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I was shocked when my spouse's sibling unexpectedly revealed his hidden emotions for me following his partner discovered her bridal gown.

It appears he was simply panicking about getting married.

I am quite surprised.

Overwhelmed so I'll start with some background.

I have been with my husband for five years. We've been married for two.

Since early on in the relationship, I've been great friends with his older brother.

Partially because I always wanted one.

When he started dating a girl about two years ago, I went out of my way to make sure she knew she had a friend in me

if she wanted since we're the only girls in the family.

We're great friends now and since they got engaged three months ago,

I've been helping with wedding planning and was asked to be a bride's maid.

We went dress shopping today and had a blast. We went to brunch, had some mimosas, found the dress,

and went back to their house to celebrate.

I ended up alone in the kitchen with my brother-in-law a bit after being there,

and he said he just had to tell me something before it kept eating at him.

I was a little buzzed and confused but was not at all expecting him to say what he did.

I think I've had feelings for you for a few years and I've never been able to tell you if you

ever felt the same I completely froze and just shook my head. I told him that no,

I have never thought about him in any way other than a friend than a brother and I never would.

Before he said anything else I bolted back to his fiance and the other girls there and

very discreetly told her I got my period and wasn't feeling well and would if someone come get me

and then come by soon for more wedding planning. She thought nothing of it and I called my best friend

to come get me. She dropped me off at home, my husband is working right now and there is no

question that I'm going to tell him as soon as he gets home. But I just have no idea where to go

from there. Do I tell his fiance? Do I make him tell her? Do I leave it? Do I have my husband

talked to him? Has anyone ever had something like this happen or have any advice? Anything is

appreciated. Update 1 January 4th 2025. Thanks to everyone who helped calm my panic mind after

my original post. I didn't want to tell me husband we need to talk while he was still at work and

make him panic so having some reassurance from here was really helpful. I also noticed a lot of

people asking for an update, so here is one that even I was shocked by as I lived it.

It's not exactly the earth shattering blow up most people thought it would be.

My husband came home and he immediately knew I had something on my mind.

I explained the whole thing and he was livid at his brother, thankfully he gave me a hug and

I broke down crying from the stress. He assured me I did everything right and it wasn't my fault.

After that, he went to call his brother and tell him that he knew what happened and wanted to

talk to him one-on-one. Well it turns out that his brother and fiancé were already on their

way to our house to talk about it. As soon as the other girls left, not long after me, my bill

confessed everything to her. First she slapped him, deserved. But after they talked and he promised

her that his feelings for her were genuine, she said that he needed to apologize to me and his

brother and then they could go from there. So they came over and he and my husband went and

talked, while I talked with his fiancé. We both cried and talked for about an hour.

I promised her I never had any feelings for him and had no idea he ever had any for me.

Apparently she had caught him gazing at me on a family vacation once and thought maybe he

had some attraction to me so while this sucked, she felt some relief that she wasn't crazy for

thinking it. He admitted she was right and thinks his feelings at one point were out of jealousy

that his younger brother was further in life than him and he attributed that to me in a way.

This was new to him as the older brother and they really hadn't compared each other much

growing up just because they had vastly different paths, it was little apples to oranges.

But now there was some perceived competition on a similar playing field.

The feelings had faded but when she came home saying she found a dress he felt an urge to come

clean and he wished he had said it differently or worked through it with some help before to

actually understand what the feelings were before making this whole mess. I don't know about all

that but I guess I could understand it with a more clear head. I mean if the edipus complex can be

a thing then I can see him having some complex feelings that manifested his attraction but didn't

affect his love for his fiance. This all happened in one night and he was visibly distressed over it

so I'd find it hard to believe he could weave a whole story like that so I'm inclined to believe him.

Once my husband and his brother came back to the living room my bill looked like a puppy who just

got in trouble. Also looked a little roughed up but I didn't question it. We all talked and he

apologized to me for putting me in this position. Where it landed their wedding is on hold privately

while they figure out next steps. Thankfully there was nothing booked and no dates sent out.

We had gone wedding dress shopping just to get an idea and it was just luck that she fell in love

with the dress. They are going to go to couple's therapy to decide if and how they can move past this.

