Mark Normand 8.0

0:00Hi, it's Rick Glassman from this podcast. We'll get right to the show, but first I wanted to let you know that I'm on my stand-up comedy tour, Ricky's on the loose, and I'm in Dallas this weekend. And if you're in Washington, DC, Montreal, Quebec, Edinburgh, or London in the UK, Portland or Eugene in Oregon, Philadelphia, PA, or Houston, Texas. My tickets are for sale now at Rick Glassman.com. And if you want to be the first to be notified when I'm coming to your city because I'm adding dates as we speak, go to Rick Glassman.com slash tour, sign it from a email list, and I'll let you know. Hey, girls, get started without me. I'll be right there. Hurry up Rick, seriously. What are you doing? Please, I'll be right there. Now enjoy the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show.

1:19All that we always say crazy, but it's summer. People in New York, you're saying? Yes, my parents, X girlfriend, is that time of year where you get to see Albanese's thighs? Always a bummer. Yeah, you can see. Oh, boy, those are serious. Man, you play football. Yeah, you can tell. Look at that. Yeah, extra muscle. I've got the thighs of chili, boat, and yeah, there you go. Even better. You think what did you say? I'm pretty gold. The hers might be bigger. Good shirt. Thanks is my new merch. I love it. Well, if you want, you go to Rick Glassman.com and grab one. Use promo code boobs for 10% on. Okay. I was opening your head one laying around. Let me show me marks again. Yeah, that's good. We'll stay on mind for most of it. Don't worry about it, bud. Can you put some hair right here? Thank you. Gang, there's a reason that Blue Cho is a number one brand for snooze.

2:20Thank you. From the top. Gang, there's a reason that Blue Cho is the number one brand for better sex experience at yourself at bluecho.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. You get to third free with promo code TISO. That's promo code TISO. You are also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluecho.com for important details and safety information. We thank Blue Cho for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. Please episode is sponsored by the ASPCA's pet health insurance program. Wolf to explore coverage. Visit aspca petinsurance.com slash TISO. That's aspca petinsurance.com slash TISO again. That's aspca petinsurance.com slash TISO. I got one more thing. Oh my God. Fine. Go. Is this a bit? No. It's good to fuck out of here. No, go. No, I'm doing it. I want to do it. I'm doing it like this, but I want to do it. It'll be fun. I'm doing it without you. No.

3:27What you want to be here while I plug my dates? Yes. Why? Because you're the funniest guy in the world. And I would want to see you if I was out there. And I want to know your dates. Because maybe I'm going to bring Kevin on a surprise date. That was for his birthday to go see Rick Lassman, but now you're ruined it. Well, I'm going to be in your hometown. When you're going to be in Fatberg. You're going to be stupid town this weekend. I'm going to September 10 through 13th. I'm in Portland, Oregon and Eugene, Oregon. We are not from Portland, Oregon. God. I can't hear you. I don't have my headphones on, Rick. You want to play this fucking game? But September 17 through 19th. I'm going to be in Philadelphia. Fill it up. You piss. Slovenia downtown or center city center city. Let's go stand up October one through three Houston, Texas, October 15 through 17 to come Washington November 13 through 14th Salt Lake City Rick Lassman.com. I'm also adding new dates. If you want to find out when I'm coming to your city, your city, your city, your city. And sign up for my email list. And I got one question. I am every promo with this. Are you garbage? What?

4:29Mark Norman. Welcome back for your sixth. Yeah, I told you I felt like this one was too close to the last. Yeah. You told me a lot of things that you don't like though. No, the Jews. Wait. Oh, let's see if it's here with the dog away. Nah, he's cool at the fart. School of the Farts doesn't love anti-semitism, but I think he has he converted. No, no, no, no, he's too easy going. Oh, let me check the dick. Oh, no. Why what are you checking for? Circumcision or size circumcision? I mean, spade dogs and neuter dogs are more than circumcised. Oh, David's paid. Wait a minute. What does that mean? They did it got more than the forskine cutoff. They have their balls cut off. Oh, but the shaft is intact. Yeah. All right. So the forskine is it kind of like your act. You got to you got to you talk about your dick a lot, but you got no balls. Hey, count it. But yeah, that's a full lipstick. If I ever seen one, you're doing you're doing the what's it called again?

5:30What's your your thing where you go in front of like a certain group of people human trials. Yeah, it's cool. They thanks. Yeah, it was a hit out of the gate. Yeah, I watched the first one. I'm not remembering what it was. And then I watched the Asian's one Asian one. Oh, yeah, we did Gen Z girls and Asian businessman. You know, it's weird. After the Asian business man one, I feel like I wanted to watch it again 30 minutes later. I see what you're bad driving at. Okay. I feel like I don't know how far I could go with this, but I know it can. Oh, man, easy, Gillis. What do you think this is? Killis Asian. Kill Tony. No, he had a lead by not his, you know, he had a chicken his armor. He had that that whole fiasco with the S&L I know. Okay. I know he's funny though. He's great. I think as far as like I put him in the same like class generation as us. You know what I mean? I'm not talking about like the like the Eddie Peppetones and the

6:34red foxes. Oh, sure. But or the Mark Marin. I think he's my favorite like comedian. Really? Yeah, I don't know what favorite means. I don't know him. You don't know him. I mean, we've met each other. I don't really have friends. I could connect. Well, I like when he had like when his special came out, I'm like, it wasn't just, oh, I'm going to watch it because I want to watch stuff or like people that I know that you watch them. Like, I don't know him, but I'm still like, I really want to watch this and I was laughing out loud. Okay. He's a great comic. So good. And Matt McCuckster. McCuckster. McCuckster. MC. Let's see you SKER. However you said there. He's a good egg as well. I just podcasted with him and met him for the first time. Great guy. So they have they have this this bro energy that isn't. Yeah, there's an ease about him. And ease. They're both just cool calm and collected and great to chat with great talking to great hanging. Yeah. Although I think when I first met Gil, I wanted to get to know him. So I kept talking and he was like, I think I

7:40came on too strong. Cause I talked a lot and he's not a talker. Oh, well, then don't introduce me. Well, he's a talker, but he's not like a yapper. Then don't introduce me. You're not a yapper. It's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. This guy will. Yeah. He's a napper. Yeah. Push in. Look at what is he knows. He pushed in before I even said it. Yeah, I'm a fapper. Speaking of people I like, I'd like to give a shout out to the homeless Pimp who instincts for those of you who have watched at least a few episodes of this podcast since working with with you, I've now implemented shout out to McCone and shout out to Miranda. I've implemented the handheld in my on my day to day because of him. It's about time you were missing the handheld. I've been doing it for about a year now. Okay. We had the graphics, the animation, no handheld. The hand so I don't love a person in my place other than the people that are on camera. Sure. But like, oh, but the person that's here, like I'm like, oh, if it's a body, if it's like, you know, they can include them, you could look to them looking at the camera. It's really the camera person. Well, could I also give

8:42a homeless Pimp a shout out because he does two things that comedians, comedians love homeless Pimp, but he does two things that comedians hate and we've accepted it because we like him. Come on. The homeless Pimp name everybody hates it. Yeah, it's hard to say. We all feel stupid. But when I introduced in my same mic, it's like they know already. Yeah, exactly because you're a comedian. You can't, you can't call a man homeless Pimp. It's weird. It also sounds like it's your, it also it's like people think, oh, that's my joke on making. Oh, no, I got to call it. It's got homeless Pimp. Like when you tell a breeze to a silly name and it's like, I'm sorry, we're just trying to work here. Exactly. Because we like comedy. We like good comedy. So we have to do this with spout. It sucks. So, but it's all a testament to your likeability. And then the outfits are everything comedians are not. We want to kill ourselves. Just the getting going. Well, this is a light day for homo Pimp. This is cool to me. Oh, come on. Also, you also with the new, with the

9:45new, the new hair and the new great hair, great, great, be a bleep. It may I say that you're sober. Yeah, you can say sober. He just looks good. He doesn't, he kind of looks like a fighter. I told him. Yeah, you do look like a fighter. If he had tattoos and a little bit more attitude. Sure. Yeah, he's a very sweet man. But everything I'm saying is whole thing is against our, our norm here. And he pulls it off. I hear you. The homeless Pimp thing, the clothes I don't hear you on. Well, you're LA. You're a little different. Boy, my arms tired. Rick Glassman.com promo code boobs for 10% off. New shirts, folks. I want one. You know what else I do with my merch? I make sure of it fits in a way that isn't just it's like I want to wear this. Okay. My mark, that's why my clothes are a little bit expensive. Like for me, I don't, I don't upcharge the customer. I just don't make much. You're one of those guys. What do you mean? My shirts are 15 cents. I get a maid in Tahini. They probably look good. They're horrible. But the boy there for the common man.

10:46So I tell people at the end of my show because I sell merch now. I didn't use to. Welcome. And I bring Linouchi on the podcast with me. Let's free plug. We should date his podcast. I've done it. And he wanted to come in the road. I'm like, that'd be great. I would love to bring somebody but I don't move tickets like you. So I'm like, I don't want to bring it. It's cost of money. He's like, well, I'll sell merch for you. And that covers the cost. Oh, but I still now I know some people want to buy merch. They don't feel obligated, but I still feel like at the end of the show, he comes up to show merch. And I'm like, I feel so uncomfortable. So I say, listen, if anybody, I'm saying this now, if anybody wants anything and it's too expensive, name a price. If like you want to take something for free, take something for free. One thing, take whatever you want. Just know this. My margins are bad. So if you're just doing it because it's like free shirts, come on dude. But if you're like, you're poor. And you bought tickets to the show. And it's like, I want a shirt and take yourself a shirt. Wow. That is risky because people abuse. You know what, but sometimes people take a thing, but I'm fine. I really am. I'm truly fine.

11:49If you want something and you can't afford to take the thing, you're going to say, you bought a ticket. No, I'm going to say some comedy clubs employees. Oh, the staff. Now if a staff, if a staff wants something, if they want something, that's flattering to me. You see comedians all the time. You think there's a cool, you wear a ticket. But what I've noticed is some time, I did a show. I'm not going to even say how long ago in case they could figure out where it. But I walked that I came. I was walking the club the next day and one of somebody who I didn't even know, you know, you don't meet all the staff, especially after just one night. Yeah. He's wearing the shirt and I go, nice shirt. It's flattering. And he goes, oh, is this you? And I go, yeah, why are you wearing it if you don't know that's me? He goes, I don't know, he gave it to me. He pointed to another guy who I'm not like, oh, he's the employee. The employee took a shirt just to give to a body of his. That's how I am. And boy, are my arms tired. Oh, I'm tired from me. Punching this guy in the face, my arms are hurting. This guy overstepped. If you want the shirt and you're going to wear the shirt and you're a fan, you take it.

