Spring Break Plot Twists

Hey y'all, I'm Cassidy, the favorite daughter, obviously.

And I'm Kim, her mom, her match, and the real reason she turned out halfway decent.

Welcome to mom's favorite, the podcast where we laugh, vent, and over share like it's

our full-time job.

And we're coming straight to you from Austin, Texas, where the case is hot, the opinions

are hotter, and we don't sugarcoat a damn thing.

Just think of us as Thelma and Louise, but only they're related and they have a podcast

instead of a death wish.

So go ahead and pour yourself something strong, maybe margarita, get a little snack.

Because here on mom's favorite, we got a lot to untangle.

Welcome back, everybody.

We are so glad you're here with us today.

And we are excited to be together again in the recording studio right now.

Today we're catching up on what we've been doing lately and also touching on some very

real and relatable parenting struggles.

Yep, we are going to talk about the emotional whiplash of your kids growing up from teenagers

and then into adulthood.

It's equally amazing and horrible, but we're hoping to give you a little bit of perspective.

We hear you, we see you, we are you.

Amen.

Now let's get into it.

Amen.

Amen.

So we thought we would just kind of start out by talking about what we've been up to lately.

Yeah, what have we been up to lately?

We just spring break was just last week, which I'm sure all the parents out there hate

spring break.

Do what did I hate spring break because your kids are there all the time, everybody.

Some people actually enjoy time with their children.

They lie.

No, I'm just kidding.

Lies.

Yeah, I mean, if you get to like go on vacation or do a fun thing, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course, honestly going anywhere on spring break is the worst time of ever to go anywhere.

And especially this year, because of all the travel issues and the TSA issues, I wouldn't

want to be going anywhere.

I just soon stay home and do spring break at home, which is kind of what we did.

Yeah.

And why did we wind up doing that, Cass?

Well, we have to work number one.

No.

Well, we, I know, Shep and Grammy just had their little, their little interview, the little

birthday episode, which was hilarious.

And that kid is, please don't believe anything.

He says, I promise you, he's not talking back to teachers.

And if he is, I've never heard one word about it.

All I get is reports that he's a good boy.

So I'm like, quit showing off.

He's, he's a mess.

But I think sometimes he says things for shock value.

Yeah, we call it rage bait.

Yeah.

He does do a lot of rage bait and so we've learned that the best, the best response is

no response.

Yeah.

That's true.

Because he's looking to get, looking to get a rise out of you.

But yeah.

So, you know, the kids had school all week and then Friday was the day after Shep's birthday.

He went to school.

He came home and I'm like, it's like the start of spring break and he's like one day

and to being 10 and, you know, he's like, come in the garage with me because something

about that kid is like, he can't do anything alone.

He's like, gotta have like a shaperone for every shame.

Yeah.

He means his bitch.

He can't aim me.

And so he's like, so he has ridden a bike before like when he was five, but then he

like decided, he didn't like riding bikes.

So now he doesn't know how to ride a bike and I keep telling him, no kid doesn't know

how to ride a bike.

You've got to learn how to ride a bike.

You've done it before.

You can do it again.

And so he like got this idea in his mind to get the bikes out.

So we got the bikes out.

We pumped up all the tires.

We were like trying to get him to ride and he was like just like not getting it also because

I think he's a little bit of a scary cat because he didn't want to fall.

It's just funny because he did end up falling, but he moved on to this thing called a Delta

Wing Scooter, which he literally never rides.

He hasn't nobody's touched that thing in like two years, at least.

What's a Delta Wing Scooter?

It's a thing you got, you got for them, but it's like a scooter that has two things for

your feet instead of one and you put both feet on them and you kind of push side to

side.

Okay.

So he was on that and he was not going very fast at all because if he was, I would have

been like, you need a bit of helmet on.

He was like barely rolling, but I don't know what happened.

I think he started going downhill a little bit and he panicked.

I think he just panicked.

He says, my vision went white, all dramatic.

My vision went white and I just fell backwards.

Well, long story long, he fell and landed on his hands and broke his wrist the day one

of spring break.

But I said, that's the wrong kind of break friend.

Yeah.

So I was like, now he's just been like extra needy.

It was the worst the first couple of days until he got his cast on because he couldn't

pull down his own pants or pull up his own pants.

So he needs a little.

That was real.

That was me pulling his pants down and he's like, okay, give me privacy.

He is totally fine and he's able to pull his own pants down now, but he's bored because

his thumb is in the cast and you don't realize how much stuff you need your thumbs for, especially

when you're a 10 year old boy and you like to play video games and VR.

And so he's been just like, he's already a schemer.

You know, he's like always scheming up some plans.

But now that he can't do his usual things, he's like, just has all these wild ideas this

morning at 9 a.m. I was making popcorn on the stove top.

Oh my gosh.

He comes up with these ideas for you.

Yeah.

Hey, that's exactly right.

That's exactly right.

And if I try to say, well, can we do that later?

No.

You know, it's like a whole meltdown like, oh, geez, Louise, this kid is trying to kill

me.

That's kind of what it's like with Jake is that he is always planning something or he's

scheming something.

And then when he's even doing the thing that he planned, he's scheming the next.

Yeah.

I don't know what that is.

It's like it's an insatiable.

It is thing.

It is.

He's got to be doing something.

That's don't mean seeking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That chef's exactly the same.

