Hollywood Horror Stories w/ Jim Breuer | Your Mom's House Ep. 849

Mommies, I am doing stand-up a very limited run.

I will be in Irving, Texas, April 24th and 25th, May 14th through 16th in Denver, Colorado

at Comedy Vax, and then Chicago, Illinois, September 18th through 19th at the Den,

theater, ChristinaP.com for tickets.

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How dooms get more done.

Hello, Mommies. It is me, ChristinaP.

Tim Segura is in California filming bad thoughts too, but with me is fucking, I'm so pumped.

Guys, put your hands together for the Jim Brewer!

The Jim Brewer. How cool are you?

You're so funny, and I'm like, I'm a little star-struck, can you?

Really? Yeah. Wow, okay.

I love you. I love you. Thank you.

I love your silly face. You've got like the best silly eyes, and like,

I think it's from, I think it's just from watching too many cartoons as a kid.

It's just imitating everything I watched, that's all.

Is that it? Is that was that your inspiration for comedy cartoons?

No, I think it was being a fat kid.

You're fat?

It was fat. I was 82 pounds in kindergarten, and the only reason I remember that is because

I had to go to the nurse, and they would, it was me, Sally Enkastello, and Noel Garzan,

three of the fattest kids in kindergarten, and the nurse would come and ask for all three of us,

and then I got on the scale, it was 82 pounds, and I remember being in front of my,

my nanny's house, and the older kid was on his bike, he's like, oh my god, how fat are you?

How much you weigh? I don't know, it was like 82 pounds.

He had to tell someone, but there was no one in the street, that's why I remember it was 82 pounds.

He looked for somebody. He's like, I've got some evidence to confirm.

There we have it. Yeah. Yeah, why are you so fat?

I think honestly, because I had an Italian, so my parents were really blue collar.

My mom was, my dad was gone at six, eight, five, five A.M. He's gone.

What did he do?

Sentitation. Oh, wow. Yeah, there were war war two error parents.

People think grandparents know my parents were super late in having me.

My mom would always, like in her 40s, when she had me, she had martini's that tell me,

like, yeah, we were supposed to abort you. What?

Because people, they don't have children in her 40s, there's something come out.

They said, something's coming wrong with him, and we didn't, I didn't know if they had you or not,

but they had you and thank God.

Besides your eyes, there's nothing around you. Thank you, mom.

No, but so they would drop me off the morning. Yeah.

And the lady, all I can guess is she was Italian. Mary, she was like my second mom. I still,

I still think of her. And I think because I was just a wild animated, high energy kid,

she was just like, oh my God, he's kidding. No, shut up.

You know, say here, you have ear cake, ear burger, ear fresh foam, my God, he's kidding.

I'll stop. Yeah. And I would get, so I'd go to school, come home from school around three.

She said, you got to be hungry. She make burgers three, four days a week.

She'd make meatballs, she'd make cake. Then I'd get dessert.

Well, now, when I go home, I know I'm going to get another dessert.

And another dinner, yeah. Another dinner. So my mom, like, you hungry? Like, yeah, who need?

Has each week goes by? I'm a cheesecake bigger, my breasts are getting bigger.

I don't know what's going on. Me? I don't know. So yeah. So that's, that's how it.

Did you have siblings? Yeah, but they were much older. Oh, okay. So you were, you were the late.

So all my nieces, like, for instance, on this tour, my niece,

who I've had out on tour, every time I go on tour, it's like the therapy tour. I bring, I bring,

like, okay, you, you have issues with some toxic things. Why don't you come with Uncle Jeremy

and we try to straighten us down? You're so much and I saw, then I had like a nephew. Oh,

you're out of prison. Let's try to bring you back in the way.

Let's hear another one. Okay, let's try to help. So I was super close with all my nieces and

nephews because they're all within two years of me. So the nieces that I have meet me in LA,

she's a couple years younger and I used to bring her and they'd be like, yeah, you're a niece.

She's my niece. She's my sister's kid. She's like 70. Yeah. Wow. Does it work? Did it straighten them out?

Bringing them on the road?

nephews worked very well. The niece did well. She's doing well now. They go through. They go through.

God damn, don't tell me. You have kids. Yeah, you have kids. Yeah, what do you have?

I have two boys. They're seven and ten and what you're talking about is right. Like, if you don't

put a bra, bra, I know. Seven and ten puts your feet up. Because that's this is where you're at right now.

No, really? This is, this is a huge part.

That's it now. Let's just enjoy this. They're seven and ten. Yeah. You're in a great spot.

I'm having fun with them. Actually, I throw them in the car every weekend. We go on adventures.

I travel with them. We laugh. No, it, it, they're fucking crazy, though. And if I don't get them

activity, the little one will just stuff his face to a snack since all the older one. Candy,

candy, food, food. Well, boys, too, they need non-stop outdoor entertainment, climbing,

yes, biting, yes, eating things they should eat all day, breaking things. They just want to break.

We just, you know, we did this weekend. We just threw rocks, fell on the lake, and we just

threw rocks. And I just throw fucking rocks. And I said there, we fed squirrels. Like, my little,

my little guy can actually feed squirrels with his hands. Yes. And the parlor just go. Just get

bitten. I don't care. That's what you gotta do with boys. I know. They wild dogs. They're

size of trees. Okay, good. Just tree. And get them moms are off to like, don't cut, let them

climb. Let them climb. Let them fall loses breath. Of course. You lost your breath. It's okay.

It's a lesson. So good. Well, I'm Eastern European mom. So I do encourage them to be boys,

because I don't want gray baby pussies to not grow up and be soft men. I don't like this.

So I do encourage them to be fighting and pushing and playing. Picking. I love it. I like that.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. They come, little sheep, and we

just look, close. Close. You German, you Germany.

You German, N. Bruaia. Bruaia. Bruaia. What's Breaia? Bruaia. Bruaia. Bruaia.

Bruaia. Bruaia. Bruaia. It's an Umblaut. Yes. Let's see. In one, your

Yeah, I left that place going, I am Breuer and no longer Breuer, you will call me Breuer.

Yeah, you enter Germany. Many times, I love it there.

Where are you guys from, what part?

I don't know, I still haven't figured that out.