There is clear love between the two. Things will be tense but I think he feels genuine

remorse and my potential still says she holds no ill will against me and if they move forward

she'd still love to have me as a bridesmaid if I'm willing. My husband and his brother have

some serious work to do on their relationship and my friendship with my bill will never be the same

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your print on. We've also agreed to keep this between the four of us. But they will be honest that

they're doing some premarital counseling before setting dates or full on planning. I saw a lot of

comments telling me to keep my mouth shut and no harm was done. While I guess I can see your point,

I just couldn't imagine keeping something like this from my husband. Especially if it came

out later and he found out I withheld it. Trust is huge in our partnership and even just a mission

feels like a betrayal of that. Sure I knew this could blow up if I let it out, but it would be my

bills fault, not mine. He had all control over telling me what he did. Thanks to everyone who helped

me through that scary processing time alone. Update 2 January 5th 2025. I wanted to address a couple

common responses I've been seeing here and give another next day update. To everyone telling me

to not tell anyone or give him a mulligan that was never an option to me. My husband and I are a

team and we don't keep secrets only surprises. It's something we agreed on before getting married.

If I didn't tell him and it came out later, it's a good as me lying to his face. I did nothing

wrong and I know my husband would stand by me so that just wasn't an option I was willing to

consider. To all the claims that I'd be blowing up multiple families, I'm not the one who confessed

feelings. He opened this kind of worms and it's not my responsibility to keep the secret.

If this does blow up his relationship or his family, that's all on him. Not me. There were a lot

of other common themes in here but those two were very prevalent and I wanted to dispel them.

So for this small update, my husband actually called his brother today and asked if he wanted to

go to one of their favorite bars to watch the game together today. Something pretty common for

them or all four of us to do before all this. My bill was shocked but agreed. Shortly after,

his fiance called me and asked if she could come over while they were gone.

She was honest and said it might be awkward but we would do this a lot and either do some DIY

together, get a puzzle out or watch movies together. She wanted to see if I'd be open to

keeping this up as long as we were both comfortable with it while they worked their things out

so our relationship doesn't deteriorate. It meant the world to me and I said of course.

All four of us agreed that they, Bill and fiance, would start seeing a couple's therapist ASAP

and my bill would see one on his own. Until they get a better grasp on what his feelings were

slasher in their own plan, we won't get all four of us together and Bill and I will not be alone

together. My potential sill is one of the most level headed people I've ever met and so kind-hearted.

My bill used to have a lot of walls up that she broke down pretty naturally and this is so out

of character for him. His proposal to her was so well planned and thoughtful and tailored to her

down to the smallest detail. He picked her a new outfit, had the perfect ring, even the blanket at

the setting was her favorite color, a detail he did intentionally and he had even arranged to have

her parents there who live hours away. It's clear that he loves her and I truly don't think that

even if I did say yes, he would not leave her to be with me. Not that it would have been an option.

I truly see a road forward for them and all of us. We're all committed to finding the best

outcome for everyone involved. My marriage is solid and we have our marriage maintenance

couples therapy appointment coming up soon anyway so we'll check in with an outside opinion but

I'm not worried. They are going to a consult with a therapist at the same practice in just a

couple days. It obviously won't be a quick and smooth fix as this was fucked up but I'm much

more optimistic than many comments here and wanted to share. Update 3 January 26th 2025

Hi everyone. I wanted to share a final update as I'm still getting notifications from them.

For some context, I am 27F. My husband is 28M, Bill is 32M and his fiance is 29F.

This started as a throwaway account but now it's just an anonymous account and this will likely be

my last update regarding this story. Since this happened we have talked and my bill has explained

some of his feelings as he has understood so far thanks to a lot of introspection and therapy.

The silver lining to all of this is that he is spending some much needed time working

through his feelings and coping mechanisms. He group texted me and my husband and asked if we could

talk together. It was mostly to talk to me but he didn't want there to be any gray area going

forward. To sum it up, he very sincerely apologized to me for the position he put me in and to both

of us for the betrayal of our relationships. After a couple therapy sessions talking through his

root feelings, he realized how terrified of change he was, even when it was good,

and frankly his fear of a failed marriage. He was older and understood so much more of his parents

divorced than my husband and he didn't realize how much that impacted him because he had pushed

it down so deep. My husband and I had met before my bill met his fiance and in the early days,

he had an attraction to me. But he pushed these feelings away because obviously I was with his

brother. When he found his fiance, he truly fell in love with her and we all knew it by the way

he acted. I mean this guy is usually stubborn and stoic but he just melted for her.

