'He left his wife for his own mother!'

This is a global player, original podcast.

Hello, fans.

Please note that this episode was recorded prior

to the recent conflict in the Middle East.

Be warned, it's Luana, and this podcast contains

honest up front opinions, rants, bants,

and general explicit content, but you know you love it.

Woo!

Hello, everyone.

Yeah, I know you look around a coast of the small town.

Cold, I've got this cozy little jumper.

Look at this little jumper.

It's like fair-eiled style, is that the word?

I don't know, it's from Oisho.

It's very nice.

I love it.

It's the Oisho.

It's Luana, the podcast.

It's a fresh-ass week, and we are very happy to be here.

Fresh-ass week.

Fresh-ass week.

Hello, if you're watching on YouTube,

please subscribe now, really helps us to help you

bring this podcast.

Like, eat out to help out.

Yeah, eat out.

Oh, remember the days.

Remember the days.

Oh, and obviously, if you're listening, please also follow us

on your favourite podcast platform.

Yeah, that would be lovely.

How's life?

Really good, actually.

Yeah, the Renault is coming on, guys.

I've quite a lot of people keep asking me

about the Renault updates.

I don't think they do.

I just think you say that, so that you can then plug it.

Talk about that.

I appreciate it.

No, there's quite a lot of traction.

A lot of thank you.

A lot of people, I would, I don't,

a lot of other people are doing Renault's,

and they sort of be in the same way.

Do you know what I would say?

Not like looking around your house more.

Properly, yeah.

Before you did it.

Yeah, I might not be able to fully appreciate it

when it's done.

Just imagine the most, like, decrepit house

that needed stuff doing to it,

and then we're almost close.

Well, I had been in the kitchen in the lounging.

It was, it was special.

I loved my little grandpa.

That red carpet will always stick with me.

Oh, that bloody red carpet.

A lot of people do message about that red carpet.

You should have framed a bit of red carpet.

I know.

Well, there's a tiny bit of red carpet left, actually,

that's just still yet to kind of get face-gip.

I was framed that.

I think I know.

Could it in a box frame?

I actually should, because that red carpet is everything

that just denotes the granny pad era.

But it is going well.

And no, people have been lost while the people are doing

reno's, and they're painstakingly doing it

at the same painstaking time that we're doing ours.

You've done reno-ing.

I just don't talk about it as much.

No, well, this reno has been going on a long, long,

last time.

I mean, I've moved country, reno-ed, reno-ing my house.

We've renoed about eight houses at the moment.

It's not a quantity-loathe from the quantity.

And this is me.

That is a very good quality.

Ha!

So all I'm saying is, I've just got plans for my new garden.

It's very cool.

Indubes.

Yeah, like striped pool.

I'm going with yellow striped pool.

Oh, yeah.

Do you want to see a picture?

Well, anyway, you've not been to my house.

I'm just going to finish talking about my reno-ing.

OK, go on.

It's very exciting.

And where we are, we've got, I've never been so excited

about plaster.

We've got all of our bathroom stops arrived.

We've now got decorators.

We've got all the underfloor heating in.

We're now looking at getting all the garden people in.

So it's the first time now, guys.

I can actually smell the smell, the fact

that we might be in this house very bloody soon.

One of them.

So very excited.

That's lovely, a little nice picture of a striped pool.

Who reminds me of the Nikki and Bournemouth?

That's got like a pool a bit like that.

It's really nice.

Ah, there.

Really nice.

So thank you, everyone, for your interest in it.

And I'm really excited to show it off to you

when we eventually get to move in.

So yeah, we're now on the ordering sofas, ordering beds.

Oh, that's fun, there's this.

Oh, I just never thought we'd get to this point.

So yeah, it is.

That's the fun.

It's taken my husband out, unfortunately.

The Lasso Stone Bath is nearly set my husband up.

Got a broken arm.

But you know what, it's fine.

It's all going to be worth it.

It's surviving.

Yeah, so I'm really excited and really happy about that.

When do you think you're going to move in?

I don't want to, I'm not going to say.

I'm not going to say because it's, I don't jinx it.

No, I don't want to jinx it because there's

so many moving parts.

But everyone knows that, like the minute that one thing

stalls, it shoves your whole timeline out

because of everybody else, it's lined up.

And then someone that's doing the plumbing

has got a skiing holiday book to then suddenly,

they can't do that and all of that.

But it's so exciting.

I'm hoping mine is going to be finished

by the end of the year.

That'd be nice.

Are you doing a major?

It's quite a lot we're doing, yeah.

Yeah, amazing.

We're going to take the whole front of the house off.

And wow, can't wait to see.

Can't wait to see.

Do all the garden, do all the bedrooms.

I kind of want a fire in my bedroom.

Why?

In the bars.

I know, that's how I do it.

And then it's like 50 degrees.

Yeah.

It's cold.

My house is cold.

I'm telling you, it's not 50 degrees inside.

It's outside.

I've not experienced 50 degrees yet.

Obviously, I've only been there when the weather's nice.

And actually, when it's 50 degrees,

I'll be here.

Well, there you go.

So I reckon I could get a fire.

Maybe get a little ascetic fire for the winter time.

Maybe that'll be quite good.

Anyway, I went to a bar class and it was quite intense, actually.

And at one point, we had to put our hands on the floor.

And our feet on the bar, so you're like upside down.

It's really hard to bar.

It's quite, yeah.

It's very, very exerting energy.

Yeah.

It was at that moment, I felt the...

Oh, no.

The Fanny Suck.

The Fanny Suck.

Oh, we all know that feeling when it goes in, it has to come out.

Yes.

And I was upside down and I felt that when I was like, oh, no.

How am I going to manage this?

You can't sneak a Fanny Fart out, not like a bum fart.

If I have control too much.

Bum fart, you can sneak out.

Well, obviously I didn't have control.

Then as I got down, I was trying to keep my legs open

as if to open my hole.

So the air could just escape through escaping hole.

Well, no, I didn't achieve that.

I got down and it was like a gatling gun of queeth.

Oh, no.

I wasn't even back to passing.

Did anyone hear me?

Obviously, it was so loud.

I'm sure you're not on your own.

It was embarrassing.

I mean, and I couldn't even style it out

because everyone was like from different places.

I thought they're not going to get my British queeth humour.

But you know, the teacher's like more in that case.

The teacher was Russian, I think.

Then there was like a French person in there,

like Asian person.

It was just a mix of cultures.

And then I would felt like the only English person

with my big Fanny gaping.

Yeah, I think at that point, it's best to just not lean

into the British humour.

Well, you're at the class on your own,

so you didn't have like a pal there.

Just on my own, no pal.

No pal.

No, no.

You've got no one to even have a little joke about.

I think in that case, yeah, when you don't have a wing person,

you just have to ignore it happens.

And you just almost, you look around.

Is it like my playing father?

Yeah, who was that?

Who was that?

Yeah, you have to sort of do the look over history quiz.

Look over each shoulder.