He's like always exhausting as a parent.

Oh, it totally is.

And then it's always like, if he sees anything like on a video, if it's like an activity,

he's like, I've got to do that thing or if it's like an item, I want to buy that thing.

Can you buy me this?

Can you buy me this?

Can we get this?

Can we go here?

Can we go there?

Bro.

Yeah.

Going to smother you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I've got one like that too.

And it is very, very exhausting.

And then, you know, they get, most of the time, those kids also can't accept no.

No.

Yeah.

It's very hard.

You learn just out of survival as a parent to those type of kids that unfortunately you

fall into the, the, the habit of just giving in and just get a lot because it is so not

worth a meltdown.

It is so not worth a meltdown.

It is so not worth the crap that comes along with it.

And I know that's, that's just one of the things that you don't do is parenting.

But unfortunately, when you've got kids that do have differently wired brains, they do

require some different type of parenting.

Yeah.

You got to adapt and you really do.

It's like slowly learned that like, there's ways we can kind of like distract him from

ideas.

But yeah, like he gets on something.

If you try to like say no or say maybe later, he's like a dog with a bone.

Right.

So yeah.

Yeah.

But I'm in this like ADHD parenting Facebook group and those posts made me feel a lot better.

I know.

Because the comments like every single comment is like word for word, exactly what happens

in my house.

Like, okay, good.

So it's just not my kid.

Right.

Right.

It's just not, I'm just not being a lousy mom or whatever.

It's just, yeah, it's really hard.

And those, those sites really do help, I don't know, bring things into perspective because

you do feel like you're just, you're like making so many mistakes because a lot of times

you're doing things that you just really know aren't like, I know this isn't the best

thing to do.

And right now we just can't be dealing with this in life.

We just shit to do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I've like done a lot of reading and it's almost like when they are saying like when

they're having a meltdown because they're not getting the thing like right that second.

It's like, it's definitely like a nervous system activation.

Right.

And so they feel like they have no control.

And if you've ever heard of PDA or like pathological demand avoidance, like 100%, I know

Shepard has that.

It may be the other one too, maybe can't it too, but but yeah, it's like they enter like

fighter flight, just trying to grasping at anything to like have control.

And it almost becomes like a like a compulsive, like a disorder where like if I don't get this

thing, then the more agitated they become.

Absolutely.

And it just keeps on going up, up, up, up and they don't know how to accept that and bring

it back to you.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And like I have a good example because the other day, I think it was either yesterday

or the day before, it was like 9 p.m., it's always 9 p.m.

And for some reason, Shepard was like, I want to try those seaweed chips.

And mind you, he's done that before and I've got them for him before and he didn't like

them, Chocker.

And so even though I'm like, well, we'll get some tomorrow because it's late at night.

That's not, I'm, that's great you want to try a seaweed, whatever, but it doesn't need

to happen right now.

No one's going to go to the store at 9 p.m. when we're like getting ready to go to bed.

And also you've tried them and you didn't like them.

It's like he can't trust what anyone says, no way.

And so then today, Dave came home, he stopped at 8 p.m. to get a couple of things.

So he got the chips, he gave them to Shep and he was like, cool, yay, thank you.

And then I come back in there, he calls me back in there, it's like, mom, it's like what,

he goes, these are ass, I was like, what, no way, you're kidding.

I told you, you don't like them.

I don't know, I thought you were going to tell me that somebody went to the store at 9 p.m.

No, it's like, I do draw the line every once in a while when I came.

Oh my goodness, oh my gosh, but yeah, I was so funny because I was like,

so was he able to really do much of anything over spring break?

I mean, that had to be a real killjoy because remember, he wanted to go to the

rage room. Can't really rage.

I know, it's like, I know, I know.

He was like, well, I still got my right arms, my throwing art, my throwing

arms. It's like, maybe we'll save the rage room for after.

But luckily, they said he only has to wear it for four weeks.

That's the estimate.

But then they said another four weeks in a splint, but we'll see, we'll see.

But yeah, he's can't do a lot of much of it.

There's like some computer stuff he can do because luckily,

he broke the left, not the right.

Right.

He's been reading, which is great.

We went to the rodeo.

So he could like ride rides.

Nice.

Of course, then after we went to the rodeo, the next day, he's like,

can we go to the rodeo?

He wants to go to the rodeo.

That was the thing.

That and I had taken him to the mall.

So we could go to the claw, like machine,

little arcade that they have there now.

Cause I'm like running out of things to do with him with like one good arm.

So we went there and then the next day, he was like,

can we go back to the mall for like three days after that?

He wanted to go to the mall.

I know.

He called me.

I know.

I wanted me to take him to the mall, but I was having a small nervous breakdown.

So yeah, that didn't, that's not, that's not a mall kind of day.

But I was like, it hasn't even been 12 hours since we left the mall.

I said, what do you need at the mall?

The mall is for shopping.

He was like, I just want to hang out.

Sir, you're 10, you know, hang out at the mall.

And he goes, I, he's like, he's like, I just want to chill out.

I was like, no, you don't.

People don't go to the mall to chill.

And he said, I literally saw people there taking naps.

I was like, I freaking can't with this kid.

I'm like, help, help, help.

Well, the good news is that they grow up.

And he's probably not going to be doing all these craziness for that much longer.

No, he better not.

