again and then and then a cabaret's brilliant. I've never seen any Version of camera, but I believe I'd like it's really good. Okay, but I think it was surprising. It was like how long he tried to Still maybe be a leading now He really like even as his choreography career everything was taken off There was still every once in a while he'd go Be leading a musical like and he didn't have the talent He didn't have the talent to be a leading man good singer, but not a or good dancer not a not a very Yeah, I just didn't have the Chris you go and watch them that at the like the Lincoln Center like you go back and watch Oh, I did it once. I mean it's it's not fun. You know, yeah, I saw it was the production of the sequel And it was like Phil Psymer Hoffman Natalie Portman when she was in teen Merrill Street John Goodman Christopher walk in a crazy production. Yeah, so it's fine. You know, it's it's a it's a pro shot. It's The Fossie Michael Jackson split screen is like insane. That's you can't believe it. Yeah, you were literally like what?

55:10You hurt yeah, if you don't want to talk about I'll put it up here They met in the book in the book. They mentioned how they met and Fossie was weirded out by Michael Yeah, he did he was like that. I don't know if I want to work with this guy. Do they he wanted to work with them? Yeah, I reached out like I'm sure like the pop star like yeah, I'm swing by yeah, let's talk Yeah It's crazy. Yep a lot of people in the story. Yeah Guys we all use AI for search I I refuse to believe when people like I don't do it. I don't believe you I think we're all using it for search. We're all using it for something. That's what I'll say Is we're all using for something and my personal actual favorite is perplexity Legitimately, I couldn't believe when they said they wanted to come on as a sponsor I was like I'm already this another one of these that I manifested and they have a new product called perplexity Computer okay, which does longer Computations here's what I use it for I go to perplexity for just basic searches like just had a lo cool Jay on the pod and

56:13And it's coming it may be it's this episode and I was like just looking up stuff about him What awards he's won acting did it all right? Here's what I looked up Irrespective of LL which is who was the most referenced person in hip hop history So it went on all of the lyric websites and scoured for The most per referenced human being and by the way a living person Couldn't be Superman. I literally said not Superman like it's not doing fictional characters And I believe I'm gonna look it up and I'm gonna pause it to make sure But I believe the most referenced person in hip hop history In the most songs referring to him Jay-Z not Obama not Muhammad Ali I would have thought Brock came in at seventh my Tyson was number eight most of the Top 10 are rappers other than Barack Obama Mike Tyson and Kobe Bryant Bob Marley is number 12

57:16Michael Jackson is number 16, which I'm surprised it was surprising Anyway, but it took like 20 minutes for it to do it and it came back and it put it in sheets I also just did another one. I don't know if it was computer, but I did I'm having some hip problems. I don't want to age myself long story short But it gave me some exercises and it put it on one PDF that I've downloaded It's on my phone and I printed it up. It can just look it can do longer stuff like that and it's It's fun. It's like stuff. You're genuinely interested in like are I like using it for arguments because I'm an argumentive person and then I'm And I'm an impossible person to live with but it's fun to Debate say your partner your husband your wife. It's very fun It's the future of AI instead of being locked into one model you get to use them all basically Instead of figuring out which models best for each task Proplexity automatically uses the best model for each part of the project Like so you don't have to bounce between it does it for you Also, you can connect your Gmail your slack. It'll include it's really inclusive and it does it's

58:19What they call a big tent. It's actually really impressive and cool and helpful and we're all using it Why not use the one that's using them all you don't have to become an AI expert to get the most out of AI anymore Perplexity computer handles that part for you so you can focus on the work instead of managing the tools Here's the call to action. You knew it was coming here It is for a limited time only our listeners can try perplexity computer for free head to pplex.ai slash blocks That's pplex.ai slash bllo cks to try computer today Most AI tools are still answering questions while perplexity is completing full projects swear it's good for real Guys, I don't know if you've figured this out, but getting food delivered to your house It's getting like unreasonable like come on that the apps read just like what how did this be this was this was

