How to Know When Business Mentorship Is Doing More Harm Than Good

And so I want to talk today about the reality that you don't hire a coach to become men.

Welcome to This Mother Means Business, the podcast where ambition meets motherhood and

success has no limits.

I'm your host, Laura Sinclair, and if you're a mom who's passionate about building your

own business, you're in the right place.

Whether you're launching your first startup from your kitchen table, scaling your side hustle

during nap time, or growing your established business while juggling family life, this

show celebrates the incredible women who refuse to choose between being an amazing mother

and a fierce entrepreneur.

Each week we're diving into real stories, practical strategies, and yes, a little tough love

when you need it most.

I'm here to push you past the excuses and give you permission to build your business

and live your life exactly on your terms.

Because here's what I know for sure, when a mother means business, extraordinary things

happen.

So let's dive in and get down to it.

Welcome back to another episode of This Mother Means Business, they want to talk to you

about something that came up in a conversation that I was having with a prospective client.

She was sharing with me how she feels so disconnected from her business because she's been

getting so much advice.

And in all of that advice, she's actually lost her own ability to think about what she

wants for her business.

She's so paralyzed by the reality that she's received all this information, spent a lot

of money on this information, but doesn't know how to implement it for herself.

And so I want to ask you something and I want to be really, I want you to be really honest

with yourself when I ask you.

When you hired your last coach or maybe the coach you're working with right now, did you

feel a flutter of relief?

Maybe you were like, finally, someone who has this all figured out, someone who's going

to show me exactly what to do.

I know that feeling.

I have had it.

I also know what can happen next.

You follow the formula, you implement the system, you use the scripts and the templates

in the launch formula that worked so well for her or him or them.

And something starts to shift, but not in a good way.

Your email starts to sound a little stiff, your content feels like you were performing

a version of yourself, and you might even catch yourself saying on things that like

don't even sound like you.

And the part that nobody talks about is like, you might be actually getting results from

this.

You might be coming in, you might revenue might be moving, and I'm paper, it's working,

but privately, you feel like you've moved into someone else's house.

And you're trying to make yourself at home in their furniture.

And so I want to talk today about the reality that you don't hire a coach to become them.

And I think a lot of people in the business base, and I see this a lot, kind of want their

clients to become them.

And I have had coaches that have tried to do this to me.

I have had been in relationship with coaches where I've tried to become them.

And I think what I want to really talk about is when we are working with a mentor, right?

We have to be able to distinguish where their business ends and yours begins.

And so the thing that I want to offer you and that I really want to sit with is that

a coaching framework or a way to mentor builds a business is meant to help you see your

business more clearly.

It's a lens.

It's not a mold that you have to pour yourself into and hope it comes out right.

And the best coaches that I know, the ones I most respect will tell you this themselves.

The goal was never for you to build their business.

The goal was to help you build yours faster with less confusion and fewer expensive mistakes.

But somewhere in the execution of that, something gets lost.

And frankly, I think I know what it is.

And so I think there are things that get confused.

The two things that really get tangled that I'm seeing,

when we're learning from somebody that we admire are strategy, right?

Strategies, the stuff that you can borrow, right?

Offer structures, launch sequences, pricing logic, fungal architecture.

These are tools.

They have been tested and they work in many contexts.

And by all means learn them, use them, adapt them.

Hey, I need to tell you about something big.

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This isn't just an event.

It is truly proof that you can build success your way,

and I hope to see you there.

But the second one that I think gets really confused is identity.

And identity is the stuff that you absolutely cannot borrow.

Your voice, your values, the particular way

that you explain a concept that makes it click for your specific audience.

The things you care about most deeply in your work,

the way you want your clients to feel,

the pace and shape of a business that actually fits your life.

You can borrow strategy all day long.

Identity has to be yours.

A strategy is the tool.

Identity is the hand that holds it.

And I think this gets so lost in the online space,

especially where you're dealing with a coach or program

that's sort of coaching you to do the same thing.

And personally, I don't coach a lot of other coaches.

I tend to coach more business owners.

And by that, I mean not the coaching is out of business,

but I don't coach a lot of business coaches.

That's not my model.

My model is to help service-based business owners

grow their businesses.

