Jack Benny - After The Races

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More karaoke.

To be the level best.

More karaoke.

To be the level best.

Your level best.

That's just how you'll feel when you light up a lucky.

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And LSMST.

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So next time you buy cigarettes, remember, luckies find the back hole,

put you on the lucky level where you feel and do your level best.

Where things seem right and are right because you feel right.

Yes, smoke a lucky to feel your level best.

The lucky strike program, starring Jack Benny

with Murray Livingston, Till Harris, Rochester,

down to San Euron, slowly done well.

Ladies and gentlemen, for years, millions of people have heard Jack Benny on the radio.

Last Tuesday night, our star made his debut on television here on the West Coast

and the reaction to Jack's first television appearance was electrifying.

One man prominent in the entertainment world is Mr. Bertram Scott, who said,

I think Jack Benny going on television is going to be a wonderful thing for our industry.

And what is your occupation?

I'm a theater manager.

Thank you, Bertram Scott.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, we bring you Jack Benny.

Thank you, thank you, Bertram.

Hello again, Mr. Jack Benny talking.

And now, without trying to sound hammy, I want to say that my first show was a success.

I know it was, Jack, it was wonderful.

Did you see it?

Oh, yes, Jack.

I invited 25 guests over to watch you on my television set and I thought you were terrific.

Thank you.

What did all your guests think of the program?

They didn't say it, they were sitting behind me.

Oh.

Say, Jack, I bought a television set just so I could see your show last Tuesday.

Oh, last night, Mary, how'd you like it?

Well, I don't think they got it installed right.

I kept getting three stations at the same time.

Well, gee, didn't you see me at all?

Yes, but all night long, you kept fighting with hop-along castes

to see who would marry gorgeous George.

Oh, I get it, Rick Lee.

See, that's a shame, Mary, and everybody was so good on that show.

Well, Jack, there was one thing I noticed on that show.

You look so much taller than usual.

Well, actually, I was a little taller, Don.

Oh, were you wearing elevator shoes?

No, it was so busy.

He couldn't get to the bank to make it a deposit.

Make it a deposit, make it a deposit.

Some show.

You know, Mr. Benny, my whole family watched you on television Tuesday night.

Oh, did I, Dennis? What do they think about?

Well, my mother said, if you're really 39, our television set has a wrinkle screen.

Your mother, your mother, she doesn't know anything.

That's a fine way to talk about a poor woman who's in the hospital with 72 stitches in her hand.

Oh, I'm sorry, Dennis, that's a shame.

How'd your mother happen to cut her hand?

When you came on, she took a swing at the screen.

Certainly glad I went on.

Well, look, Dennis, I don't care what your mother thinks.

Everybody else.

Hey, look, Jackson, don't let them kid you.

I saw you on television. You're pretty good.

Pretty good.

Thanks, Bill. By the way, how did you like the ending when I played my violin?

I didn't see that part.

Just you picked up your fiddle, the bartender turned off the set.

Oh, so you were in a bar?

No, it was Tuesday. That's the night the bartender comes to my house.

Oh, fine.

So I never saw a guy like you.

If it isn't drinking, it's pool.

If it isn't pool, it's horse racing.

If it isn't horse racing.

Wait a minute, Dennis. Don't blow your artificial top.

You know, you went through the race as your self-saturday.

I know. Well, by the way, Jack, I meant to ask you, how'd you make out of Santa Anita?

Never mind, Don.

Well, let's forget it.

Let's get out with the joke.

Now, for heaven's sake, Jack, are you still upset about losing?

Mary, I'm not upset, and I never was upset over losing.

Oh, you weren't, eh?

Don, you should've seen the way Jack smoked all the way home from Santa Anita.

Really? Very what happened?

Oh.

Well.

Jack won on the sixth race, but he lost it all back and little more in the last two.

When the races were over, Jack, Dennis and I were riding home and Jack's car.

We rode for about 15 minutes in silence.

Gee, it's fun going to the races once in a while.

