Are You Bad in Bed?

0:00The first time you're with a long-term partner, you're obviously men always wanted. It's always in my hand. You initiate with your partner and your partner may not be in the mood. That first rejection obviously feels so personal to you because you're obviously it's never happened to any other woman in the history of women. Maybe it's because my love handles were love handling too much. Maybe it's because my wrist hair was not shaved. Hi guys, welcome back to Moment of Silence Board. I'm Sakshi Shilthasani. I'm Nanabhan and every shoot day I wonder why we look into this camera but when we have the episode ready, we're using these cameras. Have you ever noticed? No one notices, no one cares. Yeah, but you care. I care.

1:00And it's your show. Yeah, it's my running. And like, will there be a moment when someone decides to change this or give us that feedback that hey guys, why don't you look into the camera or your dressing? But are we not addressing this camera and the babies on the edit? Like for the intro? For I'm Sakshi Shilthasani. Oh really? So we're just looking in a different direction. That's crazy. That's why we haven't hit 200k followers. No, no, no. I know. Comment down below if you all have watched an episode of more. Any one episode. Any of your favorite episodes? Yeah. As we have just hit 100k. So we have not hit 100k yet in our current present reality and it's going to happen any moment now. So we are just anticipating what's up. How was your week? My week, honestly, has been one of those weeks where every day you have to play a different character because I was shooting a reel for this hair brand with like Paddle in wall one day.

2:01Then the next day we were shooting our new IP which was completely different in the zone. Then I did a donation, should advise with none other than Raki Sarvant. And can I please say bucket list items. She is so sweet, so professional and so unhinged. It is amazing. It was a treat to watch home. Raki Sarvant is an underrated feminist icon. Yeah. And I feel like I don't know when she's going to get her full dues because everyone is obsessed with her but she's not made it in the way that in my head she should have made it. Also, she has made it in this niche where she is one of the few people of this country who could say anything. Yeah. And it doesn't matter. And that's honestly goals. She is one of the few people that PAPs pay to get content from her compared to a lot of people that play the PAPs. It's crazy. Good for her.

3:02Raki. Raki. Tell us your ways. Raki, ma'am. Ma'am. Please tell us your ways. Please ma'am. Please tell us your ways. And we should get her on the pod. Yeah, we should. Well, Nena and I are just so confused because she's such a powerhouse. And I don't want her to feel like Yemu is a naked man. I want her to think of us as a mystery. No one on the internet thinks of us as a mystery. Let me tell you that. That's so good. They know the exact dimensions of our armpits. How was your week? I went to Delhi and it was lovely. Three days went up down and everywhere because I met my friends. I fought with my family. You know, as one does when they go on a little home vacation. And my flop corn is that I really miss Bombay. Really? I missed Mumbai. We've converted you. I know. I really, and everything about it. I missed the dampness. I missed the humidity. I think humidity is like the best anti-aging trick. Really?

4:02Yeah. It keeps your skin so plump. It keeps it moist. Every time I go to Delhi, my skin is like sandpaper. It's so patched. It's like dying for moisturization. And I always break out. Always break out. I have a pimple on the tip of my nose that I've been nursing that entire time. And this is such a... Like not a chic place to get a pimple. I'm necessarily a place to get a pimple. Yeah, I got run, yo. Yeah. No need. Go home. Go back to Delhi, pimple. But no. But my popcorn is, okay, so you know how urban company does everything under the sun? Yes. So, I landed in Mumbai and I'm like scrolling. Like, you know, it's monsoon. Everything's leaking. I got to get things fixed. And then I find out that urban company has launched Derma Facials. The only kind of facial that I get in my life. Yeah. So, I booked it. 45 minutes. She is waiting for me at my door. Okay. I have gotten a lovely, salicylic acid, Derma Facial.

5:03Amazing. And then of course, you know, PMS, Moon, Face, all of that, cortisol. So they have these cryotherapy tools, which basically they deep up your face because they are very cold. And I find it so much less jarring than dunking your face in a pool of ice water. Is this the one with the blue light? Yeah, it is. Oh, I've heard that's really good for like, deep upping and skin aging and everything. No, it's very calming. Again, like, I do a lot of like, ice plunges and things like that and they feel like death. I imagine it's very soothing to the skin also because it's cold, right? Like, zero degree temperature thing. Yeah. Did all of that amazing. And I came to the shoot day and you look stunning. Thank you. And they have four types. They have four types. So they have four different kind of facial, one is salicylic acid, one is nice, one is nice, one is ceramides, one is tetanol. And obviously based on your skin concern, they're all different tetanolids. Anti-aging. I don't know the others because I'm not an urban company expert.

