Nephew Strikes Again: Uncle Vernmo DROPS the Unexpected Truth 😂Halfway To Middle Aged Podcast #50

Welcome to episode number 50 of the Halfway to Middle-Age podcast Uncle Vernemo.

I'm Jay Bone.

I feel like I should have thrown on my Josh Allen.

I think you should.

Sure is he for this.

It's almost football.

Shoot him.

I know.

And speaking of kind of football, big news of the day, I think we need to share it.

Maybe we drop it, Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey.

He popped the question.

She said, yes.

I know.

I figured it was happening.

I heard all the congrats to him.

Yeah.

I heard all the swifty's rumors going around TikTok.

I'm like, really?

They're like, if you look at the background of this and that, and then you can tell that

this.

And I'm like, just become a detective.

Sure, friends with Taylor Swift.

How good of friends would you have had to be to ask her for money, do you think?

Like if you knew somebody, like you would Logan right now.

If Logan were tell, you know him well enough to hit him for a loan.

Here's a thing.

I don't like borrowing money for people though.

But she's got so much.

I mean, come on.

I guess if I was like, if I said like $1,000 to Taylor Swift is like, yeah.

If I was like, you know, if I asked Taylor Swift for $1,000, she doesn't even

know what $1,000 is.

That doesn't mean anything to her at all.

Like, what's $1,000?

Yeah.

She's like, okay, 1,000 here.

Take two.

I don't even give a shit.

10.

Have it.

My question to you is, this is an interesting question I have now.

Yeah.

Go.

I can wait.

Mine's not relevant.

Yeah.

I'm just curious.

Like if she came to you and was like, look, I want to help you.

Yeah.

You've been there from the beginning.

Here's some money to start.

You know.

Start your own accounting firm.

If she said, like, you know, just.

I'm doing it.

Throw me 10% on the back end.

Do you think as a friend that's like a dirt bag move to try to profit off of you?

Are you cool with it?

10%.

Whatever.

I think I think if she's giving me money to start a business, I can't be mad that she wants

10%.

So I'm using all of her money.

Your lips are lining up at all.

But it's fine.

Not at all.

That's better.

I think what I think we're.

Yeah.

Now we're good.

Anyway.

So with football season upon us.

Oh, yeah.

You had something to say.

Sorry.

Did you have a thought?

Yes, I did.

Yep.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

Yes.

Yes.

I did.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

That's what it was.

Well, first off, I don't know if we said it.

I think we motioned.

This is episode 50.

Big, oh.

5-0.

Yeah.

But now that you know they're getting married.

And they're very, very famous.

They are.

Who do you think.

No, no.

Who do you think will change their last name.

either you don't think either one you don't think they'll do a hyphenated baby but I don't think she

actually gonna be Taylor Swift Kelsey I don't think he's gonna be Travis Swift Kelsey so or Kelsey Swift

so I would do it what if they both marry and tell her Swift I would take her last name I'm just

saying I would do it whose name goes first if you're hyphenated and Swift and Kelsey who goes first

yeah I don't really know about that one she's way more famous than him I think I do I think

it's Swift I think because because she's Taylor Swift you know yeah she's Taylor Swift if you go

more famous than Travis Kelsey if you go to the wedding if you're invited now I know it sounds

like an easy question yeah but you show up you're not gonna be able to we're not gonna be able to

give the gift that everybody else is what are you gonna do you almost have to not give a gift

because if I drop two fuzzles in the card you know I'm stepping out putting 300 in there we just

talked about Taylor's just dropping thousands it doesn't matter to her yeah you know all their

friends have millions what do you give them what do you give them as a gift is my question what could

you possibly give well since Taylor Swift paid for me to open an accounting firm I'm gonna give him

free consulting free well there you go that's it but she didn't do shit for me so that's it

you can't like you can't like who do you think would be there they're like they have three spots

who's in their wedding hmm Taylor Swift who do you think is in their wedding well definitely Jason

right well yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a that's a given I don't know much it's a brother

honestly so like I don't know she's not really isn't she a part of a giant squad or something

like the swifty squad or some shit like that she was really good friends with like like lively but

I think that kind of fell off so I don't know I don't think anyone's really good friends with her

anymore yeah I don't know I don't know I will say that frickty hot like with the squad oh she's

friends with me my Selena Gomez right she probably be in it I mean I'm talking okay

really no Google AI which I already I have something to say about that um Taylor Swift famous

circle of close friends includes actresses models and singers members includes Selena Gomez

Hailey Steinfeld Gigi Hadid and Blake I don't I think they need to update this I don't know if

Blake will have we still in the line line over here Hailey Steinfeld and Josh Allen are definitely

at the wedding I mean you might as well be easy right I don't know if you could see this being

that's my guy right there yeah all right I would go to the wedding I would not I would not

bring a gift at all that's like there's no point to it I'm gonna stress myself out like if I'm

just a high school friend and I get invited to Travis Kelsey's like I used to play football with him

I'm cool but I'm kind of still me and he's him you know he likes me enough to invite me to his wedding

