John Crist: "ChatGPT is My Therapist" & Finding Humor in War

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So, one of our favorite guests of all time.

I don't just say it because you can hear me.

John Chris, Canadian extraordinaire, just appearing in New York,

even though you have nothing in common with New Yorkers.

Why is that that you are selling out venues here?

No.

You don't understand New Yorkers.

I live in New York.

I'm from New York.

I don't understand them.

Yeah, yeah.

But you're thriving in a culture

that you wouldn't think embraces John Chris Humor.

Well, you don't know who's out there.

So, when you walk out of the show,

I mean, you've got to pray experiences,

different areas of the country.

You walk out there, you go, we'll see you.

We'll see you, we'll see you.

But it did choose to come by buying a ticket, John.

Yeah, I think that's it.

I think they, you know, it's the best.

I'll say this to you.

The best cities for me to do comedy is

blue cities surrounded by red.

Wow, okay.

That's what makes the bet.

Because you need a little bit of,

so you're always coaching me.

I'm weird to do the show.

Yeah, the blue cities surrounded by,

like if you do Ashville, North Carolina,

Seattle, very blue,

but surrounded by normalcy.

Just like practical people.

You just need a little,

you need a standing ovation

and two people walking out.

That's the perfect, that's the perfect combo for you.

You're going to be the grand old operating

in Nashville, March 8th and on the 19th Milwaukee.

The Paps Theater named after the beer.

It's not, that's definitely the beer.

I guess every city is blue surrounded by red.

The last time I had a Paps,

I pulled off the tab and threw it on the ground.

Back in those days.

You didn't like it.

You shouldn't cut it.

In the 1970s,

everyone was cutting their feet open.

Because we didn't wear shoes,

and there were a lot of tabs.

That sounds like something my parents would say.

Back when we were growing up,

everybody was cutting their feet.

The Michigan Theater in Jackson.

That's going to be in Jackson, Michigan.

Yeah.

I mean, you have too many,

go to go to John Chris.com.

Too many on there.

Yeah, I'm not there spreading the good word.

So that's why when you take off,

you really need off.

If you take off in the summers, right?

Yeah, we take off in the summers and in the winners.

So when you were in New York City,

would you notice yesterday?

Because you know what's going on with Iran?

Yeah, okay,

we're just walking through Times Square,

and we come across this,

you know, this,

hundreds of Iranian flags.

And so I go, everybody's yelling screaming.

And you're thinking, okay,

another protest.

Well, I go up to the cop.

I go, hey,

are these people happy or sad?

Like are they, you know what I'm saying?

I go, what's the yelling?

What's side of the, what's side of the,

and he goes, they want cop, goes, I don't know.

I just got here.

I asked this other cop.

So I go, I said, I go, hey,

because I was like, is this like a dangerous situation?

Or any goes?

These people are happy.

These people are thrilled.

People are crying in the streets.

And then what do you see with the signs?

Well, the signs said thank you.

They were shouting Trump, Trump.

Thank you.

In New York City,

I could not put brother, Brian.

I could not believe what I was seeing.

We just stood there.

The people were thanking me.

Because you're like,

you're American.

Thank you for what you've done.

I go, all right, it's, and especially in today, I think with AI,

because you see something on Twitter.

Right.

You go, you know, like, well,

there was no trust in it.

No, no, no, no.

Remember, you would see like a kid in the cage,

and they were like, this is what,

and then he was like, oh, that was from 2012.

And you go, oh, well, I don't know what I'm looking at here.

You can't never trust what, so I saw it with my own eyes

yesterday in this city.

So I can't tell you how embarrassed I am,

even though I don't vote in New York City,

that we have a mayor who basically hates the country.

And it does says billionaire should be illegal.

Okay, but you're in trouble then, because you are a billionaire at this point.

I mean, how does it show?

Yes, we do show, but you sell at every venue.

It's got to be a billion dollars,

because you don't pay your crew for any relation.

I mean, you give riders,

these guys, when you're like, you give them college credit,

but many of them in their 50s.

I'm asking you, yeah, yeah, I'm asking you for tips.

All right, that's what I was paying my crew.

So listen to what the mayor says,

and you said you were doing some mayor jokes last night.

But he said, today's military strikes in Iran,

meaning Saturday.

This was written on Saturday.

Carried out by the United States

and Israel market catastrophic escalation

in an illegal war of aggression.

Bombing cities, King civilians,

opening up a new theater of war,

Americans do not want this, really?

