It Takes Courage To Admit Your Truth (2365)

I think it is way more courageous to just admit the truth than it is to lie to yourself,

but it hurts more, it sucks more, and I think at the end of the day, we are conditioned to lie

because it keeps us safe, and that's, unfortunately, holding us back and hurting us.

You can't make good effective decisions on false data. I say that to my clients all the time,

we're going to talk about it today. Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Paul

Mary, and I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven, but no

BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every episode is to help

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Next level nation today for episode number 2,365. It takes courage to admit your truth, so this is

a part two from acceptance is the first step, and the reason I wanted to do a part two, I think I

probably wanted to do it more than you, is because I don't know, it's it is become abundantly obvious to

me that when you start admitting things that suck, eventually it gets to the point where it's like

it really doesn't affect you almost at all. Eventually. Eventually. How long do you think?

Depends, man. Let's say level five in securing. It would have to be years. I would say mostly,

it almost sneaks up on you that it doesn't bother you anymore. You know, when I broke my nose,

that really bothered me way back, and now I never think about it. It's like you being short,

you used to bother you every day, now you may still think about it. I still think about it, but it's

it's like it used to be, I think it goes from like an anger to a sadness. I used to be angry,

and then it just, I think it's just like, yeah, I'm sad about it, but I don't know, sad, like a sad

morning, morning M-O-U-R-N-I-U-G. What is grief? Like there's the stages of grief. One of them

is acceptance. One of them is anger. There's like five stages of grief. One of them is anger.

I can look it up. I feel like that might be, that might be a good thing because maybe that's

all this really is. Yeah, it is. At the end of the day. Yeah, definitely is. All right, let's get

them on it. Today's episode is sponsored by Monster. Also, you know what? You say it all the time.

I can't say it one time. You say it every episode, and then it's blasphemy when I say, well,

you actually are drinking a monster. Yeah, but you'll say like this episode is sponsored by whatever,

would you? I say sponsored by coffee mug. Remember how you say actual brands, do it? All right,

sorry. Oh, maybe, but it's not. It's not sponsored by anything. It's sponsored by Alan Lazarus and

Kevin Paulberry. Five stages of grief. Please. Oh, you're just saying that as you typed it? Yeah,

no. I was just trying to bring us back. Okay. Number one is the Nile. I'm not short. Well, you

know, you think I'm short? Well, remember, I got rejected by I got rejected by two ladies. I

tried to. Yeah, let's tell that story. Let's do let's do Kevin's five stages of

awesome. Perfect. Another great episode that will highlight my successes in life. Alan and I were

at a party together. And my god, it was a long, I mean, this was like, that was a rager. That was

a rager. That was talking 12 hours of drinking 2016. It's just a ton of drinking. End of the night,

I'm going back to my tent solo. See a couple of young ladies who I knew one of them. I didn't know

the other one. And I proceeded to spit game, as the kids say. And I'm pretty sure they just outright

rejected me and said something about because I was short. And then I naturally did what an ego-driven

human would do. It was something along the lines of luck. First of all, I'm jacked. First of all,

and you have no idea how much money I make. So this is a fucking giant loss for you. And then I

probably wouldn't cry in the tent by myself. And then the next day I woke up, it was pouring out.

And I packed my tents up in the pouring rain at like six o'clock in the morning. And then I drove

an hour back to New Hampshire. And it was terrible. Yeah, hung over as so denial. Is that the night

that we swam at 3 a.m.? Yeah, I almost died. That was fucking blasted. It was wrecked. It was

it was a blast. I didn't know you acted like you were fine. That is the key to not drowning

for me is act like you're fine around people. All right. So denial is this can't be happening.

Psychological psychological shock absorber that protects the mind from overwhelming reality.

That's what that was. So you're like, oh, yeah, so much money. It's like, what are we even

when he says nothing to do? Number two is anger. Why is this happening to me?

Frustration resentment or blame for others? So you shot it back at them. Yep. Yeah. Instead of

what a mature man would have been is, okay, fair, fair and have a good night. Yeah, that would have

been it. All right. Yeah, no, have a good fair. You are you are statistically correct. You're

actually correct. And I thought I'd take the shot anyway. And you know what? That might actually work.

