I declined to allow my SOON-TO-BE RELATIVE-IN-LAW to reside with us POST-WEDDING, prompting

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace.

Last year, I went through many different life changes.

I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside

to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself.

When you're navigating life's changes, Talkspace can help.

Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support

from licensed therapists and psychiatry providers that you can access anywhere.

Living a busy life, navigating a long-distance relationship,

becoming a first step father, Talkspace made all of those journeys possible.

I could speak with my therapist in the office,

I could speak with my therapist in the comfort of my home.

I was never alone.

Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a zero-dollar

copay, no insurance, no problem.

Now get $80 off your first month with promo code space80 when you go to Talkspace.com.

Match with a licensed therapist today at Talkspace.com.

Save $80 with code space80 at Talkspace.com.

I wish you enjoy the tale.

I declined to allow my soon-to-be relative-in-law to reside with us post-wedding,

prompting my partner's relatives to disclose their intention to rely on our marriage

for financial support in their retirement years instead.

So I walked away.

I 24F have been with my boyfriend 25M for four years now and we are planning to get married

in the next two to three years.

I think I should give you all some background about how we met and how our relationship

has been before getting into the current situation.

We met during our final year of college when we were both taking the same elective class.

He was an international student who had moved here for college when he was 18,

while I was born and raised here.

We started off as study partners and gradually developed feelings for each other.

From the beginning, I knew his family lived overseas and he had been independent since

moving here for college.

He worked part-time jobs throughout college to support himself and never relied on anyone else.

This was one of the things that attracted me to him, his determination and independence.

He told me about his family back home, his parents and younger brother who was then 11 years old.

He would often talk about how much he missed them but was proud of building his own life here.

After graduation, we both found jobs in the same city and continued our relationship.

We discussed moving in together but decided to wait until marriage,

mainly because of his cultural background and his family's traditional values.

I respected this decision and we maintained separate apartments.

Our relationship has been strong these past four years,

with good communication and mutual respect,

though the last year has been somewhat rocky due to increasing family-related issues.

Recently, we started discussing our future plans more seriously since we're planning

to get married in two to three years.

During one of these conversations, he brought up something that completely caught me off guard.

He told me that he wants his younger brother 15M to move here when we get married,

so his brother can finish high school here and then attend college while living with us.

At first, I tried to be understanding about this.

I know how much he misses his family and how he wants to help his brother get better educational

opportunities. However, the more we discussed the details, the more concerned I became.

This would mean starting our married life with three people in the house instead of

just us as a newlywed couple. When I expressed these concerns, he dismissed them saying we would

adjust and it would be fine. I have spent time with his family during our three visits overseas

in the past four years. His brother was 11 when I first met him and he seemed like a sweet kid then.

However, as he's grown into a teenager, his attitude, especially towards me, has changed dramatically.

He looks up to my boyfriend immensely and follows whatever my boyfriend says without question.

But with me, it's a completely different story. During our last visit six months ago,

his brother's behavior towards me was particularly disrespectful.

He would make snide comments about my appearance, mock my attempts to speak their language,

and often ignore my presence entirely. When we all sat together for meals, he would speak

in their native language and laugh while looking at me, clearly making jokes at my expense.

Whenever I tried to engage him in conversation, he would give one word answers or just walk away.

The worst incident happened when I was helping their mother in the kitchen.

His brother came in and started telling her something in their language, gesturing at me and laughing.

Though I couldn't understand everything, I caught enough words to know he was making fun of how I was

cutting vegetables. When I looked to my boyfriend to say something, he just shrugged it off saying

his brother was just being playful. I don't have siblings myself, but I am very close to my cousins

who are around the same age as my boyfriend's brother. They have always been respectful towards my

boyfriend, and on the rare occasions when they weren't, I immediately addressed it. One time,

my younger cousin made a comment about my boyfriend's accent, and I pulled him aside right then and

explained why that wasn't acceptable. I expect the same support from my boyfriend when it comes to

his brother's behavior towards me, but he seems blind to the issue. After several discussions about

the future living arrangement, I suggested a compromise. I said his brother could stay with us until

he turns 18 and finishes high school since he would be a minor and couldn't live alone.

However, once he starts college, he would need to move into student housing or get his own

apartment like other college students. I even offered that we could help him find a place nearby,

maybe even in the same apartment complex, so my boyfriend could still look out for him.

I thought this was a reasonable solution that would allow us to help his brother while maintaining

our own space as a married couple. My boyfriend completely rejected this idea. He insisted that his

brother needs to live with us throughout college and even after graduating. When I asked why his

brother couldn't live independently like he did when he came here for college.

