Kylie & Meredith Gaudreau on Johnny's Olympic Tribute, Raising Hockey Kids & Reality of Grief | Ep. 59

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Not gonna lie, last week I had a proud mom moment

and it tied perfectly into today's episode

and you can hold up, hold up.

Well, you'll see. Let's get this podcast started.

Welcome back to Not Gonna Lie a Wave original brought to you by Dordash.

When life happens, Dordash is there.

I'm your host Kylie Kelsey, a retired Irish dancer.

Oh no, it's not good guys.

I'm retired for quite some time. It's pretty bad.

I can't think about literally anything besides

the Donna Kelsey home renovation.

Don't worry, we'll circle back to that.

And guys, I might have a mini me.

That's right, based on all the comments on the other podcast clip of Ellie

saying she loves Uncle Traffy and Randy Moss.

It seems like there's exactly one Ellie facial expression

that has the real ones finally giving me credit for the children.

I burp. Yep, you guessed it.

It's when she says, no.

She was polite about it though.

She just said, no, she didn't say with attitude.

She just said it like matter of fact.

Someone said at Kylie Kelsey, Ellie's face when she says no

is all you, mama.

Someone else said the way Ellie says no to him

and gives him the eye.

Kylie, come get your mini me.

Girl, I'm okay with this.

Guys, everyone knows no is a full sentence.

To be fair, there's still infinite number of comments

that say how she looks just like Traff.

So, speaking of, congratulations to Travis

in the second biggest story of the week.

He's officially decided to return to the chiefs for his 14th season.

That's very exciting.

We're very excited to cheer on the chiefs again.

And we hope that they fucking crush it

because go Uncle Traff and go chiefs.

I said it.

Also go birds.

All right, now that that's been addressed

back to the rundown coming up on today's episode.

The Oscars are this Sunday.

And since I've seen zero of the 10 best picture nominees

literally none of them, I'm going to talk about.

I couldn't even, I don't even think I could name two of them.

I'm going to take a little turn on that and I'm going to talk

about some of the movies and TV shows that I have seen

thanks to my tiny humans in NGL's second annual

Screen Time Awards.

After that, I'm going to be joined by NHL wife Meredith Goodrow,

who I'm absolutely honored wanted to share her story with me.

We're going to talk about her late husband,

Johnny's tribute at the Olympics, grief,

and what's next for her as she helps other families

and carries on his legacy.

But before all of that, let's start with a couple NGL announcements.

First up, we're taking next week off

because I frankly haven't stopped moving in months

and I just simply want to sit down.

I want to sit my butt down for a couple days

and not do anything, which means I will be doing everything

for my children.

That's how I like it.

But the good news is we'll be back March 26 with my one-year postpartum special.

Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's been one whole year since

Finley and Kelsey came into the world.

That's nuts.

Remember when I podcasted with her 48 hours after giving birth?

That was crazy behavior.

And I do it again.

Real one, send us all your questions about postpartum at NGL with Kylie.

Next, in even more good news in a couple weeks,

you might be meeting a new Kelsey.

Because you're getting the cuddliest, cutest,

furious FFO of them all on March 31.

And that's all I have to say about that for now.

Meow, I'm kidding.

Am I?

I don't know you'll have to tune in and find out.

Isn't that kind of fun?

Okay, next up, Doom Scroll the Week.

Brought to you by DoorDash.

We all know life gets crazy.

DoorDash just helps bring a little order to it.

First up on Doom Scroll, I haven't been on Twitter in months.

But there was news so shocking and groundbreaking.

Even I had to pop over and check it out.

And I'm, of course, talking about the Donna Kelsey

home renovation of 2026.

For anyone who doesn't know,

the highly reputable expert reporters over here at TMZ

broke the story at exactly 8 p.m.

on March the 7th.

Okay, the headline says,

Travis and Jason Kelsey's mom Donna

remodeling her modest Florida home.

When I found out the news, I was in our home

days before this news actually dropped.

When my mother-in-law herself told me

that her plans going home were to get new windows.

And that was a little earth shattering for me

because Donna, she is well organized.

She is far more structured than anyone that lives in our house.

And so when I heard that she had scheduled this,

really just crazy remodel of getting her windows replaced.

I thought, well, Donna, we did do something for yourself.

Way to make sure that your house is sound and,

you know, ready for any of that Florida weather you might get.

And also,

her home is beautiful.

And so if it needed updating, obviously,

she would be the one to take care of that.

Because like I said, she's on top of that kind of stuff.

The article actually revealed that nine windows

and she got nine windows and six doors replaced.

I have a couple questions about this.

I don't know that she has six doors in her house.

Minor detail, but I get it.

I'm not surprised by the number of windows because,

I mean, Donna chose to live in Orlando, Florida.

She likes fresh air and good weather.

So like, obviously, you want good windows and a lot of them.

I might check in with Donna just in case.

I would love to know if there's sliders going in.

Maybe some French doors.

I wonder if there's screens on the doors to get a nice

through breeze, you know,

a little crosswind through the house.

Maybe a bay window.

That would be exciting.

A little like a little reading look.

Stop it.

That'd be cute.

I'll have to check with her.

I really wanted to make sure that we address this on today's episode.

Because I think that the gravity of this

this article was important to address.

I think that it was really, really important

that this hit the internet when it did.

I think that it was timely.

I think they did great investigative journalism,

even if they got the numbers wrong.

Go to job TMZ.

You did it.

And in our last Doom Scroll the Week,

friend of the show, Alison Kooch,

is in her third trimester and crying about hot dogs.

And as someone who has been there four times,

can confirm totally normal response.

I actually got Tiriide watching this the first time

that I saw it.

I know this is going to be really dramatic, but I think...

All I'm craving is a fucking hot dog.

That's how you do it.

I don't want to fucking eat egg whites and spinach.

I want a fucking hot dog.

Oh my god, with chili on it.

The with chili on it is so good.

I teared up watching it because when you are pregnant,

and this is not for everyone,

but I do feel like I had this.

You feel your emotion so hard and aggressively

that it doesn't need a rhyme or reason.

It doesn't.

And I mostly experienced aversion.

There was one time for three weeks

that I thought to myself,

all I want is shrimp pasta.

I want shrimp with pasta.

And I want it to be cooked a certain way

and I want it to be buttery and garlicky and delicious.

And three weeks went by of me being like,

no, I really want shrimp pasta.

And so I went to the store and I got all the ingredients

and I came home and I made the shrimp pasta.

And I took one bite and I started crying.

And Jason said, what's wrong?

And I said, I don't want to eat this.

So I understand the tears about food,

although mine were often negative,

which really sent me.

But a great answer to these random pregnancy cravings

is door dash.

And I'm going to tell you,

as someone who had aversion equally as important

because this is what happens,

you'd go on to door dash,

you tell your husband, order something.

