How can I recognise a flying monkey, the narcissistic abuser’s best friend?

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1:04How can I recognize a flying monkey, the narcissistic abusers best friend? Thanks for asking. We've already talked about narcissistic abusers in a previous episode of Do You Really Know? But let's refresh your memory. Narcissistic abusers or NAs for short are people with manipulative tendencies who inflict a range of toxic behaviors on their target, but position themselves as victims. Now NA victim relationships don't always exist solely between two individuals. There can be one or more additional figures in this dynamic, an accomplice or multiple accomplices, and the accomplices of NAs are actually known as flying monkeys. We're not talking about the animal kingdom here, but people who are used by NAs as tools to maintain control, spread misinformation, or even to harass others. What's a term? Where does it come from? It's actually originated from the 1930s film The Wizard of Oz.

2:07In this cinema classic, the wicked Witch of the East puts actual flying monkeys under a spell and uses them as minions to terrorise Dorothy. I don't get you, my pretty, and you're a little dog too. It's comparable to how in the real world, NAs use accomplices to do their dirty work. Flying monkeys may spread rumors or lies about an NA's target or victim, isolate or alienate them, minimise or justify the NA's abusive actions, and blame the victim for being too sensitive, dismissing their feelings. How do NAs choose their flying monkeys then? Firstly it's important to note that this can happen unconsciously. These may surround themselves with individuals who have low self-esteem. Flying monkeys tend to be easy to manipulate, making them obvious candidates for the role of puppet. They struggle to grasp the implications of their actions and recognise the harm they inflict on others, which prevents them from breaking free from this exploitative dynamic.

3:12Moreover, the flying monkeys unconsciously derive benefits from this complicit position. It allows them to remain close to the one who holds power in the relationship, while ensuring they never face any consequences. NAs also select personalities that need validation or recognition. What strategies can I use to handle flying monkeys effectively? First of all, you need to identify them by observing their behavioural patterns. Pay attention to those who constantly validate and NA's actions while downplaying others' actions. Often they lack the autonomy to form their own opinions, and that does mere extensions of the manipulator. Dealing with flying monkeys requires a combination of awareness and assertiveness. First, maintain a healthy skepticism towards information that comes from them. Cross-checking facts whenever possible. When confronted by a flying monkey, respond calmly and assertively, refusing to engage in drama or conflict, express your perspective calmly without attacking them.

4:16Setting clear boundaries is crucial. Let them know you won't tolerate being used as a pawn. If necessary, distance yourself from the manipulator and their network to regain control of your own narrative. There you have it. Now you know how to recognise a flying monkey. In under three minutes, we answer your questions and help you understand the true meaning behind the trends, concepts and acronyms that are making headlines. Listen along and you will really know for sure.