12:51Sure, but now you can't give it away. What do you call that? Is that an Indian giver? Is that something else? No, I think you're thinking red hot chili peppers. Is that red hot chili peppers? Was that an album? Give it away, give it away. That's not red hot chili peppers. That is it. Is it because I thought that was weird alianca Vic doing the Flintstone song. Wait a minute. Arnie Rubble, what a little wiener. Where's Wilma? Anybody seen her? Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner. I love guy. I have weird alianca. I met him. I met him at an opian ant three years ago and he couldn't have been nicer. He was on this show with a bunch of asshole meathead, you know, come guzzlers. And they're all like, I have pieces of shit home about. He was like, whoa, what is this? Because he's like a sweet guy with long hair and a mustache. And they're all zinging each other. And he was like, what about what did I want to get on? You a lot of people, and by the way, if you want to connect with them. Oh, thanks. Yeah. That's took me a second. I don't know if that was lint. I feel like you talk like that too, but you do it ironically. Yeah. I'm just

13:52fucking around. Those guys are serious. He is. Uh, uh, UHF was was probably my first, like when I had a favorite comedy, I think it was UHF. It was my first time I had a favorite comedy. Loved it. I mean, uh, the spatula city. Yeah. I love the company so much. I bought the whole thing. Rambo, when he got the bullet this day, I mean, uh, Kramer is great in that. Yeah. That was, that was Kramer. That character was probably was before Kramer. Good point. Pre-end word. I just had Jason Alexander on my podcast. No way. And he just had Weird Allen. We were talking about some of that stuff. Yeah. Whoa. It was cool, man. Wow. George. Yeah. And then we went to the Dally after. Whoa. Jason Alexander is at the Dally on that. And I'm gonna, I want him to do my podcast. I don't know if he's going to, but this might be like a cold open. I might just keep it down. Anyway, I'm sorry. I'm sure you get this all the time. Hardly. I just want to introduce

14:55myself. My name is Rick. I'm a comedian. I'm a big fan of. And I have a podcast and I was going to send you. I would love if I could have you on my podcast sometime. That's it. I'll leave you guys alone. Wow. Like what's your average view? It's actually I'm doing pretty well. It's average probably about 150,000, 200,000 views. I mean, it's like, uh, well, we were just about the go. But if you want to sit and talk about it, I'd love to hear more about it. I guess. Um, yeah. Actually, let me wash my hands. I'll be right back. Right. Okay. Okay. You actually just got to believe it. He's actually sitting. He's got a perfect way. Why don't you say, would you like to sit and have a seat? We is wrapping this thing. I don't know. He's got 150,000. What do we do? I'm driving seven hours to get home from here. I don't care if you have some lean. I've been being a car for four months back. No, what are you going to do? Either just in case.

15:55Another part by the way, we're shocked. Another guy with a pocket. Oh, hey, hey, wild man. Does he get stopped? Um, not in the dally. They know. They know. He knows. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah, that was a cool one. Wow. Jason Alex is between the two of us were Julia Louise Dreyfus and Michael Richards away from a reunion. Oh, I love Julia. That's my dream. Get. Yeah. Are you saying as a guest or as a wife? Guest. She's a little older. Smart. Can't have kids. But yeah, I like, I like them. I like them all. It's great, great cast. It's big, big Jewish cast. Is it? Oh, yeah. It's three of them. Not Michael Richards, huh? He's Michael Richards. Give that a goog. Okay. Goog. I thought you were doing another Shane Gillis. Yeah. Jason. Michael Richards, Jewish. It's such a curse because the show is the best show of all time. But then he's not Jewish. He was born in Culver City. Okay.

16:59That's how you Scottish descent. Oh, interesting. While his publicist wants to know that Richard feels a strong personal affinity and adherence towards Jewish philosophy due to having Jewish mentors, he does not have Jewish ancestry and is a never-ly, formerly converted. All right. Would you guys take him? Thank you. Yeah, I don't that's not really. That's not up to me. I feel like I don't, you know, I don't need pork, but I eat on plates that have pork on them. Yeah, they're good. I don't speak gay code. The, uh, Hasids. Yes. They have separate plates for meat and dairy and stuff. Oh, that's right. Then they bury their wife or something. Yeah. Yeah. You just know that because of curb, right? Yes. By the way, I saw the lady from the ski lift episode in the park yesterday. You were, you recognized her? Oh, I'm a huge curb nut. Did you say anything there? I said, hey, curb. What does she say? She maced me. Is that why you're? Yeah. My eyes are killing me. Take that off. If you don't mind. Uh, this is the mustache. Oh, okay. I'm, I'm, uh, yeah. You don't look like

18:03you with it. Oh, really? No. That looked like a Magnum PI. You look like me and my closer. Oh, yeah. You have a stash. Well, I wear a mustache sometimes in my act. Oh, you heard me? Oh, no. Could you not hear me? We only knew it was a matter of time. Yeah. No. Oh, shit. Leopold and lobe. I just don't know what Leopold and the other thing is to get it. But I love that was an ear, right? Yeah, but we said Leopold and lobe. Yeah, but I just, what's what's the non pun? What's Leopold? Oh, oh, that's a famous guy. I think he tried to kill the president. Leopold and lobe. Wait. Why lobe? No, Leop, Leopold and lobe. You give that a goog. Yeah. See if you do. I swear to God, it's a thing. Leopold and lobe. Leopold and lobe were two American murders who kidnapped and killed 14-year-old Bobby Franks in

19:07Chicago. Okay. Sorry. No, it's okay. Good. Paul. I thought it was a president. Leopold, I think is also a movie. Katelyn Leopold. Is that what it is? Because I know there's a Gavin DeGrasse song. I mean, people are just tuning out of this. I know. I know. Gavin DeGrasse song with a Leopold movie. Google just, you know, phone a friend. I'd like to call Google. Yeah, right. The Gavin DeGrasse song we're like the lookin' for is we belong together with Tristan and Isadal. We belong together. I don't know that one. Like the open season shores. Wow. I love Gavin DeGrasse. Man, were you a mouse cateer? Because you're talented. Thank you. You know, it was you, Ryan Gosling, Brittany Spears, Castinagulara, Timberlake, all mouse cateers. Yeah, I know. Very talented. The same place as you. Okay. Earth for this stuff came around. Well, Cleveland, though. That's the whole other world over there. Yeah. You're so not Cleveland. What's Cleveland? Drew Carey is Cleveland.

20:08So's the guy that did the movie about pimps. And he talks about math on Joe Rogan. Math on Joe Rogan. Who we're talking about? Oh, oh, oh, oh, Terence Howard. Yeah. It's hard out here for a homeless pimps. Mm hmm. Wait a minute. He's talking about Cleveland. Yeah, he's from Cleveland. Okay. He feels Cleveland, dude. And while we're talking about my stash is in big-ass teeth. Terence Howard. Wait, do you have, you have issues with your parents, right? Would you say that you guys have a family feud? No. Well, Steve Harvey does. And he's from Cleveland. Good answer. Steve Harvey's got one move. What's that? He goes, oh, what's something you put inside your wife's vagina? And then he guy goes, uh, dick and he goes, okay, well, I'm a bigger fan of Steve Harvey than you. Then the guy tries to talk and he holds them. Because he wants to keep his moment. That's his whole move. I don't know, man. I think he's great at it. I think he's great at it. I

21:09also loved, uh, he's got a stash. Kings of comedy. I love Kings of comedy. But, uh, you know, Bernie Mac, let's be honest. Cookies and shit. Yeah. He, he, he really dominoes the whole, the whole, all of them were great though. Yeah. Do you don't like DL Hugley? He's okay. He, I think he used to be fun. The entertainer. He's entertaining. Dude, Cetric, the entertainer with the, the bit with the cigarette on the lip while he was driving. Dude, classic. If you have one bit like that, you're good. It's kind of like Linsanity. He's, now he's, he's cemented as, right? You know, yeah, yeah. He's just hilarious. That's what I'm getting it. Yes. And he hates kill us. But he had a good run. Yeah. He, uh, he had that shink in the armor was the name of the, uh, New York Post headline because he was killing so hard at the nicks. And then they got, they got fired. I remember something like that. I didn't know if that was, I don't remember it being real or a sketch, but I remember hearing that

22:11true story. And the guy was like, it's a saying. It's a term. And they're like, we know what you were doing. That's, that's when it started. Yeah. That's when Walt culture started. I guess so. That was the Linsanity of Walt culture. Now, do the ladies dig the stash? Is that why you keeping it or what, what's the purpose? You know how, um, I'm going to answer your question within analogy. Please. I love analogy. A lot, a lot of women say they don't wear wake, make up straight women say they don't wear makeup for men. They wear it for themselves or other women. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Not that you need to be wearing it for men, but like that's part of it too. If you're, if you're wanting to attract a man, and you wear something, will you feel attractive? It's got to be at least subconsciously part of it. So I thought because though women love this mustache. Really? Yes. I'm not doing it for them. Ah, you're doing it for me. You're doing it for, doing it for the pod. I appreciate it. Well, you know, it's, I think women and men, we like things of the opposite sex that we can't do. A woman can't grow a stash like that.

23:11Oh, you've never dated a woman in Cleveland or Greek, but I'm just saying you know what I mean? A lady can't do that. So I think a woman's like, oh, he's definitely a guy. So you think that that men like to do things that women can't do in vice versa in an effort to let the opposite sex know that they are, in fact, the opposite sex. Yes. And I think the opposite sex enjoys it when when we see that. Is that why women love when men are funny? Oh, no, that's not really my point of view. Sometimes, snapper when a woman makes me laugh, which happens all the time. I am truly not somebody who subscribes. I'm so much so, I mean, some of my, some of the funniest people I know are women. Man, I'm tired of all the back pedaling. No, I'm being serious to tell a story. Okay. I just think it's ridiculous. So sometimes when

24:12a woman makes me laugh, a, a, like, Jordan Jensen makes me laugh. Very funny. Right. I still think it's funny to say, you're really funny for a, for a girl. That's funny. I, it's the same way I like to tell a girl to smile. I'm just like making fun of the people that do that thing. But it's, it's a, it's lost. I've noticed like, that is lost because, oh, they, it's such a real person. And they've hurt so many times. I think it's generational. I've thought about this a lot. Cause you know, people say you can't say anything in comedy anymore. But I'm like, no, I say everything. You can say everything. Shout up. As long as it's a joke, you can say it. But I do think audiences have lost the, the irony factor, you know, and it's not that they're more sensitive. They're queer. They're gay. There's just louder mean people out there. And they believe it. That's my theory. Well, maybe that's the internet. Maybe the internet has made more louder mean people because you see all those people now. Whereas you saw before you saw the people in front of you. Now you see the whole fucking world coming out. Oh, you're speaking as a comedian, seeing the audience. I'm speaking as a comedian. And in public too, I'll make jokes in public.

25:14And I can see people are like, whoa, I'm like, I'm joking. It's irony. I'm being ironic. And they're like, I don't know if you are. I think we're so programmed to get a gotcha from people or catch people in a certain way, problematic or whatever that we override the sarcasm or the irony and just go right to the gotcha. I believe your hypothesis. I don't know if I want to subscribe to it. You don't have to. That's just my theory. But if somebody I tested it, I do know that a lot of basketball players or anybody that really that terrorists, their ACL, they all, they are for irony. Have you noticed that? Well, I guess when you're watching, they have an iron nip. Oh, no. Never mind. Like the jizz on the throat got you. Haven't I your knee? Ah, yes, cavernic. Cabernacle. That's careful. Careful, shingles. It's an element. Nickel, please. Oh, I was talking about the noise you made on your knee.

26:14Oh, we got to stop referencing gillus with asian. I don't think he's going to love it. Um, gyrus shingurus. That was the last one. But yes, I'm joking. But people go, whoa, every every one of our podcasts is 30% of us doing this and 80% to 86.6% depending what you hear of 69ing. I think the last one is the first time we forgot to do it. So if we remember, I haven't showered at a couple days. Is that true? Yeah. I think showering is overrated. I do too, but a couple days in the heat. The heat is bad. The heat is bad. But that's not so because it sounds like it would be the heat is on. Yes. The heat is on. Which I was just say when I was broke with living with a bunch of guys and we'd go the heat is on because the heat was never on. We couldn't afford it. So if we turned it on, we'd sing. The heat is on. That's how broke we were. Look at you now. Now I got all the heat we want.

