In new memoirs, David Archuleta and Lindy West break with their pasts

Hello there, it's NPR's Book of the Day, I'm Tim Bidermias.

Today, two memoirs that deal with letting go of something from the past.

In a minute, we'll hear about Lindy West's adult braces.

But first, in the early 2000s, David Archuleta was thrust into stardom on American Idol.

Each week, he appeared in the living rooms of millions of people, and he'd eventually

go on to come in second in the competition and enjoy a pretty successful music career.

But as Archuleta lived out his dream, he was dealing with the secret.

His inner turmoil is the topic of his memoir, devout, losing my faith to find myself.

He spoke about it with here and now's Endure Relaxman on.

This message comes from BetterHelp.

This International Women's Day lets celebrate the leaders, the caregivers, the hype friends.

With all they handle, women need to care for themselves, and therapy is a great way to

do that.

Visit BetterHelp.com slash NPR.

This message comes from Prolon.

Feeling heavy and depleted, Prolon's five-day fasting mimicking diet aims to make it easy

to reset your body, habits, and energy.

Developed at USC's Longevity Institute, the goal of Prolon's nutrition program is

to rejuvenate you from within by working at the cellular level to support fat loss,

glowing skin, and sharper focus.

Get 15% off plus a bonus gift when you subscribe at prolonlife.com slash NPR.

Take yourself back to 2008 when American Idol was starting its seventh season.

The reality singing contest was the biggest show on television, spawning massive pop stars

like Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Jennifer Hudson.

Each season starts with auditions, when contestants sing before judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul,

and Randy Jackson, who determine who will go on to the next round.

One of the contestants that year was a shy teenager from Murray, Utah, named David Archuleta.

Alright, so let's do it.

What'd you go sing, man?

I'm going to sing waiting on the world to change by John Mayer.

Go for it.

Me and my friends were all misunderstood.

The say we stand for nothing and there's no way we ever could.

He stumbles over the words a bit and then something extraordinary happens.

Randy Jackson starts singing along.

Just feel like we don't have the means to rise above and beat it so we keep

waiting, waiting on the world to change.

We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change.

It's hard to be persistent when we're standing at a distance.

So we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change.

Archuleta got the green light from all three judges and he made it all the way to

finals finishing in second place.

He was adored by fans but underneath at all the young teen was struggling with his identity

and his connection to the Mormon Church.

Archuleta is 35 years old now and he's out with a new memoir called Devout,

losing my faith to find myself and he joins us now.

David, welcome to here and now.

Thank you, Indira.

Good to be here.

So you were just a kid when you rose to fame on American Idol almost 20 years ago.

What is it like to hear yourself again as a young teenager?

What feelings and memories does that bring up?

It brings a lot of nostalgia and it's a bit surreal.

I feel like I get to live the moment a little more now than I did back then,

though it's interesting.

But it's fun to hear Brandy singing along to my addition.

Well, you ended up finishing in second place that season and during the finale,

you performed the hit song Apologize with the Band One Republic.

Let's listen.

You look and sound so poised and polished in that performance,

but we learn now from your memoir that you were struggling inside.

You were raised in the Mormon Church, which forbids same-sex relationships,

but you write in your memoir that the first time you had feelings for a boy

was as early as the second grade.

So how were you dealing behind the scenes with those feelings while at the same time being

catapulted into the national, even global spotlight at such a young age?

I had a hard time because I was a very shy kid and I was homeschooled a lot of my life.

And how I had adjusted and adapted to survive up until then was to just blend in and hide

and not say anything.

So I was known as the smiley kid who never talked in school.

And then to suddenly be thrown in front of everybody, I was like, wait, I'm used to hiding it

and blending in and making sure no one sees me to then being I couldn't hide anymore.

But I think I did my best to just let my voice do the work.

And tried to not be seen after that, but it was kind of hard to do that because then everyone

was like, you're a teenage pop star and all the girls love you and I was like, oh my gosh.

But it was exciting and terrifying and thrilling all at once.

And a lot of pressure on you.

You were still a teen.

You didn't come out publicly as gay until many, many years later in 2021.

By that time, you had already gained perhaps coincidentally a huge LGBTQ plus following

over your eight studio albums.

And all along you were going to the church, five people in your own congregation

wrote to you and shared that they were queer too.

What did it mean to you to find out that there were other Mormons like you?

Yeah.

Well, I came out like on the spectrum of bisexual, but mostly attracted to men.

And when I did come out publicly, I was surprised at how many people in my own

congregation were going through the same thing that I was.

And it wasn't just people my age.

It was people who are older.

It was people who are younger than me.

And that I just never would have thought were going through what I had gone through.

And they would just say, thank you.

They're like, it is so hard to try and live this way without being able to really

share who I really am.

So I was just I was pretty surprised by that.

Of course, that public face of you coming out and saying you were bisexual,

but leaning on the spectrum towards men,

you know, that elides a huge period of time during which you were struggling within the church.

You tried to talk to church elders about your sexuality and the church's views on same

sex relationships.

Tell us how those conversations went.

Yeah, I became really close with the church leaders after American Idol because they

looked at me as like a hero and a poster boy in a way.

