Happiness journey with Dr Dan podcast: Season 33 Ep 1: Special Guest, author of Finding Courage to change, Ana Megrelishvili

Welcome everyone to the Happiness Journey with Octodent Podcast where every journey is worth

living.

My name is Octodent and I'm your host for today's episode.

I'm a bilingual cognitive behavior and oral linguistic practitioner specializing in

anger management issues, both court appointed and private, marriage and relationship coaching,

dissociative disorders, narcissistic personality disorders, depression, anxiety, dream analysis,

and also provide life, business and retirement coaching support.

I provide individual one-on-one session in both French or English and also do group

settings.

If you need any assistance, reach out to DMV Therapy and Coaching Services at 301-325-1550

and a website can be found on lifecoachden.com.

Now in today's podcast, I'm very excited to welcome a very special guest for the first

episode of season 33, author of Finding Courage to Change and co-authored a best-selling

book with Jack Kentfield, Success Redefined.

Miss Anna, oh, hold on, yeah, Miss Anna, Meg Wresch-Lively, I hope I'm not screwing

you up, sharing her personal journey, living in poverty and homelessness and finding

incredible success due to her resilience and unravering commitment to making a change

in this world.

So without further ado, and as with all of our previous episodes, I'll leave it up to

the guest to probably introduce herself as no one else can do about a job.

Anna, the floor is yours.

Thank you so much, Dr. Dan, for having me on your podcast.

It's Anna Meg Wresch-Lively, very different last name.

It's from the country Georgia where I'm originally from and like you mentioned, everything

that you said of what you're coaching, I wish my family had that because I grew up

in very highly dysfunctional settings.

I actually lived in Eastern Europe until I immigrated to the United States in 2008 and just

kind of really crawled myself out of poverty, despair, a lot of abuse and came to the United

States as a student and really molded myself in who I am today through a lot of therapy,

a lot of healing journey.

And so we'll talk more obviously about it today, but I'm so grateful for you inviting

me to share my journey with your audience today.

Absolutely.

I always try to find guests from all over the world to be able to inspire our listeners

because you know, especially after the pandemic, the post-pandemic effect of mental health

has really put a lot of people in very, very difficult mental health situation where some

of them either had the opportunity to address it and others are still shoved it under

the rug and have not really coped with the challenge that they face on a daily basis.

So that in itself is obviously a very, very important factor or I would say goal of this

podcast is to be able to help as many people as we possibly can and reach out as many as

purple possibly can all over the world.

So thank you again for being here today.

So really actually honored and very happy to have you on.

So tell us a little bit more when you say about you living in poverty or homelessness.

Was it in the U.S. or was it in your country of birth?

So actually my it was in Russia.

So even though my family is from Georgia for about 12 years, I lived as an immigrant in

Russia and it was a very challenging time for my family because we were very isolated from

our usual community such as relatives and friends my parents grew up with.

And so this is, you know, honestly loneliness and isolation is one of the worst things that

could happen to people who live in poverty or very unstable circumstances because when

something unexpected happens, there's really nothing and nobody you can reach out to for

help.

And so my father struggled with alcoholism where he would actually go on this binge drinking

where he would just disappear for days and back then my mom was a stay at home mom.

So I was about eight years old and my younger brother was one year old and so my mom was

with my brother and my father would disappear for days at a time and we would just be starving,

frankly.

And so, you know, one of the first memories of shame and just feeling like I'm less of

that I remember was when I was eight years old because I had to go out in the streets

and collect bottles in the trash cans and then out in the streets and so that I could take

them to a recycling plant because back then you could basically get a little bit of money

for each bottle you turn in.

And so I would do that for as long as I would get enough money to buy a loaf of bread.

And so I would buy a loaf of bread and that would be all we would eat that day until

my father would decide to come back and, you know, he was the breadwinner of the family.

He stopped paying rent and so as you can imagine, after months of basically not paying rent,

the landlord got sick of coming and knocking on doors and so we got kicked out of our apartment

and that we were renting for a while.

We stayed with a couple of women that my mom knew so they would allow my mom and us to stay

with them, not my father.

I don't know.

I was too young to know really what my father was doing at that point.

And then eventually it led to the point where my grandmother who was still living in Georgia,

the country said that's enough.

