My Wife Is Putting Me in the Middle of These Conflicts

0:00Thanks for listening to my call of the day brought to by my new sponsor, Chapter. Chapter compares every Medicare plan nationwide helps you find the one that fits. Get your answer with one free call to chapter. Go to schapter.org today to get the clarity you deserve. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM Triumph and connect with me 24-7 at drlora.com. Scott, welcome to the program. Hi, drlora. Thank you for taking my call. Can you hear me clearly? Yes, I can. Excellent. How can I help you? You know, drlora, I've been listening to you for a while and been contemplating calling in, but here we are. I was looking for some advice, some problems with my children's mother, if we're no longer together. I feel like I'm caught up in a lot of resentment towards the way she's treating me over the

1:00past, you know, six, seven years through the separation. My daughters are becoming teenagers and they're fantastic, but I see a lot of their mother and them and the way they act and the way they speak. And I can tell that I get triggered really easily when we have conversations with each other. I know that's probably not right, but basically I'm asking for advice on how to let go. I don't understand what you're talking about when they talk to each other. First of all, you're a grown man, control yourself. I don't want to hear any triggered stuff from a grown man, okay? That's important that you understand as a grown man, you have the strength of character to totally control your reactions, totally. And if you choose to control your reactions, it makes you more powerful in your life. So describe what you see that upsets you. Let's talk about it as upsetting you.

2:00So what do you see your kids saying or doing that upsets you? Some of the language that you use, their mom asking calls me difficult. When I disagree with my daughters on something like chores or I tell them what to do to do something, I'll get a response back. You're being difficult. Okay, and at that point you say, sir, sir, stop with your ex-wife. You're a father now, you're not a husband. So stop referring everything to your unhappiness about your ex-wife. That's over. She's not your wife, you're not her husband. But you have kids and no matter where they get attitude from, you need to deal with it as a parent.

3:01So you can very kindly say, well, since I need you to clean up the dishes, the dishes need to be cleaned up, we all have to partake in keeping our little family together here, you, to and me. So how can I ask you to clean the dishes without being difficult? I wonder, explain it to me. So with a sense of humor, sweetness and calm, you deal with the moment. You don't go, I'm grown man, but I'm triggered because my ex-wife was nice to me. Come on, you're too old for that, Scott. Come on. I agree. I agree. So cut it out. So if you're a parent, if they give you attitude, smile and say, well, is there a non-difficult way I can get you to do the dishes? Humor. Okay. Solved. Solved. Say, stay the parent, stay the father.

4:04You're not her husband anymore. Let it go. I agree. I agree. I definitely caught myself many times feeling like adolescent emotions towards this whole situation. And maybe I just needed to hear it from somebody else's perspective to understand it more. Good. Good, Scott. Be the man. Okay. I know you're up to it. Okay. I appreciate it. All right. Take care. My number 1-800-375-28-72. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. Serious XM Triumph. Is life presenting you with challenges? Getting real answers with Dr. Laura.

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