As though like completely absconding yourself.

It was quite horrific.

Well, we sympathised with that.

I'm sorry I wasn't there to.

Fanny there was a couple of new fanions in that class.

We could have joked about it together.

In that moment, Lyd did the right thing.

Completely deny.

Completely deny.

Even though it was obvious it was me.

I really want to know about, come, dime with me.

Oh, yeah.

What's been going on here?

So basically, this is actually quite cool.

In our community, they do this thing

called a progressive dinner.

Have you ever heard of that?

And so when you go to different people's houses

for different courses?

It's a bit like, come, dime with me.

Where you go, yeah, to different people's purpose of this.

Or like, integrating social needs and people.

So you sign up to it, if you want to do it.

And this lovely lady, like the organiser.

Yeah, and basically, you then get like an envelope,

delivered to your house, with what course you're doing,

where you're going for start-up,

where you're going for desire.

This is great.

Or main.

So I was doing the main.

Sorry, you saw me not for this, yeah.

So you're in the press.

And then there's like, what's that group?

And there was probably about 40 different couples

that did it in the community.

And it was so much fun.

So I was doing the main.

So they tell you what the main is.

No, we have to cook it.

You just choose what you want to do.

So yeah, we could choose whatever they tell you like,

if there's any dietary climates, and that wasn't it.

So I cooked a slow-cooked beef ragu,

because I thought, well, I've got to cook something

that's easy, so I'm not going to be there,

because obviously the starter eye was somewhere else.

So I did this slow-cooked beef ragu,

like cooked it over 10 hours, and like bread wine,

and apparently it was really good.

Obviously, I don't eat beef, so I don't know.

With parpa deli pasta, and a bit garlic bread

and parmesan sort of, keep it simple.

And then we went to a really lovely people's house

for the starter, an Indian family.

She made the best paneer that I've ever tasted.

I fucking love Indian food.

And it was like proper Indian food.

Yeah, like home cooked, like it was really good.

So we went to the house for the starter.

And how many people were going?

Six at each place.

Six each place, right?

So it was us, and then the starter people,

when you say us, you and Andrew, and then the starter people,

and then another couple, so we have starter.

And then it gets to spend like 45 minutes there,

and then you're like, right, gotta go.

Then it had to rush back to our house.

Very social of people.

Yeah, like doings had to rush back to our house,

get all the main ready, and then the people

came to our house for the main.

Same people.

No, no, different people.

It was a different piece.

So then, like, we're waiting, like, this one couple carbs

who also thought, oh, I thought, where's the other couple?

Well, they never came, I got stood up, didn't I?

Oh!

And I was thinking, stop it!

I've laid all my table, it's so beautiful.

I was thinking, where's this other couple?

Anyway, then five minutes before we're due to leave

to go and have the dessert at another house,

this couple walk in, and they're like, we are so sorry.

They had been at my neighbor's house, opposite.

So I'm number 11, and my neighbor's number two.

And basically, they had read 11 as number two,

like, those are numerals.

So my neighbor, Angela, had too many people,

oh, because they were part of it as well.

Because they'd gone to her house.

So it's the same close, like, the same little, you know,

whatever.

But they'd fallen, and they'd say that their other neighbor

was saving face by not wanting to be embarrassed.

So she was a bit like, oh, like, and apparently, no, apparently,

one couple had like an argument when they were at her house,

being like, no, we're definitely at the right house.

And this other couple didn't think we might not be.

They were quite convinced that they were at number two.

And it wasn't.

Then she quickly, luckily, she had enough food,

and she had to pull out more.

What was she cooking?

I can't.

I think she cooked some kind of Asian fusion type dumplings.

And so it was a bit of sharing, so that was fine.

And so she quickly laid for two more people.

So she had eight people, including her and her house,

and did I only had four, including me and Andrew.

And then it wasn't until the last minute.

They were like, no, we're at the right house, too.

And then she went, no, this is number 11, Louisa.

And then she was like, I don't know why they didn't clock.

That I, my name was fucking Angela.

I knew we were called Louisa.

And Louisa wasn't here.

Louisa and Andrew.

Anyway, so they came into ours at the last minute.

But obviously, we were like, we were about to leave.

Literally finished.

Yeah, we were like, we're moving on now to set.

And they were like, we just wanted to come in and say,

we're so sorry, like we missed it.

Yeah, that's lovely, man.

So that was fine.

But I did spend a lot of money on my tableware.

But obviously, I didn't have anything like at this house

here in England, and I've got all my,

you know how I am.

I've got all my, well, I laid a beautiful table.

I went to a special show.

Obviously.

And everyone wants to show off about their house.

But we never knew.

I bought, like, lamps for the table.

Anyway, the people that we had dinner with were really nice.

Then we dashed off to the next house for dessert.

So that was really fun.

And then there's like an after party after a house.

Yes, it was actually brilliant.

And at the after party, just like everybody then joined.

So the woman who arranges it, just called Annie,

she then does the after party at her house.

And it was like a whole mix of people,

like so many nationalities that literally round the world.

It was very, very cool experience.

Yeah.

Will you do it again?

Yeah, I'll do it next year.

I mean, I wouldn't do it more than once a year.

But it was very nice.

And we met some nice neighbours.

I have to say that I was right up my street.

It was really good fun.

I think I should do something like that in your village.

Actually, we've had a lot of people in the village.

We've got quite a few people move in over the last two years,

actually, who you sort of bump into on dog walks.

They go, well, I've moved into so and so's how.

Oh, hello, nice to see you should do it.

Anna's progressive dinner.

Anna's progressive dinner.

And by complete randomness, one of my new neighbours

turns out she's one of my Celebsco dating editors.

And you don't often see your editors.

So she worked with you.

And it wasn't to one of the village WhatsApp group.

And she was saying about her job in Telly.

And Tena Prick's up.

I was like, yeah.

Someone else in Telly, that's interesting.

I wonder what?

I was like, my God, we literally work on the same show.

Turns out her family, her kids.

I think I should do it.

I think I should do it.

You should do it.

Honestly, I have to say, it was really, really, really good fun.

Oh, I love that.

That's almost a recipe.

And then you need somewhere to do the after party.

Whether it might be your garden or doing the summer.

Well, I mean, there were some very nice houses in there.

Everybody was like, bought a bottle at the end,

like to the after party.

And it was like, it was really, really good.

I think that's so good.

I think we'll, you know, we speak.

Like, no, thy neighbor.

No, thy neighbor.

When you were younger, you'd always know your neighbours.

And like, you know, I'm not really, I've never really,

like, here, I don't, obviously, I've got no neighbours.

Well, I do know the ones like at the front,

but we don't really have a lot of neighbours,

but it was so cool.

It's like wacky racers in our community.

And everybody's like jumping in cars and going from this

onto that one.

That was really good fun.

I mean, a lot of my friends, I mean,

in Japan, it's not easier, because you've got like drivers

or you've got a golf buggy, so you can have a drink.

And then you've got like housekeepers that are that cute.

