How a Pro Hockey Player Turned Trauma Into Purpose

0:00The book is The Tears of Happy Jake, and this here is Happy Jake. And what really drew me to the story, to want to write the story was not so much the happy. Everything that goes behind a big league player. We look at athletes like machines, but they're real people. Andrew Bida and Jacob Newton are an accomplished author and former professional hockey player, who share a powerful story of resilience and healing. Through Andrew's book The Tears of Happy Jake and Jacob's work in mental performance, they inspire athletes and individuals to overcome adversity, build emotional strength, and pursue personal growth. There's no mistakes. We're meant to go through the things that we go through and we're not meant to suffer from it and not face it. The most beautiful part is once you do get to the other side, you guess it's a superpower, but then you can see all of the experiences that you went through as very purposeful. Can we call this a hockey book? Or do we call it a wellness, mental health? Yeah. The book follows between the two. It seems to attract a wide audience.

1:00And you don't want to make a book that's, hey, this is for everybody, because it isn't. If you try to make something available for everybody, then it really reaches nobody. It spans the globe, like a super high school, Internet Elvis. Ready? Fire. Today, Apple is going to reinvent the bomb. It's not over! I'm telling our weird! You're living your legacy podcast for those who live to leave a legacy. That's extraordinary! That's awesome! Oh, that is sensational! Open! She's covered with the lead! You said Paul is the box is not on the planet. You can live your dream! Hey, welcome back everyone to another episode of Living Your Legacy Podcast. I'm your host again, Jay Slengen. And yeah, we get the privilege to speak to some of our friends and friends from around the country, the disruptors, and like today, the best authors that come into our studios.

2:01So, yeah, we got two authors right here with us. And if you can just introduce your name, one author, okay? But a duo. So, yeah, introduce yourselves. What's your name? Where you're from? And what's the book? I'll start as the author. So, I am the author. Okay. My name is Andrew Bidad. And the book is The Tears of Happy Jake. And this here is Happy Jake. Yes, thank you. And my name is Jacob Newton. I am originally from California, but we both now currently reside in Cleveland, Ohio. And yeah, I am the main character in the book. All right. So you are the first main character that we've had here in the podcast. So, Jacob's tear is, I don't know, sounds like you had to overcome some struggles. What's going on? What's the book about? So, it's kind of hard to put into one category. You could say it's about hockey. Okay. Jacob was a hockey player played 15 years across the juniors and professional, 10 years professional. Which team? A number of teams. A number of teams. You're going to see a number of teams try and start in the NHL, the AHL, various, you know,

3:06American leagues across Europe across two continents. Well, can you name and drop some of the ones in the NHL that you play for? Yeah, that would be the Anaheim ducks. All right. And then there's a local AHL team would be, which would be essential or equivalent to AAA baseball. Yeah. AHL, the feeder system for the NHL. There's a local team there in Cleveland that I played for as well. But as he mentioned, seven seasons across Europe, six different countries. Yeah. And it was just really, I had no idea that hockey would take me to Europe. And that was the pro leagues in Europe. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, generally, what was that like in terms of the competition with, you know, the American league and the European league? Yeah. Well, when I first went over there, I went to a very low league. Okay. It was 2012. The NHL was a shortened season. There was a little bit of a lockout. So, there was no training camps. I was set to go to training camp with San Jose, the San Jose sharks. That didn't happen. So, my agent said, you want to go over to Europe? I said, sure, let's try it. I went to the second Italian league at that time.