27:15So I am a heat. You talk about shower and oh yeah. I just I think it's overrated. I do too. Do you have an opinion on this? Mike. Show every day. It's great. Really? You watch that hair every day? I don't think watch your hair every day is good for you. I but that's a good head of hair. I don't shampoo every day. Okay. I do wet every shower. Well, you got a good glow in that hair. Thank you. That is a healthy head of hair. I also condition. I do condition pretty much every shower. I shampoo. I try to shampoo maybe two, three days a week. Wait, you condition without shower without sham? That's crazy. Shampoo's for the scalp conditioners for the hair. Whoa. I've never even thought to put conditioner in without shampoo. You ever seen Billy Madison? Shampoo is better. It cleans. But that's not even right. Yeah. Shampoo's for the scalp. Did you know that? Yeah. That is crazy. If I don't leave the house other than to walk the dog for a day or two, I won't shower. Same. What's the point? I look at showering like I look at washing my hands

28:15after a pee. I depends where I am and where I'm going. I love it. I don't do either. You never watch your hands after a pee? Rarely. I don't even hold my junk. I just kind of let it out. Yeah, just rested on this on this toilet, right? No. God no. That fucking toilet bowl has been through hell and back. I'm at an airport here in Cleveland. I mean at home. Oh, yeah. I rested on my good shoulder. It's at what point? You just, you know, joke, sir. Well, my dad did that when I was a kid. Yeah. And now you guys have a family feud. Good answer. Three X's. I wash my hands before a pee. Okay. Just for your dick sake, you don't want to ruin it? Yeah. I like that. Don't tape the dog. Sometimes I'll go to public bathroom and I'll wash my hands and I'll pee and no one is in there. I'm like, I can get out of here. I just did. But then someone someone who walks in and they see me pee. Now it is what it is. But if it's at a venue and they know who I am, oh, yeah, I will either wash my hands, but I feel like I'm lying. So I say I'm only washing my hands because you walked in.

29:19I love that. The honesty or I'll say, hey, I'm not washing my hands. I'm not. I don't wash my hands after every pee and they're going, I don't care. I'm just trying to take a quiz. But I feel like I have to acknowledge it. I see. I'm the same way. I do a lot of fake hand washing. Yeah, it's called hand wetting and my mom does that for real. I don't even wet it. Oh, you turn it on and so you just get your hand dirty or from the sink. Well, yeah, then I condition them. What do you do? You turn the water on and you go like this? Yeah, exactly. Which is the same. It's like when people go, look at that homeless lady carrying 13 bags of cans. Just get a job. But I'm with the homeless lady. What does that have to do with washing your hands? Well, because if I'm already getting the water on and doing this, I might as well wet them and dry them. Right. So then tell me the other so still make the connection. This is my analogy. So you know, you see the homeless Chinese lady with 17 bags of cans. Or homeless, you know, not Chinese. Well, they're the best at homelessness, I think Chinese. How so? Well, they got the most bags for what I can gather. Maybe they can gather. That's true. Hunter gatherer. You never hear

30:20about a gatherer, Biden. Okay. But just saying, the homeless lady, you know, you always see a homeless lady with a million bags of cans. And that's a lot of work. She's out in the sun sweating. Are you saying at that point at that point get a job is what people say, but I get the homeless lady. But maybe, maybe she can't. Maybe she can. But some people can because of AI. That's true. Asian intake. I was just talking about practice. Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about. No, you do that sometimes, but I could tell now. Alan Iverson. Yes. Analyzerian. Alan Iverson. You're talking practice. Okay. So I got it eventually. Yeah. Sorry. Took me a second. It's okay. I just don't want to leave you hanging. So I might fake it. Like my wife. Don't do that. All right. All right. Nobody do that anymore. I don't want to ruin the flow. We're calibrating everybody wrong. Hmm. Please elaborate. Sure. Do you want your audience laughing

31:21at jokes to be nice and you now thinking it works? No, for sure. No. Right. Do you want an audience member maybe not interrupting? But if there's some way of saying like, wait, I don't get it. If they all didn't get it. And they say, wait, I don't get it. You go, oh, because because they carry a lot of, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and now, oh, thanks for telling me painful. I don't want that at all. You want a woman to tell you a little than the left. Yes. Please give me instruction. Yeah. Back into the left. Yeah. Oh, well, or just a little to the left. It's back too far. Right. I'm not talking to you. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You're sober now, right? I am sober. Before you were sober, you needed some help, right? I did. I needed better help. And that's honestly where I started my talk therapy journey. What was it? Yeah. A lot of people, especially people like you that are in the manosphere. Believe that. Whoa. You guys are manosphere guys. What's a man? I'm an alpha. You know, you're like, yeah, that's not. No. This kind of shit. Yeah. Oh, the gym camp. Oh, so you're the Rick camp.

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35:36I never do because I'm always a blue chew man. Hey, be careful of my dog. Calvin. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Oh, God. He's AI. Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock knock knock. That's the sound of your bedpost when you use a blue chew. Oh, jokes on my jerk off standing up. I use it to wail on myself. Extra hard. Knock knock. Bonertown. There's a reason. Blue chew is the number one brand for better sex. Experience it yourself at blue chew dot com. And we got a special deal for our listeners. Right now we have two months of blue chew gold. It's a third free with promo code. Hi, cell. Max promo code. Hi, cell. You're also receiving additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. There's a blue chew dot com for important details and safety information. We thank blue chew for sponsoring the hot and the bedroom. This episode is sponsored by Revolve Man. You've probably heard of Revolve Women if you're a woman probably because it's a hot shopping network. I know. I mean, before Revolve Men even came to me, I didn't know that they did men's clothes. I knew of this app. I know people that use it. Yeah, wow. They do do men's clothes.

36:38Yeah. And I've been buying stuff on it. So when I first found out about it, I used it just to like to better understand how it works. But now like it's kind of a thing I go to. I like clothes. I got into clothes a couple of years ago. There's certain brands I like Revolve gets new stuff all the time. You could say it's constantly changing like and adding to their inventory free two-day shipping. I've been ordering stuff from them where like, oh, I like this. I don't like this where the idea is almost like trying it on. So like I don't feel bad if I'm ordering stuff just to try on a John Michael. Who is the Revolve Man? Think of it as a place guys who care about how they look go to shop. It's pretty simple. So if you're looking for something to wear for a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, believe me Revolve Man has it. Go to Revolve.com slash Tisoto shop and use code Tisoto for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, which is awesome, easier returns, awesome. You just try stuff on. It just

37:38makes everything easier. That's Revolve.com slash Tisoto and use code Tisoto for 15% off your entire order. Offer and soon do not sleep on it. Now let me ask you this there, fatty. Speaking of fake laughing. So I've been doing these weekends on the road. I'm trying to build a new hour. I put out a special. So now I'm back to the beginning stages again. Most jokes in the first 10 minutes than any special I've ever seen in a good way. Oh, thanks. I'll take it. But I'm working on the new. So you're trying stuff. You got the notebook. You're throwing it against the wall. Right. Gossley. We talked about it earlier. No, okay. So you're working it out. And I've noticed with about every weekend I do about five or six shows. And I'm killing with like five or four or five of them. But then there's always one show where I bomb. And I'm like, huh, what's that about? I'm noticing a pattern. Not bomb, but it's a struggle. So then I'm like, why am I killing for four shows and then bombing the one? Is it always a random show or is it always a certain

38:38like it's actually usually the last show than the weekend. Okay. And I'm doing great. And then the last show, it's not great. And I'm fighting and clawing my way to the end. So I go, what does a pattern here? What is this? And this is the thing with comedy. I think you got to you got to assess. You know, some kind of bomb. They get off stage like I'm the shit. You got to you got to be realistic. I don't know if I didn't know that, but there's a lot of that out there. So just saying, I wonder why that last show I'm bombing it. Then I'm like, are the other guys faking it? The other four shows? Is that all fake? That's where my head goes. Do you feel just as funny on that last show, but you're not receiving it? Or do you also feel like it's not as funny? No, I feel like I'm doing the same as the other shows and they're giving me less. How many times has that happened? Three or four times. Is that happened before this round after this special? It would happen, but randomly like, oh, that weekend had not always the last one and not a couple weekends in a row.

39:41May I make a suggestion? Sure. Maybe you're doing too much stand up. You're getting a little older. Sure. You're able to find it faster. Sure. Maybe you're just, you did it already. You did the weekend. You don't think? No, no, no, no. You think that's crazy? I don't think that's the answer. Getting doing too much stand up. What else am I going to do? UPS? Wait, lifters. Don't lift weights seven days a week. I see. I take a day off. I think Sunday off. Wait, lifters. I'm speaking as somebody who used to be in shape. Don't work out six days a week. Your arms would be tired. Get a shirt. They're very expensive. Do you know why they're tired? Because they've been working out and they need to sleep. They need to relax. Also, you and I are probably opposite schools of thought on what I'm about to say. You have so many specials out and people love your comedy. People don't even know I do stand up. Take it for what

40:42it's worth. I didn't know you did stand up. I've never been somebody who subscribed to needing to get, especially when you're first coming up. Everyone's like, you got to get up on stage every night. Yeah. You got to do it all the time. I see the value in it. I was always somebody who wanted to get three maybe four times a week. That's enough. When I on the road, I now do five shows, sometimes four. When I'm back into town, if I'm doing shows the next weekend again, I don't want to do any shows over those next three, four days. That's not just a challenge. I got my parties. I have the same thing. Because I see the value in doing it all the time. My biggest strength is a comedian. I think this is a big strength for all comedians who are good is being able to be present. I want to be in the audience with you. I want to be in the audience with you while I'm performing. I want to enjoy when I'm doing. If I'm trying new stuff all the time, great. Great. But if I'm working on an hour, let me chill. I don't want to do it tonight. Then don't.

41:49I think there's an addictive quality to wanting to do it. Do you want to do it because you feel like you're supposed to? Do you want to do it because if you don't do it, you feel bad? Do you want to do it because of the high you get from the audience? Or do you want to do it because you're really trying to work on something? I believe you do that. I watch your other show, the Patia stage. Your stuff is awesome. I love it. I'm so attracted to people who create stuff. That's the thing. You tell me to take a break. I'm trying to create. I'm not telling you to take a break. I'm making a suggestion. Have you tried that? Because the thing is, taking a break doesn't mean doing nothing. Well, sometimes it is. But like you're also doing all these videos and all these things. I think you need to charge. I need to charge the battery. Uh-huh. Okay. Well, I've heard this before from a lot of people. I enjoy staying up and I like to tinker. And every set I do, I get to work on a new joke or a new line or angle. So it's not, I don't know if it's an addiction. Maybe I am addicted. But you know, you are really? Dude, yes. Uh, you know, yes. You have, you have OCD,

42:53right? You have at least obsessive, just you're at least obsessive. Maybe. I've never gotten checked. Well, the need for wordplay and association and gay. As far as comedy, like there's something going on with you the way you're wired, right? Okay. There's things you need to, you need to stimulate yourself in a certain way. Yeah. So I don't know if it's an addiction as much as it's a need. All right. Should I pay for this therapy session? This is an therapy session, dude. This is a friend telling another friend. You're not funny anymore. And you need to do less comedy. Oh, no, that's not big. It's big as fear. Jesus Christ. Just scared the hell out of me here. Did you think idea of that was serious? That last line? No, it just, I know you're joking, but you know, it's still scary, scary to hear the thing you're scared of. And I thought that's what you're saying for a second. We have so much in common as far as frequency and comedy. Yeah. Not necessarily point of view, but like the way we like to express and do. Yes. But like so much different on what we worry about and don't worry about. Yeah. Very true. We

44:00were a little yin and yangy again. Same. That's a big fan. But I don't even know what you met. Oh, Andrew Yang. But Lin and Yang. But we're a little yin and yangy, but also so similar. So I think that's why we're fun. Because we did the episode of Niskey. You said like, you know, where he said he's going to leave here and he's going to be so worried. And then you said, not me, it's done. But then later he said, I'm going to be worried. I don't know when or why you worry. Yeah. I guess that's a good point. Well, you worry it was hopefully it was entertaining, because I throw this whole episode. I'm like, is this anything? Are we getting anything? Yeah. Do you always feel that way? Is that just with me? Always. Always. Sometimes you're cooking. You're like, this is something you could feel it in the moment. But this most episodes and most comedy shows, I'm like, they hate me. I suck. I got to step it up. You got off stage. You feel that way? Unless it's like lights out. Well, you're saying the first, you know, three or four shows are always really great. And then the last one's not. Yeah. So you don't worry those first

