Monica Lewinsky Pt 3: How to Take Your Story, Your Power & Your Life Back Today, It’s Not Too Late!

Coming up in this incredible part three conversation with Monica Lewinsky.

Self-forgiveness and health acceptance are the two greatest gifts you can give yourself.

She said, I'm just not giving up.

The woman I'll be a few years from now is counting on me and the world shifted.

I'm a woman stepping into my own finally.

Being able to contribute meaningfully to the world and be expressive creatively in different ways

and really using more of my voice.

The things we've taken on our own shame for most of us privately, you've lived out publicly.

Do you believe every person listening right now they have the ability to reclaim their own narrative?

What does dating look like now in your life?

Would you ever run for office?

Monica Lewinsky is the host of the wildly successful podcast called Reclaiming.

So make sure you check that out right away.

It's so good. She's also a producer, social and anti-bullying activist,

global public speaker, and a contributing editor to Vanity Fair.

Her focus is on storytelling that moves the conversation forward around shame,

reclaiming identities and justice for women.

She's also the executive producer of the twisted tale of Amanda Knox out now on Hulu.

Monica's TED Talk on the Price of Shame has been viewed by over 22 million people.

Monica holds a master's degree from the London School of Economics.

She's also smart, incredibly witty, maybe the best curator of Instagram content that will make

you literally laugh out loud daily. And whether today you're listening for yourself

or because someone that you love shared this episode with you,

I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kernley Michelle podcast family.

And if you're here right now, can you do me a favor?

If you like the show and you love the guests that I bring you,

can you please hit the subscribe or follow button on the app that you're listening or watching on?

It truly means the world to me. Thank you.

And also, I want to remind you this episode is not just for you and me.

Please share this with every single person that you know,

because what you're about to hear will change your life and theirs.

Welcome to the Jamie Kernley Michelle.

Oprah, how have you defied the pod?

Her show is unlike any I've ever done.

A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug,

but your brain and your spirit and your heart is like,

wow, Melinda French gates.

When I look into Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her.

I could see the light around her. She's infused with light.

Imagine overcoming self-doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know

you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kernley Michelle.

Jamie Kernley must her name.

Everybody needs Jamie Kernley in their life.

Jamie Kernley Ma.

Jamie, you're so inspiring.

Jamie Kernley Ma.

When I opened my book, worthy, I opened it with this quote that I want to read to you,

because it reminds me of you. It's by Nikia Homer and it says this.

This is the quote. She said, I'm just not giving up.

The woman all be a few years from now is counting on me and the world shift it.

Who's the woman you are now and also who are you becoming?

Oh my gosh.

I think I feel like I'm a woman stepping into my own finally in a way of being able to

contribute meaningfully to the world and be expressive creatively in different ways and

really using more of my voice.

You know, I mean, that's so much of having a podcast is literally having my voice.

You know, I mean, we joke on the team where it's like, okay, well, if it's not the

clearest of reclaiming stories to an audience, I'm like, well, we can always fall back on

I'm reclaiming. You know, the whole show is me reclaiming and who I'm becoming. I hope,

you know, my turning 50, going from 49 to 50, I was so worried going into that year because of 39,

going into 40. I was like, oh, it's going to be awful. What haven't I done yet? Again, you know,

and instead it was this amazing year of acceptance. And so I just feel

acceptance and self forgiveness and self acceptance are the two greatest gifts you can give

yourself. They are the most valuable resources that we have. And I just, you know, I hope I'm just

continue to move into ways that I am useful to the world. And, and that I get to just enjoy

more and more. So you mentioned Amy Griffin. And I think of Amy. I think of Victoria Jackson.

Oh, Victoria. I mean Victoria. I think of Gloria Steinem. I think of so many incredible

iconic women who all love you dearly. And I think about as another woman watching

you launch your show, watching, reading your essays, reading things you're putting out in the

world, watching you share your story. I feel in so many ways excited for the collective consciousness

to shift with what's happening to catch up. And also just the power that's in you

from all of the resilience built. And all of the things that you've gone through have, you know,

made it through. And that belief you're going to instill and do already into other people what's

possible for them. Even if they've gone through something hard or, you know, or or have dealt with

shame or have dealt with all the different things. And so I, I feel very much even though this has

been a multi decade journey for you already. I feel it's like still in this weird way. And it's

infancy where the seeds are all there. And they're sprouting now. And like I see the forest.