Sooner or later, he's, well, sooner or later, he can drive himself to all these places.

I know, I know.

But yeah, he was, and then he got like some money for his birthday.

And he, you know, in true, impulsive fashion,

can't have money for that long before he's just got to spend it on something.

So he's like, I want to go to the mall.

I have my own money.

You have to take me.

And to probably want to say, call an Uber, call Waymo.

I know.

And he just wants to buy it like a dumb, dumb shit, you know?

Yeah, so yeah.

Because everything is instant gratification.

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, I know.

It's so hard.

And they're like, try to make them wait to like,

help them learn delayed gratification.

I'm like, we got better, easier stuff than done.

Yeah, it is really hard.

It is super hard, especially when they've got that, that just,

they used to call it like rock brain game.

Do you remember that super flex?

It was the autism characters developed by Michelle Garcia winner

and or winner Garcia, Michelle winner Garcia.

And it was all about they, they attached super hero names.

Two kids that had like, you know,

if they had different feelings about things.

And one of the ones that was always really a problem for us

was rock brain and and it's basically where your your mind

is just hard as a rock and it's stuck there and it won't,

you know, budge.

Yeah, that's a perfect description of rock brain.

Yeah, totally.

I always say.

And then before the rock, before the rock.

Speaking of rock brain, that's me before the mall and the

rodeo, the thing was, I want to get a cotton candy machine

and I'll buy it with my money.

Oh, because he wanted to make a movie theater in his room.

So I'm going to get a cotton candy machine and a popcorn machine.

Now it was like and keep it in your room for the ants to feast or what.

And so I was like, okay, so he was looking up cotton candy machines,

looking at ones that were like $200.

Sir, we don't work at a carnival.

So I'm sure have you not gotten the memo that sugar is like death?

I mean, no, he has not so much sugar and cotton candy is one.

Well, I think he got that from I took him to that Halloween thing at

shalees and they had a lady there that was making cotton candy and

she had one of those things and so he probably liked.

Well, he didn't think, talk about it after that.

But even though that person one had that at Halloween,

but he saw something about eight cotton candy said that.

Oh, I believe it because I talked him into getting a $40 cotton candy machine

instead of $200, just like a little one, like a little countertop one.

And yes, I got real good at making cotton candy.

I was like a pro and thank God, the thing broke.

So I was like, I was going to want the $200 one, though.

He's going to say the reason why is because it was 40 bucks.

And he moved.

No, it came from Target.

But I mean, no, no, I think I think he's moved on.

That's kind of what he does.

He's like, yeah, he's like, I must have this thing and I must have it now.

And then he's like the the novelty wears off.

And he's moved on to the next thing.

Yeah, like making stovetop popcorn.

Jiffy pop.

Remember that?

Remember Jiffy pop?

Yeah, the little silver thing, silver bubble.

It is and then it.

Oh my gosh, I bet they still have it too.

Oh, they do.

I've seen that.

I've seen it and cute.

So yeah, we're tired, y'all.

So what if I can and does it his whole,

does his whole spring break get blown out of the water just because of his

a little arm break?

No, I mean, he, he's a great,

spring break kid when you can't like do much because

he's just happy enough to be able to play Minecraft and watch one piece.

The like animation he watches and

we did have.

Leave him alone.

Yeah, he loved it.

And then if I try to go in there and he's like,

leave, he's looking at me like, can you get out?

But we did have Dave's dad and stepmom Karen came

drove from Phoenix to visit because her son, Adam,

Karen's son, Adam lives in San Antonio and he's getting married in October.

And so the point of them coming was so that they could meet

his fiancee's parents before like the wedding day.

It's cute.

Yeah, so they came and they stayed in Austin for a couple of days and

they went with us to the rodeo, which was super fun.

Except it was like 89 degrees.

It's too hot.

I remember it was too hot for rodeo, but it was fun.

And then we went to Matt's cell ran cold.

Yeah, two or three days before it was really cold.

I know.

And we had rodeo tickets too.

And I was just like, I don't even want to go.

I don't have the energy to go walk out there and it's windy and cold.

So I wound up canceling.

And then I think the next day is when you all wound up.

Yeah, yeah.

And then on Friday, I think.

Yeah, it was hot.

But did you hear someone told me that there was like a shooting

at the rodeo?

I don't know if that's true.

I think it was at the Houston rodeo.

Oh, maybe.

I don't think there was one at our.

Okay, good.

I heard.

All psyched.

Yikes.

But yeah, they went with us to the rodeo.

We went to Matt's cell ran show and we just spent time with them.

And it's been a long time since we've gotten to see them.

So how did they look?

Did they look good?

Did they look old like me?

Shut up.

None of y'all look old.

Well, she had up.

No offense.

Carey and Karen.

They don't take it.

They're cool.

They cool.

They're fun.

Yeah, I'm very lucky.

Have a great in-laws.

I know sometimes people have nightmare in-laws' stories.

They're like, couldn't be me.

But yeah, they and they loved cany and chef and they kept

like taking them in their car when we would like go places.

And I was like, well, we might just not come home.

You can just keep them.

Yeah.

Well, maybe.

I mean, now the boys are old enough.

You could put them on a plane and send them to Phoenix.

I could.

They could fly by themselves.

Yeah.

Cannons 40.

So I know canons 40 and chefs.

He thinks he's doing me one.

