HASHTAG # HEALING PHASE - EPI 42

Well, guys, we want to tell you, you know, we appreciate all the shares.

We appreciate all the ratings and reviews and comments.

Hit five stars on us on iTunes.

Make fun of Brian's jeans.

They're not that short, really.

It's my, they're, you know, you know, YouTube's been a good place too.

We've got a lot of people watching on YouTube and checking them out.

So we appreciate the reviews there too, guys, for just more and more to feed or chaos or more

to wait like you're taking them around like, what good is all this?

So all just, you know, you're making a decision in a motion, which is not healthy.

And you probably haven't processed all your emotions.

What I know just from like my season of complete meltdown, where I had a panic attack, which

you don't control those.

I found that out like I kept in my head, getting that we started the conversation here.

You get the next right answer and so you just go work the next right answer.

Any answer you have to fix something, you go fix whatever you can fix, but you're not

dealing with anything.

So it's all mounting up in the heart and internally and you haven't done any of it.

And as if you're a dude, I can't speak for women, you're still able to kind of operate

because you're accomplishing something until you can't.

And yeah, and you're on autopilot using your gifts and talents to accomplish whatever,

the real problem, and I even heard from the Lord, was you have all this responsibility,

but really what you have is fear and a lot of excuses.

As you're called to step away and minister and be refreshed, but get your soul minister

to get your spirit minister to fill up rest, your body, rest your mind, bring peace in

from somewhere.

And the only place that peace comes in when there's chaos is time with the Lord.

You have to get away.

I have yet to have a bunch of stuff go on ever and get on a boat and hit water and get

10 feet off of the dock and water and stuff not change.

Like it breaks something for me, being in what God created and a lot of guys say they get

that out of the woods, but like I'm away from whatever was pulling at me, whatever was

talking to me, the massive amount of weight and I just can just get some kind of like clarity.

That you can probably do that when you run.

Yeah, and that's one of the reasons I do run is just to like anything I've been thinking

about is you just stop thinking about it because you have to focus on I got to take another

step.

I got to take another step.

I got to get home.

I got to do this like whatever.

And it's like run and yeah, I mean, I haven't ran this week because I did a trail race

last week, which was super fun, but yeah, I mean, or in 15 miles on Sunday, but it was

awesome because it was like, man, this is like the responsibilities of like home, there's

months, billions of kids of work of whatever.

This all kind of goes away for a while.

You can pick it back up, but that is also like something that I learned in school.

So I went to school to do ministry, did full time vocational ministry for five years

after college and one of my professors and I, I say this a lot because it's probably

the one thing from college that if I look back and say, I need to erase everything else,

I can't erase that.

He said, your family doesn't deserve your trauma from work, like find a place to drop

it off on the way home.

And like I tell people that all the time and I'm like about to officiate a wedding and

I told people that and one of them is a cop and she's like, you know, I just deal with

like so much stuff at work and I was like, well, I'm not saying don't talk about it at

home, just saying like don't trauma dump on them when they didn't ask for it kind of

thing.

And that's hard to do.

But yeah, find a place to like lay your burden down on the way home and you can pick

it back up tomorrow.

That's a really good point, like, so first off, some of the stuff we're talking about,

we don't have the answers for some of those seasons and we can't fix, but you said something

really, really important.

So one, sometimes we're dealing with things that we can't fix.

We're definitely dealing with things where I went, it goes back to what we were talking

about.

We're definitely dealing with things when we have things happen to us or to those

we care about that are out of our control.

Yeah.

And so when we want to control things, it's going to put us in a chaos.

But what you said that was incredibly powerful was, where do I take this?

Men suck.

We absolutely suck at slowing down and being like, all right, I'm in this work crisis.

Yeah.

Where's the guy that's up here or a mentor that spiritually is aligned and has some

some peace in his life right now that I could call and be like, I'm not okay.

Well, it has also like some experience too of like, you're saying like with a mentor

with a, whatever, like if it's a work situation, like I don't know how to deal with it instead

of speeding the engine up and like trying to dive head first and just go, go, go into

the problem.

It's okay to like get off the boat, wipe your feet, call somebody who might have a

higher perspective, a non company perspective of your problem.

Well, they're outside your emotion too.

Yeah.

And so you need somebody for business or work related stuff.

It's ahead of you.

You need somebody for marriage for sure.

Yeah.

Marriage is harder than work.

Marriage.

I mean, that's why you're supposed to have men like mentors is because they've done

stuff.

And you haven't.

So quite frankly, and Brian, we've done this.

So Brian and I have a lot to offer each other.

Most of the time we don't because you have to have somebody when you've done so much.

Like, and this is healthy and mature too.

Like I'm not ready to go sit down with that meant.

Yeah.

Like I have it had a time breaking fun and so long.

It's not even fun.

And so that was, uh, check, check, or my comments, I'm going to be like, I'm going to

answer.

It's got to be like, it's all in there.

Well, just like twists up on there.

So of course, um, if you guys do any type of like podcast, you know, that as soon as you

get going and you maybe you're going to talk about something that could be in front of

you.

I'm going to get kind of weird, but that's why we have backup mics.

Satan.

Um, but hey, but like I said, just a minute ago, the devil's not here to take your talents.

The devil's not here to like whatever the day, the devil's here just making busy and

distracted and realistically like that could have been a distraction and get away from

like the topic.

He's going to get used to breaking stuff that you break everything like I do.

You're just like, if something goes wrong, you're like, hey, it's probably me.

Let's figure this out and own it.

Um, here, yeah, you're right.

He's not nice, but a lot of times we do this ourselves and he doubles down on what

we're already doing.

So I think, you know, in maturity or wherever you're at, sometimes if you take on too much

for too long and that's a problem too, you just have to have a break with a buddy and

be able to have a good, safe time and just chill.

And then your next step because you've been unhealthy is to go sit with the Lord and

then it's to go sit with a mentor that can give you some perspective.

I'll tell you the crisis of our time is like, look at the amount.

So we have more of our fingertips than ever, but we're all overloaded.

And so you said it a minute ago that we said this and this and why is it so many things?

Like why are we grabbing and anxious and invested in so many different things?

Like when did we quit because culture influences that when did we quit going?

No, this is my life.

This is my career.

These are my kids.

This is what I want my household to run like.

Like actually sit with somebody and figure that out and drive with clarity towards those

things versus doing like our kids are private schools the worst.

Like for most people, our kids don't do most of it, but I ask anybody to hang out and

they're like, we've got sports 52 times this week and I'm like, I'm not that stupid.

Yeah.

And I think that's something that we set up in our household too was like, we're going

to do one activity at a time.

Like each of our kids can do one activity.

But you know what it tells me though, right?

Yeah.

But like think about the man saying it.

So ask a guy like he needs something and we need time to sit down and he's like, I can't

because my daughters doing this these five days, then we travel here and my son's doing

this.

So we're dividing over here.

My daughters do it.

My other daughter's doing this.

Like why?

You're living for your kids are running everything because you're trying to create a somehow

life for them by letting them do whatever.

And then you're just responding to it like your whole schedule is dictated by what everybody

else is doing.

And it's just we're grabbing too many different things.

Right.