6:06But the experts are urban company. No, no, they're thin. And everyone knows that the backbone of Indian feminism and hyperindependence is an app where every answer that you are too scared to depend on a man for is answered by an urban company professional. Yes. My fan has broken down. My lights have broken down. My AC is leaking. My Ikea furniture and my boyfriend doesn't need to know. He just needs to know the illusion of me taking care of myself. He doesn't need to know how I do it. Yeah. It's none of his business I would argue. It's what happened between me and the OTP being shared. It's between me and the OTP being shared. I think a urban company is creating a rocket as we speak to take people to the moon in 45 minutes. Maybe. And I will sign up. It will also be more cost-effective. Do you pick the luck therapy to the moon? Are you really going to the moon?

7:06The urban company signature voyage to the moon. No, I love urban company facials. I've been a big fan. I haven't tried the Doma. Facials yet. But now I'm super excited to try it. Urban company is sponsoring the segment of the video. And obviously any skin treatment, please consult a Doma before doing it. But yeah, we're super excited. Now that the catch-up is successfully gotten the perverts out of the chat, let's get into intimacy and insecurities that we have in the bedroom. Top three. Top three. I think about that. So let's, for this purposes of not getting like removed from this channel, we will say not making love because that stresses us out. Making love is crazy. Hooking up. Hooking up. Intermacy. The big O. The big O. Climb. Climb. Yeah, you can say Climb. Movies have Climb. That's true. Yeah. Okay, cool. So now that we have the ram, bam and jam, we will try whatever we can.

8:06I'm going to, this is a Sakshi challenge. Sakshi has to come with as many like interesting innovative ways to talk about what we're talking about. And I have to understand them. You can't just make up a random word. Yes, of course. Okay, love it. 62% of young people have said that they find intimate content on screen unnecessary. And I, the big on screen slut have something to say about it. Thank God, we can't say S.E. Eggs, but we can say on screen slut in this economy. No, but you are an intimacy coach. Yeah. Yeah. Not a coach. I'm not a coach. I'm an intimacy coordinator. An intimacy coach is someone who helps people in the bedroom. I'm somebody who choreographs scenes of intimacy for camera, which is a thing that people confuse and call me up for gigs a lot. Okay. Yeah, literally somebody from a platform called me up and they were doing a dating show. And they're like, can you come on to this dating show and give intimacy coaching to these

9:08couples that are coming onto the show? And I'm like, no, I don't know a thing about how it goes in the bedroom, but I can show you how to make a very passionate love making scene of choreography. So just be. But I do agree with Jansi. I do think that like, looking up just for the sake of hooking up and titillating audiences is not very exciting. But of course, if it pushes or progresses characters like plot or climax or something like that, it works. Like, for example, all the imaginas light, which was one of the films that I coordinated for. The entire climax of that film is about how these immigrant workers who come to Mumbai and live very stifled, isolated experiences when they leave the city and they find green trees like the entire life kind of, you know, becomes larger and wilder and just untamed. So intimacy is important to the climax. And there I do think it makes sense. I also think intimacy coordination in the Indian context.

10:10I just read that Vinod Kanna at age 42 took a pay cut because there was a making out scene with Madhuri Dixit who was 21 years old at that time. So I think intimacy coordination. Where was Reddit then? Where was, I think I read it on Reddit. Yeah, but now he doesn't care. Which is why even like in Bads of Bollywood, when they made fun of the intimacy coordinator and everything for the butt of the joke, makes no sense because, okay, maybe it gets in the way of like things working smoothly according to traditional set rules or however they're running through the day. But there are young actors and actresses who are so stressed out who are working against a power dynamic and who are not sure that when the director yells cut that their scene partner will stop doing things to them. Yes. And that's a very real thing that's happened. Yeah, also I feel like because anyway being on camera, I think is so vulnerable and you

11:12kind of get into the conundrum of do I need to give a great scene? Am I going to feel violated after? I think someone, because you have a continuity coordinator to make sure the glass is the same throughout. I'm sure you can have an intimacy coordinator which is more like I think of Anora as a movie. There was no intimacy coordinator on that set. And that movie is so sexually explicit and she's giving lap dances to people and everyone. And there's no one for her to go to if anyone had violated that consent or that boundary which is why I think intimacy coordinators are so important on set as well because you all become the safe space for the people that are performing for me. And which is why consent in general also is not something that you can broadly give. You can give it at different stages. You can withdraw it at different stages just because you said yes to something. It doesn't mean that you have to go through it with it because you're feeling. Even if you're feeling a certain way about it.

12:14I feel that consent can be retracted at any point. And when I do imagine, when we talk about consent and everything we talk about it largely with hooking up with strangers or people that we don't know, I think even when it comes to relationships at any age or such, we are so afraid or so scared of intimacy and that manifests in such weird ways because we're not used to talking about intimacy. For the longest time, everything we saw about doing the deed is online. You know, whether it's porn, whether it's Bollywood, whether it's Hollywood, anything our interaction with intimacy has always been online and then SEX in general. So it's so like improv. Yeah. It's obviously when you're seeing a movie, it's edited to look hot. But in real time, yes, your clothes are going to come off.