4:06I didn't even know there was a first Italian league. Yeah. Okay. But, you know, in a lot of ways, you got to get over to Europe, prove yourself, which I did before I was able to climb to some respectable leagues in Sweden, Finland, and the Czech Republic. Okay. Okay. So, what is the number one league over there? Oh, that's up for debate, but either the Russian league or the Swedish league, certainly. Okay. Yeah. I was close to the Russian league, had offers from two teams in that league, just had bad things in the current contracts that I was in that didn't allow me to go in. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I follow, I'm a big soccer fan, right? But I follow the English Premier League, right? So, I know about the championships and the Premier League, but all the European leagues, you know, and in my eyes are that American that goes to Europe. You know, and it's like, oh, I'm watching my American boy see how he does in Europe, you know. And much like in your top of the Premier League in Europe, they also have a European championship. So you got like the Champions League over in Europe? Yeah, and that's called the Champions Hockey League.

5:07Oh. And I think they're trying to emulate kind of what's football does over in Europe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty cool. Yeah, nice. Yeah, Champions League is amazing, you know. There's nothing like Champions League soccer, football, or whatever you want to call it. But so you got to play in the Champions League over there? Yeah, but it was only one season. It's not like it's, so there's several different countries obviously over in Europe. The majority of them have hockey leagues. Yeah. And if you win the league in your respective country, then you get to join into this league. And it's like, there will be breaks throughout normal seasons where then these teams get to go and meet in a, you know, middle ground, so to speak, play games there. And it's like round robin style until there's the quarter final semi finals and finals. Yeah, I got to. Quite the experience, but you don't obviously always make it to the, to the finals. Yeah, yeah. That's interesting. Um, but is the NHL still the biggest league in the world? Big okay, okay. Yeah. Yeah, but it's in the Scandinavian countries where I got to play like Finland, Sweden, Norway, like, of course, everybody's aware of the NHL.

6:09Yeah. But more specifically in Finland, like they are so proud to be Finnish and they're just more concerned with the Olympics, trying to win the Olympics, trying to world the world championship of hockey. Yes, they care about the NHL and the Finnish players that play in that league, but their main focus is the Olympics. So when they have, when they do well on the international stage, the whole country shuts down and people are just partying like crazy and flying everywhere. It's a cool experience. Yeah. And so you're, you're a huge hockey fan. How did you know? You know, actually, I, I'm not, I was, I was not a hockey fan. Yeah. I met Jacob and what really drew me to the story to want to write the story was not so much the hockey. I am a sports fan. Okay. And what sport do you follow? You know, I follow football, baseball, basketball. I follow the major sports. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I follow hockey a little bit. And you know, so what I met Jacob, there was a couple things that came up when you asked it, you know, it's a hockey story, but it's also like an emotional, it's a human story. Yeah. I'm interested in number one in the mental side, you know, everything that goes behind

7:11a big league player, you know, there's the trading and getting cupped and all the trauma that you face and having to move and all the things that you're confronted with, you know, we look at athletes like machines, but they're real people. They have, you know, issues to deal with. And there's also a very mental side, Jacob overcame a very trauma as a child that impacted, you know, his entire life. And he saw his career, you know, he was unaware of what happened. He forgot about what happened. And his career was spiraling out of control. Didn't you understand why, you know, why am I going out of control? Why am I partying at such a, you know, frantic pace? Why is my marriage breaking down? And he was able to confront the demon of his past. And that's a big part of the story is just overcoming that emotional trauma and how he overcame that, you know, what, how it impacted his play on the ice as well as off the ice. Yep. And the story culminates with a very inspiring ending.

8:12It's a good ending. Yeah. And so the way he was able to do that and what Jacob does with his life today is helps others. Not only young hockey players, you know, to the how they can better their career by being able to overcome not only the physical, but also also the mental aspects, but also how you can be a better person. How you can, you know, even if you don't play hockey, how can you overcome trauma from the past to be a success? Yeah. I interview a lot of therapists and coaches here on the show and also during the long sessions as well. And yeah, I mean, honestly, if you overcome that trauma, right, on the other side of it, right, is almost like a superpower, right, to be able to use that to your advantage. You know, like I had a guy in here just on Friday, right? He had lost his arm in battle, right? You know, doing IEDs is for Operation CEO, right?