And I think also, yeah, we get busy and we just grab the things and then because we're so

busy, we react with like holy crap, I've got to grip the wheel tighter, I had a grip

the wheel and I got a white knuckle, everything.

Try to stay in control when it's like, it was never our life to control anyways.

Like I don't want to like sound facetious here, but like there's never our life to control.

Like if anything, like we just need to be like the guy in the boat just rolling and like

let the water, let the current take us to where it's going to go and stuff.

But why do you say we have in this Brian, we were getting into this before with things

mounted up.

Why do you think most men, it could be women too.

Why do you think so many of us deal with control in so many different areas?

Well, here we are a week after week on the get cancelled podcast.

We like to record every single week and talk about all the things that nobody else wants

to talk about.

You can find us on iTunes, Spotify, I Heart Radio and you can also see our faces and

Killens Beard on YouTube.

If you would like to check it out there, we appreciate all the reviews.

We appreciate all the shares.

All you have to do is go to the top right hand corner, you're going to see three dots

click them and it'll let you copy a link and share it to your social media.

We're really appreciated and we're getting so many messages that come through either

by text or email or even on Facebook in the messages where people are recounting maybe

something they heard that they liked or it helped them with something or maybe it kind

of spoke to a challenge that they were having and we really appreciate you guys sharing

because I can tell you first and foremost, Stephen today, some of the conversations are

going to come from a place of like, man, this is really, really difficult.

I don't feel like I'm living up to the influence that I have or I, man, it's so hard to live

in a world to where people look to you to be a certain thing or a certain way, you know,

it's like this story they've read or and then all of a sudden you trip or you fall or

you do something you're not supposed to or you say something you're not supposed to

and it's like this immediate wave of like shame that comes on you and it's like everybody

messes up.

But for some reason when you're in a position of people looking at you a certain way,

it's almost impossible to outrun like the shame and guilt of accidentally or even just

slipping and falling and making it, you know, making it count maybe you do a big one.

And to answer your question, killing control for me, I think when I think about control

because you hear the world tell us about controlling people right or manipulative people.

When I start to think about control, I wonder if control is not this response to like a

loss of security, you know, I think of when someone is a controlling person, they approach

everything in their life with the need to kind of massage it, handle it, manage it.

But I think everyone, even the personalities that aren't controlling have the ability to

when you lose some type of footing or security to try to grab onto something.

And when we start to speak in the non-physical, so if it's emotional or if it's something

going on in our lives, it's not like a physical thing.

That's what we're doing emotionally.

We're starting to trip, we're falling, we're sinking, we're drowning, we're whatever.

And you start to reach a picture, if you guys can picture, you know, like it's glory

that someone like jumps off of the building or gets thrown off, it's like, can you imagine

you're just reaching, right?

You're just reaching.

You're not going to get anything likely, but you're reaching.

And so when I think in my mind, when someone is feeling like an atailspin, I'll tell you,

I felt like an atailspin, I love and hate what we do here in this conversation that we

have every week because part of me loves to talk with people and loves to have conversations

about what's going on.

But the other part of me hates it because I don't like to shade the gray a lot anymore.

I don't like to, you know, throw, you know, throw a blanket over it.

Now you almost have to just like talk about it.

And I was telling you guys before we started a couple of days ago, I just sit for the rest

of this tattoo, like seven hours and there's only so much, you know, crap you can do in

seven hours while you're getting a tattoo, actually had a kids counseling call over Zoom

while getting it, which was pretty wild.

I'm greeting my children most of the time, like, you know, you're doing great.

But you sit there and the artist is generally the good ones anyway.

They're not paying attention to you.

You know, he has his earphones in because that's how he gets in the zone to do whatever

he does, you know, artists are weird.

And so you have all this time, I'm sitting here thinking over the last couple of weeks

we've been having this conversation and I've talked about me and I just really feel like,

and I don't understand it because I just make, I mess up so much, but I feel the Lord

like, for like almost three weeks, like kind of waking me up or keeping me from going

to sleep with this, like, press to pursue him and I'm like, I don't really want to.

Today I said seven cuss words, you know, when you recount what you've done during the

day, that would keep you from being able to kind of pursue him.

So it's like you're trying to talk yourself out of it, which is the enemy, you know, trying

to tell you, you know, you can't go talk to God.

Now you, you did these things today, you did that, you thought about this, you thought

about that.

So that's going on anytime we're justifying something to it, could also bear own selfishness.

Yeah.

That we don't want to do any more work, we don't want to give this to God, we're in that

emotion.

And so we go, you know what?

I don't need to give it to God because look at all the stuff I've done wrong.

It just keeps us from going, I'm going to get what I want, which is still control, right?

It is.

And I thought I'm sitting there thinking while he's doing this red cape here.

Man, it's been like two weeks since I've spent any real pursuit time because life just

got a little bit out of hand and I want to stop short of being a baby.

People have a lot going on, a lot of hard stuff going on.

But I think the enemy knows how to attack us differently, you know, some things are just

what they are and they suck people stuff happening to people.

But I also think the enemy's strat, he's a strategist in the way that he attacks us knowing

what can really get our attention.

He knows you.

You know, we talk about the psychic bull crap when people really are hearing from something.

They're hearing from demons because the enemy's real and he's had things and watch you your

whole life.

Yeah.

So he knows all about you.

He can set the trap.

Think about, think about not having his level of chest maneuvering, right?

You're not the enemy, but think about just with a spouse, when you live with somebody

for four or five years and how to push their buttons and you know that well enough to even

do that, right?

Think about, now think about what he's capable of simply because he knows you.

Well, you know, he's doing it to me for sure.

I've had a couple things over the last couple of weeks that just don't make logical sense.

And if everyone could just peel back the onion, even one layer or pull the curtain back

just a little bit, any normal logical person would go, ah, that's crazy.

But it still happens.

There's nothing you can do about it.

And about that time, I kind of just stopped that pursuit for the last couple of weeks and

I'm sitting there finishing this tattoo thinking, man, outside the surface level, you know,

God is great.

God is good.

Thank you for this food type of prayer.

I haven't really had any.

And it's like this.

Yeah, I don't know.

It's like is the light off is it's a weird like, you don't even feel like you want to.

And then that you're laying in bed in that whole like I've done too much sinning today

to be to be praying takes over.

Whereas before you kind of fight that because I don't know that we do many days on our

lives without at least a little bit of sin in our lives.

I was just talking to people downstairs, sin has so many different looks.

Not all of it is really nasty and embarrassing.

Now in the closer you get to God, the more you're like, man, I just in transparently, if

you look at your actions and your thoughts, you're like, I suck.

I'll tell you this though, Brian, yeah, because you're drawing close to a whole lot, but

I want to we don't glorify the enemy, but listen, he knows you.

The other thing I'll say again is psychics that hear from things they're hearing from demons.

It's demonic for any of you playing with any of that stuff.

Stop playing with your life.

It's your life and you're valuable.

But the other thing that I'll say is what do we know about the enemy?

He's the great deceiver, right?

What does he want to keep us away from in our trials and the seasons that we can't when

the disciples are on the boat?

What brings peace?

The name of Jesus?

Jesus.

