Modern Masculinity, Feminism, & Raising Boys in 2026

Thank you to Time for Learning for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

Schooling is one of the most important decisions you make for your children,

and I'm really excited about the option Time for Learning. We are coming to that point where our

kids are getting ready to enter Pre-K and there's all these decisions to make, and I love that

we're in this day and age where there are so many options, but I'm also very overwhelmed by it,

but I'm really excited about Time for Learning because they have everything you need to teach

Pre-K through 12th grade at home, but with all the core and elective classes offered in a

traditional brick and mortar school. I love that option because you get the structure that you

would like with a traditional school format, but with the personalized intimate setting of

homeschooling, and that's because Time for Learning believes in harnessing the flexibility of homeschool

to help families explore passions, travel, and hobbies without the constraints of traditional

school hours. It can also be used for more than homeschooling. It is also used for school or

summer learning to address learning gaps or maintain skills. It was created by experts for parents

with over 1 million students served. Time for Learning is also super user friendly. It can go on

your computer or on your phone and they have really easy to read calendars for the day or the month.

It also has a progress bar so you can see where your kids are at, what they've completed,

and what they still have yet to do. I think it's a really really great options for families that

are looking for that flexibility and that nuance in their child's education. So if you're also

curious if Time for Learning is right for your family, visit timeforlearning.com. That's time

number four, learning.com to explore their curriculum and find the perfect plan for your student.

You can get started with a monthly subscription to see just how much your kids enjoy learning on

their own terms. If a guy hurts you, let's not extend that to the entire gender. My two and my

three-year-old are building their sense of self right now. It's here like I hate men, men are the

worst and them be like there's something wrong with me. I'd never want that to happen. There's

all these men right now that feel like they're failing because they're not providing financially

for their family as much as their wife and that is the S. There's so much more to providing for

your family than financial. We want men. We want masculine men but I think that in 2026 we need to

redefine healthy masculinity especially as our roles have changed society. What's up dudes and welcome

back to Unplanned. Woo. Is that fun? Should we rebrand the unplanned with just like the one-word

unplanned? I've actually wanted to do that for a while and I've gotten nervous I don't know why,

but I think it'd be kind of fun just if this just said unplanned. Okay. I think we do I think we

should do it. Do it. Do you guys approve it? Let us know in the comments. Speaking of the comments

everyone that's been leaving reviews we really appreciate you that helps us so much that's like a

free way you can support the show by just telling people why you like it on Spotify or Apple and then

especially another free way is just subscribing if you're listening on YouTube the subscribe button

really helps us out. We're actually trying to hit a million subscribers this year and if we do

I think we need to do something special for our team because we're growing we're trying to make

better videos. What are we doing right now? We're at 800 something thousand. Oh yeah.

830 thousand I think. We can do it. So I don't know I've seen other podcasts where they like

throw a party for their team or they take their team on a trip. Maybe we'll take our team on a trip.

If we hit if we hit that number we should make a goal too for always here because I I don't know

I think I just want to celebrate that and I want to be around for a while because it's it's fun

connecting with you guys it's fun interviewing the guests that we have on these shows I can't believe

we get to sit down with the people that we get to sit down with but we got a very exciting

conversation today Abby what are we talking about today? Well a couple years back gosh it's been

two years at this point I think right? No it was three years ago. Three years ago wow the time

is time is illusion at this point. But we had posted a clip from this podcast where I was just you

know running my mouth we are literally living in a man hating culture and as a mother to a son

that makes my heart really sad my son watch me oh it's okay it's okay you got this you got this

I would hope that my son could grow up and there could be males and females uplifting him and

rooting him on and not hating him for his gender or yeah you know thinking a certain way about him

because he's a man let's actually get into this conversation let's get into it because here's my

thing I am so pro women I love women and yeah I'm the biggest girls girl like I'm just I just

I'm gonna take a girl's side if we're if we're totally honest you you really are I will publicly

publicly take a girl's side but then quietly put them aside and be like I've heard you say like

I just like women are just better than men yeah I just heard you said that you know

that's part of me that believes that are you sexist yes you but that's okay I mean like I fully

support your belief that women are better than me let me give my thoughts I'm okay with you believing

that I want to fully acknowledge that like women that have been hurt by men like I

that that anger me so so so yeah that that fully those men should be held accountable that are

abusive that are dominating that are just completely inconsiderate like there's just so many

things that's like that that fully enrages me especially when it comes to assault too like some

of these instances you just look into what happens if you watch documentaries on abuses of that

it's just it's sick it's I can't even watch it half the time that makes me so mad and so I want

to recognize that the people that are feeling I think there's two categories of people that I view

as like man hating and like I want to fully recognize that a big population of people that have

been hurt by men by boyfriends by husbands by men misusing their power yeah and also their fathers

that breaks my heart the fact that the role of father to a daughter like that that can start

it's disgusting and so I want to recognize that like a lot of that can start from literally

an infant with when you have a terrible view of your father they were not a good role model to you

they represent your dad represents so much to you like even as you grow up into an adulthood you're

like this this is the person that is like kind of setting a standard now like we can change that

standard as we get older half there we have new experiences that are better but like there's

so much there the other category of I want to put in quotes man hate if that's not appropriate someone

tell me to say that but I honestly feel like that's just kind of how I'm interpreting it personally

is people that are reacting to society now in this over correction the people that are just like

now a part of like it's okay now like I'm telling you I cannot tell you how many times a day where

it's like I hate men women say that all time I hate men are the worst what's an example of that

like why women feel that way pull up Instagram right now just fill me in like what's one what's

something that you see it on your on social media I don't scroll social media I play video games

now instead like in my doom scroll is playing video games which is just as bad if not worse

I literally my screen time's like zero it's been take a drink every time Abby gets the

right no it's funny like we used to I used to brag about I was like yeah Abby things video games

are a huge turn off and just just like the past six months I've been like I love gaming with my

bros literally my brother but what I'm saying is that now at least for me what I see in other women

you can comment down below if you see the same thing too or if you don't then also like feel for

this can be a discussion I'm not offended by this also this is just how I'm interpreting

the society that we're living in and so um but the other is like now it's like okay

for people to say like literally women to say I hate men it's it's actually like totally okay

and men are supposed to just sit there and be like yeah we're like if a man we're to say I hate

women we all be like yeah you get burned at the stake no but it would just it was now

someone's gonna clip that someone's gonna clip that right there and I and I recognize like this is

a tale is all this time where something is wrong and we finally recognize that as a society

and then it's pitch forks be no what fire and then we're back at the other side of this can I be

a devil's advocate of course I feel like so the pendulum swung too far in one side now it's

swinging too far to the other side to like over her act totally but I think that's warranted like