Whether you're in a block of flats or if you're in a,

you know, on a street in a village or whatever.

I mean, I've got good friends in mine.

Maybe you'll do this now.

Take it to London.

Maybe.

Maybe, maybe not.

I wouldn't do it.

I think we're all, well, next door, have a new baby.

Yeah, that's quite a lot.

They might like just to be invited to have a night off.

They might want to babysit their baby.

Babies at the baby.

You should say that to them, you know,

because when you, like, a young couple,

and you've got no family, and you've just had a baby,

it probably got no one close to them.

You should, like, be like, you know,

like, if you ever want to have, no, you want to dinner out.

We're happy to have the baby.

Get to know them first.

We could practice for you.

It was very young.

It was born just before Christmas.

Oh, you should take a gift.

But also, things like it.

Yeah, I do.

I do.

But then it does take a village, and you're right.

And like, actually, I love that.

I should, I definitely want, especially when the Renault's done,

I want to invite some of our newer neighbors,

because they've all got kids, but also it helps you out.

They dates over the summer, and you want to sort of jump

right into this house.

It was love that.

It was really good fun, and I highly recommend it.

Well, I was a feel good thing.

I feel wholesome about that.

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Up to Speed.

Right, speaking of wholesome,

should we see if we can spread any more love with our?

It's a record, a record, a record, a record, a record,

but I'm bummed.

Right, should we go first?

Yes, go on, but.

So, my one this week, I've got a couple,

but I'm often tired, as we know.

I'm tired.

You know, right in the middle of tiring,

tiring, little filming sketch at the moment,

and a child seems to not want to sleep.

Fired, is that L?

But it's my L, yes.

Mummy, mummy, mummy, this monster's, no, there's not.

Well, we have bloody monsters.

Everybody wait me up one more time.

Anyway, this is actually a friend of ours, brand.

But I love these, Stacey Solomon's brand, rehab brand.

Oh, yeah.

I am loving, and these have been saving my face recently,

the little eye under eye patch cooling stick on strips.

Nice.

So I'm a big fan of these, you know,

stick on strips that you put under your eyes,

just to kind of de-bag your eyes.

De-puff them.

I have tried quite a few courtesy of Makeup Joe,

because she always likes to whack him on before she puts

a makeup on for the telly.

And I have to say, they were sent through

by Stacey and her business partner ages ago.

These ones are superior.

Are they?

Superior.

I haven't tried these.

This is not an ad or a spawn.

I am a big fan, as you are a rehab,

but I think it's an amazing brand, typically for the hair.

Yeah, normally it started with hair and skin care.

Well, these little eye under eye patches are brilliant.

They are like self-adhesive.

You stick them on under the eye,

and I think they are so effective.

I am now a fully paid fan of this,

and I've been buying them in bulk.

So that's my little sort of hack,

if you're looking a bit tied,

and a bit of a drag list.

Put on your rehab eye patches.

Wow.

That's my reco-seco.

That's a good reco-ins.

How are you doing on that reco-seco front?

My reco-seco is, you know, ages and ages and ages

go like last year.

We had that lovely lady called Florence

who got in touch from Fitflop,

and she sent us slippers.

Yes.

Don't, what are you looking at?

Have I sold in a reco-seco front?

No, but I had a little delivery this week.

I did too.

Maybe the reach out came from the same person.

Go on.

Interesting.

Anyway, those slippers that she sent back in the day,

I wear every day, and they're now almost in tatters,

so I would like some more.

Anyway, but before Christmas,

I decided that I needed some new walking boots.

Oh, okay.

No, right.

For all the hikes, like dog walking boots,

because I have a dog and I walk it,

and it's muddy outside.

And my boots were basically falling apart

as in the sole was coming off the shoe,

and it was letting in the water and stuff.

That's not ideal.

So I went onto the Fitflop website.

As you know, I was targeted on ads on Instagram,

and I saw these boots.

And they're wonderful things,

and they're called the Neody Hiker waterproof walking boots.

It's a nice name for a beat.

They are.

But they're basically,

it's like putting your feet into little like doves,

and in some places for a nice, nice and fluffy,

and they're wonderful, and they're waterproof,

and I am in love.

Let's have a look at these.

Are they spinning?

Well, they're currently on sale.

Oh.

They're 105 pounds currently.

Not much for walking, baby.

But there's only two sizes left,

so you're gonna have to move quickly.

They're like, now?

They're like, oh.

They look like little doves,

they do.

They look like little doves there.

They come in multiple colors,

and me and they got one's matching ones,

but I'm a green and here's a creamy color.

And I love them, and they're so comfortable,

and they're great for walking the dog,

and I just thought they were a good one.

That is a good one.

And when you said a fit-flop,

because they very kindly offered me,

they've got some nice trainers.

In fact, I've actually got them with me in the kitchen,

and they're really lovely.

They look a little bit like,

they're just kind of like white pumps,

but like few little trainers.

And I was like, that's very kind of you

if you want to send me a pair.

Well, I've only been wearing them a couple of days.

They're the comfy version of the trainers,

and they're really kind.

Oh, I don't find the slippers

that we've got so comfortable.

Do you know all those comfy ones

that I don't find them really heavy?

Do you?

Yeah, and not very comfortable.

Oh, well, we're big old fans over here,

and the trainers are really lovely.

Warm to mind.

Mine ones are a bit like comp,

but they're a bit like added as sort of like pumps,

and really nice, yeah.

I didn't find that.

I didn't have that experience.

But thank you anyway.

Well, I'm with you on that.

The very nice footwear.

Excellent, good record, look.

Yeah, great record, guys.

Really good.

I would like to recommend my book,

which is sitting next to you.

Yes, please go ahead, Lou.

You might notice if you're watching on YouTube

that we have changed the decor,

and this is my record.

And the books are here.

I've got a stack of them.

Breaking mum and dad is brilliant.

It's like an insider's guide to parenting anxiety.

Breaking mad, which is also about being mental.

So that is my Rekko Saka.

Get yourself, and also we've got one in Chinese.

Korean actually.

Korean, yeah, I'm a fan of,

and I have heard that the Korean one, Kim Jong-un,

is also a big fan of.

So, uh, allegedly, allegedly.

So yeah, get yourself on Amazon

and get ordering my best friend's book.

Thank you.

I mean, I can't be mad at that at all.

Thank you, Lou.

Thank you for that.

That's my Rekko Saka.

Thank you for your Rekko Saka.

We've also topped it off with a new

kind of candle.

This smells like Luana's Vag.

It's actually not in stock anywhere

because we are too lazy to do any kind of merchandise

at the moment.

But when we decide to revisit our merch,

these candles do smell really good.

We just need to do a candle making night.

Because we made them all ourselves.

Well, you didn't, I didn't.

I, yeah.

I made them all last time.

You did.

We should actually do that again

before we do the troxy,

because the candles are good.

Oh, my God.

I love the candles.

We can do that on our next one of sleepovers.

Yeah, we should.