Well, it seemed like they did in Times Square yesterday.

Right, absolutely.

I always say this, it seems like we need to hear

like maybe white women on the left.

Let's have a seat for a little bit.

Thank you.

Let's hear from the, if you live in Iran,

or have a parents or a family in Iran,

I would like to hear from you.

That's what if you live in Venezuela,

I would like to hear from you.

You know what I'm saying?

That exactly, I always say to myself,

he's not even being sworn about.

He didn't make a call 1-800-a-Rani in Muslim.

Yeah, because if he did, he would go,

yeah, this regime is not popular.

We're 99% of the 91 million.

Yeah, maybe 95% hate the regime.

Yeah, yet he's siding with the 5%.

Yeah.

And is there a woman out there?

So confusing.

You don't have a hijab or a hijab on.

You could be put in jail.

For life, we're killed, right?

When I asked the brain room, because I didn't even trust AIS,

can you just run down?

What's the brain room?

We have a brain room in Foxes to get things right?

Okay, yeah, make sure.

So it took rounds, so all shows have the same information.

You were right.

I felt in there.

God felt it doesn't even know we have a brain room.

He has no idea.

He hasn't been fact checks since 1981.

And that didn't go well either.

Okay, sorry.

Yeah, you asked the brain room.

Yeah, I know that he's the only other guy you know,

besides me on the channel.

Feeling in the brain room.

Right.

Well, don't you, don't you say?

But the women are just treated awful.

I mean, you know, you can,

they're supposed to get married.

Parents can give you a way of 13.

You know, you get special dispensation.

You can be married off at 11.

Yeah.

Is that people happy?

That's what Jane Fonda was protesting for.

I mean, that's what she was doing over the weekend.

And there's no, like,

she was protesting against the Iranian regime.

For the, yeah, against Trump.

Yeah, because no one North Vietnamese,

it's hard to really get some momentum going.

You know, you've ever been like in all these ice protests.

I've always, I've looked at them and I said,

where are the Latinos?

Thank you.

Where are they?

Yeah, who are you going to battle for?

Like, Jane one, where,

where are the Latinos that like they,

I feel like the, and I could be wrong,

and I'll speak for them.

They're like, we don't want to legal's in our neighborhood either.

Right.

We don't want crime in our neighborhood either.

Like why aren't they here?

Exactly.

I've asked that about every protest.

I go, it's why it's elite, white elites.

So you are, you're in the Hollywood world.

I mean, you're a celebrity.

You're in comedy.

Yeah, entertainment.

Yeah.

But then why aren't you wearing a little

button that says ice out?

Yeah, why?

Because you weren't at the Grammy.

Yeah, you don't have to get sick.

But you don't, you even, you know, it seems like

everybody has to think for themselves.

And it's, it's for a career advancement.

Right. If someone handed John

Chris a button to say anything,

you're like, take it back.

I'll make my own, I'll make my own butter.

I'm not wearing it.

Right.

Yeah.

I wouldn't even know where to make a butter.

It's all about,

can you believe it's still making buttons?

It's 2026.

Yes, we're still making buttons.

What do you have a button on?

Yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't, it, it, it, it, I like how

comedy, comedy is basically going, you know, we're on the radio, but it's going.

Yeah.

About everything.

I agree.

We used to, we used to sit in the back of church.

My dad's a preacher and you go, we'd sit in the back of class in high school and go,

and that's what we're doing with everything.

You go, and, and, and Trump,

in his credit, he's gone off to, and we'd said to him too.

Right.

So he, but he's, he's, that's fair.

He's, he's, he's, yeah, he's like, yeah, that's, he's okay to be

criticized.

But there are times when he's being clearly sarcastic and take him literally, he goes,

I don't think I'm getting it to heaven.

I see this article in New York Times, Donald Trump doubting the afterlife.

You know, what are you talking about?

He's kidding.

You know, what are you nuts?

I mean, it's like, look, when Rob Reiner dies, you don't need to say he didn't like Trump.

Yeah.

Right?

Well, I would just, lately, I'll lay that.

But that's what you're talking about.

With the, yeah, there's, there's, I think everybody on the right could be like, yeah,

would be nice if he goes, yeah, the escalation in Minnesota,

it's not good for anybody.

He's actually said that.

Yeah, then no one goes, oh, and if he did say that we didn't know about it,

we somehow didn't get on the airwaves.

Right, so yeah, somehow didn't get to anybody.