I think a pendulum needs to keep swinging until it slows down it slows down then eventually it's

it stops I'm speaking though as a mom who has a two and a three year old boy at the time that

this pendulum is swinging on this side yeah okay and so my little boys are hearing I hate men

men are the worst we don't need men we don't need blah blah and and I'm and here's the thing Matt

this is reflected in data so like I Scott Scott Galway does a lot of I was actually for the first

thing that actually put words to the things that I was like feeling and noticing in society was

when Scott Galway I'm pretty sure that was who was on Scott Galway yeah he was on direct CEO

yeah this conversation was not I don't necessarily like once again I don't necessarily agree with

every single thing on there or feel the same way about things but like this finally put words

and data to things that I was experiencing and feeling and noticing in society which we would love

to have Scott on the pod go spam Scott to DMs if you want to want to monitor podcast if enough

people seriously guys like best what's crazy about your influence and on who we interview like

if you guys really want us to interview someone let us know like like the comment make the comment

go to the top and we will we can get them on the pod like if if enough of you especially reach

out to them because you want to see them on here is going to happen because you got like you the

people are so powerful so thanks everybody for watching and and I we've listened everything you

said Wes so thank you so let's go back like 50 years so not during our lifetime but like

the very beginning of our parents especially our grandmas like their experience they did not have

access to information like they do now no not at all they needed to get married for financial

security which is so sad imagine getting married to a subpar man just because it was a means of survival

here's the fact that women in the United States legally gained the ability to open bank accounts

apply for credit cards and obtain loans without a male co-signer with the passage of the Equal

Credit Opportunity Act in 1974 that was not that long ago Abby that's goodness that's about 50 years

and look what women have done in that amount of time 50 years and women have 52 years to be exact

holy crap that's what I'm saying like it's something that I feel like a men's pride for women for

like look what we've done in 50 years since we've gotten we've gotten these it's like they literally

just like to finally allow to say and it's like look at look at what we've done women can succeed

but we don't have to crush men beneath our feet to do so that's good like they're there's space

for both of us yep and I feel like that abundance mentality that's what that is you have the abundance

mindset um sorry for interrupting now you're good keep talking there's all these men right now

that feel like they're failing because they're not providing financially for their family as much

as their wife and that is BS there's so much more to providing for your family than then

financial you can there you can do so so much and I think if you view it as like whatever it is

as a man that you're doing to give back to your wife and your kids that that's all that matters

it doesn't matter if it's if it's money because if your wife makes the money cool are you are you loving

your kids are you showing them a good example of what a man is for the future for what you want

future them to be okay that's that's your number one goal right there and if you're doing that

that's all the providence your kids need yes and I feel like that is where like my heart and

this issue truly lies not wanting to like crush our son's masculinity like I want to build that up

I want I want them to be masculine I want our boys to masculine but I think that in 2026 that

needs to be redefined because we've like we've talked about throughout this entire episode this

pencil has been swinging so like when our parents and our grandparents it was like men you your job

is to provide financially to put the roof over their head to be like a fierce protector maybe even

this was misdefined in some ways as like dominance or like like there's some of those harmful parts

of it too where it was like oh like you know what you say you go everyone has to just bow down and

listen it's just like it's like dangerous assertiveness whereas now we need to redefine

healthy masculinity especially as our roles have changed in society because now the women are more

educated and I'm talking in general more educated and making more money like there's a different

role you are you aren't more educated than me and you make more money than me that warrants a

redefinition of masculinity yeah because like now it's proven like the men in their 20s are

floundering and actually a lot of Scott Galway's like messaging is geared towards men in their 20s

because he what are they to find them as like basically like unmariable men like they really just

are kind of lost yeah his big thing is he's saying young men are facing a severe overlooked crisis

with really high rates of addiction loneliness and failure to launch and he actually sites at men

are 12 times more likely to be incarcerated than women and four times more likely to die by suicide

which is actually really really sad when you think about it of course it is like can you imagine

are one of our sons being incarcerated or like taking their own life like can you can you imagine

like that's that's a problem with with men it's really sad but I think really what man need more of

which I think there's stuff that women can do to support men but I think if we're going to talk

about men for a second think what men need more of is is to go to therapy talk talk about their

feelings not to not ignore them not like just disregard them I think it's so toxic this idea that

like men can't cry I'm like starting to embrace more of my like emotions now that I'm older but I

feel like I don't I don't know what it was I don't know if it was society my parents my my like

community I don't know what it is but I like as a man I still feel like it's weak and not masculine

to cry but I think I'm learning I'm think I'm learning that like it's okay to embrace

those emotions and I think really women want emotionally intelligent men they don't want these

men that just completely ignore all feeling now I think women want a safe man they want a man

that provides comfort and maturity and like just just confidence that everything's going to be okay

but along with that though they need their men to be emotionally intelligent or they are most

women I to generalize most women want that well yes because the fact is it's like now that women

don't need been to literally have a roof over their head to achieve any type of status in life

or any type of thing you know what I mean like they used to need to basically ride on the back

yeah you literally don't need me you could you could the fact is that women are still choosing

to marry because yeah we want men like we want good men we want masculine men but we need to have

this redefinition and we need to have this conversation and I can recognize we're saying like this

is a man hating world can come across as like not fully understanding the breadth of where this comes

from yeah and so that's why it's important to have these conversations and understand the nuance

related to it but the fact is Matt is that college educated women still tend to get married they

just get married a little bit later in life about 20 to 25 percent of college educated women

married men with less education and I'm sure that's going to continue to grow I think we're

going to see this gap more and more that's you that's our sister in law atty she has her master's

her brother doesn't have a master's I didn't graduate you did and like my mom that's my my parents

baby my my mom is a civil engineer like she's extremely intelligent I guess they both graduated

degrees with my mom's degree was like twice as hard as my dad's 10 times more hard like I don't know

yeah I think there's like there's definitely a trend there for sure yeah and but women are still

choosing to get married thank you to zocktock for sponsoring this portion of today's episode

raise your hand if you've been putting up a dental cleaning and annual checkup or honestly any kind

of doctors appointment yeah my hands up to this shit we're doing things differently we're finding

doctors we love and booking appointments with zocktock which if you guys haven't heard us talk

about it before it is a free app and website that helps you find a book high quality in network

doctors so you can find someone you love I've used it multiple times you guys when I got a

concussion I did an appointment on zocktock you've also just done well visits with them too we're

talking about booking in network appointments you heard that right in network with more than

