Jack Benny - First Professional Appearance

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quite homely, but then she can't stay in the house all the time.

I imagine folks have seen her pictures in different magazines.

You know, she poses for the beauty ads,

titled Before Taking.

And she comes from a very fine family,

all of her father, very often partake of the forbidden beverage.

It's all right for me to mention that as they have no radio.

In fact, her father drank everything in the United States,

and then went up north to drink Canada dry.

Boy, I'm glad I thought of that, Joe.

You know, the one about Canada dry.

I'm really supposed to mention it occasionally after all I...

I owe it to my sponsors, and they might be listening in.

Seriously, though, do you realize, folks,

that if you want to drink Canada dry,

but they just are glad you don't have to buy it in the bottle.

You can walk into any drugstore or soda fountain.

It has that big sign Canada dry made to order,

ask for a glass and get it.

I know you always have it in your home in bottles,

but isn't it nice to know that you don't have to worry about it?

I know that you don't have to wait until you get home to drink it.

Gee, I thought I did that for these.

Well, for a new salesman, eh?

I suppose nobody will drink it now.

And now folks, a very stirring number call.

I love a parade with a vulgar refrain

by the Mrs. Brandt Fry, Bobby Boyker, and Bob Wright.

I love a parade with tapping your feet.

I love every beat I ever draw.

I love a parade when I am a band.

I just want a band as here as I come.

The side of the drill will give me a thrill.

I throw up a skill of anything military.

I love a parade.

And I'm full of best for one of your deaths for any beginning.

I love a parade.

I thought to see the boys in blue until they're heavy-fed.

I used to love that navy band with two that had its head.

I love a stirring war parade with best of all I feel.

The big of thrill when calling boys from marching down the field.

That was I love a parade, ladies and gentlemen.

The kind of a number that grips and fills you,

gives you that great feeling of patriotism

and makes you glad that you're an American.

Personally, it didn't bother me very much

because I took a nap while the boys were playing at them.

And now folks, in case you've forgotten this,

it's jacked any again.

You know, the Canada's dry humorous.

Yeah, I thought that was good.

The Canada's dry humorous.

I made that up myself.

It sounds like it.

That witty retort was by George Olson, ladies and gentlemen,

proving a game that he is still an orchestra leader.

At that, George has a great sense of humor.

So he told me a story the other day.

Do you mind if I tell a George?

I'll give you credit for it, you know.

If you're really supposed to be true to us about George's uncle,

who has been ill for a long time,

he had what you call labor,

Poisoning.

You know what I mean?

He just works couldn't stand working.

So his doctor finally told him that he would have to get a lot of fresh air

to do outside work, but not lift anything heavy.

He told him that at no time would he to lift anything heavy.

So as Uncle got a job as a garbage man in Scotland.

Funny, I never heard that one before,

but the thing that kills me is Olson telling a Scott story.

I mean, because George, you know,

is no census himself.

In fact, he invited me to dinner the other night,

much to his own surprise,

and he paid the check with a $5 bill

that was in his pocket so long,

that Lincoln's eyes were bloodshot.

That's a fact.

However, he will now favor it with that very popular song,

it's called Carat eyes.

After all, why does his orchestra be an exception?

Well, it would be an exception.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

This is George Olson speaking.

By this time, I know you're a fairly bored listening to

Jack Dende, Ben Brutler,

but I'm a master of ceremonies, and he's a legend.

He's kind of the dry humor,

and telling you all about Major or the candidate's drive.

We also have a product to sell.

It's music.

And maybe he'll show you now just how we make music.

But everyone, we've got to tell you how we all make music.

First, there's Walling, he sure plays some with two little 16-piece summer drum.

And that's how we make music.

Now we have the boys of their violin.

Their boys are back and forth when they do dance.

And the drum.

Now the comforts play loud and thrilled

when they get going, they'll give you a thrill.

And the violin and the drum.

The old trombone plays up and down when he gets caught, he goes to town.

And the drum.

The violin and the drum.

When you want to ship a receiver or a drum,

you call upon the boys with a saxophone.

And the trombone and the trombone.

And the violin and the drum.

Play, play, now when he wants to rhythm.

Where do we go?

Why it's old Bob Rice to the old banjo?

And the saxophone and the trombone.

The trombone, the violin and the drum.

Or the cow is now a little birdie.

All right, Bill.

