0:00
Coming up next on Passion Struck, we are hunter-gatherers with smartphones.
0:06
That's not just a clever line. It's the root of so much of the anxiety, burnout,
0:12
division, and quiet exhaustion so many of us feel heading into 2026.
0:17
We're small group animals. Of all, for tribes of under 150 people,
0:22
yet we're trying to live in a world of 8 billion.
0:26
The result? A profound mismatch.
0:28
Your brain isn't failing you when you feel overwhelmed by the news,
0:33
polarized by politics, or drained by an endless social feed.
0:37
It's doing exactly what it was designed to do,
0:40
treating anyone outside your natural circle as other.
0:44
A potential threat, not your tribe.
0:47
Today, in this first solo episode of 2026,
0:50
we're not adding one more goal or habit to chase global connection.
0:54
We're doing the exact opposite. We're going to reset your world to the size
0:59
your brain can actually handle so you can finally thrive in 2026.
1:04
Stay with me, because shrinking your world might be the key to growing your impact,
1:10
your peace, and your meaning.
1:13
Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles.
1:16
This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing,
1:20
and what it truly means to live like it matters.
1:23
Each week, I sit down with change makers,
1:25
creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience,
1:30
and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning,
1:32
heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression
1:36
of who we're capable of becoming.
1:38
Whether you're designing your future,
1:39
developing as a leader, or seeking deeper alignment in your life,
1:43
this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention.
1:47
Because the secret to a life of deep purpose,
1:50
connection and impact, is choosing to live like you matter.
2:01
Hey friends, welcome back to episode 711 of Passion Struck.
2:05
I can't believe it's already January 2nd, 2026.
2:09
The tree is down. The inbox is already full,
2:12
and the world is pushing those familiar, new year, new Euclashese.
2:17
But over the past five weeks, we've taken a much different path.
2:21
We call this the season of becoming,
2:23
because before the resolutions come, the revelations.
2:26
We started by remembering how to choose ourselves again,
2:30
reclaiming our worth after seasons of dimming our own light.
2:33
We saw courage, not as some rare trait,
2:36
but as a daily micro-choice anyone can make,
2:39
with Brent Gleason and Henner Pryor showing us the discipline and the science of discomfort.
2:44
We discovered how deeply we matter to the people who matter most.
2:47
That belonging isn't something we wait for, but something we co-create.
2:51
Alongside Joshua Green, Rick Hanson, Ollie Raisin, Boris McGuire,
2:56
and Mark Murphy's Wisdom,
2:58
ungrowing the moral circle, tribal adventure,
3:01
and cultures of true connection.
3:02
We tap back into play, improvisation, creativity and flow,
3:07
proof that reinvention doesn't have to feel heavy.
3:10
Through Susan Grouw and Ann Libber's beautiful reminders of intuition,
3:14
healing, and spontaneity.
3:16
And this week, David Nurse helped us step into the identity that's been waiting for us.
3:21
While Congresswoman Sarah Jacobs reminded us that even inside constraints we never
3:26
asked for, biology, timing, grief, and limits,
3:29
we still get to author our own story.
3:32
For me, the real gift has been watching your messages come in.
3:36
You told me about the conversations you finally had.
3:39
The habits you quietly released, the risks you took,
3:43
the moments you chose yourself again.
3:45
Those revelations were lived together these past weeks.
3:49
The quiet choices, the small acts of courage,
3:51
the moments we reclaimed our own light.
3:54
They've added up to something unmistakable.
3:57
You, a clear, braver, more intentional you.
4:02
And now, as we stand here on January 2nd,
4:06
the question that's been pressing on me is this.
4:09
How do we protect that clearer,
4:11
braver you in a world that's constantly pulling us outward
4:15
into noise, comparison, and a crowd of eight billion?
4:19
That's exactly what we're going to explore today.
4:22
Thank you for choosing PassionStruct and choosing me to be your host and guide
4:25
on your journey to creating an intentional life.
4:27
Now, let that journey begin.
4:35
So here's the reset I've been living.
4:37
And the one that's going to define my 2026.
4:41
I call it the Dunbar Reset.
4:43
In the 1990s, a British anthropologist named Robin Dunbar
4:47
noticed something fascinating.
4:48
He saw a clear pattern across primate species.
4:52
The larger the neocortex, the part of the brain
4:55
that handles complex social thinking,
4:57
the larger the typical group size.
4:59
When he ran the numbers for humans,
5:01
he landed on a number that's hunted me ever since.
5:08
150 is your biological ceiling.