150,000 providers across all 50 states whether you're looking for dermatology dentistry primary care

eye care or any one of the other 200 plus specialties offered on zocktock you can easily

search by specialty or symptoms to build the care team that's right for you I use zocktock and

you should too stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to zocktock.com slash unplanned

to find an instantly book a doctor you love today that zocdoc.com slash unplanned zocktock.com

slash unplanned thank zocktock for sponsoring this message this show is sponsored by better help

we're taking a moment to celebrate women in all that they carry at work and relationships and

families and all the many rules that they hold every day women do so much for others and it's

really important that you're also taking that time to fill yourself up and take care of yourself

and an investment I've made in my own self and improving myself and taking care of myself has been

therapy which by the way I feel like I haven't said this enough I'm so proud of you for going to

therapy that's not easy it's hard it's hard but better help makes it just a little bit easier

because with over 30,000 therapists better help is one of the world's largest online therapy

platforms having served over six million people globally better help does the initial matching

work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals a short questionnaire helps identify your needs

and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment

rate means they typically get it right the first time and if you're not happy with the match

you can switch to a different therapist at any time free of charge no questions asked your

emotional well-being matters find support and feel lighter in therapy sign up and get 10% off at

betterhelp.com slash unplanned podcast that's better h-e-l-p.com slash unplanned podcast another

top comment on the video that one viral is a Taylor Swift quote it says if guys don't want me

to write bad songs about them they shouldn't do bad things which fair yeah that's good

fair probably yeah don't be a bad dude here's here's my other issue I take with some I don't

not saying with Taylor Swift like there's not if someone if guy hurts you yeah you can make

a song about it but let's not extend that to the entire gender yeah I actually like T Swift a

lot we have learned not to generalize across many different categories like ability race age all

these things yet genders the one where now it's okay to generalize but only with men yeah that's

where I'm coming from where it's like you have a terrible experience with somebody with a person

and it's like well he's a dude it's because he's a man and it's like this isn't it's not

that's not fair that's not right that's not even true yeah and so that's where my concern is like

with having a two and a three year old as we're as we're this pendulum is swinging this day like

my two and my three year old are building their sense of self right now their their internal dialogue

who they are how they fit in this world what their role is and that's all that is forming right

now at this snapshot in time where the pendulum is over here that's my concern that's why I'm

speaking out about it you know what I mean it's not because I'm like I'm disregarding I don't want

to disregard women I just don't think that we have to put down men to bring up women we are up

we are thriving we are doing amazing and so it's like but it doesn't have to come at the cost of

men in my opinion so how do you as a mom of two boys direct them to be good men how do you point

them in the right direction because it's it's kind of confusing if you tell your kid don't be

this don't be this don't be this no that doesn't work so what do you point them towards that the

thing actually with our parenting that I'm always trying to redirect I catch myself doing it a lot

where I'm like stop don't know yeah don't like all those things where it's like that's really

confusing for them like don't do this well then what am I supposed to do and so they might

continue to do that behavior because you're just like stop no no and then so now I'm always trying

to redirect my discipline towards them to say like do this do this we are this and so that's

more clear I feel like and I've talked about this before but we have like a family mantra and I

really feel like this has been very beneficial to us and all sorts of misbehaviors are behaviors

that we want to redirect and that is howards are and then we've continued to add we have howards are

patient howards are kind and howards are generous so as we're like the first we started off with

because it was just like a lot of the early misbehaviors you see in toddlers which are like

first of all patients it's like mom no no no no no no no and so it's like oh howards are patient

try that again and then they'll say like excuse me and we really we really are very gentle with

that because we know that they they need some gratification right away but just patient became

obvious kind became really obvious because I feel like hitting and just like general like

yelling nastiness like that's impulsive that every human does and so that the kindness kind of

covered a lot of those bases and then also generous because sharing is like really hard for little

kids and so those really helped we've since extended it to gentle because also we're raising

and I feel like like we can't deny the fact that like raising little boys is different from

raising little girls like they there it doesn't this doesn't fit in one box always but in a lot of

experiences with little boys like they're they're more prone to routiness to being physical with

their bodies to wrestling wait what's the what's the song it goes the fruit of the spirit is love joy

peace patience kindness goodness gentleness driving a self-control again some there's no wrong

isn't that it never heard that my life never heard that jangle wonderful let's use that I went to

private Christian school well so high school so like I feel like but I feel like those are like

some timeless principles that you pull from for sure that's definitely where I pull these from

yeah so we added gentleness we need to be gentle we added gentleness especially when it comes to

girls especially that you do that and I think that's great and I think that's also how we're

raising good boys that make me toxic that I go we do not hit but especially not girl no you said

that one time I was like Matt keep that that's great because I think it's it's great that our

boys are instilled with a sense of protectiveness yeah over females I think that's great and that is

a really great example of healthy masculinity like you're protective over them yeah this doesn't

mean that we dominate them we're cruel towards them we flex our muscles over them or like we

like that we protect them that is our role and I think that's beautiful as a woman I am very happy

and pleased to feel protected by yeah and like and I think that this has just been twisted so much

and it's been misused and men have over and so many in the past have messed this up and I feel like

it made to think that that's a bad thing and I feel like another thing that can be like quote-unquote

toxic in a more quote-unquote traditional marriage is like men loving being served by their wife

but I think that that like word of service can can mean so many so many things and I think it only

comes if you're being a respectful man I think I think where where this like deep distrust from

men comes is women that would like serve their husband but their husband wasn't serving them back

right and that is very toxic and very harmful and that service can look different and up until

recently women could not speak up oh totally because we just like women could not bank accounts in

America until the 70s which was 52 years ago so many more so voting gosh my my great grandpa

was born in 23 and I think my great-grandma I think my great-grandma was born in 24 and so I

want to say goodness was she born when did when we get the right to vote and do it she was Google

Matt it was 19 when did when we get the right to vote 19 19 I think so 19 20 okay women

gained the right to vote in the United States in 1920 with the eradication of the 19th amendment

to the United States Constitution it states that the right to vote cannot be denied based on sex

and that was babe that's literally a hundred years ago hundred and six years ago that's the year

they got the right to vote think about how long it takes to change laws yeah practices and women

to eventually be in roles of leadership in our politics I'm not let me add our other howards are

and that is howards are obedient because I also think that it's really important for boys and

girls but I think maybe even more so boys to know that like you have to fall under something

that does that make sense yeah like you have to be obedient to someone bigger than you someone

higher than you yeah a rule book there's a rule book yeah there's a rule there's rules for you to

follow yeah and I think honestly these these rules are pretty universal like I think if you ask

people what it looks like to be a good person if you look at belief systems across cultures 99

percent of the stuff is the exact same and that's why I was asking a I babe I was like help me

understand what's going on here because there's clearly like a tension that exists right now in

the world and I asked chat we see why is there a tension between wanting to raise strong confident

men and the societal pressure that often labels traditional male traits as toxic and it says it's

because there's two different cultural reactions that are happening at the same time society's

trying to correct past problems with masculinity but in doing so it sometimes creates confusion about

the health what healthy masculinity looks like but the reality is like these these big reactions

this stem from reaction to genuine harmful like initially this was because of genuine harmful

behavior by men with aggression with emotional suppression dominance intimidation

and then it just kind of equated some people the thinking of like manhood as like as control or

violence and just these like negative these negative traits I don't know yes those things are bad

but boys today still need to have leadership skills yes boys today still need to have confidence

boys today still need to they needed then and they especially need it now emotional regulation yeah

and and so that's where I feel like this conversation needs to needs to shift towards like like I

keep saying like what does masculinity look like this year it makes me so happy when ever our boys are

struggling with anger when I hear them start to do their breathing exercises yeah it's so cute

that's really why I'm very specific about having them name how they feel yeah and it's not because

