Lost & Found

0:00The title of this mini podcast is Lost and Found. When I was a kid, we were taught a little prayer to use whenever we lost something. It went something like this. Dear St. Anthony, come around. Something's lost and it can't be found. If you find it, please give it to me, and you will see how thankful I will be. Did it work? Yeah, quite often. Now whether St. Anthony actually found the missing object or simply got my brain looking in the right places, I couldn't tell you. But as I got older, I discovered something interesting. There's a simple way of talking to yourself that seems to do pretty much the same thing. It can help you find something you've misplaced. Remember something you forgot or even come up with a piece of information that seems to have disappeared from your memory. Our brains are pretty remarkable organs. And sometimes just changing the way we ask a question can change what the brain goes looking for.

1:00The wording I learned is very simple. I wonder how soon you'll remember. For example, I wonder how soon you'll remember the last time you had your car keys in your hand. Or, I wonder how quickly I'll find my blue sweater. Or, I wonder how soon I'll remember their name. Notice what happens with that wording. You're not telling your brain that you need to remember something. You're giving it something specific to search for, and you're adding a time frame. Compare that with, I can't find my blue sweater. Well, that's true. But it's not really a request to find the sweater. It's a statement about not finding it. I wonder how quickly I'll find my blue sweater gives your brain a different job. Now it has something to look for. And I've found that this little wording trick works for a lot more than lost keys and missing sweaters. Let's say you're trying to help somebody make a decision. You might say, gee, I wonder how soon you'll decide.

2:01You're not demanding an answer. You're simply putting an idea of deciding into the conversation. But I think this gets especially interesting when you're talking with someone who's having a difficult time with something. Maybe their health, their well-being, or a situation at work. For example, I think one of the least helpful questions you can ask someone who's in the hospital is this. How are you feeling? Because where does that question send their brain? Looking for how they're feeling. And if they're lying in a hospital bed, the search probably isn't going to produce a whole lot of good news. Instead, you might ask, I wonder how much better you're feeling today. Now you've given their brain a different search. Not how bad do I feel, but how much better do I feel? Same person, same hospital bed, different question. And consider a situation at work. Instead of asking, how's that situation at work going? You might ask, how much improvement have you seen with that situation at work?

3:03Again, you're directing the search. You're asking the brain to look for improvement instead of simply reviewing everything that's wrong. And that's really the idea I want to leave you with. Pay attention to what you're asking yourself and what you're asking other people to look for. Because the questions we ask can influence the search that follows. So put it to the test. Start inserting what you want yourself for someone else to search for into your questions. I wonder how soon. I wonder how quickly. I wonder how much better. You may be surprised what turns up. And maybe what I like most about this is, you leave people in a better place than you found them. I'm forever grateful to the Franciscan nuns who taught me that little prayer to St. Anthony. And I'm equally grateful to the people who came along later and discovered another way to turn lost into found. All the best, John.