Lena Dunham | Trump Roasted by King Charles, Lindsey Graham Wants YOU To Pay for Trump's Ballroom: A Closer Look

When we're FBI director James Comey was indicted yesterday

for posting a photograph on social media of seashells

that spelled out the numbers 86.47,

which prosecutors claim was a threat against President Trump.

Oh, come on, that's not a threat.

That's something your mom has framed for the guest bathroom.

The only way that's a threat to President Trump

is if he has a shellfish allergy.

86 just means to remove something.

And I worked at a lot of restaurants.

And when the manager said 86, the salmon,

nobody thought he meant assassinate the salmon.

The salmon seemed too much.

From 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York City,

please enjoy this podcast edition of Late Night

with Seth Meyers.

On today's show, Seth talks to actress and author Lena Dunham.

But first, a closer look.

Donald Trump got roasted by King Charles.

Over his $400 million gold and ballroom,

which Republicans are now insisting

should be funded by taxpayers.

For more on this, it's time for a closer look.

Donald Trump desperately wants to be a king.

We all know this.

He loves pageantry and fanfare and putting his face

and name on everything, his official store sells everything

from Trump golf balls, to Trump beer coosies,

to Trump pickleball paddles, to Trump dog collars,

which you can get in three sizes.

Poodle, Doberman, and JD Vance.

And now he's doing the same thing

to official government documents.

A series of US passports with an image of President Trump

on the inside cover will be issued this year

as part of the nation's 250th anniversary.

This is just another example of the president

adding his name or image to government items.

You may remember him adding his likeness

to the National Park Pass right next to George Washington

and back in February, large banner

was hung outside the Justice Department

with his face on it.

Trump would be the first living president

to have his image inside of a passport.

The passport joins a growing list of things

named after Trump just this term.

We do have the rolling ledger of how Trump is doing

compared to his predecessors in terms of naming things

after himself.

And everybody is at zero.

Trump is at one office.

It's the only measure by which Trump is doing better

than his predecessors.

And we're only 15 months in.

By the time his term is over,

we're all going to live in the United States to Trump,

take swims in the Gulf of Trump.

And when you need to take a dump in a public part,

instead of a portage on,

you'll have to use a portage of Trump.

And by the way, who the hell wants

Trump's scowling face on their passport?

Based on how he's treated other countries,

that thing is going to be like a Disney fastpass

right to the cavity search line.

I'm not great at accents,

but here are some of the things you could expect

to hear at airports across the world

when they open this up.

Mundo!

Gortin Himo!

And I had yours, Mios!

Take a look at this **** mug.

That last one was Logan Airport in Boston.

Now, if you're worried,

you're going to be stuck with Trump's face

on your passport.

There's good news.

You only get this special edition in one place.

They will be issued to citizens

who apply in person at the Washington, D.C. passport office.

If you would rather get a standard passport,

you can apply it any other office or online.

So you better move fast

because lines are forming never.

Look, I'm not saying people won't want this passport.

I'm just saying I find it hard to believe

there are many maga diehards

willing to drive all the way to D.C. just to get one.

I mean, there are other ways to tell a customs agent

you're a Trump fan.

For example, when they ask,

what the purpose of your visit is,

you can say it's a good question

and people have been talking about it more and more.

Am I going to see the sides

or am I visiting family?

It's definitely something we're looking into

and you're going to be very surprised

when you hear the answer.

And then, you know, you'll get your second cavity search.

We already checked him, Dave.

We'll check him again.

The point is Trump loves king stuff.

He loves his face on documents.

You can tell he's always happiest

when he goes abroad in other countries.

Treat him like he's royalty in South Korea.

They gave him an actual golden crown

and Saudi rabie.

He was welcomed by an honor guard

wielding golden swords.

And in Qatar,

he was greeted by a parade of camels,

although there was a brief international incident

when one of those camels ended up

in RFK Junior's fridge.

Camelmead is actually very high in amino acid.

It tastes almost as good as raccoon.

Woo!

Woo!

And Trump clearly loves the royal treatment.

We appreciate those camels.

I haven't seen camels like that in a long time.

What do you mean?

You haven't seen camels like that in a long time.

I haven't seen camels like that since the time my dad

paid a stranger to take me to the circus.

Oh, we had a time lefty in me.

I called him lefty because it's about after 50 minutes

with me, he left.

So Trump's trip last year to the UK,

the mother of all monarchies,

should have been his peak,

but he didn't go quite as planned

because the UK is a free society.

So he faced massive protests,

both from people who projected an image of him

with Jeffrey Epstein onto Windsor Castle

and from horses, one of whom took a dump right in front of him.