9:12So he was an amputee vet, right? And that on the other side, it was hard to get to the other side as you can imagine, right? Two years in the hospital, thoughts of suicide or attempted suicide and, you know, just deep depression, you know, it was also his right arm, right? And he's right handed. I mean, come on. How many things can you do with your right arm, right? Yeah, so, you know, I need to think in. Now I could never get a girlfriend, right? But it was crazy because like when he was younger, he was like, you know, working at McDonald's, moved up to manager thought that he had his life set, right? Something happened, you know, quit the job, join the army, right? But, you know, like so on the other side of all that trauma, you know, he created a nonprofit to help other vets, right? And then he studied to become a doctor, right? And now he's got his own clinic where he's able to help, you know, people experiencing complex post-traumatic stress disorder, right? He's like, you know, the most hardcore childhood traumas, right?

10:14And he said like, you know, if it wasn't for all that he went through, he would have never become a doctor. He's like, no way in my wildest dreams when I was younger, but I ever thought I'd be a doctor, right? And he's got four amazing kids, right? So, you know, on the other side of that trauma, right, is this, if you can get past all that's happened to you, right? You can use that, you know, to your advantage, right? Yeah, I would certainly agree with that. I think the most beautiful part is once you do get to the other side, yes, it's a super power, but then you can see all of the experiences that you went through as very purposeful. And without those things, you don't get through the fire, right? You don't get through the other side and become the man or the woman that you are on the other side. So, it is undi-c-everything as perfect, like there's no mistakes. We're meant to go through the things that we go through and we're not meant to suffer from it and not face it. And so, I'm happy to hear that this guy faced it and look at what he's doing now. I know, I know. And so, you're saying, okay, it's not really a sports book, right?

11:17You got this whole emotional story and it's kind of like helps people, you know, battling difficult times, right? Now, we're also a business show, right? How does that work out in terms of your marketing when you're marketing for a book, right? Well, you know, it does make a bit of a challenge. Yeah. But as all challenges are also an opportunity, we've actually struggled. Do we call this a hockey book or do we call it a, you know, a wellness, you know, mental health? Yeah. And it kind of follows between the two. And I think there's a way that you can kind of combine them and what's interesting, the early reviews that we've gotten from the book, has been not so much on an amazing hockey story, which it is. Yeah. One reviewer actually said, this plays like Rocky on ice. So it does, it does have that element. But we've gotten so many reviews from women who were so inspired by it, some with, they have young boys, they have boys that they feel this is, you know, one woman said, this

12:20is what a true hero looks like, how he was able to overcome that and help others. But also so many women have suffered through, you know, abuse. And I think they can maybe relate to the story on a different level. But it seems to, so it, you know, seems to attract a wide audience and you don't want to make a book that's, hey, this is for everybody because it isn't. Yeah. If you try to make something available for everybody, then it really reaches nobody. Correct. Correct. But in this case, I think it does reach a broad audience. And as long as people go in, hey, this is an adventure. It's a great story about sports. You know, if you don't know about hockey, you're going to learn about hockey. Yeah. But it's also a story about how you can overcome obstacles. Of course, of course. And then it turns into what works with the analytics of new marketing spend, right? Yeah. Honestly, when you're going towards the Amazon target markets, right? Okay, well, we'll test out some hockey, right? See our works test out some, you know, I guess psycho analytical market as well, right?

13:23I think we're still trying to figure that out a little bit. It is. It's a lot of testing, right? So trying to get on Amazon's bestseller list is very difficult, right? But it's all about that PR plan. It's all about that kind of, it's all about timing, too. You know, there's some strategy in it as well. But yeah, so yeah, I mean, at the top of the chatter today, a lot of mental health, right? It's honestly like at the forefront, right? And for you, right? AI seems to be at the forefront of mental health, you know, also at the forefront of kind of the controversy, right? Because they're like, okay, the number one thing people are putting their AI chatter is about their personal problems, right? Do you feel like, you know, it's a benefit to people, AI or it's kind of like, I definitely do not. So it comes to, you know, people's mental health, their personal struggles.

