Mind Webs - The Eel

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1:25The power of mind waves short stories from the worlds of speculative fiction This is Michael Hanson. The mind web story this evening is by Miriam Allen The Ford. A story copyright 1958 by galaxy publishing corporation. This is titled The Eel He was intimately and unfavorably known everywhere in the galaxy but with special virulums on eight planets in three different solar systems he was eagerly sought on each

2:27They all wanted to try him and punish him in each case by their own laws and customs This had been going on for 26 terrestrial years which means from minus 10 to plus 280 and some of the others The only place that did not want him was earth his native planet or he was too smart to operate But of course the galactic police were looking for him there too in order to deliver him to the authorities of the other planets in accordance with the interplanetary constitution For all those years the Eel which was his earth moniker elsewhere he was known by names indicating equally squirmy and slimy life forms Had been galley going his way known under a dozen different aliases turning up suddenly here they're everywhere committing his gigantic depredations And then disappearing as quickly and silently when his latest enterprise had succeeded He specialized in enormous unprecedented thefts it was said that he despised stealing anything under the value of 100 million terrestrial units

3:35And most of his thefts were much larger than that He had no recognizable modus operandi changing his methods with each and crime he never left a clue But in bravado he signed his name to every job his moniker flattered him And after each malfunction the victim usually a government agency a giant corporation or one of the clan enterprises of the smaller planets would receive a message consisting merely of the impudent depiction of a large wriggling eel They got him at last of course the galactic police like the prehistoric royal canadian mounted have the reputation of always catching their man Sometimes they don't catch him till he's dead but they catch him They took them 26 years and it was a hard job for the eel always worked alone and never talked afterward They did it by the herculean labor of investigating the source of the fortune of every inhabitant of earth

4:41Since all that was known was that the eel was a terrestrial Every computer in the federation worked over time analyzing the data fed into it It wasn't entirely a thankless task for his a byproduct a lot of embezzlers tax evaders and lesser robbers were turned up In the end it narrowed down to one man one man who owned more than he could account for having Even so they almost lost him for his takings were cached away under so many pseudonyms that it took several months Just to establish that they all belonged to the same person When that was settled the police swooped the eel surrendered quietly The one thing he was unsure of was never being apprehended And he was so dumbfounded that he was unable to put up any resistance And then came the so greater question which of the planets was to have him

5:42Zistol said it had the first right because his theft there had been the largest A some so huge that it could be expressed only by an algebraic index Arthur's argument was that his first recorded crime had been on that planet Madoris wanted him because it's only penalty for any felony He is an immediate and rather horrible death And that would guarantee getting rid of the eel forever Series put in the claim on the ground that it was the only planet or moon and the soil system in which the eel had operated And since he was a terrestrial it was a matter of four local jurisdiction Ebb pleaded that it was the newest and poorest member of the Galactic Federation And should have been protected in its inexperience against his thiefishness Ha Al-Marath argued that it had earned his custody because it was its chief ruler who had suggested to the police

6:42The method which had resulted in the eel's arrest Lavender were encountered that it should be the chosen recipient since the theft there had included a desecration of the High Temple Little eggs which was only a probationary Galactic associate Modestly said that if it were given the eel its prompt and exemplary punishment might qualify it for full membership And it would be grateful for the chance A special meeting of the Galactic Council had to be called for the sole purpose of deciding who got the eel Representatives of all the claimant planets made the representations Each told an eloquent detail why his planet and his alone was entitled to custody of the arch criminal And what his people would do to him when not if they got him After they had all been heard the councillors went into executive session with press and public guard

7:47And in discreet councillor there was Oal of Flegon of Valter if you want to know Leaked later some of the rather indecorous proceedings The earth councillor he reported had been granted a voice but no vote since earth was not an interested party as to the crime But only as to the criminal Every possible system of arbitration had been discussed chronological numerical and respect to the size of the theft And legalistic in respect to whether the culprit would be available to be handed on to another victim when the first got through punishing him In the Walter of claims and counterclans one Harris councillor weirdly suggested a lottery Another in desperation recommended handing the eel a list of prospective punishments on each of the eight planets And then observing which one seemed to inspire the eel with most dread which would then be the one selected One even proposed poisoning him and announcing his sudden collapse and death

8:53The sessions went on day and night The exhausted councillor separated for brief periods of sleep and then went at it again A hung jury was unthinkable Something had to be decided The news outlets of the entire galaxy were beginning to issue sarcastic editorials about procrastination and coddling of criminals And there were hints about bribery and corruption And some remarks of perhaps what was really needed was a few impediments or maybe a new general election So at last in utter despair they awarded the eel to Axe as a sort of bonus and incentive Which ever planet they named the other seven were going to scream to high heaven and Axe was least likely to be able to retaliate against any expressions of indignation Axe skins as everyone knows are fairly humanoid beings primitives from the outer edge of the galaxy