Yeah, I had a wonderful time. How much did you lose, Mr. Benny?

Only $4.75, it was nothing, really.

Well, Jack, I'm glad to see you taking it like a good support.

Of course, Mary. What's $4.75?

It's just a deposit, some $237 Coca-Cola bottle.

That's all.

But, um, how'd you make, odd, Dennis?

I won $8.

Oh.

You won, eh?

Well, I only lost $4.75.

Did you win, Mary?

No, I lost $12.

Good, good.

I mean, that's too bad.

That's too bad.

Jack, I think you really aren't mad because you're lost.

Don't be silly, Mary. It doesn't bother me at all.

You know, I feel about money.

Hey, you know, it's easy, come easy, go.

Now, let's forget it.

Here I be, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Da-da-da-da, Rochester, should you lose much?

No, boss, I want $29.

Hmm.

Look, Rochester, you have no business betting on the races because you can't afford to lose.

But boss, I told you I won, I won.

All right, all right. Just watch your driving.

That's what you're here for.

Look, Jack, if losing bothers you so much,

we won't discuss the races anymore.

Mary, I had completely forgotten about losing that $4.75,

since who you brought it up.

Now, let's change this subject.

You know, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

The only thing on my mind now is that I want to get home for dinner by 6 o'clock.

What time is it now?

4.75.

I mean,

Now look, once and for all, let's forget about the whole thing.

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Hi, this is Alex Cantrowitz.

I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a long time reporter and an on air contributor

to CNBC.

And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing

the business world and our lives.

So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech

and outsiders trying to influence it, asking where this is all going to come from places

like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon and plenty more.

So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, and meetings with your

colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast wherever you get your

podcasts.

What was that?

Big sauce pipe dropped off the call.

Oh.

You know Jack, Ronald Coleman, sure a mad at you for touting him on to the wrong horse.

He wasn't mad, Mary.

It was Benito who sluts me.

Anyway, I'd try to help him all I had.

What was that?

Generated dark dogs.

Oh.

So heaven's sake, first the exhaust pipe drops off, then the generator, I don't see how

this car keeps going.

It's a Maxwell that's good to the last stop.

Yeah.

But you know boss, I think this car needs a checkup.

You ain't running so good.

Well, perhaps I could use some oil.

Why don't you give us some size hand, it's old enough.

No, right, don't you remember we tried that once, a Maxwell spelled backward means nothing.

Now, let's ride right on home and step on it, will you?

Ah, that's better.

He was sure must be going fast, the foxtail just threw off the radiator cap, lucky I caught

it.

That's not a foxtail and put it back on my head.

Oh, Roger sir, Roger is the man standing there motioning for us to stop, pull over to

the curb.

Okay.

Yeah?

Mr.

Do you know how to get to the public library?

No, no, I don't.

If you go back two blocks, sign left and you can't miss it.

Thank you.

A turnaround, Rochester.

What?

I don't want to go to the library, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard.

Come on, let's get going.

I'm getting kind of thirsty.

Well, if you're thirsty, Jack, there's an orange juice stand right up ahead.

Oh, yeah, look at that sign.

All the orange juice you can drink for ten cents.

Rochester.

Don't look at me, Mr. Danny, step down the brake.

Well, of course, I'm thirsty.

Hey, Jack, isn't that Phil Harris over there?

Yeah.

Hey, Phil.

Huh?

Oh, hi, you're living high, Jackson.

Hey, Phil, this is really a surprise.

Seeing you drink orange juice.

How come?

Well, I've been living in California 15 years and I thought it was about time I found out

what the stuff tastes like.

How do you like it, Phil?

For nothing proof, it ain't bad.

Well, you ought to know.

Hey, Phil, how'd you make out of the races today?

Great kid, a 190 bucks.

You were a 90 bucks, a 90 bucks.

I think it's show off.

What's eating him?

What's wrong with my 190 bucks?

I think it's a dirty trick.

Put the Alice in a higher bracket.

