Media Therapy

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Yes.

Well, someone's irises up.

Good evening, everyone.

So today is St. Patrick's Day, or as one woman calls it, Tuesday.

And of course, in New York City, we had the big St. Patrick's Day parade.

And as usual, a guy from Kenya won.

Bomb Domey attended the parade and said he didn't have this much fun watching New Yorkers

get bombs since 9-11.

Oh, I know.

I feel the same way.

But to get into the swing of things, the mayor's wife, she did wear green.

But you could see signs of St. Patrick's Day everywhere.

On my way to work, I saw Bill Clinton wearing a kiss me, I'm Irish button.

On his pants.

And over in Dublin, Ireland, Rosie O'Donnell shaved the shamrock into her back.

Oh.

There you go.

Yeah, all right.

So according to New York City's Comptroller, the city spent $81,000 per homeless person

last year.

Boy, do I feel stupid paying them for sex?

I know.

They should be paying me.

The Obama Foundation is asking for 100 volunteers to staff the new Presidential Center.

Meanwhile, the Joe Biden Foundation is asking for 100 volunteers to look for Joe Biden.

No surprise.

The Clinton Foundation is asking for 100 interns just for the weekend.

Line him up by height.

Yesterday, President Trump spoke with Emmanuel Macron and said on a scale of zero to ten

their conversation wasn't eight.

The French president said he feels the same way about his wife's penis.

I think that was supposed to be casserole.

Joy Reid argued that the U.S. is only marginally better than the Iranian regime.

She may have a point.

And so over there, she wouldn't be allowed to show her face.

Yeah.

And finally, a Malaysian man broke the Guinness World Records for having 42 teeth, ten

more than the average person.

I'll let you know if it makes a difference.

Said one man.

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You just a evil leprechaun.

I'm an evil leprechaun.

All right.

To have you notice that the media's job has changed from reporting truth to offering therapy,

we'll be back with more gut felts.

and no solutions, they now take the bad things

and they tell you they're good.

First, they told us trans women were women

and could play in sports.

Now that that battle's been lost,

they say, you know, it really wasn't that big of a deal at all.

CNN downplays terrorists as misunderstood kids

to marginalize the rational fear of being killed

by Islamic terrorism.

Because what child hasn't gone through

an a la Akbar phase?

And now New York magpub was to peace about women

who are fleeing the magma movement faster than Karen Bass

when she hears a smoke detector go off.

They say, magma men, they're so demanding

a female subordination that women are fleeing the party,

like they just walked in on Jerry Nadler,

vacating his poop bag.

But once you read the piece, you see they talk to just two chicks.

No studies or evidence of a mass exodus of women.

Just the story designed to tell lives exactly

what they want to hear.

That you were right, magma men are evil.

And this is, in this for you, is peak masculinity.

It's journalism as a coping mechanism.

Take this piece about moms who regret having kids.

I'm sorry, what mother regrets having kids?

Well, unless you gave birth to this.

But.

I know.

Oh, man.

But this isn't for moms.

It's for liberal women convinced by their peers

that kids were a hindrance to a wonderful career

doing nothing useful that never helped anyone.

It's a way to say, see, you're not missing anything.

So enjoy watching sex in the city reruns

while your cat waits for you to die so it can eat you.

See, the media's role is no longer reporting, but comforting.

And it's designed for those who bought into their b****.

Vox told us Americans are too moral about cheating.

The New York Times told you cutting off your family

could be a good thing.

And yeah, go ahead, skip Thanksgiving

to avoid your Trump loving parents.

In fact, the Guardian said women were happier being alone,

which is a comforting message to those who don't have a choice.

So, who is this for when the message is,

keep holding on to the ideas that make you miserable?

Don't worry, it's okay to suck.

If your dumb being smart is racist.

If your fat being fit is racist.

And if your dumb and fat, you can co-host the view.

They even had to do it to live with themselves under Biden.

Inflation became a vibe session.

Gas costs more on your paycheck shrinking.

Well, the less you have, the better.

Not because it was true, but because you voted for it.

And now Trump derangement has them feeling even more hopeless,

which the media will say is healthy.

Anxious flyer,

have emotional support animals.

The lives have emotional support journalists.

All these stories about never-trumpers, people fleeing America.

They all started to sprout as the media lost its credibility.

And their very worst enemy proved to be right on so many things.

And that said, people looking for therapy,

not to heal their pain, but to validate it.

Now, I'm sure someone could say,

we do not know what to do.

We don't lie on a couch and scroll through crap

that tells us to cut off our family and friends.

We don't need to cope,

because politics is not our identity.

Hell, we almost never think about our identity at all.

Maybe it's because we're too busy living life,

or we find our identity in our relationships

with the people we love.

We don't need to cope,

because politics is not our identity.

Hell, we almost never think about our identity at all.

We find our identity in our relationships with the people we love,

where moms, where dads, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters.

It sure beats black, white, gay, straight, non-binary.

Either way, today's journalists are probably the last group

to seek solace from.

If you only knew how f*** up their lives were,

you'd wonder why we ever listened to them at all.

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