When Jesus walks to the boat, what brings peace to the swarm of Jesus, right?

In the middle of a storm, peace outside of a worldly condition is found in the Lord.

And so what the enemy wants to do, like you said, I don't even feel like it, and these

things are happening.

His number one mo is to keep you away from peace, from the Lord to keep you away.

Because you can't bring peace into that situation, sometimes because the wound's so big

from the past with whatever's triggering you, you don't know how to work through your

own emotions.

You need to be close to the Father.

And that's the answer.

I want to share this, Brian.

So, and I'm going to share it.

I've got a buddy, so he runs the band pillar.

He's a local pastor now, traveled the whole world, but he's my buddy.

He's the guy that I, like, told me at one point, quits the band, his obedient to gods and

this little be church, and he's like, I need to get my butt up.

He's 10 years older than me, too.

This is years ago, out of bed and start working out.

So I've, like, stirring, like a cup, and fat, you've seen my mannerisms and my cleanness

in the kitchen, right?

So it's like five o'clock.

I'm barely awake.

I just dump some pre-work out and water in the cup and stirring it with my finger and

knocking on his front door.

I'm, like, drink this.

If you've ever been in a room with, like, just a tornado of a human in the kitchen, and

they're small, that's not Kellen.

It's a tornado that's actually large and, like, breaks things.

We're just getting stuff there, right?

So he's had all this life experience, but he's just my friend, and I've watched him come

and speaking to men's lives and watched him raise his family and raise my family with

him and we've gone back and forth.

We've just really done battle and life together and all the hard stuff.

He came and talked last night to our guys, and here was the key thing.

He said, he had a conversation about fear.

He said, it's the kind that quietly sits on the throne of a man's life and keeps him from

living smaller than God designed to live.

Then he broke it down and you said one of these, Brian, three things and the life of men

that, like, a 10 church or in the body of Christ, they're fearful of, fear of failure, fear

of not providing, fear of losing respect.

And so when you talk about this thing that has its hooks in, especially in the work world

and the corporal of so vicious, is, man, if I start dealing with this thing, all these

people are going to look at me differently, right?

Well, and it's kind of what I was talking earlier, you know, you have, I mean, we're just

regular people, right?

But we're having a conversation about image and stuff.

In the way I look at it, is a lot of times I feel like what sucks if I'm being honest

because this has happened to me recently in it.

It honestly bothered me and it shouldn't, but someone would say, man, I can't really believe

you did that.

On your podcast and you're talking about this and that, and I'm like, yeah, we aren't

better than you.

We aren't better than you listeners, we're not better than you, we fail a lot.

And I think people need to know that.

Hold on.

I want to see the back.

But yeah, keep going.

Well, it's like a spotlight on you, right?

And I start to think, you know, one of the blessings of maybe trying to take a bold

approach or feeling like you should has like this curse, too, to wear it.

And this is why I think I have a lot of reverence for pastors outside of just the normal,

like they have a really hard job is, you know, that most of the people sitting out there

in the pews expect that person to be moderately sinless standing up there.

And it's because we have this weird look, it's a pastor, he must not be doing anything

and it's like that guy or girl is probably under more spiritual attack than anyone in

here just due to the acceptance of their call to do what they're doing, especially if

they're in alignment with God at all.

I mean, they're, they're going to be getting attacked and, you know, in that moment where

I'm having this conversation the other day, I was like, yeah, and you know, because I

shoot my mouth off all the time, because I truly care and want people to experience something

I have, I feel like that I'm constantly getting faced with opportunities to be an idiot.

You know, and I'm like, then the competitive side wants to take over and I want to start

doing the math on it.

And I'm like, I bet I don't fail as much as you do.

You know, the flesh is like, yeah, I do mess up some, but what are you talking about?

I bet I fight off way more bullshit than you do.

And that's that competitive flesh, which isn't what God wants either, because I think

when, when we hear the enemy talking to us, which is who that was, it was the enemy talking

through someone else, that person's not the enemy.

You know what I mean?

The enemy is now giving that person an excuse for all the things they're doing in my name.

They're able to just look at me.

And instead of facing their own issues, they get to call me a hypocrite kind of, but

it's, it ties back to fear, right?

It still ties back to the fear of lose respect.

So the opportunity that's missed from the influence is oftentimes when somebody's mouthing

off like that, what even in every relationship you have to when something pulls out a lot

of emotion, we've talked about this in the past, it's usually shining a light inward

on you on something that you don't like about yourself.

And so you cast that light on somebody else and get angry or distance yourself or whatever

that is.

But back to it, I mean, what do we, you know, where this started was the answer is not

isolating.

The answer is not moving away from God, not talking to anybody.

The answer is not dwelling and grabbing more stuff, right?

To fix and just drowning.

It's not the answer, guys.

And so Brian, you asked at the beginning what I wish more guys would do, myself included

because I started this off by talking about having a panic attack because I didn't do

what I was told to do, right?

I wouldn't take time away.

I wouldn't rest.

I've had to have multiple conversations with some incredible leaders lately too and ask

them just to man, take a break, like incredible guys, but you set with them and you know that

this one thing's going on, right?

You're set with a guy and you realize, Brian or Thad that, that hey, they're dealing with

this, but you spend a couple hours and be like, so you're dealing with these 52 things,

all at once and 50 of them, you can't control like they're happening to you, like bro, take

a break, like go take care of yourself, you know, get away the way you need to.

Go do something fun, go sit with a mentor, go sit with a counselor.

I think, I think dads get in a cycle and I know I'm guilty of it.

I'm going to raise my hand and say this is me 100%.

We're getting the cycle of like, oh, we got to be there for our kids, we got to do this,

whatever.

And we like don't have hobbies.

And moms do it too.

I'm not going to say moms don't do it because my wife's probably guilty of it as well.

Of like, you know, not making time for the friend, not making time for the, you know, the

lifelong friend that has been in her life for 25 years or whatever.

But like it's, it's so wrapped up in like, oh, we got to get home, we got to make dinner,

we got to get the kids in bed.

And then by the time that you get the kids in bed, like last time I walked out of my

son's room, this is my own fault too, fell asleep because his room is cold and dark and

sound machines on.

I think kids like, I think kids have met some kind of like chemical into their business.

Like I'd never wanted to fall asleep early if I chill with either one of my kids still.

I'm like, why am I so tired?

Yeah.

And so, but it's, it's a situation of like, by the time I got out of his room, it was

like 915.

I'm like, what do you go do at 915?

Like, in Broken Arrow.

Like what do you go do?

Like, I think 915, I think there's a couple problems, right there.

I think the first problem is that there's a lack and so we start to desire the fun of

the hobbies that we're not having because we didn't plan them out.

You're not single anymore.

And now you have kids, so you're your adult man, you're supposed to run your life, not

let it run you.

But we all end up letting life run us sometimes and it feels icky.

Like it, it's the ick, right, of life is that like you look up and be like, oh my week

ran me.

I didn't do anything I wanted, I didn't accomplish the things that I would have accomplished.

That's why we got to have a plan.

But the other problem is for men, dude, I talked to so many guys, we have to have guys

in front of us.

I had a guy that wanted to get in shape and he like broke down and called me a lunch

one day.

