Jay Stringer on shifting from self-hatred to curiosity.

How do we heal? In this episode, I am joined by Jay Stringer, a licensed mental health counselor and author of the award-winning book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. Together, we discuss sexual brokenness and the journey towards healing. We explore the concept of shifting to viewing sexual brokenness as clues to unaddressed and unresolved parts of our lives. Jay shares his personal experience with disordered eating and porn use and how therapy helped him shift from self-hatred to curiosity. The conversation addresses the connection between disconnection, dissociation, and sexual brokenness and the role of trauma in shaping our behaviors. Throughout the episode, Jay emphasizes the importance of curiosity and exploring the specific stories and experiences that contribute to our sexual brokenness.

Highlights and takeaways from the conversation:

• Sexual brokenness can be seen as clues to unaddressed and unresolved parts of our lives.
• Therapy can help shift from self-hatred to curiosity about our sexual brokenness.
• Disconnection and dissociation are often connected to sexual brokenness.
• Trauma plays a role in shaping our behaviors and contributing to sexual brokenness.
• Curiosity and exploring specific stories and experiences are essential for healing sexual brokenness. Understanding and integrating our stories of sexual brokenness is crucial for healing and finding freedom.
• The concept of integrity, more so than “purity culture,” provides a more helpful framework for addressing sexual brokenness.
• Self-compassion and self-parenting are essential in the process of healing and self-discovery.
• Joy and delight play a significant role in finding freedom from sexual brokenness.
• "Most unwanted behaviors are not primarily about self-medicating. They are about reinforcing core judgments against someone."
• "Embedded within the brokenness itself are clues to the healing that we seek."
• "Until you realize that you were the person on the road and the good Samaritan has come to you, that's where the heart change comes to be able to go and be the good Samaritan to others."
• "Integrity is about our ability to know our story, to know where we come from, and then to be able to co-author with God the future that is to come."

Learn more about Jay and his work on his website. If you haven't read his book Unwanted, pick up a copy here. You can also follow him on Facebook, X, and Instagram.

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For more conversations like this one, check out my book, Vulnerable: Rethinking Human Trafficking.

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