Some foods meant that Jay Uso here from the WWE. When it's just me between matches, it's day one

itch. That means it's chumba time. With hundreds of casino style games and new titles arriving weekly,

there's always something fresh to try at chumba casino. The daily booze make it even more fun

and have me about to get them all during my downtime. Ready for a fun way to chill out and enjoy a few

minutes for yourself? Let's chumba! No purchase necessary. VGW Group Void were prohibited by

law CTs and Cs, 21 plus sponsored by chumba casino. If you work in university maintenance,

Granger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip-off

and Granger is your trusted partner. Offering the products you need, all in one place,

from HVAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more, and all delivered with plenty of time left

on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRanger, visit Granger.com or just

stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. He got defensive and said the situations were

different because he would be here to help his brother. We've had multiple heated arguments about

this over the past few months. Each time, my boyfriend refuses to consider any compromise.

I finally told him that I cannot start my married life feeling like a third will in my own home.

I want to be able to walk around comfortably, have private conversations with my husband,

and build our own family dynamics without constantly having to consider a third person's presence.

Instead of understanding my perspective, he accused me of trying to separate him from his family.

He said that because I am an only child, I could never understand the bonds between siblings

and family obligations. This hurt me deeply because I have always supported his relationship with

his family. I encouraged him to make regular video calls with them, helped him pick out gifts to

send home, and never complained about the money he sends to support them. After thinking about this

situation for several weeks, I told him that if we cannot agree on such a fundamental issue about

our future living situation, it might be better to end our relationship now rather than face bigger

problems after marriage. He got angry and said I was giving him an ultimatum and forcing him to

choose between me and his brother. I am starting to question if I am being unreasonable about this

whole situation. While I care about his brother's education and future, I also want to build my own

life and family with my boyfriend without feeling like I am always competing for his attention or

dealing with disrespect in my own home. Update 1

First of all, I want to thank everyone who commented on my original post. Reading your responses

helped me realize that I wasn't being unreasonable and wanting to establish boundaries for my future

marriage. However, things have gotten much more complicated since my last post. After reading all your

comments, I decided to have another conversation with my boyfriend to try and resolve this situation.

I invited him over to my apartment last weekend, thinking we could have a calm discussion about

our future. I had even prepared some points about how we could support his brother without

compromising our marriage, like helping him find an apartment near our future home or setting up

a schedule for regular family dinners. But the conversation took an unexpected turn that

completely blindsided me. As we were talking, my boyfriend revealed something he had never told

me before, apparently, before even proposing a relationship to his parents four years ago.

He had made them a promise. He had assured them that he would always take care of his younger brother

and have him live with him when he comes of age. This wasn't just a casual comment,

it was a formal promise made during a serious family discussion about our relationship.

When I asked him why he had kept this from me for four years, his response left me speechless.

He said he didn't think it was important to tell me because he assumed I would understand it

and accept it since I knew how close he was to his family. He acted like this massive decision

about our future living situation was so minor that it didn't even warrant a discussion with me,

his future wife. The more we talked, the more details came out.

Apparently, this promise wasn't just about housing his brother, it was part of a larger agreement

with his parents. When he first told them about me, they were hesitant about him dating someone

from a different cultural background. To ease their concerns, he had promised them several things

that he would maintain their cultural traditions in our home, that his brother would live with us

when he comes here, and that we would always prioritize family obligations.

What hurt me even more was discovering that his entire family had been treating this arrangement

as a done deal all along. During our visits to his family over the past four years,

they would often discuss these plans right in front of me. They would talk about which room

would be his brothers, how they would decorate it, and even discuss what rules would be set once he

moves in. All of these conversations happened in their native language, which I only understand

partially, so I never realized what they were actually planning. Looking back now, I remember moments

during our visits where they would suddenly switch to their language when discussing certain topics,

and everyone would nod along while occasionally glancing at me. I had always felt slightly

uncomfortable during these moments but brushed it off as cultural differences.

Now I realized they were literally planning my future household without my knowledge or consent.

When I confronted my boyfriend about keeping such a huge decision from me for four years,

his defense made things even worse. He said he didn't actively hide it from me, he just never

found the right time to bring it up. He actually tried to blame me, saying that if I had learned

their language better, I would have understood what they were discussing. This made me question

what other major decisions he might have made about our future without consulting me.

The situation escalated when his parents somehow found out about our disagreement.