Yeah, I don't think he goes, listen, I think we have to have a lighter touch.

Yeah, nobody wants to see two people die.

Yeah, I'm like, okay, that's a good reaction.

And now he says, Tom, home and you're in charge, that's called an adjustment.

So if you acknowledge the adjustment, I'll take you criticism more.

John, we've had this, we've had this every time we come in here.

So I want you to hear SNL, which I'm older than you.

So I remember when SNL, I used to sit there and laugh.

And just like enjoy both sides being ripped.

George somebody pushes Tom Al Gore's stiff.

I know, John Kerry is problematic.

Push Clinton, too.

Yeah, they did Clinton.

Will Ferrell play dumb?

They went out there.

It started with Chevy Chase making fun of Gerald Ford,

Gerald Ford is clumsy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't remember that.

Dana Carvey, sorry, Dana Carvey,

we used to do George HW Bush.

Yeah. And he was so good,

Bush invited him to the White House.

Yeah.

And then the invited Chase to the White House.

And he was going to say no.

And Ford's like, listen, you've been killing me.

I'm asking one favor.

You can come to the White House.

Yeah, come to the White House.

So I want you to hear this weekend.

I read about this.

I read the headline and Eric pulled the cut.

Because is this from, guys, is this from

We conduct Oh, it's cold open.

Let's listen, of course.

Hi, good evening and happy World War 3

to all who celebrate.

It's me, Donald Trump, FIFA Peace Prize winner

and Nobel Peace Prize taker.

You're going to remember when I did that.

I launched this attack after me and my board of fees

decided that we were bored of peace.

We'll wordplay there to catch it.

As we all know, Iran has been two weeks

for away from developing a nuclear weapon

for like the last 15 years or something.

So we had to act now and we're doing war.

War.

What is it good for distracting from the Epstein files?

Okay.

Right.

It's like you've like any anybody that we kind of run into

on the right or the left.

It we say as as comedians, like don't allow yourself to be co-op.

So you're like, I probably wouldn't go to the inauguration either side.

So what comedian has to stay back and go, what, what, and if that like

SNL has done that, SNL has been co-opped it by the you can't,

you know, does that make sense?

You can't trust what they're saying.

Well, it's the same thing with late night TV.

Yeah.

I mean, it's really the same thing.

I mean, it's because they can't even afford to alienate

their left of their audience.

And just declining by the day.

Right.

By the second.

And I know we've been over this, but you could go find Carson Cuts,

uh, him and Reagan were great friends.

Yeah.

He was killing Reagan.

I feel like, yeah, with you guys killed Trump.

And I think he's fun with them.

Right.

He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's so simple, John, go hit Trump.

But then you have somebody on the left come out there and go and

then goes, but by the way, Iran's a problem.

But didn't you say 20 years ago they weren't proud?

Well, that was there.

So they know everything like, okay, they're trying to,

they're showing the extreme on both sides.

Yeah.

And it put in it like if you stay silent like what we wonder back and

during the election when, uh,

we look at Charlie Kirk that was going on like,

who is an honest question for everybody listening?

Who on the let like if they killed Charlie Kirk for what he was standing up for?

Right.

Who on the left are you scared of what they would say?

Nobody.

Kamala talk all you want.

Yeah, please go say, like go on every pod.

It the I feel like the ideas

break down all of the idea.

They go, well, that doesn't make sense.

He said the women shouldn't be in the bathroom.

But then they all the ideas once they are on long form conversation,

they fall apart.

We wouldn't be scared of anyone on the left talking.

No, absolutely not.

I'm going to go ahead.

Go Rachel.

I'm out of go.

Yeah, go.

Kamala go.

Joe Biden go.

What's his name in California?

He knew some.

Newsom go.

Yeah.

And then and then all the clips show up of them looking

nuts.

We'll follow in all the war with Warcar Sponage on

Chris, who's also when you have my title on my website.

Yeah.

I got it to my Twitter box.

John, I know how you're on that tree,

but you can move it up a week earlier.

We're bombing Iran.

Yeah.

And you're scrambled to the country.

You're sitting need me.

Right.

But you were last night was very successful.

Unbelievable.

You were at Town Hall.

I said, thank you for thank you to

Mamdani for getting these streets plowed.

I used to mic stand.

I was plowing.

It was great.

He was so terrible.

And also sanitation forgot to pick up the garbage.

He had no idea.

They were just driving around with an empty truck.

They said they were.

Shouldn't we be stopping?

Is that true?