You know what I'm saying? And that's what I get. Oh, I'm right. I'm right. I know. And I'm like,

that's what I get so excited about because all of that, um, that's to come. And so,

and so when you think about the future, I've got it. I've got to ask this. Okay. Would you ever run

for office? No. Never. No. Why? I just, I think I can be more effective. Um, you probably know

too much about politics. So I feel like, oh, I can be more effective outside of it. I mean, it's not

a playground. I am interested playing in. Yeah. What does dating look like now in your life?

I, you know, it's, I'm not on the apps. So I haven't been brave enough to do that. Yeah.

But I like, I date, I go on dates. I'm, I dated some incredible men. I've, um, you know, it's,

I very open to, um, you know, to what the universe has in store. I, I don't know. And we'll see

what happens. Yeah. And that's kind of what you, you mentioned some of the things that you wanted

in that year. That was so difficult. Right. So it was a decade, but, um, at 39 right now at 51 years

young, 51, you know, it's wild. I was reading, um, there's so many medical advancements and they

are saying, if we right now, if we live another 10 years, that will live well past 100, right? I

don't want to be here. Pass. I'm, you don't. Oh, I do. I do. I'm for it. I'm, I'm, I'm interested in

that. I mean, I, I, I just, I think I'm very afraid of the vulnerability of old age.

Very, very afraid of it. I, I get anxious when I see, you know, little old people with their

grocery bags and they're, I, I get so anxious because I'm like, you're so vulnerable. Yeah.

You know, what do you do when you have to have a stranger come in the house and the electrician

or the plumber, you're so vulnerable? You know, maybe because I don't have kids, you know, I'm very

involved on tea, but I just, I'm like, I don't want to, I don't want to be around for that.

If you're vulnerable, like at a certain age, yeah. I don't. And maybe you won't be alone at that

age in terms of in your house, right? Yeah. But it just, yeah. So I, it's 51 is a baby in so many ways.

You know, look, there, there are another, you know, as we're saying about stories, what's so great

about people sharing their stories is you do. You get to see the possibility that you didn't think

was there. Yeah. And so I see a lot of stories of, um, women for whom, you know, they're, they're

perfect partner for them in that time frame, didn't chop until later. Yeah. So like, yeah, if that happens,

it happens. If it doesn't, I'm still going to be okay. Like, you know, I just had such a great

conversation where Hoda came, Hoda copy came on my show and we were talking about her having her

two girls, uh, in her 50s, how she's 60 now, how she is more fired up about love than ever,

and wants more kids, all of that. And so I'm going to think about some of the things that you

mentioned at 39 wanting. So at 51 right now, do you want a serious relationship? I, I'm not sure.

Yeah. I'm really, I'm really open to I, I just, I think there are a lot of personal things that I

have, you know, worked on for a long time and, and the shifts there feel, you know, like

millimeters at a time. And I just, I don't know, you know, and I feel, I think, I feel really

grateful that I'm okay with that. Sometimes I feel, um, I want that more than others other times,

you know, but I, I've just sort of, I, I think moving past having kids, the idea of having kids,

at least naturally, um, that really changed what I was looking for, you know, it changed what I

felt was, um, I really needed in my life. And so, uh, yeah, you mentioned that you froze your eggs

and have embryos. And that opens up everything for you. Our ovaries age, very uterus, doesn't the same

way? Uh, do you think you will have kids? Probably not. Probably not them. Um, I don't, some days,

yeah, some days I do and some days I don't. I don't know, I have no idea how women like you and

some of our other friends, you know, the Victorian Amy, I, I don't know how you all do what you do,

everything you do. I, and you're also mothers and your spouses, I, I have no clue. It takes all

of my energy to just show up and be me, just me looking after myself. So I, I don't know how, how

you all do it. And I just, you know, I have had, I've had some extraordinary, unbelievable miracles

in my life. And I am very grateful for them. And if I don't get anymore, I'm good. If I get more

amazing, um, and that's really sort of where I feel where I'm at. Here's what did it for me. Monica,

I remember when I was like, well, I'm so focused on my career, all the things. And in my journey,

we'd had, Paul and I had so many miscarriages. And I always, oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. And I

always kind of, you know, and I was still working a million hours a week at it and kind of going

on this journey. And I'll never forget this moment. I had lunch with a friend who I didn't know

that well in New York City. She was an editor for magazine. And we were meeting. I thought we were

there to talk about it cosmetics and somehow it was like on his other tangent. And she's like,

you do know when you have your kid, you're going to have, and I think I just had another miscarriage.