59:20$21 and now it's $74 and I'm getting all kinds of discounts apparently. I'm done with it You know what I'm on cook unity you should be on a two cook unity is legitimately great I've explained before cook unity is the first chef led meal delivery service that makes your meals and small batches inside local micro Kitchens across the US not factories so every dish arrives with a kind of freshness you'd get at the restaurant itself meals from Michelin star chefs James beard winners and food network stars go to cook unity.com slash any AL or use code any al before checkout for 50% off your first week. All right. Here's the thing with cook unity You go in the app they have like dozens of chefs who each Seems to me they all make like four or five things right you can organize them by cuisine french rocking Ethiopian Mexican text mex I could go on and on Japanese sushi just on on on curries so you can go buy cuisine you can go buy like gluten-free

1:00:25I'm vegan so I get vegan stuff you can do vegetarian you can do pescatarian you can do I only eat red meat I you can do they have all the diets of the last 20 years we're living in the golden age diets right guys all the diets for last 20 years are on there You can go buy specific things you want things you don't want It's really bespoke and you can really pick what you want and I like to get a tofu curry. I like to get Chana masala. I like to get a burrito. I will scott the footage will show them the footage That's me taking it out of the fridge It comes once a week in a in a big thermal bag or whatever You stick it in the in the fridge of the freezer and You have once you put it in the freezer you have like it's fresh for at least a week So you're good for the week. You don't have to think about it. You don't have to order you don't have to wait Everything I've ordered you just open half of the comes in like paper balls basically those good paper balls And you you want to do the little plastic thing signal microwave two minutes. You're good two minutes actually too hot for a lot of stuff

1:01:27It's fresh. It's good the ingredients taste fresh. They don't taste like what happened You know in a man where you go like this tastes like China. I feel like China was involved in this It's not handcrafted small kitchen beautiful. Here's the call to action. Please pay attention Taste what happens when real award-winning chefs make fresh small batch meals just for you Go to cookunity Dotcom slash NEAL or enter NEAL before checkout to get 50% off five zero percent off your first order That's 50% off your first order by using code NEAL or going to cookunity dot com slash NEAL By the way, I did that for the first week But when you go and it's full price it's still it's still Like very reasonable so I this is a full-throated endorsement from Neil cookunity dot com slash NEAL So the work all is him you're kind of like

1:02:29Your it sounds like you're figuring it out. Yeah, I mean my dad's like my dad's I moments like that. I'm like, oh, yeah, you're just copying him. He was he's say constant owns 20 you have a thousand trademarks of different companies works nonstop Is he tired wealthy? He was he was he must be bad with money, but he he retired like when he was 45 again another part right hanging out with him was so fun Put it on the stock market. We had a Ferrari for for like a while and and then The dot com bubble bursting. I think was devastating. Yeah And suddenly I met a four of anything it was like the Ferrari just slowly going to rust and the garage never to be driven again and He just opened up a different kind of company used to do oil Cleanups in the ocean made so much money then they got better about not spilling oil Unfortunately, right and now he described metal recycling, but I think he's always trying new ventures and wants to open like a

1:03:33Purse line and wants to open like Rebring back Sarrazy pasta for whatever reason and and invest in weed companies and and do you find yourself Drifting in that direction or I have my different shows I have my my theater adult show and I want to do this so I think you do you have like different What do you you have different version of shows? I'm like a new show concept separate from stand-up That's more like theater-based so I can do something with those super niche theater jokes got it But we're a podcast. It's like yeah, I think I have that entrepreneurial spirit and You just try not to let it grow out of hand for you because it's like 80d is it like A little bit like I want this do you lose interest and gain interest or do you keep interest and Book your life so tight. I think it's so easy to just like become Distracted by the the busy to do things because those are easy and and you just have to make sure you're making time to like Invest and make the thing good in and of himself. So I have that for my dad being a workaholic