I don't see maybe I'll like maybe a picture of the two of us or something I put it in a frame

because I don't know what else I could bring to the table that he would care enough about that

yeah you know what I mean I think he'd understand how long well enough if you're yeah if you

were Travis Kelsey's quarterback in high school right you're the guy who were who was giving him the

ball to put up those numbers right how long do you brag about it I don't think it ever stops

like every time I go to Dunkin Donuts I say that before ordering my coffee you know what I mean

like it's like something I have a shirt that says Kelsey's TD I mean QB I got a tattoo I got

everything picture it me and him you know during a you know like high five yeah yeah all of it

I'm telling everybody I think I would enjoy my time with Travis I don't know if he wants to hang

out maybe if he wants to come on the show I hear he's got a podcast he wants to have us on there

that's fine too you know I mean if we have to travel we'll travel I don't care they do it on zoom

they do it on zoom so we don't even have to travel that's fine even one's in Philly one's in Kansas City

so this is episode 50 which is pretty remarkable that we've gotten to 50 I've said it a thousand

times if I haven't said it 10,000 times Mr. B says 100 is the benchmark we got 50 we're halfway

there we're halfway there we're halfway to middle age well you are I just turned 47 to realize

if I'm in my halfway point in life that's 94 which I'm never going to make it so I got pretty

depressed and in 20 years to my 47 hitting me at 67 so it slapped me in the face that I'm going to

be an old man before I fucking know it and I don't like it my permanent we're going to get to

a hundred episodes and see if Mr. Beast is truly correct that we become international stars so I

pulled off the is that what he said he didn't say us specifically or international stars but he

did say that's what you could kind of hone your skills like you're taking a little out of context

I think a little bit out of context but you know I wrote a couple things down here oh I want to

know this I thought this was pretty interesting would you rather hook up with a girl I know you're

happily you know just about fucking married but just imagine in the world where you weren't would

you rather hook up with somebody that moans like a goat or hook up with someone who narrates the

entire thing like a sports commentator it's a good question because now I have to think about it

let me try to think the moaning like a goat might be I feel like I was either way I'm going to

laugh at some point you make a chick moan like a goat that means that you're doing something

wrong so I want it's the way I'm not laughing what I don't want is oh I put my hand down his pants

it's smaller than I thought so she's I don't have we have to specify though

what sport it's like energy level because if it's soccer if it's golf and the pants are down

there's trying to find their way in about bottom of the night baseball and he steps up to the plate

bam the cocks out yeah like that's what I'm saying like what is what like like if it's golf

compared to baseball I want baseball and here's the pitch it is cock is tiny but I think we can make

it work oh he doesn't know what he's doing with his fingers but god damn his tongue works pretty well

it's going it's going it's all the words it's finished and that was a quick game thank you for

joining us you know what I mean like if it was golf it would be shitty it'd be like yeah and the

penis is tiny yeah and golf snaps for everybody and I sure wish he would move his tongue faster

in a circular motion that will call that one a triple bogey and move on maybe nobody ever told

that he sucks in bed and is what he stepped up to the pot looking like he looking like he knows

what he's doing he's a real poser this doesn't feel good at all he's sweating on me and breathing

heavily into my ear but I'm going to fake it to get out of this in three two one and we're out

I'll go see like oh with the go see I would go with baseball answer do you ever come if I could

specify sport then I'll go with sport if I can't I'll go go you ever feel like I feel like

and lately I've noticed that I kind of narrate stuff my like before I do it I'm like yeah and you

know he stepped into the bathroom he had to take a leak like it's in my head like I'm telling myself

what I'm going to do before I do it it's weird it could be like the first step of like me having

like some type of a tumor I don't know this because I'm not a doctor but there's something weird

going on where I'm kind of telling myself what I'm going to do before I do it like I always have

I can narrow like up wonder years like I could cure myself thinking about what I'm going to do

before I actually do it it's weird you know I mean I don't do that but I also wouldn't say that's

a sign of a tumor I went my age my advantage everything is just the the sign of a tumor let me

see what I got here did you hear my girlfriend are very similar there was one time I'm not even

kidding um I'm not going to go too detailed she started having like not really issues at all

and then she went on a wedding day oh yeah you comes in from the bathroom comes in from the

bathroom to her room crying telling me that she thinks she has a tumor downstairs

and it's saying that she needs to go to doctor and she won't like they're telling her that made that

it's most likely and I'm like I don't know if we should try WebMD let's not trust that I could

maybe see a doctor if you're worried I could tell you from and then if you stub your toe and it hurts

and you look it up on WebMD you will be convinced that you're dying somehow WebMD never gives good news

it is always worst case scenario with WebMD I remember I looked up if I could drink with the antibiotics I

took for a um for my tick bite and they told me that I'll just fucking could possibly just pass away

from multiple multiple causes I could puke and choke on my puke I could fuck it like I was like

did you take advantage of her saying that you know she was you know maybe stuff that was going on

down there and you told her let's see if we could still do this if you could do it then you know

you don't have a tumor down there so you could have really used that to your bed I'm gonna tell you

right now if I go to my wife and I say I'm pretty sure I have and she says let me blow it and if

you could get hard and finish you don't have it I'm believing it and I'm letting her do it she's

a nurse not a doctor I'm just saying I would believe it that's all I'm saying I would if

it nurse told me I'm not believing WebMD yeah let me see what I got here oh was there more to

your story did she did she finally calm down yeah we she had a doctor's appointment anyway

and she went to the doctor and they said no you're good you're fine well that's all you really need

all right so blind rankings ranked these top five but name whoa 47 years we start

brain is shot Italian brain right look that up that's a real thing I had it what is it