And they'll be back in October for about wedding.

So we'll see them again.

I don't mean I love to take a trip and go to Arizona again.

I haven't been there back there since, you know, I lived there, I think.

And it was a loved Arizona so much.

Yeah.

So many things about it.

I'd love to go back to Yuma and see

because it's like a totally different.

Oh, I bet.

I probably wouldn't even recognize them.

I bet.

Yeah.

And then they invited us to come for Christmas this year

because I guess her kids are going to be there.

So it's like going to be a big

house full.

You should do house full of people.

I know we want to.

We're going to try for sure.

And they got to do house.

I wouldn't get in my own.

Oh, no.

Yeah, yeah.

Like an Airbnb.

Yeah, that's what we're going to do.

Because in that way, you know, there's too many people.

Yeah, I like to have a bounce base.

And, you know, my kids will be acting a fool.

And I don't want them doing that at somebody else's house.

Well, go to your own house for that business.

Actually, your kids behave a little better

at other people's homes than they think goodness.

They do.

They do it.

Yeah, they're great at school.

They're great at other people's houses pretty much.

It's just our own house.

They're like, I can finally be myself.

I can finally be the little Diablo.

I can have finally be the little Helian.

I've been holding it in an all day.

Oh, my gosh, I love it.

It's so challenging.

I love it.

I love being a parent.

Speaking of being a parent,

I will be a forever parent to at least one of my children, Jake.

And he, you know, he came home for spring break.

And it's always a bittersweet time when Jake comes home.

Because I'm missing so, so much.

And he's, he can be fun to be around.

And, and I don't know.

I just love so many things about him.

But then he can also be very stressful.

Yeah.

And so I, and I do have a lot of PTSD tied up in him.

So it's always hit or miss.

Yeah.

Not sure what, what you're going to get.

Yeah.

And especially depending on a lot of it depends on his where he is at the time.

You know, if he's in a, you know, a flare or in a space where he's kind of being struggling.

Yeah, I, I tend to, I tend to amp up more too.

So, um, but yeah, he, it was, it was a great, it was a great week.

He got to hang out with a lot of his buddies.

I took Joseph and him and their friend Byram.

Who actually Jake went to high school with it, booey.

Mm-hmm.

And Byram actually was, is friends with Seth also.

Mm-hmm.

And, and then somehow they knew Hayden.

Really Hayden Smith, you know, because Hayden went there too.

Yeah.

And then they wound up knowing, and then all of it turns out that,

that, you know, and then of course Joseph knew Hayden.

And then the, so not Joseph is, is roommates with Byram,

who Jake went to high school with.

Oh my God.

And I mean, it's just like a small world.

And anyway, these guys are so great.

They are, they are always so good to him.

And they're such good little friends.

And he always wants to hook up with them when he comes home.

Yeah.

And it was Joseph's birthday and they wanted to go have crawfish.

So, went to, um, oh.

That Cajun place.

Yeah, I can't remember that.

It's on the tip of my tongue too.

I can't.

Crickets.

Crickets.

Look at that.

You see, in Sir Cricket, no, he's the size.

In Sir Cricket said, we don't have the name of Joseph.

It's been there forever and I've eaten there.

And I ate there with Joseph and them.

So anyway, we went there and, and then he got to hang out

with Big Mike.

Oh, good.

They went to, uh, Pennstack.

That's where he loves to go because I have this giant, um,

ropes course.

And you know, he just loves those ropes.

Anything death-defined.

He is just all about it.

It's a Cypress grill.

Cypress grill.

That's it.

Which, by the way, is delicious, isn't it?

Yeah, it's really good.

I mean, I don't know if you picky little family would

not get it because it is like sort of a cage any flair.

They do have other stuff.

Yeah.

Most everything on the menu is a, is a cage in dishy.

Like gumbo and, yeah, like, um,

at your pay crop.

It's good.

So jumbo ropes course, death-defying.

They hung out and it's kind of weird because, you know,

Jake used to go over to Mike's house and hit him, like,

sort of sleepovers in there.

But it was before Mike was married and had a baby.

Yeah.

And so now it's stiff-jicks.

Like, when can I come over for a sleepover?

Well, I don't have my spare room anymore.

And, um, you know, we'll have to wait until the baby gets to be

just a little bit older and whatever.

So, but it was, it was cute.

It was nice to see them hanging out and

maintaining that relationship.

And then, of course, he hung out with Seth.

Um, Seth always is up for, yeah.

I think they wound up going to Pennstack as well.

Yeah.

They went twice and we love Seth.

The boys love Seth too.

He's coming over on Tuesday.

Really?

Yeah, because there's no school on Tuesday, you know,

because they just had all week off and they need to have another day.

I don't know.

To be honest.

And then they have the next Monday off,

because it's the Monday after Easter.

And that's a holiday, apparently.

Well, why didn't they just make that Tuesday, the Friday?

And then they could have Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

I don't know.

I wish I could tell you.

I was like, I don't remember ever having this many days off of school,

when I wasn't school, but

yeah.

Anyways, yeah, that's crazy.

We love Seth.

He's good with them.

Yeah.

He's a good, he told me he was going to be having a, um,

an interview in his real career field.

So, we may kind of lose him a little bit,

because he's been doing some side jobs until he,

I guess, got something going.

But yes, he is what an angel he is.

And he's near and dear to my heart for sure.