1:04:39He told me he's like he's like I'm never I never want to be in a retirement home I he's gonna die at work He's not how would would you want to die at work? You want to witness do you want everybody? I've had that thought about like dying a strange right you're gonna stream your your dad. Of course of course Something will big joke I die the problems you die in stage. It's usually it's like it's a heart attack and that sucks But I like the idea of you sit gradually applause I think I would want my my girlfriend to come out and give me a hug too I don't want to just be alone on stage and die It's like faulty it's like all that jazz he was in the hospital bed, but he had an audience too Everyone was applauding his ex-wife was there his current lover was there his daughter like that's it is a psychotic drug addict Yeah, he was nuts and you read that book and you go like you go Man, I think to be as great as I fantasize You can't get that out of all Self-destructive. Yeah, I have to be okay with I have to be okay with taking Adderall every day. Yeah

1:05:43Keep traveled with a pill case. Yeah, he was ready to die for his addiction to showbiz You might be too square I agree To really be great. All right. We've got singing struggles which What does that mean? I think it was like in the beginning like singing was like oh that's that's the key to glory Like that's what I'm gonna do and I practiced I wasted a lot of college. She's practicing Singing in a awful heat heated vocal booth alone Just doing scales for two hours a day not going out what are scales exactly just like you play a chord you go Do do And trying to like do the right technique get a higher note And I do you okay that thing that duh that that type of note I don't like it Uh-huh, does that mean I don't like theater because that sounds like like

1:06:47Uh-uh, the dr. Do little singing or like or music man or like something like Like I can't I can't do it, but what is that? It's just a different style like what might say is that is that a healthy or approach to singing or it's just Has more resonance. Yeah, and there's musical theater genres of everything now I mean older school musical theater it it you know evolved out of the like opera tradition and so it had that Oh, but you know, there's that super started like I like this I like Jesus Christ Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I something about that that doesn't sound like any life I've ever lived Yeah, whereas the in is I guess it's just Is it my day is it calm? I think it's what you what you grow up with I think like I bet if at the right age you had Listen to classical musical theater it would have imprinted on your brain in a different way

1:07:48I think so much about music enjoyment like is tied to nostalgia in in such a deep way sometime doesn't I don't I'm not that familiar with it, but like I've watched the song. I'm documentary Yeah, I mean the company one genius the company one. Yeah, but no one really sings like that the main guy Bobby I guess he got a little bit, but like a lane's trick is on there to be like Yes, too late is yeah, yeah, I really witness because my my girlfriend she grew up Hubad which is like a sub-sector of chacidism uh and had no real music in her life Like plasma music like very traditional Jewish so you can groom her however you want no, but she doesn't even like it She doesn't like music like she'll listen and she likes see the here and there like I love when people don't like a thing that everyone I don't like even me not as like we first time we did trums at the end We were like we didn't listen to any music we operate differently music overwhelms her mind. It's so much noise and

1:08:48her Spotify rap says you didn't listen to enough music to say anything about you and To me it's such a clear indicator of it's like yeah, you weren't raised with music playing It doesn't it doesn't connect to some deeper nostalgia thing. Yeah, and it's that same way We're sometimes I'm like I shouldn't have listened to so much musical theater because now there's so few people who can relate With the thing that I love well by the way I went and saw Uh Becky Shaw, yeah, and it was $220. Yeah, so I'm like who would pay this some of those lines are so good No, I'm not I'm not here to to uh, I so like saw it though. It's so yeah, no, it's it yes. I have a longer We can I'll have a longer. I don't want to get far down with it, but my point is Who can afford this? I've been seen more plays recently and you go oh Everyone here is so old so well that was okay, so I at Becky Shaw They're holding signs