I've been looking at my dad's death certificate and his dad's stem, like, where are we from?

No.

But according to them, I'm somewhere in North Germany.

Okay, North of Germany or Northern Germany.

No, Northern Germany.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I couldn't see that because you have such pretty blue eyes.

I would say, I think so.

If it's okay, not disrespect on side blush.

Not disrespect on Mr.

Well, you're from a good European family.

Let's start the show.

We haven't even started the show, really, because we've been chatting.

I have so much fun with you.

You're just like a, you're just like, what?

We haven't even been record yet.

Oh, we haven't been record yet.

We haven't been record yet.

We haven't been record yet.

We haven't been record yet.

We haven't been record yet.

We haven't been record yet.

We haven't even been record yet.

Oh, we haven't record yet.

Oh, we haven't record yet.

Oh, okay.

We have to do, we have to do our opening clip.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

So just like I said, I'm sure your cool parents would have liked this.

So here you go.

Hi.

Can you tell me about your dog?

This is Honey.

He is a gay gender fluid Golden Retriever Afghan Hamid.

Yes.

How did you know that he was gay?

We have another dog named Charlie.

He's about seven years older than Honey.

And they are completely inseparable.

Oh, hi.

Happy Pride.

Okay, well, that's the gossip.

This is a big gang.

Oh, it's Randy.

That's bringing one love into this.

No love in the fuck is there.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

With Tom Sakura.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Man.

Welcome to your house.

How did you know he was gay?

Hahaha.

Hahaha.

Because he went, oh, woof.

Hahaha.

Woof.

Hahaha.

Woof.

Hahaha.

We noticed he really decorated his area very well.

He was so clean with his stumps.

Could you imagine this stupid as your mom?

Hahaha.

This dumb fuck in her stupid shorts.

This is your owner.

And you're like, I'm just, be not to be on the street.

He's a non-binary dog.

We don't let him pick his gender because it's his right.

That's what it is.

And we think this dog is gay because you should see how he decorates his little sitting area.

He's a gradable.

We're pretty convinced it's gay.

And he tries to always, you know, take on the other dog.

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You, Matt, isn't this wild gym?

I think you and I grew up in a different world.

Oh, way different.

We're like way different.

And what's scarier is how people try to then certain people try to convince me I'm the nut.

Yeah.

You're an asshole.

They're not.

You're insensitive.

You're not inclusive because you think that this is fucked up for the for the hundreds of thousands of years of like a male bug with the female bug, a male tree with the female tree.

And this now we're like, no, it's non-binary.

And I'm not going to determine what my child affected.

I'll let them pick it at three.

I'm pretty sure my three year old's gay because when I pick my pinky and they're kind of like that.

It's how I clean and he puts a fit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I know.

You're anti baby lover.

What?

Thai baby lover.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a pretty fucking wild.

Well, it's also one of these two.

Wow.

We will go there.

No, go there.

You can go.

I'm always like this.

Let's go.

And I'll come back up.

Okay.

So you notice how everyone in Hollywood's transgender.

Is it their kids?

Or they adopted and started hitting them when they were younger?

Let's start with Woody Allen.

Okay.

That's his kid and his own kid.

Everyone's like, he's genius.

No one's talking about the fact that he's.

Oh, get the Chinese kid.

You ever notice the most biggest people in power just happen?

All right.

I've said enough.

You're right.

I'm a conspiracy theorist.

That's why I left the business long time ago.

I didn't see nothing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's fucking crazy.

Why don't we talk about this all the time that Woody Allen married his fucking stepdaughter,

bro?

Yeah.

When do you think that started?

You ever hear that?

You ever hear the, um, people just don't talk about that was, yes, former stepdaughter.

Okay.

So, Jimmy, what about the little Asian kid?

He started to happen that he adopted.

Wait, isn't that her?

Is that her?

I can't see.

I can't see.

That's my that's Sydney Previn.

And yes, he, when he was with the wife, the, you know, me if they adopted, I think this

child child child.

So he was the father for a while.

And then they divorced.

And then he was like, well, she's still kind of hot.

It's good hot.

I used to change her.

I used to watch her dress.

Yeah, yeah, he's genius. He's a genius. He's work is incredible. He's a whole cycle's work. Absolutely incredible. Well, too, and if you look at the theme of his movies, which I do, it's usually the theme of middle-aged man.

Yeah, he's genius. He's a genius. He's incredible. He's a whole cycle's work. Absolutely incredible. Well, too, and if you look at the theme of his movies, which I do, it's usually the theme of middle-aged man finds redemption through young pussy.

Narotic, young Jew finds redemption through what? Pussy? It's the same fucking thing. I don't know. My world is so crazy. Yeah, and then he's, I don't know. I can just fuck my stepdaughter.

Yeah, I'll adopt a girl from China, and then I'll bang her when my wife is around our groomer, and then when she's not around, I'll play my donkey. I'm a genius.

They love playing with their donkey. I didn't know that was inappropriate. I love your donkey sound. Yeah, don't you find to like all these fucking creeps in the Epstein files, and like this is just a lack of self-control, bro.

Like, be a fucking human. What is this? Well, that also just shows you how, well, I don't know how far you've gone with the Epstein stuff, but I was looking at it.

As soon as it seems like when COVID hit, a lot of things hit the internet. Yeah, all these other little places to go. Now, I knew already just from SNL and stuff like that, just things were weird.

Tell me. Tell me. I would see. I want to hear this. You know, it's one time I saw a young male hooker. You know what? I can't buy fat. Say it was a hooker. Allegedly. It was a young man. And I remember going home to my wife going, I don't know if this teenager was of age. What I just saw. I don't just like, what happened? He came in and he's like, he's walking down the hall. And he's clearly.

Yeah, not a, not a baseball put that in. What did you get the point? Yeah, and he goes, I'm looking for a Kevin Spacey's room. Kevin Spacey's? Yes.

Uh, just dresser rooms are over there. You know, and then you hear like, what's going on?

Yeah, amongst, amongst other. I just couldn't believe how the public had no clue about so many, just so many people in general. It's really, it's the, it's really.