14:24If they're seeking help, I think that's the last place. I don't think I know that's the last place I would go because I think you need that human connection, you know, and it's, there's a complete disconnect. You're speaking or type into a bot or to a laptop. I know for myself, my, you know, three years in talk therapy was me speaking with another human. Yeah. And I think that's so pivotal in your journey, wherever your journey is in terms of healing. You have to have that. You need to be able to speak with someone that can relate, that can, you know, go back and forth with you that can create different insights, different perspectives. And obviously we know AI is, you know, ever changing and makes mistakes. And I just know for myself that if I was trying to go on AI, I would, I would be skeptical. You need that heart, that energy, that personal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what says every therapist on the show. But what's your background? I mean, have you written other books and what got you to write this? Yeah, so I was actually a college professor. All right. And I did write a book about my father.

15:26Okay. I grew up. What were you teaching in college? Teaching business, entrepreneurship. Hey, there you go. And I knew my father had a story, you know, he was Polish, born in Poland. I was born in England, came to America when I was very young. And I knew my father had a story, but he never really shared too much. We'd watch Hogan's heroes together. Or yeah, I was in prison camp. I was in was just like that. So I got a little cues. But finally in his 80s, he opened up and started sharing a story that I couldn't believe. Wow. We spent the next year diving into this story. And after I wrote the story, we actually got invited to Poland. We met the president of Poland. We befriended Poland's ambassador to Italy. Okay. At the time, the secretary of state, it opened so many doors. It made people aware of a famous Polish Anders Army that most people don't even know about. You're like, Dad, you had this locked in the vault the whole time. And you know, in a came back close to never coming out. When it came out, it just opened so many doors.

16:27Yeah. Well, that had to be a beautiful thing. It was amazing. I'm sure it was. You know, in some respects, the last 10 years of his life were 10 of the best years of his life. Yeah. Before that, nobody knew his story. So and it was quite an adventure. I couldn't believe the things he did. I mean, you know, he was caught in a number of local times of escape, daring escapes, and just helped to liberate, you know, his country. So that was done. And I've been looking for to write another story. I love that. I like making an impact. I had met Jacob a few years earlier. And I was going through a rough time, you know, with, you know, loss of some close family members and COVID. And I'm thinking, man, I wish I could find the right thing, you know, to write about. Yeah. And it approached me, but it just wasn't right. Or happened, run into Jacob, same place where I originally met him in the light bulb. When it's got a story. Yeah. I said, man, Jacob, I got to talk to you about something. He sees me first time in about a year or so. He says, there's something I want to talk to you about.

17:28He was thinking the same thing. I'm thinking I want to write his story and have an impact. And he's thinking, I want you to write my story. Amazing. We just came together. Generally, do you feel comfortable sharing like generally what was the childhood trauma? Yeah. I've put myself out there now for the last nine, ten years. So yeah, from the ages of five to seven, I was sexually abused. Gotcha. Yeah. Yeah, adopted cousin. And yeah, there was a few things that he said to me. When I approached him to say, I'm going to go and end this. I'm going to go tell the people I need to tell you. Stop doing this to me. And he said, if you do that, I'm going to destroy you. And that fear, I took that as real as is going to happen. And so that fear stayed with me all the way until the edge of an NHL career. And so yeah, that's in, you know, I think for a lot of people in general, just not having the healthiest of male role models in your life growing up. And that was certainly me as well. And not having any true guidance on where to go.