Phil, Jack's upset because he lost 475.

He even got mad at the horse.

I was not mad at the horse.

And why did you shove your hand down his throat to get your lumpy sugar back?

Oh, stop.

Now look, I don't want to hear any more about my losing money.

It isn't such a terrible thing.

Oh, Jack!

Jack!

Oh, hey, kid!

The Jack is down, Wilson!

Oh, yes.

Hey, Don!

Hey, Don, what are you doing out this way?

Well, it's such a nice day.

I thought I'd take the sports from Quartet.

I'll for a ride.

Take the quartet for a ride.

Where's your car?

No car.

Piggyback.

Oh, yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Very good.

The tenor is sitting on the rumble seat.

Hello, fellow.

Say, Don, have you and the boys thought about a commercial for Sunday?

Well, no, we haven't, Jack.

But we'll work out of the soon as we get home.

Well, say, Mr. Benny, since it's so close to St. Patrick's Day,

I've got a song we can all sing.

Really? What is it, Dennis?

Clancy lower the boomer.

Oh, that'll be swell all of us, huh?

Or you started off, Dennis.

Go ahead.

Okay.

Now, Clancy was a peaceful man, if you know what I mean.

The cops picked up the peaches after Clancy left the seat.

He never looked for trouble.

That's the fact you can assume.

But nevertheless, when trouble would press,

Clancy lower the boomer.

All the clancy.

All the clancy.

Whenever they got his Irish a Clancy lower the boomer.

Now, Mr. Benny's very good at telling jokes and such.

In fact, he's good at everything.

Except, perhaps, the touch.

One day I asked to borrow 10s, was then I steal my doom.

I reach for the cash and quick as a flash.

Benny lower the boomer.

All the clancy.

All the clancy.

If ever you look in his pocket book,

Benny will lower the boomer.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Now they can get him all at least by saying that he's tired.

But they should see him when he buys his dinner every night.

He gives the girl a dollar.

Though you may think it's strange.

Although the check is 95, he tells her to keep the chain.

All the clancy.

All the clancy.

If ever he sends a fuck and a half wheel,

we're in for a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I went to Jackson, Benny's house, and walked right through the door.

Is that a fact?

And there at my feet a dollar bill was lying on the floor.

I looked around, but couldn't see nobody in the room.

So pressing my luck, I reach for the bucket, and up one lord, up all night.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Now when you want a cigarette,

if something I suggest, why isn't it?

Why don't you lie to Lucky Strike, and feed your level ban?

So many to find and like to back go that you will agree.

I will.

So listen to Jackson by a pack of LSMF.

All the clancy.

All the clancy.

We sure are the likes of Lucky Strike and it changed the way you're going, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Sure and clancy smokes from tune.

That's why he saw round so far.

And all with fuse has never been.

I shouldn't be got it, I was cute.

Me old mother used to sing that to me either.

Stockhead.

I love those specials every day.

Welcome out, kids.

Okay, kids, let's have some orange juice.

I got to run off, Jackson, see you later.

Okay, hey, still, wait a minute.

Say, Mary, watch me catch him this time.

Oh, Phil.

Yeah, Jackson?

Do you know how to get to the public library?

Sure you go back to block turn left.

You can't miss it.

I ran into the same guy.

Oh, and next week I'm going up to high seers and hunt bears.

Do you want to play some more?

No, no, go on home, go on.

Well, we're getting close to home, kid.

And I'm really tired.

What's wrong?

I think we're going out of gas.

You think we're running out of gas?

What does the gauge say?

Put something in the pot, boy.

Oh, look, there's the gas station still pulling in.

Watch us or hunt the horn, so the attack...

Yeah, look who it is.

Oh, yeah.

How long is the beginning?

Well, let's just get started.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

I didn't know you worked in the gas station.

Well, it belongs to my brother-in-law.

I'm only helping out.

Oh.

Do you like this type of work?

Woo-hoo.

Sometimes you meet such silly people.

You do?

Yes.

