How The Stooges Irritate Their Spouses

Music

Welcome to Senior Studios helping old geezers navigate retirement.

I'm Mike. I'm Phil. I'm Brian. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Wherever you are. We do have an unofficial sponsor this week guys.

And I think that this is very appropriate for this this episode because one or all three of us might be needing them. It's the husband and wife law team of Arizona.

Just because after this episode, after we are getting our dirty laundry out, we might have to make a phone call into them. So it's the husband and wife law team.

They divorce lawyers are injury probably both know that we need. Yeah, we might need.

I don't think they're divorced, but I know that they're injury and we may need that. I mean, yeah, that's true.

We have a lot of free pans in the kitchen. So there you go. All right, guys. So today, well, let's just start with this. So, you know, retirement has a lot of benefits, right?

I mean, and one of the benefits is spending more time with your spouse or is it a benefit?

I mean, is is that something that they really relish having us around more? And so today, we're going to talk about what we do to irritate our spouses and who better to start than than Brian, but I got to warn you, I might have to cut you off so we can get ours in too.

Yeah, this could be before the tape runs out. Yeah, before the tape run. Yeah, before I grow a beard. Yeah.

You know, it's funny. I'm going to go back because like I told you guys, my wife is in Utah hiking this week with her sister.

And so I did ask her, I said, Hey, this is the episode that we're doing.

And her eyes lit up. Yeah, I mean, I was like, Oh, my gosh. So, so I grabbed the pad of paper and wrote all the things done. And I had to stop her after 15 minutes.

And I got writers cramp writing all the things down at the end of your pen. I ran it. Yeah, ran out of ink. Damn, you went through a whole pad of paper.

But the first one that she has here is that I, I promised to do something and don't follow through now with that being said, I will say that I follow through, but not in her timeframe.

Okay. So I'll give you an example. We had a new screen door put on the back.

And we picked it up and and it's set back here for a couple days. And she said, Hey, can we get that screen door put up. Let's do that tonight.

What was 20 after eight. And I'm like, Why can't we wait till tomorrow to put the screen door on is it's not going to go away.

I promised her that the screen door would be put on the next day. And it was there are things that I promise. And I've gotten a lot better at that to be careful.

Just because she's one that expects it under her timeline, rather than I don't want to say normal.

Yours. Let's say you're a timeline. Yes. Yes. Is that months or years?

No, it's usually weeks. Seriously. Oh, that's better. It is better.

Maybe you'll get today's one of these times.

You know, you don't want to expect too much. I don't know.

Yeah, don't set yourself up. If the exactly if you start doing stuff under timeline, they're just what are they going to do? They're going to ask for more.

So that's my way of life.

So that's one of mine that she, she gets upset about, but I mean, like I said, there's a whole pad full here.

I think another one by I told you I was sick last week or a week before and I have a bad habit of not picking up my clinics when I'm sick.

Oh, that's gross. Well, we know.

Those are on our houses either. So, you know, we'll be on your list too.

I'm getting better at it. You know, because we've gotten a lot more garbage cans. And so I can just flip them into the garbage can.

There was she had a valid point on that one. So, you know, and of course, you all know about keeping the toilet seat up and down.

That's how are you doing that I'm I'm doing very well. Actually, I seem to now this week, you know, I look at it and I go, she's not around. I don't have to worry about it.

Yeah, well, no, I'm not a nun. I don't need a habit. So, um, so those are those are some of the ones that like I said, I could carry on for another 30 minutes, but I don't want to I don't want to take away from your guys time and what you have to say.

So, go ahead, Mike. I know you're I can see the steam coming out of your ears.

No, I got a question for you, Brian. Here's a thought. Here's a thought to keep the peace in your house. Now you got you have two bathrooms, right? Yes. I was thinking the same thing as you might.

So why don't you mind think alike. Yes, they make one. So, uh, so Brian, why don't you run down to home, deep or lows and get some, um, like what's it called? Like 6000 construction glue.

And go into one of the bathrooms and glue the seat down. All right. No. And then and then she can go in there and know that that, you know, that's her, that's her bathroom.

That's her bathroom, right? And you'll know it's not your bathroom. And then you go in yours and you can do whatever you want. You can tinkle all over the seat any time you want.

See, the problem is is she's got to still clean it up. And secondly, it is.

Why does she have to clean it up? Yeah.

Because nobody cleans toilets and sinks better than my wife.

If I had a cleaning lady, she wouldn't do it well enough. So, even if I did it, she would come back, she would come by and do it again because nobody does it better than my wife.

