How to Quit Drinking as a Mom

0:00You're listening to this naked mind with Annie Grace. Welcome, Pile, to where are they now? And thank you so much for joining me. Your story has inspired so many, and there were so many parts of it that I could relate to. Maybe I started drinking a little bit earlier, but you had mentioned later in high school and then through college, and it being a source of fun and a confidence booster. And so we're so excited to catch up with you. I'd love for you to introduce yourself and we can go back and you can recap some of your story and then we'll get into where you are now. Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you for having me. I can't believe how many years have gone by since I've been on the podcast. So to recap, so I'm six years sober as of August. So I'm coming up on six years this summer and it's a little surreal to even say that.

1:04But my journey with alcohol really started. I want to say like late high school into college. And at that point, I mean, everybody around me was glorifying alcohol and indulging in it. And you know, right from the get go, I kind of remember like my freshman year, knowing that I drank differently than the people around me or I prioritized it differently. It's like it had to be part of whatever socializing I was doing. And for me, it was that boost of confidence. It was like giving me the, it was giving me the confidence that I needed that I didn't have previously to like go out there and talk to make friends. And that just, that kind of was the theme then for the rest of college. But I didn't flag it because it was that way for so many other people around me. And so when you were drinking to oblivion, to blackout, to throwing up, like it was

2:06laughed off. And so for the college years, didn't think much of it, like laughed it off. But I always did kind of sit with like a level of shame and guilt because I didn't like how I felt after. And the moment I still needed it. So after college, I went into teaching. I taught for many years after that. But I went into teaching and every milestone I realized of my life at whether I was starting a new job or like moving into some phase of adulthood, I thought I was going to like shed the alcohols and be like, oh, I'm going to figure it out now. Like when I drink, I won't black out. When I drink, I won't take it that far. I will have a limit. I didn't. So as I was a young teacher, like there were lots of happy hours and drinks with coworkers. And so it was still involved in my life, whether it was like a family wedding, there was no instance where I could handle myself. Okay.

3:06No matter who was around, like there was just no limit. But yet again, no one around me, aside from like a couple of people who would maybe make some comments here and there, my sister would be like, okay, we need to talk, you know, the morning after that sort of thing. But other than that, no one really flagged it. So then down the line, I meet my husband and him and I meet on like at a bar. So at this point, we both also prioritize alcohol and our relationship is, yeah, there's like alcohol is very present in our relationship as like a source of fun and enjoyment. And and so that carries through. And we get engaged, we get married again, like I'm like, okay, another phase of adulthood, this is where I figure it out. And then I don't. That carries on. We have a group of friends that were always out drinking. We're always out, you know, enjoying alcohol. And it's a lot of blackouts.

4:07Like it's almost every time I'm drinking, I am forgetting the night, but like laughing it off in some way. Then I become a mom. So through pregnancy, I caught alcohol. Okay. In pregnancy, I was able to like, you know, I had that limit. But I remember thinking with my first, after he was born, I was like, well, this surely is the point where I will now cut it out, or not cut, cut it out completely, but I will manage my limit. I will learn to manage my limit. And it just doesn't work that way. And it certainly didn't for me. And so I have him. And then as he is like a baby, like we were getting back into our social life and alcohol now is present again. And I'm not handling it. And that is when the guilt really sits with me. Like the shame starts to really sit with me because now I'm like, I'm a mom. What am I doing? But then there's also this whole like mommy wine culture that is playing a role in this

5:12space of life where it's like, well, I'm a mom, I'm a teacher, I'm exhausted. And when I need to relieve stress and the only way, the only source of relieving stress in my life is alcohol. And that's the only mechanism that I know of. And it's the only thing that I associate with having fun. It's still the only thing I associate with building my confidence. And so when I'm out and about, it absolutely has to be there. When I'm out and about, when I'm home. Now I'm recognizing that my husband travels a lot and when I'm home and I'm alone, I'm drinking then. And now there are these problematic behaviors that are starting to come up. And I realize that they're problematic, but they're secret. I'm not sharing that with anyone. So now this like guilt and shame is harboring even further within me because I know what I'm hiding, whether it's buying like the four packs, small bottles of wine and before