I'm like some fluffy parent like very very godmother pick you're not you're not crunchy you're not a

hippie well no you're very you're very white mom from Illinois from the from the Midwest that's not true

what's wrong with that I think that's so sweet no but I think it's very important that they name

their emotions and so this is where that emotion emotional regulation comes from okay so when I

hear them like we've been experiencing a lot in our household is when they're experiencing anger

we're growling yeah yeah or obviously it can escalate to like lashing out yeah and so we always say

our line all the time is like you can be angry but you can't be mean can we just talk about how we

have a growling problem in our house when did the growling what did you first notice the growling

it's honestly been fairly recent why like was it two weeks ago that I've just noticed a consistent

thing and then we had a conversation between the two of us where it was like is this something we

correct yeah and I feel like it's not something we necessarily correct it's more of like we help

them name it yeah understand what they're experiencing yeah so now when they grow I'm like are you

feeling angry yeah and I'm like rather than rather than attacking our kin being like stop growing

stop growing we do not grow growers don't grow no we're just like hey how are you feeling let's

going on yeah are you are you feeling angry and maybe given maybe like hey we're gonna let's

we're gonna do uh we're gonna breathe together okay rainbow breath here we go one two three four

like you know counting slowly yeah they do take deep breaths and I love it when I go wow I feel

better now and they go I feel better and then they'll like I feel better and they do they actually

feel better take a breath we will have them oh sometimes we're like do you just need to take like

take a break do you want to go do something by yourself for a little bit you know it's so funny

Abby is like these simple skills we're teaching our kids sometimes we're like man this is like

this works for adults you know same principles apply breathing doing some breathing exercises when

you're stressed like maybe rather than you know if you're if you're like a wine mom or a beer dad

like on on a Friday night we're like I am so over this crap's going on like you're like

unwinding with you know a substance like it's like you know you could just do a breathing technique

with the same result seriously seriously though um I'm pretty sure the choir here like a lot of

drinks a lot you know so I'm just never literally don't not interested in it but um you told me

that you were gonna never drink alcohol and then I I'm so bad I got you to drink champagne with me

on our on our honey moon and then you've been hooked ever since you're not sure you're not

curving up all like not sure it's not even funny um but uh so also I think about like if we're

leaving a place that our kids are having a lot of fun it's not uncommon for them to like

throw themselves on the ground you know big reactions and so help instead of just

getting on that behavior they're they keep things interesting it's I'm first like urging myself

to like reminding myself to just be like hey are you feeling disappointed yeah because it's like

man I hate leaving a place that I'm having a lot of fun at and just like trying to help them

understand what they're experiencing emotionally in their bodies Abby sometimes I wonder my

purpose in these conversations because I literally can just hand you the mic and you can do a

TED talk like you're such a good speaker I think it because I don't know even I'll like review I'll

do editorial review of our podcast and I'm like I'm just speaking some stoop and stuff and you're

out here like just dropping line after line no no no no but what I'm saying is that it's really

important for me that my boys understand their thoughts because I do already notice a difference

this is just my experience but I do already notice a difference in my two and three-year-old boys

and then our friends that have two and three-year-old girls oh yeah and that crazy like just the nature

of boys and girls acting completely different this is and here's the thing why does it feel it

shouldn't feel scary for me to say this publicly oh yeah wait why is it but it does feel me

feel me in on why it's scary I'm I'm not freaking well I'm just saying it feels that way to wreck

it feels scary to recognize like there is a developmental difference between boys and little boys

and little girls but why is there well just because it's the subject of gender is very touchy

and very sensitive and it's very it's deeply personal but I'm just speaking from our experience

of watching our little boys grow up next to little girls and I always describe it as this is

also such a big generality yeah isn't like we have friends that have little boys that are

very very sensitive and very like very emotional very um gentle like all these things that we

typically ascribe to femininity yeah and they're very much a little boy too but I'm just

speaking in general terms here but I'm noticing this is the this is the best way that I can

generalize the difference I notice so say one of our kids gets hit one of our boys gets hit

what do you mean hit oh like they're fine yeah a friend hit them out that part of their body that

they got hit hurts and then as soon as it stops stinging they're back to playing whereas I've

noticed more in general our friends have little girls that are two and three like they get hit

and then it stops stinging but they're still crying because now their feelings are also hurt

like their friend chose to hurt them like their friend used their body to harm them and I'm

noticing that that doesn't necessarily play a big role at this moment with our specific boys

and some of my other friends that have had boys so you're a lot more emotionally intelligent than me

and way more mature than me so I'm gonna ask you this question stuff feel like you would know

the answer but giving me this I'm not an extra I know but I just feel like you you I don't know

you're just smarter than me anyway uh question how do you raise emotionally intelligent masculine

men like yeah strong leaders but then at the same time recognize that they're they're gay kids

out there and you and you this has nothing to a sexuality in my opinion really so like do you

raise if you have a gay son do you raise them to be masculine like what I don't even know

the answer for that how do you rate I don't know like because if this is this just shows like

you were raised with such a rigid view of masculinity in my opinion oh frick damn I really I really

was gosh dang it um yeah yeah and I'm not this isn't this isn't a critique of your parents yeah

this was the times and I don't know why this is me saying that the times are now different

and and here's the thing if we don't change it men are falling behind that is like what we said

earlier was scat galloway like with with how men are not were they're falling behind yeah and he

has all these factors that attribute to that but let me get to the your question first of all I am

no expert I have a two and a three year old let me just say this right now my boys are little

they are not men and there's I'm not a good case study to say like oh I know how to raise men

I'm still I'm just figuring this out and I just want to figure it out in real time with

real parents of little kids and so like I just think that this should be a conversation these

are the conversations I'm having with my friends all the time and so like there's something that

I'm interested in talking about also on our platforms but what I'm saying is like first of all

I don't know they answer let's just start by saying that I'm no expert in this area but the first

my first knee jerk response to you asking that question is that empathy needs to specifically be

talked intentionally with boys empathy like really really working on that and so like with our

kids and I've noticed a lot of my friends doing this too so I've like learned this from them it's

like okay like you for instance day one of our boys got in a physical altercation oh my gosh I

don't know this it's unlike them that happened today it's unlike them but you know they're that's

so sad was everybody okay everybody's fine and but I think that no blood right no blood okay but it

was just a sucker punch this stomach and then we do what did we do we do time out for them to

learn and think about we actually just had a conversation didn't feel like there needed to be

consequences this one because we didn't witness it we punched another kid and we didn't do time out

he didn't put he was the one who got punched but it didn't it's totally okay so here what I'm saying

did you feel the urge to lie be like you better freaking put your hidden time out or you know because