To your point, it's not a bad point. But again, then I like to keep her off balance a little bit. You know, you don't want to give her everything at one time. So, um, I like the idea, but I'm going to just keep on working just to keep the toilet seat down.

You'll take a pass as it were.

Okay.

Within a right pass. Yes. Yes.

All right.

All right.

Who's next?

Who's next?

Phil.

Me? Okay.

Yeah, go.

One thing that my wife doesn't like is that I'll not talk about something and I'll be processing it in the background.

And then I'll ask her, hey, what about this?

And then she'll go, oh, well, we can talk about it.

And I've already processed it and I'm ready to pull the trigger.

For example, I had been thinking, hey, maybe it's time we should get a bigger house with more kids that we had.

And I was thinking and thinking like you were just talking like now.

No, no, no, we're done.

Okay.

So I said, hey, you know, I was thinking maybe we've looked for a house that's closer to my work and maybe a little bigger.

So we have a little more space when the kids get older, we'll have more space.

She goes, yeah, we should start looking around and thinking about that.

Two days later, there was a sign in our front yard because I'd been processing it for weeks.

And then I just kind of let her in on it at the last minute.

And you already had a new house.

Yeah.

You bought one.

Hey, what do you think about this?

Do you like this?

You've got no choice.

So she likes to verbally process.

And I like to mentally process without letting anybody know.

Oh, that's good communication.

Yeah, perfect.

But I've gotten better.

I was 20 some years ago.

She needs to get better at reading your mind.

That's a problem.

Well, yeah.

Let's see what else.

She'll state something like, hey, you know, I want to start walking every day.

I want to walk at least a mile or two every day.

And then then I jump in every day and say, hey, did you do your walk today?

Did you do your walk today?

And she's like, oh, I want you to be interested.

But I'm going to do it when I want to do it.

So she doesn't like to share things like that now.

Okay.

You want to take it?

You know, can you blame her?

No.

Yeah.

You just have to kind of sit back and see if it really happens instead of egging her on.

Cleaning up dishes after she's already cleaned the kitchen.

Yeah.

Watch them again?

Yeah.

She's got a little bit of ADD going on and she might miss her things.

She might miss a few things and so I'll just have to follow up behind her.

She doesn't appreciate that for you.

Yeah.

I bet she loves that.

Oh, yeah.

So those are the big ones, I guess.

Oh, okay.

That was, that was tame.

This could be, this could be a good one, right?

Go ahead, Mike.

You're the, Phil, you're the, you're the model husband.

Yeah.

Model retired husband.

Yeah.

That's not get carried away here.

You got to keep the piece.

You want a bigger microphone next time.

No, there you go.

All right.

So let's do this.

You guys saw mine.

Pick which ones you want me to talk about.

I didn't cop.

I mean, I didn't write them down.

So buying unnecessary things.

The car one.

Yeah, buying and oh, that's a good one.

How many kinds of unnecessary things did you buy this week?

None this week.

But in the past, there's been like three a week that are just sitting.

Yeah, I got, I got this thing for four bags for, you know, bags and carrying.

You guys saw my purse last week when we went to the horse side.

We thought you were moving in at the track.

Yeah.

It's not really that.

I didn't want to walk in with them.

Yeah.

I'm identifying differently now.

Whoa.

Okay.

Yeah.

I have this thing for shoes and bags and, and it's, you know, it's, it's probably a problem.

And I don't know that there's a support group that can take care of that.

So the problem, the real problem is that she gets the notification from the USPS every day of what's in the mail.

And oh, another two packages from Poshmark.

Oh, another two packages from Poshmark.

You need to delete the app.

Yeah, well, I can't, it's on her phone.

So it's over.

Oh, delete the Poshmark.

Oh, yeah.

Well, no, that would be, then I'd be in withdrawal.

So you don't want that.

Then I'd really complain about traffic while in the car, which she dislikes tremendously.

That's another one on my list.

So yeah, but I think our bad drivers are both both.

You know what?

I was thinking about doing anything about the bad drivers there.

I thought Chicago is bad.

There's on his right behind him.

I mean, it's just unbelievable.

I don't know if it's a desert and people can think they just do their own thing,

but people come in three lanes over to try and get off at Bell Road.

And you know, it's just, it's unbelievable.

It's all, I could see where you get upset.

It's, yeah.

Yeah, people cutting off people making bad decisions.

Did you ever realize when, think about it for a minute?

Did you, did you know that Tesla's and motorcycles don't have speed limits?

Did you think about it?

I know that.

But think about it.

I can't tell you how many Tesla's I see that are just like ripping off the start and going like crazy

because they're able to.

You know, they select for cars and move pretty quick, but.

One thing against me is the motorcycles in between cars.