6:13he gets home, putting them at the bottom of the trash bin and not telling anybody about it. And still continuing on with my work life and my mom life and I'm doing all the things, right? Like I'm meeting all my expectations and my duties. But and so I'm like almost like functioning in this way. But there is a lot of problematic behavior that's going on under the surface. And so this carries on for years. I had my second when my my oldest was four and then my my second came along. And so again, through the pregnancy, no alcohol, thinking again, okay, now I'm a mom of two. Like now I'll figure it out. Well, he was born, my second was born in the pandemic. So March 2020, he was born. So we had a lot of like unforeseen challenges that came our way as did the rest of the world. And so we were very isolated. And my husband and I like, we sank right back into like our old habits of just like,

7:16have a bottle of wine now at four o'clock because we got nowhere to go and nobody to see. And so we were really, we were really drinking a lot more. And I think a lot of people were so like again, this is like how you justify it. Right? Yeah. Everybody's joking about drinking and like, that's all anyone has to do. But then him and I were also in conflict because of all the other factors around us. So I ended up speaking with a therapist because I was feeling like postpartum, angst and anxiety. I was heading back to school. I was still teaching at the time. So I was heading back soon and I had a lot going on in him and I were in conflict and almost constantly. So I spoke with a therapist encouraged by him, encouraged by my sisters. They were like, you got to talk to somebody. It was not too far into that conversation where she was able to, and I wish I could find her name because she is such a turning point in the story.

8:16She was able to right away kind of like pinpoint that there was an issue with alcohol. Because I said something to the point of like the only time I really want to be around my husband or when I enjoy him is when we're drinking. And she was like, oh, well, how often are you drinking? And then this question led to the next to the next. And I thought to myself in that moment, I said, if I am going to be honest with anyone, it's right now. It's right here. This is a person who I don't know. We're on a virtual. We're on a call. This is the time that I have to just like say, say what's been happening all along. Like just say it. And it just like came out like word vomit. And so then she encouraged me to read a book called the Four of Bremence. She said, it really sounds like you are struggling with alcohol. And that's not safe when you have two young children in the home. And this was something that I, this was like such a source of the shame because there

9:17were nights where I would have, I would black out. And if my husband was traveling. I knew that I was not capable of caring for my child. And so, but then I would just brush it off and be like prioritize the alcohol and the feeling. And that's, there was like no control over that. Yeah. So when she said that out loud, something happened for me. And I, and I thought to myself, like this, I'm going down a path that I will regret. Like I, I will hurt someone and I will hurt myself. I'm already hurting myself. I will end up doing something catastrophic if this continues. And or I could and I can't live with that. And I, you know, everybody's journey is different. For me, it was the next day. I was like, I looked in the mirror and I was like, I had, like had enough of myself. You know, you have to almost get to that turning point where you're like, I have had enough

10:19of you. I need to change. And so I, I was like, at this point, I'm, I tried to give up alcohol quite a few times before. And I, it was always for the wrong reasons. It was like, oh, I want to lose weight, you know, I want to get like, I want to be like healthy. I'm getting ready for summer. And I always like overeat after drinking or, you know, that kind of thing. And but this time it was different. It was like, I can't live with this feeling anymore. And so it was August 24th, 2020. And I was done. I was like, I'm not drinking anymore until I can figure this out. Like it wasn't like a hard and fast on that day. I wasn't like, I'm giving it up forever because I couldn't believe that I would be able to give it up forever. You know, like I didn't believe that, but I knew that something had to change. So I did. And those first few months really hard. And we were in social isolation still. So like that wasn't so much of a factor in, because I think that that could have made

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16:35And anytime I would listen to podcasts of other people's stories, I saw myself in the story. And so I was almost like proving, yes, you had a problem. Nobody can tell me otherwise because I know what I lived with inside of me. Yeah, after that, I mean, I talked about it. I have a, I'm on social media. I'm a content creator. And so I started talking about it and connecting with people. And that was a source of encouragement and empowerment in that when I shared my story, there I was feeling seen and heard and that kind of kept me in that mindset. And so I still like pepper it into my content here and there because I find that so many people have the same struggles. And because alcohol is so glorified and normalized in such a, like it's such a part of our culture and every culture.