And when I shared with them finally that, hey, I think I might be gay or I might be,

I am attracted to men.

They got really uncomfortable and one in specific who was like my grandpa,

saying that his wife's funeral and was invited to family dinners.

He got really uncomfortable until I kind of just said,

I don't need you to fix my problem.

I just want you to listen to my experience.

And he softened up so much and he's eventually said, you know,

I never spoken to someone who is gay this in depth before.

And so I, for my understanding, as soon as he spoke to the other brethren,

the other world leaders, they just said, don't talk to him anymore.

What he's saying is wrong.

And I was told that I, that that other,

that mean basically needed to be protected for me.

Which I was like, after all I've been through with him, like,

I was just shocked by that and really disappointed.

You decided to leave the Mormon church and you told your mother,

what was the quote your mother said back to you?

She said, I've decided to step away from the church and I said,

mom, you don't have to do that because I already knew how hard it is to step away from your,

what was your everything.

And she said, I don't want to be somewhere where my children don't feel loved and welcomed.

And if you're going to hell, then we're all going to hell with you.

Now that's an incredible and loving sentiment to want to keep the family together and your,

most of your siblings left the church too.

And that inspired your 2024 song, Hell Together.

Let's listen to some of that now.

Oh, if they don't like the way you're made, then there's nothing any better.

The paper does his precious home, we're going to hell together.

You know, it is so much more meaningful to me to hear that song now,

knowing the story behind it.

When I first heard it, it's just another pop song.

But now knowing that you're singing to your mom and about your mom saying,

we're going to hell together, it's just, it really has a very deep

meaning. And I wonder how did it feel for you to finally show all of yourself in your songwriting?

It's like such a release because you've held something for so many decades, all your life,

thinking that there's something wrong with you.

And to finally have this like awakening that there actually isn't something wrong with you.

And you can learn how to accept yourself.

It's taken me time and it's still taking me time to accept.

When I always believed I was supposed to reject them, despise myself.

And I was really good at doing that.

It was good at it.

It's liberating and it's freeing and it's like living, having a second chance at living again.

It's striking to me that you've described this journey as losing your faith to find yourself.

And I'm thinking about how you thought about writing a memoir right after you came out publicly,

but it took you five years to do this memoir.

How did writing the book help you in the process of fully accepting yourself?

And what do you want people who read the book to take away from it?

I just hope that anyone, whether it's coming out as queer or transitioning out of religion or out

of a family dynamic that could be harmful, that they are encouraged to take the courage to be their

authentic selves. And to free them from any people pleasing, trying to let external factors

decide for them what they feel is where they should go in their life.

And I was a people pleaser. A lot of my problems and challenges in my book were from getting

my agency and freedom away to other people to decide for me. And I had to learn how to rather

than be devout to other external factors to be devout with to what was within in my soul.

And that's when I found the most growth and the most freedom and the most

confidence in myself. And I would, that's what I hope other people can take away.

And if nothing else, just to find some understanding for others around them,

that's my really greatest plea too.

David Archuleta is a singer-songwriter who first braced our screens as a contestant on American

Idol. He's since released nine studio albums. His latest is called Earthly Delights. And he's out

with his new memoir, devout losing my faith to find myself. David Archuleta, thank you so much.

Thank you, Indira. And to take us back, let's go out on your hit single Crush, which many people

will remember hearing on the radio back in the summer of 2008.

Support for this podcast and the following message come from WayFair.

Refresh your space this spring and make your home work better for you with WayFair.

Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget.

With outdoor furniture, patio decor, and lighter bedding, installation and assembly services

available for a truly seamless experience. Head to WayFair.com right now to shop all things home.

That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com WayFair. Every style. Every home.

This message comes from Angie, tackling a home project. Angie can connect you with pros who do

such a good job you might ask them to be your kid's godfather. Don't do that. Just trust them to

get the job done. Find a pro for your projects at Angie.com. That's AMGI.com.

Next up, Adult Braces by Lindy West. You may recognize that name from her wildly popular book,

Shrill, which was also adapted into a hit TV show. It was a collection of essays about feminism

and body image. Now, West is turning her celebrated whittiness and humor towards something more

personal. The realization that her husband had entered into a relationship with another woman.

So she takes a road trip, as one does, to reflect and reassess her life.

She tells a morning edition host, Leila Faddle, what she learned along the way.

You might know our next guest from her hit Hulu series, Shrill, based on her collection of essays

by the same name, which chronicled the life of a young journalist struggling with self-image,

dating and her career. Let's see, I got my lotion and my gun and my shoelaces for my brown shoes.

And could I also get the morning after pill? Hey, Nick, do we sell the morning after pill?

Oh, that's okay. We don't need to bother Nick. When the West latest book, Adult Braces,

driving myself saying, is a shift. She's in her 40s. She's in the throes of a deep depression.