I won't never forget this conversation because it was five minutes long and he's spiraling

out and I'm like, bro, your kid's six months old and both of mine were over four at the

time.

And it's hard.

It's hard when they.

Well, I was like, but what does that mean for life?

You're a dad of a newborn.

So what are dads of newborns do?

And so we just talked and I said, so could we view it this way?

Could we produce?

That's great.

So he immediately let go of five things that had no business in his life and that season

of life and did them.

But to your point, I've had that conversation a lot is the reason that we don't have hobbies

and we don't have fun is because we're not like we can't live an abundant selfish life

anymore.

And we used to do all those things on a whim whenever we wanted to.

Now we have to plan them.

Well, and the thing is like, I will challenge our listeners, put something in your phone,

put it in your phone, put the reminder, need to reach out to this person to see if we

can get on their calendar for next week.

Whether it be dinner, whether it be, grab a drink, whether it be go-hate golf balls at

the golf course, like, well, I'd start by writing down what do you like to do?

You need to go do and get out of your house, get out of your mundane routine of like,

oh, I go to work, I sell insurance, go home, I cook dinner, I wash my clothes, I go to

wash the dishes, we made the kids, we put them in bed, we sit down and watch night

agent.

Well, I'll tell you.

So, Brian, watch night agent.

Great show.

Season three, it's out.

It's sick.

That's what you do.

That's what you do.

That's what you do.

That's what I did.

You lived through somebody else's.

I sat on the couch and said, I will never be as cool as him because he is from around

Thailand.

So, Thailand.

But to the point, let's go back to Vegas, right?

We went to Vegas.

Yeah.

We planned it.

Well, we got some work stuff done while we were there, but like we had fun with people,

you went back and we talked about, hey, there's this thing called like life and producing and

making sure that there's resource for our family.

You need somebody in life that understands that.

It's ahead of you.

You're going to have kids and be married.

You need a mentor there.

You need to have some safe friends to have fun with.

You've got to have fun sometimes.

Well, to your point on that, you, I won't get too far into this, but on Kellen's

birthday, you could just feel, you know, you had had a pretty hard week or two, you know,

leading up to that day and not that we couldn't enjoy ourselves or whatever, but you could

just tell you had been carrying, you know, weight.

And it's like when you have, I mean, safe friends, you know what also comes along with

safe friends, especially when you're living in a world where everybody's so different.

It's diverse at times.

And I don't know how wrong or right that is, but I know that a lot of times there's going

to be a diverse crowd around and you're doing your best, but on a time where you're having

a lot of weight, you know, we kind of let loose a little bit and have a good time, but

you, you know, you're in a familiar place, you know, when you can do it, but even that

night that, you know, you and I let loose a little bit, by the way, that Kellen was kind

of tossing me around like a ragged all a little bit, but you want to know why it's because

I lost like 40 pounds in four months.

That's the thing.

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby.

We dropped her down.

That was a huge weight.

And he knew it.

He knew it too.

I mean, he felt it.

He was like, man, he's the powers there.

There's just no weight to this exactly what I said out loud for the world to hear.

I beat like six people in pool because Brian couldn't play pool.

He's like, we're going to wrestle and grasp and then I was like, you're just coming off

the ground now.

But I, you think of like heavy moments and I think about those times, but even in those

moments, I worry like we're trying to have a good time.

You always worry about that, that voice that's like, but you guys are supposed to be perfect.

You're not supposed to ever mess up.

You're not supposed to.

It's like, you know, that's not God saying that.

Otherwise, he wouldn't put his son on the cross.

I think he knew what we were capable of.

But what is wrong with people to think that just because you really, really want people

to hear some good news.

You really want people to be able to experience what you have that you don't also experience

what they do.

It's the same thing.

But if you don't put yourself where people are, how are you going to reach them if you're

called to reach them?

I've got a good example of that that people would have thought was whack a mole.

They know me well enough, but I call this a guard night, and I didn't put these standards

on it.

I didn't think too.

I got a lot of guys that I knew through different places, but a lot through ministry.

And dude, there's like 12 bottles of scotch that come through my front door, right?

And we're all sitting back there.

I'm like, was this a smart idea?

And I kind of, at that point, said, hey, we can have you guys can have a finger if you're

going to have a drink and actually enjoy it.

We're not drinking.

Like, if you're pairing it, that's fine.

So we do it.

And a guy goes back in, right?

Nothing got out of hand, nor would I let it.

But the point being was like, when something's happening like that, or we're in an environment

with just a ton of people around, Brian, we went to a pool hall, and there's people from

all weight-shaped sizes, ethnicities, beliefs, both sides of the political party, all over

this place.

That's fine.

We're just out in the world.

And so the world had come to my house.

The super religious thing to do would be like, no, if we're going to talk about God, nobody's

having a drink.

And nothing would have come up.

Well, about two weeks later, I walked in, I was like, hey, man, we were talking about

just having, you know, half a shot of scotch and a glass.

If you guys are going to have one with your cigar, you needed to come back inside.

Are you doing okay?

And then he came to me and started talking about, hey, I've started having like a drink

three or four times a week, and I'm worried about myself.

I would have never got to have a two-hour conversation with somebody that I care a ton

about.

It has a family.

If things weren't just happening like they happen.

Right.

Right.

And, you know what, this is what sucks about religion, why it tears everything down.

And this is what sucks about people just being in shame about the action.

You know that dude's problem wasn't the alcohol, right?

When we started sitting down and talking about, it's tied to something else.

Yeah.

And so we got to the root of what's going on through freaking his parents, through how he

feels about being a dad, through having another foster, like it was a lot.

Prayed all the way through it.

And you know, the crazy thing, once he worked through what was really going on, he didn't

even want to drink during the week anymore.

If we would just let people be who they are, and then be sincere and have enough equity

with people to say, hey, I noticed this chain, are you, are you okay?

Not call them out of that.

Just ask them generally if they're okay and spend some freaking time with them.

You'll start to help people live bolder, better lives.

I think people getting this mindset too, that when someone is talking to them about something

they've done, instead of just steering into the humility side, where it's just like, yeah,

I have messed up quite a bit and I'm probably going to continue to do that, because I'm

not no different than you.

Instead of just going that route, they try to defend what they did, you know, almost

like, what wasn't really as wrong as you think?

I noticed that happened recently and I'm like, I think that I just find it to be easier

just to tell people, yeah, I kind of didn't know you didn't expect me to mess up on a

regular basis.

Yeah, you know, I do.

In fact, probably more than you even know about it, but it can get you down, and I did

with me.

I mean, I've been for a couple of weeks.

Other things contribute to it, for sure, it's not just a singular thing, but you start

to really just stir around in it and wonder, like, Lord, why, sometimes I think some of

these are easy ones.

I'm like, dude, can we not do, I mean, can we just get rid of some of the easy little

peck stuff?

Like, why are we doing all this?

And I still don't understand that.

I had a conversation actually yesterday in therapy with the lady that knows Tara.

She's going over this, the TJ test, my gosh.

I never had how to explain the way that she explained it and what it could detect was actually

really unbelievable to me because I don't know about you guys, but when you take those

tests, you ever kind of try to beat it, like, if you've ever done a personality test and

you're like trying every time, yeah, ultra competitive, you know what I like about that?

