Letting Go of Wine Culture | Sherri’s Naked Life | EP 892

You're listening to This Naked Mind with Annie Grace.

Hey everybody and welcome to This Naked Mind podcast.

I am Cole Harvey and I'm filling in for the amazing integrates and today you get to hear

at Naked Life Story and we have Sherry on to tell her story.

Hey Sherry, good to have you on here.

Hi Cole, thank you for having me.

Yeah, that's all.

Happy.

Yeah, I'm pleasure.

Glad you're on, able to tell your story and so why don't you just introduce yourself

a little bit and then just tell the listeners your journey thus far with alcohol.

Okay, so I picked up my first drink or drug at 11 years old and I put down my last drink

at 56 and so in between there, there was a lot of partying, you know, I'm a Brooklyn

girl.

And we like to party, you know, I always want to know where we're, you know, I want always

I want to have a fun time and that's what I did like I party from very early on.

I had older friends, I always had older friends, you know, my parents party, they smoke pot,

they did pills, my dad did coke and partying in my home was very normalized.

My home was the party home.

My home was the cool home.

You know, let's go to Sherry's place because we could smoke pot.

We could do, you know, my parents were very, you know, leaning to a fault.

And I thought it was cool at the time.

It was, you know, and it was just, I guess, a sign of the times, you know, in the 70s

and 80s, like my parents, you know, they got married very, very young.

And so they were, you know, they were still young.

So they were like, you know, just kind of partying.

So there was just a lot of drugs and alcohol in my, in my story.

You know, we were, I mean, I went to like 100, sweet 16s parties and like, they were

open bar.

You know, it was like, that was this thing.

We all drank.

We all, it was just the thing that we all did, you know, and I experimented with a lot

of substances.

I did a lot of coke with my dad.

My dad took me to my first disco.

I was 14.

You know, this is not something that a normal 14 year old would be doing, you know, he took

me and my friends.

We went partying to the disco's and, you know, sex drugs and, you know, dancing all night.

This is what that lifestyle was.

And I just loved that whole, that, you know, the drinking, the nightlife, the coke.

I mean, I just ran with that and I just loved that, that, that whole, you know, that,

the, what that did to me and, um, but what happened was, you know, my dad eventually went

into a rehab and he got sober, you know, he got clean and sober.

He went away for a year and, you know, here I am, like my best friend just left me and

I felt abandoned like, you know, I, that was, he was like my party buddy.

And then he ended up, you know, he, you know, got his shit together and then he became

a counselor and all of that.

But I just kept partying, you know, when I was in my, like my mid 20s, my friends were

starting to like get married and start families, you know, the 20s and 30s.

And I, that was not part of my story.

I tried to get married, I got married at 27, I actually met my ex husband in the narcotics

anonymous meeting and I couldn't put 30 days together and everybody told us no relationships

for the first year and we immediately moved in together and planned a wedding.

And so that was doomed from the start and I was married for five years.

I was 27 and I could not.

I think I posted about it in one of my alcohol experiment postings.

I could not manage, maintain a marriage and my partying lifestyle.

It, there was no way and I chose partying.

I chose partying over everything.

So I never had kids.

I didn't get married again.

I, you know, the, the decisions that I made were based on, you know, I was just very selfish.

I just wanted to party.

And so I eventually, I'm going to say, you know, the drugs eventually, I had to stop

because my body literally could not take the coke.

I was doing like eight balls every night.

I don't know how I was functioning for so many years on the coke.

And well, I was balancing it out with the pills and the alcohol.

And but eventually I gave up the, the, the substances.

I'm going to say about 15 years ago, but the alcohol was ever present.

The alcohol was in my life from very even.

I think I was even earlier than 11.

If I remember correctly, we used to have this bungalow colonies.

It was like a bungalow.

We used to go to the bungalow, right?

And I would, I think I was like nine or 10.

We were drinking like Boone's farm apple wine.

I think I was even younger than 11.

But I know 11 is when like the cigarettes came in and they're drinking in the pod.

And then it just kind of progressed from there.

So alcohol had been in my life from all of these years.

And I never not drank.

And so, you know, at some point when I stopped doing the coke, you know, when you do coke,

you can drink a lot.

But when you're not doing the coke, I didn't realize, I just didn't realize how much

I depended on alcohol.