You need to bring children to back to Georgia, at least here I have an apartment for you.

And so it was really my grandmother who rescued us from that life and we returned back to Georgia.

And then it was an interesting dynamic shift there.

So when we arrived back in Georgia, my mother was basically from stay at home mom became

the breadwinner.

So then my mom was working and my father was kind of laying on the couch all day doing nothing.

And still constantly struggling with alcohol abuse and then that led to a lot of fighting,

a lot of just dysfunctionality in our family.

And then throughout this whole process, one of the things I talk about in my book is about

child sexual abuse.

So my father was the one who began sexually abusing me from the age of nine until 12.

And so I carried that again, dark shame and wouldn't tell anybody until I was honestly

my 20s was when I first shared that that has happened to me.

And so this topic is surrounded by so much just people are not talking about it as much

as they should and this feels very isolating to victims.

And so I oftentimes share this in my speeches and the podcasts that I do so that men and

women who have experienced that don't feel alone because there's so many of us.

And the more I speak about it, the more people come out and tell me, hey, this has happened

to me last year, I actually had a gentleman in his 60s who shared a story about something

that happened to him in his childhood.

And that was the first time he shared it.

Imagine he carried it for almost 60 years old.

And then finally was able to share it because he heard my story.

And so I think sharing becomes a powerful tool for healing.

Absolutely.

And so in your book, Finding Courage to Change, do you include also your sexual abuse in

it?

Or is it something that you?

I do.

Yeah.

I don't go into a lot of detail.

I don't find it very helpful for sharing any type of a lot of details about specific situations.

But I talk it from the perspective of this is the trauma that has happened and how it

has affected me because it has.

And that trauma affects different people differently.

The way it affected me, I became just Uber type A overworking personality because I constantly

felt that I was less than other people.

I felt like I had to prove my worth through the work that I was doing.

And so that's where you see I was, you know, I won the scholarship to come from my country

to the United States with a full ride.

I got full scholarship to do my MBA.

You see this patterns, you know, anytime I worked, I got promoted over and over again.

But it led to a lot of burnout.

So what would happen every year, I would get so incredibly sick.

And that was my body just giving up because I would literally not allow myself to rest

until I was sick.

And that was the only time that year I would literally just sit on the couch and watch

movie.

And very, you know, unhealthy pattern, but it's masked as a ambition and positive things.

But in reality, it was caused by my trauma.

Interesting.

So here's a very, I would say, complex question for you, Anna.

There's actually this what we call dialectics of happiness, which is where we are a lot,

now especially in our society, focused to personal growth, focusing to change.

But yet, happiness has also another arm, which tells you to be able to love the way

who you are today, self acceptance.

So if you're focusing a lot of time to change, you're becoming a better version of yourself

to always try to excel, especially for what you've, to kind of compensate for what

you're working on.

So that means that you were never happy.

Right.

So I, I used to be hypercritical of myself.

And so when you're talking about accepting who you are, I frankly didn't really know

even who I was until, so I had this journey where I had a spiritual awakening moment that

happened actually during pandemic in 2020.

And so I went from being an atheist to knowing God.

And so during that journey, I actually quit my corporate job and I went on a year long

sabbatical.

And the most interesting thing that happened during that year is that I realized I was

in my thirties and I had no clue what I truly want, who I'm truly am, because there

was so many complex layers of what society told me I should be, what my family told me

I should be, you know, and I never truly actually worked in a job that brought me happiness

and fulfillment.

It was always, my goal was always both acquisition because I grew up so, so poor.

And so that was the, the year when I actually slowed down and allowed myself to, I constantly

kept asking myself this question, what do you want and what don't you want?

And I realized how many things I said yes to because of whatever reason, obligation, feeling

bad when I didn't really truly wanted to do it.

And so my, that happiness, a level that contentment level started rising because I now was really

doing what brought me joy, what I wanted to do and also became less critical of myself.

Now don't get me wrong.

I still have that voice in me, but now I, I at least have the tools to recognize when

I'm overly critical of myself and then I'm able to bring in that, you know, wise voice

that says, okay, this is really helpful right now for you to be really bringing yourself

down in this situation.

And so this allowed me to just be more gentle with myself because I was my harshest critic

for the longest time.

And, you know, it doesn't say that, I think, let me try to remember if I'm going to

get it straight.