13:16Yes, they're going to get stuck at your chin. Yes, that's going to happen. Yes, there's going to be a time where a man is only wearing a t-shirt. All of that also happens. Which is, I think a whole younger generation is getting more distant from any intimacy-related stuff because of a lack of communication. I think it's because of lack of confidence because they don't have any access to real scenes. So my question to you is, how relaxed are you in the bedroom now in your life? I'm very relaxed. Like on a scale of ten. I'm like a solid nine. Same. Yeah, nine. You know where it comes from? You and I are not easily embarrassed people. No, so that's what I'm saying. When I started initially, I was at a two. I was at a negative. Yeah, same actually because it's... So the anecdote that I'm thinking of which all don't have context for, I did speak to Nena

14:21about it is, earlier when porn was being made, there would be a spike in views around the like hottest parts of porn. So to optimize for views, people started just making the peak of the sexual activity. So people that have grown up watching porn and their idea of sex comes from porn, recently I've not seen any like four-play or aftercare because porn is optimized for views and not to actually love your partner. So I think there's a big disconnect with what's being seen online and what's being performed and it's getting quite sad because everything that we do is online, right? We believe the internet on things. So I think to take a step back from that also and tell me if you've had a similar experience. So growing up now, and especially this is coming to light now, right? All of the TV shows or things that I watched and I grew up on a lot of American content

15:26because that was what was streaming on our televisions. So this idea of like high schools for me was American high school where you are with your crush and you guys are making out near the locker. Now that is the furthest from the Indian experience ever, right? And then the people that are being held as a beauty standard or a seduction standard or a Victoria secret model, right? And you're like, I don't look like a six foot tall white woman with wings. And then now when I'm 34, I'm realizing that all the people that were behind that image that was being sold back to young women thinking that you should anyway, by the time you hit puberty, you have such a low self image are all creepy men who are hoping up with children. So at this point of time in my head, there is so much like undoing that's happening, even though I'm at a place where I'm a lot more comfortable in my body because like I'm at that age now. But there's so much undoing happening of like how much of my self image was built by an

16:29old white man with a foot fetish. With a foot fetish. Yeah, literally. And a lot of it because women's beauty standards in general are very like opateed, hairless, this that and like I don't, I can't speak for you, but when you said you were at two in confidence earlier, what was making you insecure? And I didn't look like what I thought men were attracted to. And that was so uncomfortable for me. And you know, women, if you're insecure, it has nothing to do with the outside world. It totally has to do with you. You have set a standard for yourself. Your partner could be saying whatever they want to say to you. But you are like, okay, I've decided that this dweeb deserves a Victoria Secret Model. And I am not a Victoria Secret Model. So I must switch off the light. Yeah, I must switch off the lights or I must make a hundred excuses or I must overcompensate even if I'm feeling uncomfortable. Yeah. Because that is what you've seen in like adult films.

17:30You see that the woman is forever consenting. She's so excited by this experience. And like, wait, I don't feel this way. I'm not excited. And she's like, immediately gets touched and she's climax. Like there's no, like it's like two seconds and she's just through penetrations, reached where she has to reach and you're like, is sex not supposed to be enjoy? Yeah. No, it's a one person. It's a one person, right? But for me also, I think it was, you see so many hairless women. And even in those ads of reasons and everything, the women are just soft, right? Like there's a like supple, their skin is like plump. But for me, even after shaving, I had the texture of sandpaper. So shaving down there for the first time and then really going in and shaving down there is firstly harrowing. If you're doing it for the first time with the idea that someone's going to see you

18:32in like a LED tube light as a room. Yeah. Then you have found and they're going to see like your stubble and everything. So embarrassing. And I was like, obviously I'm the only one who's ever had this problem. Hair anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone thinks that they're the only one who have had hair anywhere. They do. And guess what? We are a community of hairy women and you are so welcome anytime you want to join us. Anytime you think you have too much hair anywhere, just know that there is at least two women with you right there. With you right there. Okay. And answer my question. Today knowing all of this. How likely are you to be spontaneous if you are unshaved? I'm down. Yeah. I'm okay. I don't think shaving. You know, also the older you grow, you realize like, okay, maybe your boyfriend at 18 years is like, oh, influenced by porn. Like, oh, I need my girl like this. Like that. But as you grow up, you realize men are also grownups and men also not all men are creeps.

19:36They don't want like a person who does not look like a grown woman and they are very okay with, they don't care. Men don't have an opinion as such on body. That's true. Men who also fed this idea that you need to be attracted to a new-bile woman. Yeah. And then maybe they were in the bedroom and they were like, hey, actually I'm into matures. Yeah. I mean, this 30 year old woman who is exactly my age and not into like a high school Japanese. Yeah. You know. And then you know, I mean, I mean, I have always been shown as like always down. You know, there's just like always looking for chits. They're always like, oh, me, I can go like, you know, just like men are so sexualized. Then the first time you're with like a long term partner and you're like, obviously men always want it. It's always in my hand. And you like initiate with your partner and your partner may not be in the mood. And that first rejection obviously feels so personal to you because you're like, obviously it's never happened to any other woman in the history of women.