And eventually when I gave up cigarettes, I gave up cigarettes after 40 years,

which was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.

But when I gave up the cigarettes, I had to give up the hard liquor.

Because I couldn't not smoke and have like a martini or have a vodka or have.

So somewhere along the line became my love affair with wine.

Because somehow I learned to appreciate the taste of wine without the cigarette,

the cigarettes were nasty.

So I was like, oh, and that wine was the very, I could not imagine myself without a glass of wine in my hand.

And it was very difficult to shed that image of me without a glass of wine in my hand.

And I tried to, many things.

I tried all the things to stop drinking the wine.

I've been only drinking on certain days.

I'm only going to have one glass.

I'm going to make it last me for three hours.

I'm going to make it last me for two hours.

I'm going to make it last me for one hour.

And I could not stop drinking the wine.

Every day I say, I'm not going to go into the lipistor and all my way home.

I would go right like a robot.

And I was beating myself up a lot.

And then also a part of my story, too, is I worked in the hotel hospitality field for like 30 years.

And working in the hotels and I was working in the lounges and the bars and the restaurants.

And it was just part of the culture.

Like it just, it was having drinks with clients and guests.

And it was just so that whole thing that was hard for me to just say, I'm going to still do that.

And then not drink.

So I actually stopped drinking and then COVID happened.

And then, thank God, then I ended up switching careers completely.

That's another whole story.

But I just could not imagine myself without drinking.

And for somebody that loved to party, for somebody that I ran the streets in the 70s and 80s,

I ran the streets of New York City.

It was like my playground.

And I just wanted a good time.

I wanted to be around people.

I wanted to be seen and I was seen.

I was the crazy one at the office parties.

I was the one that the friends had a drag home.

I was the one that woke up not knowing how I got where I was.

And it was all fun.

I thought it was all fun.

I was putting myself in people, places, and things that I technically should have never survived.

I'm grateful to be alive today.

I mean, the things that I was fearless, I had no fear.

No fear whatsoever.

I just wanted the buzz, man.

And so, but at the end, for somebody like that, at the end of my drinking, it was just me

alone.

I didn't want to see anybody.

I didn't want to do anything.

I avoided social events.

It was too much work to plan when, how this, that, nah, I was going to get a drink.

So, I was very lonely.

I did not go out.

It was very rare that I did anything social.

I worked and I drank.

That was all I did.

The weekends, I woke up early and I drank because I was safer to drink at home because when

I did venture out to a social thing, I would have, I would have Martini are here and there.

So, I was having blackouts more frequently because I had stopped smoking for so many years

that I could have a Martini without a cigarette, right?

So, it just, you know, one thing after another and so I was finding that when I was venturing

out, I couldn't be trusted.

So every time I ventured out and I was drinking out with people, I was ending up in the black

out.

So, I stayed home because it was safer, you know, I had my wine in the weekends.

I started drinking earlier, never lost a job.

I don't know how.

I somehow I kept a job.

I never got fired from a job, but I went into work and really, really, really bad shape,

really bad condition and somehow, you know, luckily I never lost a job.

So, that wasn't part of my bottom, but I lost relationships.

I lost people.

I lost self-respect.

I had very low self-esteem and I just, after my last blackout, I knew that I knew that

I was going to stop drinking somehow.

I didn't know how, but that last year, I knew that I was going to stop drinking and I was

in the library and I saw, I went to the, I went to the, it was the library and picks section.

So, as you walk in, this is, the library was, you know, I still love a library and it

was in 2019 and I saw Andy's book, The Alcohol Experiment.

And it was right there.

And what I loved about that book is, you know, Andy talks about, you know, like she talks,

you know, you know, the methodology, you know, the, you know, ending the cognitive dissonance

and rewiring beliefs, you know, the experiment mentality, three S's.

But for me, what got me was the experiment mentality.

That's what gripped me.

That was, that was what got me hooked.

That was the hook.

The experiment mentality, that approach was, it just, it took the edge off.

You know what I'm saying?

It took the edge off of that constant, like, you know, she talks about that internal stress,

right, that mental conflict.

Like I was clobbering myself on my head every single day because I was angry.

I was fighting it.

I was, every day that I didn't, that I drank when I didn't want to drink, I was really beating

myself up.