And she said, um, you'll meet your favorite person in the entire world. She's like, that's your

favorite person. She goes, you understand the longer you wait, you're just waiting to meet your

favorite person. You'll ever meet in your entire life. And I remember the way she said it.

I was like, huh. And she goes, you think you love your partner? That's nothing. You think you

love your dog? That's nothing. Like you think, you know, she's like, even said, you think you might

love your mom? She's like, it's, it's your favorite person. And I remember that was kind of

this moment that stuck with me. And it's really wild. But, you know, because, you know, I'm 47 right

now. And I want more. I want more when you shared, um, at 39 that you just wanted that so badly.

And, and now I think about how much you've shared about the work and the healing and all of the

stuff and the reclaiming of everything of you in the world. Has that want lessened?

Um, or what would be the reason now for you? You wouldn't want that as badly.

Um, I think because, you know, I, I think I'm more tired. Are you? Yeah.

Yeah. I, you know, it's, um, I think there's, it's, it has been, I've worked, not that other

people haven't. Yeah. I've worked really hard this last decade. And it's been, I mean, I've worked

hard this lifetime. Yes. But I've, I've worked hard. Um, and I continue to work hard. And still,

I'm still trying to find my place, you know, even, even with the podcast, it's sort of like,

okay, is this, is this going to work? Yeah. You know, and so there's, I think, in that way of, um,

it, I have not had a normal life. Yes. And so it's, um, there, there are days that I still want it

and days where I just think I could not, like, I can't even talk to anybody else.

You know, let alone be giving to someone else. So I just, uh, like, I'm, I'm too,

and maybe some, maybe I don't, maybe I need to do more work on boundaries, you know, maybe it's

around figuring out, um, where, where you're making sure you're not giving too much, you know,

to other things and other people and that there's a balance there so that you don't end up at the

end of the day feeling like, I don't want to talk to a soul. Yeah. So if you feel that way,

it's like, that's okay too, you know, yeah. And that's so even feeling that energy and being like,

oh, that's how I feel. There's so many people that aren't even there yet to be able to

acknowledge, even feel how they, how they feel and then respect it, you know, with everything

you're doing now with your show, um, again, everyone needs, we're going to leave you

claiming, we're linking reclaiming in the show notes. Everyone needs to go, uh, follow, subscribe,

listen, it's so good. Um, it's so good, which I knew I knew it would be before it came out and

it's so good while it's exploded. And I know I was, I was telling Monica, I don't think I've ever

seen a show launch and have so many reviews so fast. And that's always an indicator of how many

people are listening. And so just congratulations on that here. Um, and clearly people love you

and also every, I feel like we're all on this journey of reclaiming. I hope selfishly as your

friend that you also write a book called reclaiming. I hope all the things have the idea started.

Really? Yeah. I, I had thought if, I mean, it was, you know, inspired when Michelle Obama,

you know, with her becoming book. And then it was like everybody, right? It was sort of a,

a one word title with the ING. And, and so I, I kind of thought about reclaiming and I have a,

a note in my, my notes app on my phone. Yeah. That it was around that of, okay, well, I could have

a chapter on this and then something would come to me if a chapter on that. And, um, but it actually

felt when it came time to kind of look at some other things, uh, it felt more exciting to do something

that was looking at more stories than just myself. And so, um, you know, who, who knows, who knows?

There's a lot of, I've had a lot of, a lot of experience, um, gained a lot of wisdom from that

experience. And I hope to share it in many different ways. I'm seeing a reclaiming tour.

No, no, seriously, reclaiming weekends. Do you know how many women, I mean, men too, but like,

how many people would show up to a reclaiming weekend? Yeah. And just like, you never know, you never

know. When you do write your next book, there's so much on you as the author. I know, I, here's,

here's my, my dream way of doing it would be writing something self publishing,

yes, being able to afford whatever advertising and marketing I want. And I do no interviews.

