How to Get Your Husband to Change

In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into the real story behind how lasting change happens in marriage—and why you can’t force your husband to change. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen share raw, vulnerable insights from the darkest seasons of their relationship, when betrayal, denial, and disconnection ruled their home. Caitlyn unpacks the painful truth that no ultimatum or strategy could transform Brandon—he had to choose healing for himself. Together, they explore how patterns of shame, hidden behaviors, and avoidance sabotage intimacy and what it really takes for a man to reclaim emotional presence, empathy, and integrity. You’ll learn why confronting uncomfortable realities, setting immovable standards, and choosing embodiment over numbness is key to rebuilding trust and true connection. This episode isn’t just about saving a marriage—it’s about becoming fully alive in it.

Our 2025 Grounded Union 2-Day Workshops:
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📍 Portland, Oregon – June 7th & 8th
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📍 Maui, Hawaii – October 10th-13th (3-Day Marriage Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included!)
Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops

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YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Intro and Season One Recap: Brandon introduces the end of season one, highlighting key themes and insights shared throughout.
• 00:01:02 – Upcoming Couples Workshops: Information about their in-person workshops in Portland, San Diego, and an intensive retreat in Maui.
• 00:02:09 – Who’s Responsible for Change in a Marriage?: Brandon and Caitlyn introduce the central question of the episode—who is responsible for change in a marriage, and what does it look like to go from feeling powerless to creating lasting transformation?
• 00:06:41 – From Denial to Acceptance: Moving from denial to a victim mentality and finally taking responsibility for his role in the marriage breakdown.
• 00:09:15 – Taking Responsibility for Pain and Change: How both partners must take responsibility for their actions, behaviors, and pain, even if the other partner has caused hurt.
• 00:20:21 – Holding a Clear Vision for Your Marriage: The importance of maintaining a strong vision for the marriage and clearly inviting your spouse to rise into it.
• 00:23:13 – Choosing Your Marriage from Power, Not Fear: The importance of staying together because of a shared vision rather than fear of being alone or financial dependence.
• 00:25:21 – Avoiding the Toxic Middle Ground: How couples often settle for a disconnected marriage to avoid the stigma of divorce, highlighting the importance of true intimacy.
• 00:29:07 – Now is the Best Time to Heal: There is no perfect time to start healing your marriage, and begin immediately by removing distractions and focusing inward.
• 00:36:39 – Healing the Childhood Fear of Responsibility: How childhood punishments influence our adult fears around accepting responsibility, and how stepping into ownership fosters intimacy and connection in marriage.