And I couldn't, like, between the mental stress I was causing myself.

And then on top of that, the, you know, negative self talk and like, you know, I was, you

know, it was really, really bad.

And here I came upon this approach where it was, I could do it.

I could not do it.

I could try it out.

I could, maybe it'll work, maybe it won't work.

You know, well, we'll see.

And it was just like that, you know, that whole thing was what, and, and so like, just

from that, I, you know, I got the book, I took the book home, I started reading the book

and I was like, I didn't want to waste time.

Like I just, like, from right there, I got to the website.

I got started getting the emails, I, but then I was like, okay, what's next?

I was like, well, you know, what can I, you know, and then I immediately got to the,

to the alcohol experiment, um, Facebook group.

And that's where I settled.

And that's where I, I got sober on that page.

And I, you know, I remember when I brought the book home, I said, okay, I'm going to,

you know, I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this.

And then if I did it for a day, then I drank and I was so angry and I said, you know,

no, no.

And then I went on, I went back on every day and, and I just started posting.

I just showed up.

I was there every single day.

I did not miss one day.

I let people know I'm here.

I'm not drinking today.

And I would love support.

And there were people that were there before me that took me in.

There's still in my life today.

There are people that are still in my life from June of 2019 that are women in my life

that I could not live without.

These are, these women are spread out, of course, the country.

I've met most of them.

I haven't met all of them, but where there's a bond there and there are people that I've

connected with over the six and a half years that I love, you know, and I think they love

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And what did I get?

I got connection, I got accountability, I got validation, and they still continue to

carry me.

You know, during COVID, if I hadn't been sober, if I hadn't found that book, I was sober.

I think eight months, eight, nine months, during COVID.

And if I had not been sober during COVID, that would have been the death, that would have

been the death of me.

I don't, I would have not survived COVID.

I wouldn't have made it out alive, for sure.

I know that.

And because of the people that I connected with on that group, it gave me the confidence

in myself, which I never had.

Like, it was completely unfathomable that I would not be a person that was fucked up

on something.

And here I was, you know, like, on following people and on leading the way to, you know, people

are following me, people are like, they're seeing that I can do it and they're doing.

And they're telling me, you're helping me do it.

And so it's just been, you know, so because of those people, I completely reinvented

my whole entire life.

I got into coaching.

I got into, you know, doing training to be an addiction counselor.

And my whole life just, you know, it just took a turn.

And at some point, after COVID, after the hotels were booming again and the hotel hospitality

was coming back to life, they called me back.

You know, I was making excellent money.

I had excellent benefits.

I had a very, very comfortable lifestyle, but I couldn't.

I couldn't turn my back on, you know, the people that, the life that I was immersed in,

I felt I just couldn't go back to that.

And so, you know, I took a financial, financial sacrifice, which I'm still feeling.

However, the rewards of living this lifestyle and the rewards of things that are coming back

into my life, you know, I just recently reconnected with my ex-husband, we're reconnecting,

we're getting, we're back together, which is, you know, a miracle in itself, because,

you know, my alcohol was the reason our marriage didn't work, right?

So I'm getting things back in my life, you know, that it's like second chances, you know,

which is an absolute miracle.

And, you know, there are a lot of things in, in, you know, Annie's, you know, how she

presents it and all of these things.

And I know, like, in the beginning after I got on the alcohol experiment, I connected

with a core group of women, like I mentioned, and we were doing zooms every week, once

a week, during COVID, and we were all connected because of Annie.

And so, like, we would, you know, talk about, like, you know, I have one friend that,

or more than one friend that is just the scientific thing.

Like, that was, like, the scientific, you know, the beliefs, the, you know, all these

other things.

And we would, like, pick it apart, we would talk about it, we would, you know, eventually

those zooms kind of petered out, but I still, you know, my core women are still with me.

And I have, you know, a video calls, and at least one or two calls with these women every

single week.

So, again, it's that, you know, the fact of, like, you know, that shows an abstinence, you

know, I'm choosing it, you know, I can do it, I can drink, I can, you know, any time

I want, you know, like I say, you know, there's not, you know, there's not a picture of me

hanging in the bars and a liquor store saying don't serve cherry, like I can go in there

any day I want.

It's just that I just don't want to.

I just have an amazing life.