20:40Maybe it's because my love handles were love handling too much. Maybe it's because my wrist hair was not shaved. You know, you start analyzing what it is about you as a woman. And it's so hard to fathom that maybe they just didn't want anything today. Yeah. I think those like the first rejection, especially when young, someone rejects you because they are going because they are stupid men. Yeah. They are stupid boys in that moment. They're like, okay, you do everything. But when it comes my time, I will, you know, do what I want to do. And you take it so personally, you're like, obviously this is because I'm not a victor as a good model. Yeah, obviously this is because I am unlovable. But some men are genuinely like, I don't know if it's happened to you. But just like, you know, they would be like, I don't like Victoria's secret model. It's like a real woman. And you're like, what does that mean? And even the real woman is like really? I am manicured. I like no makeup makeup.

21:41It's like, okay, you ask, man, the I need a woman to be like, I don't like these Botox women. I don't like this. I don't like that. And then show you like Kendall Jenner. And you're like, oh, for you, that's a real woman. You're like, she's already not a super model. But I have to give you to the nicer people in my life who have taken the time, want to do their own research that, hey, I'm going to one day make love to a normal person, not an actor. And second, have patience. If you're boyfriend, you're making an actor and actor, then he is too busy with a podcast. But yeah, and it's like patient is curious. Yeah. And then the work to figure out, okay, we need to put whose pleasure on the pedestal. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of sad that this is also something that we've had to all learn and your 20s go in having like me, you and your weird, just generally absurd interactions. I have one thing to say, like, I've been discussing this with my friend a lot.

22:44You are pro hookup culture or against hookup culture? I'm pro hookup culture. I have no, I am pro hookup culture. I feel like hookup culture in theory is in terms of like women's emancipation and they should be able to make any decisions that they want is great. But I feel like progressive men or trad men use women's liberation and like hookup culture is a really fun way to like push boundaries when it comes to like intimacy, but then they stay tried in every other way. So it kind of benefits, of course, but what I mean is I think I don't think my value is attached to my body count in any aspect. I think if I do something and I want to hook up with someone and that man in the moment is showing me that he is XYZ kind of person and I'm attracted to that person, then tomorrow if he changes his mind shame on him.

23:45I wanted to hook up with him so I hooked up with him and I don't think it was liberating in any way. I don't think it was insulting in any way. I had a need in that moment. I hooked up with them and I don't think I said more into it. I'm okay not to talk to them ever again as long as it's both sides to consensual. I do think men in general have this thing of like there are some women that we hook up with, there are some women that we take home which is obviously their hypocrisy of like I want my cake and I have eat it too. So I don't think that onus is on anyone. I think it's again the peachy eye coming into play where obviously the we will pick and choose the parts that are beneficial to us. Yeah, I mean even from what you said, I think like the way you have a relationship with it feels a lot I guess healthier compared to what I'm feeling because for me it's like okay if I'm in that moment and yeah body count doesn't mean anything to me really in that

24:50way but the other person's intentions mean something to me and if the intentions are off I feel very robbed. Interesting because for me if my intentions are just about the moment, I don't care what their intentions are beyond the moment. As long as I'm having a safe consensual experience I'm not only first about dead long term goals or anything obviously no one wants to talk to a loser also but I'm just saying like in the moment I don't I've been I mean I feel like I think we put in too much value into our physical bodies and that kind of restricts us from you know even experiencing new things because I've also noticed that a lot of times when guys hook up with someone they bring their A game sectiony because that's the only interaction they're going to have with you. Yeah, just like acting like I you know yeah no no no no I was thinking about when you made

25:55me that commitment to use different words and you just said pot sex, sex, pot, but how to say like if we're having a serious conversation it becomes hard. Let's get into audience stories. Someone wrote in saying one time I was trying to get intimate with my partner in the bedroom and suddenly in the middle of the session all I could think about was how my hair probably looks a mess right now. My B shape tummy even though it's a connective tissue problem and I don't know where the dishes in the sink that need to be loaded into the dishwasher what the fuck. After that I was completely dried out and we had to start from the beginning. Classic problem. But it's very easy for your mind to wander when you're having sex. Your mind only wander. Unless you're like for I thought again I thought I was some anomaly where I just couldn't get into it but that's because your body and your mind are not feeling safe or comfortable enough which again the onus is not on you it's on your partner to bring you to a moment of comfort before progressing further from there.