He says, I don't know what do you want.

I said, no, no, I don't need to know what we're getting.

I'm not allowed to know until it shows up

because if I think about it too long,

I won't want it.

You think I sound like a crazy person.

I was a crazy person because I was pregnant.

And so I would give him the phone

and lucky for me, door dash saves your preferences.

So he wasn't even going to fuck it up

because door dash knew what I wanted, okay?

And he would go in and he would order us stuff

and it would come to the house and then I would eat it

because I didn't get to think about it

and because he got me something I wanted.

And it was beautiful and I loved that

because it was the only time that I actually could

stomach eating food sometimes.

So fuck you aversions.

How about that?

That's it for Doom Scroll the Week.

Brought to you by DoorDash.

All right, moving on.

Let's get right into our second annual

Scream Time Awards.

Brought to you by Oli Pop.

A reminder for any of the real ones

who didn't see the first annual Scream Time Awards

because I'm so bad at keeping up with pop culture

and because I have four children,

I pretty much only have time to watch

the Frozen franchise over and over and over again.

So these awards are for all the shit

I have actually seen this year.

Hmm, is Slim Pickens.

And I might have reached new high

s***s of being out of the loop in 2026

because I'm nearly positive,

like I said at the beginning,

I know I have not seen a single

best picture nominee this year,

but just for shits and giggles.

Queen, I was asking what do I know

about any of these 10 films?

I'm going to go right out of the gate here.

I know that F1 is starring Brad Pitt.

And the only reason I know that

is because when I go into Apple TV

on our TV to find my kids programming,

there's an advertisement for it right at the top.

I know one battle after another

because Regina Hall,

who was one of our guests on NGL,

she came on to discuss her role

in one battle after another.

What the f*** is HamNet?

HamNet? HamNet?

This is not a bit, guys.

I have no f***ing clue what these movies are.

So now that we covered that,

I'm sure you got a lot out of it.

Let's get to what I have seen multiple times

with the Screen Time Awards.

Thank you, Queen Emma.

These are our top secret envelopes.

And our first category this year

is movies that somehow haven't been ruined

by Wyatt turning the volume up to 80.

Yep.

Wyatt likes to drown me out

when I speak to her or I speak in the living room.

If Jason and I try to have a conversation on the couch,

Wyatt, if she has access to the room,

will actually turn the volume up so loud

that she can no longer hear us speaking.

Which in turn, we can no longer hear our self-speaking

and we have to promptly ask her to turn it down.

It's a fun game we're playing.

Anyway, the nominees are

Zootopia,

Tangled,

Frozen,

or AquaMarine.

And the winner is

AquaMarine.

Yes, it actually has some bops.

Let me tell you.

And so even if it is up at 80,

we can have a little dance party.

And also they love to talk about Raymond.

If you don't know about him,

he's the heartthrob in the movie.

And I'm pretty sure many things they're getting married.

It's fine.

Our next category is my best chance

at a tantrum-free ride to the shore.

Yeah, we got about an hour and a half in the car.

Sometimes longer.

And I bargain with the idea that

the car TV only turns on.

That's right when you're on long car rides.

So we're sticking with it.

I swear to God if anyone tells my kids

that the TV works at all on all car rides,

consider yourself done.

They've told classmates at school

that that's how that works,

which is incredible.

And the nominees are

The Little Mermaid,

Aqua Marine,

Wreck It Ralph,

or Tots.

Wonder who will win.

The award goes to

Wreck It Ralph.

I know.

It's a little surprising.

But for some reason,

everyone can get down with it right now.

And specifically for some reason when we're in the car.

I don't ask questions, guys.

If they agree on something,

if three of my children agree on the same thing,

you can bet your bound dollar I am not arguing.

Nope, I won't put that sucker on real quick.

And now the return of a category

that needs no further introduction.

Are you fucking kidding me, Jason?

They can't watch this.

Last year, the film RRR famously won.

That's right.

If you haven't seen RRR,

don't watch it when children are around.

But my husband's party trick was putting it on.

That's right when my children were around.

To be clear, great movie.

Stellar Cinematic

Expertise going on there.

Okay.

Anyway, you're nominees for 2026R,

Predator Badlands.

This one's fun because Jason actually

didn't know that why it was still awake.

She told him the next day

when she asked him about what he was watching.

And he said, what do you mean?

And she started describing Predator badlands.

And then he realized that she had come out

and sat on the step

and watched the TV from there.

When she was supposed to be asleep.

So that's fun.

And tombstone.

And the screen time award goes to

tombstone because he knowingly put it on

while they were in the room.

All right, the mother of all of them,

the last category recognizes

extraordinary achievements in doom scrolling.

AKA the Lifetime Achievement Award

for an internet video

that dominates my everyday thoughts.

And the nominees are

she came down in a bubble, Doug.

If you don't know this clip,

you're about to.

And I hope it lives in your head, rent-free.

Her sister was a witch, right?

And what was her sister?

A princess.

The witch, the witch of the East, girl.

I'm going to stab them.

You're going to look at me and you're going to tell me

that I'm wrong.

Am I wrong?

Life is wrong.

She won't cry when she came down in a bulking belt.

I'm not fighting with you.

Grow off, I'm not fighting with you.

Grow off.

Get educated.

I literally, that literally,

oh, I love it so much.

I love it so much.

And I'm going to tell you one of my proud mom moments.

Why I came home from school recently

and they did something at school related to

the Wizard of Oz.

And she said that she told them

she wore a crown and she came down in a bubble, Doug.

I, that, you know, every time,

every so often you get a glimmer of hope with your children.

And that was a strong one.

This is another clip that

I can't quite explain why it scratches an itch in my brain so hard.

But let's see the clip.

This is, I believe it's chip.

But we're going to find out when I see his nose.

Smacks the table because God is good all the time.

If you know, you know.

Uh-oh, okay.

Okay, he said scoot over.

Everything that he is saying, first of all,

the three individuals sitting at this table,

inviting him in.

Yes, let's see.

Scripture says right it down.

Yes, can you see I'm watching a couple of times.

When everyone hits the table at the same time,

outstanding timing.

Hallelujah.

Wait for him to.

Amen.

All the time.

Nailed it.

Oh my God.

The head nod and everybody says it at the same time.

And everyone is in sync.

And for some reason, the joy that they are having

just creeps out of my phone into my soul.

And I love it.

And I can't explain why.

This next clip is a clip we've quoted on the show

because well done.

Mac and cheese.

Oh, mac and cheese.

Okay.

There is a mac and cheese taste test going on.

Yeah.

Yep.

That might be white cheddar.

Behind.

I love this so much.

It's it's okay.

I'm going to play the 7 out of 10.

The fact that she says.

Yuck.

With extra syllables.

And then says it's okay.

Perfection.

Absolute perfection.