Right, right. Because that's because that's the part, that's the part that is, um, you know, you

want to sort of put it all on the page. You want to give it all to, to this thing of like, I'm

birthing this thing. Yeah. And then you have to go and give more and more and more and more and

more and more. And, and it can, I, that's the part that doesn't appeal to me. So you say that.

So my husband, Paulo, right, our story, you know, he started it cosmetics with me. Like, we both

were in our living room so poor for so many years, like teetering on bankruptcy. Everyone telling us,

no, his journey, he would write the most incredible book, but he exactly what you just said. He's

like, I don't want to do a single press interview. I don't want to do anything. And a lot of people

don't know that it's like, okay, it's one thing to have a really great book, but then also, yeah,

it's kind of all on the author to go out. Do all the interviews promote it. Do all the thing. All

the sudden, there's so many just brilliant stories in books that no one's ever heard of. Because

the author's like, no, no, I'm not a marketer. Right. I'm not a salesperson. And there's so much

pressure on that. There are over 5 million podcasts out there for your show to come out of the

gate and do what it's doing. Holy moly, that is proof to me. You don't need to go out there and

do a bunch of interviews. You don't need to go, you know, for your book is that you really have

had this. And I can't begin to understand or imagine I can only in my small way and my small

experiences connect. But I can't begin to imagine the enormity of everything that you've sold

her. But what I'm so grateful for about your essay in Vanity Fair, your contributions you make

there about your TED Talk, about your Forbes 30 and 30, about everything with reclaiming,

about the very few interviews that you've chosen to deal, which I'm so blessed and grateful for

that. And I think people are just connecting with you in such a profound level because we need to

pause for a super brief break. And while we do, take a moment to share this episode with every

single person that you know who this could inspire because this conversation can truly be the words

and inspiration they need to hear today to keep going to remember that they matter and to feel

less alone and more enough, more connected and more worthy. In life, you don't swords the level

of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your

self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy,

how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to

destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools

and its simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things

holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace

the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your

hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash

your greatness and step into the person you are born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt

and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for

you at Worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you do if you fully

believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as

energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I love to hang out with you even more, especially

if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly

newsletter that's also a love letter to you, delivered straight to your inbox each and every

Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week,

just go to jameycarnelema.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one

with jamey weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing

the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love

hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jameycarnelema.com or in the link in the show notes.

Do you struggle with negative self-talk, living with a constant mental narrative that you're

not good enough is exhausting? I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you

say to yourself about yourself are so powerful and when you learn to take control over your

self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if

this is something that could benefit your life. It's called five ways to overcome negative

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confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free

guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jameycarnelema.com slash resources

or click the link in the show notes below. And now more of this incredible conversation

together. I think people are just connecting with you on such a profound level because

every one of us, every every person listening right now and I love how you opened your TED talk

asking the audience. You said, raise your hand if there is, you know, nothing that you've done

at 22 that you're embarrassed about or ashamed of and literally nobody raised your hand. Yeah,

nobody raised your hand. And the experiences we've all had in different ways, the decisions we've

all made for better or worse, the things we've taken on our own shame for most of us privately.

You've lived out publicly in your journey to reclaiming your own narrative and your journey and

all the shifts in your belief about your own identity and how that impacts everyone else.

But also, by you sharing all this, I think even in conversations like this and all the conversations

on your show, I think it's giving people the courage to also consider their own shifts about

their own identity and about reclaiming their own story because you can. I mean, do you believe

every person listening right now can, whether it's through a healing journey, whether it's through

listening to your show, listening to conversations like this, they can start to make shifts and that

they have the ability to reclaim their own narrative. I believe everybody already is. I think we

are already all in the process at all times of myriad reclaimings. And so that's part of

why I want the definition for the show to be so elastic of reclaiming because the more we recognize

how we've done it, the easier it is to continue to do it and the easier it is to kind of

climb the hill of the really big R reclaimings. Yeah, you know, so it's some. Do you feel like

forgiveness is important in claiming journey? Part of what really interested me and excited me

about the concept was that it encompasses all of these other things that we focus on of, you know,

value and loss and grief and healing and forgiveness and resilience and creativity.