And um, Shepherd calls him his big brother.

Yeah.

I love that.

Yeah, I love that.

So one of the things when Jake was home,

one of the things that Jake loves to do is he does a lot of walking.

And he loves to go for a walk.

And when I say a lot, I mean,

he went an average of like five to seven miles on a walk every day.

And you know, it's,

it's hard to let him go independently.

And he wants to go independently.

He doesn't want anybody to come with him.

And he wants to go on these little walk adventures.

So he walks over to the fire department,

which is right behind us, basically.

And he just walks up there and he'll just be chatting

with the fireman over there.

And, and then he'll come home and tell me,

well, and then there was a policeman there.

And I talked to him, do.

And this name was officer do do do.

You know, he's like very social.

And um, I don't want to take that away from him.

But I'm also terrified in a way.

Yeah.

You know, what if he comes up to someone who's not nice?

Yes.

You know, exactly.

I mean, luckily we've lived in this neighborhood for 20 years.

Yeah.

And everybody is pretty nice.

And it's a pretty, it's a pretty decent neighborhood.

Meaning it's, it's, you know, not.

The, the east side of before it became the, the, yeah.

No, we used to say the east side when we were,

any anybody from Old Austin knows that anytime,

if anytime anybody said anything about the bad part of town,

it was east of I 35.

I mean, anything east type of, oh, no, that's east of I 35.

That was kind of like what would be considered in the ghetto.

The ghetto.

Yeah.

Or the ghetto.

Now it's a happy, now they play,

reason to fight everything.

They've redone it on.

Yeah, it's like it where everybody wants to live.

And it's expensive too.

So, but anyway, yeah, like you, you, uh,

know the reality of the possibility.

Right.

And it's hard to forget where, okay.

So he's functional enough to know that he wants to do

these things that adults do.

But he also is not able to do a lot of those things.

And he doesn't understand and what, like for example,

driving, he, he still is like, well, when can I start driving?

In his mind, he's going to someday get a driver's license.

Yes.

And in my mind, that really is not going to happen.

I mean, he's almost 26.

And yeah, I don't see his abilities to, you know,

operate a motor vehicle's ever being anything

that he would be capable of doing safely.

Right.

Now, maybe he could drive a little golf cart around

or I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know.

There's other options, but a lot of motor vehicle on a road.

Right.

I barely want him to cycle too.

Cause, you know, he's already had a pretty serious bite crash.

You know, broke his bones.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I, so he wanted to go, he wanted to go to subway.

He is kind of like, I want to go to subway.

I want to go to subway and go to subway and go, okay.

Well, can I walk to subway and, um, and then I take money with me

to buy my food and I'm like, yeah, because you know,

the last time you walked out and he went and ate somewhere,

he dined and dashed.

Yeah.

And so I don't really want that to happen again.

And we, and I was happy that he understood he needed money, you know, he knows.

He knows a lot of stuff.

Yeah.

So he, uh, I gave him like $25 and he was going to walk to the subway,

which is, I don't know, not that far from here, but, and I had a tracker on him.

And I was kind of watching and I went up and to the subway when he got up there.

And there he was sitting there and he had ordered his food

and he was sitting down and eating it right there.

You know, no problem.

I just, I went up there because I was thinking, well,

if he runs into trouble with anything there or whatever.

Yeah.

But he didn't and he did great.

And I love the fact that he wants the independence.

I don't like the fact that it's so hard for me to give it.

Yeah.

Give it.

But, um, yeah, I, I mean, I, I'm working on it.

I really am.

Yeah.

I mean, that would, that's hard for all parents, but I think I can completely

sympathize for you in your position.

How difficult that would be just based on like the things you all have experienced.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

And, but so far, the interactions he's had with people have been 100% positive.

And, um, I can't live life worrying about every single thing that Jake's ever going to.

Yeah.

Because if I do, he's going to not live a fulfilled life.

And I think he wants to be, he wants to be out there.

He wants to talk to people.

Yeah.

But so Shelley shared a piece with, with us in our girl group.

And I was going to read it real quick because it's kind of pertinent to what we've been talking about.

It's called letting go is not the same as giving up.

I have to let go of my children, both of them.

That's part of the deal of being a parent.

I get to love them and teach them, but I don't get to keep them.

I have to set my children free.

I have to let them grow up to be who they were meant to be and to live their own lives.

Like fluttering butterflies, they were born to take flight.

If I hold on to tight, I will crush their wings.

If I hold on to long, I will smother and die.

If I try to flap their wings for them, well, that's just ridiculous.

But that doesn't mean I haven't tried.

No, I have to let go.

I have to believe they can fly.

But letting go is not the same as giving up.

Letting go is full of hope and possibility.

Letting go is giving up the things that belong to my children.

I can do letting go.

But I'm holding their hands with my heart.

I love that so much.

I know. It's like, and it's so true, it's, you know, they wrote that for you.

They didn't. They did.

Because I think all of us right now are kind of going through that.

A lot of our friends are going through that and, you know, and even just letting go

as, you know, like, can and goes from middle school to high school,

it's a little bit more letting go and more and more until you just finally have to just say,

hey, you're on different.

Okay, so I have you and I have Jake letting go of you

was different because I had trust in you.

Right. I had trust in your abilities.

I don't have trust in Jake and I don't have trust in some of his abilities.

