Hold Yourself to Your Own Standards {Ep 206}

0:00Welcome to Tuesday Talks with Darlene Podcast, the show that goes deep into the topics of spirituality, intuition, the sharkers and business. I will be building on the traditional knowledge of all of these and being a rebel by busting myths. There will be solo episodes and also episodes with guests. I'm your host, Darlene. Let's get started. Welcome to this episode of Tuesday Talks with Darlene. Thank you for subscribing, liking, sharing, combining all of that beautiful stuff that helps me. Today I want to talk about holding yourself to your own standards, not other people. Because it's easy to lose your way when you're

1:05constantly watching what everyone else is doing and I've been there, I've done it occasionally, it still comes up and I'm grateful because it reminds me and I've got the awareness. It can make you question your pace, your choices or even your direction and that's another thing that happened to me as well working with a coach. I don't have anything bad to say about anyone because I don't do that. That's just not what I do. Now this episode is about coming back to your standards, your timing and your definition of success, not the ones on Instagram, not what you coach says, not the industry or even your peers you've been told to follow. So what if there's nothing wrong with how you're doing it? What if you're not off track like people tell you you are,

2:06you're just listening to your own timeline. So I need to think about it because you don't want to listen to a timeline that was never yours. You listen to your own. Now your way doesn't have to look like this. This is something I learned the hard way. We all build our lives under different circumstances. I have two sisters. We grew up in exactly the same household, all the same things and we're all very, very different. There is different energy, different values and different responsibilities. I really do get over those so-called people, legurus and everything that tell you, you have to get up before I am and you have to do this, this

3:06and this and this. Yet you might be somebody that has children. You might be somebody that has other responsibilities. You might be caring for someone. You cannot do what they do because they have no responsibilities. Think about that. Do not look at them and think, well, if they can do what they can do. Not when you've got different responsibilities. Somebody else's pace doesn't mean anything about yours. Think about the fact that you're looking at somebody and their pace seems to move really quickly. It doesn't mean they're doing it better and it doesn't mean that moving slowly means you're doing it wrong. For me, I actually had to learn how to slow down so that I actually got my foundations solid because when I do go and I am definitely growing,

4:12then I've got those ready. They're actually ready to sustain that growth. That's what's important. When you're building a business, it has to fit your life, not their expectations. If you've got a coach, mental, whatever that is telling you what to do and you're thinking, hang on, you, you don't have any of what I've got. They've got expectations. You can't live up to their expectations because you know what matters to you. That is what should shape you, the way you work, live and create. What matters to you is what is important. Your values, the way you want to live life, the way you want to grow your business, whatever you want to do,

5:17like I know there are so many business coaches out there that tell everyone that they've got to get to 10k months and then 20 and 30. I know of people that want to have their business, provide them with an income that is enough for them. They don't want to be millionaires, multi-millionaires, not everyone wants to be. So if your coach is telling you that you've got to do that, maybe it's time to find a new coach. And comparing makes it harder to see clearly. The more that you compare yourself to others, the more fog that there is going to be. Because when you keep watching somebody else's path, you'll start second-guessing things that were actually working for you. That's what happened with my niche. I followed a coach because she told me what I should be doing. When I actually left that coach's program and came back to me and what I knew was right,

6:23is what things changed, things changed for the better. Because I know what is right for me. And that leads to the next point. Decide what matters to you. You don't have to follow a formula. You get to decide what success looks like and feels like for you. And when you've got all of those formulas out there, and everyone's saying, if you follow my formula, this is going to happen. I've seen it recently where someone says, if you follow my formula, you're going to get a 10,000 launch, like $10,000 launch or whatever. No. They are further along in their journey. They have much more social proofs. They have many more clients than everything. So when they launch, it does that. And guess what? Not every launch that they say does that, actually does that. There's a lot on social media that is actually low. And I'm calling it out.