And somebody is asking again.

Yeah, you know what?

You know, you pull up at a light and they're all the sudden there's a motorcycle in between you and the car next to you.

And I'm like, dude, you're just asking to get, you're just asking to get hit.

You got no protection to begin with.

I know that they asked them why they can do it.

But I'm like, what the, how are you thinking?

Oh, you can split lanes here now.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, um, all right.

So, uh, another one asking what she wants for dinner tomorrow while we're eating dinner today.

That's, that's your attention.

Um, I'm guilty of that one too.

But you know what?

Here's the deal.

Here's the deal.

When you do the cooking, you can do the asking.

I don't, I don't feel bad about that one at all.

That's not a plan ahead.

If you have to pull something out of the freezer, you can't pull it out of your own night.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, um, but you're right.

If you're, if you're doing a cooking, which I usually cook the protein, I can't say that.

I do the vegetables.

She usually does the vegetables.

But if you're, if you're grilling or something like that and it's like Phil said, if you got it in the freezer,

you better take it out or it, you know, it's, it's not going to work out.

So, um, I tend to agree with you on that one.

Yeah.

So, anyway, um, I do a fair amount of following behind her, picking up after her.

And she's learned to let it go, but that's something that was.

Let's see what, what Elaine says about a fair amount.

Because I got a feeling you're, it's, you know, you're like playing tag right behind her.

Yeah.

You know what?

If a little speed dog following her around, looking for crumbs.

Exactly.

Yeah.

If she steps too quick, I break my nose.

Yeah.

I have a question.

What a fair amount.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

And then there was one more.

But, um, I'm not going to say, because that's, um, that's a little bit.

That's a little.

Yeah.

Now you're just teaching us.

It's what?

So you've got the list.

Yeah.

But this is it.

This is it.

Then I'm done.

And we go back to you guys to, to circle back.

Um, so she gets irritated when I pass loud gas.

And I make a big deal out of it.

And I, and I make a big like.

And that's, you know, disgusting.

That's something that irritates her.

And I can't tell you how many times she just shakes her head and gets up and walks away.

You know, it's a, the way I look, it's a natural body function.

So it's like, I don't even say anything.

It's what you can do.

You know, there are a lot of natural body functions.

You don't share with other humans.

That's true.

Well, I, I use the one, well, I had surgery.

It's stomach surgery.

I can't help it.

Oh.

Okay.

I'm working on work until my last breath.

My last wind.

Yeah.

God, what's our excuse?

Yeah.

So anyway, all right.

Back to you guys.

I'm, I'm done.

I'm done.

We went through my list.

Because otherwise I'm perfect.

Well, it's a little bold.

We'll vote on that.

That just right.

All right.

All right.

Brian Phil.

I got nothing else.

She does.

I.

You got to have more.

I do.

You got to have the down.

See sproles next to you.

I'm just looking over the list of 20 that I got at the hand cramp down.

All right.

Give me a.

I cut on that kitchen counter without you.

I cut on the kitchen counter without using a cutting board.

Oh, I am.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

I hear about it every time too.

And we have cutting boards here.

There's not that.

But it's just.

And it may be, you know, what?

What are your countertops made out of?

Wow.

What is that?

Not granite.

But, uh, engineered stone.

Um, tie.

You know what?

It's, it's 10 years old.

So I don't know.

But it's not.

Oh, she says it makes a mark.

I say it does not.

But.

Uh, so it's not like.

Glenolium or something.

No.

Cut.

No.

But it's.

You know.

Yeah.

So that's one of them.

Yeah.

It's.

If you need a cutting board, we've got an extra one over here.

Oh, I got plenty to.

Three of them right here.

Two of them that I'm looking at right now.

But you know, it's.

They're not different.

It's a moment.

Yeah.

How would those feel over your head?

Well, that's where I need the husband and wife law team.

Because I might get one cracked over my head.

Yes.

Yeah.

There you go.

All right.

How about a, how about a joke of the week, Phil?

I have a really long one, but I'm going to save that one.

Well, give us a short one.

Okay.

I got a short one here.

My wife said, if you won the lottery, would you still love me?

And I said, honey, of course I would.

I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.

All right.

That might be the best one that you've come up with so far.

That's a good one.

I thought it was appropriate for today's thing too.

Yes.

Absolutely.

All right, guys.

Well, next week, and you probably don't even know this.

We got a little bit behind today.

But we're going to talk about stooge paranoia next week.

Paranoid.

Paranoid makes us paranoid.

Let's retire.

We's paranoid.

Okay.

So start thinking.

And you can email us at senior studios at myyahoo.com.

See ya.

Yeah.