I was watching the videos on TikTok anyway so blind rankings competies okay one being the best

five being the worst they're all good so just going to say that right they're all good super bad

super bad that's not fair to start out with it is no it's not I'm gonna put it

to because although I do love that movie if there's there if you're saying that all of them are good

and you're coming out to gay with that either you're trying to fuck me or you're true knocked

out that's a four that's funny but Zach and Miri knocked up knocked up isn't oh

see like knocked up in any I think in any list is gonna be in the fourth range

I shouldn't say any list because you could just throw out some really shit some but

it's Matt and Miri isn't like a good like it's really not a good movie but it's just like so

filled with stupid and raunchy shit that it's funny hey Matt and Miri was that what I said what's up

doesn't what did I say I said Matt but maybe you didn't maybe said maybe said Zach I don't know I just

I heard Matt and Miri and it sounds like a cool name so I gotta say that I'm putting that at three

because it's not really if it's just funny it's just stupid funny it's not like funny funny hangover

to like that deserves the one spot because like that is it that is a comedy movie that has like

real movie behind it like yeah that's number one that's number one easy where do you have left

five five ready ready to be pissed at yourself probably up to fuck you because I went in the order I

wanted you to go in I did it I led you down this path so just know this guy fucked you step

brothers you put a number five that's your fucking fault that's not on me guy you put stepbrothers

behind those other movies you fucked up okay stepbrothers is my number one movie of all time so

I knew that and that's why I knew that really so that's why exactly I knew what I was doing

what's the best one at five after all those yeah that's fucked out you fucked you fucked you

you got fucked oh dude listen to this so and gets these this deal on Birkenstocks which I

bought for myself and love them totally fit my style I don't know why I fought it for all these

years gets a deal on three pairs for the kids I told her the deals too good they come in the

mail I shit you not I could get the box for next episode or the shoe it's the funniest thing

they come in the mail the kids are super excited Abigail goes what is a Birken's cock they're

fucking from China there's it is Birken's cock on the box and on the shoe oh fucking China they

centers three three pair it says Birken's cock on the chair it says Birken's cock it's the

funniest fucking thing so they found a loophole so we got three pairs of Birken's cocks and a deal

so well how good are they are they good knockoffs yeah bad and and and disputed it with the with

the company and got the money back and kept the shoes are really really so you got a free pair

you got three free pairs of pretty decent Birken's cocks right but yeah no I love them I really

really do so you're back to school are you enjoying it so far no it's only a couple days in but

yeah it's not bad I mean I have mostly night classes which kind of sucks but what do you

can do what are you gonna do right I mean enjoy it because pretty soon you're gonna have nothing

but basically fucking day work yeah yeah because I was thinking about it today I wanted to ask you

a couple questions I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it so what is your thoughts on when you

are married let's say you have three kids what do you think is going to be like the daily life of

you and Emma's are you gonna have certain chores you believe are you gonna be are you gonna be

the laundry guy who who added the two years better at keeping a house clean you were Emma she'll

she'll probably thousand percent her okay what about laundry like will I do it or like what's the

question she better she's definitely I don't know if she's better she's more consistent at it all

right how about dishes I could do dishes I could wash you're the dish guy I like wash

to do this why don't we do this why don't we do this we give you the dishes right we give you the

garbage duties I get garbage duties which I don't mind I don't know that one's easy what the

week I take it the cans out but I'd bring them down to the basement you're gonna probably have

Poland Springs right so you you be the water guy I'm trying to help you for the future here so

that you have defined roles because in my house we didn't for a long time so when I didn't do the

laundry I got called a flaming piece of shit so then one day I said well let's just define our

roles in this house okay so I'm trying to do this for you so you define and then with the kids

you're gonna you'll have you'll you'll you'll do diapers right you're not you're not a post you're

not a post diapers a post oh you're gonna do you're gonna I certainly don't like a shitty

diaper but I will change it I used to love a shitty diaper easier with a boy though because you

could clean around the balls you start you had to be you got to work with it with the with the baby

girls though it's a little bit harder especially if the messes but you say you love a shitty diaper I

don't mind a shitty diaper because it's one of the few moments that you could actually like

spend with your kid tickle on they couldn't move really move around so you missed the days of

having babies yes now especially that my kids are older old enough to the point now where my 10

year old comes from upstairs in his bedroom I've downstairs in the kitchen eating or eating breakfast

and drink a coffee comes downstairs I hear him barreling down the fucking steps he walks past

a bathroom and he goes out onto the deck to take a leak when he comes back in I said why did you

walk past the bathroom to go outside to take a leak and he said it's simple it's because I woke

up with morning wood and I didn't want to have to bend my penis down and make it hurt into the toilet

so it was easier for me to pee off the back deck and on and on to the ground you could understand

that right and I said I can't argue that that's yeah that's actually valid that's valid reasoning

here's a 10 year old that yes I it says stuff like that to me and then in the city we walk by

he goes hey daddy look at that gentleman's club I really wish that they would have windows there

so I could take a quick look in there and I said yeah well they're not going to do that because

that all the perverts in New York City would be around he said what's a pervert I said people that

want to see boobs for free and he said aren't all guys perverts then and I said now they're really

good point so he goes what if I just walked in there and I said they're going to get you out of

there you're not 21 and then he said well how about you go in first with your ID and pass it

back to me and then I could get in now how does a 10 year old know the pass back rule to get

into a strip club which I think is just amazing I said I just don't think it's going to work I'm

interested in your plan you know what I mean like I'm into it and I know as soon as I get in

there even if I get in there with them this is all going to cost me money because I know he's a

bit of a deadbeat you know at 10 he's not carrying a whole bunch of money with him

with my head thinking like this is he's thought this out is the pretty good idea he's got

so yes what would you have done if people that like fucking like $40 worth of ones out of his wallet

and a fake that said he was 21 and I was like I don't know give it a shot guy I guess