And your 2026 lifetime achievement award winner is.

You already knew what was about to happen.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

She wore a crown and she came down in a bubble dug.

I can't help myself.

It's been a long standing favorite of mine.

There's t-shirts on Etsy if you want to get one

with the entire dialogue.

Panned out.

So yeah.

And you guys might have guessed this,

but just like last time,

the cards are blank.

Woo!

Look, I'm prepared to be shook.

They're all blank.

That's it for the second annual screen time awards

brought to you by Oli Pop.

I'll be right back.

As a parent,

Dordash has always been there for me

when I needed them most.

We all know life gets crazy.

Dordash just helps bring a little order to it.

This past week,

when Ellie is birthday popped up,

I did need to find a way to get balloons.

I definitely Dordash that.

Because it was the fastest way that it was going to get there.

And I needed to ensure that the morning she woke up,

it was birthday start to finish.

Dordash came in clutch with that one.

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Real life needs real relief.

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whenever you need it.

We all know life gets crazy.

Dordash just helps bring a little order to it.

It's March, so that means I don't have just one child's birthday,

but two in my dads.

And another one the last week of February

if we're getting technical.

So that means a whole lot of extra planning.

On top of the day-to-day chaos of a house with four children,

a husband and a large dog.

So when I need a moment for myself,

you can bet your bottom dollar.

I'm cracking open a nice cold olipop in the kitchen

and standing in silence.

I can hear the crisp hiss of it opening.

I love a nice unexpected treat

and that applies to the olipop and the silence.

What are my favorite flavors of olipop?

I'm so glad you asked, Queen Emma.

My favorite one is always going to be Cream Soda.

A close second is the root beer.

And I do like the Shirley Temple

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Before I introduce today's guests,

the real ones know we like to have fun on here,

but I've always tried to make sure

that with this podcast,

we talk about things that are meaningful.

One way I like to do that is by creating a safe space,

particularly for women,

even more particularly for women in sports.

So I'm very honored that our guest today, Meredith Kadrow,

wanted to share her story with me.

I think that it is so important to not only talk about grief,

but to have an opportunity to have Meredith talk

about the love of her life and their life together.

And hopefully that helps other people processing.

I know that that is one of the reasons

that Meredith speaks up about her grief now.

This is Meredith opening up

about the unimaginable tragedy she and her family faced

in losing her husband, Johnny,

and her brother-in-law Matthew in August of 2024.

And she's now continuing his legacy,

most recently with their children alongside

our gold medal winning men's hockey team at the Olympics.

Meredith, thank you so much for joining,

not gonna lie today.

For anyone who doesn't know,

we actually have a lot in common.

You're a fellow, Philly, and Jersey Shore girl.

You're a mom of three tiny humans.

And you've been in the professional hockey world

while I've been over on the football side.

Yes.

I'm so glad we're getting the chance to meet.

So thank you so much for coming to chat.

Thank you.

This is very exciting.

I actually do want to share it.

You guys were just at the Olympics.

Yeah.

Were you there?

We were.

Okay, because I saw,

I feel like we're a little champs passing in the night,

a little bit.

Yeah.

We should stop doing that.

I know.

Okay.

How was your time in Milan?

Did you guys enjoy it?

It was great.

Yeah, we were there for literally four days.

So the kids stayed on East Coast time,

which was really fun.

But wasn't that crazy?

We tried to do the same thing.

I left Thursday, right Friday,

and then went to the game that night.

I saw you guys on the big screen.

My husband?

Yes.

Because he was wearing the same hat

that like my daughter brought home.

Like that, of course he was.

Of course he was.

It was a flower that's indigenous to the mountains.

Okay, that makes sense.

Yes.

Because she was wearing it the other day and I was like,

it was a children's hat.

I can confirm it was intended.

I believe for children.

Yeah.

But in Paris, he had his beret

that he put all of his pins on.

And so he needed a hat to put his pins on

and someone very graciously gave him that one on gel.

Shout out to Angel,

got him that hat on our production team in Milan.

So we went to the game that night.

Next day, had the day off.

We went up to Belagio.

Yes.

Above Como.

Sunday woke up.

It was Johnny's birthday.

Went to the gold medal game

and then woke up Monday and left.

So that was Johnny's birthday

when they won the gold medal.

His second birthday.

Yeah.

That's so cool.

Yeah, it's very special.

What a great birthday celebration.

Yeah, I know.

I felt like everything felt a perfect place.

Yeah.

Gosh, that was great.

And staying on East Coast time.

So what time were they going to bed?

Like 1 a.m.

Two.

Yep.

Look.

Johnny tried.

We tried that.

I tried to put him to bed.

And then I was like,

he was just tossing and training for three hours.

He was like, all right, we'll just go back downstairs.

Yes.

Run around.

So he awake.

He was fine when we got home.

There was no.

Is that not the most needed?

It's the so like parenting in a different zip code.

I always say when you go on trips,

it's just parenting in a different zip code.

I know.

People were like, this is amazing.

You got to go here.

You got to try this.

I was like, I am not on vacation.

I'm just, I hope the room service can speak for Italy

because that's, that's it.

And it was great.

Delicious.

Sure no matter where you eat in Italy.

Yeah.

The pasta and the bread are going to be outstanding.

And a million other things.

We already talked about this,

but don't come after me for saying only pasta and bread.

I'm a carb girl.

Me too.

So they nailed our hotel nailed it too.

It was so good.

I had a focaccia.

I ate one every single.

Queenum is nodding her head

because I made her eat it too.

I ate one every single day.

We were there.

I ordered pizza, like room service pizza as you show,

like a side pasta.

I was like, which one should I try?

They were like, this is a hotel.

They were like, we're actually not known for this.

Now we're actually recording this today

in our Philly studio because one, we love Philly.

That's right.

And two, you're in town visiting family.

Yep.

You are a Delco girlie.

Is that right?

Well, I grew up in Malvern, kind of Chester County,

but oh, okay.

My parents grew up in Delco, so that counts.

I technically grew up most of my life in Montgomery County.

So, but we moved back to Delco the second we had a chance.

So, I like to claim Delco, although people love

to get me on technicalities all the time.

Yeah, my dad does that so hard.

He'll be like, I won't say, I'm a Delco boy.

He's like, you kind of live in Malvern,

but you left them here.

It is better than the people who live in South Jersey

and say they're from Philly.

That's right.

So we can live with that.

We can live with ourselves there.

Is it safe to assume go birds?

Absolutely.

Yes.

I knew this was the answer.

Of course.

I knew it in my heart.

Were you a flyers fan as well?

Yeah, just Philly's fan.

I'd see anything.

Yes.

Now, what teams did you follow the most closely in your house?

Because we were in Eagles Philly's house.

Okay.

My dad was definitely Philly's flyers.

Okay.