I tell you what, Jim, I'm one of those people that I'm a little naive. And I didn't, I didn't really know either. Like, yeah, I've been in showbiz. Like I worked on, I was not on SNL.

So I feel like you really were in the heart of darkness, probably on a lot of stuff. Um, I saw some stupid shit, which is why I live here. And my circle's pretty clean. Like the, the people I kick it with are not.

Or do anything. Right. Mine is still broke.

Same, same, same friends I've had since I was 14 fucking years old. And then comics that I've known for 20 some years.

Correct. I know I still have everyone that grew up on the street with me in Long Island. Yeah, those and then my high school. And then even I don't even.

Yeah, that's really the main core because they're the ones always going to be honest. That's so important.

They're the ones ones things start to happen. You know, my friend like, well, we've got new shoes now. Yeah.

Oh, like we're like bright colors all of a sudden. You're like, hey, I do one podcast also on a big shot. You think you're better than me? Yeah.

I got a different. Yeah, it's a little shiny.

All right.

I know because your real friends do not fucking care. No, they don't care. They never fucking care about any of this. You're still, I'm still fat Jimmy.

When did you get not fat?

Um, I, uh, when I started discovering girls. So this is around puberty. Yeah.

puberty is like, uh, I'm only seen to be getting the Filipino chick Josephine who's cute.

But I need to expand my variety here.

That is such a type, dude. That's so funny. You just like.

That's such a type. I know your timeout. It's that one girl who's not she's not like unfortunate. Like she's not ugly.

She's not like, she's not like with the big tits in eighth grade that everybody wanted to bang probably bleep out.

Oh, that was a real person.

My was just, yeah.

Should we be saying these people's last name?

Fat people's names in their kid. They could be trauma. They might have something horrible might happen.

Yeah.

So you saw, you saw the semi hot Filipino chick and you were like, she liked me. I can do better.

Oh, oh, no, she liked me. And I just knew I'm not gonna be able to keep this up. I got to step up.

And we never, we never, and I was too shy. That was way too. So I was extremely shy.

Yeah. Extremely shy. I'm not good with the kid.

How long have you married?

32 years. Three girls. Oh shit.

Yeah, that's why I said you're where you're at in life.

Yeah, tell me.

Once they hit, well, boys, I don't really know. I think, I think boys are gonna gravitate to you.

Yes.

Yeah, because that's usually the law, the law is the girls turn on mom and the teenage years.

Yeah.

And then their next plan is dividing conquer. They basically become politicians and the news.

Did you hear what's going on with dad? Yeah, when you're not around, I'm just saying, you might want to keep an eye on that.

He's getting a little crazy. You know, like, what's going on?

Oh, yeah. He's always saying thing like what's going on?

Mom's crazy. Really. His package is showing up every day.

She has an addiction when you leave the house. What?

Does she ask you about the donation? She gives a church. How much does she give?

Yeah.

I'm the same. I've been with the same dude since before my space.

Do you know what I mean? Like before?

Well, so you too, 32, I'm like 22 years.

Well, I was married on Sunday life.

Was that hard because you were like famous, newly famous and young and...

Here's why it's hard.

Yeah.

It was hard and easy at the same time, easy because it really, she helped.

I'm very loyal. So before even sending it live, she would go on this journey with me everywhere.

So when I was playing in New York City, we couldn't afford parking and garage at doing seven, eight sets.

So she would wait outside the club.

You know, try to roll up on third street, McDougall.

And then I come off stage, hop in the car, then we drive uptown New York.

Go do up there, turn it, and this would go every weekend until 3, 4 a.m.

and we drive back to Long Island.

We had 200 bucks when we got married.

Same with Tom and I. Literally.

Yes, that's that exact amount.

And as we were counting the money when we got married, we were like,

oh my god, we're up to 5,000 dollars.

At first, we would just get rid of all our credit.

And then we started over.

And my car got stolen.

So when we woke up for the wedding, right?

This is really funny.

The night before my best friends, we went out one last time.

I still had all my toxes and I had my honeymoon stuff,

which is really sad and pathetic where we went.

Where'd she go?

So I couldn't afford anything.

And I knew she liked horses.

So one gig I did was this place called The Rocking Horse Ranch in Upstate New York.

It is, it's not like Montana.

Yeah, yeah.

Whereas 10 grand a person and you're eating three meals at it.

This is family, round table.

It's not a honeymoon place.

She liked horses.

So it was like 700 bucks.

Spending a lot for a honeymoon.

It's a fortune when you're...

This is hope you know what you're getting.

So we parked the car.

The next morning, I wake up.

Now, thank god.

Thank god for my friend Phil the night before he said,

you got to grab the toxes and stuff and bring up to you.

I'm not.

No one's taking anything.

Who's taking anything?

I'm going to bring the toxes just in case.

Well, thank god he did that.

Because the next day we walked out and I'm like...

No.

Is the...

Where are we parked right here?

No, dude.

Yeah, I'm like, wait.

Where's my car?

Oh my god.

And thank...

Thank god he took the toxes out and I call my wife that day.

Like, you sitting down.

She's like, are you backing out?

No.

But the car got stolen.

It's like, I don't know what I'm about.

Like, don't worry about it.

It took a car.

Yeah.

Yeah, so...

I found it a couple days later.

They trashed it.

They went to White Castle.

They went to Dance Clubs.

But they didn't take the tennis records.

Which explained a lot about them.

I'm just saying.

They weren't into tennis.

They were...

That's all they left.

Just White Castle.

That's all they left.

Shrimp.

One nibblers.

Wow.

Yeah.

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Wow, she really loves you.

So she's been loyal to when SNL came along.

You know, you'd see a sitcom hottie or musician hottie.

And I wouldn't think I'd love it until someone would come along and go,

hey, someone's so just asked how married are you.

Are you serious right now?

I could have had that.

But that's all just in your head and you go, oh god, thank god.

Thank god, thank god, because we've had quite a journey already.

Yes, I'm really loyal too.

I think my mother would be like, you are too loyal.

We're the anomalies and like Bert and Lee and Kreischer have been together forever.

There's not a lot of people to have.

No.

I just don't have the desire to destroy your life.

To destroy my life.

Not only that, but I also grown up young.

Like I said, I had a lot of nieces and nephews and stuff.