26:57Yeah obviously. But then again I think this is one of those things that men and women are completely different. I think men have this onus of like not being vulnerable in bed. All like it at any point. So then for them it's like women wanted a certain way so that's like this is what women want because they are being fed that and for women it's like okay men need to be servicing women but for men it's like oh but women like only XYZ because our algorithms are so different that I feel like it's a communication thing where I don't think any kinks I don't think anything is weird as long as you and your partner on the same page about it but no one wants to talk about it right everyone's like what have you faced that issue where like you haven't a either you haven't want to talk about it or your partner is not receptive I faced an issue where my partner is like why do we need to talk about this so much

28:00and but I was just like because things can happen in a lot of different ways like at least we should be on the same page about it if not like safe words or anything of that sort because it just puts the experience and if you're watching a movie are you not going to discuss if it's going to be a rom com on a western yeah I want to know what kind of session we're having sure and as the only big sister thing I can say I don't know I feel like millennial women we all discover things and we're like wow this is the reality but like Gen Z is way more like in tune but it's that if today a rom com got you going it's not 100% guarantee that tomorrow the rom com is what we'll get you going yeah you might want to watch horror you might want to watch action yeah and there is no straight path just because it worked the last time for you to reach a good point in your yeah but there is a session yeah but there is I think something in compatibility in the bedroom that is not spoken about and then

29:05because I know that growing up intimacy was not a conversation there was no birds and the bees in fact I've only seen my parents pack maximum and it just physical touch between romantic partners is quite looked down upon in our society so it becomes very hard to see what is right what is wrong what is coming out of a place of being like horny and what is coming out of a place from just wanting physical touch with a person that you love true I don't think any Indian woman can even admit to herself that she is horny really I think and it's a very barring one I don't think I think it's a tough conversation at all maybe I'm just pro like projecting I think it's a tough conversation to have with yourself to admit that you have desired on what is measured for a woman because we are like a child you the only time you should procreate like have sex is when you want to procreate after your wedding yeah and or when your

30:09partner is interested because I'm telling you and you know credit where credit is due men get rejected so much yeah you watch a woman get rejected as many times and they're spiraling yeah and this is within a because firstly I don't think most women are approaching strangers for anything you know just asking them anything asking them out we are getting rejected within the confines of like okay this person loves me already and that feels like such a person is such a mean like it's like oh fuck it like I don't want to have sex ever again like you know all those thoughts do come in your head and you kind of have to be like no no like if a man reacted like this to rejection I would be like this dude is crazy yeah so you have to kind of stop that or be like it's okay if someone doesn't want to do it it's okay if like today is not this zone and everything let's move on with your day and men get rejected at least five times as much as women yeah so for them

31:15also it's I guess I guess comment down below if as a guy you you get rejected a fair bit what are hacks to overcome rejection without being a red flag you can't take it personally because I don't think like see everyone's intimacy is their relationship with themselves we know how much more when the mood when we are looking at certain way when we are doing something we know how much it is not about our partner to begin with so I'm assuming every rejection is not about the person who's facing the rejection it's about the person that's rejecting right yeah my closing piece of advice as so intimacy coach for this episode is that you need to spend time getting comfortable you need my therapist said that if you are out of your body which we often are even just having a

32:16conversation with your partner before you get into any kind of physical activity neutralizing yourself having a fun little conversation where both of you feel a little bit connected or will always help you when you take things to the bedroom yeah anything from my agree with you 100% like I won't go to therapy so naturally I'm writing to two women with microphones instead I don't think I'm insecure I think I just have insane STD paranoia like before anything happened my brain is already like okay but what if this alter the trajectory of my life and being a woman who loves women does not help because why are the protection options basically non-existent but also how do you even have this conversation with someone you're just hooking up with or having a one night stand with like hey you're hot by the way when was your last STD test I think it's a normal and responsible question but in the moment it feels so awkward so how do I bring it up without making it weird

33:17as sounding like it's an employment background check I don't think there's anything I do think being intimate is a logistics thing I think it's a communication thing I think it's a clumsy thing even if it's a one night stand if the person is attracted to you they will answer the question and if they are not the person for you they they walk off then you have to take the rejection with your chest you're allowed to have standards of who you're sleeping with they are allowed to have their own thing of a boundary that they don't want to cross although I don't there's anything unsexy about asking about STDs I actually know somebody okay they are an extreme case but they essentially before they meet a person in person they send out a contract or famous no they're not famous but they like offer okay these are some of the baseline rules and stuff that we will be in I think and they also make sure that they

34:20FaceTime the person before they meet them because of a lot of like fishing and things like that It is awkward when you're trying to have a moment and you don't want to kill the vibe but if you are so paranoid and it is the right paranoia to have then maybe either you get comfortable with being able to ask them these questions or maybe hook up culture is not for you maybe you are somebody who will feel safer with an emotional connection maybe you should wait a doubt and find that person and take your time I'm very curious to ask I don't think there's anything to do with the episode yeah when you think of hookups are you thinking of only with strangers what is the other option like someone you know yeah no I mean whoever if I go on a first date and I'm like spending time with them and I hook up with them yeah is that the same level of paranoia if you were in that situation is if you know the person briefly or something and you hook up with them is that it has that inside the same novice system response as hooking up with