I didn't try the pass back method until I was 19 oh my god this kid knows too much way too much

actually you know that story right oh yeah I'm back in Nashville 19 years old there for

wedding and one of the nicest men on the planet our boy with the red hair with the red I think

we could call Justin out we could we could shout Justin out what up Justin what up Justin what

are the coolest guys world he's the guy we joke about with the overcooked meats because he

makes the burn oh dude I was a hockey puck but he could be there three yeah overcooks his meat

and he likes um he likes that shitty beer that fucking IPA crap only too bad things I could say

so yeah wonderful man always there for you like in this situation we get in line to go

into this bar after the wedding well after the rehearsal dinner trying to get in I'm 19 I don't

have a fake idea I don't have anything the getting line shows the guy his ID passes me back his

ID to use now if you don't know this we don't really look alike I'm pretty pretty far

bounce it looks at the idea I hand him looks up at Justin and just goes dude this is clearly you

this is so clearly you yeah Justin just threw his hands I was like I had a drive

you're good you gave it a shot no I mean don't you think 19 was a little old not to have a fake

ID though at that point in your life you probably should I need it that was the first time I ever

needed a fake ID and also from experience wouldn't it worked anyway do you know what I used to

be able to do I take the eight on my ID and kind of wipe it out so I could turn it into a three

because that's how you used to have to you could you could sit there and chalk IDs you could put

a little chalk on the white and turn the eight into a three so I could get old enough and if you

did it precisely enough it looked pretty good when you walked in but that's the fake IDs that we

had where you had to kind of if but if you had a birthday that you can kind of change if you had

a seven you can kind of you'd have a slanted one be a little fucked up looking but a lot of times

back then they didn't really care and I just I thought fake IDs worked how they did in the vacation

movie when they're in Vegas and he just he took up the deal yeah Papa George

Nick Papa Georgio all of a sudden was 15 cars his dad lost everything

oh what a terrible time are you how do you feel in that moment

as a father you go you go to the casino you lose everything I'm talking everything

up and your kid won it all I'm very your kid with a fake ID has all this are you like

the fuck's wrong with you or you're like thank god I just told you five minutes ago I let my

10 year old in a titty bars I mean probably not the right guy to ask but no I'd be I'd be very

relieved very relieved that I had a boy like Nick Papa Georgio you know your boy and I know your

boy gotta give you think yeah do you think that when you go oh thank god I just lost everything

give me that time of it yeah and if I do there's interest be a charge in that goddamn thing

no he's not giving me shit I think it would be I think I would have to make him somehow because

he wouldn't be old enough I could like threaten to get him like arrested tried to have to do to

get myself back to you listen to you little fuck you're going down if you don't give me back to

I got nine won punched in right now yeah give it to me or the last one's getting dialed yeah

oh my god so we went on vacation I did drink whiskey one time I didn't drink that much

you didn't really drink that much I had to go time I was in bed by eight o'clock every night

except for once I guess because I went to bed at nine but didn't stay up very late so I actually

feel pretty good about myself I enjoy doing that actually I think it's way better day drinking's great

the days of me now 47 thinking about going out until the sun comes up can't do it I used to do it a lot

I'm gonna tell you right now I never want to go out till the sun comes up you don't want to go out

till the sun comes up until you're out at two and you're not ready to go home nope it says I'm

gonna tell you what the difference is I can tell you I'm gonna tell you right now difference is you

found love young that's the fucking difference because I'm telling you right now if you're chasing it

chasing the piece at the bar and it's two and that two could turn to four and four turns into her

apartment you're doing it now you get to go out have fun know that you go home to a woman a girl

that loves you and that's great but for the rest of us that were out you know at this age it's

a little different you kind of stayed out as long as you felt like there was still a inkling of a

shot and a girl that didn't look quite as good at eight starts looking real good at three by five

o'clock she's back to looking like shit but that's when you're walking to your car

I had not to get a ddo you know but um but yeah I think that's I think that's the difference now

between between that I have a countdown for us oh do you uh I kind of a draftish

countdown I'll give you first pick because I know you're gonna pick super bowl champions because

we did this last year if we look back we took teams like the 49ers the jets we totally

fucked this up so let's see if we could one of us could pick the super bowl champion right now

so we're going top three contenders yeah well then I'm taking

I feel like if I don't take them I'm gonna take them so I'm gonna take the bills

all right and I am going to stay close to home there and I'm gonna take the Ravens oh cool I'm

taking Philly oh cool I'm taking Detroit I like that a lot actually although they lost a lot of

steam they lost a lot of steam coming back their offense looks good I mean who knows I'm I'm

kind of rooting for them so I feel like it's a cop out because like I don't even want to see

him win oh with the cleave song go ahead take I'm take I'm doesn't matter because you can you

can never rule out my homes I feel like but like I feel like I agree I don't know I would want

to see him play like a few games before I decided them so I'm going to choose who's another

contender that I would like Ravens Philly's bills who just take the lines I think it's super

unprobable but I feel like the commanders might go pretty far on the playoffs again