But every Philly, any Philly sport team,

but probably the Philly's.

Okay.

Now, you go to Abwon.

Yep.

Do you ever feel, for those of you who don't know,

the Jersey Shore, the Jersey Shore that we go to,

collectively, is not the Jersey Shore,

and I've mentioned this on the show a couple of times,

is not the Jersey Shore that you might catch J-WOW at.

It's not what you're thinking.

It's not.

It's some good, clean family fun,

very little gym tan and laundry.

It's different.

But do you ever feel inclined

to just be less cool by a mile

and to come one stop north of where you are

because you go to Abwon.

Yeah.

We are a Seattle family through and through.

Just pass right by it.

It's literally one stop ahead of Abwon.

So we have a shorter commute.

I know.

Sometimes I'm like, wow, I would be here by now.

You get it.

I'd love to talk some more about Abwon

because I hear that's where you and Johnny met.

Yeah, we did.

And from the article that you wrote,

you guys met at the Princeton?

Well, we were actually next door neighbors.

So like, you know, down the shore,

your houses are on top of each other.

Yes.

Like you can't be outside hanging out on top.

You're down the shore with your neighbors.

Yes.

You can't be outside at the same time,

not knowing exactly what they're talking about

or everything about them.

So that's how we met.

And then we went out that night to the Princeton.

And we're like, oh, here we are again.

The only place to be.

How much hockey knowledge did you have when you met

your husband?

Just, no, not like, I didn't know the rules.

I didn't know off sides.

You know, I would thank you so much for bringing this up.

No.

Because I just had to be coached up at the Olympics.

Yeah.

Watching the women's game for icing.

That's a hard one.

Thank you so much for saying that.

I did not know that either.

That means a lot.

Because I was like, I don't understand.

And like, why are they sprinting for it?

Yes.

And then they just, I just never got that.

And then they knew the whistle.

Thank you so much.

I guess they can't cross a couple of the lines.

Yeah.

With no one touching it.

It's shaky and icing.

I don't know why you're now.

We'll figure it out.

You can teach me off sides.

And we'll get Jason to teach us icing.

This is great.

We'll figure it out.

He was a hockey player in like through high school.

He loves ice hockey.

He loves to get in to like a little bit of mens league or something.

Well, he's creaky.

Well, that's what I call it.

He's creaky.

He gets up out of bed and he's like, less natural.

I feel it.

So I kind of don't know.

I know, right?

We're all creaky.

Now, when you met your husband, what drew you to him?

I notice his style.

He just kind of stood out for some reason.

And I was like, I don't know why, he's so cute in his little fit of jeans.

but uh that's it out and um you'd like

pinks. I just thought he his look just overall appearance just stood out to me.

Do you still remember meeting like you you can picture meeting him for the first time?

Yeah, it wasn't anything crazy. He just came over for my sister's birthday pre-game.

His friends were already over so I opened like the back sliding door because our houses were

on the bay so you know it's go around the back. Yep and um I was like I just opened the

door and said your friends are upstairs because you know the houses are upside down and he was just

like I remember he said hi I'm Johnny and I was like hi your friends are upstairs

and then hi bye that was really it and then um

because I really wasn't partaking in this pre-game um and then when my sister gave me a hard time

and I got changed and I came out and I was like same girl it that was me like they're like

who's this one yeah and I just took off my gross day clothes sorry like I didn't like that different

but I guess I do from I'm going to the prince and guys I'm dressed up I'm not going to the OD I'm

going to the prince scenes we're going to the prince since May 8th gotta go gotta know before I go

get changed yeah um that was really it and then um the day after you know I was like are you still

down the shore like you know you know when somebody's home down the shore yeah and then um

we went out on the jet skis and then I was working night shift at chop um so I would

do the commute because I wanted to see him and then he I came to learn later like he was staying

down the shore because I was coming back but he was staying overnight down the shore alone which

I didn't realize till later was like very unlike him yeah because he never liked to be alone and

it was the weekday now his siblings and his parents were back working but he was staying down the

shore and I was like oh it's because I'm coming back it feels very like summer love story um and

the gift of the shore keeps on giving because you also got engaged at the Jersey Shore yeah in

Avalon I'm guessing you know I want to do that and see how weird we're real close we're right on

the inlet on the jetty yes I could see CIO perfect I think it might be in the background of our

beautiful photos yeah um on his scale I wanted to tell him how surprised were you I was shocked

were you shocked yeah because it was just the next summer no was it anything no two summers later

I literally do this too no whenever anyone's like a timeline and I'm like kiss my ass

I was like wow at all I think I can pull dates out like that because we met at the end of the

summer mm-hmm that first summer then the next summer we had together right and then the next summer

got engaged and I was like whoa like people were shocked that like oh Johnny Goodrow has a

girlfriend Johnny Goodrow is getting engaged and I was like no one was more shocked than me like

I swear because he had to go away for the bubble it was like the covid

they were finishing up their season after the big pause so he was away for like

six weeks um July into August and then came home proposed like the next night so I was like

that was not on my radar like I was also had just worked and it was another one of the I was like

post shift mm-hmm so pretty much anything could happen to me that day I'm not going to notice I was

so tired but it was perfect it was really nice that's amazing um who took the photos because you

actually have photo evidence that this hadn't are sisters my sister Lily and his sister Katie

they were they they tell a really funny story because they were getting eaten alive by the flies

sure so they were hiding the dunes for a while wearing their hats and it was funny because when

they came running after he proposed and took a lot more photos I was like oh wow you got a

photographer like I was just so can you know caught off guard and I was like oh my god it's Lily and

Katie like so oh we know them I was like okay so I was like wow this is so thought out right

it was just really cool because the jetty was one of those spots that I showed him

what I was like oh my favorite part my favorite spot in apple honest this jetty and he was like why

I think it's just cool you could see Seattle from here that's it thank you so much for that

yeah I like to look at Seattle from here no so he had this all planned out I guess oh yeah

and how far in advance did he have it planned out because if he did it that quickly after

getting back I know I did he get the ring yeah he was texting with his mom to like do a lot of

that like work for him and he showed me afterwards he's going back and forth with her face timing

because the same he was in Edmonton yes and then came home and literally proposed the next night

because I was like what like oh when did this happen so it was really cool now you guys officially

became you officially became a hockey wife obviously but you started going to Johnny's games even

before that up in Calgary is that right yeah what was that like the first time you went to a game

that was crazy when I flew out to Calgary from Philly his face was on like a billboard in the airport

and I was like wow this is crazy because you're like okay stalker I was like following me I was like

saying yeah face um because Calgary being a Canadian market it's such a big deal up there it's

still you know it's a big deal here but it's not everywhere you're hockey exactly so I just was

I thought that was the coolest thing just having a city care so much about like once born you know