And I learned that I, you know, give myself a break, like, you know, it's, it, it, and let

go of a lot of, you know, the shit from the past, I mean, I had to let go of that.

I had to let go of, you know, like all the gory details, like all of those, you know, the

really, the dark and dirty, you know, all of those secrets, all of those things that

I did that, you know, I was very ashamed of, I had to let go of that.

You know, I had to let go of a lot of self hatred.

I had to let go of a lot of resentments towards my family, you know, I blamed my dad.

I was so screwed up because my dad, you know, did cope with me, but at some point I, you

know, it took me to my, until I was mid fifties to take responsibility and say enough, like,

you know, but then it was like, okay, how, okay, enough is enough, but now how do I do

it?

And it was right there on that shelf in the library.

That's where my answer was.

So there was a reason I went into that library.

I didn't know.

I was just going, I don't know.

I was, I just, I don't even know what I was going in to look for, not anything specific,

specific.

I was just going to the library on a Saturday.

And that's where my answer was right under the librarian's picks, front and center,

front and center.

That's where it was.

And I'm going to tell you that was on a Saturday, and I quit on Tuesday, Tuesday, June,

I think, don't quote me, I think it was a Tuesday, I think June 12th of 2019, I believe

was a Tuesday.

I'm going to have to look it up, that's when I got the book on a Saturday.

And I quit on the Tuesday, and I never looked back.

And I'm still, I'm still on the page, not every day, but I'm still there once a week.

I'm still, you know, you know, sharing about whatever, whatever it is I share about, you

know, I still go there because those are my people.

And that forum is just, you know, an amazing safe space for people with no judgment.

You know, and that's really, oh, that's, that's my story, you know, I mean, I'm sure

I left a lot out, but it was just, you know, a lifetime of drinking, and I was able to,

you know, stop, you know, just with changing the, I have to, to I don't want to.

Like I said, it's choosing, yeah, we're choosing because you're, you're a grown adult.

You can do that, like you said, nobody's saying, don't serve, Sherry, but it's more of

choosing what it is that you, this is a tough thing to do, but I'm choosing to do it.

And being in a supportive environment, too, sounds like it was incredibly helpful.

I'm so glad that you found that Facebook group and that you were so driven to participate

in it and keep that up and found that connection and that validation and that confidence, like

you said.

You know, I have people like one of my very, very good friends, you know, when she started

following me, there's a bunch of us that have, you know, that, you know, that got sober

in 2019 and we've all just hit our, you know, six, well, six-year mark.

And then I have a, you know, a very good friend that I was talking to the other day and

she hit her 60, oh, it was on Christmas Eve.

She hit her six, her six years on New Year's Eve, a Christmas Eve and we were talking

and she said, I saw you, that girl from New York with your holding up because I used to

hold my numbers, whole, I used to hold every number every day and she said and I wasn't,

she's like, I wasn't going to let you down.

She's like, there was no way I was going to pick up a drink and have to tell you that

I did.

Well, that's how it worked for me because I was there every day.

How could I possibly like the accountability factor was huge for me, you know?

People were depending on me.

People were watching, you know, and then like there was this big build up to my wife,

my one year, you know, there was like, I don't even, I don't remember.

I don't want to like overstate, but it was, there was like 1500 likes and there were

like 300 comments.

I mean, it was huge for me and it took me like two weeks to like respond to all the comments.

It was really an amazing way to celebrate my one year and I just, you know, like you

said, the connections in the community were really what, what did it for me and I'm just

forever grateful.

Yeah.

And it just goes to show too that no matter where you are, how many days, weeks, whatever,

you could always help somebody that's a one half step behind you and your journey,

your story is inspiring somebody else, especially in that setting where there isn't that

judgment, the shame around it and where you can come in and talk and share what's

coming up for you and be held and be seen and be heard.

And it sounds like there was such a tremendous benefit for you.

And it is for so many people.

I would, it's community so important, especially around something like this.

Right.

Right.

And that's what I tell my clients that wherever, however you, you know, you have to find community,

it's key.

You have to have the connections and that's really been, and I have them today, like I couldn't

imagine my life, you know, and my goal is to meet all my ladies, you know, I still have

a few, you know, if you haven't, I haven't met, there's a few I haven't met, but they're

spread all over, you know, and, uh, but I will meet them all, I will meet them all, you

know, but they've come, you know, they've come.