Her marriage is on the rocks and her sense of self is, well, hanging on by a thread. So she decides

something has to change. And she takes a solo cross-country road trip that becomes the foundation

for this endearing and hilarious memoir. I just think that if a woman has a midlife crisis,

it inconveniences too many people. Yeah. So it's not sexy and it's not interesting. It's just

kind of threatening to the social order or something. So I went to my husband and I said,

I think I need to rent a van and go on a road trip and drive to Florida and go to Kokomo and lie

down. Is that okay? To my surprise, my husband said, go, go, go. You got to go. Go do it. And so I did.

And I drove all the way to Florida in a van by yourself, by myself.

What was going on in your life where you were like, I need to do this thing for myself?

So the backstory is we finished shooting the second season of shrill and then just a couple days

after I got home. I found out that my husband had a girlfriend or had been dating someone else.

And we were technically not strictly monogamous. We had sort of a donast don't tell policy.

But basically this sort of non-monogamy polyamory conversation that my husband had been trying

to have with me for a decade. It came home to roost. Yeah. And you had to face it. Yeah, I had to

finally face it. It was something that we both wanted to fight for and try to figure out. And

people find this hard to understand and they think that I must be rationalizing or trying to

convince myself to do something that I don't actually want to do when I finally sort of acquiesce

to polyamory. Or I don't want to say acquiesce because that sounds. And that's not how it comes

off in the book. Yeah. Because in the beginning, you have this extreme resistance. Yeah, definitely.

But once we actually started to try it out and I let go a little bit of this hyper control,

which is what I thought was going to make me happy when you let go of control like that.

And you just trust that this person does love you. It was the remedy to this sickness that I had

been dealing with for my whole life. And in fact, we loved each other so much better because we

didn't have the resentment anymore. And we didn't have the constant fear and anxiety and jealousy

and self-doubt. So it, I know this is not a prescription that I'm saying other people should

go out. And you're telling everyone to be polyamory? I'm really not. I'm really not. And people

kind of act like I am and I'm not. What did you do that allowed you to get to a place

that made you happier than you were before? It wasn't a process of letting go so much as turning

towards something else, which was my own life. And remembering that my life is something that's

worth prioritizing. And in fact, prioritizing my own life is the key to saving this relationship.

Coming back from that, what is life like these days? Because it does feel like you're like on the

other side. So now, five years later, actually, my husband and I have a third partner. We are

the unfortunately named Thruple, which I don't like that name. It's not an elegant term. I wish

that's not what I would have picked. But you know what, you had to just embrace it. We live all three

of us together in a log cabin in the woods in Washington. And we have a nice little life. And

people can say, oh my gosh, you're being mistreated by this evil, horny man or whatever. But that's

not what my life looks like. I have a really beautiful, peaceful life that is full of love.

You're no stranger to telling personal stories being vulnerable. But I think there's like a

particular vulnerability about this memoir. Definitely. I just wonder what you're thinking as it

goes out into the world and people are going to be reading this journey that you took to get to

this place that makes you happy and that you want the world to understand. I came to the realization

that I do really want to be known. I think that the process of going through all this with my

marriage made me realize that a lot of things that I had written about myself in previous books

were in fact coming from this place of denial. And so once I started to realize that I thought,

you know, I want to write something that is actually true. You know, I'm really I'm really

candid in shrill and that was true at the time. And I'm sure things in this book adult races will

prove to be off the mark down the line. But I got addicted to that feeling of kind of pushing myself

and seeing what it felt like to let go and be brave. And so I just wanted to try it and I wanted

to write something real that would let people know me in a way that was even truer than before.

Landy West's new memoir is adult braces driving myself sane. Thank you for speaking with us.

Thank you so much. And we should mention you did get adult braces.

I sure did. I haven't talked about that far. I know. Yes, I sure did.

And that's it for this week on NPR's Book of the Day. If you want more, you can sign up for

our newsletter at npr.org slash newsletter slash books. I'm Tin Biderm Yes. This podcast is

produced by Chloe Weiner and Ivy Buck and edited by Megan Sullivan. Our founding editor is Petra

Mayer. The show elements for this week were produced and edited by Mallory U, Lauren Hodges,

Gabriel Sanchez, Patrick Jaron want to know. William Troop, Dave Midsick, Jacob Fenston,

Lindsay Tady, Adriana Gallardo, Samantha Raffelson, Michaela Rodriguez, and Julie Depp and Brock.

Yolanda Sangueini is our executive producer. Thank you so much for listening.

This message comes from Angie, tackling a home project. Angie can connect you with pros who do

such a good job. You might ask them to be your kid's godfather. Don't do that. Just trust them to

get the job done. Find a pro for your projects at Angie.com. That's a-n-g-i.com.

This message comes from Betterment. Their automated investing and saving tools give you the quiet

confidence of someone who knows where to put their money. With tax smart tools that help grow your

after-tax returns year-round, get started today at Betterment.com. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-M-E-N-T.com.

Investing involves a risk. Performance not guaranteed. Betterment is not a tax advisor,

nor should any information herein be considered tax advice. Please consult a qualified tax professional.

This message comes from Better. Science is a rigorous process that requires questions,

testing, transparency, and results that can be proven. This approach is integral to every

breakthrough they are brings forward, innovations that save lives and feed the world.

ScienceDelivers.com