5:11
The maximum number of stable, meaningful relationships,
5:15
your neocortex can truly manage at one time.
5:18
It's the limit for what Dunbar calls social grimming.
5:21
The mental and emotional work of tracking who people are,
5:25
what they need, who they're connected to,
5:28
and whether they're trustworthy.
5:30
Beyond 150, we physically can't keep up.
5:33
The connections don't just get thinner.
5:37
They turn into acquaintances, contacts,
5:40
avatars, not real kin.
5:43
But here's where it gets dangerous.
5:46
Paul Ehrlich, the legendary biologist,
5:48
recently wrote a sobering reflection
5:51
on what he calls humanity's group size problem.
5:54
He says we are fundamentally small group animals,
5:58
evolved for bands of 100 to 200,
6:01
now trying to survive in a world of 8 billion.
6:04
And when groups grow too large,
6:06
something predictable and ugly happens.
6:09
We stop seeing individuals with full stories,
6:13
We start seeing categories.
6:16
Our brains take the shortcut.
6:18
If someone isn't in our intimate circle,
6:21
they become the other.
6:23
That's exactly the biological seed of the stereotypes,
6:27
the tribalism, the political vitriol,
6:30
the religious divides,
6:31
all the myth-making that turns complex humans
6:36
We aren't being cruel on purpose.
6:38
We're being mal-adaptive.
6:40
We're trying to use a brain built for gathering around a campfire
6:45
to process a planet connected by satellites.
6:49
Now, look at your life right now.
6:54
Every algorithm you touch is engineered to keep you engaged
6:58
with groups of millions.
7:00
Maybe hundreds of millions.
7:02
It serves your outrage from strangers you'll never meet.
7:05
Comparisons with lives you'll never live.
7:08
Opinions from people who don't know your name.
7:10
The digital world is pushing you toward a tribe of a billion.
7:14
Your biology, though, is quietly screaming
7:19
That friction, that group-sized mismatch,
7:22
is the silent engine driving so much of the burnout,
7:26
the anxiety, the exhaustion, so many of us feel.
7:30
It's why you can scroll for an hour
7:32
and feel more trained than if you'd run five miles.
7:36
It's why the world's problems feel crushing
7:39
even when your own life is objectively okay.
7:42
It's what Henry David Thoreau
7:44
meant by living in quiet desperation
7:47
because you're emotionally over leveraged.
7:50
You're trying to carry the weight of a global village
7:53
on a skeleton built for a small band of hunter-gatherers.
7:57
I want you to hear this clearly.
7:59
The anxiety you feel when you look at the world
8:02
isn't a character flaw.
8:04
It's not because you're not empathetic enough
8:06
or informed enough or resilient enough.
8:10
It's biology, meeting, technology,
8:13
or look warns that if we don't recognize this predicament
8:16
we're headed towards a ghastly future
8:18
of deeper division and despair.
8:21
But there is a way out.
8:22
We can't rewire our neocortex
8:25
but we can rewire our social world.
8:28
We can choose to shrink the map
8:30
so we can finally find our way home.
8:32
But to find that way home
8:34
we have to challenge a modern myth.
8:37
The idea that bigger is always better for the soul.
8:41
That's the Dunbar Reset and it starts now
8:44
but accepting the science isn't enough.
8:46
It forces us to confront a question
8:49
most of us have been taught to avoid.
8:51
So if we can accept the science of the 150
8:54
if we accept that our brains are physically hitting a ceiling
8:57
it leads us to a radical almost
9:00
a radical conclusion for 2026.
9:03
What if the most ethical thing you can do this year
9:06
is to be less global?
9:08
For years we have been told that to be a good person
9:12
a responsible citizen means carrying the weight
9:15
of the entire world in our pockets.
9:17
We're supposed to have an opinion on every conflict,
9:20
a stance on every policy,
9:22
awareness of every tragedy across eight billion people.
9:27
But pause and look at the results.
9:29
Is the world more peaceful because of it?
9:31
Or are we just more exhausted, more polarized, more paralyzed?
9:37
When you try to care equally about everyone
9:40
you end up with the emotional bandwidth
9:42
to truly care for no one.
9:45
By trying to be global
9:46
we've spread ourselves so thin
9:48
that we've lost our real agency.
9:51
And I'm arguing that in 2026
9:54
the greatest act of social responsibility
9:56
is to relocalize, to shrink your focus to the scale
10:00
where your actions, your empathy, your energy
10:03
actually moves the needle.
10:05
And this brings us to the hardest question
10:07
in Paul Erlich's text.