This morning I fell or drove in with a brand new Cadillac

and it said, fill it up.

So I put in five hundred and eighty two gallons.

Five hundred and eighty two gallons.

Oh, I could have put in even more, but one window was open a little.

Mr. Kezla, you're joking.

Yes.

Oh, my.

I'm not leaving.

Oh, I thought, Mr. Kezla, how about the gas?

It's going in now.

Good, good.

Oh, Mr. Bennet, why are you here?

How are you about that green job?

You know, I'll check your different shoulder and your boys hold joints,

bring shackles, build bearings, and your extra bolts.

Well, Mr. Kezla, how did you learn so much about what's under a car?

I'm trying to cross Hollywood Boulevard.

Oh, oh, oh.

There may be a better if I don't grease your car.

I always have trouble with the hydraulic lift.

You do?

Yeah.

First it lifts the car too high and I can't reach it.

So I push the button and then it goes too low and I almost break my back.

Then it goes too high.

Then it goes too low.

Then it goes too low.

But I finally found a way to make it justified.

What do you do?

I like to look here to find my best level.

Well, I don't do it.

See, how much do I owe you for the gas, Mr. Kezla?

For 75.

Well, I don't do it.

See, how much do I owe you for the gas, Mr. Kezla?

For 75.

Well, here you are.

Come on Rochester.

We'll drop Miss Livingston and Dennis Day off and then get me home.

I'm so tired I want to go to bed.

Oh, it's nice being home and it'll feel good to get undressed.

Gosh, what a relief.

Every day the world gets a little weirder and a lot more awesome.

Cool stuff daily takes a look at everything from mining and space

to the latest in the fight against cancer to how AI is basically changing everything.

It's all the cool stuff you didn't know you needed to know.

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Subject to change.

Get this high starch collar off.

I only wore it one day and almost drove me nuts.

I wonder how Hoover stood at all these years.

Well.

Off with my sweater.

Off with my shirt.

Gosh, when I tell people I used to be a lifeguard, they laugh at me.

Just look at those muscles.

Look at those muscles. How they pose.

Hard as rocks.

I gotta stop wearing them in the shower.

The buckles are getting rusty.

Ah, feel good to get my shoes off.

I want the track short tires you out.

Burns me up the way everybody thinks I'm mad because I lost $4.75.

I'll make that up in no time.

One just appearance with Bob Hope and I'm all set.

See, it's good to get in bed.

Yes, sir.

Oh, guys, I'm tired.

What is this?

There's nothing I like.

I had a good night's rest.

4.75.

4.75.

4.75.

4.75.

4.75.

4.75.

God, what a crowd of tracks.

Oh, mister, mister, would you like to buy a program?

A program?

Yes, how much is it?

4.75.

Oh, is that all?

Here you are, here's a dollar tip.

Sheet.

Is the next race about to start?

No, don't start for 20 minutes yet.

What are the people cheering about?

They're starting to give me that tip.

Oh.

I got to win today.

I got to win today.

The horses are coming out on the tracks for the next race.

Johnny Longton looks nervous on autocrats.

Eddie R. Carroll looks anxious on triplicate.

Ralph Needs looks calm on Hedgewood.

Jack Benny looks beautiful on television.

Yeah, I do, don't I?

I got to win today.

I got to win today.

Hey, bud.

Bud.

What?

Come here, I'm gonna.

What?

Who are you betting on?

Hedgewood.

What?

Get on orange juice.

Orange juice?

Look at the odds.

All you can drink for 10 cents.

Wait a minute, you're a merry living son.

What are you trying?

Just a minute, bud.

Leave her alone.

Who are you?

I'm her sister, babe.

Oh, yes.

You're prettier than your picture.

Oh, look, there's Dennis.

Dennis.

Dennis.

You're confused, old boy.

I'm Ronald Coleman.

Well, if you're Ronald Coleman, where's your mustache?

Washington took its income tax, you know.

Oh, yes, yes.

I got to win today.

I got to win today.