35:26a absolute stranger yeah oh yeah like I mean from a safety perspective for sure I somebody who's who you're talking to for the first time they obviously will always be on their best behavior yeah yeah so even if you're familiar okay slightly less daunting than somebody you randomly meet but sometimes we can't be friends I mean you're if you're going to dissect like I'm just asking for curiosity or we can cut it out so I want to be like prepared for whatever is happening yeah but a hook up can also be prepared is what I'm asking I know I don't know what the question is yeah what is that make you feel the same amount of like your novice system saying a can do hookups that would that change if it's a friend that you end up hooking up with is the romantic aspect important for you for you to be able to get intimate or is it someone that you're like is it the thing that I don't know this person at all is what I'm asking I think love and lust are two very

36:26different things yeah and lust works in any direction I personally really enjoy romance yeah and I enjoy love so I'm not super predisposed to acting on lust okay yeah have you ever had to take an S.C.D. test no I feel like I've taken it once just to know like with your entire blood tests I've taken it I do think I've had some stupid mistakes that I've done in the past where I'm like fuck I can't be doing all of this nonsense but at the end of the day I got an extremely lucky I guess but I am very comfortable going I bro I feel like with men especially if they are trying to get in bed with you you can ask them to do 40 things before and they go do it like in a line in front of you with women I think women should be more understanding of I think women should be more protective of their health yeah but if it's a woman asking a woman I do think it'll be met with more

37:28I think maybe this is my bias but I think all women are kind of having the same insecurities and anxieties at some point so if you are having the anxiety it might even trigger a whole anxiety and she'll come with you to test together maybe that's a good first date get your S.C.D. panel yeah yeah let me my Friday night idea okay this one is a little heavy I'm writing to share my experience regarding intimacy and body insecurity my ex-boyfriend was heavily influenced by porn and would constantly pressure me to replicate positions he saw online he also insisted on recording us claiming to want to watch it later which made me incredibly uncomfortable trying to copy these unrealistic standards completely ruined the intimacy for me I found myself completely zoned out and bored and now that we've broken up I'm constantly worried about the footage that he took and yeah pornography completely warped his perspective on intimacy yeah that's what I was I do think it's very unfortunate that porn addictions are ruining people's sex lives and he has

38:34an unrealistic expectation of intimacy through online content but it's so easy to get co-hosted into these situations because you know we have the heat of the moment also I think women in general are taught to kind of placate their partners right so if your partner who is more experienced by this thing of watching people online and it's like I swear this is how it happens and you don't know anything because of that point you trust your partner and you're like I guess this is it and you're like putting yourself in situations that are already so vulnerable and you don't even know if you're going to enjoy them you don't then your partners put so much pressure on you to do certain positions and all and recording it and everything I imagine it's extremely damaging to yourself worth and your relationship with intimacy because you're like how much of it is for me

39:38and how much of it is from this partner who is all of it is for you yeah as a principle it's always nice to find a partner who is a giver more than a takeer it'll bring you a lot of mental peace and I feel like birds and bees conversations for at least for girls need to become a little bit more nuanced where apart from filling them with the fear that you could get pregnant if you're not careful it is so much about if the person is not respecting you in the bedroom it's a red flag if it's not a hundred percent yes it's a no again the bees are this with marriage definitely more pertinent differently more important with intimacy because you know you may not marry everyone that you're intimate with but your intimacy kind of helps with your confidence it helps with your security it helps with a lot of things and if you're putting yourself in positions that you feel unsafe that should stay with you and attorney festers so much nervousness in you

40:42yeah but ask I would still reach out and ask him to delete the pictures if it's someone that you trust and if it's not someone that you trust I've realized that as you grow there are different things that keep you up at night dumb things that you did it it it's things that you did just file that away in that folder if anything I don't think you I think anyone that Denise is sex stays and maybe that's coming from intense privilege I think their life will is more affected like in terms of like consequences yes yeah like you can go to the cops you can do all of that social sigma is a thing but we can't let it from feeding this guy consequences yeah what I ought up five insecurities my top five insecurities now they've changed physical fitness was one because you're like hello what I'm into my stamina why am I so like why am I sweating and why am I like parched at the end hair was definitely one body body hair a lot of like not being in it I used to be

41:48so out of it and then I would think that it's a me problem and why am I not yeah obviously that needed to be addressed instead of like ignored and yeah you know that's three other than that I'm chilling dude yeah yeah for me I've come to the point where I've accepted that human bodies are gross yeah and minus gross everyone's is gross and like a just logistics kind of way like every time I move my body at this is like a sweaty mess of limbs and everything so lights on everything on like it's just like if I have something in my body it obviously can't be so abnormal that no one has ever had it yeah so then I'm just like yeah this is me let go okay come people said this one person said it's funny but the first time I showed my boobs to my guy he laughed not an alien eating experience I think a lot of me I think also I feel like if you're a young man and you're seeing boobs for the first time you should be so grateful yeah but have you never laughed