45:05three or four shows. Not really. No. But now I'm worried because I'm like, are they faking it? And the last show might be genuine. That's my fear. Right. How do you think they got together to decide to fake it for the first few? I think maybe those are the die hards. This is my theory. All the die hards come out. They buy tickets to the show is boom, boom, boom. They scoop up. And they buy and when people buy, well, they're a big fan. I bet I buy the Thursday first and when they're off the Friday, you think the die hards, if they could come to any show that weekend, they're picking the earlier one because they can't wait as opposed to the one that makes the most sense for the schedule. Well, I think the late show Saturday, which is the show I'm talking about, that I always struggle on is a lot of people like, we'll get a few drinks and we'll go to see this asshole. Got it. So I think it's like randos in the crowd. But then you say, okay, who cares about randos? I should be able to make randos laugh too. Right. So then you start to think, as other guys are just fans, they want to be supportive. They don't want to let me bomb, which is nice,

46:06but not conducive for the arts. I think it's more realistic that you're that you're a little comedically exhausted. I hope you're right. It's like that scene in the department where where the therapist, the hot lady, whatever her name is, she goes, why is the last client of the day always such a hassle? And he goes, because you're tired and you don't give a shit, it's not super natural. Maybe I just answer my own. Yeah, maybe. All right. Also, for me, late shows, I get stoned for. Whoa. That is risky. You're one of these guys that uses the audience. It's like it's a some canvas. I can't do that. I think babysitter paid a ticket price parked. I think all of them hate me immediately. So, so I don't talk about stand up that much on the pod. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, with you, I do often. And I like that. Apparently. What's that? I'm addicted. Yeah, also like we tap into a similar, we're so similar with such strong, such different points of

47:10view. I like it's exciting for me. Yeah. And I had a conversation with my editor, John Michael, recently about this. How much the art and the business, they're not mutually exclusive. No. But when they can cannibalize each other and not in a bad way, not like, you know, the purists are just doing it for the art and the hacks like, oh, you're such a bit like there's there's need for both. And the point of view of they got a babysitter. This is this is not for you to go up there and do whatever like you have. I do believe when when I when people are coming to buying tickets to see me, not just I'm on the show. I there is a responsibility. And that's the business. Yes, yes. I get that exists. I I truly believe I am good enough at this. Okay. That whatever I do is not going to make these people be like, we wasted our money and our time.

48:12Wow. This is a big yearning Yang. I can have a great set of like, I wasted the fuck out of their time. It might have not been the best version of you that they saw. Sure. But dude, every one of our peers and friends, every one of them, if we've been if you've been doing this for at least 10 years, if not 15 years, yeah. And you're still doing this. Yeah. You better be good enough to wear. It's it's agreed. Yeah, it was fine. I go to a movie. It wasn't the best movie. It was fun to go to a movie. Yeah, but people go, oh, that movie fucking sucked. That happens all the time. And they walk out and they throw their popcorn on the ground. They hit their wife. That happens. Damn. I don't know, man. I don't know if it does. Okay. I mean, you never walked out of a movie. When you walk out of a movie, you get your money back. If you stay to the end of the movie, it was good enough. I mean, you go up. Yes. I never did. You a fucking heave. Never thought about that. Yeah. I think if you leave before the end of the first act, you should absolutely go get your money back. I don't know. That's

49:12subjective. Sure. So is they everybody was just trying to make me feel good in line in the end. They just say we're like, oh, they're they're I'm saying from a business aspect. You can't go off and get your money back because you didn't enjoy the film. Shindler's list is a great movie. If I went out as a bunch of Jew hate and holocaust, I'm walking out of here. Give my money back. There's more Jew hate and you saying that I'm a Jew for getting my money back after leaving after the first 30 minutes. And then there is walking out of Shindler's list because you didn't think it was funny enough. I thought it was hilarious. I thought it was the comedy of the year. But you see what I'm saying? You can't have an opinion about a movie. That's a great movie. Just agree and get your money back. That doesn't make sense. So first of all, I haven't I've walked out of four movies ever. All right. Let's hear it. Also, I won't because I don't want to because it's hard to make a movie. Okay. I agree. I had done it before. The last I don't remember the last one I did. I didn't I'm able to afford not I don't I don't but I wouldn't be against it.

50:14What about like is one of them diarrhea or something like that? Like is that one of the reason you walked out? Are we talking? I walked out because I hate this movie. Okay. Wow. See that's strong. I think you're within your right. Did you get your money back? Excuse me. I didn't ask for any money back. Okay. Try to remember because I'm actually a member of two movies I walked the last two I didn't. Whoa. One of them was last was this year. Whoa. One of them was 2022 or 2023. Mm. And the one before that I have actually friends with the director. Whoa. Mama. Lagonia. No, it was way before that. All right. All right. Way too long trying to forget the smell. Okay. The point is like if I don't like a meal, right? And if I order something and I don't like it and I don't like it because I ordered the wrong thing. Yeah. I'm not going to I'm just no, it's okay. Thank you so much. Is there anything? I can it's okay. Thank you. I ordered the wrong thing. I want to try something. If I order something and it's I've eaten this either here before I've had this dish before and it's as bad.

51:16I will say, Hey, this is this is no good. Whoa. That I get that I get more than the movie. Same thing. I've had movies before. If this is fucking trash, I would like like another ticket to see another one. One is an art and one is a is a food. It's a that is so disrespectful. We call that it's a solid. It's it's a it's a product. You're saying tangible. Tangible. Thank you. A movie is not tangible. You don't think. You don't think chefs are artists. No. I disagree. I mean, some are if you go to the five star, all comedians artists. Yeah. They're they're attempting art. Yes, which makes them an artist. Yes. But art you want to consume sometimes same with food. Well, I'm saying that not all chef is a big worse. Artists is a big word for from food because if the guy it's Chipotle, is he an artist? Same with artists. Some people. The people at Chipotle know disrespect to them. They might be artists, but the thing the art that they're making at that

52:16moment is somebody else's art. They're just doing an impression. It's a conveyor belt. It's an assembly line. Yeah. As is if you have somebody going up and just doing, I'm like, I'm I'm like, you know, I'm like, you're doing my act. You know, no disrespect. No, I was doing it. If they do a Ronnie Dangerfield impression, but he's an artist. Yes. And the and and the people that created the the barbacoa bowl. Yeah. Was an artist. And you have somebody else doing somebody else's act. All right. All right. Okay. Okay. So they're all hacks. Their their job is the job is hack. But it's supposed to be. And it's still good based on your noise. It's very good. I love Chipotle. I don't think it's a hack. It's not a great analogy, but it works as far as like the intention behind it. I think that I think some cooks are following a recipe and moving on. I think so are some comics. Okay. That's what I'm getting that. I like that. And if it's no good, if you want to walk out of my show, I sometimes I'm sometimes I'm doing a set. And I'm think and like I'm like, I think I'm being so funny. But I also know I very much might not be. Yeah.

53:19I'm aware of both of these things. And what I say is if anybody wants to leave, I want to give everyone you permission right now. And also if the club I'm telling the club right now, I don't know if you guys don't do this, take it out of my cut. If you want your money back, but you have to leave it in the next 10 minutes. Whoa. And then if they don't, we're all on the same page. Here you go, but not a great sign for the act. If you're giving them this clause out of the gate, they'd never left. Okay. It's also part of the like fun. It's also part of like acknowledging the insecurity in a playful way. Yes. Like if you're having sex with somebody and like and if you're if you're not present and you're just doing it anyway versus saying, listen, if you want to have sex, if you want to stop having sex with me now, but like fine, but like if we're going to keep having sex, I want to be like, because you want to be having sex. So like, you know what I mean? It's like that. Yeah. I've definitely had some walkouts. And I had to pay the money back. But yeah. I hear you. Okay. When you say like that, but you are a different, because you were talking chef comic, you're an artist. You're not? No, no,

54:23I'm saying we are, but I'm saying I hate the term, by the way. We sound so pretentious. Sam said the same thing. And now I've referenced this on my podcast and we're starting. How? Artists just sound so grandiose. Yeah. But I artist. I got a lot of mustache and a and a director. You talk to the wrong guy. That's true. That's a big mustache. That's a gene challenge. We're referring to yourself as an artist. Does it mean you're referring to yourself as better than anybody else? But it's just one of those. It's got the words got some weight to it. Yeah. Because because dedicating your life to expressing yourself in a way that you want to connect to people with has some weight to it. I mean, it is. I'm not saying it's, it's more important than anything else. Yeah. Yeah. But it is to me. I know. I'm with you. We are artists. You just wince a little at the phrase because we're in the opposite of that. We're comedian. We're in the back of the room, eating popcorn, calling that guy a quave. I'm not doing either of those things. You are. You just don't admit it. I'm not eating popcorn. I'm not calling a quave.

55:23You're one of us. Bitch. I'm not eating popcorn. But I will say this. The person who made me that popcorn when I am eating it. Artist. They're following a recipe. It's out of a bag. They put fake butter on it. Yeah. But Orinville by the box. My dick to the box. Who invented popcorn? Orinville wedding bocker. What are you drinking? Orville red and bocker. I don't know if you invented it. But he's old. Was he also part of the nicks? What didn't they like start a thing? That's nicker bocker. Yeah, but didn't they separated? Yeah. Do I just assume your personality or have I heard you make a slur joke about the nicker bockers? Who hasn't? But when Santino does me, he goes, that's what I've heard. That's what I've heard. Nika. Uh oh. Watch out. Whatever. It goes a little more dentist Miller, but it's very good. Yeah. He's a talented ginger that guy. He and his voices and his impressions. Do you know Amir Kay? Yeah. Him too. Great head of hair. Do you? Yeah. He has a joke that is such a throwaway

56:25joke. And I whenever I he used to do it years ago. I don't know if he still does it. But I always ask him, are you growing your house? Did you you got a movie or something? And he goes, yeah, yeah, actually, I'm growing hair from a movie. I'm watching Godfather three. Hey, that's fun. Yeah. It's a little throwaway. But I love I love a wordplay energy. I love that too. The two of them, they are their voices are a superpower to me where I like like like I'm I'll be in like when when we're doing a podcast or anything, I'm in the I'll be in the audience. I'm just like, yeah, it's crazy. It's great. It's great. Yeah. You feel like a like a little kid. You're like, how do you do that? I couldn't possibly do that. I know. It's a weird thing that humans love is mimicry. We just we eat it up. Yeah. What did your potlay artist? But yeah, it's it's true. You know, we just want to we want to watch because we go, you still like that guy. Oh my God. How'd you do that? It's fun. I feel the way with singers too when I'm in for like when I'm watching live music. Like how are you doing this? Saying doesn't do it for me.