17:36Yeah, as we get into summer months, like people can't imagine a barbecue without alcohol. You know, people can't imagine a lot of things without alcohol, a lot of celebratory moments. We're just regular moments. Yeah, all of the moments, right? All of the moments. And so yeah, it took me a long, long time to unlearn that. But I will be six years sober on August 24th. Oh, amazing. Oh my gosh, congratulations. It's fascinating. And it's funny how you mentioned, right? You would listen to podcasts. You would listen to things and hear yourself in other people's stories. It's funny because as I'm listening to you and when I listened to your podcast, I was like, yep, the confidence. And it was really interesting. I think you're one of the first people who I've heard kind of mentioned. Like I recognize that my relationship with alcohol was different. And I think I always had that quiet knowing and not like lump in the stomach when you'd wake up and you knew.

18:37But then you didn't write. It was also so normal. And to your point, right? College blackouts. Everyone's doing it. So like this is okay, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's a scary, scary place to be. And then you mentioned how you started sharing about it and feeling seen and heard. And so we can kind of shift into to the now, right? And into where you've been since that point. But even when you mentioned feeling seen and heard and it's interesting because it took me over, it took me a few years before I posted anything that I was absolutely terrified. And then I felt wrapped in the responses. Yes. And I'm curious for you. Like how that felt. And if there was still any guilt or shame or anything like that, like I know for me, I feel the responses of other people was a real point of kind of shedding shame. And so I'm curious kind of how that showed up for you as well. Yeah. So even to this day, anytime I post and use the word alcoholic, the label, I can't explain

19:42like the feeling that like as I'm hitting post, I'm like, I know I need to do this. I know somebody out there needs to see this and it needs to like, I need to help them maybe face the music or help them to see themselves in me and share part of this. And when I hit post, I still have this inner feeling of, oh, God, I'm putting myself out there again. And I'm going to make myself vulnerable to comments or judgment. Yeah. And then I do it. And I inevitably get either DMs or comments with people saying, thank you so much for sharing this because I've been feeling the same or my story is similar or this business. And so and then in that moment, I'm like, that was worth it. It was worth it. Even if it just if it is that one connection that I need or that one person who feels empowered, that was worth it. Worth it. And then I'm like, 100%. It's like when we're able to witness wounds and then being able to witness things in others,

20:48it's kind of like a universal healing. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And I do have so many mothers in my community because I started my social media content after becoming a mom. So a lot of it was lifestyle and in this phase of life, that's that is who my audience has become. And so it's so prevalent in yeah, mothers because if you think about it, you know, moms are up against so much so much pressure working or or stay at home moms, no matter what your reality is, motherhood is heavy, motherhood in America is heavy. And so I think that it's really natural to like lean on something that eases that. And so alcohol is what we know at like that's what we're conditioned to believe that alcohol is that substance that alleviates that me growing up like alcohol was glorified in my home

21:51to whether that plays a role or not, like, you know, I think that in a sense, like it was around a lot. And I saw that being used as a source of fun and enjoyment and stress relief. So from a young age, I observed that and I have to believe that that has something to do with my relationship with alcohol. Since I became super, my dad has given up alcohol, which is like a big one in both of my sisters. Now my mom was never much of a drinker. She only drank along with us. So pretty much my whole family aside from my mom having like a margarita here and there, we're all completely cut it out, which I think is interesting and special really. Very, very special and just need what a ripple effect it can create without without telling without pushing without anything. You're allowing people to see that removing alcohol isn't something to be afraid of.

22:56It isn't something that's like misery and deprivation. It's something that you can actually look forward to. Yeah, that's actually one of my favorite comments that I get online when people say to me, you live a fun and full and exciting life without alcohol. And you know, you have shown us that like you can do that. I'm like, yes, you can actually so much better. Like I like myself better. I have more fun. I have more freedom. One of the things that maybe we'll resonate with you is that if I'm out and about and I'm at a party or a bar or a restaurant or whatever, I can drive myself home. And there is so much like that teeny detail. It's everything. I can get me and my family home safely. I can get myself home safely. I'm in control and that was something that was missing for several years.

23:59And I may and admittedly so like I made some stupid mistakes that could have ended catastrophically for sure. I did get behind the wheel. And those were moments that I absolutely will always regret. But they also in that moment, I still didn't stop. I would wake up the next day and be like, that was really bad. That was really bad. But that still didn't stop me. And so you have to get to, I think part of the point of that is that you got to get to it in your own time. Like you have to have, like I said, you have to kind of like come to the point where I've had enough of myself to make that change. Nothing else can change it. I don't think. Absolutely. It's funny. You mentioned it resonating with me because I actually yesterday said that to someone. I love being able to get in my car and go anywhere at any time or to leave and to your point.