Try to beat the personality test and you can't even, you can't even beat it because it's

a test.

A good test is going to, they write it to the fact that if you're trying to beat something,

just still tell you everything about yourself.

But it's still kind of detected why, I mean, why I would do something like that.

And I'm sitting there talking to her about it and we're having that conversation about

like, why in the world are we all going through all this stuff?

I just don't understand that.

And I think I get that question more than anything.

And I mean, I wish we had an answer for that for people like, why are we going through

the things we're going through?

Why are people the way they are when they don't need to be, when they don't need to be

a lot of brokenness in the bro, bro.

And it's like reactions and responses, right?

I guess, you know, people are, they don't really see it.

I mean, if you were to line up 10 cases to where someone's done or said or caused destruction,

I feel like a lot of the times as I think about them because I've got a few in my mind

for sure.

But if you were to present the hard facts to that person, you're still wrong.

They don't see it.

Not ready.

They're defending or they've taken their emotions and convinced themselves or justified their

actions.

And so they are theoretically in their own minds, right?

Because they, they decided.

And I always just tell my mom, because she said, well, I can't believe people do this.

I can't believe people do that.

And I'm like, well, mom, if people don't believe what you believe, then they don't really

think they're doing anything wrong.

That's a very true statement.

And that's the end of the conversation.

Oh, that's real.

That's real life.

That's why we can't force the truth or our opinion on anybody.

And the detriment there too, right, is just like you said.

So if somebody's in several environments and they're causing other people emotional distress

or pain, they're a problem, right?

So as a leader in an organization, you would have to address that.

Right.

In a family dynamic, you have to address that.

However, for that person, when you're helping that person, what's going on with the

actions?

Again, we've already learned, right?

That's not the real problem.

And so if you address the actions and they deny whatever it is, they're dealing with

a significant stronghold, some kind of spiritual attack.

But a lot of it comes from life, right, comes from the family bloodline, or it comes from

something that's happened to them, or that they didn't get.

There's a lot of kinds of trauma.

And some of it's that we didn't get the things from our parents that we needed.

And guess what, one of our adults walking through the same frame, it shows back up.

And I think that one of the hardest things, not just that conversation, but for us, is

like knowing, and we start out with this too, like you know what you should do next, not

emotionally being able to get there, and not knowing why, that like I know that I should

do this next right thing, but I can't do it, right?

And that's because there's some work to do.

I know it's hard for me, because you mentioned, good for YouTube, by the way, go in and

walk in through the things you need to walk through with somebody that's specialized in

that.

You know how many people never go, like they know that that's available, and they

know it's the answer, and they won't go do it.

They just stay stuck.

That's the hardest thing for me to see is, like there are so many resources for anything

you're dealing with.

If you ask the right people, and make a plan and go sit with these people that are specialized

just in that thing.

You know from mom, trauma for dad, loneliness, abandonment, abuse, career development, anything

that you want, but so many people, rather than going and being exposed or walking back

through something that was painful, they just keep sitting in the mess that they're in

now.

They keep replaying the same thing over and over again.

Well you, I think we do the same thing, like I was doing the last, when I was saying I

wasn't able to like get back into a routine, because I mean I think this is going to be

kind of a real thing too by the way, hopefully I don't get struck by lightning.

But I feel like if it's a routine thing, it doesn't have a lot of you know push to it,

which is probably wrong.

I think if you're, the Lord can do anything with whatever he wants to do anything with,

but for me, like if I don't feel that like push to pursue, I just ride it off in general,

you know, I'm like this is a waste of time, I don't want to do it or I don't feel like

doing it.

And I think where I had to get was to start to really think about, I really want to have

that pursuit feeling, but I'm wrestling lately with like, there's just some things not going

the way I want.

Yeah.

That's the real thing though.

You just said the real thing.

So what do you do?

It's just not going the way you want.

Yeah, things aren't going the way you want.

I think that's where we started is the first step is quit masking, quit not doing this

or keep the other fake routine that's slightly detrimental, but not completely detrimental

in your life.

And you've got to admit that things aren't going the way you want.

Right.

And you've got to really work that out and what does that mean and how does that make

you feel and why and what's that rooted in the second that we get to something that

we can't handle, we're adults, like we have people watching us, we have gifts and talents

to use, we have people to help raising kids.

Our life is too valuable to not go sit with the right dad gum people in our life that's

available and go get the help we don't have.

You can't answer things you don't know the answer to.

So you got to go have the mentors and have the conversations.

This last week and this is way easy.

I have a really complex situation come up because of why I was so happy at my birthday.

The hospital visits, the stuff and there's something I can't answer.

And then because of the thing I can't answer and people trying to help, there's a couple

of situations I have to handle well because things happen and hurt other people like

your son, but guess who gets to have the conversation.

So I made a phone call and I'm like, hey, when you talk about pastors, I'm like, I've

got some of my life that's had to deal with these situations for a decade and they're

not fun and you have to be the leader and you have to make the phone call, but I'm not

going to do this on my freaking own.

I'm not going to make a call that's that important without getting some wisdom and some advice

and I have the benefit of doing it from somebody that hasn't been at that hospital with me.

You know how great it is to be on the outside of all that trauma and all that emotion.

My decisions are still tied to that whole mess.

And so he's outside of all that stuff, able to give me wise counsel, able to pray with

me, able to tell me I don't have to do this in two seconds.

And here's how the conversations went that didn't work well when you're young and here's

how you matured and learned how to frame these conversations.

And I think that came from you taking the breath, taking the five extra seconds to wipe

your feet and go, I need to, I need other help here that I can't provide and I can't

dive headfirst into it or I will hurt the relationship with this person.

I will hurt whatever with this person.

I will hurt our working relationship however that looks like you and I think I'd say wipe

your feet because Brian knows this but I used to watch a lot of wrestling like Brian did

when the Hulk and the rock and all those like the heroes were when it was awesome when

the heroes weren't it, not when the zeros were like, and they, and they, if you watch wrestling

at all and you watch the intros and whatever, a lot of these wrestlers get to the side of

the ring and they wipe their feet before they walk into the ring and some say it's like

a sign of respect, some say it's like for staff infection and that's not here or there.

But for me, that's a body posture that I've tried to take this year is like wipe your feet

before you go headfirst into stuff.

So you have the extra four seconds to like think or more to have the extra, you know,

I mean, to have mentally to have the second of like, okay, this is what I'm doing right

now.

We're about to go do it like I can immerse myself into this rather than being like, I'm

going to immerse myself in like it's going to go poorly because I'm going to bang over

here and hit over here and do this and all that stuff whenever and I'm going to fix it.

Yeah, I'm going to go fix the problems, but when you, when you, yeah, just feel

spite and emotion and and piss and Celsius, I'm going to go fix all my problems.

But they they wipe the feet and they walk in and it's a little bit more composed.

I'm like, man, that's kind of been, that was like my word phrase of the year was like

wipe your feet before you dive in stuff.

So.