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get your print on. He changed so many habits for the better, for her sake and for his future.

Nobody questioned if he loved her and he was so excited to propose, albeit he knew he was

nervous for the life change. When we went out dress shopping and came back, a little tipsy and

excited, she just gushed to him about wedding details and ideas and he got overwhelmed.

So he did a couple shots, not saying it was a good choice, but it's the one he made,

and when I came out, as a person he had come to for comfort or advice on more than one occasion,

he just exploded and said what he said. He had so many thoughts running through his head and I

can't say I'm that mad at him for what happened. When I got engaged, no matter how much I love

my husband and how great our marriage is now, I have to admit I had a few late night musings about

what life would be like Mary because it should not be taken lightly. He was so genuine in his

apology and ashamed of his thoughts and actions, he was damn near and tears. When his brother hugged

him he lost it. I gave him a hug as well and he couldn't stop, thanking us for not just telling him

to f-off. His fiance joined us after our talk and she said that while she's still struggling with

trusting him and they aren't going to get married on the same timeline they were planning,

she's not leaving him as long as he continues to work on his feelings and unpacks his

emotions around marriage. They go to couples therapy and both go individually as well and I think

we all see a road forward knowing it will not be easy. In my past posts, there were so many people

who thought my bill was making it up to get out of it and he would have a thrown away his

relationship for me. Call me crazy or naive but I don't see it that way and nobody else involved

us either. We address the possibility and dismissed it, I appreciate the level of care people

have shown for me in my future sale and we will continue to show care for her and my bill as they

navigate this together. Next story, baby sat all my grandkids but refused to keep watching my

step-daughters I had a baby after her boyfriend called me unsafe, made me sign rules and was super

rude for months. I did a work program with the local clerk of courts office when I was in high school.

They hired me when I graduated and I had my 30 service years before I turned 50.

With 30 service years you can get your full pension at any age. I worked until my first

grandchild was born then I retired to be grandma daycare. I have five grand's eight male for my

stepson, seven male for my son, five female and 18 month male for my daughter. I baby sat all of

them with no issues or complaints. I still keep the 18 month old Monday to Friday and the older

one summer in school holidays. My stepdaughter and her boyfriend has been non-stop dramas since before

the baby was born. When she was 10 weeks pregnant they presented a three-page list of rules for when

I was babysitting. They said if I didn't sign it, they wouldn't allow me to babysit. I said that I

understood their need to do what was best for their baby and I assured them that there would be no

hurt feelings on my end when they made other childcare arrangements. Some of the rules were almost

understandable but most were downright ridiculous and none of it was going to work for me.

I don't remember them all but some examples are I can't take the baby anywhere without their

permission. I can't watch more than one additional child while babysitting. I can't cook.

I had to provide the full name, dog and address of any potential visitors ahead of time for their

approval of the person being around their child. They have to know anytime I have a guest over

and know who it is and how long they stay. My nine-year-old cat would have to be kept out of rooms

where the baby would be, even when the baby wasn't there, I couldn't get another pet without their

agreement. When she was seven months along they came back with revised rules in an attempt to

compromise. I again let them know that their expectations were not going to fit with my life and

they should just find other childcare. Two days after my stepdaughter went back to work, she called and

asked if I could keep calling the next day. I agreed but made it clear that I was going to

provide safe, appropriate care according to my judgment and I wasn't going to deal with complaints

or whatever that I was violating because I wanted it very clear that I was not agreeing to any of

that. My stepdaughter was okay on the days she picked colon up and dropped him off.

I felt like she was interrogating me every time she picked him up but it was tolerable but her

boyfriend was downright rude. I got to the point where I actually spent Sunday dreading the

start of the week because of dealing with both of them but especially his behavior.