I often talk about Taylor Swift being like someone who doesn't want Taylor Swift on their

podcast, but I mean, it's her Taylor's versions is a reclaiming. Yes. And so I think that when we

when we recognize all the pieces that go into it and we see that we have all those abilities,

you know, it just is it's empowering. And we can I love that you've been using so many different

examples of reclaiming like we can reclaim how we show up for other women. We can reclaim how

we champion other women which women inspire you most in your life. I get inspiration from people

and women in so many different ways like public people or people who I'll just meet someone

and hear a little story. And I think, God, that's inspiring. Yeah. You know, and I take all those

things with me in different ways. And so I don't, you know, it's like I find something inspiring

and probably the everybody who's in my world, you know, you're inspiring to me. Victoria Jackson

unbelievably inspiring. I mean, Griffin, you know, I mean, they're just there's so many women,

Maria Shriver that, you know, sort of, I think it's I try to see it everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, so it's I try to see aspects of people that I think, okay, that's different than I do

something. I can learn from that. And that is meaningful to me.

What inspires you most right now in terms of your hopes for the future? The answer that comes up

is laughter. Yeah. No idea why. Yeah. But I'm just going to just go with it. Yeah. You know, I know,

I think that there's there is a power in laughter that it's connecting. It's a high vibration.

Yes. Maybe not as high as gratitude, but it shifts your I've had my same friend who said that

thing meditating on the pyramid. She in my dark decade, she would often send me these blooper videos.

And, you know, and I would get so annoyed because I was just in this heavy dark place of like,

I don't fucking want to laugh. Yes. You know, I'm not in the mood to laugh. I don't, you know,

I'm like, oh, this is annoying. And she'd push me and push me. And then I, you know, I would watch

just to, you know, get her to stop asking me if I watched it. And I would laugh. And it would

change the moment, you know. And so that's where, um, yeah, that's kind of I feel like as adults,

like so many of us have ever got to have fun. Yeah. And I feel like that's so funny that you say

that because it's literally one of my prayers. I'm one of my goals is to have more fun.

Until yeah. Me too. You too. More joy. More joy. Yeah. And we're laughter. So we'll do it

together. Yeah. Well, I'm telling you right now. I know I keep saying this over and over.

If you need to laugh more, you need to be on Monica's Instagram. Um, and, uh, it is so good. Um,

but I love that you said that that's one of my goals. It's why I've been saying no to almost

everything. Like I've said no to almost every single podcast interview. Not because I don't want to

do it. But I'm like, I need to just create space in my life for things that I don't have right now,

which is like really just time with friends like laughter, like connection. I feel like I don't

have enough fun. And you know, I feel like for a decade, all I did was work maybe longer. And I

was so focused and so stressed out and so like unsure of are we going to make it? And then when

we got bigger and bigger, I was like, Oh, I got to strike while the iron's hot. And all I did was

just work. And I remember coming out of it being like, I don't even had a fun. I don't know how

to have fun. Yeah. And so that, so you saying that that is one of the things that, um,

inspires you about the future that you're most looking forward to. Um, it's so powerful. So I'm

honored that you're here. I'm honored that you're sharing parts of your story, your new show,

everything about your new show, about the things that you're, yeah, I'm honored that you're my

friend. Yeah. And I'm grateful. Great shot. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Remember

this episode's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know

because it can change their life too. And if you love today's episode, please click the follow or

subscribe button for the show on the app that you're listening or watching it on. Give it a five-star

rating or review. And again, please share it with everyone that you believe in. Share it with

another person in your life who could benefit from it, post it, and share it with others online

or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today.

You never know who's like you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so

much for joining me today. And before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be

more true. You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your

greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it's an

honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kernelima show. Here, I hope you'll come

as you are. Heal where you need. Blossom what you choose. Journey toward your calling and stay as long

as you like because you belong here. You are worthy. You are loved. You are loved. And I love you. And I

cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kernelima show. In life, you don't

sort the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth.

When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new

book, Worthy. How to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some

self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven

tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results. Like how to get unstuck from the things

holding you back. Build unshakable self-love. Unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace

the truths that wake up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome.

Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more.

Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be?

Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus

some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at Worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below.

Imagine what you do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy.

Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief.

And I love to hang out with you even more especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration.

Which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you.

Deliver it straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it

each week just go to jameycurnleema.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your

one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing

the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting

your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jameycurnleema.com or in the link in the show notes.

And please note I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute

for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.