My friends from California have come, I, you know, my friend from Canada has come, Arkansas

has come, Washington has come, these are women I've met on the alcohol experiment.

Mm hmm.

That's so cool.

Yeah.

It's been, it's been pretty amazing journey.

It sounds incredible, like it's amazing, just insights that you had, and, and you said

you had to let go of a lot of shame and self hatred.

What for you was maybe the biggest obstacle around that, just for, cause it's such a big

thing for people, and I'm just curious what that was like for you.

I think my whole pattern was, you know, getting myself into situations where I felt very

like low, like where I would wake up feeling like, like, I am the lowest piece of crap.

Like how could I possibly do this, you know, how, but then the drinking to escape that,

and then drinking, you know, getting in those situations again.

And so when I stopped drinking, I just still had those feelings of like, I'm no good.

Like who would do those kind of things, who would sleep around like that, who, you know,

who does things like that, you know, not even knowing half the time in a blackout.

I don't even know what I've done, half a lot of it, you know.

And so when I stopped drinking, I just, I didn't know how to like not feel bad about myself.

And I know like my dad, there was a lot of like, I was looking for affection and love in

bad places with bad people.

And so I associated like the wrong things with love and I just, it was all, a lot of it

was just very dirty, you know, it was just like not pure.

And I had those feelings.

So when I stopped drinking, I don't know, it was really hard to like, you know, what am I

going to do?

Because I still feel like I'm like worthless, you know, I still feel like, you know, how

could I have, you know, done such things in my life?

And I think what helped me again, going back to putting my face out there in the groove.

I was saying, here I am like, and I was saying, I don't want to drink and like little by little

by little, people were like looking up to me, you know, people were wanting what I had.

And I was like, and I still even that, it was very hard to accept that, wow, like look

at her.

She's pretty cool, like she, you know what I mean?

And so again, that, just that daily sharing, that daily like, you're doing, you know, you're

doing great, you know, you're an inspiration, it just started to sink in.

Yeah.

It just started to sink in.

And then I was like, I, it just kind of like snowballed and I just started not.

And again, never feeling like I'm all that like, you know what I mean?

Like I never, I always stay humble, like, and I just started to believe that, you know,

want not picking up the drink is a big fucking deal.

And now just as a little side thing, you know, where I, where I work, my first job in

this field, I was working with a different population.

They were all homeless.

They were, you know, coming out of prison.

I mean, that's the, that's the population I worked with, you know, I worked in Harlem.

And I don't want to say I used, you know, I, I kind of like, I, I always wanted to appear

like, like, I'm not better than, right?

And so I had good relationships with, with those people.

Now, when I started working for this other organization, it was completely different.

It was people that were very successful.

People that were very wealthy, doctors, surgeons, lawyers, psychiatrists, and I'm thinking,

I was very intimidated.

I said, I can't, how am I going to be a coach to a doctor?

Like, I could not imagine.

And now, because of this confidence that I have, it's like, well, that's my, I'm professional.

That's, you know, you might be a pilot or a surgeon or whatever, but you're drinking

and I'm not.

And so, but not in a cocky way, like using, like, that's my live life experience.

Like, that it's a big deal.

Like, not drinking and helping someone else, you know, with the message is a really big

deal.

Like, that's important.

And I started believing that just that in itself makes me special.

Just that in itself makes me worthy.

And the fact that all of that stuff that I did, let's use it for good purpose.

But it not be in, you know, let there be a reason that I did all those things.

If maybe somebody in the 20s and 30s will not spend the next 25, 30 years drinking, not

wait until they're 56, you know, maybe or maybe, you know, there's people that are 60,

70s and 80s that want to quit.

It's possible, you know, just to be a role model, just to be a power of example.

So that really helped with my, you know, letting go of, like, all of that negative self-talk,

you know, people looking up to me and saying, wow, you're doing something great.

It sounds like that the vulnerability to put yourself out there like you did.

Like you said, here, here I am.

Here's my picture.

Here's me.

Here's what I, here's my story.

And that vulnerability in that container allowing yourself to be heard and seen and no

judgment around that.

And then people starting to look up to you and it sounds like you had all this self-talk

and self-shame.

And then you started getting evidence to the contrary, where you're hearing that from

other folks and you're like, oh, well, maybe there is something here.

