My Husband's "Investing" Lost Us $100,000

0:00Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. I just found out that my husband gambled $121,000 in daily trading. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. So sorry. And yes, these were the money we had from our previous town home that we sold. And we're in a process buying a new home that we paid $50,000 deposit. It's an unrefundable deposit. So we need to like process with this purchase of the new home. So you already paid the 50 grand. It's locked into that new house. And now you don't have the funds to put down on top of that. Correct. Oh my goodness. Okay. How do you find out? Yeah, what happened? Well, I kind of like I saw like the money were not there. He was telling me he invested and and stocks and crypto. And I kept asking me asking him to show me the money.

1:02And here's like everything's fine. The money are safe. Like I'm like, why did you take the because we had the deal to put 20% down for the new house and the rest of the money he would like invest in stocks and crypto currency. Yes. And so he lied about that. He was actually day trading. He did he did lie about that. And it's not the first time we lost money in the past. And now this amounts of money. But yes, here we at. So he has a gambling addiction as he been seeking out any helpers. Or does he unaware? Does he think he doesn't have a problem? He thinks he doesn't have a problem. He thinks he invests. But he failed at investing. How old is he? Yes, he is 43 and I'm 40. We have two kids. How long have you guys been married? Well, it's been 17 years now. Okay.

2:03Do you work outside the home? Yes, I work full time. Yeah, we bring home together like to 40 a year before tax. What do you make on your own? About 90 or 100. Okay. And what is he saying this next step is going to be? Because he knows that there's a house on the line. He's saying he'll take care of the payments. He says he's going to pay for kids activities and our kids go to private schools. So obviously we need to switch them to public schools. And he says he's going to take care of everything. I said down and I showed him like financially he cannot take care of everything. Does he still have access to all of your money? No, not to what I make. No. So you've separated accounts or has it always been separate? Yes. We separated a while back. But sometimes he wouldn't be on time with payments.

3:05So I would have to cover what he couldn't cover. How much debt do you guys have? Well, he has personal debt like $20,000 and credit cards and also in business loans like $127. I don't have any personal debt. Are you sure that's all the debt he has? Because what I would do is pull credit reports for both of you from all three bureaus to make sure that's what he told me. I'm not going off of what he tells you anymore. I know. So tonight you're going to pull all three reports from all three bureaus, both of you. Okay. Because you need a full picture of the damage here because I think if he's lying about this, there's other debt. And we need a clear picture of we're going to move forward at all. Because I don't know how you're going to afford this house now because the rest is going to have to be on a mortgage and he's saying I'll handle it. Correctly. Yes. What's the house cost? It's $50. So you're talking about taking on a half million dollar mortgage. Yes.

4:06Correct. And he's totally fine with doing that and you guys will qualify based on your income. Yes. Oh boy. This scares me. I mean, there's so much more than that. The house is the least of your problems with this point. Okay. You have someone who is a gambling addict, a pathological liar who's committed tons of financial and fidelity while you have two young kids at home. I understand. So if we don't solve that problem, the house isn't going to fix anything, even if we solve that one. Well, how do we solve this problem if he doesn't see it as an addiction? You're going to need to reveal that to him and it might take other people to reveal that to him. I don't know that you can think of any. I mean, regardless of whether he admits it or not, I think you guys need, you need marriage counseling ASAP because we had a session and he's been like it and he said he doesn't want to do it anymore. Well, I think he's telling you something then, Kate.

5:10I know. And that's a really sad reality. He's choosing his gambling addiction over his family at this point. He's opting out of the money. And Dr. John Zaloney always talks about how your actions are basically the words you're not saying. He's not willing to fight for this marriage, Kate. That puts a hard strain on decisions in the future probably. I probably would not go through with buying a house with him right now. Because you already told me that he has not been consistent on payments. So what happens when you guys have a bigger mortgage payment and he doesn't have the money because he gambled it all away that money. And from a marriage perspective, he's telling you he doesn't want to work on your marriage. I know. I know. He's convincing me that I don't like I see it differently. No, you're not the crazy one, Kate. The kids call that gaslight at this stage. That's right. Yes. He lost $121,000 by quote unquote day trading.

6:12Yeah, before that, he lost like 50,000 every before that he lost like others like 10 cents. Yeah. And again, I'm always so cautious when we get to this point in a conversation with a call because we have about three more minutes with you. And then you have to go make these decisions about your life, Kate. But I mean, there's some ultimatums that I mean, if you wouldn't put up with this if it was drugs, right, that well, he, you know, fits in this or you put something else in the money slots, the gambling slots and that and it should be how you feel. I'm so sorry. And so I think for UK, I would go see, I would go find a great therapist because I think you're going to need some language and some identity work to be able to stand really strong for you and your kids. And then, and then he's going to have to make some decisions based on what you need because he's the one that broke the trust, not you. He broke the trust.

7:13And so there's going to be some things that he's going to have to do to repair that trust for this marriage to move forward. And yeah, you can't force him into recovery, but what you can do is put up some very clear boundaries that you're going to separate your money so that he can't do damage to your family any longer. And that if he wants us to continue, then he's going to need to see a gambling addiction specialist who can assess him. Yeah. Yeah, that's how I see it. Yeah. So do we process, we have to like go buy this house because there's no way back. Do we buy it and sell it? Because at this point, I would talk to the lender and see what your options are and see what the contract you sign says. See if there's a way to get out of it. And you may have to forfeit a penalty or something, but I wonder if there is a way for you to get out because I would not put my name on a house with him right now. I think your marriage is on the rocks. And even if you lost that deposit of 50k, he's done more stupid tax in the last year than that 50k deposit you'd lose. And he'll continue to do it if we don't put an end to this. Yeah.

8:13Yeah. Yeah. And it can be taken care to change it is what it sounds like. He'll make 50k in the next three months. So we can rebuild that. Yes. But we need to do his focus on his inability to lead this family well and not to destroy them. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But I would find a great counselor in your area and have them walk with you through this process. But oh, I'm so sorry. Create your free every dollar budget today, the simplest way to budget for your life.