Yeah, believe it or not, you would have probably that worked. That would have been more successful

than well, I'm jacked and you don't even know how much money I make. So that's the I hope that

that's one of the lessons that that comes out of this. The lessons is that already of

when you protect yourself from hard truth, you react in ways that almost guarantee you don't get

success. Yeah, you know, because you just don't face the reality. If you would just face the reality

and said, Oh, I understand. Okay, fair. So you've never you would never consider, you know, a

short person. And then you could have a conversation. It could have led to something. I'm not I'm

just saying. Yeah, 100%. It's a weird metaphor, but all right, anger's next. You did that good.

Bargaining. If I only had done X money and negotiation to try to reverse reduce the loss.

To bargain. I'll give you $60. No, no, no, no, no, no, maybe in my head after I probably like replayed

like what I should have done. What I should have said. So yeah, but not bargaining to them. No,

number four is depression, the car at home. For sure. Oh, my God, brutal.

This is the reality now. And then five is acceptance. That's the one we're trying to get to here.

Just accept last. Yeah, that's a cool. That's a good long time. And again, we use our examples.

I remember when I found out when I found out, I remember when I realized that basketball wasn't

going to take me anywhere. I love basketball, man. I'm going to play basketball every day. I loved it.

2009, we played every summer, every day, the whole summer. It was awesome. It was like the

best freaking summer. We went to the beach, we played basketball, we partied, and then we woke

up and do it all again. It was unbelievable. We had a whole group of friends. It was amazing.

But anyways, I remember when I realized the fact that I would never, no matter what I did,

never be in the NBA. And it was like, I'm wasting my fucking time. Now, I know this is going to sound

off to anyone who like does things for experiences. But to me, you can love a lot of things in life.

You might as well love and pour time and effort into something that's going to pay dividends.

And for me, that was like, I went through this depression of realizing that I wasn't gonna.

Like seriously, I did that with a lot of careers. A lot of potential careers I had to let go of.

It wasn't an easy decision for me to go to college instead of pro gaming. Like that was like a really

I, I remember taking like, I don't know, I don't want to exaggerate. Maybe a week of

just like contemplating in my head of like, am I really gonna not game anymore?

Like that's really fucking sad. And you want another really sad part is not a couple years later,

some people that I used to stomp. Like we're better than me. I went to a tournament,

I didn't know where like two and a half years later, and I got fucking crushed. Dude, I got

fucking crushed. I was so bad. And these are people that I used to fucking stomp. Like easily.

And it was devastating, man. That was like, okay. Well, you chose to go to college. Like, you know,

yeah, that happens to me with grappling. When I started Jiu Jitsu in like 2006, nobody was doing it.

It was like relatively new. When I went back last year or two years ago, I was getting smoked by

everybody. It was like, the stuff that used to work didn't work anymore. Like everybody knew it.

It's like, oh shit. I'm like way behind. I mean, this is evolved the way faster than. So I had that

moment of like, you're not going to be that you're not going to be very good at this. Like there's no

if I kept at it, sure, but well, this is why acceptance is a value because because if we didn't

accept those truths, we wouldn't be where we are today. Well, it helps you close the loop.

It just blows the fucking loop. You can still do it if you want to as a hobby. Yeah.

But it's not going to be your thing. I always say this to my clients, you do not build a career

around something you suck at. Do not do that worst idea ever because there's someone I'm telling you

who is like just awesome at that and loves it and is going to be committed. You're competing with

those people. We live in a very specialized world. There are certain people, I'll use this one

example. There's a woman who wanted to be a podcaster and I was like, there's not a chance.

You're not a strong communicator even a little bit. You're a very monotone. I didn't say this to

her, but I was discouraging her from that path a little bit just because I wanted to see her win

at something she could win at. And then there's someone else I've told a story before where it's like,

you are, you would be better than 90% of people right now. Jump on the mic and you're already

better than most of the podcasters I've ever met. But she doesn't know that no one gets a standing

ovation on their first speech. Like she doesn't understand how good she is at this.

And she does now because I've told her, but I think that that's something that's people

struggle to accept when they suck. And then there's the other coin where you have to accept when

you're great too. When you're when you're great. Yeah, that's a rare one though.