57:29It's the control of the to me. It's a control of like something coming out of you that isn't just talking. I see. Okay. Well, they say anyone could sing. It's could be taught. Yeah. Anyone could do anything but they can't be great at it. No, I don't think anyone could do anything. Some things are innate. Not anybody could do anything but barring some type of obstacle that somebody has. Not anybody could be that water that is dripped on me from late earlier. Not anybody could be the hilarious, but anybody could be funny. I guess as much as anybody could sing in my opinion. Yeah, but you could stumble on a funny thing on accident. But fact, I falls down the stairs on roller skates. That's hilarious. And funny, but was he trying to be funny? Well, say, you could hit a you could hit a note in the shower sometimes, but could you do it consistently? If you practice, yes. And if you practice falling down the stairs, yes. But in order to practice, you have to be doing it intentionally on purpose. Okay. Okay. Okay. I don't want to fight with you anymore. No, no, this is this is debate. Healthy debate. I would love if you have an opinion in the

58:30commute in the comics of in the comments. If you take two, you take this person that is equally not funny as this person is equally not good at singing. Yes. But they like they laugh at things. They know they they're able to laugh at things that I think are funny and they have taste in music when they sing. They don't think that they're on key. Yeah. They know that they're not this isn't funny. Oh, this doesn't sound great. They have to be a little bit of aware of what comedy and music is. Perfect. Do you think that the comedian or the singer either one of them are able like it's easier to become a better singer than it is to be funny. It's your unable to singer for sure. Because funny has to come out of nowhere. But if you're aware of it, if you're aware of it, yes, but you still have to make something out of nothing. If you're standing on stage, you got to find a way to be funny with just you. You're talking about stand up comedy. I'm talking about being funny. Okay. Okay. Anyway, you know what? Because singing also there's there's an arc to the performance of it all. But you can sing a little Victoria Esteban with her day. Let me

59:32hear. Gloria Esteban. I can't exactly. But I could learn. Okay. You can't learn to fall down. You're crazy. I've told you you could you could figure out some shit on accident. But singing I can get his notes, those instructions. I can be able to do something. Your body, your a lot of people could jump. Not everybody could jump very high. Agreed. It's genetic. It's in your that you could learn to jump better. You can learn to jump better. You can learn to sing better. You can learn to sing better. You can't become Gloria Esteban. I think it's Estevan. I thought it was Estevan's maybe right. The Ovans. Do you have an opinion on this? I think it's probably pretty equal to be pretty equal. I'm saying I could become a great singer in a year. Oh my god. But in a year you found your next YouTube series. I'm not saying Victoria Esteban, but I'm saying I could be a passable singer in a church choir. Okay. And then give some guy some comedy lessons,

1:00:36whatever those are. And tell him to put them in the second city. And we'll see how he fairs. I would love to I would love to do this as a doc. I would love to do this. We'll get two hobos. No, what you do is you get a really funny comedian and a really talented singer. And then you take three months and you see, you know, I like it. Yeah. Yes. Like American anal. You have John Mayer doing stand up and you have Mark Norman singing, but your body's a wonderland. John Mayer tried stand up and stunk failed. Yeah. You know what? John Mayer is funnier than you could sing my body as a wonderland today. That's true. Right. But give me some lessons. Let me ask him. Oh god. Oh, thank God. I thought you knew him. He dabbles in the world of comedy. So I thought you might have to be honest with you. You know, you've interacted. I have, uh, uh, we follow each other.

1:01:39Whoa. I had a bit that I wanted to do that would be so funny that I want to don't want to say on here in case we could ever do it. Oh boy. And I asked him and it wasn't a no. It was I can't right now. That's something. I have a couple of I want to but I can't right now is that are like, whoa. You like some like really cool ones. Oh, that's exciting. But like you're in the conversation. You're in the conversation. Sure. Sure. Wow. It's so high school that part of it. I know. And I don't I don't I don't, uh, I'm not ashamed of it anymore as I as I used to be. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that's the business side of it. Of course. That's why celebrity are they've definitely gone down a peg. I know you like getting pegged. But they'll never go away because it's still that high school thing. What do you mean celebrity is going down? I don't know what you're saying. I think celebrity status has gone down. Uh, celebrity is to be a celebrity. Yeah. Because of the access. You could see the access and a couple other things. They did the imagined video and stuff like that. Like these aren't on social media. They still have something. Agreed. It's a little bit. Yeah. Brad Pitt has something Tom Cruise has something.

1:02:41Harold isn't a social media smart smart. I think you'd ever do if you're able to make a living without it. Yes, which they can. Like a Malaney. I think it's such a good comic. He doesn't have, he's not posting clips every week. Like the rest of us losers. You know, I don't post clips. I see clips all the time. I've posted the only, pretty much the only clips I post are when I'm like podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a clip. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that only post if it's like an improv show on making fun of the format or something. I get scared of posting my standup until it's the watch the special. I like that. Watch the special and I'm almost I'm almost I'm almost there. I can't wait. My first special. I'm so excited. I for the first time ever. I'm like, I'm I got a great act. Great. I got a great act. I hope I see the non high version. Yeah, I don't do the I don't get really stone for for the special. Although when I like about the high version is I just did it

1:03:45I know what I want to work on and I let me try and work on it in a little bit different mindset. Just so I could I like that and then I do things when I'm stoned that I'm like, all right, let me try that when I'm not stoned. Got it. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, because stone will get you play. I take edibles at night to sleep, but sometimes I don't fall asleep. I just catch the high which I hate. I had happened last that. I had like a meltdown in bed. My wife's laying next to me. I got one hand on her ass, the other hand on my dick and I had like a panic attack. It was a bad. I was just staring at the ceiling. People my childhood and my dad and things, dumb things I've said and done and oh, it was hell. Because you were high. Yeah. Did you take too much? I guess I did. Well, you know, I had to take it one in a while and I was like, yeah, I want to get a good sleep tonight. How many milligrams? 10, but I'm a lightweight. I'm a lightweight. Let me tell you something. You'd be shocked at how much 2.5 get actually work. I believe it. I believe it because that 10 put me on my ass and I was having some horrific thought. My brain goes sideways on weed.

1:04:47I realized alcohol is a vice. Oh, man, that's a lot of agua. I'm gonna go fill it up. Hey, can you grab me one? Yeah. Thanks. Should I just talk? Are we cutting? Oh, geez. Well, booze is a vice of mine. Like Mike, you got a vice? I just gave up booze and weed. Oh, good for you. You gave a weed too. Boring. I like being bored now. Well, good for you. They asked AI what's something we're missing with all this technology and the AI even said the ability to be bored. When you're bored, you process your thoughts. Yeah, you think about your memories. You think about it creating ideas and all this shit. We've lost all that. Is every board, every second of board, and we grabbed that screen. It's horrible for you. You got to make an addiction. Whoa, that's genius. Good call there, pimpi. But booze is such a dangerous vice because while you're,

1:05:51let's say your vice is screens or sugar while you're eating a piece of cake and watching your 38th reel, you're going, what am I doing? I got to cut this out. But when you're hammered, you're not thinking, I got to sober up. You're like, give me more booze because booze fucks with your judgment. At least when you're eating 38 cookies, you're like, I've had 38 cookies. I got to cool it. But booze, you'll never think that because you're too fucking hammered. Sorry, man. Say it all again. We'll send you the clip. I don't really post those. Alvin. Hey, there you go. Thugs are good egg. Go ahead. You finished what you said. Well, he's saying he's addicted to boredom, which I think is genius. Congratulations. Because then you get to think. You get to think. Yeah. You're off the screen. So you pick up your phone and you go fuck that up, addicted to boredom. You're addicted to boredom or you're trying to be boredom. Yeah, I tried to do it. I tried to do it sometimes. When I notice on board, that is kind of like a light to like,

1:06:54okay, okay, it be a human. That's the hardest thing for people to do. You know that old study where they put a guy in a room alone with a buzzer and the buzzer will shock you and it hurts. Oh, but you do it anyway. But you do it anyway because you'd rather feel pain than be bored. That's why people go to your show. At least the last one. And then they get their money back. Yes. That's why I put a buzzer at the show. So when they're bored, they hit the buzzer. But you don't know. You just fear. I used to see everyone. Yeah. Like, all right. What is it? I'm killing. They're all just going, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Do you feel like your new hour is at a place now where people are where you feel like, all right, like I want people to see this. Now, no, not even close. When I say people to see this, I don't mean ready to put it out. I mean, like, when you do a show, I was, I remember Sam told me, or I saw Sam do a say this on something.

1:07:58Like when he's starting his new hour, he's like, embarrassed. Like, I'm sorry, I'm just like, this is the process. But like, I don't have not, this isn't going to be great. Wow. I don't have that. I'm faking it the whole time. Well, no, he's not saying that on stage. Oh, okay. I'm saying that feeling of like, uh, yeah, of course. So we're feeling, but you, but you say the first few shows you're killing. Do you, so do you not, do you feel that way still? Well, it's come a long way since I don't know February or whatever. But it's not where I want it to be. Silent felt talks about having a good hour. He's feeling you walking on a gun fight with the band of leros on, you know, all the bullets. I feel like I have two bullets and I'm like, I got to make it work. But you know, it's crazy. I feel like I'm watching too much TV lately. So I kind of did a homeless pimping said, how can I shift this into something productive? So you're watching more movies. I'm watching more documentaries about history. And what's cool is like Tony soprano. Yeah. What? He likes watching like, oh, okay. So yeah,

1:08:59I pretended and then I said, I'm going to come clean. Great. All right. I'm learning. As long as you get your blood work. Yeah. Coming clean. Oh, God, it got it. Let's hope. So, I'm a, I'm watching Netflix put out Teddy Roosevelt, Ulysses S Grant, Washington, Jefferson, and FDR documentaries. And I'm blazing through all of them. And I'm loving it. Where have you learned? Well, you know, it's cool about these guys because my wife hates this shit. She wants to watch reality TV and true crime. And I had what's the difference? That's what I said. It's reality and people are dying. She didn't catch on to that. I'm like, I'm watching a Hitler doc. She's like, this is so boring. Give me some, some hot tub action. I want to grind a girl fooling around. I'm like, this guy's on meth trying to kill a whole race. That's that's spicier than a hot tub makeup. She didn't buy it. But they might run a train. Okay. But my point is what's crazy about these guys when you start watching history is you realize

1:10:01George Washington is fighting the entire British Navy with a couple of farmers and some muskets. That's just a regular guy. And then say he's just a dude. There we look at him as this dude is what he's accomplished. Oh, he's on the $1 bill. I've put them in a stripper's panties, but he's a fucking just some punk. You know, I have had that thought where I think everybody has when you get to an agent, you realize that your parents are just people. Hmm. It's like, oh, that's just he's my that's just a guy. Yeah. He was like, that's a guy. Yet I just know him is my dad. Right. You know, but he's the guy who's trying to do things with a bunch of farmers and he's he's he's yelling at you. I think walks up here as he goes, was I okay? It was a bad night out of him or touched him. Yeah. So that that is the thing. These are just why they call that's why they say these guys are our founding fathers. Oh, I like it. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. They all it sleeves and all that. But yeah, they're just regular old Joe.

1:11:03Well, at what point are you not regular? Is it based on your accomplishments or potential? Good point. And we don't look at them as regular because of how we've learned who they might have been. But yeah, especially when he's first starting like deciding like, yeah, he's just like, but but also like, I don't think a regular guy could get that many people to follow them. Okay. So you think he had he had some ribs? I think he had to have some ribs. He had to have ribs. But what a crazy thing. Thank God he was here to fight that and have all that risen fight the Brits. Are we wouldn't be here? And I'm not trying to get all patriotic and cleafie for the fourth. I'm just saying you start watching this. The edible kicks in. You go, this is some fucking nerd. Yeah. Who cared about his country is wearing a wig. That's what they did back then. They wore wigs. Yeah. Like Jewish women. Do Jewish women wore wigs? I know they wear headpieces. What are you getting? I do. Have you been to Williamsburg? It's a goddamn weave factory out there.

1:12:06Yeah, I know they wear like head things. I just didn't realize that was still a thing. It's one of my, uh, I Jews and blacks have a little bit of a friction. And I'm like, you guys have a lot in common. They have friction. Jews and black people. I did not know that. Where did you go to high school? It's very Jewish black high school. Really? Yeah. Well, then did the race ride some crown heights? I don't know about them. That had to do with the Jews against the blacks. Yeah. It's a crazy story. A black kid got hurt. I think he fell down and broke his leg and they took him to the Jewish hospital and they said Jews only dickless. So then they started riding. I don't know about that. That's horrible. Which the idea of Jewish and black people riding is so hilarious. So like the Jews thought they would make a dent. I mean, I tell you something. You're talking to the wrong guy because every time we step on a basketball court, I'm like, I got this. Oh shit. Michael Jordanberg. They both have issues with dairy. Is that right? Yeah. And the Asians. I don't know if Asian people

1:13:10have issues with dairy, but there is very little dairy in their cuisine. That's true. I don't think you would do that if you didn't have issue. I looked this up or I did a little you watched a doc on it. Now I do a little information gathering where I noticed the only cheese in Asian food is crab ring. Goon. There's actually another. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Lay it on me, fatty. It's within. You see Thai cheese. I like it. You're back, baby. He's an artist. But also I didn't really take in what you said. What did you say about the cheese? Is what? Crab ring goon. Crab ring goon is the only dairy I found in Asian food. Well, they do mochi. Ice cream. Oh, okay. I guess I'm gonna make more Americanized. Yeah. Maybe crab ring goon is. Yeah. I feel like probably a lot of it is. Because like when I put like as I have Chinese friends, and when I say Chinese friends, I mean that they are from China. Whoa. Yeah. I'm Brian. Trying to get out there. Adopt them. No, no, no, no. And they are very quick to let you know

1:14:15that American Chinese food is not like what Chinese food is. And I'm quick to let them know. I believe you and I want the American Chinese food. You better believe it, fatty. Bring on the sweets and the salts and the brown sauce. Yeah. I'm not a very authentic. Exploratory with my cuisine. There's a lot of artists out there that I just it's you know, the same way you would listen, watch some comedians me like, I don't really that's the I mean, I understand that's just that that upsets me. Yeah, it hurts me. That hurts me. I feel that way about the art of cuisine. I like that. Good, good analogy. Yeah. I'll try anything. Yeah. I'll eat it all. Oh, you mean food. Food. Senior act. Comedy. I'm like get that out of here. No, you'll try anything. In fact, there are I feel like you lean towards the things you're not supposed to try. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Good point. And you got good at it. Hey. I'd love to see a sing. Whoa. Yeah. I can learn. Give you one here. There's no way one year. I'll be at a sing sing. Yeah. It's racist. There's no way. I think it's a prison.