I suspect my boyfriend told them, though he denies it. They called me directly last night,

which they had never done before. The conversation was one of the most uncomfortable

experiences of my life. His mother, who had always been warm towards me before, spoke to me in

a cold, disappointed tone. She said they had always treated me like a daughter and had such high

hopes for me, but now they see that I don't value family the same way they do. His father then

got on the phone and lectured me about their cultural values and family obligations.

He reminded me of all the times they had included me in family events and treated me like their

own daughter. He said that by refusing to accept his younger son into our future home, I was

rigid. Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing. Victory Lane? Yeah, it's even better with Chamba

by my side. Race to ChambaCasino.com. Let's Chamba. No purchase necessary, VTW Group,

Voidware Prohibited by Ma, CTNC's 21 Plus, sponsored by ChambaCasino.

If you work in university maintenance, Granger considers you an MVP, because your playbook ensures

your arena is always ready for tip-off, and Granger is your trusted partner, offering the products

you need, all in one place, from HVAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more, and all delivered

with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRanger,

visit Granger.com or just up by Granger, for the ones who get it done.

Connecting their entire family and their way of life.

When I tried to explain my perspective about wanting to start my married life with just my

husband, he dismissed it as selfish Western thinking. To make matters worse, his brother also got

involved. He must have been told about the situation because he started sending me angry messages

on social media. Some were in English, calling me selfish and accusing me of trying to separate

their family. Others were in their language, which I had to translate, and they were even more

hurtful. He even posted vague statuses about people who tried to come between siblings,

which mutual friends have been commenting on. My boyfriend hasn't been helpful in managing any of

this. When I showed him his brother's messages and asked him to intervene, he said I was being too

sensitive and that his brother was just expressing his feelings. He seems to think that because I

grew up as an only child, I'm incapable of understanding family dynamics and should just accept

whatever his family decides. I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by all of this.

What started as a disagreement between me and my boyfriend has somehow turned into an all-out

conflict with his entire family. I feel like I'm being pressured from all sides to accept an

arrangement that will affect my entire married life, and anyone who knows about the situation is

taking their side because family comes first. The worst part is realizing that my boyfriend never

saw me as an equal partner in making decisions about our future. He made major promises about our

life without consulting me and expected me to just go along with whatever his family wanted.

Now I'm wondering what other surprises might be waiting for me if we get married.

Things have taken an unexpected turn since my last update, and I've discovered

information that puts this whole situation in a completely different light. A mutual friend who

recently returned from visiting my boyfriend's hometown reached out to me privately last week.

She revealed something that my boyfriend and his family had been hiding from me all along,

the real reason behind their insistence on having his brother live with us. According to our

friend, my boyfriend's parents invested most of their savings in a business venture two years ago

that failed completely. They lost almost everything and have been struggling financially ever since.

They've been keeping up appearances, but they can barely afford their current expenses,

let alone send another child to college abroad. Their plan was to have my boyfriend,

and by extension, me, not only house his brother but also fully support his education and living

expenses. This information suddenly made everything click into place. It explained why my boyfriend rejected

every compromise I suggested, like having his brother live in student housing or a nearby apartment.

The issue wasn't just about family bonds or cultural traditions, it was about money.

They can't afford to support his brother's education and living expenses separately,

so they need him to live with us to minimize costs. When I first heard this, I was in shock.

I spent several days processing this information before deciding to confront my boyfriend.

I invited him over and asked him directly about his family's financial situation.

At first, he tried to deny it, but when I mentioned our mutual friend's visit to his hometown,

he finally broke down and admitted everything. The truth was even worse than what our friend

had told me. Not only do they expect us to fully support his brother through college,

but they also expect us to send money back home regularly to help them after retirement.

My boyfriend admitted that his parents' retirement plan basically relies on him supporting

them financially. He said this is why they pushed him so hard to study abroad and get a good job

here. When I expressed my shock at these hidden financial expectations, his response made me

realize how differently we view this situation. He became defensive and said this was normal in his

culture. Successful children are expected to support their parents and help educate their younger

siblings. He accused me of being materialistic and said that in his culture, family members don't

keep score about money. The argument that followed was intense. I told him that while I understand

helping family, hiding such major financial obligations from someone you plan to marry is completely

wrong. These expectations would affect our entire financial future, our ability to save for our

own home, our retirement, and our future children's education. His response was that once were married,

his family obligations would become my obligations too, and I should accept that.

I asked him what other financial commitments he had made to his family without telling me.

He got quiet for a moment, then revealed that he had also promised to help fund his brother's

future business ventures after college. When I pressed further, he admitted that his parents

expect us to help with his cousin's education too, since we would be the only family members living

in a wealthy country. The final straw was when he suggested that I should consider taking a second

job after we get married to help support these family obligations. He said his cousin's wife

did this in their country, so he didn't see why I couldn't do the same. When I pointed out that I

never agreed to any of this, he said I was being selfish and that when you marry someone, you marry

their entire family and their obligations. I'm completely devastated by all these revelations.