So we were a very close family.

And the first time I watched a divorce go down was my sister.

And I saw the effects from my nieces that were only two years younger than me.

So it's sort of like my sisters.

Yeah.

And that, even though I was an uncle, it was very traumatizing for me to watch

those girls go through that emotion.

And I saw it was all from the beginning of a broken home that started very ugly.

Yeah.

You know, he was not for me to say, but like he, yeah, wasn't a pretty picture.

He got a little crazy for whatever reasons that he was going through in life.

But to witness it was pretty intense.

And then, you know, there was one other one where sister and that broken up.

And the father was never round for those kids.

And so I, the people closest to me, I saw the effects of broken families.

Yeah.

And I was like, I would never do this to my kids.

Fucking never.

Never ever.

I've had the step parents.

I've had a few pairs now.

I think my dad's on his fourth.

My fourth mom, my fourth step mommy, even know anymore.

And like, it sucks.

It's never, it's okay.

Well, yeah.

It's not great.

So like even when I go visit my nieces and our whole life is going over there and we play forever.

And then that's like stepkids are in here.

Oh, not.

Who are them?

Who are you?

Who are these two kids?

Yeah.

Well, not only that, like you find that when they divorced, my parents divorced.

And then they would just remarry the same person essentially, different form, same shit, different toilet, over and over,

because they hadn't done any kind of work on themselves in between it.

So even if you do blow your life up, you're just going to marry the same fucking bitch,

which is what I tell Tom Sagura all the time.

I love you.

I love you, dummy.

You're mine.

I will not divorce.

Like I will never fucking write out no.

And so how do you guys work out things because?

What do you mean work out?

I tell him what it is.

It is what I tell him.

Well, because clearly you go through extremely hard times.

Yeah.

Especially parenting.

Yeah, it's a drag.

It fucks up your marriage, yeah.

Who's the good cop?

You're the good cop or is he the good cop with the kids?

No.

We switch places on that, but he's more a good cop, yeah.

He's more a good cop.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you're going to have serious issues once they're teenagers because they become more

of a, they, they, they, they're going to go to him to fucking finagle out.

Like officer, listen, that bitch in the other room is unreasonable.

She's crazy.

Oh, you know that.

You know that.

You see the way she talks to you.

Am I right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You see the way she talks to you.

Oh, I know.

And dad, we're always like, mom shouldn't talk to you that way.

He's so dispelful.

You're a good human.

You're not bad.

She's going to see what she says to her friends.

I know, I know.

Like that.

Listen, but this could have been you.

Okay, just watch this and see if this is something like an imperial universe this could

have been you, right?

Girls come in.

Yes, buddy.

This is Brenda, aka B goofy.

One, this is Samantha, aka Bean 2, and this is Adriana aka Age 3.

I see.

age three. I control my three partners 24 7. Age? Age? Age? And like, I control?

Well hold on, let's see. You have learned a lot who has not one but two girlfriends.

We've been together now for over 10 years. You have married for nine.

We had actually talked about bringing other women into a relationship pretty often.

So cool. Even from the beginning and we wanted to figure out how to best make our relationship work.

Whatever daddy wants, daddy gets.

Oh and she's never had a penis.

She's full-blown. I met daddy seven years ago and actually we're at the same company.

I met daddy in October of 2023 and we met online.

I have not been in a relationship of this kind.

And we neither. Daddy was my first real relationship all together.

So that's that's she was a boy. She was a boy.

There's no way that voice is real. That was a boy.

Which one? Hold on. These are like these kids were shipped in.

They had to like pick off that penis. Let's put it out there, put it in the public eye.

We got it. We're really killing with this propaganda. Let's go.

Is this a show? No, this is a light. This is a real life.

This is from where, though, because it's.

Hold on. Hold on. Yeah. Wait. What is this from?

Josh.

Okay.

We have a YouTube channel. I think you're letting me pull it up for you.

Yeah, bro. You're on YouTube.

Jim Brewer has a YouTube channel.

And just how crazy they have 40 million followers. How that happened.

Oh.

Soon we will control.

We'll control other jandas.

We could show the minds of Americans and then some.

Do you think this is this show? Do you think this is Hollywood controlling?

Yes.

Yeah. This is the propaganda.

Yes. Just bang whoever.

Yes. Do whatever.

Yeah.

This is exactly.

Love, don't judge.

Because if you, if you don't agree with this,

your judgmental, your, your piece of shit.

Yeah.

I will gladly be the piece of shit in judgmental.

Him maybe was a minute.

The female. I don't buy one bitch.

The female whole life.

The one girl attacks like that.

That was a boy's voice that they changed.

There's no way.

I've been like daddy.

I'll tell ya.

Daddy is my first one. I should shop.

And you'll never guess like I get unlimited lattes for doing this YouTube channel.

At Starbucks.

And if I don't make it on the show,

I get to be one of the people that make it.

Because they accept my kind.

But I don't want to change my hair.

I don't want to change my hair.

I like the color of my hair.

Dada.

Wait. So wait.

So daddy has just these three pigs that he's with.

Who else is he?

So it's these three.

Do you see my three slaves that volunteered?

There's more.

So yeah, this is a channel.

It's a show all about people in crazy relationships.

So this was just one episode of that.

Is this where we're at?

Is this society?

Is there really anyone at home board going?

No. No.

Wait a minute.

This is the show I've been waiting for.

It's a show I've been waiting for.

Yeah.

You're talking about it.

I love this stuff.

I love this.

I love watching this.

Well, because I've been.

I get so disappointed because I get faked out.

But I do think these three are just in like a weird sex thing, right?

This is just like some weird.

It's a weird.

Yeah, it's called drug them showing pornography.

Steal them.

Mine control them.

Oh, that's what's going on here.

This guy.

Daddy?

This is this is preferred.

There's no way.

This is real.

There's no way.

Okay.

More.

Let's see more.

Do we have more?

Yeah.

I only have this short.

I control my three partners 24 seven.

We go back.

I want to see if there's Adam apples on a 24 seven.

The outfits are fully approved.

Everyone is location tracked.

I have access to all of their messages, all of their communications.

I get that to eat.