And as you mature too with kids, wife, anything in business as you climb the ladder or if

you run a business, you know, you have to do that unless you want stuff to just run

really poorly because if you go with emotion, you fix things right then because you want

to, so you don't have to deal with them later.

So that you don't have to deal with them later, you don't handle them right.

You don't reflect, you don't seek wise counsel, you don't give the person the time and

the wisdom that they really deserve in it because you're not caring for them, you're caring

for yourself.

But when it comes back to the fact that you haven't cared for yourself for too long,

Brian.

And that's really where you haven't cared for yourself for too long.

You've got to get realigned.

You've got to get away from all the nonsense, all the routine, all the jackassery side

stuff.

That's what we all get in.

We all run to something.

That can be Netflix for eight hours.

When you start doing that stuff again to just numb yourself and get away, you're not

okay.

Like view yourself like a car.

Check engine light as you get older is always on.

That was the joke from last night, by the way.

But when the whole dashboards lit up, like you've got to go sit and get some maintenance

with the Lord.

And what's amazing is guys, we run our lives.

We have the ability to just take a day off and go out in the woods or go get on a boat

or whatever.

We're in the United States.

Brian, you and I went to Brazil.

What people don't realize is at our fingertips, we can go do things right now anywhere in

this country.

They can't do another country.

And we have the resource to do it.

So go take care of yourself.

When you're kind of a giver or when you enjoy trying to help people or if you kind of

have a glue type mentality where you're kind of known for gluing things back together,

holding things together.

You're still prone to continuing to do what you feel like you're an impactful or effective

at.

But when you're at, you know, you're scraping the bottom or you're feeling lots of shame

or guilt, you're doing that.

But what it's actually doing now instead of, because a lot of times if you're doing

okay, you're feeling lined up, when you're doing that, it's almost fulfillment for you.

You're not getting tired from it.

You're actually getting more inspired or more filled up from the effort.

But when you're down and you're scraping at the bottom, you're guilty, living in shame,

you're still wanting to do it because you truly do have a heart and a passion to do

it.

But it's actually draining you further because it's coming out of obligation now.

It's more scripted, you know, exactly what to say, when and how, versus it being kind

of more of a lead thing.

Now you can put a mask on, you know, because you're just, you're performing again, and

you know what we have to admit, right, is when it gets to that point, you know, what's

an axe for?

Like if you, if you have an axe, okay, what do you do with an axe?

It's for hacking big chunks off.

It's for cutting down big trees.

It's for cutting big things.

Yeah, that's what it's for.

It has a purpose.

And so no matter what our gifts from talents are, therefore a purpose, how well do you cut

the tree down when the blade's dull?

Not well.

And so it's, but also in another picture, how well do you, you know, whittle the stick

with an axe?

Yeah, you can't do the wrong job, but Brian's talking about masking the right talent.

Yeah.

And so it is the talent that he has is to produce and give.

But again, when it's when it's dull, like you have to go sit and get sharpened and you

know what you do.

When you sit and get sharpened, you know what the axe does, why it's getting sharpened?

Nothing.

Yeah.

Nothing.

And that's hard for me.

It is difficult because that's so hard to do nothing.

It's, it's repetitious for you almost.

It's like the opportunities are always there.

They're everywhere.

And so it's hard to shut off and not take them.

You know, it's almost like not hitting a pitch right down the middle.

It's like, I know what to do.

I know what to say.

But the problem is is that when you're doing it in those times or where you're just out

of sync, it just drains you more than it helps you.

Well, that's a culture problem.

Remember, we, so we got to go to Brazil, but in some other parts of the country too, to

travel, you'll hear everybody say it at once.

The phone, when it doesn't get any service, about three or four hours in there, they go,

this is fantastic because they quit checking the phone.

None of the calls come through like we need to do that.

That's self care.

That for ourselves, text anybody that matters, call, schedule and say, I'm not available

for the next eight hours, can't get ahold of me.

I think it's important for people to hear too that, you know, I mean, at least I'm willing

to say it.

I don't know about other people.

I've met some people in my life where I feel like that they're so sick with self-righteousness

that it's almost worse than my hypocrisy, if that makes sense.

You know what I mean?

They think they're so fine at everything and that they're doing so great with just insecurity.

And it just, it just smells so much of like self-righteous.

I almost think, Lord, I do kind of suck, but I'd almost rather really suck than to be

like you who doesn't realize how bad you suck.

Well, you're hiding it.

And again, anybody that boasts any of that crap, if I need you to see that I'm good right

here, it's because I'm insecure here.

It's not real.

That's why when you get around people that don't deal with insecurity or that are very vulnerable,

everybody responds to it because it disrupts the room because they're actually free.

You know, last night we served up the guys in Rob's talking about fear and he said, I can't

put my finger on it, but there's a time when I watch my kids, he has six kids, all of them

wrestle.

His daughter is one of the best wrestlers in the country two years and a row right now.

And he's like, but it's different times for both of them.

They'll go out there on the wrestle mat and Brian, you know how you like shoot, but you

turn your head and your shoulder like this because you're scared.

He's like, there's a time for the different wrestling.

You can see it where the other wrestler is wrestling and they're fluid and everything

shook out.

Nothing's tight and they're going for anything that they want to accomplish in that match

because they're free.

Fear doesn't have a spot on the mat with them anymore.

We've done it enough.

They stepped into it enough that they're living a free life.

What we're talking about with people's hookups and hangups is, and that's when we become

free and our value and identity come from work, that's their problems.

They're still not able to ring their arms out and live boldly the way they're supposed

to live without putting on this front specifically here or giving specifically here because that's

attached to their identity.

I think something important we want to hear people to hear us saying is that you're going

to get in the mud sometimes, you're going to be in the weed sometimes.

In fact, I would wonder if you never are that you really are, you're just kind of acting

like you're not.

I can say for sure the last couple of weeks I've kind of been in it.

I've verbalized it a couple of times out loud.

I can't really define it and maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe that's a show of weakness to people that are looking to me for something different

and it's definitely an opportunity for people who are moderately my opposition to make

sure everyone knows that I suck or that I'm fake or that I'm whatever, which I hate

that too, but it's, I think it's better to try to talk about it than to hide it.

I almost feel like when you're hiding it or acting like it's not there that you can come

across with like either a lot of resentment or that you don't care.

You know, and ultimately that's not my heart position.

I mean, even though when I'm stressed or mad or heavy with guilt or shame, I still

care.

And so I think men specifically, we kind of always say this.

I mean, what we're talking about on here usually is for everybody.

I just don't pretend to know sometimes how a female perspective is going to hear some

of the things we talk about because we've talked about too is female emotions, their emotional

IQ is generally much higher than men's.

Yeah, females are making it all the way to their brain.

And a lot of times what may work for us and may point us isn't something that resonates

with them as much.

But I think what I would want men to hear is, which is important because men are isolators

by nature for the most part.

And we once things get too heavy or too weird and we don't feel like we can control it

because we're so used to powering through or fixing it or picking it up or moving it.

And that just that masculinity piece where it's like you can picture a guy lifting weights.

It's like our job to pick up heavy things.

It's our job to move it.

When we get to these emotional things or these places where it's really heavy, you don't get

to do that.

No.