And one of the things that I always love to talk about

is that my job is to bring you home to yourself.

And to bring you back to this conversation

I was having with this woman, as she was saying,

I feel like I was told I have to show up on social media

wearing more makeup and I have to be dressed up

and that I can't.

But I'm a mom that hangs out in her sweatpants all day

and I'm feeling like I can't even do the thing

that I basic things that I need to do in my business

to show up and be successful

because someone told me that I can't do that.

And I think that this is the part that I want to name really

honestly because I think it really matters.

A lot of the coaching models that are being taught right now,

the ones that feel so polished and so replicable

were built by people whose lives

probably look very different than yours.

And not better, not worse, just different.

And some of these frameworks are built before kids

or built with significant household support

or built in a season with different constraints,

different energies, different capacities

than the one you're in right now.

It could also just be different likes,

different personalities, all of those things can show up

in how our businesses need to look different.

And when you take a model that was designed for one life

and try to run it inside a completely different life

a life with let's say school pickups and sick days

that can derail entire weeks

or a mental load that doesn't really clock out

or seasons that shift every few months.

Of course, it doesn't fit perfectly.

Of course, it feels like you're squeezing yourself

into something that wasn't cut for your shape.

That doesn't mean the framework is bad.

It means it was built for a different person.

And your job, the real work of building your business

is to take what's useful and make it yours.

And I think the insight that I want to land most today

is that trusting your own instincts

isn't the opposite of good coaching.

It's actually the point of it.

The reason you invest in learning from coaches,

from programs, from communities

is to develop the capacity to make better decisions

for your own business.

Not to outsource your judgment permanently.

Not to keep asking for permission

before you do anything differently.

When your gut says this doesn't feel right,

that's not resistance, that's not fear,

that's not you being difficult or ungrateful

or not a good student, that might just be your instincts.

Though once you've developed through years

of running your business knowing your clients,

living your life, telling you that something is important.

One of my most important questions that I ask my clients

is how does that feel for you?

Because I don't want to give people things

that they're not going to do.

And what I want you to hear is that your instincts

are worth listening to, not instead of your coach

alongside your coach.

And if your coach is not willing to listen to your instincts,

I'm telling you right now you're with the wrong coach.

So coaching is a conversation.

It needs to be a conversation, your instincts,

and what you're learning, and it's not a submission to it.

And the women that I see that do this best,

they take a framework, they run it through their own filter,

they adapt it to their actual life,

and build something that is recognizably unmistakably theirs.

And they can kind of get their coaches,

and they also sound like themselves.

That is the goal.

And so I want to leave you with a reflection.

It's not a homework assignment.

It's just something to kind of carry with you.

And maybe you'll journal about it.

Maybe it just rides along with you in your next walk.

Here it is.

Where in your business right now?

Are you doing something because it genuinely works for you?

And where are you doing something?

Because someone told you you should.

Take your time with that.

Go through your offers, your schedule, your content strategy,

your client experience.

Notice what feels like you.

And what feels like it was built from your actual values,

your actual life, and your actual voice.

And notice what feels like board furniture.

Not because board is always wrong,

but because it is worth knowing the difference.

And the parts that feel like you,

those are the parts that are worth building from.

Those are the parts you're inclined to,

and they listen to you, read your emails,

and get on a call with you.

That feeling of building a business

that sounds like it's owner, it's not a luxury.

It's your most powerful business asset.

And I think where the online space has missed the mark,

where some mentors and coaches miss the mark,

is in trying to show their way as the only way.

And that is not the way.

The way needs to be guiding people home to themselves

and who it is that they are in the building of the business.

And so I'd love to know what comes up for you.

Something landed today,

if there's a specific part of your business,

they came to mind.

Send me a DM and tell me what it was.

That conversation is always a very interesting one to me.

So if you have found yourself in a place

where you are doing things in your business,

that really aren't for you, that you borrowed,

and maybe you're wearing it,

it's keeping you from showing up

as the fullest expression of yourself in the work

that you do.

I hope that today's episode gave you some inspiration

to change that.

I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening.

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Until next time, keep showing up,

keep pushing forward and remember

when this mother means business,

anything is possible.

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