I know what I'll do.

I'll go to the paddock and look at the horses.

Here's the horse I'm gonna bet on.

Hello, horsey.

You know, you know, I've got a lot of money on you.

Are you gonna win today?

Oh, Emma.

Wait a minute.

You're not a horse.

If you're a horse, how come you can talk?

I can't.

The horse next to me is a ventriloquist.

Wait a minute.

That's an old joke.

I can't help it.

The other horse is Fred Allen.

The rate is about to start.

Make your bet.

My bet.

My bet.

I got to make my bet.

I got to win 475.

Oh, gang is a window.

It's closed.

Oh, right.

Open the window.

Open the window.

What happened?

When you opened the window, the gasoline ran out.

Well, here's the betting window.

Mr.

Mr.

Here's $10.

Give me a ticket on library.

He got the wrong window.

Go back two blocks and stay in the left.

Thank you.

There we go.

If we get it in front,

our credit is second.

Library is third.

And Don Wilson is fourth.

Fifth and sixth.

That was Wilson.

Coming around the five turn library is first.

Strangler is second.

Bill Harris is bottled in.

And he likes it.

Come on, library.

One two blocks more and turn to your left.

Come on, library.

Come into the light of finish.

Wait a minute.

The finish line keeps moving ahead.

The horses can't reach the finish line.

Come on, library.

Come on, library.

The vehicle is still moving away.

It's moving away.

It's passing through where I am.

As soon as I...

Come on, library.

Come on, run, run.

You don't want to look for 75.

I'll look for 75.

Come on, run, run, run.

Run, run, run, run.

What?

You must have been dreaming about horses.

How do you know?

You're riding the dead boat.

What?

Five battles!

Gee, Rochester.

I guess I have the most exciting dream.

I won't be able to go back to sleep now.

Give me some mobile games.

Yes, sir.

Oh, by the way, boss, after you went to bed,

this is the library game for you.

Special library, what was it?

A refund from the income tax bureau.

How much?

How much?

Or now, 75 cents.

Good.

Never mind the old routine I can sleep now.

Good night, Rochester.

Good night, boss.

Ladies and gentlemen, once again,

the American Red Cross is in the midst

of one of its most important campaigns

to continue helping our hospitalized veterans

to say nothing of its many other services

to our community.

The Red Cross in action is American action.

So won't you please give generously

to your Red Cross chapter,

give through the Red Cross the heart of America.

Thank you.

Jack, we'll be back in just a moment.

But first,

Marka Lucky,

to be your level death,

Marka Lucky,

to be your level death.

Yes, friends, when you're feeling low,

Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up.

And when you're ten,

Lucky's fine tobacco comes you down.

That's why it's so important that you select

and smoke the cigarette of fine tobacco,

Lucky Strike.

Or as every smoker knows,

L.S.M.F.T.,

L.S.M.F.T.,

Lucky Strike means fine

tobacco.

No wonder more independent tobacco experts,

auctioneers, buyers,

and warehousemen smoke Lucky Strike regularly,

and the next two leading brands combine.

Yes, Lucky's are the overwhelming choice

of the men who really know tobacco.

So when you choose your cigarette,

be sure to make it Lucky Strike,

and get on the right level,

the Lucky level,

where you feel your best and do your best.

Yes, next time you buy cigarettes,

ask for a carton of Lucky Strike.

Feeling low.

Feeling tense.

VHD West are common sense,

more calarchy.

To be the level best.

More calarchy.

To be the level best best bet.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time,

time and we're going to have a special guest star.

Who's going to be, Dad?

I'm not going to tell you, Mary, but I'll give you some clues.

If he isn't tall and thin, he'll have red hair and freckles.

But Dad, that's so confusing.

Well, Mary, next week for our guest, we're going to have either Van Johnson or Gary Cooper,

whichever one I can get cheaper.

Good night, folks.

Be sure to hear Dennis Day and a day in the life of Dennis Day.

Stay tuned in for the MSNB call which follows immediately.