1:15:16Right? Sing sing. And that a jail. Yeah. Okay. Well, I just you know, it's on the race. I thought it was an Asian joke. Yeah. That's what I'm I was pretending that that was an Asian joke. Oh, okay. Okay. Jesus Christ. I'm I'm so sorry. Easy. Or should I say me? Be so sorry. Me so soup. That's my joke. What? Well, I've said it on a podcast. Oh, okay. That's it. You knew act. That's gonna say. No, no, that's a week. The only time I say me so sorry is when the restaurant accidentally brings me the wrong soup. And I say no, no, no, I ordered a miso. Sorry. Hey. It's a little throwaway soup joke. That's got to have soup jokes. Hey, love soup. Super salad. Soup. Agreed. I like a soup. Me too. So much when I have something crunchy, a starch, a potato, a piece of toast.

1:16:16You're one of those guys. And when I run out of it, because sometimes there's just broth and there's not enough of the rice or whatever the stuff. So what I like to do is I like to when I do it with a spoon is when I try and have I try not have too much of what I really want on the spoon. Because then when I run out of the stuff in the soup, oh, wow. I feel that way with when I would eat cereal. People like the cereal milk is the best part. You drink that. I'm not just drinking the broth. What am I? Sinking. I agree. I need as I get older. I thought that was a werewolf. I thought it was a zerox machine. You were way closer. Yeah. We have different fears. Copy that. So I as I get older, I'm done with soups with nothing in it. Like a bisque or a tomato or like a French onion is such a tease. Yeah. Just give me the crouton with some salty broth. Yes. Yes. It's such a fucking waste. You're looking for stuff in there. I'm like,

1:17:17that's something like panting for gold. You're like, oh, it's a fucking parsley piece of shit. Here's I have a suggestion when you're serving soup. Have all of the have all of the salads in the bowl and have the broth on the side and let us pour. Whoa. This is your subway take. Do you have one? Have you done it? I have not. I turned it down because I had some other conflict. It's a huge show, but I think anything I would say would get me in a lot of trouble. Oh, you'd say something that you haven't already said then? Well, I would elaborate and maybe make it less joky. Oh, I'm sure they would edit it in a way that they felt comfortable sharing. That's true. That's what they do. Make it less joky. I think I really believe that a lot of the comedy I watch from stand-up comedy, I think that people rely, this is going to be a crazy argument.

1:18:19I can't wait. We're out of time. All right. I think people rely too much on the need to be funny. Oh, boy. I'm not saying they don't need to be funny. Okay. You need to be funny. All right. Let me do it somewhere else first because I think there's the only way to explain. If you are a, I don't know, football running back. If you're someone who runs the football, but also runs and catches the football, what is that? Wide receiver? Sure. Whatever it is, you need to be the fastest person out there. That's what you got to focus on. As long as you're fast, that's all that matters. You just got to be fast. Yeah. Of course, of course, you got to be fast. But if you can't, cut, do whatever, understand how plays work, work with other, like there's so many other things. Then just fast. Then just fast. Fast is maybe number one, maybe number two. I don't know. I like what you're saying. What I'm saying is, I watch coming. It's like,

1:19:23now this is funny. It's okay. But it's like some of this funny contradicts the point of view that you put over here. Some of this funny is now you're not giving yourself enough time to explain why you think it's funny. What's your point? Got it. What's your point? He's going for the left. Yes. Which is important. And there's some people that are very, sound a punchline, sound a punchline, sound a punchline. You are very much sound a punchline. I also think your punchlines are, oh, that's, that's, I could hear a sound a punchline. I'd be like, that's a Mark Norman joke without ever having you heard you do it. Okay. Because we get to see you a little bit. We get to know you a little bit. I think, I think to see a lot of coming, where it's just like, this is not a joke that you believe. This is not a joke. This isn't the way that you think. This is just like a funny thing that you think. And that's all that matters. Hey, if it's funny, that's all that matters. I'm saying, yes, you need to be fast. Yeah. But there's a lot of people. It's like, what this, this what it, who cares? Yeah. No, there's definitely that. Well, Rodney was a punchline a minute, but he had the no respect thing. So he had a world. He was working around.

1:20:27My wife doesn't give a shit. I can't get enough. What if that would be funny today? I think so. I don't. Yeah. I think I think so too. It's still fun. And the look, the voice, when you watch him on Carson, yeah. And it's still great. Yeah. And then there's a lot of times who are just, no, no, sure. There's a lot of times. That's not it rings a little hollow. Yeah. Yeah. I think if you're so fast, then forest gump is going to get a D1 scholarship. Sure. Yes. But like, how sustain, how could I've never seen a ridey-do an hour? Is could he be killing for an hour? Yeah. Well, that's why a lot of these one-liner guys go into a song. They go into an easel. They go into a guitar. But you know what? It's not that easy to learn how to sing. I disagree. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm saying it's doable. I like watching I like watching comedians that that are like talking for a little bit too. I do. It's got to be entertaining. It's almost as captivating. I just find that that's a slippery slope. Oh boy.

1:21:31Back to syncing. But I'm just saying a lot of these talkers start going, hey, maybe I'll keep going with the talking part and come back on the punchy part. You gotta be fast. You gotta be fast. You gotta be fast. It'd be a wide receiver. But gold places. Yeah. I like that. I like that. Was that a swastika? No, no, no, no, no. I'll tell you something that I also think isn't out there that much. And I'm glad because this is good. Let me have it. All right. Not me exclusively. But like this is my world. Got it. Silly. Where's the silly? Love silly. Silly is underrated. Where's the silly? Who are the Silly's? Yes. And there's some Silly's now. Now you got the Rory's gold. Fleming. By the way, I mean, there's the silly. Love Fleming. Love a silly. Yes. Yes. Silly is big. And Silly isn't necessarily fast. Silly. But it's like, yeah. Well, comedy does should have some levity. There's so many comics who are just like, I mean, pour out my trauma. And I'm like,

1:22:34okay, give me the trauma, but give me the silly punchy trauma. I think pouring out the trauma is at the opposite end of the spectrum of just running really fast and being really, really joke, joke, joke. I think it's it's like I'm not for an hour. Give me a little everything. You want to balance breakfast balance breakfast. You want that commercial with the glass of milk, the OJ, the bread, the cereal, the waffle, the grapefruit. Yeah, I think that was the wrong nutritional idea. But yes, you get what I'm saying. I get what you're saying. By the way, who's eating like that? I got to catch a school bus. There's 17 ingredients here. I got to fucking eat a grapefruit, a waffle. Whose mom is making all this? And you have a glass of OJ and milk? Well, I mean, you throw an egg o' waffle in the toaster. You pour a glass of orange juicer milk, but that's that's not, you know, no. My mom gave me a glass of water and an egg and kick me in the pants. Great. Oh, you know what we need in the morning. We need our protein. Yeah. Have your eggs. Have your water. That's great. Mepch of fruit. Sure. Whole fruit. Not juiced. No, no

1:23:38juice. Juiced soda. Juiced. No juice in the building. The juice will not replace us. Right. I think we're saying the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. The juice is loose. Yeah. We're saying the same thing. I'm perfect. Is that though? By the way, when you're when you're a reporter and OJ gets let off and you get to go, oh my God, guys, juice is loose, but they wouldn't let them do it. He did it. No, I'm saying was that really headline? Yes. The juice is loose. The juice is loose. And he's going to be getting high five all day by the staff at the newspaper. That's a big one. Not a lot better than chicken in the armor guy. He didn't get a high five. Do you think more people have trouble separating the art from the artist with Woody Allen or with OJ Simpson in naked gun? Oh, definitely OJ. Because when you watch naked gun, he's so bad. I disagree. You're saying definitely OJ, meaning you don't separate with him as much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because when you see him in even your laugh, but you're like, huh, you're like, that's an athlete. It's like when

1:24:38they show LeBron James and like train wreck or something. What you think? I'm saying separate the art from the artist because OJ is an athlete. Oh, I think I'm an athlete. I didn't know you meant murderer. Well, I wasn't a murderer then. I'm saying when you watch any haul now, yeah. And when you watch naked gun now, too, for very different reasons, excellent comedies. One of which, by the way, is much more joky joky. Silly, silly. And then the other is pouring your heart out. Yeah. But Andy Hall had more Ziggy. I'm saying if you're pouring your heart out, you have to, if you're super fast, you just go straight down naked gun is one of the funniest movies. Oh, there it is. It's one that works where it's just juu, juu, juu, juu, juu, juu, juu, juu, juu, juu, juu, juu, juu. Yeah, yes. Yes. Straight down any haul or movies that are a little bit more, you have to be able to cut and stop because you're not just as fast. That's why I won best picture of the year. Did naked gun? Annie. I don't know what wins stuff are probably. I think it won. But yes, but I do think I see OJ more murder than

1:25:44Woody Diddler. That's what I'm saying. And do you think that's a racial thing? No, I think his murder is the worst. No race being not person. Oh, I'm saying fast race like a race to what's bad saved it. Good save. Well played what receiver sometimes I'll say something on stage and it's fine. You know, but like it's like it's a little with this. And I will not obviously ironically, but I like I'll continue the sentence. So people like, oh, yeah, I feel it. And I feel it. And I just I think I go saved it. It's really funny. Like people, you're not okay. Oh, well, no one has said racial about racing. I didn't say racial. I said a race thing. Oh, is that right? Yes. Okay. I said racial. Play it back. Play it back. And do you think that's a racial thing? Racial racial fine steam. If I didn't say racial, then I didn't say it as well. I know, but I guess, you know, a NASCAR

1:26:44could be racial. I don't think so. I pretty pretty pretty pretty predominantly white. I think yeah, I think the word racial has nothing to do with no, you don't put yeah, racing and racial are not the same derivation. No, race and racial. Yeah, I think you're supposed to call it race X now. Oh, nice. When it's extreme. Yeah, that next man. Yes. Yes. Sometimes when I'm speaking to a person of Spanish descent of South Americans, usually specifically, and they say something that ends in an over and A, I like to correct them and say it's with an X. That's fun. Yeah. That's my little thing. This is my little thing. Yeah. Now, you know, it's fun is Irish. Are you being an Asian person with a genie? I hear it starts with an O and, oh, plan again, Hispanic and Italian ended up.

1:27:50If it's a male, it's a male. It's fun that we love the O. They start with O, they end with O. Yeah. That's well, technically, that's all I never thought about this before, but if you if you look at where the planes of of the continents begin from Pangaea, Ireland is furthest actually west. And then it comes all the way back around to America's, which are then the furthest on the east and it starts with Ireland and it ends with Latin America. And it starts with, oh, and it ends with O, the earth is a circle. Whoa. No, I made all that up. I like it. But, you know, it just goes to show you we believe stuff. Yeah, you're right. I bought it. Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I was thinking those Zempox should pick that up. Oh, oh, oh, yeah, I mean, it's that's the Riley song. I guess, but it would trick you.