10:09
He asks, is there an optimal level of diversity
10:12
for a given society?
10:14
That's uncomfortable, it's heavy.
10:16
But here's the counterintuitive truth.
10:18
Diversity is a biological strength in small groups.
10:22
But it becomes a trigger for conflict in massive ones.
10:25
In a group of 150, your actual tribe,
10:28
diversity is an asset.
10:30
You have the person who knows the plants.
10:32
The person who reads the weather,
10:34
the storyteller, the healer.
10:36
You know their names, you know their kids.
10:38
You see their flaws and their gifts up close.
10:41
In a small group, intimacy overrides the other.
10:45
You don't see a label, you see Mark, you see Sarah.
10:49
But once you scale to millions, intimacy disappears.
10:53
Our brains can no longer hold the individual stories
10:57
of the faces on our screens.
10:59
So we fall back on those maladaptive shortcuts
11:02
Erlich warned about.
11:03
We stop seeing humans and start seeing political opponents,
11:08
foreigners, demographics,
11:11
to truly value diversity, to live it,
11:14
not just post about it.
11:15
We have to return to a scale where we can actually see
11:19
the human behind the category.
11:21
You cannot truly love a demographic.
11:24
You can only truly love a neighbor.
11:27
The human predicament is that we've built a global society.
11:31
Our biology doesn't know how to inhabit.
11:34
We're trying to navigate a sea of billions
11:36
with a compass calibrated for a few hundred.
11:39
So as you think about your intentions for this year,
11:42
I want you to ask yourself a different question.
11:45
What is my optimal scale?
11:48
If you want to change the world in 2026,
11:51
stop trying to reach the masses.
11:54
The masses don't exist.
11:56
They're just millions of small groups who've lost their way.
11:59
Your real power is to build one high functioning,
12:02
high intimacy, micro society.
12:06
Because as Erlich says,
12:08
the first task is to get a portion of society
12:12
to understand this situation.
12:13
An understanding doesn't start in a football stadium.
12:17
It starts at the campfire.
12:19
That's where the Dunbar Reset becomes revolutionary.
12:23
And we'll get practical next.
12:24
But before we do, before we turn those ideas into action,
12:28
I want to acknowledge something that always surfaces right about here.
12:34
The biology feels true.
12:35
But when you start thinking about actually shrinking your world,
12:40
auditing your connections, pruning the noise,
12:42
choosing death over breath, it stirs things up.
12:46
There's discomfort, there's guilt.
12:48
There's the fear of missing out, or seeming cold,
12:51
or losing some part of yourself.
12:53
And every week, I hear from listeners who say things like,
12:57
I get the world is too big,
12:58
but how do I let go of certain people or feeds
13:01
without feeling like it's becoming smaller or harder?
13:05
How do I protect my energy without closing my heart?
13:08
That's why we create free companion workbooks
13:10
for episodes just like this one.
13:12
They're quiet, no pressure tools,
13:14
designed to help you move from insight to live change.
13:17
Gentle reflection questions to map your circles with compassion.
13:21
Not cold calculation.
13:22
Private practice is to release distant noise
13:25
without guilt or drama.
13:27
Grumps to notice how much clearer and calmer you feel
13:30
when the outer layers quiet down.
13:32
Small challenges to invest deeply in your true tribe.
13:35
So the space you create fills with real connection
13:38
because the Dunbar Reset is an automatic.
13:41
It's not a one-time decision.
13:43
It's a series of kind, intentional choices we practice.
13:46
One boundary, one unfollow, one deeper conversation at a time.
13:51
You can download this week's free episode
13:53
and all the others directly from the post
13:54
that accompanies every episode.
13:57
Just head to the IgnitedLife.net and join the community.
14:00
It's completely free.
14:02
Now, a quick break from our sponsors.
14:04
Thank you for supporting those who make the show possible.
14:10
Hey, friends, there's something about March
14:12
that makes you want to reset your space.
14:14
For me, that started in the kitchen,
14:15
clearing out what I didn't need
14:17
and upgrading what I use every single day.
14:20
That's when I brought in Caraway.
14:22
What I love is how simple Caraway makes everything.
14:26
The ceramic coating means food just lifts right off.
14:29
So I'm using less oil,
14:30
clean up, take seconds,
14:31
and cooking actually feels enjoyable again.
14:34
But it's not just performance.
14:36
It's the intentional design.
14:37
The storage system keeps everything organized
14:40
and I've become a lot more mindful
14:42
about what I bring into my home.