42:53out of nervousness maybe yeah they're so beautiful as like a like the a woman's body is so beautiful so if you're just like a dude in his like boxers anything's gonna make you so nervous that you will laugh yeah that's such a lovely well I never knew you're so you're so glass half full in the bedroom something you are loved as soon as the door shut them a glass half full that you got gout okay someone said dark armpits dark inner thighs and performance this I used to get a lot of questions like what do you do about dark armpits dark inner but what do you do about them you can't you just swallow your pride and go for it but my thing genuinely is if your body has been made it cannot be abnormal if you cannot be the one inner seven billion person going through this you're you're new shit yeah so then what is the point of going like oh my god this is different it's actually not different about

43:54you everyone must have it if you have it you can also just address it like just tell your partner yeah you know I'm like I don't want to expose myself so so the first date I went on with my partner I was a little nervous but I didn't know what to do right so I was the leaving my house and I was like listen I have something to tell you but you can't judge me for this you can't judge me like and he got nervous he was like what is it and I was like first you swear whatever I tell you you can't judge me and then he was just like okay I swear and we had never met so he had no reason to swear and I was like I've forgotten to my where my earrings and my ears are completely naked please don't judge my naked ears I would never get out with this and he was like what are you saying what are you saying and then after that anytime I want to admit an insecurity yeah to him he's like this is the earring saying all over again because I didn't even fucking notice that you

44:54didn't have earrings on that's true this someone said I always hide my face during intimacy because I feel like my facial expressions look ugly which I can't really comment on maybe you can practice expressions in the middle everyone's facial expressions during sex out yeah that's what I'm saying like if you're going to compare yourself to professionals in a film nothing will look the same it's also they are acting they are acting you know the my favorite bleed out of like adult films is that people dirty talking in American accent like when you try to do it in your neutral accent it doesn't hit the same I want to I want to be nasty you know no one's as nasty I want to be nasty sorry so of course a lot of people have performance anxiety glad I don't have that performing I'm doing it right now

45:56okay while having intercourse I always speak the oh I am worried I will never hold during intercourse sorry yeah no that's okay so oh really you know what I think you haven't found the right person yet no no no no no why why because someone again it goes back to comfort like if you are not being able to calm yourself down which is the reason why it's not happening for you then the person next you needs to help you calm down and if you're not next to a calm person it's never gonna happen I disagree completely you need to know what gets you there that's what you can guide your partner to do whatever in the bedroom but first you need to figure out what you like what you don't like how you get there and a lot of women don't get there from penetrative intercourse you have to try new things you have to figure out what you like because and then don't be shy to admit that's

46:57what you like and the partner is honestly for me like yeah it has to be a receptive partner but how much will your partner do if you don't know what you want fair yeah that's where I'm coming from but yeah you have to figure out what you like and like there's a lot of women that don't do ring S twitching positions look so effortless in films but in real life it's so awkward finding the right one as somebody who's done intimacy on screen and I've said this every chance I've gotten it is so clumsy on screen as well like that entire thing no one is enjoying that process let me tell you that you really have to be depraved to be enjoying it and you know when when I don't know when you were younger so when I was younger like Cosmo was the magazine okay that I was not allowed to read because it was super saucy and they would give like sex advice and have a full column and I was like what are they talking about in there and then you'd see like you know people would

48:00of course again when I was younger like Google and all those just starting up so you know when you like okay what are these positions in the kamasutsu and you look at them you like this is what it is like this is so complicated she's like doing a handstand yeah and I was like oh my god I need to train like high rocks for my first time like this if it if I'm lying like a body it's not enough missionary so that none of us have to use our muscles yeah you know you're aging when like missionary becomes though like I love missionary it's so sweet it's classic some people like when I lie yeah yeah yeah missionary sweet I have no problem with missionary yeah we can talk how do you make a podcast how are you feeling in this moment they have just seen the missionary so we can discuss politics you all do understand that it looks good in movies because everything looks good in movies anything you cut a trailer from looks amazing I this is again like I like I what do you call it highlight reels from the week yeah our vlogs yeah everything you

49:09because films are not going to show you an awkward sex scene unless it is like girls or something or show that's now become more real about and realistic about sex but as well as you know not everyone's having the same sense no one's got a soundtrack following them around when they're no one's girl as soon as you touch going like it's not happening like I don't think hook-up set parties have ever gone looked hot yeah have ever felt hot they look great in films yeah but I are they are not just sloppy especially you know when you're seeing a movie where you see like a couple going for dinner and then they go back and they're doing the deed and they're having this see me make out such I know your breath stinks yeah like there's so much prep and what you know what keeps me up at night and like if you are abroad and you're not using a jet spray in your life and these people are just like hooking up with each other like how are you just no like you