25:00Right. And even having kids, right? If something happens, someone sick, anything happens at any point at any hour. I'm good to go. I can jump in a car or I can be a contact for someone who has an emergency. I'll go. Yes. I can show up for myself and I can show up for others. I'm reliable. I was not reliable as a friend, as a family member, as a mom. I wasn't reliable. My husband and I would have these nights where we go out with friends and I would be like, okay, it's your turn to like drink as much as you want and I'll get us home. And then I would be grumpy and I would be like, I'm ready to leave. And I would not enjoy myself without alcohol. And then he'd be like, fine, go ahead, just drink. I'm going to cut myself off. And so like that's not considerate and that's not being like, that's not being a partner. So in all these roles of my life, I felt like I was falling short. And what that does over time is it takes a hit to yourself a steam, yourself worth.

26:07Now you're not really showing up in any capacity to your potential. And everything and it's all plowed by alcohol. And you know, like for me, I knew, I knew it was the alcohol, but I was, I loved it so much. I enjoyed it so much that it didn't matter. It had such a hold on me. And that's why I can't, like I've had friends tell me that, oh, well, I'm sure down the line, like you can have like a glass of wine and you'll probably be fine. And I'm like, well, why? Why would I want to? I mean, I don't know why we're even engaging in this because I'm not interested. I don't know why it's so important to you, but I'm not sure. Like a why those who have are still drinking and maybe protected in some way, they take it a little personally when you stop. That's part of giving alcohol up that I think like, I didn't, I didn't force you that. How others would take it so personally, in a sense, right?

27:09And I was like, what's it to you? It makes them feel some kind of maybe shame that they hadn't before around alcohol or they're doing something wrong. And I'm like, I'm not worried about the way you drink. I'm worried about the way I drink. Okay. I don't have the way I drink. If you're happy and you're good with it, you can manage a healthy relationship with alcohol. I can't. And the knowing of that empowered me and showed me so much like more there is to life. I cannot manage a good relationship, a healthy relationship with alcohol. And I can say that out loud with no problem. And it's interesting. And I, exact same way you, you can drink whatever you're going to do, like your relationship with alcohol is yours. Mine is mine. I also realized even when you said someone had said, you know, eventually, like you could have a glass of wine, but why would I want to? Why do I want to? What's it going to do?

28:09Yeah. What is in that for me? And that's the thing I think was a big shift for me was I didn't want to be the person who couldn't or shouldn't. And then I was like, but I can clearly see, right? It's not healthy. It's not making me happy. And then it was, I'm so grateful to have gotten to a place where even if right a glass of wine here and there, I don't want that. There's nothing in that for me anymore. It's not doing anything. I was at an event not too long ago and they were serving champagne and then non-alcoholic champagne. And so I put my glass down and it must have gotten switched up with somebody else's. I picked up the glass and I took a sip. I can't explain you like the feeling that went over me. It was like, I kind of felt that warmth right here and it was triggering. It was quite triggering. I just put it down, took a deep breath and I was like, this doesn't change anything. Like this milk clearly a mistake.

29:09Every once in a while, this used to happen early on after I first gave up alcohol, but it does pepper in here and there where I will have a dream where I am vividly drinking and then I get really like I wake up very shaken up. Yeah. I've 100% had that. I've always, I hear that too on coaching calls and I'm like, the way that I see it is that panic when I wake up is the universe gently being like, yeah, no, we don't want to feel that way. It's a reminder without a reminder. It's like exactly. It's like the closest you can get to how that might feel and the knowing that that's, it's not for me, it's not going to be for me. I love that. And you in the beginning, I want to circle back because in the beginning and this, oh my gosh, alcohol for me was the only tool for just about everything. And you kind of mentioned that and with stress, right, to relieve stress and then just talking about right being a mom and the pressures and all of the things and that being the only

30:13tool. I would love to hear like your tools now or what you lean into and how that's kind of shifted and evolved. Yeah, so you know, in the beginning or the first few years, I was like really into like mocktails and replacing, you know, drinks and always wanting to have something socially. Here and there, I still lean on that, but like it's not as much of a necessity. It's just like because the more that you become comfortable with yourself, you kind of don't need to have that nightcap as much and you realize that there was a good amount of time where I was indulging in dessert. Okay. And this is like kind of common, right? Like even years after like you feel the need to, I don't know, like feel that void in a sense. And so I was really leaning into that. And then I sort of like turned a corner and I wanted to get more serious about my health