Oftentimes, they'll eat out of dog bowls.

This is a copy of the contract that they all have with me.

I was absolutely willing to do so.

I'm here to serve him, and that's part of my service.

I don't worry about losing my independence.

I don't think I really even think about me.

It depends.

It doesn't mean much to me.

So is this like Israel and America?

It sounds like the same thing.

We control everything the way they dress.

We listen everything they say.

And we will determine what goes on with their lives.

Yes, you've heard it straight.

But honestly, too.

I mean, doesn't this sound like an absolute nightmare as a man to deal with three

brods and to control them all the time?

And here's what you're going to.

I don't want to pick out my kids clothing.

Why would I want to pick out another adult's clothing every day?

I don't have a desire to control anything or anybody.

My wife spent years trying to control our teenage daughters.

Yeah.

It was a die zest her.

And just there's still repercussions of her.

Oh, my God.

That was bad.

It's okay.

We're back in it.

We're back in it.

No.

Yeah.

No.

These people need to have kids.

Just be.

See, I think this is an argument for the traditional life.

Because if you do get married and have kids to deal with and a job and a life,

you're not putting collars on girls and calling them daddy.

You know what I mean?

You need a fucking direction, man.

Dude.

People need a fucking direction.

We all need to live in Africa and the bush for two months to get back to what real humanity

is supposed to be.

Oh, that's a great idea.

There's no chipping.

There's no social media.

They don't know about anything.

They don't drop our presence name.

They're like, I love it.

Are they boy?

You know, the guy, the guy, the guy right here, they got it.

They got it.

They got it.

But I got it and they just, they live life.

It's normal.

It's normal.

A boy girl, he hunts.

She's like putting beads together.

There is no collars.

There's no dad going where are you going?

Where are you going in the bush?

Where are you going?

I pulled tracker on you.

I know.

We've lost our minds.

We've lost our fucking minds.

We have gender fluid dogs and he's not that cute.

Like he's not a catch that that's what really kills me is that this guy is not a fucking catch

Well because what you don't see is the the nine millimeter he's got under the sweat

That's what my husband always says about these types, but there's no way you think this guy's packing a hog

Yeah, I mean look at the happiness in his eyes

He's just he's so happy and look at her

Yeah, I'm fine from one bitch. He didn't have an Adam's apple. No disrespect to her

But I have a lot of questions. That's all

So much time so much time to dedicate to their sex lives. I could you even imagine having this much time to dedicate to just being horny

It's like it's a fucking 24-7

horny job. It's a lot. It's a lot of investment to put in your donkey and and I mean

It's all you're doing here. I mean my guy he whistles

Once he whistles he's good for for a lot for a little while, right?

Okay, that'll hold me over for like nine days

Exactly, you're gonna have to look at you go on. It's out of 24-7 cycle

Of like I'm gonna fuck I got a fuck again. I got I got to think about fucking now now

I got it about her I got dress her to the fucker later. I got to put the collar on her

I got to feed her out of a dog bolst like I fuck her later like what do we what is this?

What is this?

Anyway jimper and you watch this. I don't I will I will I want to watch the gay hockey players

Uh gay hockey players. I'm really into gay guys making out lately. I don't know. We've been watching

You want to see some clips? Do we have some to show you? Hold on dang show some clips Josh

So you know just so you know what I'm talking about I want you to have some context. Do you have those Josh?

From heated rivalry or just other stuff we play? No, just other fun stuff. Just like Jim see what I'm into these days

Do you watch pornography at all? No

You just one time ago. Yeah, but that's another thing what happens is you

It's worse than heroin and it does it does disease your mind and what happens is you go

Why doesn't my wife

Like being strangled and have her hair pulled as I put her in the temple. What is what is wrong with that?

No, I know what you're saying because I do think I listen

Am I a Puritan? No, but I do think that young men are being influenced by pornography

And they don't know how to like just have regular time sex if you're seeing that like in in your 10 or 11 years old

And you think that's like the norm. That's fucking crazy. It is crazy, but that is the norm now and that is that I mean

That's everything is sold to sex. Oh fuck. I watched this um. I'm really into Johnny cash, right? Yeah, so

I saw that he had a TV show and I think the late 60s and and I'm looking all these shows in the 60s that had musicians

And they're just singing

They're just singing right. It's just like so innocent when mom made me biscuits

I love the gravy. We're sitting on the back porch enjoying life

And then how do we go from that to

I know

My pussy my pussy now

Well also, it's crazy is that it's sold as female empowerment, right? Like if I'm empowered. Oh, I should be able to do what boys do and I could

I could suck dicks just like I don't know and it's like yeah, but that's not really the

I don't know is that is that what true empowerment is if I can do things that dudes can do the same way they do them

Is that is that who we really are as women? Yeah, that I can be like my pussy so wet. I suck and dicks

I'm not sure that's the path for us. No, I don't know

No, what are we into we're not into that. I don't I'm not in I'm not gonna brag

About sucking these and stuff. I don't know dude

We're you and I are like the most of type people. How are we comedians? It's you're morally grounded. Oh, right. Yeah

That's true. Okay. Here's what I'm gonna do just just wait a second. Just see if you can go there with me Jim

You guys

Come on man. We're taking a break fuck your break. There's 15 cars here that need to be serviced now get back to it

Listen here fucker. You don't need service around here's our cocks. So get out your knees and bay like a bitch

What what what what do you see right now?

Bouch wow wow chup chup wow wow bouch wow wow chup chow wow

I love and I'm into I'm into black dudes doing it. Do you have any black guy really? Yeah, I don't know what happened

We've been watching these clips because any loves them. He's always asking us to show them

Who who who is any our sound guy here sound guy

Nope, he's always into it and he's suspecting me right now. Nope show one. Let's show one the any loves

Which one you love any any any any and why

Yeah, what kind of name is any he made it up

He's very suspicious and he like he has like oh that's such a new name. He has so many aliases and oh here we go

This is something. Oh, no, here we go. What just just give open hearts. Please

Can someone set up a fart male white orgy for free for me can they invite me somewhere at least

I still ain't get a fart male white porn, but please get someone to invite me to a free fart male orgy

Where I live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Please. I'm addicted to the fart male whites porn. I mean

I'm addicted to a group of fart males a fart a white guy's fart in my face

Please wear jeans and grace wet pants

You wear jeans and great

We wish to get

Hold on aren't you touring right now aren't you gonna be in Pennsylvania? I am going through Pennsylvania. I tell you what I fart a lot

And I'm at the age where it just comes out

My crew can't stand me it like they they have to be nice to me. I know

But I just walk and it comes out and I don't care

Tom does the same thing he tortures all of our employees the staff with but I don't even do it on purpose

I'm just like am I

That the strength of the muscles just I'm 58 who you telling it to I know if I had two children they come right out

I don't give shit

I'm what I'm give shit, but how where is your life?