I felt like I was in another world like I'd never really been out of the country and now I just flew

to Canada and I think I got off the plane like got an uber to his apartment because he was already

out of game and I met him there and I was just like whoa this is crazy because I actually

you know when you're one of the wives or the girlfriends you can use the player's entrance yes he

doesn't tell me any of this so I'm like okay I'm going to a game by myself this is so weird ticket for one

um I went in through like the main entrance because of course what else what other entrance were

you supposed to use and then I sat in my seat and I like definitely saw the other wives and I was like

they're probably like there's one girl here by herself and I didn't go down to the room

in between interventions he didn't tell me any of this no and I'm not going to be oh

Johnny Goodrow here for him let me in the room so I just was sat in my seat the whole game

I think I got french fries on the concourse yep and then afterwards he was like where are you

and I was like I'm in my seat still I don't know where to go like when am I going to walk out

the front door wait for you on a curb so it's like you can come down like you've been on the list

was like oh you didn't tell me that so what list I'm yeah I'm like I didn't know there's a list

so I just sat there and I think I called one of my friends because I was like I'm nervous yeah

but it was so funny because looking back I'm like whoa so when I see like new

girlfriends on the team you know I'm like you know come over here yes

all the boys are the same they might not share these details a thousand they all are the same

yeah yes across sports yeah they're all the same they're all so welcoming to me it was just more like

John was so quiet I don't think he told anyone like hey Meredith is coming look out for her

help her out no it's a secret yeah it kind of what so I was like Supra I'm just gonna go get

some french fries up there and yes sit in my seat until this game's over until somebody tells me

where I'm supposed to be and you know after the game the guys take forever to do whatever they're

doing close their hair I always used to say Jason's curling every individual beard hair yeah he'll

be out when he's out he was always the last one or second the last while yeah yeah because I would

be in that room after now it's comfortable in the room because I was like is you were on the list

yeah I was on the list I knew where the man was that would read the list uh-huh but um yeah last

one out of that room yeah so I remember like you know when the door opens and like that's not

John so yes you guys have a great night well got here for a couple more hours some treatment I don't

know a couple beers in the sauna mostly honestly even a big treatment type of guy mmm I swear

I'm like what were you doing in there beers in the summer it's sushi I was like oh how was it cool

mine was just right here and then you went from NHL wife to NHL mom yeah when you had your

daughter Noah yes that was like a new city too so we I felt like I was like a chicken with my

head caught off for a while because it was new mom new city all at once and doing those two things

at once now that's when you guys landed in Columbus right yes okay so I was 38 weeks pregnant when

we moved there so it's like I met my auntie the next day I'll just come back tomorrow I have this

baby um but you know the city took us in it was such an easy transition for as easy as it could be

until I just had to be like okay now I need to figure out this new mom life yes um doing that

and moving to a new city at once is crazy now in your essay for the players Tribune you wrote a lot

about your kids and how excited John was about being a dad how special was it for you to have

your kids watching their dad plant yeah um this is really cool I mean they're so young so

Noah loves looking back at those pictures and watching warm-ups you know it's very special when

your dad skates over and you can kind of blow kiss and wave and do those things and um

um there's a while or two in her crib she was laying there and chaining CBJ just herself one night

reason right she's just got sure she understands the lifestyle so that was cool she um would always

have her eat pregame meal with him um I have a lot of cute pictures of them doing that together

because that was just like a pasta carb carb load type of day and um you know if it was actually

just yesterday it was like 10 45 in the morning and she was like can I have some pasta and I just

like I had such a flashback to like you always used to eat pasta at this time with daddy so yeah

you're still still doing it let's still do it so yeah it was it was cool she you know I don't

I wonder what she kind of holds in and remembers now because she said things like oh daddy's not

here I mean no but that's okay and she'll still have fun though so that's all that matters to me

I do think it's interesting we've found with our first she's like an elephant she remembers

everything yeah and she has said things like years after about like something she experienced and

she'd be like oh that's that place we went when this happened and so it's funny I think

to experience what kids have stored as like that core memory yeah things that they've

kept with them then I'm sure that she has right that she hasn't felt the need to tell you about

yet I think a lot of those two might be our time spent together down the shore because our

most recent time together as a family was our time in Avalon yeah it was just the other day she

said something like um she wanted to go to the beach she was like oh look it's sunny and this is

your favorite I was like yeah I love the summer I love the beach and then she was like yeah we

can get ice cream because ice cream truck something she remembered I was like yeah well ice cream

went some more time yeah we're so close yeah exactly no what do you think John's best skill

as a dad was he was um there was a lot of them but he was he would like go in just be like I'm

just gonna make sure she's still breathing I was like okay and like he would he was very um

like worried or like really gentle but like you know once you kind of get comfortable and once

we had our second baby like he was just like I got this yeah so um I just remember he would

always go in and I can look back on our nannet like the saved footage and stuff and he's just like

looks he's like okay so like I just remember him always doing moving yeah yes you're moving yeah

he um he was really good at like just you know just always checking on things he was he actually

was the best at putting our second Johnny to sleep he you know when like it hits bedtime and you're

like I just got like flushed with anxiety like what is bedtime gonna bring on tonight yes

he was just like our fussy baby and I remember one time John was like up on bed like I like doing it

and I was like oh please cuz I get totally stressed out when it's time for Johnny's bedtime

cuz yeah he was just so hard to put the bed some nights and I just remember John was like can I

do it like I want to do it I like to do it so I was like oh that's really cool yeah please take it

yeah go ahead please take this opportunity yeah I just he really attached every night is is there's

always a ringer yeah and it's a surprise so that makes sense that you'd be like hey yeah you can

absolutely never good at the transfer sure and John told me this is a great tip um you know

they fall asleep in your arms and you're like all right here it goes we're gonna put them down

but he said you have to wait till their mouth opens and they're kind of like catch and fly is

sleeping sure and really yeah yeah I was like oh so he would be like and you know what they're like

yep that's when that's a little tip and every time I see the kids doing that I think a John

that's so amazing if you're a real one you already know it's been a year now and I guess

I fully embrace many van life really has been a year but that unlikely development is all thanks

to our toyota sienna from school drop-offs to road trips to the shore we take our sienna everywhere

and the best part has been being able to literally fit our entire six-person family in this car

and of course the ridiculous things that happen in the backseat with four tiny humans I mean the

amount of snacks that have been smushed into the floor is unmatched that takes me to my next point

I literally can't lie I love the sienna's features because when they smash those snacks into the floor

my built-in vacuum will suck it all up Toyota designs vehicles that help create the best

experience for the whole family while making the trip easier and more enjoyable so if you're

looking not only for a great car to get you from point A to point B with enough space that you can

fit everyone I highly recommend the toyota sienna and going for a test drive at your local toyota

dealership you can learn more at toyota.com backslash sienna and remember it's not the places we go

but the people we go with that matter with two of my girls birthdays sports schedules and school