I'll get a candle burner wax maker.

Thank you for your view.

If anyone actually, if anyone's just in their early fanion,

they make candles and they'd like to come and help us do that.

Actually, that would be great.

That would be really handy.

You can come over to Shampnys too.

Yes.

And we can do candle making.

We probably need to make about 500 candles.

Actually, that is a very good call to action.

If that is you, can you please email us,

Luana, and everything you add.

And in the subject heading put,

I am a candle maker.

I can help.

Because we do want to make more candles.

That would be really useful, actually.

You literally made all these candles.

Well, I'll see pay you.

And I'll give you a car.

Choose the scent and look.

That is like, what, four years on, smell it.

It's a really good smell.

They were really good candles, be fair.

I've gate-keaped a couple back at my house.

Anyway, messages, shall we?

Yeah, we've got a message from a non.

So, Eileen, Eileen, Eileen, Eileen, Eileen.

Hi, Luana.

I'm a new listener after finding you recently

on Facebook videos.

Well, Bex, well done.

Bex is delivering.

She's earning her keep.

Yeah.

You are absolutely in that chair, yeah.

She hasn't got a chair.

Maybe we'll get Bex a mini, a little...

A little...

A milking stall.

What are those little people?

Impolimpas.

We'll get you one, an Impolimpas stall.

Might even get an orange one for you.

Doesn't quite match our...

That's not even bothered to reply to them.

I have a story for you,

based around colonic irrigation.

After having my first child

and putting on tons of weight from comfort eating,

I went down the TikTok rabbit hole of colonic irrigation.

They have these gorgeous salons

and make it look like a empathic treatment.

You go in, have the treatment,

and then you leave a stone lighter.

Well, I live in a small city famous

for being one of the worst places to live in the UK.

Is it J-Wik?

J-Wik's famous for being crap.

Is it?

Yeah.

I booked a colonic in a local salon,

left baby with dad for the day

and went off to get magically skinny.

When I walked in, I was greeted by a lady

who barely spoke any English

and also offered leeching treatment.

Well, that's very olden day,

to give you an idea of what kind of establishment it was.

She proceeded to open a cupboard door

and shuffle me into a tiny room

with a fold-out bed and an open waste pipe

in the corner of the room.

She locked the door behind her for privacy,

and at this point,

I realized things were about to take a turn.

She started the treatment,

and I got so anxious that

what was being pumped in my body

was not letting back out.

My tummy got rounder and rounder,

and she started to push down

to try and make me release.

When I finally told her,

I don't think this is working.

She relented and agreed that maybe I just need to go

to the toilet and let nature take its course.

At this point, my body was telling me,

I could not hold on for long, asshole.

And I was desperate for her to leave the room

as I was still naked from the waist down,

clenching with all my might.

She then went over to the wash basin,

slowly removed her glove,

washed her hands at least three times.

The running water sound was not helping the situation.

I was laying on my side,

thinking that I'm about to pop

like a fire hydrant all over the white wall behind me.

I'm so anxious.

When she finally left,

I went into the toilet

and can only compare it

to giving birth a second time round.

But with much less weight in,

I quickly dressed,

made polite goodbyes,

and shuffled down the road,

leaned behind all my dignity,

and what can only be described

as the most traumatic shit of my life.

Zero out of ten,

I do not recommend.

No, I've only ever had one colonic,

and I have to admit it wasn't.

It was not a great experience.

I had one at Quattrox.

Oh, did you?

I didn't have mine there either.

And then I've also had a couple years ago

with another lady,

and I've had good, good colonic experiences.

It's not the most enjoyable thing.

I tend to find I get a bit sweaty and like hot,

and I don't, I'm not, yeah, I didn't enjoy it.

I've had one. No.

I thought it was going to be more cleansing

than it actually felt at the end there.

Maybe it felt a bit hot and dizzy.

Yeah, it wasn't crazy.

Do you feel a little afterwork?

Straight away, straight away.

You've been here with a bunch of shanky pants.

Yeah, you need to be near a toilet.

And is it just water?

Brown water.

Brown water.

Oh god, it's like gravy coming out of your butt.

Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

It is something.

Do you feel better after?

I can't remember, originally.

So no.

It's not for me. It's not for me.

Message from anonymous next.

So more in tits.

I know, I know.

Please may you keep me anonymous.

Of course, babes.

It's taken me 64 days.

Exactly.

To write this email is things keep getting better

and then get bad again.

Oh, okay.

I'm going to be completely honest in this email

because I think it's important you have all the facts

before you give me some advice.

Okay.

I know at parts I will come across badly,

but I'm okay with that.

I've been with my partner three years.

I have a daughter who's seven from a previous relationship

and we have a daughter together.

Who's one?

Back when my partner and I first met

three and a half years ago, it wasn't serious.

Just a quick visit round in the evening

for a quick shag and that was it.

No strings, no feelings, in and out, see you later.

Wambam.

Because I thought I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere.

I lied about one part of my life

and that lie was that I could drive.

When, in fact, I didn't even have a license.

Now, I cannot tell you why I lied about this.

It just seems totally bonkers now and I get that.

Well, we all say and do weird things, don't we?

That big laugh.

Things actually ended up developing quickly

and I ended up falling pregnant

so our relationship actually ended up blossoming

and we fell in love.

Sadly, that pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage.

I'm sorry, but our relationship was on the right track

and we continue to stay together.

While this is all happening,

I haven't even thought about my lie.

It never came up.

It was a distant memory in the back of my head

but clearly not for him.

Eight months in, he asked about driving

and I admitted to them that I had lied.

Oh, okay.

Fine.

And I never had a license and I apologized.

Admitted I didn't know why I did it.

He was upset but shows to move on.

Okay, well that's fair enough.

We are now three years later and have our beautiful baby girl

and I have just gone back to work

at a new job after maternity leave.

The day I started that job is where it started to go downhill.

From day one, he had an issue.

We will be communicating with no issues

and then his text tone would change

and he would fly off the handle over absolutely nothing.

Well, that mood would carry on into the evening and I

being the taller that, being the taller...

Not a bigger person.

Oh yeah, being the bigger person that I am

would try to fix it by communicating.

The outcome would be that whatever he was in a mood

about stemmed from the fact that he cannot trust me

because of the lie about the driving license.

I would end up crying and apologising

and then we would be fine.

I thought it would be the end of it

but how wrong I was.

Most days, if not every day, it was the same.

I would end up groveling and he would end up telling me

how that lie is really mentally affecting him

and he can't trust me. He feels like he can't trust her.

It's a tricky one.

I would sit at work and anxious mess,

not knowing if his good mood was temporary

and that something was set him off in his head.

I'm not an anxious person,

it takes a lot to change my mood

and I very much have the mindset of shit happens to get over it

but these were new feelings that I didn't know I had.

Accusation started to come up to become more crazy.

The context I got a job in the office of a meat factory

which was completely female dominated in the office

and male dominated in the factory.