No, you had to see how bad the sanitation was.

It was just I don't know how we did it.

But he got everyone in sanitation.

So angry.

They forgot to pick up garbage.

Wow.

Yeah, oops.

Yeah, they're probably shoveled.

Doesn't happen in Nashville where you were raised.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, but he's so,

but he's so so nice.

Right.

So he woos you.

You look a little like him.

I didn't tell you.

Have people told you look a little Ugandan?

I do.

I don't feel a little mondonious.

You do.

More in this moment, we also, Gavin Newsome,

you have an interesting way of winning over audience.

So to Gavin News, I'm going to play his.

And maybe you want to use this in you with your credit.

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Anything.

I mean, what is this, Iran?

There you go, that's weekend update over the weekend.

An equal opportunity, a fan of John Christie's here.

John, where do we get all, I mean, not that you need it,

but because your social media drives everybody to your shows.

But where do we get your whole list of shows?

Oh, man, John Christie's comedy.com.

Okay.

We got 35 dates in the spring.

35 dates.

35 dates.

Get out there, brother.

That's a couple of weekends.

Even Billy Joel just called it, say, dial it back.

Yeah.

This is like, this is like a stadium at a time.

It's incredible.

The people, the people, the people need to be encouraged.

Right.

And how much new material are you writing?

100, it's all new.

I mean, it's not all new from last night tonight,

but it'll be.

You're building.

Yeah, throw a couple of jokes in.

Now, I can't do the Mamdani jokes in Louisville.

You might.

It only works here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the weekend update.

Well, what's wild about, what's wild about listening to that?

And those are, those are comedians that we all came up together.

They do stand up, yeah.

What's wild about that is, that's written for you.

Like, that's not what they think.

You know what I'm saying to like, why would you,

like, that's a serious, serious, what you're saying there.

That's corporate.

Yes.

And you're saying it.

Like, that's the, what's the,

that's the antithesis of what a comedian was supposed to be?

Do the opposite.

Say corporate told me to write this.

I'm not like, remember what's his name that would go, would go,

would go, Norm McDonald would say why?

He goes, not on the prompter and just go off the script and

Conan was, that's why they love that guy.

Yeah, they were like, I cannot believe he's saying this.

Yeah.

Imagine being in the cold read through and you get literally from corporate,

say those words we just heard.

And you can think you're the op, like, you're the,

you're the, you're the mainstream.

You're not the opposition.

Does that make sense?

Yes, and by the way, John Christie's here.

And that's just a little of the Saturday Night Live that nobody watched.

But I want you to hear Gavin Newsom not trying to be funny,

but tell me if you think this is an effective way to win over a mostly black audience.

Let's hear it.

I'm not, you know, I'm not trying to impress you.

I'm just trying to impress upon you.

I'm like you.

I'm no better than you, you know.

I'm a 960 SAT guy.

And I'm not trying to offend anyone, you know, trying to act all there if you got 940.

But literally a 960 SAT guy, I cannot, you've never seen me read a speech

because I cannot read a speech.

So do you feel like you're more like a,

he's going to tell me.

That's like, that's like, all right.

If I said, hey, Brian, come over to my hotel room later, you'll be safe.

You're like, why did you say you'll be sick?

Why did you say that?

You're like, I'm just like you.

Why did you say, so what do you think about me?

It's, it comes through.

And yeah, and he blasts Foxy.

I go, Cornell West, what are you blasting Fox for?

Cornell West said that you're since that's the most racist thing he's ever seen.

So wildest thing I've ever seen.

Right.

I'm what 960 is bad.

Right.

Very bad.

But evidently, back then, it was, that's average.

So he's saying, I have average SAT scores and he has dyslexia.

So one of the reporters asked, can you just show me where the paperwork is that you have

dyslexia because you just commented the other day that you read a book in an hour and a half.

Yeah.

And he's like, they said, hey, thanks for the information.

I remember that.

Yeah.

F you.

Yeah.

Now, that was from his communications director.

You said, yeah, you said it.

Just let help us help us help us help you.

Help us help you.

That's a, yeah, it's, it's wild that it all just kind of, it kind of comes apart after you go,

yeah, here's the mic.

No, we see this all the time.

If we get another one, will you come back?

Yeah, I'll be here.

You will be back.

Only if.

Only if this, as I need the experts, John Christ is nobody funnier.

Thanks so much.

Find him wherever he goes.

Where he visit johncris.com.

Great to be here as always, brother.

Back in a moment.