10:02They were like college freshmen invited to a senior fraternity This was their big chance to make good The eel, taciturnes ever, was delivered to a delegation of six of them, sent a medium and one of their lumbering spaceships A low counter grab machines such as Earth had outgrown several millennia before They were so afraid of losing him that they put a metal belt around him with six chains attached to it And fastened all six of themselves to him Once on Axe the eel was placed in a specially made stone pit surrounded by guards and fed through the only opening In preparation for the influx of visitors to the trial and anticipated greater assembly of off planeters than little Axe had ever seen They evacuated their capital city temporarily We settling all its citizens except those needed to serve and care for the guests

11:02And we modeled the biggest houses for the accommodation of those who had peculiar space, shape or other requirements Never since the Galactic Federation was founded had so many beings, human, humanoid, semi-humanoid and non-humanoid gathered at the same place on any one member planet Every news tape, try demands, audio and all the other varieties of information services Even including the drum amplifiers of Maghars and the Ray variants of Ebb applied for and were granted a place in the courtroom This because no other edifice was large enough was an immense stone amphitheater, usually devoted to rather curious games with animals And since it rains on Axe only for two specified hours on every one of their days, no roof was needed At every seat there was a translator phone with interpreters ready and plastic cages to translate the intergalactic in which the trial was conducted into even the clicks and hisses of yorg and the eye flashes of a monrol

12:14And in the midst of all of this the cause and purpose of it all sat the legendary eel Seeing that last he was hardly an impressive figure, time had been going on and the eel was in his fifties now, bald and a trifle ponchy He was completely ordinary in appearance, a circumstance which had of course enabled him to pass unobserved on so many planets He looked like salesman or minor official and had indeed been so taken by the unnoticeable inhabitants of innumerable planets People had wondered when word came of some new outrage by this master thief, it perhaps he had disguised himself as a resident of the scene of each fresh crime But now it was obvious that this had not been necessary, he had been too clever to pick any planet where visitors from Earth were not a common sight And he had been too insignificant for anyone to pay attention to him

13:16The criminal code of X is unique in the galaxy, though there are rumors of something similar among a legendary extinct tribe on Earth called Wanches The high priest is also the chief executive as well as the minister of education and head of the medical faculty And he rules jointly with a priestess who also officiates as chief judge The exchians have some strange ideas to a terrestrial eye, for example, suicide is an honor and any one of insufficient rank who commits it, condemns as immediate family to punishment for his presumption They are great family people in general, also they never lie and find it hard to realize that other beings do Murder to them is merely a matter for a negotiation between the murder rur and the relatives of the victim, provided it is open and without deceit

14:16But grand larceny, since property is the foundation of the family, is punished in a way that shows that the exchians, though technologically primitive, are psychologically very advanced They reason that death, because it comes inevitably to all, is the least of misfortunes Lasting grief for Morrison Guild are the greatest, so they l- Toleretic here from 2311 Racing The rush of racing, nothing beats it, but Chumpa Casino comes close Chumpa's got fast spins, fun games, daily bonuses and all the action you can handle Now that's a ride, ready to hit the throttle, get in the driver's seat and head to chumpaxino.com Let's Chumpa Sponsored by Chumpa Casino, no purchase necessary, VGW Group Voidware prohibited by law, 21 plus turns and conditions apply

15:26Since exchians never lie, you always tell them Then they seize that person and kill him or her slowly and painfully before the thief's eyes And the agreement had been that the eel was to be tried and punished by the laws and customs of the planet to which he was awarded The actual trial and conviction of the eel were almost perfunctory Without needing the resort to torture, his jailers had been presented on a platter as it were for the full confession So far as the particular robbery he had committed on the axe was concerned There is a provision for defense in the X-kin code, but it was unneeded because the eel had pleaded guilty But he knew very well he would not be executed by the X-kins, he would instead be set free Presumably with a broken heart, to be handed over to the next claimant, and that the council had decided would be Modorus

16:29Since Modorus always killed its criminals, that would end the whole controversy So the eel was quite aware that his conviction by axe would be only the preliminary tune, exquisitely painful and lingering demise at the two clawed hands of the Modorans His business was somehow to get out from under Naturally, the resources of the galactic police had been at the full disposal of the officials of the axe The files had been opened, and the axe-kin said before them the eel's history back to the day of his birth He himself had been questioned and self-legraphed, hypnotized, dramatized, and checkered, psychographed Subjected to all means of eliciting information devised by all eight planets For the other seven, once their first present was overhead, reconcile themselves and cooperate it wholeheartedly with axe

17:29Modorus especially had been of the greatest help the Modorans could hardly wait In the spate of news of the trial, it inundated every portion of the galaxy There began to be discovered a note of sympathy for this one little creature arrayed against the mightiest powers of the galaxy Poor people who wished they had his nerve And romantic people who dreamed of adventures they would never dare perform began to say that the eel wasn't so bad after all He became a symbol of the rebellious individual thumbing his nose at an entrenched authority Stood himself earth prehistory would recognize such symbols in the mythical Robin Hood and Al Capone These were the people who were glad to put up with axe began to be made At first the odds were tend to want against the eel then it's time greyed by they dropped until it was even money