I said that most people spend the first 15 years of their lives to be able to gain wealth

at the expense of their health.

So to use their wealth to fix their health on the second part of their 15 years, if they

actually, you know, reach to 100.

So do you know that that was your path that you were taking, which is trying to get as

many promotion and the way that now you're actually changing the way that you see life

and what happiness means to you?

Right.

Exactly.

I'm sure different people have a different goal.

So for me back then, that goal that for me was you made it was to acquire a like this

fancy condo in the middle of the city.

So this was my think of it, American dream when I came to this country that I worked

so hard toward.

And so I actually purchased my condo on March 2nd of 2020.

So literally a week before the shutdown happened.

And by that time, you know, it was in demolition stage.

So I actually had to do all of the renovation work in the midst of the pandemic.

And so luckily, I pre-ordered everything.

So the renovation was completed.

And I remember, so think about this.

This was a dream that I was working over over 10 years toward, working hard and all

those promotions and long hours.

And I moved in and it took me about a month.

And I remember sitting on the couch drinking coffee in the morning and I was like, oh, now

what?

That happiness feeling that the purchase of the condo brought me lasted about a month.

And that was the moment when I realized this is unsustainable.

I can't continue working this hard for the next big acquisition goal only for it to last

a month and then for me to feel this emptiness again.

And so that was the moment I think that really changed how I thought about what happiness

means, what is it that I want out of my life.

And I knew that was not it.

And so I said, I need to get off this ride and figure out what's next for me.

And that sabbatical year that I mentioned was really that transition year from my old

self to where I am today and really working in my calling.

So I found my calling and you hear that sometimes people say, like, you know, if you work and

do something where you would do it for free, then you found your calling.

That's exactly where I am.

So like I often ask people, like imagine, like close your eyes and imagine that there

is $300 million sitting in your bank account right now.

How would you change your life, right?

And so people often immediately say, I'm going to quit my job.

I'm going to travel the world and the thing is I would say, really, I wouldn't change

anything except I would do my mission faster.

And so, you know, even the travel part, I traveled for six months non-stop during my sabbatical

and then I realized, this is fun for short term, but in the long run, it's unsustainable

for me to continue traveling and I wanted a home base.

So even some of the things we think will bring us happiness.

Eventually, if you do it so much, you will realize, hey, balance is important and everything.

As they say, too much of a thing is not a good thing.

Exactly.

So you have to look at it this way.

Yeah.

So I think you bring up a very, very interesting point, Ana.

And the thing is, is that what I've seen in many of my clients coming to me for coaching

and for therapy is that they all ask me, well, then, you know, I used to wish to have that

and when I had it, it no longer brings me any joy, any anything that I could actually

take on for a long while.

And then I asked them, well, what is exactly are the things that you're seeking in life?

Is it more materialistic or more experiences?

Because again, materialistic.

Yeah, you get yourself your condo, you get yourself a luxury car or exotic cars, but

are you going to take that with you in the other world?

So you have to see, what are you going to be able to take with you?

And are you going to take all this with pride?

Because again, you could make millions of dollars back-stopping millions of people, is

that something that you could sleep at night and be proud of yourself?

Exactly.

Exactly.

So again, it just depends on how do you want to live your life and not living in the shadow

of what society dictates.

And this is why it's important that you detach yourself, not use specifically, Ana.

But overall, detach yourself from what society expects from you.

And again, you have to live your own life.

We all have some form of destination that we all have to reach if we ever reach it.

And then again, no one's going to tell you how to live your life.

And that's why I think societal pressure are so common in today's world that people

are no longer living a life that they could feel happy about.

You're exactly right.

And when you go against the society, it's actually people don't realize that I want to share

it here.

I received a lot of resistance from people in my life.

So I actually have lots of people.

Some people just kind of looked at me like I was crazy for walking away from my corporate

job where I was making tons of money and to pursue what I'm doing now, which is a lot

of nonprofit work and I'm building community in the city where I live.

And people kept questioning me and discouraging me from doing it.

And if you're not a strong person, you would go back to the comfort zone because going

against the society is going against the comfort zone.

And it's not an easy journey by any means.

But it is so funny to me right now.

Some people who have stayed in my life throughout the whole journey.

Now they don't remember all the negative things they used to tell me when I first started

doing it.