I just was approaching with curiosity because I didn't see it and so that's a really hard thing

about like with little kids you're like kind of like what actually did happen here one of you's

crying one of you's like saying something happened so but what I'm saying is that like with

when these things happen really intentionally teaching empathy of like how did how do you think

that made some feel check on them make sure they're okay that's good like we don't how would how would

you feel if you were treated this way and so like having to really really be intentional specifically

with the little boys about teaching empathy for others at I think that's that's extremely important

because I think I take for granted being a girl like empathy is just maybe something that's just

more naturally running through my veins than like boys necessarily you're so much more empathetic

than me I have so much to learn from you like where did you learn the deep empathy that you have

that's what I'm saying I just think is there was there a woman in your life like it was at your

mom your grandma that like I was treated with empathy and so like and I was parented with empathy

yeah and I also think this is like maybe just like natural thing I was also observed but I'm just

saying that that with boys being intentional about that so our family rules to sum all that up

is howards are patient kind generous obedient and gentle it doesn't matter the order because they're

never actually used in order yeah that makes sense it's always like we're isolating one yeah

and like in practice but it's good like we should frame that we should have those like keep changing

as they get older but maybe we like frame it and then we put like some lines underneath to show

that like that it can evolve like yeah who we are I don't think it needs to be confusing but we

also have a couple other mantras I did not I took this from another family I can't remember the

first family I learned this from but we always say howards do hard things where it's like oh if

they don't we don't really struggle with this a lot because we do have very like very confident

brave little boys but if they're like I think this is I think about this one we had signed them

up for soccer and they didn't want to do it let's add in brave howards are brave I like that

well this comes up to yeah we see all the time I'm like you're brave I resonate things I think

it's just like unprocessed trauma or just like stuff I need to work through in therapy but like

something about being brave like I resonate with that attribute because I feel like being brave

makes me feel like I can like I can mean something do something like it makes me I don't know it gets

me excited it's scary to be brave but I think it's admirable to do to be brave for the right

reasons to to go in and like make a difference in the world and be a good person yeah honestly

actually the book I'm reading is talking about the difference between bravery and courage like

being brave and being having courage what is the difference I think that probably having

courage is better because being brave is like not feeling fear like I'm not fearing it but having

courage is like feeling the fear and still doing it people can disagree with this but I do say

my voice like when things are like small like I say it's not a big deal because I feel like when

you're a little new human to the world like everything can feel very alarming because everything

is new everything is scary everything is like max volume right of like oh I have no frame of

reference for this thing that's happened and it and it elicits like the largest response possible

that's topless they're just walking talking nervous systems yeah and so I feel like as a parent

it's okay for me to acknowledge that but then to also follow up with saying it's actually not

that big of a deal yeah and so the air the air that that falls in a lot I feel like in practice

in our parenting because I don't want to just speak in broad terms and not be specific about this

is like the color of their vitamin the color of their plate the color of it's like okay in general

I know that you like green and you like blue but guess what and the grand scheme of things

it's not a big deal and so sometimes I do have to break that and I had to intentionally break

that with the vitamins because we didn't like I was really like okay we're going to find out

what we get today and I feel mean when I do this babe but like if our kid is throwing a fit

to get something he wants that's like just so like I'm already caving like they've asked for

a second book during a bedtime and then they asked for a third when it's like guys like we're

supposed to do one book I gave you an extra one it's past your bedtime already like we played

in the pool and it's 8 30 bedtime we want to do 8 pm but you know so it's just one of those

things where then you almost have to pull the card of okay I guess we're not going to do

uh like like maybe oh I'm about to read the second book but they're begging they're like no I

don't want to I want three books and it's like no this is what we're doing and then I have to say

okay I guess we're not going to have the book because we're throwing a fit and we're we're not

being respectful and so I think it's like you have to have those like uncomfortable conversation

with your kid um but it's further benefit even if it's just as simple as saying like hey sorry

today you don't get the green cap so like what you're exactly saying is also the reason why I always

tell our kids first of all everybody has consequences kids need to learn from an early age that like

your behavior your actions do have consequences yeah and so it's like I don't want to protect them

from that their entire childhood only for them to be an adult and they take a misstep and then

all of a sudden they're facing real world adult consequences and we're like what the heck like I

thought thought I was immune to all this stuff and so I always but I also don't want them to

receive consequences without understanding and love and empathy about it now I always say when

they have a consequence I'm like I wanted to give you this but everyone has consequences right

and then I also follow up with the why behind consequences and so that's where we have another

mantra I like literally repeat myself all the time with our kids but I just really want to

hound it in their heads and keep it simple and I always say why do we have consequences and it's

because becoming a good man starts when and then they're like now and so like we always talk

about that and it's funny too like talking about generals too I want to say like it was either

Griffin or Augie that said they wanted to marry their brother and it's like I don't think

you need to explain it's not that serious it's not that serious like I think like maybe an old

school view of that would be like no no you can only marry your girl like I don't know you'd like a

parent would like freak out I mean I don't know it's just like that's not like you can just talk

about this stuff at age appropriate times it's not a big deal and if you want to marry their brother

and if your two-year-old wants to throw on a dress because they're playing dress up and they're

trying on dresses and spider-man costumes and batman costumes you don't you don't say no to the

dress you just let them put on the dress because they're just being a two-year-old well and also

because wearing a dress is not what makes you feminine yeah and wearing and wearing not not wearing

a dress is not what makes you masculine which brings us to the conversation of masculinity again

I think a parent's role is to love their kid and support them and and really anything they want to

do in a in a way that's like loving and so I think if your kid you know says like well I want

to be a princess you're gonna get eventually got to break the news of them that princesses aren't

real and but other than like the queen of England but I think you like you love them through that

and you tell them that like you look at them you you view them as a princess and you just want to

see them like you know not not just be happy but like find purpose and meaning and love and joy

and get back to the world so kind of to come back to what I was talking about earlier about like

healthy masculinity I think that includes empathy and consideration consider deep consideration

for everyone around you because I think a big part of healthy masculinity should be service

yeah and so that's why I talked to our boys all the time like for instance when we had groceries

at the front door I expected our boys to carry the groceries for me from the front door to the

kitchen yeah and I kept saying thank you gentlemen thank you gentlemen because he should know that

as they should know as males like a big part of their role and as a as a man is to serve

and so I'm always like yeah you should serve me by carrying my groceries which is great

which is really really good I love I love that we're teaching them to like be a part of our

household and help put away the groceries with dad or to help hold open the door for mom like

dad does for mom but in addition to that I think something that we're not doing that we can do

a better job of is in addition to our financial giving because we've been giving a portion of our

revenue every year since the beginning of our social media journey we've been giving a portion

of our revenue to charity every year but we don't give a portion of our time in addition to the

financial backing we're giving to different charities that we love like St. Jude charity water

give well these are all charities that we've given um generously too because we just care about

making the world a better place um and we've done podcasts with two of the yeah we did a