I don't want to take the chiefs but I feel like I have to I'm gonna take the chiefs

they're gonna take the chiefs I'm gonna take the bangles I know it's improbable but I just think

Joe borrows like one of the best and I trim our chase and the running games pretty good their

defenses a little so is there defense seen any uh I'm not really sure it's the word why can't I

think of it improvement improvement I knew it started with an eye I forget easy words a lot lately I

think that it's back to the brain timber thing but you can get the NFL this is what I've decided

to do I would like you to do it too but you're usually not up in time every Sunday I'm gonna draft

a hundred dollar lineup on draft games I'm gonna do it either live or I'm gonna post it and then

at the end of the year half of whatever that money is if I win anything I say we're gonna

either divvy it up either weekly or at the end of it give half of the winnings half of the half

to uh St. Jude's because I would like to give some money to so let's say let's say that $1,700

in the year right yeah half of the profits that I win yeah we're gonna be giving back to I see

combination of the list of this show the viewers of this show so 25% to the viewers and then 25%

it's gonna go to St. Jude's how do you gonna do the how how how how how's what's the plan for the viewers

once a week think once a week would probably make sense because the people are gonna want that

money in order to be able to play themselves I think if I think if we do it live we could get

some input because people could start to want to play with us and give us some help because if

before we win they get a chance to win and plus it's going to a good cause

because I mean I am no professional but I did turn a hundred dollar ticket into 20,000 three

years ago I do do this a lot so who knows it could happen again so I want to see it so that is my

plan question I have a feeling on your deathbed like you're gonna be like oh

what I did 120 grand on draft gigs at one time

you know I might get that tattoo and when I get the tattoo a pathway to middle age at 100,000

subscribers I'll get that one you're gonna get it I'm getting it for you on your calf although I hate

calf tattoos it's gonna be actually by the time we get a hundred thousand we're gonna be

fucking making so much money buy your own fucking tattoo I'm off the hook on it you know I mean

I also got a bottle of Moe you say Moe Moe Moe

champagne aged about 35 years I bought it off somebody the other day and I'm saving it it's

all sealed and ready to go it's a $500 bottle of champagne as it sits for when we hit 100,000

is there a certain way to store it champagne yeah I know you know people have been saying that

but either way it's gonna look cool pop that motherfucker even if you don't drink it so I don't

like the way you're talking back to me right now because you got some facts either way um so

yeah the draft king thing will be fun hopefully there's some winners because I would like to give

back to the viewers I would also like to give back to the dudes which I we already I already

donate to and that's gonna continue because this podcast starts to make money and we're just

gonna keep giving back maybe put some in our you know we're gonna line our pockets you know

because we got tattoos to get you got a house to buy yet wedding ring engagement ring all that

shit I got a piece to buy out in turkey I saw scholars die I heard five grand I get the flight I

get to stay over for three nights and I leave with a perfectly good fucking um full head of hair so

I'm kind of interested in that not gonna lie to you on a much cheaper notice note though I'm

I'm going to live out my dream there's one dream that I've decided is in reach I'm gonna live it

out I'm gonna do it and I think it's gonna be awesome I am going to buy 365 pairs of socks

it's gonna happen the next couple weeks not sure how the wife's gonna think like it I'm gonna

wear one pair of socks each day of the year for the next year so what's your plan after are you

tossing them every day or are you keeping them I got to keep them I don't have that kind of money

I'll probably have to wear them for the next 20 years so but I'm gonna do it because I'm gonna

make it my mission to get the best possible deal that I can and see what that'll cost and I think

it's gonna be awesome so I'm gonna I'm gonna film that and I'm gonna I think that'll make for

a very interesting video and I think it'll be really funny when I come in with 365 pairs of

said socks when my wife basically probably tell me dude well I'll tell you this Amazon right now

has a 240 pair oh for 55 bucks holy shit that sheep they got the no shell or no yeah they got no

shell yeah 240 pair or you get a 240 pair of ankle like above the ankle for 71 what the

fuck dude all this time I thought this was so far I'd reach and I could get I could get 500

pair for like a hundred and twenty dollars you know what I heard every other day I heard that

bomba says that socks are like the number one thing asked for homeless shelters so I think I'm

gonna do that I think I will buy like 240 pair and and deliver them to the church

why not why not buy myself some I'll buy some for people that could use them I mean

did they have different colors or they're all white um this pack is white gray and black

right damn I never think to look on Amazon I'm only like a shopper in person but that's the way

to fucking do it I guess did you know about this hubboob I think I'm saying it right a booboo

a booboo it's the towering wall of dust and turns into near zero visibility that just happened

in Phoenix Arizona and our boy K diggy just moved there permanently said oh man that was pretty

cold uh i didn't know if you saw that hold on let me what is it called hubboob hubboob

i blew the storm Whoa they pop he demon hunters um movie is out in a movie theater and on Netflix have

you do you know anything about kpop and demon hunters or anything about that let me tell you

this right now I know 0% about kpop not definitely not my not directed towards my

my age group and probably not yours because my son was really into it.