31:13journey. And without alcohol, it was so much easier, by the way, to like take control of my health and wellness and get into like an exercise routine and things like that. So it's about almost like finding different things that I think like give you that sense of high in a sense, like it's like something that like really does make you feel full and like fills up your cup, like finding those things. And then like pouring into them. So like working out has been one for me, creating content, like being like I know that with alcohol present in my life, I wouldn't have had the focus that I have in the things that I'm doing. Sometimes I just get like hyper focused into stuff and it's exciting, but yeah, like channeling energies. And so that's definitely been something I'm so much more present, you know, with my kids. And I find myself even to this day, like where I'll go outside and just like observe nature. I know the sun silly, but I'll like smell it and hear it and just be so in tune with everything

32:21around me. And when I take account of that moment, it's a reminder of sobriety. And my sisters and I talk about this a lot because they've seen the same types of things. Like we just enjoying life in a different way. And they'll have these these like moments and then we share them like, oh my God, today I went for a run and I just had this like, I seem to take a deep breath and I was like, I'm sober for a reason. And like I'm enjoying every, every aspect of this run. Like this is something that none of us would have ever said before. But like I'm enjoying my look at the fact that I'm like really so in this and I'm present and I'm reaping all the benefits from it with nothing's in the way of that. Oh my gosh. I love it. Like when I'm hearing you say these things and you said it sounds silly. Oh my gosh. No, I'm like, I go outside and I hear a bird or I see like, right? Like you're just so connected and almost just you notice all of the moments and there's

33:23that gratitude for everything and like the word that came up as you were talking was just alive. Like you sound so alive. And that's not to say that every moment is good, right? But it's finding beauty in those moments and right when it comes to I'm curious because those are those are the beautiful moments and the and cherishing. They're still hard or yeah, they're still hard days. There are. So one of the challenges that has come up is that my husband still drinks. So it had it's been like us having to figure out what our balance is. And the more that I've gone through my journey and have like, you know, become so clear on who I am and what sobriety means to me, I think one of the things that's hard for me is when I watch somebody else who I love indulging because I just it's hard for

34:27me to see the point in it. And I'm like, oh, you're so much better without it. And so that's just an on honestly speaking, it's an ongoing conversation. It still comes up here and there. He's not a heavy drinker. He doesn't have a problematic relationship with alcohol. But if we are at a wedding reception or we are on a family vacation, these are things that have come up over the years, I know that sometimes I have to remove myself. I need to give myself space. So I've learned more about like how I manage these moments because he has his own agency and he has and he if he wants to indulge and have a few good drinks and like keep it going, then I know I don't want to be around that. And I'm not sure and I think everybody handles this differently, but that would be one of the challenges that continues to come up and what I value is that there's a lot of open communication about it.

35:28So I don't have to hide who I am or how I feel about it. And we can kind of openly talk about even like the judgment that I might feel, but then how that might not be fair to feel that judgment over what he's doing. And so just continuing to have that conversation. And I think that for our boys, they're six and 10 and they are observing one parent that doesn't drink and one who occasionally does. And they're starting to notice and make comments like dad has mine and mom's not drinking. And like they'll make these like, you know, they will notice these things. And then it leads to some like healthy, like what I'm trying to do is give them a healthy aspect or like outlook on alcohol because they will be older son asked me not so long ago. Why is it that you don't drink because like at the block party, all the adults were drinking and like you don't. And I told him I was like, you know, it didn't make me feel good.

36:29And I didn't like how I acted. And so what I want you to understand is that one day alcohol will be offered to you. And it's not wrong. It's a as of a 21, it is a legal substance. You might even be offered it before I sure was. And I was like, but what I'd like you to take away is that if you don't like it and it doesn't make you feel good or you feel out of control, you're allowed to say no. It's a choice. And maybe that's a powerful thing to pass forward because I didn't really see it so much as a choice. I thought, Hey, this is what everyone's doing. This is what I have to do. And so I really fell into the peer pressure in those early days. And so having these open conversations is helpful, I think, to maybe guide his decision making. And I said, you're never going to be in trouble if you drink, by the way, you're going to be in trouble. I want you to be honest with me. And then I told him about my history with drinking and why it didn't work for me.