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now one one of the many moving moments from your letter to john in the players tribune was you

sharing how you told him you were pregnant with your third baby Carter take me through that how far

long were you i think i was only in my seventh week so his sister Katie's bachelor at weekend was

early august and then so now fast forward this was august 23rd or fourth beretta rehearsal

dinner and john was the best man for his best friend at the sweating and of course family friend

so um john siblings were also at this rehearsal dinner so Katie was um you know don't be

pregnant at my wedding like i was like no i trust me i don't want to be like that's not fun

and then um her bachelor at happened and um i came home and for some reason

maddie at the rehearsal dinner was sitting across from me and i was like fake drinking beer

and he kept looking at me and i was like i was like nothing going on here i like i have a five-month

old i'm not pregnant maddie but he kept being like and i was like you have this one i think this one

skunked and he was like what and i was like what do you want me for maddie and then i was like

baby johnny is five months old like don't worry and then um

Katie was like yeah no i know she's not like she told me she got her period like right after

the bachelor at and i was like yeah i did and then you know quiet john is sitting there

and then we were walking to our car and he was like you just lied to Katie what are you talking about

he's like you didn't have your period last week and i was like i know and he was like i was

supposed to he was like what are you talking about he's like what do you mean and i was like

he's like why did you say that and i was like i did not have my period last week no

he's like i know you didn't like hello and i was like yeah i know i'm pregnant he was like what

and it was just so funny because he was it was just such a shock to both of us

and then i wanted to tell him in a way cooler way than that but i was like

but maddie was on you i don't know your siblings were all over me and then

he i just can't imagine he was sitting there being like

she is lying and i don't know why wouldn't it have been hilarious had he been like no you did

when i was really surprised everyone it was like so that was so funny because we um

we were just driving home back down the shore from the this rehearsal dinner and he was like

are you nuts and i was like yeah this was all my fault like it takes two to time

literally just like i don't i don't know and he was like three kids like this is insane he's like

i'm excited i'm really nervous though so i have all these text messages i took screenshots to

say for Carter because the next day he was having he was skating and he was like i can't focus on

this skate i can't believe we're having a third baby he's like and just like i think i had like

20 extreme of consciousness 20 text messages from him being like i'm so excited i'm so nervous

like i can't believe this you're crazy i was like yeah this is crazy so it's so special it's so

special to save things like that i know i'm really kind of obsessed with saving stuff like that now

because john even sent me like a selfie of himself like in that moment so i thought that was

cool to say for Carter but his face is just kind of like so it's cute because

this card looks exactly like him too so it'll be special to show him one day and then screenshots

yeah now as painful and unimaginable as it all is do you take some comfort knowing that you

did get to tell him yeah oh god you're gonna have me now yeah because um

yeah he you know because some people did say like oh did john know it's like yeah of course

you know it just only was like about a week long but

yeah he um i also knew he always liked the name Carter so

i was unsure we didn't obviously know the gender we never found out the gender of our kids

but um we had a list of names we liked and um obviously john east name was

after him and his grandfather but um i knew he liked Carter so i'm excited to tell Carter one day

like he really loved your name because john he's named yes johnny's name was just had to be johnny

i don't know maybe he doesn't like that name i just want to be like his name Carter

so that is special to yeah and he really didn't want johnny to be john michael which is john's name

my husband's name he just didn't want it to be john michael so we got to do Carter michael

so michael is john's middle name too that's so special yeah i thought it um it all kind of fit

because i remember one time he was also telling it was actually madty and madeline

he was like we're you know just give dishing out names he's like how about Carter and i was like

that's one of our names i don't use that name again i know i just like it i was like

don't tell people in the names you like when you're not even pregnant because we weren't

pregnant at the time he's like how about Carter it's like yeah stop giving our names away so then um

you know i was so stressed over what to name the baby because we never got to talk about it

but i was like i know he likes to name Carter that's such a beautiful tribute to make sure that

he was involved yeah we it was really funny one of those apps it's kind of like a tinder app

we did this yeah you swipe on the names and you have a match and you see what matches got

Carter on the match perfect yeah so funny some yeah Carter michael now if you're comfortable sharing

i think everyone who supports and loves you and your family would appreciate hearing your

perspective on what happened the day before your sister in law Katie's wedding can you take me

through that day yeah it was um we were staying with his parents that week to kind of help Katie

i was one of her mates of honor so we were you know the night before doing all the favors um which i

thought was cute because john really him and i were like doing a lot of that stuff um getting the

favors ready for the next day he woke up and um you know packed up our car we were doing

the boys went to go golf and the girls were um just having lunch but i was bringing the kids home

to my parents house because um their babies you know it's crazy so Noah was uh

not too yet and Johnny was six months old so you know when you're a parent and in the wedding you

don't really have to partake in all the things but uh i was glad he golfed that day with his brother

and his dad and um then they were just having like you know a little barbecue out by the pool

that night and um i was at my parents house and um it's got a call like come over you know

and i i didn't know at all what happened um when i got there though there was a lot of

cop cars out front and it was starting to rain i was like you know what you said like a bad gut feeling

i thought i heard they told me over the phone you know like we don't know what happened but i think

something happened to Maddie so my whole driveover i just thought like oh my god like

i don't know how i'm gonna help John get through something that happened to his brother and i

didn't know anything happened um but um i remember it like it was yesterday kind of keeps

something it's just i can't stop playing it in my head but

it just doesn't feel real still um some people said it's like a defense mechanism but

i just you know i was making all these phone calls because John didn't have his phone on him um

he left his phone at his parents house so it's like i have no clue what's going on um

and just hit me like a ton of bricks i just i remember being like i this is

can't be real who actually delivered the news to you um

john's uncle but he didn't even had to say it i just it was just like a look yep and i just was like

what just so weird just everything

happened so fast i guess i don't know just i remember i was asking john like hey what bag is no

a sleep second you know i was kind of it now johnny's brother maddie's wife Madeline was also pregnant

how did you two support each other through this horrible loss yeah it was just

you know she's the closest person i have to relate to so um

trauma bonded forever now through that but you know just

anything her or trip ever needs you know

anything in the world they need i'll be there for them forever and she's been amazing for me

my kids just has that like without um no explanation needed just whatever you need

no was that their first yeah she was pregnant with

yeah so she was um four or five months in she they had the baby right

she had she had tripped right after Christmas okay so yeah crazy now um how have you and

john's family leaned on each other yeah you're just you know you're trying to be respectful of

everyone's perspective you know i've something i have learned it's just all about perspective you know i

don't i try so hard to um you know my kids are very helpful for my in-laws um so we make sure we

spend a lot of time together um you know it's nice for me sometimes when i'm around my mother

and father-in-law you know like these are john's parents like you know that it feels good it's just