According to him, the only way I could have got the job

was because I was sleeping with someone in the meat factory.

Oh, he just doesn't trust her, doesn't he?

Yeah, and he got any asked me to go and work in the office.

When in reality, I saw the job advertised on Facebook,

emails in, got the job that way.

I had to show him the email thread to prove that.

Another example, he came home one day at lunch from work

and the washing machine was on.

He flipped out or went into a mood

because I'd obviously been home and I turned it on

and I was hiding something from him.

Oh my God.

When in reality, I put a timer on the washing machine

in the morning so the clothes would be ready to hang out

when I got back from work.

That is good washing machine.

Yeah.

But because I didn't mention that to him,

I was automatically lying.

Why would I tell him anything to do with the washing?

The boys never touched the washing machine

the whole time we had been together.

Now, because of that last situation,

I decided we should get life 360, bad idea.

It apparently showed me on a road next to my work

when I was sat at my desk,

however he doesn't have any proof of this.

Yeah, I'd proof in my life 360, 360,

where I was and for how long,

but he said I'd probably manipulated it.

Oh, he's gone too far now.

I need to drive this shit.

Well, let's see how it ends up.

He states all of this is because I lied

about the license for so long

and then eventually told the truth.

So what else will I hide from him?

What links will I go to?

And honestly, I do get it.

To me, this was innocent, a small lie

that went on too long.

I could understand and appreciate why he felt this way

and I have been doing all in my power

to make him feel better.

The issue is that I'm doing nothing,

quite literally nothing.

Yeah, I am being blamed for crazy accusations

that sometimes make no sense.

Every time he's one of these moods, I feel sad.

I'm being told the whole time I'm a shit person.

So my self-esteem is really being knocked.

The final straw was Monday last week

when I was at work and he found something else

to kick off about.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I got up from my desk and I left.

I quit, right on, darling.

I quit right there on the spot.

I told him that evening he clearly had an issue

with me working there.

It's now two weeks later and guess what?

No arguments.

It's crazy.

It's done in 180.

I have been out sorting dinners,

wandering around town, grabbing coffee, the gym, et cetera.

Yesterday was the first day that I was in a major change mood

and rotted in bed with eye play on the tablet

that scrolled through my phone for hours.

It felt good.

The kids were at school and I hadn't done it in ages.

Cue the mood.

He kept sending me things up on Facebook message every time,

every single time I was active.

I thought it was a joke at first, but then yeah,

you guessed it.

He was a dick.

He started messaging me about all my new friends.

What new friends you ask?

The ones I've obviously been,

I've obviously been doing scrolling through social media.

Basically I was far too active on social media

for him yesterday.

We had a mood of, oh, dearie me, this is flaggy as hell.

I was.

Because she's been on social day.

He came home in a mood, making it seem like it was all my fault.

And you guessed it, it all stemmed from the driving life.

Oh, he needs to get over the driving license thing.

He's using that as an excuse to be controlling.

Well, exactly.

I don't even think the life driving license is even the issue.

No, look, she's been worn down even more.

She moves on to say, I feel like I'm meant to just get rid

of my phone, not get a new job,

and just sit here doing nothing.

Darling, I want you to pause.

She's chipping away for giving up your job

and not financial independence.

This is emotional control.

I recommend a couple of therapy

which he was not on board with a month ago,

but now I said he wants to go to.

Okay, I would actually encourage this.

Yeah, I do that.

Because this will all come out in it,

but I'm not feeling in the same headspace as I was a month ago.

And so I desperately want to fix it.

I think he believes a therapist will completely agree

with him and beat me down,

along with that's why you need to go

because they won't.

They won't.

I am that therapist, they won't.

They're unbiased.

I've told him this isn't the case,

and I actually think he may not like what they have to say.

You're right.

Seriously, I feel so low at the moment.

Every single day I'm walking on eggshells.

I've sat down and spoken to him multiple times.

I even quit the job I love to help our relationship.

He's the love of my life.

I just do not know where to go from here.

Nothing at all.

Well, don't is right.

I am not this person,

and I feel like I'm been mentally dragged down

because darling, you are being mentally abused.

Any advice you have I'm willing to listen to.

You're honestly the best that I love listening to the pod

and the backlog every single day.

Darling, you know what we're going to say?

What I'm going to say is he's regardless of this lie or not,

he is controlling.

Whether you told that lie,

or you never lied in your relationship,

he's actually using that as an excuse

to be controlling with you.

Well, it's his Trump card.

Every time, it's his Trump card every time.

He is the way he is.

Like, you've already, if you just take a step back,

you've quit something that you love to try and placate him,

not just in that quitting your job,

you've given up your financial independence,

which is so major when you're in a relationship like this,

because he's stripped you of that,

and then he'll strip you of your friends,

and which he's already doing,

she'll say, should I give up my phone?

Absolutely not.

He has got a shitty personality and shitty traits

that he needs to change for this relationship to continue.

Because what he's doing is chipping away at you,

bit by bit by bit,

and you are going to become a shell of yourself

to constantly try and placate him.

And you should go to the therapy

because he isn't going to like what he's got to hear.

I am really happy that you have messaged us now

because I'm hoping we've caught you

before this goes down a very dangerous path.

You did tell an untruth,

and you know what, I think therapy is a brilliant idea

because I suspect that there are things in his past

where he has had his trust broken,

maybe from other people who knows maybe not,

but it might be and he is oversensitive to trust issues.

And I think that is an important thing to bring up

in a therapy with mediation to unpack where this comes from.

It may be and or a result of him being manipulative

and emotionally controlling, which he is.

To lose point, he is starting to erode yourself with steam

and the control and you're doing,

which we hear many times,

I've been in this position myself.

The next thing will be,

you're just, I think, oh, I can't be asked to speak

to my friends and have the fear of the Roth.

Oh, I might just delete my Instagram account

because I can't be bothered to deal with the,

and gradually what he is doing is he is isolating you.

I think that you, I think you're into deep

to be able to handle this yourself

because I don't think his response to you

will be emotionally safe one.

I would absolutely now suggest that it is do or die

you need to have therapy.

What a couple therapist will do is they will listen

so you don't have to be in person either.

You can both do it remotely.

You don't even have to be together remotely.

You can be on separate video calls in separate rooms,

separate houses, wherever it may be.

And what a therapist will do is in an unbiased way,

they will mediate between the two of you.

It is a way to have constructive conversations,

but for a very well-trained therapist to unpack

what they are hearing, what is going on

and to reflect back, what is okay and what is not okay.

And if this was me in couples therapy

and I am often in this position,

I will reflect back to that perpetrator

and say what you are describing here

and what you are doing is wrong.

And I would ask them to then reflect on what it is

but then to ask them to figure out

where that's possibly come from

and then to build a healthier framework.

Now, it may be that you can't get through this relationship

and I have to say my experience tells me,

I don't think it leaves any experience

and I think it has got instinct like Lou has as well.