1:28:55You go, oh, here comes the O Riley. Yeah, it would trick you. It flips it on. It would, it would, it would. As a as a comedian, do you, because I don't know how to like, I don't know this part of it. A lot of people say that you're that you zig when you're supposed to zag, but is it ever the other way around? Can you zag when you zig? You saying? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I think I can get a mix direct. Give me an example of a zig when you should a zag and a zag when you should a zigged. Okay. Let me think about this. I'm a little off today. Zigg and zag. So Charlie Chaplin said, you know, comedy is when you're walking towards a manhole and you think they're gonna, you're gonna fall in. You can hit by a car. That's a zig when you're supposed to zag. The zig is the car hitting you. The zag was the manhole. You think he's gonna fall that manhole. It's my car. Missed direction. So the zag when you should zig would be the first time you did it, you did fall

1:29:57into the manhole. And then the next time you don't when they, when they, because they, no, no, the other one. The other one. The other one. The other one. The other one. You, what you, you think you're gonna go and fall in the manhole and then you get hit by the car. And then the next time you're walking to a manhole again, you're expecting to hit by the car, but this time you actually fall in the manhole. There you go. That's comedy. Can I get more thigh on here? What do you think? I mean, now, you can actually see where you've trimmed your pubic hair. That's a high up you went because I see the thicker hair. There you go. I got a wax. Is that another reference to Asians? Oh, yeah, I guess so. You don't know I'm talking about they do a waxing. No, no, Mr. Miyagi, dude. Oh, damn it. They do the waxing though. Dude, it when, where's that more Middle East or Eastern block? I don't know, man. I don't know much. Okay. But I do know that when Danielson caught the fly with his chopsticks. Yeah. And Miyagi was like, he just performed his, his jealousy. I thought that

1:31:01was a great comedic beat. I don't remember it. I think it's the funniest part of karate kid. How do you go? How do you do? So he's been trying for 10 years or 20 years or 30 years to catch the fly with a chopstick and Danielson is not able to do it. And he's like, but he's doing it. And then they're there together and the dance line catches it. And he goes, Mr. Miyagi, look, look, he's excited. Like the sun is showing the dad that he could dunk. And the dad and he was just like, he's mad and you just get up and leave. Oh, fun. Well, that's Pat Marita. Yeah. He was, he was big. I think he was on happy days. Oh, yeah. So he knew his stuff. He might have done comedy for a minute too. I think he was a standup comic. Whoa. How about that? I think I've seen Bobby Lee talk about him before. I'm what she liked him. That might have just been his son. Probably son. Pat's. I think you got to mix up. I think you just assumed it was Bobby Lee. Oh, no, it was Bobby Lee or might have been Danielson. Oh, hey, how about a sole moon fry? Should have zigged.

1:32:06Something. Something. Nothing. Cut that. Well, bleep that bleep that do you always, you don't podcast or sunglasses in your show. Do you? No, I'm just a boy. I want no sleep. I've hurt. Did you get in last night? That did. From Michigan. How are your arms wiped? What type of did you get in? Well, here's the thing. I landed it three or two, two o'clock. Was last night the we think sorry interrupts. Was that last night? Yeah. Got it. So I got in at two. Go right to the house. You sitting traffic because it's New York. Got right to the house and the wife is wiped from the baby. So then you walk in and you just you're on, which is hard, you know, because you want to have your Sunday and fly in and just chill. But you wanted your wife to take care of the Sunday. There you go. Yes. Yes. Cream of sun, young guy. And I'm like, all right. So now we're on. So now we're at the playground. Now you're out there. You're sweating. You're trying to keep them alive. He's falling down. He's scraped his knee, whatever. He changed the diaper. He's crying. Then

1:33:11he finally passes out and the wife's seven seven thirty. Then the wife goes, I'm getting tired. So we have dinner. Watch TV. She falls asleep and then you go, holy shit. I finally got some meat time. I got the TV. I got the Washington documentary. Wife passed out. Here we go. And then you stay up too late because you got high. Well, no, then I took weed to fall asleep. But then I got high. I don't do that. And I got high. And then I stayed up too late. There's weed that are for nighttime. We rent like there's CBN stuff with CBN. I don't know. Is that a black channel? It might be. You PN. Oh, I looked at you teeth. He loves what I left. Yeah. And colored people network. Is that what it is? Oh, I think that. I don't know what it is. I think people need to say that there's some things where I think it's like it's okay. And there's some things that even like, I think that was a thing.

1:34:16I think people used to also they had an acronym like the for Buick's right? Or not Buick's like Pontiac. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know what's interesting? Like say whatever you want. Say what it's like, but you know, something's like well, it's not for us to say whatever. He's all smart with me. But still there are things that were said. And I know intention is the biggest part of it. But it's not everything. Sometimes when things are said, I am less like, I don't know. I don't like some stuff. Feel zicky. You ever say something on stage? And I'm not even talking specifically race related. Just it could be just any point of view. I'll sometimes say something on stage that on its own to me would normally be fine. But like maybe I just hit the beat too many times. And immediately I'm like, I don't like that. 100%. I have a joke of my act now about ozempic. And I don't want my intentions to not be hateful to fat people or insult fat people. Well, then say that different. But sometimes I can feel it going that way. And I'm like, you feel bad. Like I just, I gotta say the best mode of my life. I put on what? Moan in my life.

1:35:18I put out a trans chunk of trans jokes on the internet. It's a bit special. And all these trans people are like, this is how you do it. Love it. Comedy. This is great. Take notes. You fucking assholes. This is comedy. And it's a great feeling because I hate when these comics come out and go, trans jokes are hacked. You can't wipe out a whole subject. There's a way to make a joke. What a funny salesman's point of view to say we need to do trans jokes for the rights of, you know, like I get what you're saying as a comedian. Yeah. But yeah, I guess like if the community that you're that you're playing with. But a joke doesn't have to be negative. It doesn't joke. I've done it. Have to be pejorative. Agreed. What I'm saying. But you can wipe out a whole lot of times people are trying to do a joke in the, they don't think it's negative. But it's received that way. And it's, which means it is. But if it's received that way, then the joke is not good. Correct. That's what I'm saying.

1:36:19So I just don't like these people who are like, Hey, no jokes about this because it's insensitive. No, there is a level of hack. There is a level of hack when people are talking about the same. So so many people talking about Donald Trump. Agreed. I mean, there's a level when you're when you have a point of view that is so similar and widely adopted to other performers, you better find a way to make that specific to you. Or I do think it's a hack. That's what you're we're saying the same thing. Anything can be hack. Anything could be original. But you got to find, you got to make it that way. And so yeah, there are just too many Trump jokes. But the cool thing about Trump is he keeps doing new shit. So it's a little different than making a black joke or a gay joke. Trump is always up to something. Well, so there's a new thing to joke about. That's not the reason it's different than a black. And it's because we're talking about a person not a culture. Yeah, but we're talking about the I'm talking about you, you're mixing two different things here. I'm talking about a joke premise or a subject matter that's used.

1:37:22I understand what you say. That's what I'm saying. But you know, and Trump has used the ton to the point where you could say it's hack, but he does do different shit every day. So you have a new thing to joke about. He has it that different though. You zoom out a little bit. It's just him doing this another version of the same thing. I guess, but six months ago you couldn't do a joke about him having a fight at the White House where a guy yelled Obama's mom is a man or whatever the fact. Yeah, close enough. Yeah. So that's all I'm saying. I'm just saying, yes, this a million Trump jokes. It can be hacky, but anything can be hacky. Yes, anything can be good. You just got to sing the right note. And it's harder than you think. I could say, give me a lesson. Give me a lesson. I'm saying with lessons. All right. But let me hear you sing. This is where you are for a default. I can show you the world glowing shimmering. And you think in a year, maybe half a year. Oh, yeah. Put me on the voice. Do you do you do you agree with that he in six months that he

1:38:28could be a good singer? Oh, wow. No one's ever said that out loud. She's I mean, a comedian can't even get good in six months. I agreed. I mean, I'm saying, if you if that's true, then I would agree with you. Okay. Well, call it. I'll take the lessons. We'll make a whole reality show. Okay. Okay. I mean, I don't know, you know, but like I like this idea. Now, where are you at on photography as far as do you think it's an art? Yes. You think some people just have it innate skill and I think you could learn about composition and how cameras work. I think when a photographer is able to not just show you a picture, but like we could see a point of view in it. You could see why they thought this was worth putting out there. Like a community working a lot of the jokes, but there's only so many things you put out there. I'm sure photographers, even great ones don't always take great pictures. Yeah. But like, they're trying to get something. They find something they're working on something. They got something. That's not that's that's that's uh uh uh uh uh uh uh yeah. I think that's art. Okay. I think

1:39:33sometimes two things bug me with photography. One, you get the guy who's going. He's taking 9,000 photos. I'm like, oh, you got one good photo out of that. Get out of here. It's like eight million photos. You could try eight million jokes. You get one good one out of there. You put that aside. You take eight million jokes. You get one good one out there. You put it aside and eventually you build and act. But yes, but you don't long would take the right eight. How many how many shutter of aperture clicks are happening in that that comics or that a photographer's career? Millions and millions and millions and then going through them and finding and subjectively what's one is good okay. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. You know, like you need an audience to try out jokes. Photographers, they they they they they they shouldn't they shouldn't have an audience. You don't want to be influenced by that. No, no, you don't. So you have to then build and cure it. Picking the photo is the skill. I think picking the photo is all part of it because when you pick it you're like, oh, I like this. And then you try and recreate that. And when you're looking for inspiration and you see other things. Oh, I like that. And you're picking things and you curate

1:40:37something. So it's an eye. You have an eye. Yeah, you have to have an eye. You have it's the same with comedy. You have to have like awareness of what's yeah, I think you have to have an awareness and you have to have I think art is not just viewing stuff out. A great artist is able to do that because they've curated the ability to know what's good and what isn't and what's honest and what isn't and what's derivative in what isn't. Yes, yes, I think. Yeah, I absolutely think that you could have a photographer that does stuff and it probably take a very, I mean, are you a photographer as well? Do you have an opinion on what do you think? I think it takes 10,000 hours to. Oh, oh, oh, really? There's hack photographers. Well, and also what you think is hack somebody might not. I mean, there's, there's, you know, there's, there's network sitcoms which some people might say is hack. But there's an audience that loves what that is. There are portrait photographers. You know, there are animal for time. There's a woman. I think she's in, I don't know, she's somewhere in Europe. And I asked her if she ever comes to the States. If I remember what it is,

1:41:40I'm like, we'll put up her, her handle. I want to hire her to take a picture of my dog. Well, they're just, they're just in, I've, you know, you take, I've taken pictures of my dog that I love. This person, I'm sure they've taken lots of not good ones. But what's up there that they've taken is incredible. And there's no way they just take a thousand pictures and they know how to pick the good one. There's lighting involved, the shadows, this composition, this framing. And some people are controlling the lighting within a space. Some people know how to do this outside. I mean, there's so many. Okay. Okay. I'm just asking. Sorry. I have, I, I love, I think so many things, we have a different definition or at least judgment of the term artist. I don't think so. I think we're on the same page. So you, you are an artist. Yeah, I just hate the word. Then different judgments. That's what I'm saying. Well, not of the actual occupation. I'm just saying the word, the word, the word, the word, the word, the word, you judge the term. I judge the term different

1:42:41than me. That's all I'm saying. No, it just makes me uncomfortable. And it doesn't make me uncomfortable. All right. All right. And when people are good at something. Yeah. It's great. There's nothing better. Yeah. When I go to, I go, I go talk about it. I don't eat fast food usually. But when I'm stoned and or if I give myself permission, I'll go and I get some, bean burritos, no meat, no cheese and love the red sauce on onion. I don't need the meat there. Do what you do. I just don't. I think it's horse. I've heard. Really? That's my first. I say nay. Yeah. I thought it too. All right. I should have held back. Heck. So I, I remember I went through Taco Bell. This is a new one. It's one in particular. I remember I went through Taco Bell. They were so. Thank you. They were, but you're not, now you're not focused because you moved where you're sitting. Oh, sorry. I didn't know those were so good at what they do. I don't even remember exactly what I just