It seems to be kind of a big deal.

Like a movie?

It's a movie, but it's a cartoon, I believe.

Yeah, I saw it like K-pop.

I saw it on the number, the top 10 movies on Netflix from that list.

I'm going to go out and I'm going to do a hot take right now.

What's your hot take?

Sydney's sweet and he's hot.

That's is that a hot take because she's hot or okay.

Okay, I ask you right now, you're single.

You wake up in a world where you're single will all pretend.

Sydney Sweeney or who else can I think who's in that?

Who's in that realm?

Scarlett Johansson's Sydney Sweeney.

She got her by about 20 years, I think, maybe 15.

It's not in the age.

I feel like she's cooler.

Do you think so?

I would think so.

Definitely seems cool.

Oh, I saw this.

They shared this as they said that this is considered unemployment

and boredom, so this E-Rob.

You ever heard of E-Rob?

I'm probably saying the name wrong, but I looked it up.

This guy spent 34 hours filling up a bathtub

with using nothing but a spoon.

And my question to you is, how long do you think

you could sit there with just a spoon filling up a bathtub

before you said, fuck it?

23 minutes.

23?

Yeah.

You think in 23 minutes there's enough of a mark

in the bathtub that you would, so at that point,

you're like, I'm gonna be here for 34 hours.

He thought he'd eat the 10 hours from what I read.

No way.

No way I could do it.

A spoon full at a time?

No way.

No way.

No way.

What do you think?

So if you spoon filled up like a pitcher,

how long would that take?

That take 20 minutes, right?

No, I would take more than 20 minutes.

Think of how little liquid it fits in a spoon.

It's a pain in the ass to fill up a spoon too

with water with the way that it runs

because you got to do it like it's got to be like a trickle.

Yeah, because you can't just fill it up quickly.

Like you got to have a bucket to scoop out of.

Like you can't get it out of the spiket.

That's true.

That's a good point.

Because if you're getting out of the spiket,

let's take it way longer.

Yeah.

You're not even getting a full spoon out of it.

No, because that thing can pressurize if it's gone

by the time you walk back from the thing, yeah, no.

I think we should try it with a five pound bucket.

We could try it.

It's going to take a long time.

What if we, what if we were like having beers while we were doing it?

Well, then that's fun.

Hold on.

There's not many things that you could tell me.

There's not many fun with a couple of serons.

His name is E-Rob, I believe.

I could have wrote it down wrong.

My handwriting is getting worse.

Also something that could have something to do with it.

Tuma.

Brain Tuma.

Okay, so there's 3,840 teaspoons in five gallons.

3,800 times you have to fill up and do this.

Yeah.

You're going to start getting a little forearm workout from that.

Oh, yeah.

Let's assume it's in a bucket.

One, two, three.

You can do one a second.

Yeah, but you're going to, yeah, in a bucket.

If we're getting out of a bucket.

Now, if it's not water and you're able to do something

that's like granular, maybe like sugar,

I bet you could fill it up a lot quicker.

Oh, yeah, because you could mound it.

You could mound sugar.

Hmm.

You could get big scoops of sugar.

Big sugar.

So if we did one, a second.

Yeah.

Supposedly a five gallon bucket would take 64 minutes.

Wow.

That's pretty crazy.

Let's see, how many gallons is a bathtub?

It's a good question.

Is a bathtub pretty generic?

I feel like, I mean, they have different sizes, obviously,

but I like a bath.

You're not a bath guy, though, right?

No.

So a standard bathtub holds anywhere from 40 to 60 gallons,

but they can reach sizes of 70 to 80.

So we got to do 180,000 scoops now.

My 18,000, no.

How many fucking gallons, 60?

We'll go 60.

OK.

So that's 46,080 teaspoons.

That's crazy.

Do you know how many hours that is?

No.

At one a second.

And you have to hold one a second for 46,000.

Like, you can't be like, like, that's,

this is just rapid fire.

Yeah, this is 13.

If you can go for 13 hours of this consistently,

you can go for 34 hours.

So he's doing basically one every three.

One every two and a half seconds somewhere around there.

Yeah, roughly.

That's crazy, though.

Somebody's got to be bringing them food and water.

Like, 34 hours a long, fucking time.

Like, could you met, like, that's, like, you're going

to start to hurt, like, you're hurting the next day.

Imagine you're like, oh, why are you sore?

Just putting water in a bathtub with a spoon.

Like, your shoulder's going to get tired.

Your wrist, your forearm.

We tag teamed it.

We could get, you know what I mean?

You tag out when your arm starts to hurt.

Yeah, when you're getting fatigued,

you let the other guy go for a little bit,

and then you switch out.

That crossfit, kind of tag, and tag out.

Probably the only thing me and you all

ever tag team in our life.

Speaking of that, hopefully, it looks like I'm going to say,

fuck, my brain is Italian brain rot.

So the other day, I told my wife, when she dies,

if I'm still alive, that I'm going to get the words cold

as always on her headstone.

And she said, that's fine, because if you die first,

I'm going to get stiff at last.

If it lasts.

It's funny because it's coming from her.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, so Andrew comes home.