This is quite a flaggy relationship

and I would suggest you proceed with caution

but I would say before you throw that baby out

with the bathwater,

I would suggest that therapy might be one of the two.

I would suggest getting a job

because you will feel as time goes on

and you say it's only been two weeks since you quit that job,

you are going to feel a lot worse

not having like a monthly income

and being so dependent on him financially,

you cannot be financially dependent on somebody

that is like this in a relationship.

But he just can't.

No, you're absolutely right.

And also, he will always find something

whether it's a job, whether it's you scrolling on Instagram,

whether it's you walking to a coffee shop.

Even if you're going to a bloody soft play with your kids.

If you're ringing your mum,

there will be an issue with that.

So, and this is really what happens.

So, Lou's right, you need to hold onto your independence.

You need to hold onto speaking to friends,

reaching out to keeping that support network

and you need to get hold of it now, am I darling?

You do.

Keep us posted.

Yeah, please give us updates.

I really hate reading stories, guys.

And then we don't get an update.

It like makes me lose sleep at night.

Yeah, we're sending love.

We're sending love.

Yes.

Right, we've got another messaging from a nun

with Kudji Winifred.

She says,

Hi, Lou, anime, funny story for you.

But I feel I need to paint a picture for you first

as Anna would say, said limp it.

Here we go.

When I was growing up, I quite frequently,

especially at weekends, got woken up by my parents,

shaggot.

Oh, great.

Before I really even knew what sex was,

they were headboard, wow,

headboard banging, mowning loudly,

ranting, and extremely loud.

My first boyfriend's parents were like,

Really?

We would be like the teenagers in his bed,

literally looking at each other coldly

as his parents were absolutely going for it in the next room.

And they didn't care.

No, they were really sexually liberal.

So, literally, with a pair of us,

like two, 17 year-olds in your bed.

You're doing the same thing.

His mom was always walking around in her sexy night, see you.

No!

Yeah.

I did that.

Maybe I should get more sex in my two.

We always used to hear and shaggot on a saturday morning.

Yeah.

What did the boyfriend say?

He was quite chill about it.

He was always so disgusting.

I mean, it worked because it meant we didn't have sex.

Because we were like, that's so lucky.

He was like, oh, god.

You know, we similar.

We used to put the tele on.

That was the contact.

Yeah, I did it right up.

Oh, man, you're done, God, and as well.

Sit there with our cup of tea and our bicky.

Let's get to his parents' shaggot.

Oh, god.

Anyway, so this person also got woken up by the parents' shaggot.

He says, before I really even knew what sex was,

they were headball banging, mainly loudly, Randy.

I used to dread sleepovers with my friends,

in case my parents were my friends up to.

And then my life would be unbearable if work got around us.

Social suicide.

I was farting, Barrett,

to ever bring it up with my parents.

So just went on and on for years.

Anyway, one night when I was about 20

and still living with my parents, I'm in my 40s now,

I'd gone on a night out with my friends,

met a lad and we'd copped off.

At the end of the night, he very kindly offered to walk me home.

As we approached my parents' house,

I could hear noises.

No.

Oh, my God, they were at it.

Oh, no.

I mean, I'm here for the sex life, though.

I tried my best to say my goodbyes to the lad I was with,

that he kept walking,

obviously wanting a snog on the doorstep.

Unfortunately, it was summer.

And my parents' bedroom was at the front of the house,

and the windows were wide open.

He heard.

He heard.

Oh, and roared with laughter, exclaiming,

oh, my God, your mouth's getting ghosted.

Stop it.

I wondered the ground to swallow me.

In the end, we sat on a wall.

A few houses away,

waited for the bedroom lamp to go off,

which it eventually did,

after him saying that my dad was a stallion.

Oh, no.

The next morning, I told my mum what happened,

and she thought it was hilarious.

And everyone who rang up that day got the story.

I never did meet up with this lad again,

but we still live in the same town,

and sometimes bump into each other.

And he always has this knowingly,

just a man plastered across his face,

needless to say,

he's a parent of two teenagers.

I have never,

and we'll never put them through the trauma

up here in their dad and I have sex.

Please tell me I'm not the only one

who had rampant parents.

Call me Winifred after my amazing Nana.

I love the pod.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Wow.

I love my parents.

I love my parents.

No.

I mean, I've heard enough stories

about my parents' shadowing.

So have I about your parents.

Oh, God, I love telling me I can always say two stories.

I am forever grateful that that is a never a topic

that has ever nor will ever be discussed

with my parents.

What about you?

That's a complete line, Gross.

I don't remember ever hearing them,

but then they did break up when I was 13.

Oh.

But did you hear any of the relationships after shagging?

Like your dad's girlfriend, your mum's boyfriend?

No, but I remember one time,

my best mate, Ellie, was over after school.

And we must have been like 14, 15 maybe,

and it was like my mum's first boyfriend after my dad.

I don't know if she'd like me saying this,

but I'm going to say it anyway, fuck it.

Anyway, and we came down to get a drink from the kitchen

and he was over and my mum was sat straddling him

in the kitchen.

And it was really, I don't know if I've changed this memory

in my head.

Well, it was in dry hunting.

No.

As in he was sat on the chair and she was sat

on his lap, facing his face, facing him.

Yeah, but were they naked?

No, they were fully close.

They hang like a snorkeling.

Oh, she was just having a little kiss in the kitchen.

I remember going down there with my best friend thinking,

what the fuck?

Oh, this is so embarrassing.

Oh, they were having a little snorkeling.

I know, but I was just like, all right, that's happening.

Mum's, mum's, mum was throbbing.

No, she was just like chatting to us,

and I was like, this is like,

but it's also, I think it's so nice to like show your children

that you have affection for each other as well,

within, within a, within a drink.

Yeah, but you didn't like it because it was a lifestyle.

I don't like that.

Yeah.

It was very soon after.

It was a bit much.

But don't you remember, like, too?

A bit soon.

If Alex and I like kissing the kitchen and stuff,

like the kids, like getting really really, like...

Oh, let me.

It's me and Andrew.

Let me try to get in the middle.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're like, oh, stop it.

They get hates it.

They hate it.

No, they're getting embarrassed.

Uh, remember, if you want to get in touch,

you can email us, Luana, and everything,

the Wanner.com.

Oh.

Can you tell us what's up?

On.

5, 2, 1, 5, 6, 4, 6, 4, ooo.

Right.

What we're chatting about today.

We're talking about dumb, fuck children.

And this doesn't surprise me quite frankly.

The, uh, Gen Z is the first generation

that's dumber than the parents, neuroscientists have claimed.

However, I would just like to say, we did do here for your maths.

Yes, we did.

And I can confirm that my nine-year-old

is more smart than me.

Well, uh, this is, uh, Gen Z.

It's something that no modern generation has managed to pull off before.

Oh, cool.

So there's been more than a century of steady academic gains.

Test scores finally went in the other direction.

So for the first time ever, this new generation

is officially dumber than the previous one.

Oh, I've got no hope.

Uh, no.