37:30Hmm. What a beautiful, honest, open conversation. And like you said, you're not going to be in trouble. And I mean, it will most likely be offered before 21 if we're looking at all of our experiences. Right. But it's a different conversation when you open it up that you're not going to be in trouble. It's not that red button that you can't touch. Don't do it. It's forbidden fruit, right? It's just, here's how my experience was. And it, it's interesting that you mentioned that because growing up, my mom struggled for her entire life and many, a lot of people. But it was always said like you have to be careful. You have to be careful. It runs in the family. It was never, this is how it shows up, right? Just explained in a different way and broken down. I think that's so beautiful to have that observation. And it's interesting because you had mentioned, right, being a kid and seeing it, right? And your kids are asking questions. Kids notice, right? They're sponges. Yeah. I'm just a big believer in like meeting their curiosity with actual answers rather than

38:34glazing over and being like, you don't have to worry about that or no, you're not going to drink. Like, don't do that. And so there, I think part of it too, like alcohol was very glorified in my home and growing up and even in my culture. So it was always part of all the celebratory moments. But it was like, you're not supposed to do it. Don't do it. Don't drink. And so when I got to college and it was offered, it was like a conflict of like, I know I'm not probably supposed to do this. And I've been told not to, but it's also like all I've seen is how great it is. So I'm going to do it. You know? And so it's almost like when it's that forbidden thing, that's not a good thing either. And so I'm just trying to help them to have like a healthy relationship or outlook on it and have some like know that they can make their choice. It's a choice. Yeah. And they go into that choice with more information and more understanding. Yeah.

39:35Which makes it absolutely. Absolutely. It also reminds me of so I taught eighth grade middle school for 16 years, but mostly eighth grade. And I had started to do content online like during my teaching years, like the last five years or so of teaching. And so my students would see it and they would come across it. And there was a couple of pieces that had gone viral on sobriety. And so they'd come across that. I had a student who said to me, so you don't drink. And he's eighth grade, eighth grade boy. You don't drink. And I was like, actually, I don't. He goes, don't your friends make fun of you? Like don't they, don't they say anything like do they? And he's like honestly asking like, what, how did they handle? And I said, well, you know, I, I'm not going to lie to you. There have sometimes been some comments that don't make me feel comfortable or like people don't approve of my choice and make me feel a way about it. But I know that it doesn't work for me.

40:38And I'm a better person when I go to sleep at night and when I look in the mirror. And so I have now surrounded myself around friends who recognize that and see that and love me for me. And I always have a good time at the party because of that. And it was like a powerful moment because I think they, you know, my students were at the point of like being introduced to alcohol and be having it be offered and peer pressure and associating it with fun and thinking that's the only thing I can do to be cool. And so yeah, really open conversation. Wow. That's beautiful. And just again, offering a different view, a different perspective and also kind of giving, almost giving them agency. Like yeah, your friends, like your good friends, like they're still going to like you. It's not based on this thing. Like that is a, wow, incredibly powerful conversation to be able to have with your students. That's incredible. Oh my gosh.

41:38So beyond that, right? And all of these amazing shifts and changes would have been, and I feel like we've talked on some of them, but would have been some of the most like significant changes or moments that you've, you've recognized while you've been on this journey. Yeah, I think it's so hard to pinpoint. But you know, one of the things like I feel like my biggest flex, I guess he could say, is my kids have never observed me under the influence. And I think that like in the early years of my older son, he's 10. So I gave up alcohol when he was four. So he doesn't have like a memory of mom drinking. My younger one, not at all. And I think about this all the time because so much of my motherhood is shaped around this confidence that I have, like this newfound over the years confidence that I have after giving up alcohol.

42:39I think that although that's not one moment, it's so many moments and it leaves itself into like every day, I am more emotionally regulated as a mom. I'm more, I'm confident in my decisions that I make for my family, for my kids. I'm more present. And when I talk about that, like I just recall, like know my purpose of, you know, if I ever question, which I honestly, I don't, because there's been so much good that's come with being sober. It outweighs any of those like icky uncomfortable. They still happen, right? So, like, just the other day I was in with a group of women and they were all talking about different wines and this wine in Italy and that and this and they were all like, you know, in this really passionate conversation. And I just kind of stood there like feeling silly and like I, and I'm nodding along. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that like a nap by the sun, you know, I'm blong.