7:24So what you see isn't always the truth. When you see people say, oh, I made this much profit this month. Did they though? Because when you look at your numbers, when you look at your finances, you need to take everything into account, including your own wage that you may not be taking out. And so the profit that they say may actually be three quarters less than what they say. So please, don't listen to what's on social media, except for me, of course. Only joking. And I want you to set your own version of progress. As I said, I slowed down, because I needed my foundations to be really solid. What are you working towards? And how do you want to feel as you go? None of this hustle mentality, and you've got to do this, and you've got to do that. I know I can't remember any name, but you're really famous for the 4am

8:28club. Like, I don't mind getting up early, 4am, no way in half. Sometimes I'll get up early to see the sunrise, and I used to do that a lot. It'll happen again when I'm ready. But I'm not going to get up at 4am. That's too early for me. And my body tells me when to rest, how much sleep, etc. And success can be steady, simple or quiet, because as I said, not everyone wants to be a millionaire or a multi-millionaire, or even a hundred thousand, or even 50,000. What if you want, say an extra 20,000 a year? What if that's all you want? Yet you're following coaches in that to say, you've got to get 10k months, and then you've got to get 10k weeks, and blah, blah, blah. That doesn't align with what you want. So again, success can be steady, simple or quiet. It might look like more time with your family. It might mean feeling calm when you work.

9:34It might just mean being proud of how you showed up. And I'm proud of how I shop every day. If that means all I do is do two posts for that day, guess what? That is progress, and I'm proud of it. And I want you to be honest with yourself. There's no point chasing that goal that doesn't even matter to you. Say what you want, and stop pretending it has to look impressive. Oh, look at me, I've done this, this, and this. Don't chase what doesn't matter to you. That's why when you work with the right coach, you grow, and you grow in beautiful ways that are aligned to you. And what I want you to think about is stop performing for approval. This is one thing I'm going to be curious about, one thing that I really had to let go of.

10:39I was looking to others for approval. Because if you're always waiting for someone else to validate your choices even silently, you'll never feel solid in what you're doing. You don't need anybody else's approval. You just need your own approval. The most grounded work comes from knowing what matters to you. When you make decisions based on what's true for you, not what people expect, then things still start to feel a lot lighter. I make a line decisions now. I make decisions that are aligned for me and for my business and following my north star. I make sure that those decisions keep me following my north star. Because it feels right for me, and it feels amazing when you do that.

11:42Now, I had to come to the decision that there was nothing wrong with the way that I'm doing my business, the way that I'm running my business. I don't follow trends. I'm not scaling fast. Yes, that's going to happen. That's why I'm one of my foundations solid. And you don't have to explain to anybody out there while you're doing it differently. Who cares what anybody else thinks? What you do is nobody else's business. If you've got family, partner, or whatever, then yes, that's a different thing. But if you're like me and it's my life and no one else's, then I'm not going to explain anything. Because when you move quietly, it's still movement. You're still moving. You don't have to get out there on social media and shout your progress. Like I see so many people.

12:45What matters is that it's real to you. You won't see me on social media going blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you know, like putting myself out there and going look at all the progress I've made. That is not who I am. I don't need to tell anyone what progress I've made. Whose business is it up there? And I'm going to leave you with this. You don't need to keep chasing someone else's version of progress. You can choose your own pace, you can define your own success, and I really wish that you would do that. And you can live by your own standards. And that's more than enough. Because you're being invited to come back to your own voice, your own standards, and your own way. That's the only version that was ever going to work. Thank you so much for watching and listening, and I'll see you on the next episode. Are you interested in learning how to receive, trust,

13:52and believe your intuition so that you can use it within your business? Click the link in the description to book in a free connection call. And let's chat about how we can work together. Thank you for listening to Chuseau Talks with Darlene. Before we go, I would love for you to show some love for your favourite podcast. And yes, that is mine by leaving a review on your preferred podcast player. Wishing you a beautiful day, wherever you are on this gorgeous list.