And now they're like, oh my goodness, we're so proud of you that you're doing this, right?

Because now they don't see all the hard work and fears and the tears and everything that

also took to take this leap of faith.

They only see now the results.

They see that I've written books, I started a business, I started a nonprofit, I speak

on podcasts.

So they see only the upside of this journey, but they don't see all the hard work that

they took to get there.

And it's interesting that you say that as well, Ana, it's because more and more people

now are just too afraid to get out of this comfort zone because they're afraid of lack

of validation that people do not see them as typical slaves of what we see in our society

nowadays.

And people are just kind of like too afraid to take any move, they're afraid of their

own shadow.

And that's really really scary because how are we going to have anyone that we're able

to take on the different monsters that we see around us?

And if they're too afraid to even look at who they are in a mirror.

And that in itself causes a lot of people to not take any action because they're afraid

of repercussions.

But then again, how do we live our life with no fear?

Because fear is there, no matter what it is.

This is the brain construct because of your past experiences in life and whatever challenges

you face, whatever comes out like, I'm sure for a moment there that when you, because

of your sexual abuse that you've experienced, I'm sure that if you see someone that looks

very similar to your dad, you're going to bring those connections together and that

fear is going to be surface.

Yeah, and you know, that's why therapy is so important is when those triggers and fears

come up, you have the tools to recognize them.

And so you, you understand that this is just something from your past that's not necessarily

this person is not going to harm you today.

And so I highly encourage everybody who experienced significant trauma to go through therapy because

it equips you with, you know, just knowledge and tools on how to deal with it.

But also, you know, now what I share is sometimes our fears are much bigger in our head than

what it is in reality.

So when I was first considering quitting my job, I actually wrote down all of my fears

on the piece of paper.

And you know, you can imagine some of those fears where I'm going to be homeless.

I am not going to find my calling and all the things you can imagine.

I've written it down.

And then I also made another list where I said, okay, but what if it, what if it works?

What's my best case scenario outcomes out of this sabbatical journey that I'm about to

take?

And I wrote down that list too.

And what I tell everybody is my mind was not big enough to comprehend actually how many

outcomes it would bring that I couldn't even imagine.

You know, writing a book with Jack can fill this somebody who I highly respect and he's

changed my life.

He's been, you know, influential coach for so many years, co-writing a book with him.

I would never have imagined.

I would have done that.

I would have, you know, met him and speak with him and work with him.

Just that's a small example.

The fact I started so on my list of dreams where I wanted to start a foundation and

on profit foundation, I thought this would be at the end of my life when I, you know,

I'm rich and I can afford it.

I started a foundation in my 30s, you know, some things that I thought were unachievable

or not even on my radar has happened through this journey because I allowed myself to

go against the society.

Absolutely.

I mean, I had also the honor to be able to meet Zig Zigler before he passed away.

He was on state with his daughter.

I remember it was in Washington, DC and then I met him backstage and all.

And these are people that you get inspired from.

I mean, all those motivation, all those, you know, and this a lot of truth behind it,

but people sometimes they just look at it and say, no, no, this is too simple.

If it's not complex, it is not true.

It is not real.

People always look complexity and when something is too difficult to achieve, they give up.

Mm-hmm.

But in reality, you know, it's not worth, you know, going after his is going to be easy.

I know exactly, but again, like I said, because I think people are just, you know, people

are afraid of the unknown.

Let's face it, I know.

If you don't know what's going to happen in the next year or the next month, you hesitate

from taking action.

Like for you, I'm sure that the fact of taking one year off sabbatical to be able to explore

the world and you didn't know what was going to be the outcome when you come back from

your travels.

So that in itself causes you to having to really overanalyze and overplan whatever you're

going to go.

What time you're going to be there?

How much money you're going to be able to spend in each location and to be able to meet

your budget?

Obviously, you do not want to run out of money.

So that in itself causes you to say, well, if something happens, how am I going to be

able to have?

What is the plan B?

Yeah, of course.

And then, you know, sometimes what ended up happening, I became, you know, follower of

Christ unexpectedly in 2020 and that's kind of completely changed my life.

And I was atheist and suddenly I had this newfound faith.

And I learned that through this connection and having a relationship with God, sometimes

I as a human only saw option A or option B. And oftentimes, option C was shown to me.