Think of all the exciting things that you can do in your lifetime

Where did what what is going on in your surroundings that the thing that most excite you

Is to find a white guy that will fart near your face

I would say that life is pretty damn easy because you found the thing that makes you so happy like if it were that simple

Like it makes you nuts. That's where your freak is your freak is so happy though, but you see him walking in and you're going

Oh

Did you eat onions today?

Oh wow

That'd be great that guy's so happy now how is you as you feel you what is when your kids you come home

You come home and you like unspoken us you kids 14 and he's been he's found mom's mom stash

You said you're the one that likes washing this

And at times it'd be like you see what we're not you see you created you found your a stash because what happened to me was

I found fill we found fills dad's tape change the whole course of life. It's dad fills dad's tape

Now one of your kids find his tape and he's sitting there and there's some black guy farting in his face

I

Sorry, can I just change your mind about fills dad's tape do you realize that fills dad?

Jays his deed of that porn so essentially you guys were jaying your d's to the same porn that fills dad

Yeah, but it was pretty good

Oh

Leaders and stuff it was a whole we like it's not as good as this though. I saw what you had. Oh show him what you had up

Show Jim

God

I'm already frightened

What

What's his bra? He's wearing a bra

This should be the new fear factor

I could kick off immediately forget if this is your first piece

Forget bugs and you got to suck the black guys face any guys face. I'm out

You guys got a suck face for 30 seconds. I'm out. That's it. I don't even want my hat

Anyway, I don't even my good use my gum. I hear I listen. I challenge accepted here here. Let's see this

Maybe I need to switch the tone. I think I've set you a little bit. Let's watch us watch this

What happened? You hit a few cars, huh? Oh, no

I know how we can get out of this. No, what are she doing?

What is she? Are you okay? What's wrong? Nothing

Did you hit a few cars? Did you hit a few cars? No

Sure your call looks pretty banged up

You need ambulance

Do you see what she was doing there? Well, she I what she hid under there. She's she's huffin

Look, look, look. Let's start. We got fin look dude. She's got fucking

What is that disc cleaner? You hit a few cars, huh?

She's hoffing

Josh, what is that she's hoffing? What is that like what is?

Is that how you get high? Yeah, it's like duster like computer duster

Like duster like you know, and you clean your keyboard. Yeah people like huff it like you huff it

But I thought you passed out from huffin that stuff. She's staying loose

If you crash the car, right

Yeah, she's dying soon

Run equalize whatever happens just going out and find your and spin yourself to death until you lay down and you spin him for 40 minutes

That's what this is times 10, but imagine getting there without the spinning gym

You're not seeing the positives to this. This is true. I didn't see that. Don't you see the fun? Who I don't know how I missed sucking

Dry cleaner dust

People did what

My pat and this is what happens when you've broken up families. That's little that might not be safe to use

For consumption. There was such a big your house. Oh, yeah. Oh, my wow dang just want to be helpful

So what happened? Oh, I'm such a dad dude

Damn you just saw this chick. Damn. She just passed away

Damn

See that just lost coach and that's why I'm loyal to my wife. I know

That's gonna be I know

Listen, I I don't even know if I'm like

Moral I'm scared of life. I'm afraid of stuff like this

I've seen people do this in high school. This was big in my high school in the valley

But yeah, like disc cleaner like CD discs back in the day

Yeah, people would huff it like I remember one time this boy did it in front of tower records

And then he passed out on the grass and then I thought it was so cool. We started dating like a couple months later

Well, it's like the opposite of good fellas. He's bringing him through the kitchen

Here's the table in the front. You see the guy going

I gotta have this guy

But yeah, that was big drinking robotusson. Did you ever do that you drink a whole bottle? It's called roboing. Did you ever do that any?

And Josh that's a valley

Where your parents around Corona what happened? Look at me. Do you think I've been commenting no other worst parents ever

Wait, what what happens when you drink the whole bottle of robo it does it

I mean you just get fucked up. It's like it's like it's like a drunk basically

Super dry seeing shit if you take enough. It's the big one. It tastes like extra strong one. Oh

nasty

Serious it's like

Why not just drink the real thing

Well, cuz robotusson's got like different chemicals, right? Like it's a mix of um

There's some other shit in there. I don't know

The scientific research

I never had I never went there. Did you have did you do this? No, I never did. No

I don't know why I just always knew it was like crack. I just knew you're not supposed to do well

Did you guys ever do you ever do whippets come on?

I didn't anything that would that I'd see other people their eyes go like yeah, I'm out

Ha

The wippets are fun. Yeah, they're very short term and you just kind of walk, walk, walk, and then you know

And then you're out and then you've killed all your brain cells, but I had no desire

What's my you don't get high? Yeah, that's different. Oh, you take you smoke weed. You're not going

Unless it's laced with something

But unless you're a dumbass and you bought it from the guy behind the dumpster these days

Are you like oh

Okay, well here. Did you go to college?