St. Jude podcast a charity water podcast we haven't done a podcast yet for give well but I'd

love to do a podcast with them because really really love what they do but um I think having

that like physical component as a family like on Saturdays we go and we help the local food bank

for two hours and then our kids can learn that like aspect of service and how important that is

to get back the world I think that's I think that's really important I think it's really really

important I definitely need to I've talked about this before like that is something that we

definitely need to improve on and also invite our kids along on that journey is like serving their

community but more than anything I'm also talking about just like serving in the home like they

should know that part of being a man is serving those around you and specifically serving the women

around you I really believe that and I think you also model that really well in our household

with like how you talk to me and what you how you take care of me and that is very much evident

in the way that our kids talk to me okay fill me in on this because I had a juicy question for you

what is something that I do a good job of as far as leading by example for the boys and then what

scenario I can improve on I was actually just leading into this like our kids like you can see

the fruit of how you've modeled what it looks like to be a loving manly husband and the way

that our kids talk to me wait that kind of turns me out you like hyping me up right now is like

literally well our kids tell me I've got the hot for you right now babe got the hot they're like

mommy you're beautiful or if I'm like sad they're like it's gonna be okay wait I love that why

do I love that our kids say that to you like are you worried no I love when augy says if you're

crying about like miscarriage and and missing Emerson the boys will literally say to you it's gonna be

okay mom it's gonna be okay and I'm just like tears like it's just like I love that they're

comforting you like they it's it's very I'm so grateful that they have you as an example to look

to because like you are an amazing example of what it means to be manly nowadays like you're

literally and here's the thing that makes me so freaking mad and where my comment came from

back three years ago is I think any creator that is a couple that is in the same spaces as us

has definitely experienced as I feel this without a shadow of a doubt whereas if the husband displays

sensitivity emotional any type of emotional cake aspect being emotional at all yeah kindness sweetness

gentleness all the comments are like run girl he's gay he's gay I've been I've been told I'm

gay my entire life and you know what let's let's those people that are that are commenting that

are feeling that are saying that let's also have empathy for them because they were raised in

the same society in culture too where they were probably told if they had any type of emotion as a

kid that they were gay this just shows a misunderstanding of mismasculinity within myself there is

masculinity and femininity wait that's uncomfortable with you there is masculinity and femininity why does

why does it make me as uncomfortable as a man and the time that I was raised in to like say in me

as a man there's masculinity and femininity like why does femininity like why do I feel like I don't

know like that word once again it's just the time you're raised it sounds like a chill very easy

for me to say like in me there's masculinity like I don't I was kind of raised in the girl power era

which I'm grateful for I'm so grateful for like I was encouraged to succeed I was encouraged to be

strong resilient like all these things and like that's why I also feel it is my duty to also reflect

that too towards our young men thank you to Oli Pop for sponsoring this portion of today's

episode we are truly an Oli Pop household over here we recently made a family mantra and we had

a lot of serious things in there but we also did add that we will always be well stocked with

beverages for guests that into our home which is a great job of by the way that basically just means

that we stock up on Oli Pop you did that you stocked our fridge just a couple days ago with like

20 different Oli Pop flavors nearly empty now though because Oli Pop is so delicious if you

don't know what it is it is a new kind of soda that combines the classic soda taste that we all

grew up with loving oh yeah but with the benefits of a functional ingredient blend to support digestive

health you really wouldn't know though because they really taste so good but they are reimagining

soda with high fiber and low sugar and a lot of their flavors are rooted in nostalgia which I

also love this has two grams of sugar two grams that's so good all-time favorite flavor is the cream

soda so I make sure we get lots of those I personally love the grape one but all of them really

are so delicious right now you can get a free can of Oli Pop by any two cans of Oli Pop in store and

will pay you back for one works on any flavor any retailer Oli Pop is sold online at drinkolipop.com

and amazon and it's also available in the soda aisle and with the chilled beverages at thousands

of retailers nationwide including Walmart, Target, Costco and Whole Foods for more information go to

drinkolipop.com slash unplanned thank you to Kindred Bravely for sponsoring this portion of today's

episode I remember so distinctly and I'm sure a lot of you listening can also remember it when

you hit that point in pregnancy and again in postpartum where you just want one thing to feel easy

once nursing and pumping were in the mix too I realized I needed a specific bra designed for this

specific chapter of my life and that is why I seriously love Kindred Bravely and you don't know

what they are they make intimates in apparel for maternity postpartum and breastfeeding as well as

baby essentials too all designed to make early motherhood feel a little less overwhelming and a lot

more supported one of my good friends is about to have a baby and I already have stocked up on a

couple Kindred Bravely items. They're pumping and nursing bras are essential in my mind they have

great cozy sets that are very conducive towards breastfeeding and also their bras are really unmatched

because some nursing bras they're not all created alike and I love that they have a sleep one too

because that is a unique time in my life where I specifically wanted a bra for sleeping and you

have specific needs for that but then also when it comes to during the day I still want to feel

feminine and put together and have some good shape and that is exactly what their bras offer they

have been trusted by millions of moms since 2015 for a reason and everything is designed by moms

who have been there. Right now Kindred Bravely is offering our listeners 20% off your first order

when you go to Kindred Bravely.com slash unplanned that's Kindred Bravely.com slash unplanned for 20% off

your first order. Make sure you use our links so that they know that we sent you exclusions apply.

They get a flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Have you ever been in a situation

where you don't have a good razor and you're cutting your skin and there's blood and you're sad.

I've done that. That's been sad. I've done that so many times. I might tell you as a woman that

is a tale is oldest time. I have sensitive skin. We have been stealing our husband's razors because

these razors are cute and all that they are marketing towards women but they just don't do the job.

We need sharp razors. If you have my leg right now. Wow. That is a close shake. That is a great

leg. That is a great leg. That is all thanks to flamingo. Here's how it all happened. The women who

helped build herries found themselves rolling their eyes when other companies were just shrinking

men's razors and making them pink. So they decided to shake things up a little bit and that's how

flamingo was born to give women shaving solutions made with their bodies in mind. Their starter said

has everything you could need whether it's time for an everything shower if you know what I mean

or even if you just need to shape up your brow line. They have facial razors. They have great

body razors. They're also cute and aesthetic. They look great in your shower if that matters to you.

Like it does to me. They even have a little thing where you can set your razor up so it's not

sitting in water getting rusty and gross and unhygienic which I really appreciate too.

And for a limited time our listeners can get flamingos starter set for only $7 at shop flamingo.com

slash unplanned. This set includes the flamingo original razor, one five blade cartridge,

a one ounce foaming shave gel and a shower holder. Just head to shop flamingo.com slash unplanned

to claim this offer and after you purchase the ask where you heard about them please please

please support our show and tell them we sent in. I know we touched on this already and I think

I know the answer to this but I want to hear you say it out loud for everyone listening right now

with women making more than men how should men respond in the home? What should men do? First of all

I think we need to view income for a household differently. Like I don't look at our income as

like what I make and what you make. I have no idea what dollar amount I make and versus what dollar

amount you make. It's what we make. I think it's a fragile masculine view but I think the viewpoint is

like well if my wife's making more than me I'm insignificant. I'm not I'm not I'm not contributing.