When Trump saw that, he was like a camel would never.

But this week, Trump got a redo for his royal visit

when King Charles came to the US

and Trump pulled out all the stops,

including some stops I didn't know existed.

King Charles and Queen Camilla

arriving to a red carpet welcome here at the White House.

They were greeted with renditions of the British

and US national anthems

when they landed at joint base Andrews.

He and the Queen are going to be honored at a rare

state dinner here at the White House tonight,

so lots of pomp and circumstance.

Yesterday, the royals joined the president

and the first lady for afternoon tea.

They also toured the south lawn

to see the new White House beehive

that is constructed in the shape of the White House.

Wait, what? There's a beehive in the shape of the White House.

So even the bees are getting a f***ing ballroom now.

And let me just say, I for one don't care

if the White House has a beehive.

I just pray Trump doesn't do that thing.

He's doing with the ballroom

of claiming every president before him wanted a beehive

in the shape of a White House.

But he's the only one who can get it done

because he's the first president who is good at beehives.

Because if he did, you know, it would sound like this.

They've wanted a beehive.

Here, we don't have a beehive.

They've wanted a great beehive.

And we're building, we're going to build the greatest beehive.

Anywhere in the world they've wanted a beehive.

At the White House, we're going to make and build a beehive.

Actually, it's going to be pretty fun.

I hope it happens. It's pretty fun.

So the stakes were high.

This trip was an effort to reset US-UK relations,

which had been rocky.

Unfortunately, there were still some screw-ups.

The District of Columbia is scrambling to fix a major mix-up

after putting up Australian flags instead of British flags

near the White House ahead of King Charles's US visit.

15 Australian flags were briefly included

among more than 230 union jack flags

put on display to welcome King Charles.

You think it would be an easy mistake to spot

since the flags look f***ed different?

LAUGHTER

These are national flags.

You get just the one design.

It's not like Major League Baseball

where you have alternate away flags, speaking of.

If you see the new alternate uniform,

they're making the Metzware clown suits.

LAUGHTER

So the flag mishap was awkward,

and things get even rockier when Trump cut in front of Camilla.

Cut right in front of her,

while shaking hands with White House staff.

He cut in front of her like they were in line for cake

at a five-year-old's birthday party.

Also, why would you cut in front of a guest

to shake hands with people you see every day?

Be like, if I introduce someone to come on this show

and then instead of getting up to say hi to them,

I just ran to shake hands with Cucard Wally.

No one looks at a Wally before I do!

APPLAUSE

Ah!

Don't clap for Wally and ruin my vibe!

But beneath all the Padden and Tree and Fanfare,

there had been moments of tension.

Trump's been lobbying insults at the UK

for not coming to his rescue during the Iran War.

He even claimed that without the US,

Europeans would all be speaking German,

but Charles had a comeback, premised on the fact,

that parts of North America were, of course,

colonized by both England and France.

You recently commented, Mr. President,

that if it were not for the United States,

European countries would be speaking German.

Dare I say that if it wasn't for us,

you'd be speaking French.

Oh man, when Trump heard that joke, I guarantee he fake laughs so hard,

because he definitely didn't get it.

Well said what, though.

Let me just say, can you imagine Donald Trump trying to speak French?

He can barely speak English.

In fact, there are times when he's speaking English

and it sounds like he's trying to speak French.

Known or suspect, gang members, the oranges,

the oranges of the investigation,

the beginnings.

Saudi Arabia and Russia will repeat your...

Donald Trump's very, very large...

a brain.

This is me, I hear.

Controlled by large donors,

unelected regulators, and regulators.

The donors and regulators,

suspect, is that Donald Trump has a very large brain, no?

But Charles saved his best line for Trump's obsession

with building a White House ballroom,

which involves demolishing the East Wing.

The King reverends the War of 1812

when British forces burned down the White House.

I cannot help noticing the readjustments

to the East Wing, Mr. President.

Following your visit to Windsor Castle last year,

and I'm sorry to say that we, British, of course,

made our own small attempt at real estate redevelopment

of the White House in 1814.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Oh, Charles, your punchlines are like sex with Mulani.

I don't get it.

With the timing of Charles's ballroom jab,

it must be especially wounding for Trump,

given that the entire Republican party

is now falling in lockstep behind Trump's ballroom demand,

after the shooting at the White House correspondent's dinner.

A lot of senators and representatives are now saying,

this is why we need to get the ballroom back up and running.

We got to build that ballroom as soon as possible.

The ballroom will be a solution for this.

Being more prepared means having a facility like this ballroom.

This is one of the reasons why the president has been pushing

to build this ballroom at the White House.