This isn't just about his brother living with us anymore, it's about fundamental dishonesty and

completely different expectations about marriage and financial responsibilities.

My boyfriend had been planning to saddle our future marriage with massive financial

obligations without even discussing it with me. What hurts the most is realizing that he never

saw anything wrong with hiding this from me. In his mind, these obligations were so normal and

expected that they didn't even warrant a discussion. He seemed to think that I would just naturally

accept taking on these responsibilities once we were married, simply because that's what wives do

in his culture. Now I'm faced with an even bigger decision than before. This isn't just about

living arrangements anymore, it's about whether I'm willing to marry into a situation where

major financial decisions are made without my input and where I'm expected to sacrifice my own

financial security and future plans for family obligations I never agreed to. After much reflection

and several failed attempts at finding middle ground, I finally made the difficult decision to end

our relationship three weeks ago. The issue of his brother living with us turned out to be just one

small part of a much bigger problem, our fundamentally different views about marriage, family

obligations, and financial responsibilities. Breaking up wasn't easy, especially after four years

together. When I told him my decision, he broke down completely. He begged me to reconsider,

saying he would find another solution for his brother. But by then, I knew it wasn't just about

his brother anymore. The trust was broken, and I couldn't move forward knowing that he was capable

of hiding such important decisions from me. His family's reaction to our breakup has been exactly

as dramatic as I expected. His mother called me crying, switching between begging me to come back

and accusing me of destroying their family's future. His father sent me a long email detailing

everything they had ever done for me, including all the gifts they had given me during our visits.

They even listed the cost of meals they had prepared for me, as if keeping score of their

hospitality. His brother took it to another level. He started posting about me on social media,

calling me a gold bigger who only dated his brother for a green card. I'm literally a citizen

born here. He shared private photos from our visits to their home, adding captions about how fake

I was and how I had fooled their entire... Step into the world of power, loyalty, and luck. I'm going

to make him an offer he can't refuse. With family, conoles, and spins mean everything. Now he

want to get mixed up in the family business. Introducing the Godfather at chumbacaceno.com.

Test your luck in the shadowy world of the Godfather slot. Someday, I will call upon you to do a

service for me. Play the Godfather now at chumbacaceno.com. Welcome to the family. No purchase necessary VGW

group void were prohibited by law 21 plus terms and conditions apply. When you manage procurement

for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter

even more. Granger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room

for shipping delays. That's why Granger offers millions of products and fast, dependable delivery,

so you can keep your facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRanger, click

Granger.com or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

Our family. When I blocked him, he created new accounts to continue harassing me.

The situation got worse when their extended family got involved. Apparently, they had already

told everyone back home about the plans for his brother's education. Now they're spreading rumors

that I broke up with my boyfriend because I didn't want to help an innocent young boy get an

education. Some of his aunts had been messaging me on Facebook, telling me I've ruined their

nephews' future and calling me selfish for putting my comfort above a child's education.

What's been most surprising is the reaction from our mutual friends. Many of them, especially

those from similar cultural backgrounds, have taken his family side. They say I should have been

more understanding of their cultural differences and that family obligations are part of marrying

into their culture. Some friends even suggested that I was being racist by not accepting their

cultural norms. Last week, I found out that my ex-boyfriend has already started meeting with

potential matches suggested by his family. Apparently, they're specifically looking for someone from

their own culture who will understand and accept their family obligations. One of our mutual friends

told me they're presenting him as a devoted son who needs a traditional wife who values family

above all else. Despite all the drama and social fallout, I know I made the right decision.

I realized I cannot build a future with someone who makes major life decisions without consulting me

and expects me to sacrifice my comfort and financial security for his family's benefit.

While I respected their family bonds, I couldn't accept being treated as an outsider who should

be grateful for the privilege of joining their family. I have gone completely no contact with my

ex and his family. I block them on all platforms after saving screenshots of their harassment

in case I need them in the future. I also distance myself from the friends who tried to make me

feel guilty about my decision. It hurts to end a four-year relationship this way and lose friends

in the process, but I would rather face this pain now than deal with a lifetime of resentment and

disrespect. I'm focusing on healing and moving forward with my life. This experience has taught me

a lot about the importance of discussing cultural expectations and family obligations early in a

relationship. I know someday I will find someone who shares my values about marriage and family

and who sees me as an equal partner in making decisions about our future together.