He said he was in class the other day,

and the teacher said to the one kid,

well, comes after 69.

And little Johnny says, mouthwash.

Hopefully, kicked him right out.

Do you know how I know this wasn't your joke from the start?

That was cool.

I get it.

It's fucking summer.

People don't know that other people have school right now.

You ruined my goddamn joke.

It was like he said, he came back from class.

I said, what the fuck?

And he's in summer school.

Yeah, he's in summer school.

He's no.

So anyway, I have a couple more things written down here.

Episode number 50.

Oh, I did write this down.

All right, for those of you who are joining us

for the first time, episode 50 of the Halfway to Middle

Age podcast.

This is an Uncle Nephi podcast.

And it is built around our generational contrast

as we swap stories, roast each other,

and dive into some of the most trending topics.

And we do a lot of awkward and over-the-top hypotheticals.

What separates us from others is that we are a clash

of generational perspectives.

Let some people know about us.

Now, if I could have read that smoother, it would have been good.

I could actually use that.

I wrote it down.

I can't read the fucking thing.

I need my glasses.

Let me try it again.

Oh, shit.

Now I can actually see it.

Why do you have such a distaste for your glasses?

Because I don't want to fucking wear them.

That's why I love when I hate when I don't have my glasses.

Episode 50, we are Halfway to Middle Age.

Those of you joining us for the first time.

Thank you for joining us.

Just a little bit about us.

We are an Uncle Nephi podcast built

around a generational contrast.

We swap stories.

We roast each other and dive into some of the most trending

topics that there are.

We also share awkward and over the top hypotheticals.

What sets us apart?

Fuck this.

It doesn't matter.

I can see it.

So can I read it?

I was going to teleprompter to do this.

170.

What sets us apart?

What sets us apart?

Do you want to know?

Is that I can't fucking read?

That's what sets us apart.

Do you want to see a 47-year-old that can't read?

If I fucking rock he'd be out of the way.

We said he collars on you because you can't read rock.

You should have just left the excuse

that you don't have your glasses.

Damn.

That's nice.

Oh my god.

All right.

Well, anyway, that's who we are.

We are way to middle age.

We are 50 years old.

And we would love to have somebody on your interview.

Thank you.

I would mind interviewing someone.

I'd love to interview somebody.

I'd love to interview the gallows

so at the beach the other day.

That for five minutes while packing up,

had a lit cigarette in her mouth.

How do you do that?

That takes time to be able to.

That takes skill.

And isn't the smoke going up into your eyeballs?

Not necessarily, right?

I don't know.

I never smoked a cigarette.

Well, I smoked one half.

Well, I stuck one once.

To my aunt, you know, you are.

I stole one from you.

It's 35 years ago.

And it was disgusting.

But I did it.

You ever?

One years old.

That's weird.

You ever rip it apart?

No.

Really?

No need for it.

No need this day and age.

Because you guys got the old vapes back in the year.

You wanted to look cool?

I always thought I'd look cool to smoke cigarettes,

but then I just thought I'd look cool.

I guess it didn't.

I definitely didn't look cool doing it.

What are you like?

It burned every part of my body.

I didn't enjoy it a bit.

Yeah, I could imagine.

So I can't really smoke.

I wrote this in a dry erase, and I can't read my words.

So on top of not being able to read it in general,

I can't read the handwriting.

So I think that's about it.

I'm really glad that you came on.

You know, I didn't want to break it up,

but you forgot my birthday.

I don't have many left.

So maybe you can make it up next year.

Thank you.

I've got tickets.

I'm going to see Adam Sandler on September 16th.

I'm hoping he calls me up on the stage.

Probably not probable.

I'll put it in a good word.

I'll send something down.

Wait, was that the one in Albany or is that the one in the city?

Albany.

Albany, New York.

So I'm doing Tuesday.

Tuesday, September 16th.

I will be seeing none other than the great Adam Sandler.

And if I meet Adam Sandler, I'm going

to tell us what sets us apart as a podcast.

We are an uncle nephew duo, where we,

Taylor gave her what I wrote.

But damn it, it's funny.

We bridge bridge bridge bridge bridge bridge generational gaps.

And anyway, just rip my fucking vinyl off my desk with that one.

You have vinyl on your desk.

Like the stuff that covers the plywood sides?

How's your dog, by the way?

Did you get a dog yet?

I don't hear it.

No.

No dog.

Not going to get a dog.

They decided against it really.

I was asked yesterday by my son, if I could come back as any animal, what I come back

as.

And I said, human.

I said dog.

I'd rather a human.

I got to be a cute dog, though.

You know what I mean?

No offense.

What if you're not?

I'm saying, if I, I'm going to come back one that nobody likes and nobody goes, if

I'm getting reincarnated, I'd better be a pretty human like, yeah, it's a good point.

I would like to be reincarnated as a, like a, like a poodle.

Because I look brutal as to me, and I want to be an inside pet.

Think about this way, though.

We'd love to snack.

Yeah.

Now we have no thumbs.

And my dog looks at me eating snacks all day, and I don't share.

Yeah.

What if you get that family?

Yeah.

Because that's bad.

That's not snacking is having somebody snack in your face.

Yeah.

And I had just a little bit of fruit loops left, and I gave you a third of the box, a bowl.

