[No Laughter Version] What do farmers wear under their shirt when they're cold? (+ 18 more dad jokes!)

What do farmers wear under their shirt when they're cold?

A harvest.

I tried tasting orange peels.

It's absolutely pathetic.

What did the airplane repair frogs say to the inventory specialist?

Rivet, rivet.

As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way.

Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice.

Insomnia is awful, but on the bright side it's only six more sleeps until Christmas.

There was a time when I was younger that I could eat like a horse.

That was my heyday.

A man built a nationwide market selling living room footstools.

He passed it onto his son.

He called it his finest achievement, his Ottoman Empire.

Why do crickets chirp?

They have restless lake syndrome.

Some be 52's just went from dropping dishwasher liquid detergent on a ran to four in one pods.

It's truly his aerial warfare.

Not sure how I feel about amputees.

On one hand, they're an inspiration.

My ex-girlfriend and I share to love for TVs and stereos.

We'd often make an evening's outing of just hanging out at electronic stores.

Unfortunately, the relationship expired after our best by date.

Hanging there for more laughs and groans after this quick announcement.

Where do you find mangoes?

Wherever woman goes.

I went to a university class on Money Thiefed.

We weren't allowed to take any notes.

Why did the chicken choose the light brown entrance?

Because it was Tandori.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years,

the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

I was proud of my cultural heritage until I found out that my great-grandfather was from

Transylvania.

Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

I was at a diner when the waitress came with a pot of coffee and asked, can I warm you up?

I said yes and I'll have some coffee too.

If your son tends to be curbed with you, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

You should have given him a different name.

I'm Montgomery Jones.

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This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience.

I once ran into a woman who had her hands on her face.

So I called her a clock.