At minimum he'd pick up colon, make a big deal of partially undress him, make at least one snide

comment about my cat or if I had any grandchild over besides the 18 month old or if I had cooked or

whatever. Then he'd say, I guess we don't have any choice but to put up with this for now.

Or I guess you're happy that you won. This went on for four months.

I spoke to my stepdaughter several times about it and told her that obviously they are very

unhappy with how I cared for colon and that they should really work on finding something else

and that in the meantime he needed to be less vocal about it. It would get better for a day or two

and then he'd start again. It all came to a head as Thanksgiving was approaching. He was very

verbal about the fact that he didn't want me to keep all my grandchildren over the break.

I made it very clear that there would be a couple of days that I had all of them and that they

needed to make other arrangements if they had a problem. They didn't make other arrangements and

when he picked colon up on the first day that I had all my grants, he was very rude and although

nothing happened, everyone was happy, clean, fed, had a great day he said, to colon, that he was

sorry that they had no choice except to leave him in an unsafe situation to be neglected.

I called my stepdaughter that night, relayed to her what was said and told her that she had two

weeks to make other arrangements and that she needed to drop off and pick up colon during those

two weeks and if her boyfriend came to drop him off I would refuse to keep him and if he picked

him up I would not keep him again. So things were better only dealing with her.

At some point she asked me if I would keep him until January because they found someone but he

couldn't start until then. I agreed. She picked colon up and dropped him off everything was fine.

New years day several people sent me a screenshot of a post her boyfriend made on social media

about how thankful he was that they were finally able to leave colon without worrying about his

safety or him being neglected. He didn't outright name me or accuse me of anything specific but

anyone who knows us, knows I was keeping him in the post implied plenty. I was just happy that

it was over. Friday she called me and said that their new childcare provider had told her that

colon wasn't a good fit and that she couldn't bring him back Monday. She asked if I would start

keeping him again. I told her that I was sorry for their situation but I really don't feel

comfortable keeping him. My husband and stepson both think I should watch colon under the agreement

that a man to drop him off and pick him up because they think her boyfriend is the big problem

and that I should just do it for colon sake. My stepson also commented that I'd probably be more

willing to let it go if it had been a conflict with my daughter's husband. My pension is about

$4,000 per month plus continuation of my health insurance. That's about 40% of our take home

income if that matters. I'd offer refusing to start watching colon again.

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First let me just address the common suggestion that a man's boyfriend is purposely sabotaging

their child care to trap her at home. They make roughly the same amount of money and definitely

can't afford to lose half their income. I seriously doubt he wants her to stay home.

Second, I would never tell my stepson to find someone else to watch his child because of a simple

difference of opinion. My grandson and I have a very close bond. He's the oldest and it would break

my heart in his if he didn't come spend his holidays and summers with me. Plus he's a huge

help with the little ones when I have them all and things get hectic. I would never be so petty as

to make him and all my other grandchildren suffer because of an adult disagreement.

So I sort of asked around about why they were dropped by their new sitter so quickly.

Apparently they weren't. Amanda picked Cullen up and dropped him off both days he went and

everything was lovely. He did cry a quite a bit but they expected that to get better as he adjusted

to not being held as much. My husband and stepson talked to Amanda and she said that they realized

that they can't afford daycare. They already made the easy changes, packing a lunch, giving up

fancy coffee, etc. and his dad and her mom are both giving them about $100 per month towards

child care and they can barely afford it. But they didn't realize that you have to send everything

the baby needs. I buy diapers, wipes, formula, bottles, extra clothes, etc. They just

hand me the baby. They didn't realize that daycare didn't cover all that.

Also, imagine her boyfriend's surprise when he found out what the staffing rates are in this

very expensive daycare. One adult cares for five infants. I guess he thought that someone would

provide one-on-one care, diapers, wipes and formula for $350 per week. My stepson relayed their

almost apology. They felt overwhelmed by an infant and couldn't imagine that someone else could

manage that plus other things. Cullen is going back to daycare tomorrow. Cullen's dad is selling

his dirt bike and Amanda is selling some designer clothes, handbags and shoes to cover the cost.

It'll get easier for them in six months when he transfers to the one-year-old class, which is a

little cheaper.