But you know, those, don't forget about how your bowl was filled, don't forget about

that key detail.

I know my memories around, but I, I seemed to recall that my bowl was smaller, but maybe

not.

No.

We recall.

That was a fat middle schooler who literally loved to eat.

You come over here with a full bowl, I was like, oh, shit, we're beginning ourselves

into it.

I had four loops in there.

Don't eat it all in one spoon.

Yeah.

I don't even need a spoon, I just drank the milk.

Milk's the best part.

So you got, you got a big bowl of milk, so that depends on what series you're talking

about, though.

Hmm.

That's the best.

Cementos Crunch?

Best milk.

Yeah.

Go.

Next, not cereals, but best cereal milk.

Top three, go.

30 pebbles.

Cementos Crunch.

Captain Crunch.

Berries.

Cocoa Puss.

Fruit loops.

Nah, he got two fruities, you can actually get like all fruity.

At all fruities, I like berry stuff, I don't like chocolate flavored cereal.

I told you, it's not the cereal, it's the milk.

Yeah, but if I don't eat the cereal, I'm definitely not going to drink the milk.

That's a fucking fact.

You got a point.

That's valid.

You know, my third will be.

What am I third?

Do you like a frosted flake?

Just straight sugar milk.

I'll take frosted flakes.

I like frosted flakes.

I like shredded miniweets, too.

I do love a miniweep, but I don't like, I like them dry.

I like just dry miniweets.

They get so soggy, so fast.

Yeah, but they're dry miniweets, sounds awful.

That sounds like masturbating with a dry hand.

Is that really that bad?

I mean, would I rather eat a miniweep, dry than not at all?

Yeah.

I guess I also would rather masturbate without lotion.

No, I'd rather masturbate without lotion than not masturbate at all.

See, I told you.

That's a perfect analogy.

The choice.

I choose my cereal and my hand to be wet.

I don't know.

I'm not just saying.

That's a fucking fact.

That's a fucking fact that I would, if I had my druthers,

that that's what I would choose.

I swear to God, the last, including this one,

the last three podcasts we've done,

I wouldn't have no idea how to explain what we've talked about.

Really?

It's hard.

How do you name an episode when you go from talking about,

owning 360 pairs of socks to saying that even...

That's the point, though.

What did you say?

No, I don't want to say it.

But it might be what sets us apart.

The fact, though, you're in.

You're in halfway to middle age, episode 50.

If it's your first time joining us,

I want to let you know that sets us apart from everybody else.

It's this right here.

We have not sold ourselves out to the devil,

which could be following the trends.

No, we talk about what's in our heads in this crazy ass head.

And maybe that's going to make us superstars one day.

I don't know, but it's what sets us apart.

Thank you for that segue.

He said, you put it on the tee.

Bam.

Knocked it down.

I said, I like my cereal and my hand wet.

That's all I said.

And I do.

Those are my choices.

If you like to go dry everything, that's fine.

But that's not me.

That's not me.

I have tried everything from pouring out a cucumber

to any type of lotion I could get my hands on, literally.

So if that tells you anything, a cucumber.

Yeah, why not?

Because we both know you don't need a whole cucumber.

All right, pickle.

Yeah, I went and the jar got a pickle.

That ship burst.

I got a Michael for a truck.

I might go for dry next time over a pickle jerk.

That was not my best bet I've ever

done.

That in one time I thought a lemon would be a good idea.

That's a true story.

And I was the worst fucking experience of my life trying to do that.

And I don't know why you thought of anything with acid.

And it would feel good on the old weener hole.

I'll tell you, it did feel pretty good at the start.

Didn't really feel all that good afterwards after the disgust

sat in.

And I was and I was sitting there with a rash all over my

Wang.

But can you tell me if this was pre or after American pie?

I just before got it.

So you didn't have anything, you know, guiding you, thinking maybe

don't know we just watched American pie.

Could you imagine if you were him that got on video to the whole

school, like that would be crazy right now.

Like you said, then you wrote and then she's like barely touching

you.

And you're like, and you're you're you're finishing like twice

in a minute.

And how do you how do you go back to school?

I really have some idea.

I don't think I could.

I got one more joke for you, but I can't.

I'm just by time here guy.

Hold on.

No.

Anyway, why don't you while I'm looking for this.

So we don't have any dead air.

This is what we call in the business dead air.

So we don't have any of that.

Why don't you go ahead and tell these fine folks where they

could hear our sweet voices if they don't want to see our

pretty well.

If you want to hear any more of this back and forth random

nonsense that makes you laugh a little bit.

You check us out at Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Apple music, Apple

podcast, I heart radio, Amazon music, all a halfway to middle

aged.

If you can't find us, you ain't looking.

I'd be the best you've ever done and that's what separates us

from everybody else because they can't fucking close it like

that.

I'm going to give you this on the way out.

I said to my wife the other day, I said, honey, can I please

come in here?

She said, no, because if you do, there's a chance I could go

deaf.

And I said, bullshit, I come in your mouth all the time and

you never shut the fuck up.

Now that is a joke, my friend.

And we are halfway to middle age.

This is 50.

We're going to 5,000 if I could live that fucking long.

And I don't think so.

You might not have to watch much longer.

Thank you for joining us.

It's been a pleasure, J-Bone.

Have fun.

Duce's.

Duce.