I'm supposed to be the provider. I'm not providing for my family because I think it's a very... I

genuinely do not think women care about money. I think that's the black and white view of men.

Like men think that if they can make more money they can provide security and like provision

for their families. I think men are just in the in this view of masculinity men are set up to fail.

If men are viewed as valuable for the amount of dollars they bring home every year every month

then we're just setting them up for failure limiting masculinity to that. And how is this

to try and effect it then by childbirth because I feel like the women making more than men are probably

mostly women that are probably not married or probably don't have kids. I don't know there's a lot

of working moms out there. True true there are. Yeah actually that's a really good point.

I'm not sure that that's actually even true. Wait actually you're right like I think like even in

our own life I want to say both of our sister-in-laws make more than their husbands and I think like

we're probably seeing this trend we've seen it in our life and some sure people are singing in

their life too. Of course and I think that like a lot of women got these like really big careers

very high opportunity careers well paying jobs. Yeah. And then they find themselves like maybe

making more than their spouse and then having a kid and then feeling like oh man now I actually

kind of want to stay home with that baby but then it's like oh I am bringing the bulk of the income

home each month. That makes me think of the TikTok with the Mrs. Incredible audio that's like

come on girls. Leave the same world to the men. I don't think so. I love that. See I love that.

I like that too. And I also think never mind. I'm not going to say that loud.

Sorry. I think Mrs. Incredible is attracted but I think you're more attractive so I think that

makes me like that just I just gave you a really big compliment. Great. Yeah. I think also modern

masculinity or help modern healthy masculinity looks like good communication and that which also

comes from like empathy and from consideration. I'm saying some unhinged stuff today. I'm like I

got to be careful with the clipping of this. Another thing that I think is really important

specifically in us raising strong confident resilient young men that are also very empathetic

and considerate and kind and gentle is critical thinking skills. I think that's specifically like

what is the calling for men nowadays is to be really strong critical thinkers because I think

that's part of being a good leader and I still want to raise our boys to be strong leaders and

so a part of that is like having really good critical thinking skills. I feel like a lot of times

like at least in our relationship where I'm like oh my gosh like this is something that's like new

and I'm not really sure how to like I'm not really sure like I'm kind of like feeling out of sorts

or like this is big and I'm like Matt I like look to you and I feel like you have amazing

critical thinking skills and that's like why I think that's like a unique special gift. It's not

like women don't have it too but like that is really like strong. Why does that make me feel like

an alpha whenever you like turn to me? I does it that's good and so I feel like with our boys it's like

I really want to help teach them critical thinking skills so how this comes into play

because I also want to be practical about this conversation. I don't want to just be speaking

in general terms like I said how it comes to play is when they're when they are given a consequence

it's like if they're taking a break for like one or two minutes or whatever like they don't get

the fruit snack or whatever your consequences are in your household obviously keep them appropriate

as having a conversation to help strengthen those those critical thinking skills. Yeah.

And so it's not like we're just doling out consequences for no reason they don't understand it

doesn't lead to behavior modification down the line as we say like hey what did you do wrong?

What should you do differently next time and then what should you do now?

Yeah that is them thinking critically through like okay we did not just give a consequence

to give a consequence and then we always say like I didn't want to give you this consequence but

raising good men starts now and everyone has consequences and so we talk about like even with us

like I love when there's like a situation in life where it's like oh we have to have this consequence

like for us. Yeah. Mommy has this consequence because I didn't do this or yeah like if I'm running late.

No I love it like what's an example of Griffin telling me something maybe one time I was like

driving like five miles per hour in a parking lot and my seatbelt wasn't on it's like dad you

got to buckle up like and then it's like oh my goodness like Griffin I forgot. I need to pull over

and I'm not going to explain to him as like he's a three year old so he doesn't he's not going to

fully understand like how driving 20 feet in a parking lot going five miles per hour isn't a big deal

if you buckle up but because he understands the rules I want to reinforce like great job like you

recognize the rule that we have in this world and these rules are set up to protect us and so I'm

going to like I'm going to praise you for that like thanks for reminding me but I'm not going to be like

oh dad doesn't have to fall the rules I do whatever the if I want like no yeah like you like that's

also you modeling like oh I'm submitting myself to like a three year old I'm submitting myself to a

three year old I'm looking to a three year old but like they can see you once again not being too

big or too proud I'm acknowledging my two three year old you acknowledging your role in society too

and so um all that to say like I really want to make sure I feel like that's how critical thinking

skills can play a role in like it specifically comes in like after having consequences with our kids

yeah I feel like a lot of this is kind of making it sound like I feel like I know everything and it's

like that's literally not the case at all I'm constantly having conversations with my friends of

like how can I learn this or like reading books or like just learning and I feel like honestly a lot

of this is best done through conversation and the only authority we have on the topic is the fact

that we are parents we have two boys we're not really much of an authority there's a lot of parents

out there we're not experts we're not we didn't go to school at Harvard or get a master's in

family like like practice counseling in therapy that's not us we're not emergent the family

therapist okay our degrees not in this but we're just talking about our own life and our own

experience yeah I also want to say like I feel so proud of our boys uh in specific circumstances

and I always praise the heck out of it when I see these things happen so we had a little friend come

over who was three-year-old girl she's playing and then um I noticed that like our dog had scratched

her and she was really sad about it oh wait I know who this is I hate that and she thought to go

to our oldest directly she's like hey like I'm sad because pretzel scratched me and our son

and put his arm around her and he gave her a hug he gave her a hug and he like looked

checked out he looked at her wound he looked at it and then he proceeded to walk over to our

sliding glass door where she was outside and he threw the glass he's like don't do that again pretzel

and I feel like that is very that was just a beautiful picture of him being protective of women but

then he also like checked to make sure that she was okay and he cared for her emotions gave her a

hug yeah and then went and it was like I'm gonna defend you yeah and so I feel like all of these

things are like really really such good things at their foundation yeah now can these things be twisted

to be miss you like this can this masculine masculine trait be twisted to be toxic or to be harmful

towards women yeah or to be just like belittling yes it can but like that is such a beautiful

picture to me I'm like hey Griffin thank you so much for protecting her thank you so much for

caring for her having empathy for her and we don't necessarily use all those words but I'm like really

thank you for checking in on her thank you for giving her a hug thank you for like doing these

things and it just makes me so so proud and my main thing first of all if the term man hating culture

is like offensive I that's not my goal at all that was just how I was experiencing it because I

just never want my little boys to go about their life and just hear these things and take them on

as they're developing their view of themselves in their role in the world to hear like I hate men