sometimes so heavy and hard too but you know we just they'll still come out to Columbus a few times

and visit us and anytime i'm here um you know make a point to see each other spend a lot of time

together in the summers so um none of that has changed it's just you know i kind of sometimes i

just look at my father-in-law and like he has a lot of the same mannerisms and stuff is john so i'm

like i'm sure i have to be strong to see sometimes yeah it's hard but you know i can't imagine how

they feel when they're around me they've been incredibly supportive of me it's anything i need i

can just call them and ask and um my mother-in-law reminds me of that you know all the time just

anything my father-in-law is really great with the kids he's excited for this summer to get

you know them on the ice i don't know if they're gonna like it but we'll try so we just do a lot of

little things to you know just get through the next thing um it's just all about the kids and they

know that and they do a really good job of uh seven you know making sure the kids are having fun the

kids are happy and they are and everyone who has followed your story will remember you publicly

shared your news about being pregnant at the funeral yeah um how important was that to you

yeah i wanted to just um you know bring light to

you know everything John had accomplished and you know being a father's you know what more like

you could be a hockey star all you want he doesn't care about any of that when you compare it to

being a dad you know it's um and i just wanted to you know i was very proud of John for

being a father of three um it was really good dad and um you know it's just everything i have now

which is you know i owed all to John all the good in my life is uh because of him and

very grateful to have three kids

also what a beautiful time to share such a light yeah that you were expecting in such like a

a dark day where you're trying to like find the the beauty in that person's life yeah i just wanted to

you know very hyper focused on making sure my kids are they know how important and special their

dad is and um you know make sure that they're not messed up by this in the long run and um

you know making sure that they always feel close to their father and um

try to just have everything kind of be surrounded by him and them you know

when they're old enough to realize what what really happened um

um you know i just want them to know they were always the center of anything i've ever done

and the Columbus Blue Jackets uh Johnny's NHL team honored him in their home opener a little while

after with a banner and by starting the game with an empty left wing spot yeah you were in attendance

with your children um it's so incredible for moments like that that i can only imagine were

difficult to give not only yourself those moments but also his former teammates oh god

and also to have your kids get to see whether they remembered or not to be present for that moment

of honoring his life yeah um what do you remember from that night yeah i didn't know they were doing

the empty left wings but um i thought that was very powerful um

sorry i'm sorry i just uh i want you know everything i do

tribute wise or anything i want to make sure you know it's it's for my kids that really

would drive us me to do all these things and that moment of course it honors john but it's

it's a memory for our kids to have um

Sean Sean is John's best friend and um he that was his first season they were teammates

and Calgary together for years and he came to Columbus i was really excited to you know reunite

with john as teammates um and he was the one out there with me and then um

it i just when i see that moment i just think it was

probably very hard for him to do that but um

yeah it was just

very powerful moment and um

hit john's impact and all the tributes people have done for him it's

blows me away that you know the respect he had in the hockey world um what really is like you

you keep bringing it back to the kids yeah and saying that like all of these things you feel are

important because of the kids you just went to Milan to watch the team the US men's hockey team

play for gold yeah um to do that with your kids to watch the tributes with your kids um to bring

them along in all these spaces where they either are getting to see how loved your husband is

um it's so special that they get to be there for that and for them to have those moments of

affirmation that it's not just that mom was in love with dad and that's why she thinks he was so

great it's that he truly was this incredible person who reached yeah so far exactly um

um exactly i just you know it was telling Noah especially we went out to Milan

um i was like you know these are all daddy's friends and i think if he was here he would

probably be on this team um we saw we were watching one of the games on tv just days before

i knew i was even going so i said to her i was like you know she recognizes some of the guys

and i said you know i think if daddy would be on that team and um those are all his friends

and then when it was time to go to Italy i said to her i was like we're gonna go um

we're gonna go watch that team play and um you know we're doing this is something special we're

doing for daddy and i said you know they're doing this because they love and miss daddy too um

and i think she kind of can connect the dots there and she sees like his jersey and she knows that's his

um she's only three so i tried to you know give her a little bit of credit but she can read number

13 and um you know she knows that's i was like that's for him and these are all his friends and they

love and miss him too and this is something special we're doing for him and um she's starting to

see him like very proud of that stuff she should be yeah now um i'm sure everyone has seen this but

if you haven't the players of us men's hockey actually skated john's us a jersey around the ice

they also brought your two oldest kids out for the team picture yeah i felt so that it

cardored didn't have a passport so poor kid i'm gonna grow up and be like this too

no that's i know that's honestly photoshopping in or something yeah there's technology we can get

them that picture yeah you were there don't you see yourself right back there um i now what was it

like seeing the guys immediately go and run to get john's jersey yeah that was incredible i um

you know it's times going on now i've sold them on her john the season after his ex the accident and

then you know i was kind of in the back of my mind like okay it's been two seasons now but i was

like oh my god they still have his jersey and it like just meant the world to me um when i saw it

on the in the locker room just in the background um of a little interview or something um and then

once they won and they had his jersey out you know it it those seeing that is so surreal where i'm like

this is crazy um and then all of a sudden my sister lily had my phone and she was like your phone

keeps ringing and i was watching all the guys on the ice and i like see Matthew kachuk on a cell phone

and then lily's like you're just casually on the ice and i'm like oh boy like so he um called me

he's like i want to get a picture with the kids and i was just like oh my god that's so cool um

um i was very proud of john um you know very proud of the guys for

making a special moment for my kids and you know have honoring john the way they did you know they

just won the gold medal they don't need to be thinking about that right now but that's such a

testament to what type of person and teammate your husband was to think of someone like

personally who played team sports to know the teammates that have stuck with you like teammates that

will always be like oh can you think of your best teammate those are the teammates who are always

at like the forefront front of your brain yeah when you're thinking about sports and so for them to

take the time to be like oh this is a priority of ours we just won the gold but you know who

is here with us right to be able to do that again is such a testament to the person your husband

is and was yeah so i was just so proud of john for that and proud of those guys for

displaying such classy character um really good role models for my kids and

um just such great friends you know some of those guys were john's teammates from day one

so it just was like it felt so good and it was heavy you know

i cried every day so i was crying there but um you know i can kind of power through a hockey game

and i was very proud to support those guys there like i'm you know being at those games are

incredibly hard i'm looking at john's jersey just draped over the bench and um

but i should remind myself you know i'm here because i'm here to honor john and i hear i'm

here because i want to support these guys that have done so much to support us and um

i'm here to show the kids you know how special their father is and um you know i've just

out of our situation i have to make the most of it and uh that's that's going to be a hard one to be

now what did Noah and johnny say about it afterwards were they excited that they got to go out

on the ice i was so proud of them especially because Noah used to hate going out yes i did

i did have a mom moment watching it of like is anyone gonna cry because i couldn't believe it

the even like even johnny is how old that was the second birthday yeah that's right yeah okay so

two years old my two my recent three year old if anyone were to ever take her away from me even

if it was like in a moment of like excitement she would have lost her damn mind so i was watching

and i was like i know wow guys even just like the bright lights yes obviously the ring crowd yes

they nailed it they did a great job i was like okay let's just go for it boop um i have videos of