This is a come from a review from a neuroscientist,

Jared Cooney Horvath.

I don't think I've said that right.

Jared.

Uh, anyway, seeing, I'm a dumb fuck.

He spent years reviewing standardized testing results

across all age groups.

Um, and he said this is the first generation

in modern history to score lower on standardized academic tests

than the one before it.

Um, so.

But I'm not seeing in universities and GCSE,

or not the GCSE, or whatever, you know, the grading.

Yeah.

We've seen like more A's and A, not grade 9's,

whether they called no A stars, A stars, then we ever have before.

Like genuinely, I'm like, I don't know why that's true.

Well, this is because basically he's saying,

uh, it's just down to screen time.

More than half of a time a teenager is awake.

Half of that time that their awake is spent staring at a screen.

Um, and he said that, you know, intelligence and human learning

depends on sustained attention interaction with other people.

And this endless like doom scrolling condensed content,

they don't offer either.

Also, what I noticed, especially with Dixie,

where she is that kind of first generation to have a phone.

That attention span is very poor,

because they're just used to scroll.

Like, look at that five seconds move on.

Look at that.

Well, it's a dopamine effect.

Yeah.

And it is proven.

Yeah.

So this is what it's saying.

They're bouncing between social feeds and bites,

those explanations of material they never sat with for long enough.

They're just skimming things.

They're not building any depth.

He says, I'm not anti tech, but I'm pro rigor.

Uh, rigor in his view comes from friction,

reading full text, working through confusion,

spending time with material that doesn't immediately reward you.

Yes.

So if you take that away,

your cognitive skills are dulling down.

Your brains are adapted to the environment that they're given.

And this one prizes speed over staying power.

And so this decline is appearing outside of the US roughly across 80 countries.

And it's just a sad fact that our kids are less cognitively capable

than we were at the age.

And his recommendation focused on restraint,

dialing back screens in schools and restoring depth

before the next generation is doing.

And I think a lot of people are doing that.

Like, even, I mean, the whole world bolt a bolt of, you know,

way, way along ago.

But I suppose, you know, it's been over Gen Z is that this is the first generation

that, um, have accessed all of this tech.

Like, you know, we didn't have it.

And I'm bloody happy that we didn't.

Like, I think it's, some of it is not their fault

because they are in this sort of digital age that we're in.

But like, I think we're all trying now, aren't we?

We're trying to claw back.

We're trying to claw back now.

And it's really hard, because like you say,

the horse is bolted and we're scrambling.

Well, we're trying to fix it now.

We're trying to fix it now.

We are fixing it with our kit.

Like, say, my kids, you take my three.

So Dixie's nearly 16 and the other two are 9 and 8.

And I know that I won't make the same mistakes with the two young ones

that I have made with Dixie.

Yeah.

That's why they don't have tech because I don't want roadblocks.

I don't want all that shit because it's, I know what it's done to Dixie.

And I feel like the horse has bolted.

And I've had that one to experiment with.

I feel like other people that don't haven't had that advantage

where I've got a big age gap.

They don't have that.

I have the advantage of hindsight.

Right.

And I can see what it's done for Dixie.

And even, you know, when you think, oh, it's so cute.

They can message their friends on the weekends and staff.

No, my friends and my kids do not do that.

Yeah, it's not cute because it's damaging.

Well, I think everything in moderation, isn't it?

And I know it is hard.

I mean, I'm permanently battling it.

Well, I am and I'm not.

You know, I'm quite a hard, I kind of do a lot with the kids.

I'm quite bound to driven outside.

Oh, wait.

They're only allowed an hour screen time a day.

You know, in Dixie, we have friends at school.

I haven't noticed it as much in Dubai actually,

but definitely in England.

Maybe they're outdoors.

They're just always big kids.

You know, when they had iPads, and if they had their little hour

or half an hour here and there at a weekend,

I mean, this one girl was just constantly online.

Yeah.

Like the mum just fucking gave her an iPad all weekend.

Yeah.

We don't really get that into Dubai because it is more outdoorsy

outdoorsy.

For now, while the weather's good.

Well, this is it.

I mean, and it is hard, but it's just, I mean, I mean,

we give the kids an hour screen time.

And then they get to, and then trying to give them

a little bit of that control.

It's like they can then choose how they want to

portion that in the day.

Yeah.

If you use it all up in the morning, you won't have anything else.

Yeah.

And they like to decompress after school.

I'm fine with that.

But it's also little things, I think,

where schools now are picking up that responsibility.

And I credit to our school.

They've got a new parent forum that they started.

And, you know, they've just started now with meetings,

which is really lovely to see parents really wanting to get involved

with them because a lot of parents were saying that we don't want

the homework that's coming back to be on screen.

Yeah.

A lot of their time.

Right.

But it is all lovely.

But it is also, you know, but it's been shared.

It's been shared.

It's been shared.

It's been shared.

And it's fun.

And they do find it a bit more fun.

But lots of parents are saying, can we, you know,

have make sure we have a majority of paper homework,

not homework that's on the tablet.

And actually every credit to our school as well,

they've, you know, the Duke of Edinburgh award.

There's like a kids version now, which schools can sign up for.

It's called the Junior Jig.

And our school have signed up for it.

And it's really lovely.

Right.

And they, and our credit again to our deputy head,

they made the decision to not have it done on tech.

And again, they opt for the physical books.

So every family, every child gets a physical work.

So nice.

And it's basically like Cubs and Brownies.

Yeah.

You know, and like in Elle's one, it's slightly different

for which year group you're in.

But they've got a whole year.

And you know, like this one's like, there's a cooking challenge.

There's a, there's a challenge.

Yeah.

And they're quite, they're really quite fun.

And again, it's things like that bringing back in course skills.

It's like a course.

But it's awesome.

But it's also course skills like sewing, like one of them's a knitting one.

I know.

Like there's den building.

And I credit the school for doing that.

And for making it available for all the children.

And I think that's what we're all trying to do now is push back.

We are pushing back.

Yeah.

Right.

This is a really fucked up story.

But a married man has left his wife to start a relationship with his own mother.

What?

So basically, um,

This lady came where she gave birth to Ben.

She was only 19.

She was in California.

And she gave him up for adoption.

And then she came back to the UK.

Um, and anyway, then back in 2013, Ben decided to seek out his biological mother.

Right.

They stayed in contact, phone calls letters.

Then they met a year later.

Um, anyway, what obviously should have been quite an emotional meeting between mother and son.

Suddenly turned sexual.

So Ben admitted that the encounters were so mind-blowing that he felt compelled to leave his wife

for two years.

He couldn't be intimate with her unless he imagined she was his mother.

She was her mother.

Kim told the New Day newspaper back in 2016 that the lady, the man was, was welcoming yet.

I couldn't warn to her.

I felt a growing sense of competition.

And when Ben touched her, I felt jealous.

That's the mom was jealous of the wife.

Yeah.

And she was even more aware of the fact that she thought I was spending too much time with Ben.

She would constantly call him when we were together.