And so that's where the difference is.

But it still doesn't mean that I, I can hold on to him and keep him in this safe place always.

Yeah. And and plus with him, you have, you know, another factor of

like trusting everybody else, right around him.

And, you know, so that's just, you know, something that would be different between him and I.

Um, so yeah, I get it.

That's hard.

And the thing with with Jake that's so difficult is he doesn't know that there's bad people.

Yeah.

And so he doesn't understand motives.

Why anybody would do anything they would do.

So he was very, he's very trusting.

And if someone said, hey, can I have your phone or hey, can I have all your money?

You can just hand it over to him before he does.

Sure.

No, he just doesn't know things.

And partially we have sheltered a lot.

You know, we don't, we don't put a lot of stuff out there like that.

Because, you know, there's just so many things he, he doesn't even really need to know about.

Yeah, honestly, he's not really pertinent to his life.

And so it is being a parent is being a parent in this day and age is harder.

Yeah.

Then being a parent was when I was your parent.

Yeah, I think, you know, back then everybody was kind of blissfully unaware.

I mean, obviously there's way more stuff going on now, but

the things that we're going on back then, you didn't hear about them.

Like they weren't staring at you from your phone, you know, every time you open it.

All right.

So yeah, I'd agree.

Right, I think that's why kids are more anxious these days.

Oh, it has, there's so much coming at them from all directions.

And there is no, there's no really turning it off.

There's no, it seems like the expectations are higher

when it's now than they were.

Yeah, even with everything like in band, like Dave's like,

you know, this is crazy what they're doing.

I know.

So sports, it's like you have to be better at everything.

Right.

Well, we also kind of live in an area that is more true, very more affluent.

Where they do put a lot of emphasis on things like sports and the arts and the arts and things.

So, um, the one I wanted to share, because Shelley is always saying,

you need to share like your, um, wisdom of, oh, why is one?

Oh, why is old Owl, which is I, you know, whatever.

I'm like the last one to listen to because my ways are not, don't go along and don't align with

the parenting guidelines a lot of times.

So, because to me, stuff doesn't make sense.

Okay, like remember that thing, um, years ago, no, a few years ago where they were like,

you had, when we were sleep training your baby, you would just put it in a crib and then you

would just like kid scream and bloody murder and just go in there and pat it on the back.

Yeah.

And then you, and that was right about the time when I had

Jay, and I was like, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

To me, that only teaches a baby that I need you.

You're not there for me.

Totally.

That doesn't even, yeah.

So, I think we can all agree.

There are some like parenting tips that are, you know, not, I mean, like, you know,

you're going to do you raise your kids.

How do you want to raise your kids?

But absolutely.

And I think that different families, different people have different

agendas and different goals for your families.

But different strokes for different also know one thing with all my whole heart and soul.

We are born as mothers with knowledge and intuition.

And even if we don't think we are, we are.

And you have to listen to that intuition.

And you have to do what feels right and what feels right.

And not what, you know, even what doctors tell you.

Or you're absolutely, you know, you're your friend who had a baby.

Because every baby is different.

And every situation is different.

And I can't tell you how many stories I was reading like of these parents that were like

being told, oh, you know, no, the baby's fine.

The baby's fine.

But like the mom's like, like, I know something is wrong.

She's not mothers and stink.

Yeah.

Mommy's instinct.

Yeah.

So so anyway, I feel like I kind of came up with a few little things that I think are good little

tidbit tidbits of wisdom from raising kids through a couple of different generations.

So I think it's important to create a village with family and friends.

I think that is so important for kids.

And it's been underdone the last, this last generation or whatever.

There was not enough importance put on it.

And I think it is very important.

Yeah.

For and I think COVID messed up a lot of stuff too.

Oh yeah, that's true.

That is true.

So I think that it's important to teach your kids manners and how to behave in settings,

starting out very young because it's hard to teach them as they get older.

That's why I say, you really got to start it when they're like freaking like three or four or

whatever.

Yeah, you got to really start drilling like, okay, when we go here, this we don't we don't act

a fool.

We don't run around.

I can't tell you how many times I've gone into these places.

And I don't have an aversion to kids behavior.

I think kids should be kids.

And if it's not anything outlandish, it's not going to bother me.

But I've been places where I literally wanted to snatch those kids all headed myself.

Because they were so naughty and they were so disruptive to people.

And that is not okay people.

That is not right.

You got to get a hold of your kids.

Teach them some manners.

Teach them to be polite.

It starts there.

That's what caused all these rotted kids that are telling the teachers often high school.

You know, they're talking back and they're like shepherding, shepherding,

little school or an elementary.

And they just he acts like they don't have any manners.

They don't have any respect for people and it's yeah.

And let me tell you, you're judged.

I don't care what anybody tells you.

You are judged.

People look at your children and if your children are little heathenites,

they're going to be like, who do you think they're going to look at?

They're not going to be looking at the school.

They're not going to be looking at what they're going to be looking at the mom and the dad.

I'm like, what the hell?

I don't think these kids.

So that would be my advice.

Teach them values and things like how to work hard and you know,

don't give them everything.

Teach them how to win and lose.

You know, how to be a good winner, how to be a good loser.

Try, try, try, try all things.

Try everything.

Try, try it again.

Curling, try, um, crossly.

Try the debate team.

Try the, I mean, try everything.