18:29Hockey, thankfully, for me, was just my thing. I was really good at it. Obviously, I had to put a lot of work into it. But I had always had dreams of having an actual career in the NHL, not just playing pre-season games. And I got to play some pre-season games with Anaheim. And within those games, there was an immense amount of fights. And I'm a big guy. And I need to have the ability to fight. But when those fights would go off, boom, like that voice would come back to me. And I was essentially frozen. And you can't be frozen into situations like that on the ice. So it was, yeah, and a lot of these things are spoken about within the book. You know, he did such an amazing job of capturing the emotion of these experiences without going into graphic details. Yeah. It wasn't truly necessary. But the reader gets to get the feeling, the emotion that I was experiencing in those moments. So it is remarkable. And for you, does it feel empowering to kind of be able to take your story and honestly,

19:30own it? Yeah. Absolutely. Put it out there. And then I guess like confront your demons, right? Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I think I know for me in the beginning stages, the power of the mind. Like you said, I had forgotten about all of it. I had no remembrance whatsoever. I had all these triggers in that exact situation I just told you about all these fights. I didn't know where this was coming from. But I think in the beginning stages of working through it, I carried shame and guilt around like it was my fault. Yeah. And that was the thing I did wrong that caused this to happen to me. And so through the working of it, I realized I've got no shame whatsoever. It's not something that I did. I didn't repeat this cycle. It was done to me. And so that really helped me to kind of let go of some emotional energy that I had been caring around for years, all of you at an unconscious level. And I think that's true for so many, you know, former victims themselves, the carry shame. Like they did something wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of them, they don't repeat that cycle. Yeah.

20:31Yeah. I mean, it's crazy how that childhood trauma rewires your brain, you know? And then you get the trauma bonding and everything that goes with it that you have to, I mean, there's a lot to overcome. So happy for you that you know, you are able to take control of your story, right? Put it out there. And I'm happy for you to get that second book under your belt, right? Yeah. And that sounds amazing. I wish every son can write a great story about their dad. I'm sure that bonding experience was just incredible. Yeah. But real quickly, like I asked everyone, what are you most excited about, right? What you got cooking? I'm excited about being here. Yeah. The opportunity that you have provided us, it's to me, it's meant, you know, you understand why things happen. I think it was meant to be just the way we met. You know, this is meant to be. I think this provides us such an opportunity. And I'm all about helping others, making a difference in the world. I think writing this story and having this opportunity now gives us the chance to do

21:32something with it. And you know, that's my goal. You know, be the world a better place than what I entered. Perfect. Perfect. Again, yourself? Yeah. I think that's a two part. I myself am also very excited to be here. I think we go back to the whole marketing thing, the PR situation. I think going through this process with you guys is really going to help to amplify our, you know, people being able to see us so on and so forth. And then second part, I'm a father to two beautiful children. And I'm excited. I want their age to slow down a little bit, but I am excited, you know, as they continue navigating their way through life. And then, yeah, just being a light, you know, bringing more love into the world and especially letting other men know that you don't have to suffer in silence. There's a lot of people out there that can help and support you and just start talking that's have some conversation and realize we've got a lot more in common than the perceived differences of our mind. Perfect. So what team do you follow now? I've been a Detroit Red Wings fan since I was about five years old. Okay. And when I signed with Anaheim, I, you know, I'm from California, so that was my hometown

22:36team, but I never rooted for them. And I remember doing an interview with some local journalist. So you had Disney in the Anaheim, you know, the mighty Docs, you must have been a fan forever. And I thought I had to lie to them. I told them that was the case, but no, I've been a Red Wings fan for a while sometime. Well, amazing guys. Thank you for joining us here on the show. And yeah, for you guys joining us, America's best author is where we get to talk with, you know, some of the authors that have put in themselves and their books out there, pouring their heart into the pages. And yeah, you're going to have to check into their episode when it drops. Yeah, well, there, I'm sure that you guys unpack that and get into it. You know, the sessions are really amazing. You really get to, you know, dive deep into your story and, you know, bring some stuff out that sometimes you didn't even know of us there, right? But, yeah, Kofi's one of our best theorists, so you have a good time. All right. Well, thanks again, guys. And we'll see you next time. Peace, everyone.