Eventually he admitted that she was giving him grief about spending time with me.

And she calls you mommy girl friend, he said.

Wow.

Well, obviously it's illegal.

It's a different insustuous relationship.

Yeah.

And despite the threat of a 15-year sentence hanging over their heads, they're going to get married.

How is that legal?

They've even spoken about wanting to try for children, claiming that they would use surrogacy if they could not conceive naturally.

But obviously, when you have an insustuous relationship, there is a higher risk of genetic problems.

Because it's inbreeding.

Yeah.

They claim that the situation is an incest and rather a genetic sexual attraction, which supposedly occurs.

This is relatively common when things like this happen.

So it's when relatives meet for the first time as adults and they get this sexual attraction.

Due to the intimacy they miss when they're young.

You see it often with siblings.

It's the thing when siblings are suddenly reunited.

It's called this genetic ESA.

It is.

And they've said it's not incest.

It is GSA, this genetic sexual attraction.

We're peas in a pod and we're meant to be together, the mum came at it.

So people say we're disgusting, but you'll hit with love.

It's so consuming.

So he admitted to his wife that he'd been cheated on his wife with his mum.

And days after meeting as mum moved in with her in Michigan.

And then there could be prosecuted and registered as sex offenders under Michigan law.

The pair insisted that they were meant to be together.

It's not known if Kim and Ben disappeared off the right to continue to be in or not.

Obviously this is very wrong.

But it is a thing.

It is actually, I mean, it's like common, but it is a thing.

And it's confusing.

It's confusing around feelings, emotions, oxytocin, bonding.

And it was something I was watching the day.

I mean, I've just gone through some random fake news or something.

But it was something about research coming through that a mother...

Well, actually I did know this because I know about it with miscarriage and stuff,

but always carries a DNA of her family in her.

And which is why you know how people talk about that kind of intuition,

like it's a baby turn, that mother's instinct.

And like, and it was kind of, that's the thing for a reason you are actually connected to your child.

And I wonder, I don't know, I think it's me just making this up,

but I wonder if that is a part of it.

There is this sort of inherent connection that is really confusing.

Well, it makes me feel sick quite frankly.

Yeah, I mean, it's disgusting.

Well, it's poor wife as well.

Imagine your husband leaving you for his own mum.

It's embarrassing.

That is very complex.

Anyway, from one weird thing, let's carry on on this weirdo train.

We're on, it's time for...

Here's the widow of the week!

Right, and none of us so row becker.

Hello ladies, I have a massive ik about my boyfriend

that I think could be a contender for weirdo of the week.

My boyfriend, however, thinks this is completely normal,

so please help us settle it.

Every single day without fail, when it's time to pop out slacks on.

No, pop in mislacks.

Pop in mislacks and get comfy on the sofa.

My boyfriend will always put on a touch.

A touch.

The biggest ik.

It's like a thick rope.

Actually, even I find this quite easy.

I love a dressing gown.

And no, I don't mean a towel dressing gown,

which would also be weird.

Sorry Anna, no, I'm kind of with you.

It's a time and a place for a towel dressing gown.

He will wear a tally changing robe.

What's the difference?

You take to the beach.

What's the difference?

Oh, I know.

No, I know.

There's like a tallying.

I know the one she means.

It's like a towel, but in a dressing gown form.

Like it is a slightly different thing.

You might be getting out of the shower,

changing out of work clothes, or getting ready for bed.

But every evening at some point,

he'll pop on the tallying changing robe.

So when you go to swimming pools,

you can get one for like swimming.

Like if you do like swimming or something.

Give me a minute.

Yeah.

And then wear it for the remainder of the night,

often wearing it in bed,

and then taking it off the beach.

I just couldn't check him.

No.

So if you hate this and think it's a massive ick,

watching a grown man,

we're nothing but a dress made out of...

Yes.

It is ick.

Oh, it's the towel dress.

You know the hoodie one.

She sent a picture.

Oh, right.

Yeah, you know the hoodie when they give up.

Oh, yeah.

No, the ones you wear on the beach.

He claims it's so comfy,

and none of his clothes are as comfy as this,

despite having a wardrobe full of loungewear.

I'm hoping Lou will back me up.

It's a towel dress.

It's a towel dress.

Yeah, it is a version of towel dressing gowns.

For reference, please see the hideous robe.

Yes.

Oh, no.

I say, actually, I prefer that to a dressing gown.

I do not.

I...

My husband was walking around in a towel dress.

I would prefer that to a dressing gown.

But I think your scarf would be dressing gowns

from the first house.

From my first house.

Yes.

So because that bothers me a hell of a lot.

No.

And the dressing gowns.

I'd rather that.

I don't want to see a man in a dressing gown.

I don't want to see my husband in a dressing gown

in the middle of the day.

Either.

No, that's a hard now as well.

So that is weird.

Is it?

Let's see if Barbara is weirder.

Hello, Animo.

Currently on the mat leave.

And your rant spunts and explicit content

is keeping me very sane.

Please keep me now and give me the granny name of Barbara.

I've only just entered 2025 in the world of Joanna.

So I hope you still doing this weirder of the week in 26.

We are.

But I need to know a fine word since giving birth

to my little boy three months ago,

I've developed two tiny hemorrhoids.

They don't cause many discomforts.

I haven't really made any great efforts to get rid of them.

When I'm in the shower,

I find nothing more satisfying than giving them

a little poke and a fiddle.

As I said, they don't have.

Just find it quite fun.

Is that weird?

Love the puddle and all that jazz.

I mean, I've had a couple of farmers in my life,

but I definitely don't give them a poke.

But who's it's painful?

Poking them.

What's that?

Poking the fire.

Poking the fire.

Poking the fire.

I've never had hemorrhoids.

I'm very lucky.

I've got them after giving birth to Anzo.

I mean, even that aside,

it's still the dressing gown that's bothering me a lot, actually.

I don't like that dressing gown.

I think that the dressing gown would bother me more

than like you poking your own ass.

No, I don't.

The dressing gown is affecting the relationship.

The relationship.

It's reflecting on the bed.

Imagine trying to have a shaggy and he's lifting up his little dress.

Oh, it's a dress.

It's lifting up his dress.

Why is there something quite sexy about a nice little kind of like trackie?

Like if it's long as it's a nice one.

There's something quite sexy about a nice trackie.

Not that.

Okay, so we're crowning.

The towel dressing gown.

A fender.

The towering dress, man.

Yeah.

That's the weirdo of the week this week.

Well done.

I'm not ranting this week,

because we've gone on for quite a while.

And also, I'm quite mellow.

I love that.

Mellow and yellow.

That's how we all think.

It was all yellow.

So that is it.

It is.

This week's Luana the Pod.

Don't worry.

We will be here on Monday.

But you don't have to wait until then, because on Thursday,

we do of course have Luana totally extra.

And for that, in the words of that Winston Churchill,

we need you.

We need you.

You can send your emails in.

Luana, I.

Everything Luana.

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