Maybe I'm not as bad as I've told myself for so long.

And it starts with being vulnerable and being heard and being seen.

And again, the massing evidence that you're not.

Right.

Exactly.

And putting, but you got to put yourself out there sometimes to do that.

And then to be on, to see it played out now as, as a coach for yourself, where you see

it, it's not, it doesn't matter your socio-political standing wherever you are in any of that because

somebody's coming to you.

They have a problem.

Right.

They have something that is troubling them enough that they're reaching out for help.

Wherever they are, whoever they are in the world.

And you have the evidence, you have the experience, you have the change.

Like here it is, here's who I was, here I am, here's who I am.

And that is confidence building in and of itself too.

It sounds like.

100% 100%.

What I, another thing that just came to mind, this whole approach, it takes the power away

from the alcohol.

I can't, I used to feel like, I was, like, bullied.

You know, like, I was like, the alcohol was the bully.

And I was like, always the, I was losing the battle every single time.

But when I realize that, you know, again, like I'm choosing it, it just takes the power away.

When I realize it's my choice, you know, that I have the choice to not do it.

It's really is amazing of, you know, like I said, taking, just removing that, the conflict,

you know, that stress, that, you know, that anxiety, that, you know, all of that, you

know, it just removes that.

And it's just like, I just wake up in the morning and I just don't, I just choose to

not drink.

And I let people know that it's possible and I'm the proof, I'm the proof, I'm the proof.

But yes, those people gave me the confidence.

They gave me the proof that I am not alone life, that I can do good.

I am strong, I'm capable.

And very early on, I just, it started, you know, like I was gaining momentum and I just

kept going.

Like there was like no stopping me.

And so, you know, six and a half years later, I'm still, and I keep going, you know, I

keep going.

So it's just been amazing.

Yeah, it can be hard to get that momentum at first to get out of the, to switch directions

and gears entirely and, you know, that initial phase is always the toughest, the energy

that it takes, the attention, the intention it takes.

But it sounds like, so how has that been for you now six and a half years on?

Is it still, um, efforting, I guess, would be what, what I'm curious about.

Is it effort to not drink?

Yeah.

Oh, no, no, I just, what I needed in my first year in sobriety, I don't need in my

60, you know, what I needed in my first year, you know, that group was there.

It was a lot of the, the first, you know, my sober first.

I was playing all that out with the support of that group, you know, like my first summer,

my first Christmas, my first holiday, my first birthday, my first wedding, my first,

all of my first was out there.

I was sharing it with, with all the members in the group.

And so I really needed, I needed that, that cheering, the validation, you know, the

coaching, you know, that coaxing and all that.

And so getting through that first year and then the second year, the third year, it just,

you know, by now, but I still have to tap into things.

I still have to, I don't want it to get stale, you know, I still have to, you know,

whatever it's like reading or podcast or, you know, something, whatever it is,

but it's not an effort to not shrink like it was back then, not like the first year,

or even the second year, you know, after the first year, it was kind of hard

because it was this major build up to the first year.

And in my case, I was playing it out in front of the world, you know,

in front of, you know, all of these members.

And then it was kind of like, okay, now what, you know, like now, okay,

did my first year and I was like, mm, you know, but I just kept going.

I decided after about my first year and a half that I could not continue to post

every single day.

It was a lot, you know, it was like, so I kind of pulled back, but I think it's not,

I work in a treatment center.

So I'm around people in recovery all day.

I'm seeing clients talking about recovery all day.

I have my sober support network.

I have all of these things.

So it's just a lifestyle now.

Every so often do I get a little twinge?

Yes.

Every so often something will just, you know, remind me or all, you know,

romanticize a glass of red wine with, you know, with a state dinner, you know,

but I, I, I know I remember where that one drink takes me.

I probably have one or two glasses of wine tonight and then tomorrow night.

And then maybe I can manage that for maybe quite a while.

But for me, I'm in the blackout.

That's the end.

That's the end.

That's where it ends for me.

If I do have that one glass tonight, that's where my drinking will take me.

And I don't want to go back there.

It's lonely.

Thanks for mentioning that too.

And and thanks for expanding on, you know, year one versus year 6.5.

Because I think some folks kind of get the idea or think that it may be just like this

struggle forever.