Physical strength has absolutely no effect on the emotional or spiritual place that you're

at.

And you need to kind of figure out how to verbalize that because the water gets deep and everybody

can tread water for like a little bit different times.

And, you know, if you're not doing great, if you're not spending time where you need to,

if you're way out of alignment, you're not going to be able to tread water very long

before you kind of start to go wander.

No.

And the point of talking about, you know, I was in a hospital with some people, there was

some crazy stuff happening, what a month ago, three weeks ago.

And then I got some stomach flu and then I got COVID and it's been a season.

And then I've got four or five other guys going through some really hard things at home.

And I'm the guy, like now that I'm healthy, I'm the guy they've reached out to for some

answers, right?

Those are important conversations.

But the point of it, Brian, no matter what's happening or where we're positioned or what

titles we have or what calling we have, we're all going to go through seasons that are

storms.

And what I want everybody to know is that if you're going through some incredibly heavy,

some have rocked you, people did things to you now or in the past and it's come back

up.

You're not alone.

People are going through it too.

These silly pastors talking about the prosperity, gospel or fake.

They don't know if they know scripture, shame on them, but they're so far from God with

the bull crap.

In this life, you will go through hard things.

And the Lord set apart from that to give you peace and rest and clarity and to love

you in the middle of a storm.

And his promise is that he's not leaving in that storm and you're going to come out with

a close relationship with him and you will come out stronger, but you've got to do it the

right way and you can't do it the right way by continuing to do what you're doing.

And you've got to have people in your life that love you enough when you start net flixing

or net flixing for eight hours or you like go out 52 times or whatever the thing is that

you're starting to do this.

That's because you're stressed out that they talk to you about it.

You have to put people in your life that love you enough that they're not too selfish.

Selfish people won't have hard conversations with you because it affects them.

Hard conversations are great if you're not in a safe place and you're not in a healthy

place.

People need to call you out and love you enough to say something.

Well, and I think what everyone needs to understand is even when you're feeling like

you're still in the bottom of it, you've got to find a way to reach up.

And I think I would ask other men, you know, when you, if you don't even see it or you

don't know, always be ready to reach down, you know, and try to, try to hook up there.

It's a weird place for men to know when they're hurting.

Like I said, I, I'll do a couple things.

I know I'm not supposed to do it and I'm doing it anyway and then I'm feeling out of alignment.

And then all of a sudden I feel like, oh my gosh, this is not even worth it.

Now everyone knows how bad I am and how much bad stuff I've done.

We've got to stop worrying about people's opinions kind of, I mean, it sucks when you

mess up because could it, could it give them reason maybe?

And you got to watch out for that.

You don't want to lead people astray on purpose at the same time you're not perfect.

Try to avoid opinions and go to that kind of more of a repentance prayer.

I think that it's a very, very important thing to be always kind of wondering what repentance

is and surrender.

Yeah, let me, let me help you with that, you know, first off, everybody's like, oh, I'm sorry.

Like if you're not, don't say it.

But repentance is not telling God you're sorry.

He's the God of the universe.

Repentance is before God telling him that you've watched Netflix.

I'll just use Netflix because easy like four days in a row or you went out on a bender.

And that doesn't glorify him and it didn't belong in your life.

And you want his help to turn away from it.

And that's repentance is you're bringing it into the light with the Lord and saying, I need to remove this from my life.

It's not getting on your face and saying, I'm sorry, which is way easier.

And I'll go back to Brian, like you said, in order to pour out and help other people, we need to be in a healthy state.

And I think, you know, we talked about friendship earlier, which is really important.

But like the whole house getting sick right, I think I dropped you an audio message earlier this week.

Very rarely are you not hollering and saying, how's the week going?

What's going on? How are you doing?

I'm dealing with this.

Or am I not audio dropping you and going, how are you really doing?

Like I know this stuff's still going on.

I know this because we talk every single week.

Like how are you really?

And you need to have friendships where that's just always an honest conversation.

Because that'll keep you from getting, you know, way, way deep and isolated.

And then the reaching down thing is it was said really cool last night.

Same topic, by the way, was man, men, some of you need time in the throne room with the Lord.

Other men don't know how to get there. They're so lost right now.

They need you to get healthy enough to be bold enough to go around by the hand and go sit with the Lord together.

And it's, it's, you know, the crazy part is is when you have done things you're not supposed to do.

That's real hard to do.

Yeah.

It's human nature to feel like you don't, you're not worthy to do it.

And I think most people in general are stuck in that not worthy mindset.

And that, that'll, that'll keep you from doing almost anything.

No, I'm sure you eat you.

It'll just eat you alive because what's the point?

If you feel like you're not worthy, yeah, what is the point?

And that's where we can go into this on plenty of other episodes.

That's where suicide and depression rates are going like this.

And men because it's what's the point?

I'm not worthy of this.

It's not worthy of this love.

I'm not worthy of this promotion.

I'm not worthy of whatever.

And if you're believing that, tell somebody, you know, what the thing is is here's the lies you'll hear from the enemy.

You're the only one going through this.

You can't tell me that's a lie.

You're not worthy.

That's a lie.

God said you're more valuable than everything he made.

Sly.

Nobody's going to miss me.

They'll be better off without me lie.

You have incredible impact and influence.

You're just sick right now.

And so you need somebody to walk with you.

It's a lie.

And then everybody needs a mick.

You know, Brian, you said it.

It brought me back to, I think, two or three podcasts episodes ago.

You're talking about journey and going through some really hard things and you couldn't write a letter.

It makes like, you know what?

It's time.

And he grabbed your hand and got on his face and said, get on your face with me.

Like getting a position you don't want to be in and just submit to the Lord.

I'll do it with you.

And be that kind of a man.

That's why your life's important, guys.

Is be that man for somebody else in a moment.

We go back and forth being that kind of a man.

That's a bold way to live.

It's not about the accolades, the titles, the money.

All that's going to rust and it's all frivolous.

And if you get all of it because you chased it and don't have anything else,

you're going to feel just helpless.

Yeah.

So live a fulfilling life.

Live it for other people.

Get healthy because other people need you and slow down and realize that you just need to get healthy.

And know that there's resources out there.

And don't listen to lies.

I'll tell you guys today as we're kind of wrapping up.

Understand too.

I mean, I can't speak for killing in that directly.

But I can't imagine that we're ever here ever talking through anything.

And it not be from like a place of our own selves.

Preaching to ourselves.

Reminding ourselves, you know, trying to bring ourselves back in.

Real ourselves in on different concepts and topics.

And in not every single time, maybe it's all three at the same time on the same thing.

But I think we all experienced from time to time when we're talking about something.

It's pretty easy to think.

Yeah, I've had some failure in that area.

I'm dealing with it.

I'm having to fight that area.

And I think it's good to talk about it then because then you can start to instead of hide it

and try to bury it around.

You can just start talking about, okay, we all deal with this.

How are we going to deal with it?

And don't go hide from it.

The problem, when you start to hide from it specifically,

it almost try to make it seem like it maybe not happening.

You know, because if you can bury it or hide it,

maybe it's not really there.

And to your point that night with Mick,

I kind of wanted to say something about that.

One is, you know, that's kind of the good and bad of a personality like mine.