The only way you're going to find their gifts is for them to try things.

And not all kids are going to go and seek it out.

So you have to kind of be, they're, they're, they're, they're a person.

Oh, hey, let's look into this.

So yeah, like I think this would be

good for you.

Let's try it.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Say yes more than no.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Hey, man, I agree.

Be a yes.

Be a yes.

Don't overindulge with things.

But take them on adventures.

I mean, as you grow up, like

I can look back into my childhood.

And I remember places that I've been.

I remember places my parents took us and adventures that we had.

I don't remember toys I had or not.

I mean, those things aren't really that important to kids.

They're in the moment.

They're five minutes of fun.

Yeah.

That's it.

And the last thing is keep talking to your kids

and importantly, keep listening to your kids.

Listen to the, what they're telling you.

And I think a lot of times,

parents are busy and

kids do talk a lot.

A lot of kids do jabber a lot and they talk about a lot of things.

But in order to really understand what's going on in their heads.

I think you have to listen between the lines.

You have to listen to.

And you have to watch what's going on.

Don't put your head in the sand.

And meanwhile, your kid is mentally struggling to the point

where they're thinking about suicide.

You know, doing drugs or they're being bullied

or you know, they're struggling.

And I don't want any kid to be any kid of mine or any kid at all

to be going to school every day in fear

or being harmed or I mean,

it's not okay.

And it starts with parenting.

Pay attention to your kids.

Yeah, I've always felt really strongly about.

I always want my kids to feel like they can come to me no matter what.

And then they'll never be in trouble.

They'll never, you know, like with me,

like, right.

I'll they'll never be judged.

And that, you know, like the whole,

if you're drunk at someone's house at 4 a.m.,

you can call me to come and pick you up.

Or like if some other kid is being mean to you,

or you know, even with like sex, you know,

it's like that's how young girls get pregnant

because they don't know and they don't feel like they can talk to their parents

about that stuff.

And so they're just like, well, I didn't know.

I could get pregnant.

I know.

It's, um, you really have to to talk to them

because if you're not going to be talking to them,

somebody else will be.

And you want to be the one in their air.

And even if they don't even seem like they're listening,

even if you don't think they're listening,

or even if you think it's not getting in,

or they're never going to do what I tell them to eventually,

something will show up that will let you know they're hearing you.

Yeah, I know I always say to the boys.

And like one day you're going to be like,

oh, my mom was right.

My mom tried to tell me this, but I wouldn't listen.

Yeah, because I'm like,

Shep told me that some kid was making comments about his weight.

And so that made me happy that he felt like he could tell me.

Like, I was like, I'm glad you just told me,

you know, it's important because that's not okay.

And we have to make sure that that doesn't happen.

And if you don't tell anybody,

it won't stop right now.

Exactly, yeah, exactly.

I like that too.

And that's why I like having little chats with them too,

because I can get,

sometimes you can get information out of them,

or kind of help them think about something.

And maybe sometimes they might listen to me.

Yeah, yeah.

And with boys too,

I feel like society's got so

like, harped on, you know, boys being tough and all of that.

Like, you know, boy behavior.

But then, then that's how you have all these men that, you know,

don't know how to deal with their feelings.

Don't know how to name their feelings.

Just bottling it all up, you know.

And so just trying to teach them like,

it seems like you're angry.

Are you angry?

You know, just like putting a name to the feeling

and then learning techniques how to deal with those emotions,

not like stuffing them down and then drinking beer.

So, right, yeah.

Yeah, like everybody else does.

Yeah, right.

Like I do.

No, I'm just kidding.

I don't drink beer.

But I do stuff them down.

Yeah, I totally agree with all those tips.

I love those.

And that kind of, um,

takes me to, I was going to read this little quote

that I heard about, you know,

your kids and growing up

and the kind of home you make for them.

And I really liked it.

So, I was going to read it.

Tim.

Someday your child will describe their childhood

to someone you've never met.

They'll sit at a table.

You didn't sit in a home.

You didn't build across from people

who only know them as adults.

And they'll tell them a story

about what it was like to grow up in your house.

Not every detail.

Just the parts that stayed.

The feeling of walking through the door.

The tone at the table.

Whether the home felt warm or unwelcoming.

Joyful or tense.

Safe or performative.

We don't get to choose the story they'll tell.

We don't get to edit it later.

But we're writing it now.

In ordinary dinners and random Tuesday nights.

And moments like the one you're sitting in

write this second.

Long after the Legos are gone

and the schedules change

and the house gets quieter,

the story of home keeps speaking.

I can't tell the story they'll choose to tell someday.

But I can keep setting the table like it matters

because it does.

So, if you're in the thick of it

and you want to smother your kids,

yes.

Yeah.

It's all about perspective and

yeah.

And like,

you don't want your kids to be like,

all my dad or all my mom ever said was no.

Right.

You know.

You don't want that.

You don't want to remember your childhood

as your dad was always on his phone.

Yeah.

Or your mom was always

on at work.

Or,

you know,

not listening to me.

Yeah.

For sure.

I mean, you do have to have a balance.

Some of the things.

Over-indulge everything that the kid wants

and give them your 100%

because there's just not that much to give.

And especially with you,

because I mean, you're working mom too.

It's different when you can devote

like a stay-home mom can devote

all of her time and attention to

but you can't do that.

You're demanding job.