14:44
And that's why it's so important
14:46
that Caraway is third-party tested
14:48
and made with high standards,
14:50
which just gives me more confidence
14:52
and what I'm using every day.
14:54
It's one of those upgrades you feel immediately.
14:57
Caraway's cookware set is a favorite for a reason.
15:00
It can save you up to $230
15:02
versus buying the items individually.
15:05
Plus, if you visit CarawayHome.com slash PassionStruck,
15:09
you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.
15:12
The steel is exclusive for our listeners.
15:15
So visit CarawayHome.com slash PassionStruck
15:18
or use code PassionStruck at checkout.
15:21
Caraway, non-toxic kitchenware made modern.
15:26
You're listening to PassionStruck
15:28
on the PassionStruck network.
15:31
Now, let's get practical.
15:33
Because the good news is this isn't just theory.
15:36
It's something you can begin this weekend.
15:39
So how do we actually live this?
15:42
How do we stop being maladaptive in 2026?
15:45
It starts with a social audit.
15:47
If your brain only has 150 slots
15:50
for real nuanced human beings,
15:52
who is currently squatting in your mental village?
15:55
Is it a toxic influencer whose outrage
15:58
you've unconsciously adopted?
16:00
Is it a distant acquaintance
16:01
from a job you left five years ago?
16:04
This weekend, I want you to sit down with a piece of paper
16:07
or your notes app and be brutally honest.
16:10
Map your actual circles, your inner five,
16:14
your 15, your 50, and your full 150.
16:18
If someone doesn't belong in that 150 anymore,
16:21
you have to move them from connection to ghost.
16:25
This is something I also talk about in my book PassionStruck
16:28
when I talk about doing a mosquito audit,
16:31
getting those blood suckers,
16:33
those invisible suffocators, those pain in the asses,
16:37
out of your group of 150.
16:40
Because when you prune the outer noise,
16:42
mute the feeds and follow the accounts.
16:46
Step back from the digital groups that drain your battery
16:49
without ever nourishing your soul.
16:51
You start realizing this isn't about being mean.
16:54
It's about biological survival.
16:57
You're clearing the land so something real can actually grow.
17:02
Once you've cleared the noise,
17:03
the next move is to protect the inner rings.
17:06
We've all done it backwards.
17:08
We give our best energy to the global audience
17:11
and hand the leftovers to our inner five.
17:14
I want you to flip the script in 2026.
17:17
Make the walks, the 30 minute calls,
17:20
the dinners with your five and your 15 non-negotiable.
17:24
Put them on the calendar first before the content,
17:27
before the hustle, before the scroll.
17:29
And if you do this audit and realize your circles feel thin,
17:34
That's actually the beginning of health.
17:36
Don't go chasing followers,
17:38
intentionally fill the gaps.
17:41
Invest in one real world community,
17:44
a local club, a faith group,
17:46
a hobby meetup, a small mastermind,
17:49
where you can slowly move people from strangers
17:53
Intimacy almost always requires physical presence.
17:58
Step three, turn localism into your activism.
18:02
We have been trained to shout into the void
18:05
about global crises we can't fix.
18:08
Paul Erlich says our biggest barrier
18:10
is the sheer size of the groups we're trying to manage.
18:13
So in 2026, stop despairing over problems measured in billions.
18:18
Pick one problem you can actually solve
18:21
for 150 people or fewer.
18:23
Start a neighborhood garden
18:24
instead of posting about food insecurity.
18:27
Organize a small mastermind
18:29
instead of lamenting the economy.
18:31
Start a compassion circle.
18:34
Coach a youth team, lead a book club.
18:37
When you solve a real problem at tribe scale,
18:40
you aren't just helping.
18:42
You're creating a sustainable social system
18:44
that matches our species.
18:48
And it ripples farther than any viral rant ever could.
18:52
And then finally, for the leaders listening,
18:55
anti-scale your business.
18:57
Look at WL Gore and Associates, the makers of GoreTex.
19:01
They discovered decades ago
19:03
that once a facility exceeds about 150 people,
19:06
we starts turning into they.
19:09
Truster roads, bureaucracy creeps in.
19:12
Their radical solution, every time a plant hits that limit,
19:16
they build a new one.
19:17
They keep the tribe intact.
19:19
Ask yourself, how can I break my company?
19:21
My team, my projects in the units of 150 or fewer.
19:25
How can I lead a tribe instead of a workforce?
19:29
Urlux said, the very least we should do is try.
19:33
Nothing is more impractical than marching blindly
19:36
into a ghastly future because we refused
19:38
to acknowledge our own biology.