1:09:49Like everywhere turn your phone off and then you realize during the play The these people are too old to understand how to turn their phone off. Uh-huh. How like five phones went off. Yeah, yeah, uh-huh The it's like what are you were you talking to these people can barely understand their phone. Yeah, because they're all at least 70 Yeah, and wealthy So it's gonna affect You you've done them you know what's gonna happen. It's just gonna all it I'm sure it was already only appealing to a certain type of person now it's like Well, Broadway's I mean Broadway's It's it's a mess. I mean, it's not in a good. It's not in a healthy place But like the whole idea is like yeah, you should have I see Becky Shaw and I go oh I could bring my little brother here It doesn't love theater and he'll like this. Yeah, he'll go oh fuck. Oh, I didn't know theater could be edgy You know, I mean everyone talks about comedy being edgy so much and I'm like you see some plays. Yeah, you want to go see the goat by Edward Albe You'll see it's a guy he the he's fucking a goat and that's the story. Yeah, and and

1:10:56It's depressing where where you go like oh what happened that like younger people aren't being brought into this art form Because it's cost prohibitive. Yeah, I mean it was very expensive He's like what it guess it's good, but like yeah, yeah, yeah relax At least that's like a musical you're like well at least they sang and there was a band and I guess was worth this ticket price If they're just talking you're like okay, I have the time they're carrying their own shit off stage. Yeah, yeah I thought I might some of this might even go to a crew Um All right, and what are we singing I can't what's the what's the OCD? So I think it was like When I was obsessively practicing singing and not fluff your hair. You're not gonna like your hair Thank you. I appreciate that people don't do that enough Um, it's worse, but whatever People practice People practice oh, I thought I'd get better and I was just like wasn't in therapy and I was just like

1:11:56obsessively oh this note didn't work. I tried again. I tried again. I tried again. I tried again. I tried again Oh, my voice a little time I go I would do this 300 times today Hmm, and it was me like checking my voice is it still there is it still free and what is this for meaning what did you I This it speaks to the dance dream. Yeah, where Was this headed it was so that you'd be glorified and express and it's like you so I think it's not it's I think like the Dead scene you know if you look at like a reality TV star It's like I want to be I want that to be earned It's got to be both and there's a thing with singing where it's like I want to like Rip open my chest you will out a high note do a full narrative and earn The glory yes, I was so I was trying so hard to do it and

1:12:57My I'd imitate it. I just didn't have the talent right okay That's what I want to talk about cuz I find it really interesting is going like well I think I'd like to be This but I'm actually this uh, how did that feel what was it like? It was gradual it didn't like I I graduated and there were no you know No one was going please star in this musical and so then I joined an acting company and suddenly acting became Oh, I can do this and I wanted to beat Daniel De Lewis and I was working so fucking hard And then I moved to to New York from this acting company and it's like It's I mean, it's awful profession just acting yeah, and not a profession. It's a hobby Yeah, that some people make a living and I you know I had I came from enough money that like I was being able to pay for casting director workshops and getting a line here are some commercials And then and then I wrote a play and I talked to the audience in the play and suddenly it was like

1:14:01Oh, maybe I'm good at this I was getting a lot of good feedback about that and then I got in a comedy club and so it went from like singing okay I won't be a great singer, but I think I'm gonna be a great actor And then nothing going on and then stand up It it clicked it fit my abilities I feel like I failed into it for sure Does it feel like that still or does the positive feedback to overwhelm that I don't know that I There's times where you go I just talk on stage I can't say I can't dance Uh, hopefully I can act enough to be in some things, but There's moments I go what there's moments I don't value it and there's moments I think this is The true Nairing of intellectual and art together and I've been vacillated between those two things

1:15:04Well, because you you're a you have a good brain. So I'm wondering like why I guess you've just wanted glory so much more than you wanted like any sort of intellectual or in respect for intelligence Because like singing no one's going like this singer is really smart like you don't value being told your smart I think it's because I'm like I know the ways that I'm so fucking stupid Yeah, it's ignore that if I can't I you know, I think like I'll do Like my my girlfriend is we're smart in very different ways But like if we do a crossword together at the same time the way that I couldn't even keep up with her I go I'm an idiot. Yeah, I my memory is fucking awful my retention is awful I think I can like grapple with concepts and I think but interesting you respect this stuff. It's like requires I mean I guess retention There's moments I feel I feel like oh you're faking you're faking your intellect. Yeah, but I