Noah like whaling on the ice of course you know and um i think they're gonna go really slow so

i think she just knew i was like hey they want to take a picture with you um she knows Zach

well so i think because he's gonna come hold you yes and you know she just went right out there

johnny i was very nervous for he is you know he's the one where he's not gonna go with the flow

like sure and he mourned you with the not good sleeping situation he mourned you that he was

and it's so funny because when we look at his smile and he's like but uh it's like i'm not sure

he wasn't freaking out so he wasn't great and i really my mom bring clicked it on that one

i was like is anyone gonna okay and everyone just went with it he did great and outstanding

i hope that's not his last time on on some Olympic ice

so let's like get used to this so enjoy this feeling yeah yeah do it yourself right we'll be

back here um and Carter loved it too right he was watching from home he did no he had no

he loved it he loved the photoshop and many of the judges he did great he just can't see me so

smile back there he's so little he's just a little baby and he's in that picture you can't see him

because all the big high guys yeah nobody yeah yeah Carter and bless uh no that's that's it's not

a poor guy situation that's a very normal it could think about it as difficult as it was to do the

hours part of the little man and he's so we'll photoshop a man he is like he's just like no one

that can he can already keep up with the bigger kids yes my big kids are two and three but yes

he's like i'm in it now he's like getting there i'm like oh my god you're gonna be that one

now um everyone has said john would have been there on the ice how important were the Olympics to

john yeah um that was the big goal you know he you know two years ago it was circled on his

calendar it's like he started working hard to get to that that moment um i remember it was our

honeymoon and we he had like step away and take like a big phone call for the potential

opportunity for the Olympics which would have been 2022 it obviously was canceled um so he kept

missing the opportunity so i knew how big this one meant for him um so just wanted to all came

together i was like you know this is to me it was like okay you made it like you know he

they made like a big deal of everyone getting the phone call and i was watching all those videos

just thinking like wow like i wonder if john would have gotten the call and then um as it all came

to be i was like of course he would have like look at this so um very proud of him because

you did it he did um and you and your sister-in-law Madeline have also started the johnny and

Matthew Goodrow foundation yeah can you tell me a little bit more about that yeah we started a

foundation um in their honor to just give back to um youth hockey players and other families

that are faced with tragedy um john and maddie were very involved in the youth hockey world um

maddie was coaching and john would do things with him and it was never lost on them like how expensive

it is to have hockey as your hobby as you know even for um you have to play obviously when you're

so young and it's like a whole family commitment um traveling to the games and the tournaments and

the equipment's expensive so our foundation you know aims to give back to you tacky and um

we've already started giving back some grants so it just feels good we've had so much support and

we haven't even had a fundraiser of our own um and just to be at a point where we're already

able to write some grants and give back has been um you know special it's it's um it feels good

and what's next for you um carters first birthday is in a few weeks so

you know wire birthday so emotional for your kids i i just some like canceling April first

like i don't want him to turn one it's just so weird um if you don't mind if you could cancel

March 30th while you're at it because that's our youngest first birthday first birthday it's

lame joint birthday pretty lame a joint birthday avoidance party sure cancel cancel so i just

i know i just want to like really slow down and enjoy every single moment with my kids um

you know i feel like every day i'm just reminded like you know goes fast and just to

so good up when i'm like oh my god get me to seven o'clock i'm like no this is

let's enjoy this i have a clock witching hour i just want to really slow down and enjoy

my babies while they're babies because she's three and i'm like no your baby do you know that's

that i've talked about on the show that kindergarten got me not because she was going to kindergarten

but because my brain said that it was her starting school yes for the rest of her life until she leaves me

which is a super logical and rational i know i might i lost my mind i'm like can't do this no

yeah she should just stay a little forever i found myself like around my house doing a lot of

crazy things to like not let go of the baby stuff like i had johnny he's like my big one

i had him in like the baby insert in the tub for like way too long he was like

like looked like buddy the elf in the tub it's so funny but then for Carter i was changing him

still in like a little basket he's like hanging out of it i was like no no no no you fit yeah he's

like can almost walk i'm like getting your basket just like weird things i'm doing like whoa i got

i got to start accepting that they're growing up but though i tell my six-year-old still i'm like

you're always my baby and she's like i'm not a baby i'm big and i'm like you want a baby

that's how Noah is yeah i'm a big one you always be my baby you're not yeah funny thing you're

actually not you're not tiny baby yeah yeah i'm doing a lot of weird things i'm like oh my god

don't let anyone see me do this i had like you know johnny stole like he's one that he insists on a bottle

but um the Olympics he like had his bottle yes and i go up the camera the mom's on instagram

we're gonna come for me that's the second birthday and he's got his bottle in his hand

there are the same people who are coming for me for saying my three-year-old needs to kick the

the passie this year you know we're fine thank you we're fine totally good um now i do want to ask you

one more question uh for the people out there who also might be in tough situations or going

through hard times what is the best piece of advice you've received on handling grief um i would

say just write things down um memories stories you know if somebody tells you a nice story right

it down because grief just has this way of like taking over your body your memory um

i have like so much brain fog from grief but i find things i've written down i can go back and

read it just all comes back and or some of it's like i don't remember that but thank god i wrote that

down um that would be my big thing i'm kind of obsessed right now i'm trying to like just preserve

all memories for my kids so i'm writing down everything um and that would be my biggest

pieces because um going back and having that to read is like what you want to do at the end of

your day and it's heartwarming just you know the end of the day when the kids are asleep and just

time for yourself you just think about that person and you can if you have what you wrote down

you're not going to remember it as well as you will when you take the time to sit and just

write out the details i cannot thank you enough for coming to talk today um one of the things

that we touched on was the john and mathy gradro foundation um it's at www.johnandmatti.org

um i'm assuming the best way to support right now is to donate so that you guys can continue

giving out grants yeah exactly thank you yeah of course um thank you so much for coming i know

you don't need to be told this but you doing what you're doing having these conversations

allows john to continue to live on and of course that gives your kids the opportunity to continue

to see how far he has reached so thank you so much for coming to talk to us for having me it was fun

and we'll see each other at the shore yeah i can't wait perfect and that's a wrap on this week's

episode of not gonna lie you can find even more clips for my longer conversation with Meredith

on my youtube channel on more shit monday reminder no new ngl next week but we will be back the

following week with my one year postpartum special send in your questions real ones follow us on

social media at ngl with kiley for clips throughout the week listen and subscribe wherever you get

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