19:41
So this year, don't try to be a global titan.
19:43
Be a tribal anchor.
19:50
Because when we fix our groups, we fix our lives.
19:53
And if this idea of the Dumbar Reset shrinking your world
19:56
to grow your peace resonates with you,
19:59
I'd love for you to help me bring this message
20:01
to someone else's campfire.
20:02
First, share this episode with one person
20:06
Someone who needs to hear
20:08
that their exhaustion isn't personal failure.
20:11
Second, if you haven't already,
20:13
leave a quick rating or review
20:14
on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
20:16
Those reviews are how new people find us
20:18
and join this community.
20:20
And third, I have something very special coming
20:22
for families in your tribe.
20:24
On February 24th, 2026,
20:26
my new children's book, You Matter Luma launches.
20:29
A story about seeing and being seen.
20:31
Written to help kids.
20:33
And the adults reading to them,
20:34
remember they matter exactly as they are.
20:37
You can pre-order it now at Barnes & Noble
20:39
where you matterluma.com.
20:41
Every pre-order helps get this message
20:43
into more small hands and hearts.
20:47
Now, let's close with one final reflection
20:51
We covered a lot today.
20:52
We've looked straight at the science of Dunbar's number
20:55
and the sobering warning from Paul Urleck
20:58
that trying to live in groups of billions
21:00
is quite simply maladaptive.
21:03
But the remedy isn't a new app.
21:05
It isn't a bigger network or a louder voice.
21:09
2026 isn't about the billion.
21:12
It's about the 150.
21:14
This year, your goal isn't to be known by the world.
21:18
It's to be deeply known by your tribe
21:20
and to deeply know them in return.
21:23
Let's make 2026 the year that we finally come home
21:26
to our biological roots.
21:28
Let's choose the campfire over the stadium.
21:32
And so here we are, the start of something new.
21:35
Before the world asks you to be anything else,
21:38
before the demands of a new year start pulling at your sleeve,
21:41
we have this one small window
21:43
to choose what travels with us.
21:46
Today, you don't have to release everything.
21:49
You only have to do one thing.
21:51
Name one piece of large group weight you've carried long enough.
21:55
Maybe it's the outrage over things you cannot change.
21:58
Maybe it's the exhaustion of trying to be seen
22:01
by people who don't truly know you.
22:03
Maybe it's the quiet ache of caring a world
22:06
that was never yours to hold alone.
22:08
Thank that weight for what it once protected.
22:10
Thank it for the alertness it gave you.
22:13
The empathy it tried to grow.
22:15
The connection it reached for.
22:17
And then with the same kindness you'd give a child
22:20
who's finally ready to put down a heavy toy,
22:22
give it permission to rest.
22:24
This isn't a resolution.
22:28
I vow to be gentle with what I released today.
22:32
I vow to honor the space it leaves behind.
22:35
And I vow to fill that space
22:37
with the faces and names of my true 150.
22:41
Thank you for walking this season with me.
22:43
And as we move from this quiet realization
22:46
into the action of a new year,
22:48
I have a very special conversation coming your way.
22:51
Next Tuesday, I'm sitting down with Stephen Post.
22:54
Author of Pure Unlimited Love.
22:56
It's the perfect kickoff to our new series,
22:59
The Meaning Makers.
23:00
Stephen and I are going to explore the biology
23:03
and the soul of altruism.
23:05
What happens to us when we move beyond the self
23:08
and into the deep, unlimited love
23:10
that actually sustains a community?
23:12
If today was about the size of your tribe,
23:15
Friday is about the spirit that holds that tribe together.
23:19
It's a conversation that will change how you see your neighbor
23:22
and how you see yourself.
23:23
You won't want to miss it.
23:25
Freedom means a lot to me,
23:26
but more in terms of honoring the spirit of freedom,
23:31
which means a positive version of the golden rule,
23:35
which means much more to me than the negative version.
23:38
Do not do unto others,
23:40
which it would not happen to you.
23:42
Well, I can get home tonight,
23:43
and if I haven't kicked anybody in the shin,
23:46
I can probably feel okay about myself,
23:49
But if I've used my moral imagination
23:52
and I've asked myself,
23:53
how can I contribute meaningfully and positively
23:57
to the lives around me,
23:58
then I've fulfilled the golden rule.
24:01
Until then, you've been passion struck.
24:04
Choose gentleness over force,
24:06
choose space over weight,
24:08
and live like the life you're becoming,
24:11
and finally feel it.