Yeah, that's the one that people don't have. It's just it's just it's just it's probably harder.

What do you mean? To ex at least if you feel like you're not good at something,

you can go talk to someone who also experiences that. Like, hey man, you're felt not good enough

when it comes to blank. And that person most likely will resonate. But if it's like, hey man,

you ever like feel like you're like too good at everything. They're going to be like, fuck you.

Fuck you. Oh my god. That must be terrible. Oh my god. Oh, you're a fitness model. Oh,

oh, that must be terrible. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. You're oh, you're you have you extremely high

IQ. Oh, my god. Oh, that must be terrible. It's worse than you. I know. But again, you're socially.

It's awesome in real life. Yeah, socially. It's not good. Yeah, because everyone's so insecure

around you because they know you're studying them. I know that. I said that to somebody the other day.

What was I talking to? I was talking to somebody. And I was talking to I was talking to a client

who's a very intimidating woman. And she said, for some reason, I don't know. Women always

treat me weird. It's like, because you're fucking intimidating. I said, I have a client. I said,

email your name's Emilia. She's Alan's Alan's partner. I said, every time before I get on a call

with her, I don't want to do it. I'm hoping she'll cancel. She doesn't ever, unfortunately. But

I'm hoping she'll cancel because I know as she ever. No, no, she's been late. Oh, yeah. Runs in

the family. Runs in the family. We'll always be there. But she's never she's never canceled.

But I'm I'm always I'm yeah, I'm always nervous because I know she's studying. And then the

person I said this to last. I said, well, now I email you. But like, how do you know? Because I know

you are. Yeah, but how did you know back in the day? I didn't. I didn't until you told me. No,

but people can know by that rationale, people who meet me for the first time wouldn't be. I don't

think they think you're studying. I think they think you're judging, which essentially is the same

thing, but it does very similar. It doesn't feel like the same thing. One thing I want to give to

everybody listening is just food for thought. Can you make a decision without judging someone or

something? Like, like, why do you choose your partner? You're supposed to. What people say when

they say don't judge what they really mean is don't judge unfairly. Yeah. Yeah. I know you are,

but I'm not trying to convince you. I think that that's a massive blind spot for human beings.

Genuinely, like, if you don't judge, you're going to end up in terrible relationships with

terrible friends and terrible, like, what is an interview? When we interview team members,

what are we doing? We're assessing and judging whether or not they'd be a good fit for NLU and

anything other than that is a terrible idea. What's a judgment call? If you've ever tried

something and say, like, yeah, I judged it wrong. That means you were inaccurate. That's all

means. It doesn't mean it was bad or worse than it is. That's not what it means. It means you

were inaccurate about your expectation and you got Jeff. I remember when I was, when I was a

young boy, we like to ride our bikes and jump. We had these jumps. Yeah. I, BMX bike. Yeah. BMX was

big. It was very big. It would play Dave Mira. Yeah, man. Of course. They had a sick soundtrack on that,

you remember? All of those did. Tony Hawk, the first Tony Hawk that came out. One of the greatest

games of all time. Yeah. One of the greatest games of all time. Yeah. Those games were ahead of their

time for sure. But every time I went to do a jump, my judgment was off. I don't think I ever

did one successfully. I was terrible. Can we talk about that? Because, and I know we got to go

here. That's why people always ask, why are you so obsessed with objective truth? Why does that

matter? Like, why do you need people to know the truth? I have a client who I adore. She is

amazing. And she admitted to me last night, she's like, I gotta get it together. I'm overweight.

And I was like, good. Good. That's the first step. If you dilute yourself into thinking you're

not, you're not going to do anything about it. And that will, like, what if you have a heart attack?

I know that that sounds drastic, but that's common. Yeah. Heart attack is the top three causes of death

in the United States. This person is in the United States. It's the first step is admittance

and acceptance. It is. You have to admit and accept, okay, I'm not going to be a pro basketball

player. Okay. I am overweight. Okay. I am out of shape. Okay. My legs aren't as fit as my

upper body. Okay. I am short. Okay. I am, I'm not that naturally smart. So now I gotta go get

around smart people. It's, there's so much positive constructive on the other side of the pain.