That was a lot better than what my human mind would comprehend.

And it would happen exactly the way that, you know, in my prayer, I received a message

and then it's exactly how it happened.

And so I started going on this spiritual retreats every year where I just kind of shut down

the world.

I'm in complete silence.

I'm disconnected from everybody.

And these spiritual retreats allowed me to really advance in my life, in my mission,

in my healing.

And so I mean, if you would have told me five, six years ago, this is where I would be

today, I would have laughed in your face because I was in a height of my corporate career.

I didn't believe in anything spiritual.

And today, you know, I am in a complete different life that I was today, but I'm so much

happier.

Well, that's, that's amazing.

And I think you being happy and you are showing to others, especially writing your journey

in, you know, in your book, finding courage in, you know, like in the difficult times or

in, you know, finding courage to change.

I think this is something that people need to read to be able to better understand that

if you made it happen and if any random people can make it happen, why can't they themselves?

But then again, there's a lot of other factors that actually pushes them to be able to take

action for you, for what you've experienced in your childhood.

This is what, that was your drive.

That was really push you to be able to achieve the epitome of your career.

And at the same time, that was the motivation that really drove you to where you are today.

Now, if people have had a great childhood or something that was very easy peasy, that

they had everything they wanted, they were entitled, are they going to have the same level

of motivation that you had?

Does the big question?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I do notice this pattern that a lot of people, if you, if you think about the

Uber successful, the people who go against the society and you read their stories, most

of the time it's the stories are not the happy childhood where everything was smooth sailing.

And so I, there is something to say that when you take that trauma and you use it as a motivation

for the good, for me at least that's how I look at it because I had two choices.

I could have allowed my, my trauma, my unhappiness and hurt to affect me and be the victim of it

for the rest of my life or I could take it and use it for the good because then I, it's

not pointless.

To me, I want to use the past as a catalyst for improving my life and those who are around

me and, and however I can influence it through my voice, I'm willing to do it.

And that's why I do these podcast interviews is, is to share that if I, from Eastern Europe

with all the trauma was able to do what I'm doing, of course you can do so much more.

If, you know, if you have the support system, I had no support system, I had to figure it

out on my own.

You are so blessed and lucky to have the support system who can, who can give you that boost

toward a better future.

Absolutely.

So if you could let us know how to find your book before we end this podcast, I'm sure

that a lot of people would love to be able to read your story.

Oh, absolutely.

Amazon is the easiest to just search for finding courage to change and click order.

And you said Amazon and Amazon, you don't want us to reach out to you and, and speak with

you are getting coach.

Do you offer those services as well?

I do.

The easiest way is to contact me via my email address.

And do you typically post those in the, in the comment?

Um, yes.

So usually what I do, I, I add your information.

I mean, maybe your email address, not your email address because it's slammed with that.

But usually like, either your website address or anything of that, you could actually reach

out to you and schedule directly with you.

Okay.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Also, I'll provide that to you.

Beautiful.

Well, Anna, that is all the time that we are for today's podcast.

And again, thank you sincerely for taking the time of your busy schedule.

I'm really high pleasure.

Thank you for having me.

Absolutely.

We all appreciate your participation to this episode by teaching the importance of pushing

through regardless of the challenges you may face in life.

And also the key is to never give up and keep thriving at your pace without comparing

yourself to any other people out there.

So to our millions of listeners out there, we also hope that you've enjoyed today's episode

as much as we did.

And we're very excited for what's ahead of season 33 of the Happiness Journey with Octodem

Podcast featuring a lineup of incredible guests with powerful stories that will continue

to uplift and inspire all of you.

So here are some concluding words of wisdom.

Life will challenge you in ways you never expected, but progress is made by those who keep

moving anyway.

Pushing through doesn't mean rushing.

It means staying committed, even when the road feels heavy.

Your pace is your power.

The road doesn't require comparison to anyone else's journey.

Every step forward, no matter how small, is proof of resilience, giving up only guaranteed

stagnation while persistence keep possibility alive.

Thriving is not about perfection, but consistency through adversity.

Trust your timing, honor your effort, and keep going.

As long as you don't quit, you're still winning.

My name is Dr. Dan Amzelag and you may all keep pursuing your amazing journey in life.

Stay tuned for our next episode.