Now the next old fellow can't beat you.

You know him well.

It'll take a low beat.

And the banjo, the saxophone.

The trombone, the trombone.

The violin and the drum.

Or okay, Ben Bernie, if you like it.

That's it.

Now we have the piano for cadence and such.

All he needs is a very light touch.

And the pick-alone, and the banjo.

And the saxophone, and the trombone.

And the trombone, and the violin, and the drum.

So are you.

So are you.

Now the old bassist will please wait down low.

He has to get a derech of who's here, Bob.

And the piano.

And the pick-alone.

And the banjo.

And the saxophone.

And the trombone.

And the trombone.

The trombone.

The violin.

And the drum.

Hey, please.

The saxophone, trombone, trombone, trombone.

Now, that's what we made from it.

That was true, George.

I mean, babies will like it anyway.

And, that, ladies and gentlemen, is the way these guys make music.

Now, if they get only play at least,

Mrs. Olton will now play, comes West, Little girl, come West.

And I'm supposed to sing a chorus of this number.

And you know both, that, six months ago, I couldn't sing a note.

Really, I could not sing a note.

a note. But after taking three glasses every day of Canada's drive made towards

ginger ale, I still am unable to sing and can't even sign a note. So the moral of

this is drink that can't be of ginger ale, Canada's dry, and don't worry about

signing notes. So for one of the better soloists, Mr. T. was saying, come West,

little girl, come West. I'm going to eat.

I love to hear a cowboy sing like a cowboy sing when he blows, round the campfire on

the way when his head is working through. If I could hear a certain love song, what

memories it would bring me. I can forget that love song, that cowboy

sing to sing. The song will say, the moon will rise, but I want to

look in the baby's eyes, come West, little girl, come West. The breeze will blow, the stars will

fall, the stars will look for me. But, I'm too close, don't know to code when it's

coming up there, come West. No no no no no no no no no no no don't be hiding no way

I love the way its full of time, but I'm left in the baby's album,

Where's the little girl, home way.

But mine will pass, the moon will rise,

But I'm gonna live with my baby's eyes, home where it will go,

I'm well.

I'm well.

And I'm so free, so close, and I'm looking.

But I'm so close, so close, because where will I go?

I'm well.

No joy is behind it.

No way, no way, doubt it.

You know my love is for you, will it?

From the way it's full of time.

But I live best in my baby's arms.

Come where forever goes.

Woo!

Woo!

I know everybody.

There's a safe lift, or a jack that ain't talking.

I mean, you see how nervous I am?

I mean, not so much because I'm broadcasting, but I think all my relatives are listening in,

and I don't want them to know that I'm working.

And although I have an older brother that I'm quite fond of, I mean, we get along very sort of share everything together.

I mean, what mine is is, and what's is is, you know.

Uh, although it says absolutely nothing to do with Canada's dry made order,

I keep getting entirely off the subject.

But don't forget both that you can walk into your neighborhood drugstore.

Or any drugstore.

I mean, after all, I don't share what drugstore you walked into.

I'm just a master of ceremony here, that's all.

I mean, if I'm going to have to worry about things like that, you know, I'll have my hand for all of it.

But go into any drugstore and order a glass mine.

Do not a bottle, but a glass of made order, Canada's right ginger ale, and stagger out.

Isn't funny, the things you can buy today in a drugstore.

I went in for an aspirin the other day and came out with a new hat.

I imagine the next number will be by George Olson.

He's about to make his first appearance on this program.

In fact, I'm lucky to get in here at all.

This is called Drums in My Heart.

And boy, he's trying to finish this all together, if you can.

Drums in My Heart.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was the last number on our first program on the second of May.

Are you sleeping?

I hope you'll be with us again Wednesday.

In fact, I hope I'll be here Wednesday.

George, so we all hope that you'll be here Wednesday.

Well, good night, then.

All aboard.

The way we go.

Get back and lay the other train, boy.

All aboard.

All aboard.

All aboard.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are considering the first program in a new series, sponsored by Canada Drive.

The ginger ale now available, made to order and drugstores and soda bottles, as well as in bottles.

Canada Drive has presented Jack Benny, Ethel Sheepay, and George Olson and his music.

The same group of artists will be with you at this time Wednesday evening.

Drums in My Heart, from through the years, display tonight for the special collection of the coffee right over.

This is the National Broadcasting Company.

WJZ, New York.