Meanwhile | Taser Chess

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It's the late show poncho with Stephen Colberg.

I just want to say a salute to everybody on the show this past Saturday.

We won the Producers Guild of America Award for best variety in that talk.

I'm proud of everybody.

Great job, y'all.

Great job, everybody.

You produce the hell out of this show.

Folks, if you watch this show, the PGA award-winning show,

you know that I spend most of my time right over there in the new studio,

hand-crafting the most topical soft marino and Anatolian angora into a slim fit

with constructed soldiers in a center-back vent with a sharp silhouette to craft for you.

The timeless yet contemporary single-breasted wool and mohair-protissued

that is my monologue, but sometimes.

Sometimes, folks.

While tripping balls on salvia and cough syrup,

make it on the banks of the Goannas Canal.

I cut armholes in a discarded refrigerator box,

and then catwalk through Park Slope,

wearing the gutter Gucci of news that is my segment.

Meanwhile.

Meanwhile.

Megan Thee Stallion is set to make her Broadway debut in New Orleans.

It is a musical, and in her honor, the program for that theater will be

Wet-ass Playbill.

No, that means.

I don't know what that joke means.

Meanwhile, a man built an electrified chess board that shocks players for bad moves.

I'm sorry, that headline again,

man-invents way to be lonelyer.

The idea behind the board is pretty so,

is to see if negative reinforcement would help him become a better chess player

and whatever.

Here's a bunch of people getting shocked.

This.

Ow!

Is Taser Chess.

That's cool.

Looks almost as fun as shoots and pepper spray.

Meanwhile, in our previous installment of Meanwhile, I assume you watch them all.

I told you about a New York surgical resident trying to pay off his $400,000 in student loans

by making balloon art.

But it seems I forgot one important detail.

I woke up yesterday with dozens of messages saying that I was on the Stephen Colbert show yesterday.

She didn't mention my name, so I'm like,

how am I going to get to this $400,000 if you're not going to plug me?

And so, ultimately, there's only one thing to do right now.

This is our Stephen Colbert balloon.

First of all, I had no idea balloons came in Caucasian.

Clearly, I got to help this guy out.

There's student debt crisis, and he's a frontline responder doing critical work for society.

But mostly because his balloon version of me has a waistline that is snatched.

Look at that.

I have like a figure skater.

Okay, here we go.

The guy's Instagram handle is Dr. Brandini.

Yes.

Dr. Brandini, he'll make your pancreas disappear.

The student debt, that's a little harder.

Meanwhile, in sugary supplement news,

a chocolate boner syrup was recalled for actually containing a viagrant ingredient.

The syrup in question is called boner bears.

And now we know why patting to always wears that trench coat.

Meanwhile...

APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, the New York Times is reporting on a possible upside of this bitter New York City winter.

There might be fewer rats.

Because rodent experts say the prolonged cold weather could kill some rats.

So, breathe easy New Yorkers.

After this harsh winter, all that will be left are the immortal ice rats.

Meanwhile, try dragon glass.

Meanwhile, there is an it candle of New York City restaurant bathrooms.

The candle is called wood cabin.

And has been sniffed at restaurants and bars everywhere from smithereens and syruvos

to eel bar hearts and the fly.

Plus, sneak super bueno, crispy, brimbo, katana-kitten, legron, and the stinky horse.

And I'm not going to tell you non-New Yorkers, which of those names are made up.

But because I don't know.

Or maybe all.

Or maybe none.

Meanwhile...

Meanwhile, scientists say lab-grown brains are growing more powerful.

Neat.

Definitely keep doing that science.

No downside.

Meanwhile, a Los Angeles man who gave alcohol to a hawk has been sentenced for animal cruelty.

Animal cruelty.

More like animal cruelty.

Not a great joke, but you'll find out in a minute why we made it.

Meanwhile...

Meanwhile in Georgia cops had to tell parents to make sure they have an accidentally packed

booze in their kids' lunches.

After a parent mistakenly put a canned martini in their kids' lunch pack.

Okay, but then what are kids supposed to give the hawks?

Thank you for listening to The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert.

Just one more thing.

If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

If you want to leave and you can't, but the important thing is you'll never want to.

Get tickets at www.schmikadunbroadway.com

I'm back.

I'm really back.

School spirits returns.

Why am I here?

Not dead, right?

This place is an absolute death trap.

We need to get out of here now.

School spirits new season now streaming only on Paramount Plus.