50:11you're a napkin person but apparently when you're turned on your body ignores a lot of gross stuff not my body not mine mine you can't get only turned on if there's anything gross happening there is something about like when you're turned on you ignore a lot of unsexy thing that's love for me no like just in just the grossness of being human bodies are so fucking gross yeah you never know some people want to be pissed on and stuff not to kink shame but little shame the reason all shame shame no but even like okay so obviously in every movie that you watch everyone is so arched if you arch yourself like that like you will hurt yourself yeah you you hyper extend your body like Kylie Jenner has ruined people's spines yeah because you're like always hyper extended it's not good for you and all of us can go to Korea and get that chiropractic realignment surgery thing done

51:12I haven't seen that they have these clinics where you go and they just surgery not a surgery but they like fit you into please I don't believe in chiropractals I think they scam me I don't want my back cracked like that that looks so good it looks dangerous yeah I don't know like I feel like a lot of positions like firstly anyone who's talking about like explicitly sexual things I know that they're just masking and they're super insecure yeah yeah the best people in bed are the quiet ones yeah and you can really cloak it especially with men because they think Dan Bilzerian has done nothing for men into like he has these women around him and he's buff and he comes across his days so men are like this is the ideal man and all women that speak to these men who like treat women like objects are like yaks yeah women are into timidhi shalamet they're not you don't don't need more not any more here moment okay I want your thoughts on a couple of things role play

52:15what are your thoughts on role playing means I'm a not for me I can't play any other character but I do I'm a very like just go joke or not you know please tell me about it I like hearing stories about people's like sex lives in a very chill way like unless I know your partner then I don't want to know but I don't want to know please don't tell me but yeah if someone I'm down to try anything once yeah I can't get into characters like that oh like what sir I'm not getting into costumes yeah costumes so I actually maybe costumes help because when you're not in a costume when you're just doing it it's like you're doing improv theater or something yeah and it's but I I get annoyed if the role play is not going the way I wanted to like act for the script food in the bedroom no no I don't eat my normal food also in the bedroom yeah I don't get this whole whipped cream I don't believe in snacking also so I'm ready like it's the first thing I don't want sugar on me

53:21then cheaty will come like how many fluids do you want to bring into the mix as if it wasn't enough calling people daddy shop you have nothing to say hi yeah I'm always mommy daddy whatever um my high club like flights yeah I'm god has given me a bed I agree I don't get it I also think that people that want to do it everywhere get checked like why what's the point of doing I don't get the thrill of it maybe that's why the thing is I feel like we've just grown older but I've never had the urge to do anything but there was not a bed yeah like I need my like pillows are just a certain way under my back and all of that like I really tried to remember when I was younger and you know everything was such a thrill everything was an adventure but sex is like body image it gets better with it yeah because there's comfy or beds no I mean earlier you

54:27earlier you're like oh we have to go to this friend's house whose parents are not in town you have to like coordinate some logistics like that I feel like I'm a cool guy you know my room was very close to the main door nice yeah I'm not I'm not a kink shema yes but what's the kink you would like to shave shame you know well like accepting well like anything goes but if you do this that's where I draw the line no actually you know what kink I in a different life I wish I was on top of financial domination like you being dominated financially like me dominating other people financially like they give me their credit card as their kink and then I just spend it and then I spend a lot of things and then they get like don't know yeah I might have a kink for that no one has given me their credit card like that I'm fortunate to find experimenting if anyone wants to do it yeah but do you have a key I use that being like I can't shit yeah like I don't like let's keep it

55:34solid you know but like let's not solid like let's relax yeah let's go what have no missionaries let's keep it clean let's keep it clean it's a clean set it can't be anything that doesn't take more than two minutes to clean up I don't want it you can never be unpist on just remember that shut up and no if your genuinely have found someone willing to piss on you and y'all want to buy why are you forming it through this segment I have peace sponsoring you right now relax it's done I don't want to shame some poor person with a they are they don't care they already know it shame fact yeah he's like the fact that I'm shaming them is giving them a bono right yeah like say it again and suddenly get a super thanks on this video if you don't want a super thank us you can subscribe to us in closing thought I was young once and I remember the pressure of my first time and you

56:38know other people had done it and you know I was like oh my god is this right time how how do I do the safely will I know what to do etc etc etc and the answer to that question is that do it when you're ready you don't need to run to a finish line find a good partner who you can deescalate all your tensions with the more jokes you crack together the better it is in the bedroom yeah and remember that there is no decision that's not reversible but at the same time don't be so crippled with anxiety that you can't do things this you only get better things by doing them multiple times so it's okay if you're if you're bad at it you've never done it you will get better at it no one's having perfect sex as much as media would like to sell that everyone's figuring their own thing out abortions are legal in our country don't stress as long as you are an adult and you're having respectful, consensual, safe sex on that note we're gonna go have