1:43:44remember like Taco Bell asked a question about something they made a suggestion about something. I don't remember what it was, but they were and I just like that. And then there was a time where I went to you ever have something that needs a certain kind of battery. Like we're to get this battery. I don't even want kind of battery. This takes. There's like certain battery. There's the double a's. There's the triple a's. There's the bees and then you got the weird watch ones and the other things. Sure. Sure. I went to a place at like a radio shack type place, but it wasn't that. And I asked a question. He looked at it and he goes, it should be that and he does it and he goes, let me try something. This could work. This is just he knew something. I love it. And I was with my dad and I remember when we left. I said, if if I had a retail store, I would try and poach this guy. This guy was so good. Not specifically knowing batteries, but communicating to me. I'm not sure. Let's try this. Let me do that. I'm so rare now. It's and the person I Taco Bell was that way. And it's a certain type of person. It's a special person. Yes. You know, a specialist. Yes. But I'm saying a special person back to like the idea of George Washington being just some regular show Joe, Joe Schmo, which will

1:44:48the hat of it something in there that allowed something where it's like and the way you talk to people is you're an artist. You're able to have the thought. I mean, I want to let somebody else hear your thought and accept it. Yes. Yes. And that's art accepted and help them and and guide them to where they need to go that they know you don't. That's a beautiful thing. And also, if they know where you do it, like when people come out and stage and they've already accepted you, they want you to guide them. Yes. And they know you and they know what you're able to do and they want that. And the people that don't know you and you could still get them to want that. I think that's that's the artist in you. Yeah. And that's why there's nothing better than having people in the crowd who know you already. Obviously, it's a gift and you don't want to rely on them. But when they see you being you and they go, oh, that's what we wanted. That's what we came for. That's what we paid a ticket to see and drove here and parked the car and did the whole thing. We got we got them being him. Do I don't know if you're like this on stage as much as I like to be.

1:45:49But and I also love that. And it's easier. But when there's people in the audience that don't know who I am, I think I'm able to do stuff that I couldn't do for the audience that does. I don't think I could surprise them the same that already know me. Got it. I like making people believe something and then making them believe something different. And I don't and and that is that's the that's the that's what like that's what live performances to me is there's an energy and an expectation in the room that exists outside of the performer. Yeah. That the audience members either they recognize they all feel as a whole or they just think it's them. But they all it's the same temperature in the room for everybody. You know, it's the same time of day for everybody. It's the same servers for everybody. They're all something connected. Yes. And I like to be able to play with that. And if

1:46:49they already know that you're going to get hit by a car, then you have to fall in the manhole. Right. You know what I mean? I like being able to I like being able to play with that. Yeah, that's a great thing. And that's a that's a skill that people love. So if you can nail that, you're in a good place. I think the the the the the level of silly, but also the level of just being very sincere and honest. Yeah. Those two things that I think a lot of people think are mutually exclusive and where I often have gotten like I never know when you're serious or not, which I know you get. I know that's where you like, how do you turn that into an act? Yeah. And that's a great little blurb for you. I want to say and this is this is like I'm being I'm feeling insecure about saying this publicly. But I mean it. I can't wait. What's nothing big? It's just like patting myself on the back. Uh huh. It's taken me so long to get good at that. And I really takes forever.

1:47:51I really feel like I'm feeling something emotional. I feel so good at it now. It's such a new thing for me. It really is. I've been great. I it's been so I've always done weird stuff and trying stuff and blah blah blah. But like I'm so happy with like what I've been able to create with I don't know if it says a comedian or just this hour now. And then when I'm done with this on to the next and but I've never I've always moved on. I've always done new jokes, new jokes and jokes. I did it. It's funny. And now I've like for about two and a half years now. I'm like I for I want to do a special. You have to do it this way. And I the first time I built something. That's beautiful. I love it. And I and I get the the sign fell thing. It's like I still get nervous and stuff. But I also go on stage. I'm like, this is this is this is good. Well, that's your comedic weapon. And you've sharpened it and mastered it. And that's huge. And you have not everyone has that weapon. That's probably you alone. I don't know if it's me alone. That good at it. That I do feel that like if comedians have superpowers, some better than others,

1:48:52some more meaningful than others. That's what I do feel that that one's mine. That's great. Yeah. How cool is that? I you can't teach that in a class or anything. You had to hone that and learn that on your own through trial and error and experience. Yeah. It's like I mean, like what musicians have to do over time. Eventually they could get good enough. But not just good enough. You found your own thing. Yeah. Anybody be a great comic and just be like a journeyman, whatever. You have a specific skill set. And can I say something else about that where where for better and for worse? And the idea of the art versus the business or like that they bought a they got a babysitter bubble. But when I'm aware of I'm aware, but when it's when it occupies space in my brain that they got a babysitter and whatever else whatever version of that might be, they drove really far. You know, I love to tell you that drove three hours to see you. Yeah, I mean tell me what your point of view is on that. I just feel guilty. It's a bittersweet moment because I'm flattered. Like, oh, thanks. But also like, sorry. That's why you got to give a

1:49:55murder free when they drive far. I hear what you're saying. It's I think it's saying that like like if you ever were to see like a an athlete or a sports negate me like I had posters of you on my wall. I can't believe I get to do. Yeah. Not that where Arnold Schwarzenegger to them. But like, hey, I like I wanted to see you so much that I did this. I think it's a compliment. It's definitely a compliment. I just but I I also do feel like I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Should I give you gas money? I don't know what to do here. I was talking to somebody in the front. I think this was in Cleveland and they told me they drove from I don't know in the apples. I don't remember where and I'm like, I'm like, uh, uh, did you rent a car or did you drive? Yeah. And then like, I drove like can I give you like gas? Because I'm like, I'll pay for the rental and then they said, well, we do need to get oil change. I give a system. Oh, that's hilarious. It does feel I do feel bad, but it's also I know it's a compliment. It is. It's huge. But what I was getting at as I'm like talking about how great I am at this moment, which is not my intention. And for the longest time,

1:50:58I never was is, uh, when I when I'm thinking of myself, they drove far, um, I'm, I'm, I mean, no, I'm not going to be as good. Uh, I know I'm not going to be as good. I might be able to soften things for them or what I think they would want soften, which who even knows. And the logic, not the emotional side of being fearful, but the logic of knowing I am my best when I'm fully present doing what I believe I should be doing without letting them influence me, which is tough because when they don't laugh, you notice when they laugh, you notice. But logically, it makes so much sense to me to just do what I think is funniest. Yeah. Because if I do what I think they think is funniest, I might be wrong and it might be not as funny. So best case scenario. And because I, that I understand that for better and worse, so much, I truly, they don't, they don't, the audience doesn't influence my act that much, which has made it very hard for me to get good at this because if they laugh, that means keep doing it. If they don't, that means, stop or change.

1:52:00Yeah. I'm very, very bad at that. So it takes me a very long time until I know it's funny and I might be wrong, but that's the best version. So I think that's also my superpower and also something where I could, I could get my way. Yeah. Well, I think it's a given a take. I see exactly what you're saying, but I do think you got to give the audience something with a like too. Because yes, my people with Rick Rubin, he's always like, fuck the audience. The audience doesn't matter. I'm like, shut up. Yeah, fucking shoeless weirdo. So, so, so you're shoes on. Get a haircut. Or I disagree with what you're arguing isn't that fuck them. They don't matter. Of course, they do. Of course, they matter. He says that. However, but I think that's, I don't know enough of what he says, but like, I think that's maybe this is the pendulum swinging the other way just to kind of explain to somebody hyperbolicly. Hopefully because I want you to love what I do. Not even thank you. We got to wrap it up. It's like, I want you to love what I do. But if you don't, that's okay.

1:53:01Yes. So what I'm saying is the best version of what I could do from my mind. It's all subjective. So the only one that I'm saying is I'm doing this. This is funny to me. This is how what I believe, my best version is, is whatever this is, right? Yeah. If you guys disagree with this, if enough people disagree with this, I got to check in on that. Yeah. Absolutely. This joke never works. Why not? Eventually, this isn't the joke, right? Or the shriet later, right? Of course. But if it doesn't work, but I'm thinking like, I don't need them to laugh at this. This isn't, this is part of, I don't need them to laugh at that. Okay. That's fine. That is fine. So they have to be entertained at the end of the show. You have a good time and enjoy it. Yes. It's like Picasso. Picasso draws tits go on this way and a tit go on that way. And you would go, he's a genius. But if he started doing that, you'd go, this guy didn't understand tits. You know what I mean? Like, you'd be, you'd be thinking he's a weirdo, but you can bring an audience

1:54:05with you and they go, oh, I see what he's doing here. He knows tits go that way, but he's doing it that way. Right. It's hard to explain, but I think over time, the audience knows that you know. You have to let them know you know. And the, yes, and the best way to do that, and I believe this is at least subconscious, the best way to do that is to know, right? And this is so pretentious. To know that it's funny. No, no, no. To know that it's honest. For them, you're saying, for them to know, for you to know, if I feel as always an actor too, if I, if I am present and I believe what I'm doing, which by the way, isn't always the case. There's tricks to this in short. But if I believe what I'm doing and you don't believe me, I'm not going to change. All right. All right. This is real. An artist. And when they don't believe it. And so I think if the, if the audience doesn't believe you, then you're either doing a bad job at explaining it, agreed. Or you're not being honest.

1:55:07Yes. And if you're not being honest, do a better job. If you're doing a bad job, do a better job. So that's the feedback I'm getting from them. Yes. But to do a better job, is it what do you think I should do? Not that it's most people think, but isn't like what's funny to you? It's, okay, this isn't, this isn't real. This isn't what I think is funny. This is at my point of view. So that's when I check in and it takes such a long time because there are jokes that I have relatively speaking for me that get really big laughs. And I know to do it. And when I do it, I'm like, yeah, and I'm like, I'm not gonna. I have those too. But at least you're checking in. That's what makes you a good checking in. What's honest to me? Not what they think. But still any kind of assessing is the move. Yes. With them or with you? And I think I think it's really important to, to, to be present in order to be able to do that. And when I'm like, well, is it because they got a babysitter? They drove far. I'm now not, I'm not there. No, no, of course, you're in the moment. You're in the showroom with them. Anyway, I got to say, uh, uh, we got to get out of here now. And I,

1:56:10I'm, I'm like, I got, I got, I'm in it. Yeah. And I want to talk to you more about it all because just up and then we got to the phone rang. You're so, you're so good at stand up and you're funny. And those are two separate things to me. I agree. Uh, you're so good at stand up that like, and we're such a similar frequency and things, but you do think so different. And I do think so much this way. And I do know it benefits me to sharpen certain things. Yeah. And I am really trying. And some of the things I'm trying to sharpen are things that you are so sharp at. But like, but don't change or you know, but the foundation is this. Uh, uh, and, and, and just people like that. I want to come to see you for that. It may be, I think a lot of people don't know my stand up. They come to see me and they just, for the podcast, they get enough out of this to get who you are. But my friends and our peers have, have not only have amazing specials out, they have amazing specials. They, you know, they've been doing this and they've been doing them. I never wanted to do one. I was never, I'm like, I will, I will. I will. I can't wait. And I,

1:57:11I'm like, and I've never felt like I want to do one. And it's been almost 20 years I've been doing this. Well, you found it big. You feel great. You feel great. You found your niche. You found your skill set and now you're honing it. And now the world gets to see it. All right. We're done. You could comment. Thank you, pardon for the last 10 minutes of me doing this. But like, and it felt cool telling that to you. I really think that you're so incredible and you're my friends. I felt cool talking about that. I can't wait to see. I'm dying to see this hour. All right. Cool. Uh, theme music. We don't do this a business podcast. We don't do this a business podcast at all. It's great. Like, it's after like, this is going on. It's amazing. Okay. What's the context? It's smart.