The president is right about this having the ballroom

on the White House grounds.

A ballroom is imperative.

The American people elected no?

No.

You forget that the American people elected Donald Trump

to do three things.

Build a golden ballroom.

Put his face up the esports.

They get f***ed on by a royal horse.

You remember now.

You remember now.

How is this their biggest priority?

Gas is at its highest point since the Iran war started,

and majority of Americans say their financial situation

is getting worse, which is the highest ever in polling.

And you think the thing that's going to solve our problems

is a golden ballroom that no one else can use.

The only way any of us will ever see the inside of that ballroom

is if we find a Trump passport with like a golden ticket inside

and he gives you a tour like he's Willy Wonka.

And this is the B.I.

This is where we make the delicious honey for our chocolate.

Do you want to meet the Ombalumbas?

Marco JD, come on sing.

But at the very least,

this Don Vierty project was supposed to be funded

by private donations, not taxpayers.

Well, you'll never guess what happened this week.

Republicans changed their tune and said,

we should pay for the ballroom that none of us asked for.

A group of Senate Republicans is pushing to fund

the construction of President Trump's 90,000-square-foot ballroom

using taxpayer money.

The efforts being led by Senator and close Trump ally Lindsey Graham.

We're going to introduce legislation

that would authorize $400 million to be spent

to secure the, to build the presidential ballroom.

Underneath, there will be a lot of military stuff.

There will be a secret service annex.

The estimate is $332 million.

We're going to do $400 million,

because I think it's probably going to take more.

Private donations can be used,

but I think they should be used for buying China and stuff like that.

They can use donations to buy China,

because I ain't giving a mind.

I need my China for my dinner parties.

Even though my Mimal keeps telling me

no one's ever going to come to my parties,

maybe they'd come if you'd stay in your room.

Instead of traipsing around the dinner table

with your nightgown half open,

asking everybody if you want to open it up

to see your military stuff.

The old dust bucket.

And now Republicans...

No, it didn't go, right?

And now Republicans are seriously trying to claim

that this is actually a gift.

The ballroom is a gift to the next president.

The next time that we have a Democrat president

and Democrats who are going to receptions

and parties at the White House,

they're going to love the big beautiful ballroom

that Donald Trump built for them and for the country.

I mean, it's something that I think we can all look forward to

and celebrate.

No, we can't, because none of us can use it.

Also, he's not going to leave it

in a usable condition for a Democrat.

He or his supporters are going to march in,

smash all the windows, flip over the tables.

The only invite Trump's going to make

is to the horse he met in England.

Tell him to do a couple of laps and do his worst.

Americans are more pessimistic about their financial situations

than they've ever been in the history of polling,

but Trump doesn't care.

There's one thing he can say he accomplished his president

putting his name and face on things.

When it comes to everything else,

it turns out his promises were emptier than his...

A brain.

This has been a closer look.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

My guest tonight is an Emmy-enominated actress,

writer and director.

You know, if her show is girls and too much,

and her film's tiny furniture in Cathering called Verde,

her memoir, Fame Sick,

debuted at number one on the near-times bestseller list

that's available now where everybody bucks.

Please, back it. Welcome back to the show,

my friend, Lena Donovan.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It has always been so special.

It's been a while since you've been here,

but you were a guest first year on the show?

I was a guest first week on the show.

First week on the show. God love you.

So, yeah, February 14th.

February 14th.

And there's something I've been holding on to since then.

OK.

That I was hoping we could talk about.

It's your time.

I want you to know I'm not mad at you.

Oh, well.

But I think it's better that we just put it out in the open now.

Yeah, totally.

And I'm glad we didn't do it backstage.

Me, too. You came back there and I thought,

why do it with like no one around?

Yeah.

You could do it with like everyone?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, it was your first week doing the show.

Yeah.

And you would just left obviously being head writer at SNL.

Yeah.

And you came up to visit.

And I said, Saf, because you're my friend,

I said, Saf, I'm having a lot of trouble with my monologue

and I'm trying to rewrite it.

And do you think you could stay here for a couple of minutes

and help me?

And you went, no.

And then I looked, I wasn't upset at the time.

But then I looked and I was like, huh.

A lot of really hard stuff happened to me over the last 10 years.

It's in the book.

I don't know if you read it yet.

And maybe had my monologue gone better.

Who?

Girls might still be on the air.

Oh, my God.

I might not have had some of these really trying times.

I may not have had to have my uterus removed, Seth.

So you're thinking if I had helped,

just not even written it, just helped a little bit,

you'd still have your uterus.

Yeah.

You know what?

I still have no regrets.

I'm so sorry, Lena.