Did you go to college like an hour? Yeah, I feel like you're I feel like

my my mom really wanted me

To fall back on something and so I

I was really good to believe it or not at accounting, which I wanted nothing to do with of course

Yeah, oh my god, so I did great. I went to community college

And I went man

I'm gonna go into acting. I want to go straight up acting and I'm gonna start doing the standup again

And I'll never forget this the guys. I'm failing horrendously

Don't want to be here and the guy goes okay. This is the last day

Um for anyone that wants to change their major

If you don't change it today if you're failing

You get you get an F you fail if you change your major today

We can you get with draw and you and as he was saying I got up

I sort of got a bit like back time. He's going brewer. What are you doing sit down? I went

This is the last day. Yeah, like I'm at he thought I was kidding the whole time

Even in the doorways are sitting on a classroom's howling brewers so funny

That's what I'm going and I walked right to that right to the theater department

Good for you good for you

Well, I sorry then I must have been confused because I remember like in your SNL days. I think college boys

Loved you yeah like when you're on SNL. They did that was your jam like your demo people

Yeah, they're under the impression. I was a fracked boy. That's right. That's what I thought but I net that

I'm not a frat boy

Not at all and now that I get to know you I'm like oh no, but I would come from

I don't it's

You know not until I don't know just sketches. Whatever. I don't know what you're drinking

Oh, you're drinking because you didn't go boy

Um, yeah, they just loved you. I think it's also vital to be honest, which of course

Like patchy goat boy and like one or two other things but that but yeah, I had this frat boy

Like image, but no, I was the furthest thing from it

Who cares as long as they love you and they did so did you I was gonna say it if you were in a frat

No, if you did this here check this that's out. Oh, and I'll tell you about frats. Okay

You're done this. Oh, yeah

Oh, no

What a fucking asshole. What is it? What is he? It's lime

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I went too

I

First why I've never had desire to be in a fraternity, but in high school

Valley隨bs central high

Stream Central long island. Okay

We, I didn't know this, but there were fraternities in our school.

It was Omega.

It was, uh...

In high school?

Yes.

Alpha.

How?

And Omega.

It got me.

I thought it was normal.

And during the, during the hazing weeks, because my neighbor was a haze, it was, uh,

Hello, Omega.

He was a hazer.

And he would come over and talk about hell nights.

I thought, oh man, we beat the shit out of him.

Brian McKinney last night, man.

He ain't gonna be a walk for three weeks.

I took off one of his nut sacks.

I mean, yeah, and we had pins on it.

We nailed it.

Oh, wow.

All for a jacket.

So you get to wear your jacket.

Wow.

Signed me up.

And then another one, they would say, oh, we'd, we'd, you'd be going to the bathroom.

Yeah.

And they'd be like, a million guys doing push-ups in the hallways.

Yeah.

And then they would light off M80s.

Oh, did you do that, Josh?

Josh was in a fraternity.

So did you do all this shit?

A little, a little less than that.

We weren't doing the explosives and all that, but the same vibe for sure.

Yeah.

So you go in the bathroom and in the store, you're like, oh, my God.

And people are running out.

They're like, oh, yes.

It's hell week.

Oh, yeah.

Um, I was like, I don't think I need to.

Yeah, it's not for you.

It's not for you.

I'm cool.

You don't have to do that, Sean.

Not good, huh?

Yeah.

All right.

All right.

I know the masculine tape comes natural from on.

Natural.

Yeah.

Tell me about your channel.

First of all, you're touring right now.

You should get tickets right now to see Jim on tour.

Find the funny tour.

He's got a tour bus and everything.

Like, it's official.

Shit is on.

It's official.

It's so official, bro.

We've got two kids on my, like, kid.

Yeah.

The kid filming me is 19.

It's not wild that that exists.

You're like, how are you 19?

I'm posting this today.

And I want to make sure this is okay for your storyline.

What?

What's my storyline?

Oh, my God.

It's very important.

Yeah, it's cool tour.

That's cool.

That's kind of fun, right?

Being a road dog.

I haven't done this in a long time.

Yeah.

I haven't done it like 20 years.

I mean, I've been around and I've done runs, but not like 50 cities in two and a half months.

Wow.

Well, you're such a great comic.

You guys really should go see him when he's in your town.

Is you're such a good standup comedian.

Wow, thank you.

It's so fun.

You're so fun to watch.

Very animated, very storytelling.

Yeah.

Very storytelling.

Very storytelling.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Also, you've got your, um, Utah channel.

Yeah.

And that's another reason, like, I'll tour it out and I take a year and a half off.

Yeah.

And I work on new production stuff, which I've never got to do before by myself.

Isn't that great?

Like, you don't even like need the establishment?

Like, you can just do what you want to do now.

I love it.

I love it.

Like, nobody tells you what to do.

No, but it tells you anywhere.

Good for you.

Good for you.

That's so empowering.

That's so empowering.

I look at establishment.

I go.

Do you, are you familiar with TikTok?

Are you on there?

Yes.

I get.

Yes.

You got it.

You got it.

Tell me down.

They do that to me a lot.

You have to just find it.

I know what's going on.

You got to fight the law.

Because you know why?

It's run by the Chinese.

But it's also, it's Squaresville.

These fucking dorks on there will report you.

If you make fun of stuff or would it don't be like, oh, mean language, hate language?

I'm like, it's called comedy.

You stupid piece of shit.

I still don't know what happened.

I don't know.

Are you off permanently?

I just did one in fraction.

I'd have to talk to you.

Have your 19 year old.

Have your gen alpha.

Whatever kid.

They're working there.

Yeah.

So I don't know.

And then we start a new channel.

But yeah, no, I have TikTok.

A rumble.

Okay.

Next.

Okay.

I only, I only present on one platform.

Oh, you're doing the rumble.

That's a, that's a real wild frontier, isn't it?

I get, so I will live stream every Tuesday.

On rumble.

Everywhere.

Oh.

830 Easter.

Everywhere.

If you have X, you have Facebook, Instagram.

Oh.

Well, I guess it's not an Instagram.

For whatever reason, I don't know if it's the most.

But a live stream, they'll take all the clips and they put it everywhere.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Have fun.

Yeah.

Well, I like to be on TikTok.

I like to highlight the marginalized communities.

So these are the outliers people you may not get to see.

Okay.

I love it.

Go.

You got enough.

Ranking my ex girlfriends.

Judy, 5010.

She didn't give me what I wanted.

Gloria, 7 out of 10.

Made really good cookies, but snored loudly.

Cynthia, 6 out of 10.

Smelt bad, but had a big bite.

Janet, 2 out of 10.

Strange.

And licked me 24-7.

Rosie, 11 out of 10.

Sugar mommy.

You were perfect and I miss you every day.

Wow.