And, you know,

a job that you have to actually think about.

And yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely a balance.

And

you know, it's hard because

and I'm sure every parent feels this way.

You're like, I hope I'm doing enough.

You know, because you never feel like you're doing enough.

Right.

You don't.

Yeah, exactly.

No one is ever like,

I'm doing a great job at this parenting thing.

I am slaying.

Hilling this parenting situation.

Yeah.

You're like, agree.

You know, am I going to ruin my children forever?

But then, you know, it's,

it's when you have moments like,

there's like a coach at Kiker,

like one of the coach teachers, I guess, a PE coach.

Every time,

chef and him see each other,

they do this like little fist bump,

this little like a secret,

a handshake,

fist bump thing.

And then like chef walked into the school

and he's like, you have a really great kid.

It's like when you hear stuff like,

you have a really great kid or like,

your son is so smart.

And I love when someone goes out of their way

to tell you that, I mean, not even totally unsolicited,

one time I was walking out of

the 7-11 over here, over by us.

And there was a kid that was,

I was walking out and he would start walking in.

And Jake had been with me and he had walked in front of me

and walked to the car.

And the kid stopped me and said,

is that your son?

And I was like, oh God, I'm sorry.

What do you do?

I don't know what to say.

Is it? I don't know.

And I said, yes, it is.

And he said, I just wanted to let you know

that he is a great kid.

I had him in a class.

And he is such a joy.

And he stopped me.

I didn't even know this kid.

Yeah.

And it totally made my day.

It just, it made all the crap

that I deal with a lot of times with him

and was going through all of the struggles

just to get that little negative

of love was so wonderful.

Yeah, you're like, okay, we're doing okay.

We're doing okay.

I mean, if other people

you know, enjoy being in the presence of my kid,

then we're doing okay.

Yeah, so I wanted to tell you, I don't even think I,

I didn't even tell you about my adventure,

but yesterday I went to

to that leaf,

lano, earth, art, and the rock festival.

Rock fest, but not rock and roll.

Rock meeting as stones on the ground.

I went to that with the Liz because, you know,

I don't get to see Liz that much anymore

because she's always busy with work and school

and everything and it's almost over.

But I tell you, it's been a stressful time

because we used to hang out a couple times a week at least.

And now I'm lucky if I get to see her

maybe once a week for a couple of hours.

So when she said, she said, she said,

do you want to go into this rock,

rock festival thing in Lano?

And I was thinking, I said, hey,

rock brain, hey, rocks.

I just do not like rocks and don't really care about all that stuff.

But you wanted to spend time with him.

Yeah, I'm with Lizzy because she's always a fun time.

And we always make everything in adventure.

So we wound up going and it turned out to be a very

lovely little event.

As a matter of fact, I think the boys would love it.

There's so much, you know, exploring and rock climbing

and I don't know, there's bands playing there.

And so more than just rocks.

Yeah, and then they have all these little booths

set up with all these artisans there

and different things like that.

People selling crazy stuff.

I think there was one that had vintage

McDonald uniforms from 1976.

And it was the little dress.

I think Shelley was in those photos.

I'll send it to you.

It's so hilarious.

How random was and they were like new,

but the tags were like from 1976.

They were how wild?

They were old tags like they were sitting in some box

somewhere in some of the fandoms and said,

hey, look at these uniforms.

So that's so random.

They did have random stuff there and random people.

It's always fun to go watch people and, you know,

there was hippies and we got this really good pizza

from the stone pizza truck that was there

and I was starving and I, I over ate and that's fun.

Then I decided and I had one piece of pizza

but still it was like I knew like before I finished it,

I was already full.

But I was like, oh my god, it's so good.

I want to finish it.

And I did finish it.

And then, of course, then I had the idea,

let's get an ice cream cone over there.

Oh no.

And I got some ice cream.

Well, on the way home,

I started feeling so sick.

I started feeling sweaty, sweaty.

Yeah.

I basically had dumping syndrome and I'm like,

pull over somewhere.

Liz, if I'm going to be sick with somebody,

I want it to be with her.

Yeah, yeah.

She's trying to pull over, but we're still on like,

I don't know, I don't know, I pull over.

So we wound up in the parking lot of a Baylor Scott White hospital

out in nowhere,ville.

And don't take me to the ER.

I'm fine.

I just need a bar.

It's just pull over to the side and let me bar.

And I did, I threw up and I did feel better

but I laid down in the back seat and I just got so dizzy.

And I was just like, I've never had it come on that.

I've had dumping syndrome before.

Yeah.

So I know it or like if you just overeat.

Yeah.

That's just, you know, but I've never had it come on that quick

like that, like literally.

I guess that's how it works.

Yeah.

So yeah, I know fun.

I threw in a good pizza.

We're having a really good day and then I had to

pull that nonsense on, sorry Lizzie.

This was glad I was with her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That little rock pesto was really cute.

Yeah.

That sounds right up Lizzie's alley.

I know.

It was like a little crunchy hippie.

Yeah.

Rock lover.

Little rock mama.

Little rock mama.

Well, I think that we could call it a wrap on today's episode.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A little life update.

A little parenting reality check.

And a reminder that parenting kids at any age is no joke.

But if nothing else, we hope you feel a little less alone in it.

Thanks for being here with us.

We'll catch up with you next time.

Bye, y'all.

Bye.