That night I was definitely supposed to be performing.

I was definitely supposed to be raw-roying and praise the Lord.

And here's my letter of, it's called a sailboat story,

but here's my sailboat story of awesomeness and positivity and...

Mine wasn't.

In fact, it was so not that I didn't even write it.

And I think that, you know, sometimes I feel bad about this kind of version of my personality,

but that's where I was like, look, I'm not going to do that tonight.

My story sucks.

And recently, it sucks pretty bad.

And I didn't really want to write it down.

And so, I think it's important for you guys to know too.

It's vocalizing where you're at.

A pretty big deal, especially for men, you know,

knowing that we hide and isolate and do all that.

Men are just so bad about that.

We want you guys to know that reach out somewhere, somehow.

If you don't have anyone to reach out to,

you can definitely message us.

And we'll do our best to point you in the direction of something or someone that can listen.

And we would tell you, we're just never, ever going to be on here.

And I'm only saying this part because I had a couple people in the last couple of weeks

kind of make this little comment and it drives me crazy about,

well, you guys are on that podcast talking about this, that, and the other.

And I'm like, yeah, sucks to be us.

We're actually still living the same life you are with the same challenges,

the same temptations,

but we're also feel like it's impactful and effective to go share about it

and not really hide from it.

So yeah, it's a, it's almost a place of target.

You know, I mean, we're not getting persecuted by any means here.

I don't feel like we are.

I didn't even feel like those statements were really persecuting to me

as much as it was like someone needing an excuse to not face their own.

Yeah.

If you don't have to face your own, you can kind of just lob some,

some stones at me guilty.

They're not, he'd wear jeans today though.

I can't persecute him.

I got a couple more already.

You look super, you look super normal today.

Well, you know what's going on guys?

When we talked about the loss of weight, nothing.

Nothing.

Brother, nothing.

Nothing fits.

That is correct.

You know, things are weird when I leave jeans on Thad's desk to see if they fit him.

You're like just taller, you know what I mean?

You're wider.

The waist didn't fit.

Yeah.

I was like, holy crap.

You guys wear capris, though, where they don't have to come down.

Oh, these came all the way to the ankle.

I'm talking about his pants.

He shared them with you and your taller.

That's just proof that he doesn't want his ankles covered up.

We're all just so featherweight.

I'm like trying to go in the gym the other day.

And it's like a super heavy door in legacies like open in the door.

I'm like, Lord, man, this door feels like I'm just weak.

I have not hopped on that.

178.

But man, I don't know, dude.

I'm lifting.

I can still lift.

What were you on?

It's a heavy.

I just feel so much lighter than I ever have.

It feels weird.

I'm trying to put more weight back on.

I'm still lifting the weight.

My strength is there.

I just.

It was all that strength around that pool table.

It's not as much bricks.

I told you more.

But I told you I'm strong.

205.

205.

And I was too, almost 250.

Yeah.

That's pretty good, dude.

Congratulations on that.

Hey, baby.

Trying.

Well, with your running, that's got to be better for your knees, dude.

Like lighter on your knees.

I'll just tell you, I feel a lot better when I run.

I know you're smiling in your last picture running.

Dude, I had so much fun.

I had so much fun.

And my clothes fit so good.

Like, I can go back and look at those.

That was like five inches.

How leading that?

Wearing them five inches?

Dude, that's what compression shorts out there.

That's what we need to close on is that you brought that up too.

Like, you know, I know we've all gone through stuff in the last couple of months.

It's incredibly heavy that we can't do anything about.

It's just a part of life with where we're at.

But we're leading in what we're doing.

But don't forget to have a little fun.

Like make some go live still.

There's a life to live.

I love hearing that you're wearing compression shorts that I'm going to have to ask next time

when you post pictures of you and a pair of we call those spanks or whatever you want to call them.

I need you to put hashtag healing journey.

Because all the girls out there wearing those shorts out in public.

That's what they do there.

So I'm going to need you to hashtag that.

Oh, healing.

I only got five hashtags.

Also, by the way,

I kind of want to say to you.

And this is interesting to me.

If we're ever talking about something.

And it sounds like something that is about someone specific.

It's probably like about 11 people.

It's not about you.

It's probably about me.

It's probably about me.

Or about 15 other people that we know.

You know, I had someone think it was definitely about me in this and that.

And I'm like, maybe.

But maybe not.

You know, sometimes we make up scenarios.

Meaning it's not a lie.

But it's something we've seen before.

But it's not about like a specific thing yesterday.

It's so funny.

It's so funny when people do that.

I'm like, what are you guilty of?

They just people again being selfish about them.

A lot of times when we don't say people's names or I don't say we Brian doesn't say people's names.

It's because he changes the story and it is about some other person.

But it's nothing to do with you.

You would not catch on because everything was changed up.

Right.

Now I play healing journey on there for me.

Hashtag.

But I'll say healing journey of be myself.

Well, I'll tell you this.

When the Lord begins to work and he opens up an opportunity for you to prance around without any clothes on.

It's definitely a spiritual in healing journey.

I think that he's in the middle of that.

I think they have beaches for that.

He's in the middle of it.

If you ever get to that point, we'll come and tell you that you have problems.

We love you enough to tell you.

And we fight.

I did.

It's fine.

You could tell you whatever you want.

Can you imagine that trying to get like work his way through being locked up?

You know what's crazy to me?

Is that anything we really want to do or that our flesh wants to do?

We can bring God into any of that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, baby.

You know, he just opened up the doors.

Did he did that?

Okay.

But that's what we do because it makes us feel better.

It helps us justify actions.

I just I heard one recently where someone was doing something.

It is what it is.

I'm not saying to sin.

I'm just not saying that I don't know that God's like in that.

Like if if you're doing something you want to do, but it doesn't necessarily line up with what would be a spiritual thing.

I don't know that God aligned that for you.

You just worked hard.

Cool.

You worked hard.

And you accomplished a goal.

And here you are going to do what it is.

But I don't know that he's up in the whole like.

Lord, I can't even think of a great example.

But like in a situation where you're going to maybe be exposing most of yourself to a lot of people to show the progress you've made.

Somebody's like, Hey, I got this.

I got this brand new BMW.

Look what the Lord did.

And it's it's it's not a problem to get the BMW, right?

No.

Maybe you worked hard.

Maybe you did this.

But I don't know that and God was there doing that.

He allowed you to work hard.

He gave you talent ability.

But.

Well, we we off on the rabbit trail now.

We're just chasing it.

We just chase in the rabbits.

We have bunnies.

Just running in front of us.

We shouldn't.

Yeah.

It's late.

It's late on Friday.

I'm sick for a week and a half.

Hey, here's the deal.

We don't we don't use the God's name for for things that rust and decay away.

They don't actually bring in glory.

And we also shouldn't use the devil's name a lot and give him any glory.

And so if you're doing that, then you're kind of just out of place.

Well, and I think too if it causes people to lust or do different things or sin or be weird.

I don't know if that's really something he lined up.

But who am I?

I've been pretty bad lately.

So don't forget to to rate and review the podcast.

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And I guess we can call it a day.

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The cancel.

The cancel.

And yeah, don't forget.