1:16:08You when I look at you I go like you're just knowing you're seeing you your Your ability to retain things be specific about things be articulate. I'm ADD. I go all over the place I yeah loose track if I try to write pros if anyone is who's gotten an email from me goes oh my god I'm in the moral top of the bottom moral communicator got it All right on sentences are out of control the parentheticals that I'm using are insane If they entered me into chat so you don't so you were like Okay, so you were like I'm not So when you go on stage you're not Expressing ideas necessarily you're expressing. I'm expressing ideas too I think I think ultimately if I had succenas an actor or a singer I would have I would have eventually Budded up with like that desire to be like hey, this is all bullshit. Yeah, right? Well, that's what it's like I want to write something or like it it is just greener grass where you're like you know I'm Which is almost without fail the worst?

1:17:10Ah When the singer wants to write yes, I mean I get whatever there's some good song writers they were singers but but Was worse that when the writer wants to say I mean what I mean to hold your applause Um, yeah, but when the writer wants to think it's it's a nightmare. Yeah Yeah, no, I'm interested in the idea that if you walk around going like of course I should have been doing this or you walk around going like I should be Singing don't you say I still like wish like now I'm like dabbling into like Like singing again, and I'm you know auditioning as as you do and I I have to pretend that I don't think I'm a bad actor because I want to Books and work. It depends on the day, ma'am Sometimes I'm like I'm a comedian and I'm I feel happy about that I'm like I'm like I did like you know, I listen to Carlin growing up. I did left side foot. Yeah, I'm like this is cool And then there's other times I see a great performance and I go man. I will never know What it is to fully express and and somebody else is writing

1:18:13I know I know you're expressing someone else's ideas. That's the thing. It's like you're embodying them You're you're a vessel. It's still a lot. You're not you're embodying them, but that's not You're in you can on stage you can embody your ideas. Yeah. Yeah. Well then how can I see people who do all of them? Yeah You know if I see like a bow burn him like I remember like seeing inside was like a Oh, I I should kill myself like this is well, why should I make anything? This is so a full embodiment of these these thoughts and these feelings and so well communicated and musical and singing and It was really tough It's like I think I've gotten better at watching art without immediately feeling self-loathing But it's a battle It's a fucking battle to enjoy We'll aspire to it then sure okay, there's certain limitations. I'm never why don't you write a funny song

1:19:19Honestly, yeah, maybe Sometimes you go some as you go well If you're not a songwriter, yeah, or it's also like I know I'm not a visual Person I don't know if I could be a director in some capacity someday, but I'm not I don't think like that. I just have to Embrace the things that I'm naturally inclined to do and stand up is Yeah, you are you're very good at comics. I like I would say relax. I mean I Easy for me to say and maybe the tension is what's helping you be good, but well that's you can enjoy it I feel I'm I'm way happier navigating it than than I used to be and I think I think some of that success and some of that's like having a partner who insists on some some regular semblance of life and community and like gradually being like okay, this is important And it doesn't it's not gonna hurt the the other things that neuroticism of like well if I'm I could have been great Had I practiced on Friday instead of a Shabbat dinner and it's kind of like no

1:20:21Sometimes you take breaks it makes you better at a certain point. There's no Or just the or in your head going like no Shabbat dinner's actually gonna make my comedy better This is the better use of my time to or my ability They're two separate things and it will be neutral. It will have a neutral effect. How about this? About I know two different things and want not in competition with the other don't you ever when you're going to like a really awful thing those sunnets going like Is this some day I'll get a bit out of it. Yeah, yeah, that's how he's that's a comfort. Yeah, that's a comfort but the but Shabbat dinner is not a thing that you're going for you wait for the Shabbat special. It's gonna be great Guys John Marcus Raysie. He's he's uh He's got to go for me for clothes for his wardrobe and And he's got help his net. He's got he's got he's got the full podcast the fucking

1:21:23YouTube's he's got clips. He's got He's got everything. Yeah, he's practicing scales. Uh-huh. You need him. Please consume him. Give him his quarry oh Mmm