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47:49four free gifts at primalqueen.com slash naked mind. That's primalqueen.com slash naked mind to get a free month and four free gifts today. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know we sent you. So there are moments like that that the good, so outweighs all of that. And those are so fleeting. I feel like that is such an important thing to note to. The moments that you think will be defining or not, they're fleeting and you're really the only one who's so mindful of feeling funny in that moment because those women, they probably didn't think anything of the fact that I wasn't participating in the conversation. It was on my self-reflection. It was all sitting in me. And so I worked through it in that tiny moment and moved on. But you always think that everyone's eyes are on you and watching you.

48:53And that's just not the case. So it's so true. Yeah, it's those moments that I think stand out, right, throughout where for sure it's just my kids not seeing me as a drinker and knowing me as a drinker because I didn't like me as a drinker. I didn't like that version of me. And so they don't, they're never going to experience her and I really love that. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that is incredible. And I love the language you used when you're describing that scenario. Like I was feeling funny because it's interesting. I know for me like initially if I felt like I was on the outside of whether it was an experience or a conversation at first, it would feel really heavy. And I think I almost associated my identity with it like I'm the non-tunker or right. And now it's like, oh, this is kind of funny. Like I just don't have anything to contribute, but I don't view it in any negative association within my identity and my choice.

49:54Would you say that's safe to say that's true for you too? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And yesterday I was with a couple of girlfriends, one of whom have also like given up alcohol. And in the conversation we were chatting, something came up, we were reflecting on it. It was a catch up after a long time and we were catching up on like motherhood and early days in. I was saying something about being postpartum and talking to the therapist and I was like and you know, like that, then I realized I was in a hall like and it just, I blurted it out, but it's like over time I've become more comfortable. I know some people don't care for the labels, but like that is what was that, that is what it was. Like it is what it is. And so now I say it with more confidence and just like share it because I'm not ashamed to say that that's part. I had to be that person to become this person. Like I have to love that version of me too.

50:54I have to go back and give her grace. I have to understand what led up to the alcohol abuse and the addiction and the alcohol is I have to love her because I had to get through all of that to become this version of me. And you know, and so I, it's, it definitely is a process, right? Like getting there and loving every version of yourself. Absolutely. There, yeah, there's a quote and it's something about being able to look back at every version of yourself and love them because every single version was a version that got you to this one now. Right. And whether you choose a label, whether, right? And I know alcohol used to sort of kind of illustrates more of the spectrum. I remember someone actually in the path mentioning I didn't abuse alcohol, alcohol abused me and I was like, oh, that's a shift. I'm like, that is a shift. That is a shift. Yeah, I can feel, but it's, yeah, it's different when you're able to speak about your experience.

51:57Again, not like it's your identity. Like that was a, that was a part of your life. That was a part of your story, a part of your existence, but it's not the whole story. No. Right. You're writing your continuing to write a really beautiful story right now. And so is there anything currently that you're working towards or just excited about that's coming up for you right now in your journey? Yeah, I think that I'm just so focused on like the work that I'm doing online and I focus on raising boys without traditional gender roles and norms and without patriarchy living in our home. And so I just feel so focused on that and able to be so intentional. And like I just account that to being so far. Yeah. And so anything that I'm putting my mind to, the sobriety is like sitting in the back of it, you know, and it's like propping it up and it's like allowing it's the foundation.

53:02And I think that like I don't talk as much about sobriety anymore on my page, but every time that I do it brings in more people who need to hear the message and need to feel seen in it. And so that always comes through as well. Absolutely. And even if you're not necessarily sharing that part of the story, it influences everything else that you're sharing, right? The growth, the personal development, if it's health things, it is all from this clear space that you have created for yourself. Exactly. There's like so much clarity. Yeah. Yeah. If you were to, if you were to think about, oh, oh, this is maybe tricky, but like your top three things that you treasure most within this clear space, what would those look like? Yeah. So I think that like being the, what I had said earlier, like I am somebody who is dependable.

54:08Like I'm a, I've become like this person who people can count on. And I wasn't that before. And so I, and I can count on myself. And that's been such a special thing to lean into and like learn that I can be that person for others and for myself. I like my motherhood is so impacted by, and yes, that kind of blends in, but the presence that I have with my kids and I'm very intentional about a lot of things that we do in our home. And I feel like I can constantly, every day wake up, you know, being that person for them and being intentional about the parenting that I want to, the parent that I want to be for them. And then I think like showing up for like my audience to online and being like a safe space. And so sobriety impacts that too. Absolutely. Yeah. It really, as you're talking, truly impacts every facet of life.