The first step to, okay, I admit, I drank too much. Awesome. Now drink less. It's like the,

it's the first step to transformation. It's so logical. It's so logical. I know. It's the first

step to transformation. It is. But it's, I purposely have been using shorts in the gym

because I want the insecurity of seeing a top heavy bodybuilder so that I force myself to get

my legs bigger. And I also need to recomp and my legs have zero fat on them. It's fucking crazy.

But my upper body carries a lot of fat. So I'm like a little top heavy right now because I'm

two-ten. When I dial down, it will, it will even out. One's that starting. I don't have

done we chose. You have the dialing ground. Yeah, yeah. When, when will you be starting that

person? Three days before. No, I'm kidding. I'm anywhere from two to four pounds down right now,

depending on how much salt I had the day before. No, but I am recomping. I'm recomping because I

built a lot of fucking muscle this past year. And I'm a little bit fat, honestly. I wore shorts.

I did legs today and I wore shorts for the first time a long time. So I'm, I don't, the

reason I don't normally wear them is because I wear knee sleeves and I don't, there's no

point. There's no concern about being top heavy because you have big legs. I don't like my calves.

Even though I get caught, you, I think you've said many times like two calves are fun. I don't,

I hate it. I think everybody, every man just hates their calves.

Yeah. And like of all things to make fun of somebody for. Like, you know, this is a

fucking miracle. I can walk around on these things. Like, what are we doing here?

Make fun of something else. I got tall legs, man, long legs. You have tall legs.

So as an ectomore, if I got long legs, I can run like the wind, baby, but yeah, I'm

building a sausage. It's not, it's not, um, there's very few tall,

lanky bodybuilders who have really good legs. There's a few I know of that are like really good.

It's not easy, man. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Of course, I can only imagine,

I can only imagine I got these little legs, but they can push it, baby. So we can push your takeaway

for this episode. The only way to truly be accurate with yourself is to admit the truth.

Because you're only deluding yourself. Everybody else already knows. Everybody else already knows

the truth. You're only deluding yourself. And it's not going to help. Imagine if I went around,

it's like, I'm fucking so tall, baby. I love being tall. It's annoying how tall I am. You know what I mean?

It's at least when I back in the day before I was happily married and I was on a dating apps,

one of the first things I would say to somebody is how tall I was because I didn't want to waste

their fucking time. Now I hated it and I wish it wasn't that way. But it is. And that was also

me coping because I didn't want to like get embarrassed face to face. That was a piece of it too. But

if you don't live in the truth, everything is going to be diluted and it's going to hurt you more

than anyway else. Ridiculous metaphor, but important. Imagine if you had no idea gravity was a thing

and then you jumped out of a window. Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is like if you really didn't

know now you're dead at the bottom. Like that's a metaphor. My point is is people are so frustrated

with accurate thinking. They don't like it. Most of the books and book club are all about

accurate thinking. My whole world is like how do that's what I do in coaching. I hope you think

accurately about yourself others in the world. The reason why is when you think accurately now you

you're in control. If you think in accurately, you're going to try a double backflip and break

your neck. Seriously, I know that's an extreme example, but everything is that. If you go to the

Philippines to buy land, there's not a lot of land. You go to Canada to buy land. You need to

understand the and people in Canada are like well land so expensive in Canada. I understand.

Okay, houses are expensive. Land, not necessarily and then they're going to come at me for that.

Okay, relatively speaking globally, the point is that data is so critical. You can't make

good decisions without accurate data. When you think about yourself, when you delude yourself

and you don't accept all of who you are, you basically can't be as effective. You just can't

be as effective at getting your results and you can't transform something you don't admit.

If you want to be the most effective version of yourself and you're looking for a coach to help

you do that, Alan is your guy. Reach out to Alan directly. If you want to be the most effective

version of yourself when it comes to fitness, we have the next level fitness accountability group.

It's on fire. People post there every single day. It's amazing. So if you're looking for

an amazing group of humans who are also into fitness, reach out to Alan and or myself,

we will let you in. As always, we love you. We appreciate you.

grateful for each and every one of you. And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting

to the next level, make sure to and tomorrow because we will be your every single day to help you

get there. Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. Next level nation.

Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. We love connecting with

the next level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out

to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes. Thank you again

and we will talk to you tomorrow.