I failed the NCLEX 3 times, but then . . .

[After graduating from nursing school with a 3.8 GPA, Ashley failed the NCLEX 3 times.  This is her story.]

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First one was a knife to my chest.

 

I was miserable. I really honestly thought this was my calling for so long. Nursing is what I wanted to do. For four years, I had worked so hard and I was unsure, should I change my career? Should I do something else? 

 

The first time I failed, I decided I would run 10 miles, and I cried the whole time.  I remember, thinking, I want to die. I just don't understand. I thought I knew so much, and for some reason I failed and the rest of my class was successful. Why am I going through this?

 

Taking the NCLEX was so stressful and all that pressure with people around you constantly leaving, and I am a very slow test taker. 

 

I had to really take a week and really ask myself, is this worth it?  I did all this work, what went wrong?  Is something wrong with me?  Am I not smart?  What am I going to do? 

 

You feel that your classmates will make fun of you or that they question if you're going to be a good nurse and you start to create all these webs and negativity and it just storms.

 

Patience, positivity, prayer, and perseverance.  As a nursing student, you are your hardest critic.  Sometimes we're perfectionists and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. 

 

So I would say strive for progress, but not perfection. 

 

I think of my experience as being in a boat in a really rough storm.  To be a skilled sailor you can't have calm waters.  You need the storm. And so whatever purpose it was for me to fail the NCLEX three times, it really has blessed me and I feel like a better woman. I can't believe I'm saying that, but really I do. I feel like it strengthened me.