18:33Axe itself began to be worried It was one thing to make a big expensive splurge to impress the galaxy into hasten its acceptance into full membership in the federation But nobody had expected the show to last more than a few days If it kept on much longer, eggs would be bankrupt For the trial had foundered on one insoluble problem The only way the eel could ever be punished by their laws was to kill the person he most loved And nobody could discover that the eel had ever loved anybody His mother, his father He had been an undutiful earned unaffectionate son and his parents were long since dead in any case He had never had a brother, a sister, a wife or a child No probing could find any woman with whom he had ever been in love

19:34He had never had an intimate friend He did nothing to help naturally He simply sat in his chains and smiled and waited He was perfectly willing to be escorted from the court every evening, relieved of his fetters and placed in his pits It was a much pleasanter experience and existence than being executed inch by inch by the Madorans For all he carried the axkins could go on spending their planetary income until he finally died of old age The priestess judge and her co-agitors wore themselves out in discussions far into the night They lost up to 15 pounds of peace which on eggs were the average weight of adults is about 40 Was serious It began to look as if the eel's judges would pre-decease him Whom did the eel love?

20:35They went into Manushi and sub-diffuges He had never had a pet to which he was devoted He had never even loved a house which could be raised He could not be said to have loved the immense fortune he had stolen for he had concealed his wealth and used little of it And in any event it had all been confiscated and so far as possible restored proportionately to those he had robbed What he had loved most, Douglas, was his prowess in stealing unimaginable sums and getting away with it But there's no way of killing a criminal technique Almost a year had passed, axk was beginning to wish the eel had never been caught Or that they had never been awarded the glory of trying him At last, the priestess judge in utter despair took off her judges' robes, put on the classic concert plus of her sacred calling

21:36And laid the problem before the most unapproachable and august of the gods of axk The trial was suspended while she lay for three days in the trance and the high altar She emerged weak and tottering her skin light blue instead of its healthy purple, but her head high and her mouth curved in triumph At sight of her, renewed excitement surged through the audience News gatherers would have been finding the difficult of light to get anything to report rushed to their instruments And the priestess judge ordered in wing tones He removed the defendant's chains and set him free The great god of the unsteakable name has revealed to me whom the defendant most loves As soon as he is freed, sees him and slays him

22:38For the only being he loves is himself There was an instant silence and then a roar The Madorans hauled in frustration But the eel still guarded but unchained stood up and laughed aloud Your great god is a fool I deny that I love myself I care nothing for myself at all The priestess judge signed Since this is your sworn denial it must be true So then we cannot kill you Instead we grant that you do indeed love no one Therefore you are a creature so far outside our comprehension that you cannot come under our laws

23:39No matter how you have broken them We shall notify the federation that we abandoned our jurisdiction and hand you over to our sister planet Which is next in line to judge you Then all the viewers on Tritomans on countless planets saw something that nobody had ever thought to see The eel's armor of self-confidence cracked and terror poured through the gap He dropped to his knees and cried Wait, wait, wait I confessed that I blasphemed your god but without realizing that I did You mean you acknowledge that you yourself are the only being dear to you? No, not that either until now I have never known love

24:40But now it has come upon me like a nova I must speak the truth The eel paused still on his knees and looked piteously at the priestess judge Are you bound by your law to believe me and to kill instead of me this being that I adore? We are so bound Well then said the eel smiling and confident again rising to his feet Well then before all but galaxy I must declare the object of my sudden but everlasting passion Great lady it is you The eel is still on his pits which has been made most comfortable by his sympathizers

26:05While the council of the Galactic Federation seeks feverishly and vainly year after year to find some legal way out of the impasse Acts however requests all Federation citizens to submit solutions The grand prize for a workable answer being a lifetime term as president of the planet A second very contest prize lifetime ambassador ship to the Galactic Federation is offered for a legal way around the statute Barring criminals specifically the eel from entering the primary contest You've heard a story titled the eel written by Miriam Helen DeFord and copyright by galaxy publishing corporation 1958

27:21This is Michael Hanson technical operation for this broadcast by Steve Gordon Mindwebs is a production of WHA radio in Madison a service of University of Wisconsin extension The eel has been made most comfortable by his sympathizers The eel is still on his pits which has been made most comfortable by his sympathizers The eel is still on his pits which has been made most comfortable by his sympathizers

28:27The eel is still on his pits which has been made most comfortable by his sympathizers The eel is still on his pits which has been made most comfortable by his sympathizers The eel is still on his pits which has been made most comfortable by his sympathizers The eel is still on his pits which has been made most comfortable by his sympathizers