55:10Yeah. I don't think there, yeah, there's no like separating it anymore. You know, like because it's just part of every moment from the second I wake up because there's no hangover. So that's why too. Because like I feel good. And you know, one thing that's interesting is like, if I am falling sick at all, like, you know, if I have a cold or stomach's not good or whatever, it's really interesting how like now I know my body so much better, like a hangover isn't clouding what I might be feeling. So there is like, you're more in touch with yourself and like knowing what might be off or what night. And that's like that to me is really interesting. Like that was something that happened over time. But I was like, wow, I really like, I'm so in tune and in touch with myself that it's never like if I'm with RJ, then it might be a red flag. Like what am I doing differently? Now I can look at what's gone on prior to that to pin point because it's not the alcohol.

56:17Alcohol is not part of the equation, which is really cool. You know, absolutely. Yeah, you just feel that connection. And I, yeah, sometimes I'll explain people I'm like, oh, I'm feeling this and they'll kind of look and I'm like, I'm very in tune with myself. There's nothing clouding. Yeah. Nothing, nothing blurring the lenses, nothing, right? You feel everything in a very clear way, which is, yeah, that's fascinating. I've never actually thought of it in that way. So I love that. I know that we always, I always finish this podcast, right? Asking the same question because I think it helps listeners. And I think, oh, my gosh, so much of what you have shared is so, so incredibly relatable. And that alone is going to help so many people. But for those who are just starting a similar journey or maybe right, they have that feeling. Like it really touched something within me when you said that you recognize that your relationship with alcohol was different.

57:17Like I felt so seen in those words. What advice or encouragement would you offer to the person who's listening? I would say that listen to other people's stories. That was one of the most powerful things for me is to listen to other people's stories. And when I started to see myself in their stories, I think that it deepened what I knew about myself and that I could, and that, you know, there were others who got past this, right? Like they were on the other side of it. And so when you allow yourself to see somebody who has gone through something similar, but they're on the other side of it, it builds that hope and the resilience that you have within yourself that, and believe in that, to carry you through. Absolutely. Yeah. And completely, I think listening, right? I know for myself, I don't have a lot of hope or belief that it's possible. So right when you're listening to these stories, you can hear, hearts of yourself in the story,

58:18but also right that that is 100% possible for you as well. Yeah. And like taking yourself to the end of it, like it, you know, early on when I would have like a craving or I would have a like momentary lapse and I would want to just pick up a bottle and drink. I would always think, let me take myself to like fast forward to tomorrow morning fast. Let me fast forward to tomorrow morning and how am I going to feel about this decision? And then I could like move past and that moment was again, it's fleeting. It's such a fleeting moment that once you get past it, like you can focus on something else. Like you can like, you know, try to put yourself in a different headspace because I knew that that next morning feeling is not what I did not want that. And so try to like fast forward a little because those moments happen really often, like, you know, when you're first giving it up and you're so used to being surrounded by

59:20alcohol. We're leaning on it. So try to take yourself to the end of it. Yeah. I love that playing the tape ahead. I had a very, very similar thought when if a thought right would pop up, it wouldn't be, do you want to drink? My mind would go to because I had paralyzing crippling 3 a.m. anxiety, like that tight chest. Yes. Oh my gosh. And so it wouldn't, my playing the tape ahead was not, do you want to drink? It was, do you want to lay in bed again with that sense of absolute dread? And that was like the most clear no. Very quickly and clearly. And so to your point, right, when you play that tape ahead and you consider that next morning, how do you want to feel? It helps to interrupt that pattern. Exactly. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Thank you so much for jumping on and joining me. Is there anything else that you would like to share before we close out?

1:00:22Thank you for just having me here and allowing me to reflect. I will say it's been a while, I think, since I've like revisited this story. And so just to bring it to life again, because it is a huge part of my life and it always will be. Yeah. Absolutely. Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If something in this conversation inspired you or made you feel seen or sparked a shift, we'd be so grateful if you'd left a rating or review. Not only does it help others find the show, but it just might be the thing that gives someone else the courage to start their own journey. And if you're ready to explore how this naked mind can support you on your path to greater health and freedom, visit thisnakedmindpodcast.com. You'll find free resources, programs, social links, and everything you need to take that next best step. And if you have your own naked life story to share, we'd be honored to hear it. You can submit it there as well. Until next week, stay curious.