men are the worst and then be like man there's something wrong with me like there's something I'm

not capable of this like there's just just such a defeated I don't I never want that to happen

like I want them to feel empowered in their unique role as a man like I want them to feel empowered

in that yeah and I feel like a man that's properly empowered is not one that is going to be

abusive like misused power yeah any of those what I think a lot of them I think men that have

positions of power that do harmful things in society and in the world probably are just men that

need to go therapy and and haven't been and haven't worked and haven't worked through personal

things that they're now like they're searching for something that they're never going to find

because it's just they need to put in the works for themselves which I also want to like applaud you

on because when you go to therapy it's not like okay they're like wait where's dad going it's not like

you're like I'm just gonna go out and do tinker with the car you're like I'm going to therapy

and you're making that normal making it normal to be like I have things I want to work on yeah

making that healthy and making that like okay for them to be like okay I can go to therapy too

and I feel like a lot of boys a lot yeah and also let's props to your dad and old model that

for you too which was my dad never done my my dad I am proud of my dad for being open about

going to couples therapy I think the next step that I've taken that I guess I should be proud of

myself as individual because that wasn't modeled for me yeah what was modeled is going to therapy

for you but I'm not demonized therapy in general but my parents yeah individual therapy was not

modeled for me and so for me to take that step myself I'm proud of myself for that and I think

it's important for like I truly mean this like I'm not trying to just like sell everyone on therapy

but I do really believe that everyone literally everyone could gain value in therapy even if it's

just a few times right for sure and if therapy isn't like a financial option at a certain time

yes like having having candid raw vulnerable conversations with trusted community really can

have very similar effect which something I need to work on is like just to be candid and vulnerable

for a second like I there's conversations I have with my therapist that I don't think I could have

with any of my friends which which is I feel like that I wish it wasn't that way I don't know

what it is with me it's I take full ownership for it I don't know what it is about me where I feel

like I can't share some of those things those things with my closest guy friends but I literally

have told it's like it's like my therapy like I've told my therapist like everything just like you you

know so it's just I don't know but I want to say too like that is a great example of masculinity

for our boys as you being willing to work on yourself actively as a as a grown man and specifically

working on yourself in an emotional capacity that's huge and that's so important and I feel like

that also needs to be included in our definition of modern masculinity yeah and can I say this too

this is this might be a bit of a hot take but I don't think your spouse can be your therapist

you cannot expect your spouse to meet each and every emotional need you have

man or woman it does not matter like you need to find healthy outlets for your emotions especially

the big ones that you know everybody has them everyone has different ways of dealing with them

but I think it's like extremely toxic for a husband or wife to to expect their their spouse to

meet all of that and I've definitely been guilty of there's been times where I'm like oh I have

you need to do this for me and I think a really good place if you're ever in a state of bitterness

I think like for me to have this this this realization of what can I do it's like that saying what

look not to what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country I think that's

John F. Kennedy somebody quote me on that I said I've quote I've posted I've quoted that in the

past and people were like oh yeah that's the quote by and then I forget who it is every time

my memories not that great but in your marriage same thing what can you do for your marriage what

can you do to make your marriage better which once again goes into service and I think like

both men and women on the side of like hate like almost if you're finding yourself as a man or

woman being finding hatred for a gender period it doesn't matter which one it is doesn't matter

for you it's the same gender that you are it doesn't matter if it's a different gender

regardless of what the hatred is if you're finding that think about it put yourself in their shoes

think about it from a different perspective and I think it's just important to always do that

well let's also recognize like why this became so popular yeah in my opinion I feel like a lot of

it has to do with our algorithms they promote the most angry the most like emotion infused response

the most like I feel like that put a major role in why I was real arriving to the conclusion of

like oh we're living in a man hate world because the big the videos that are like the most anger driven

the most stereotyping the most emotional like those are the ones that are getting promoted those

are ones again the most comments the most getting likes shares all of those things and that's

where I like arrived at that conclusion and I'm like I'm not fully I still necessarily fully disagree

with that um but I do think that yeah like that clip that definitely did not recognize the nuance

that this issue the complexity of this issue and like why we're seeing this pendulum swing this

way yeah um because of all the oppression and hate and abuse and mistreatment that's what causes

that I think the problem social media I think I think it's a bit part of the drama the drama

and the tea gets clicks and I think that's why we see I think yeah all of that leads to the voices of

people hating on men and then the men that are then hating on women like the red pill community

like I think that's like where you get all this drama and then you get these sides and it's just

a lot of conflict yeah and I just want to say like as a mom to two young boys I am not afraid

to raise my boys to be masculine yeah like that is something that that's like literally one of my

goals yeah and in my mind that comes with so much nuance but it is I want them to be strong yeah I want

them to be resilient I want them to be good leaders yeah and I want them to be protective yeah like

those are things that I'm like I uniquely want that for them as boys now that doesn't mean that if

I have a little girl that I don't also want her to raise her to be those things yeah these are like

these are primary goals for me as a boy mom this is like a messy sensitive topic and like I don't

want to act like I'm disregarding that at all and I want to be very empathetic towards that like

my thoughts aren't fully collected but I've just been having these and it feels scary to voice them

because of responses like we got in the past yeah but I don't want that fear to hold me back from

having a conversation that feels important to me as a mom of two boys and it's important to me too

and I think it would be silly for us to not talk about what we believe like it's important it's

important to talk about you believe and then also like I think the beauty of social media is the

connection that we have and we can share these ideas you know even though the that was a 22 second

clip by the way that blew up and and got some you know maybe negative comments but I think like

there's a lot we can learn from that there's a lot that our viewers that believe a lot of the

same things we believe can learn from different viewpoints and I think it's really important as a

society especially in today's day and age to listen to other viewpoints because that's what brings

us together we don't need to we don't need to continue to divide up as a country and as a world

we need to build bridges to one another and talk about these things well guys thank you so much

for tuning in again if you have not left a review for the podcast please please do that it's also

free to subscribe and hit the like button completely free way you can support the show

um because it's free to watch it we don't charge you guys a penny so thank you and thank you

to our sponsors for um allowing us to keep the show going and continuing to build the team so we

can make better episodes for you guys thank you so much and until next time

two good and co-coffee creamers are made with farm fresh cream real milk and contain three

grams of sugar per serving that's 40% less than the five grams per serving in leading traditional

coffee creamers for a rich delicious experience whether you enjoy your coffee hot cold

bold or frothy two good coffee creamers make every sip a good one two good coffee creamers real

goodness in every sip find them at your local croaker in the creamer aisle

this message is brought to you by the capital one venture x card venture x offers the premium

benefits you expect like a three hundred dollar annual capital one travel credit for less than you

expect elevate your earn with unlimited double miles on every purchase bringing you one step closer

to your next dream destination plus enjoy access to over one thousand airport lounges worldwide

the capital one venture x card what's in your wallet terms apply lounges access is subject to

change see capital one dot com for details