I'm shocked that Rosie won this whole thing.

I'm a little taken back by that, too.

I wouldn't see Rosie coming in.

No.

I see more of that.

The second one.

Yeah.

Kind of crushing it.

Kind of like a sneaky underground winner.

Well, and the one that was like, oh, she licks me all the time.

You think that that would be something he specifically would be into.

He just seems like that kind of a fella.

He seems like he'd be anything into any kind of attention whatsoever,

even a hello.

But maybe that's just my, my judgment.

Oh, trust a hello.

Look at Rosie.

But she does look like she has a good personality.

Yeah.

Look at, she's, she's hanging, too.

It's going down, bro.

You're telling me.

It's going down.

I'm starting to get a chicken neck, but she's got chicken everything.

She's chickening it up.

I know.

But you know what the secret is, you got to stay thin.

So when you have the chicken skin, you got to stay skinny.

Yes.

That's what the Europeans do.

You can't be fat.

You just got to stay thin.

You can't be a fatso.

No.

Not only just for your own health, but you never, if you're heavy,

and you get an argument, someone don't like you, you don't realize it,

but in their head, you're now a fatso.

When you turn on someone, you're like, fatso.

You're a fatso.

Fuckin' fatso.

You're a fatso.

Gosh, that's like we came full circle.

You're a fatso.

Yeah.

Would you say fatso?

Yeah.

Doesn't matter.

You could fucking try me, fatso.

Yeah, whatever.

Fatso.

It's it.

I just won the argument.

I just destroyed it.

But do you do, Pesci?

You do, Pesci, don't you?

I don't.

I mean, I used to.

Yeah.

But what happened is, I said, I'm, don't, Pesci.

And my kids, I'll be out in public and people like, hey, Joe, do Joe Pesci.

I'm like, hey, listen, who's doing Joe Pesci?

I don't mind doing Joe Pesci.

Who else is doing Joe Pesci?

And my kids will go, who's doing Pesci?

Oh, no.

I go, he talks like this, little guy.

Yeah.

Home alone, home alone.

He's at home alone.

You don't remember home alone?

Are you serious Henry?

Oh, there you go.

Henry, I'm trying to bang this bro.

Help me out.

That's it.

I'm trying to help you out.

That's it.

I'm always there for you Henry.

You don't fucking help me out.

Oh, it's perfect.

And then he says to fuck out of your tummy.

Get the fuck out of your tummy.

Get the fuck out of your tummy.

Get the fuck out of your tummy.

Karen.

Oh, sorry.

Karen.

Karen.

Karen.

Karen.

Karen.

Karen.

They got them resting because they weren't going to jail.

Karen.

My favorite line though is where he goes, and I'm going to come back.

You can fuck a try me, fatso.

What's the line?

Yes.

You're such a powerful word.

Fucking fatso.

Yeah, you try me, fatso.

Okay.

Try me, fatso.

You got it.

Okay, I'm just going to show you two more and then you got to go because you got to go see your friend Joseph.

Yes.

Okay, two more and then I'm going to let you free.

Here you go.

Here's how you cut your hair on the road.

I know you're on your bus.

Twenty dollars.

You never pay for hair cutting.

You just do this.

What do you think?

Twenty fucking dollars.

Twenty fucking dollars.

It's Australian dollars.

Look at it.

Looks great.

Yeah, it looked like I'm ready to join the races.

Do I come back to it?

It looks awesome.

Fucking perfect.

Fucking perfect.

Go out there and fight some wallabies.

Go out there and find me one, then Peffas.

I get afraid of them, little fuck fucks.

Fucking size up a me see what happens with me new haircut.

I'm feeling it now.

Come on, you don't be penguin.

I love it.

You could kind of do that if you mash down your bangs.

I'm going to let my bangs grow a little longer.

Yeah.

And then I'm going to do that because I like that.

It looks so tight on you, bro.

Yeah, you're going to have to note you just see what a haircut like that, though.

Because there's only so many comments you can take after three fights.

You're like, what just saw you find it?

Fucking hit it with your mouth.

But don't you feel like there's an age where you don't give a fuck?

And your levels of it and people are just like, yeah, but he's crazy.

He's old.

Just let him do it.

That's where I'm at.

That's why I walk in and fart at the same time.

That's why I'm wearing a bow how shirt.

I'm dressed like a vampire.

I don't give a fuck.

I got sweatpants on now.

In the past, I'd be like, okay, it's just hers.

I don't want her to be impressed.

I'll wear a fucking up shirt.

99, bro.

Do I have stains on here?

Try me.

Okay.

One last one.

Fatso's.

We're going to let you go.

Fatso.

Wow.

Crab.

You like crab, right?

Oh, my lord.

I think that's imitation.

That's not the real.

Crab.

What?

Is she laying down or sitting up?

That's always a good question.

Crab.

Crab.

No, no, no, no, no.

It does look yummy.

It looks fresh at least.

And she can mash it up with her teeth, not teeth.

No, that's a bit.

Right.

Yeah.

She gave up a long time ago.

She's sitting because I can see the curtains behind her.

Wow.

That's someone's grandmother right now.

All right.

Would you rather, Jim?

How much money?

Would I rather what?

Hold on.

Oh, another piece of crab.

I know I'm thinking that's real crab.

That could be.

It might be real.

You know, it could be.

That looks like you have watermelon.

You have to live with her for a week or mouth.

Just mouth kiss, not tongue.

One of the gay guys with the bras.

I'm going her.

Thank you.

I'll figure it out.

I'll figure it out.

Jim Brewer, I love you so much.

Thank you for coming.

Way more time too.

I love you.

You're just, we come back again.

That would be awesome.

Yes.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

That would be awesome if you let me.

Yeah.

Of course, I can hang out here forever.

Yeah.

Yep.

I could hang out here forever.

Oh my God.

You're absolutely the best.

And Tom would love you and we're going to have fun next time.

Have a great time on your tour.

Go see Jim Brewer.

Now, he's not going to do this forever, ya guys.

He's coming to your town tickets for Find the Funny Tours at

Jim Brewer yon.com and check out his YouTube page.

Brewer!

Bye.

We're on Stats Com.

Berlin's everywhere.

And I love y'all more!