And it definitely does not have to be the case at all.

And secondly, when you mentioned, yeah, every now and then, a thought pops in them

ahead.

And I've dealt with that.

I've heard people, clients and participants talk about that and they get

so down on themselves.

And oh my gosh, I had a thought about drinking.

Yeah.

So what?

It's a passing thought.

And you don't have to be controlled by it.

And it's not a command.

It's just a thought that and it doesn't mean either that you've done this wrong or that

you're, you know, you are weak willed or anything like that or you haven't done this

correctly.

It's, it's just a thought that can come and go if we just allow to.

Yep.

Okay.

There it was.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Well, you know, there was a woman that commented on one of, I mean, there was some day say

yourself say, I mean, you know, there were some people that were like, oh, this one's

all full of herself, you know, and they would let me know.

But there was a woman, you know, I had posted about a craving or something that came up

after I think I had a year and a half or maybe two years and she's like, you know, she

kind of made it sound like you still want to drink after two years, like, you know what

I mean?

Like, like, it was, you know, like, then watch the years, you know, and I was like,

if I drank for 40 years and I'm only not drinking for two years, of course, there's going

to be many things that are going to come up that are going to remind me of drinking.

Yeah.

When you really look at it, like, everything I did had was to do with alcohol.

So two years out is not really that long of a time when you think about it, you know?

So, and even, yeah, after six, you know, six and a half years, every once in a blue moon,

it will, you know, it'll, like you said, it'll, it comes and it passes, you know, it's

a memory and I have fond memories of drinking.

I have some fond memories of drinking, you know?

There was some times that I, you know, had some very good times, but then it until it

wasn't.

Right.

And I have not so good memories of drinking and those started outweighing the good memories.

Right.

So I prefer to stay on this side of the wine glass, the wine bottle.

That's totally here.

Yeah.

And it's, sometimes you hear something will come out of nowhere.

Oh, I hadn't thought about that in a year, two years down the road.

And again, it's nothing to be ashamed of or to fret a worry about.

It's like, oh, here's that thing.

Okay.

Well, is that something that I need to examine or look at?

If not, is it just a passing thought?

Okay.

I know where I'm at and I don't have the tools and again, getting confidence in yourself,

right?

Because you've, you've massed this time under your belt and it's, it's okay if something

comes up like that and we don't have to freak out about it.

Right.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Well, that's, this is, uh, Sherry, I want to just, I got one more question for you.

Yes.

And I've really enjoyed our conversation.

And if you could go back in time to any point in time and tell yourself that version of

you that needed to hear something from you, what would you tell her?

I would tell her they would, I would go back and I would go back and tell her that you

don't need to have sex to feel love.

You don't need to drown yourself in alcohol.

I would tell her that you're good, you're good and you're worthy.

And you know, I think in my case, I, it was just a lot of, you know, I think it was a

lot of daddy issues.

I, I, you know, I just, it was like always, it's just wanting.

I was just searching for, um, attention and love and affection.

And I just didn't know how to get that, you know, the right way.

So I would just, you know, say to try and like, I, I just don't know, like just immerse

yourself in, you know, healthy, like healthy outlets, um, and find healthy outlets instead

of like following the crowd and I don't know, I, you threw me with that one.

You really threw me with that one, um, I really wish that I would have had the confidence

in myself back then.

I really wish that I, you know, I wasn't so down on myself and I didn't think that I

didn't deserve good.

I didn't think that I, you know, I thought I just didn't deserve to have good things

or to feel happy or to be loved, you know, I just didn't, I, I didn't feel I deserved

it.

And like I did.

And I found out way, way late, you know, so I wish I would have found that out many,

many more years before that I do deserve it.

I deserve to be happy.

And I am.

Mm hmm.

Hey, that's, I love that.

You're good.

You're worthy.

You deserve good.

That's, yeah.

Absolutely.

How can you get better than that?

Right?

I love that.

Well, Sherry, thank you so much for the conversation today and for your time.

Really appreciate you being here.

Thank you so much.

This was really, really great for me.

And this is exactly what I needed at this point in my recovery.

So thank you.

Yeah.

Well, we're so glad.

So glad to have you on.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

And thank you, everybody, for your time and attention, for listening, and for tuning

in.

Stay curious.

Stay compassionate.

Much love.

See you all soon.

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