Honestly, me neither.

Honestly, me neither.

Yeah.

Because I got to put it all into this story.

It's a wonderful book.

Congratulations.

And I know.

And one of these things to be very arduous undertakings,

I think sometimes it's healthy to hear from somebody who's finished a book,

which reads like, you know, again, we're lucky enough to know you.

It reads the way you speak.

It reads the way you have written over the years we've known you.

And yet, of course, it is a slog to get these things out.

So you're proud of me.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

I'm very proud of you.

And I want anybody to think it was easy.

You know, it was interesting.

I wrote it over eight and a half years.

Yeah.

My first book took me nine months.

So I was a little bit under the impression that it would just kind of flow out.

Right.

And then I wrote thousands of pages that no one will ever see,

that I will have to have burned along with my body.

Did, like, your editor even see those, or did you,

were there's pages that you were, like, not for anyone ever?

My editor, Andy Wardsch, he had to read a lot.

Yeah.

And he had to find a delicate way to be like, I know you're talking about your pain.

And I know this is very real for you, but it's not good.

Right.

That's must be hard to hear.

Like, I know this hurt, but it is a snooze to read.

That sort of feels like he was like, you kind of,

he's like, you know how you're like spending the whole book being like,

I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy.

You kind of sound crazy.

That's a very good note from it.

Yeah.

It is.

And he was right.

I also, you know, I was obviously aware, like, from watching girls and from knowing you,

that you were young when this all began for you,

but then, like, actually seeing it in print, because I was 27 when I started in SNL,

but, like, I was entering a show that was, like, moving.

And, like, I got to be a very small part of it.

It was still overwhelming.

Whereas, you know, you, at this very young age, were you 26, 25, one girl started?

I was 23 when I wrote the pilot.

Okay.

And I was 24.

It's okay, we can all dance.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

I told you, I'm not mad at you.

Yes, thank you.

Now I know.

Okay, good.

I was 23 when I wrote the pilot, 24 when we shot it.

And then, off we went.

Yeah.

And it's so funny, because the thing about being that young is that you don't think you're young.

Right.

And now, when I meet a 24-year-old, I think you should still be in your mom's body.

Yes.

Like, it's not safe for you to walk around out here.

It's so true.

I also think, and, you know, it comes up in the book, like, I think one of the things about your success,

and the fact that, you know, you were speaking for a lot of 24-year-olds, is people forgot how young you were.

Right.

Like, you seemed, from the outside, you seemed like someone who was so capable that, I think people sometimes forgot you were a young person when they talked about you.

And you sort of, you know, you're very honest about, like, again, like, even when you were so successful,

and people would tell you, like, focus on what's good, it's so hard at any age to read negative thoughts about you that other people have.

But when I think about somebody 24, 25, 26, how many go through that?

It's hard to imagine.

I still lived with my parents when I started making the show.

Yeah.

So anyone might have thought I was mature until they dropped me off at my children.

At my childhood bedroom, which had, like, a mural of bunnies dancing.

Yeah.

Like, it was a room for a baby.

That is unbelievable.

But, but 27 is so, in guy years, 27, 16.

Yeah, it really is.

That's wild.

Yeah, no, that was, yeah.

I don't think, honestly, I love men, but I don't think they should be allowed out of the house until they're 32.

No.

It is not, I mean, by the way, 32.

I think it's right.

And when I'm president, no man will be allowed out of the house until they're 32.

This is such an interesting presidential platform.

I think it really has, like, I have a lot more questions about your wonderful book,

we'll be right back with Lena after this.

Welcome back.

We're here with Lena Dunham.

Everybody, oh, you talk about, I was fascinated by the use of aliases to check into a hotel to make a restaurant reservation.

And the aliases you used over the years?

Yes.

I listed them all in the book.

I can't use those anymore.

I might, I mean, they wouldn't have occurred to me to use an aliase, but someone told me you should do this.

And so, my first one was Lori Reynolds.

Yeah.

My mom's name is Lori, and my grandma's last name is Reynolds.

So, very nice.

Pulled from your past.

Pulled from my past.

Yes.

My second one was Ruth Stein.

Uh-huh.

Just because I feel that that's who I am inside.

Right.

I think, like, there's that thing too.

Like, when you check in, you want the name to be like, you don't want them to be like, this isn't who I thought.

Yeah, you don't want to be like, I'm Anastasia Beverly Hills.

Right.

You want them to, you want them to believe you.

Yes.

And I feel I can be believed as a Ruth Stein.

Yes.

Lori Reynolds, check.

Then I went for Rosoneal, and she was the inventor of the Cupid doll.

Okay.

And America's first self-made female millionaire.

Wow.

That's a good one.

That's a nice.

Until she wasted it all on Drinking Men.

But before that, she was doing really well.

Yeah, yeah.

Um, and then I went for Renata Halper, which is pretty niche.

It's the novelist in the Nick Nolty Barbara Streisand film The Prince of Tides.

Oh, wow.

So, and anyone who picks up on that, I go, okay.

Can you see me?

Yeah.

Um, but I think the mistake that people make is they have too much fun with it.

Yeah.

You, you just like, they were simple, like nice little tributes and...

Little simple.

So, if I were to check in under an alias, what do you think I could get away with?

Something's coming to me.

Okay.

Bob Jefferson Schumacher.

Bob Jefferson Schumacher.

I'm not, uh, I'm not comfortable using three names.

It has a dash.

Okay.

Oh, my last name is Jefferson Schumacher.

Your last name is Jefferson Schumacher.

My first name is not Bob Jefferson.

No.

Your name is Robert.

Yeah.

You go by Bob Jefferson Schumacher.

Yeah.

I was this whole time.

I'm like, what was Nick Nolty's name in Prince of Tides?

And I think, oh, I got it.

Tom Wingo.

Oh, my God.

Look at that.

You're good.

That was amazing.

So proud of myself.

That was beautiful.

Well, one of the only people who recognized the alias was the woman who accepts packages at my PO box in Connecticut.

Oh, my God.

And she was like, what the heck is...

We're not a helper in doing getting old.

I thought she was invented.

Like, it was back then.

Oh, wow.

You got a real, like, Prince of Tides head.

I got a real Prince of Tides head.

And so, then on this tour, I tried a new name and everyone around me rejected it.

Oh, it's really rejected it.

I got a little cocky and I went Barbara Bookmaker.

Yeah.

I mean, I think even...

And this, obviously, you can tell this room is a huge...

They're huge fans of yours and we all collectively just...

No, it was...

It's no good.

Everyone around me was like, you're on a book tour.

Like, calm down.

Yeah.

You make one book and you lose it completely.

Yeah.

I mean, literally, the only thing that would be worse is Barbara Booktour.

Well, that's what I'm talking to you too.

We talked about your dog last time you were here.

And I have some shame because I...

You know, my dog recently passed away for his meet and I had to suffer through...

I had to suffer through years of my dear friend Andy Sandberg telling me that my dog was ugly.

And I maybe was a little unkind to your dog.

And so, I just want to say, I am...

I am having a hard time changing my tune.

The only people who think that she's a literal supermodel.

We feel that she is the jazel bun chin of dogs or my husband and I sometimes I wake up and I hear him going,

you're a beautiful girl.

You're such a beautiful girl.

And he's...

People say things about her in the street because...

Yeah.

They say things or yelp things.

They yelp things.

They ask what she is.

They ask if she's sick.

They ask if she's sick.

And he acts like she can speak English and they're curling abuses at a child.

But I mean, I find her gorgeous...

This next picture is one of my favorites.

I mean, it's great too because the hat looks so natural.

Yeah.

No boss is no boyfriend.

She lives on her own time.

Since the last time you were here, you've added some pets.

Yes, I have.

No, I've heard about people who have pigs as pets.

They're the most incredible animal in the world.

They're incredible.

Here's a photo of yours.

I guess right after they got into the cocaine.

They broke into a yogurt parfait.

Did they really?

Yes, they broke into a yogurt parfait and they were so proud of themselves.

Yeah.

That boy is a victor and that's cherry.

Yeah.

And if you wonder, they're not brother and sister, they're husband and wife.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Yeah.

And is it everything that I've heard it is?

Is it just the greatest animals in the world?

They're the greatest animals in the world.

They're brilliant.

Yeah.

They have incredible senses of humor.

Yeah.

I mean, by the way, they figured out how to get the parfait.

They did.

They cry sometimes when they hear music that they love.

Really?

Big wobbly tears.

His favorite singer is Lana Del Rey.

Yeah.

And she likes milk tart.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

What a lovely, what a lovely family you've put together.

I feel really lucky.

Yeah.

And what favorite musician?

Oh, this is easy.

This is so easy.

She's a brat girl.

Very rare.

You know that's a brat girl.

Lena, don't be a stranger.

You have to come back again very soon.

Do you like me to sign your book?

Oh, OK.

You guys.

I only have pencil, that's a problem.

That's all right.

OK, great.

Here you go.

Deer Seth.

Yes.

I'm not angry.

I love you very much.

But only as a friend.

Lena, do you like me?

Lena, do you like me?

Leightnight with Seth Myers.

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