not everyone needs a podcast - ep. 1

0:00I'm nervous. Okay. I'm excited and nervous and both of those things kind of go hand in hand in my brain. So welcome to the very first episode of the modern girl podcast my name is Bryn Marie if you don't know me I have been doing influencing full time for four years now I started off online doing makeup and then I started doing transitions that's how I garnered the following that I have and hearing that you might be thinking okay why do you have a podcast I'm going to explain to you how I came to the conclusion of me wanting a podcast and also a little bit of what you can expect from this podcast going forward at the beginning of this year I ended the previous podcast that I had and right after that I don't think you could have paid me enough to ever be on

1:04a podcast again or have my own podcast but throughout the course of this year conversations with friends therapists managers everybody I decided that actually I think this is something that could be really good for me and not just for me I think this is something that hopefully could help a lot of girls if you did watch my previous podcast then you might know Emma Emma was the editor on my old podcast and I am very very happy to announce that Emma is my editor Emma's right here Emma's watching this hi Emma I love Emma so much her and I have gotten very close this year and she is one of the people who inspired me a lot to do this podcast through our conversations together and just wanting to work with her again too I think that I have a lot more to offer the world than just makeup and transitions and I think that the urge to be there for people in whatever way I can be

2:05outweighs my anxiety that I have of making a podcast and that's something that took a lot of thought but I feel that very strongly now I feel very confident about that the way I want to help people is mostly just by being authentically myself let me give you a little background really quick when I was growing up I was quite different than my peers I was bullied a lot I was bisexual in a conservative little small town I just felt very ostracized a lot and through that I had a number of teachers who made me feel seen made me feel understood made me see the value within myself and because of that and because both my parents are teachers growing up I wanted to be a teacher I never had any other career in my brain all I ever wanted to be was a teacher and not because I wanted to be in a middle school teaching math which is literally what I was going to do college for for a hot minute there I wanted to be that teacher to people I wanted to be that person that they feel like they could come to during lunch and cry to about what maybe they thought was unfair in their life and lend an ear literally act as like a therapist like I wanted to help people I wanted to help people like me

3:21and not even just people like me I just wanted to help everyone I always want to help everyone I it's I say it a lot okay and while I'm not necessarily a teacher now I do feel like I mean in a way I'm a teacher because I post makeup tutorials and other types of tutorials and I think that I maybe teach people a thing or two here and there but I still have this hole that needs to I do I remember when TikTok was going away okay last year when it went away for one singular day the biggest reason that that upset me wasn't because oh no I'm going to lose my job which yeah if that was terrifying but I had this overwhelming sense of oh my god I didn't do enough with my platform I didn't do what I wanted to do with my I haven't done what I want to do with my life and what I want to do with my life is share I want to share my life I want to share stories from other people I want a sense of community there's nothing more in this world than I have

4:26strived for then connection with other people in a sense of community I've always wanted that growing up it wasn't just the teachers that helped me it was also going online it was going to Tumblr it was going to Instagram it was going to YouTube and escaping my world a little bit and finding people who made me feel seen who I felt like I could relate to and I'm lucky enough to where I've had people now tell me that I'm that for them which I think is incredible I so proud of myself and I think even more so now that I've done a lot of work on myself over the course of this year and I'm continuing to do a lot of work on myself and the more sure of myself I feel and the more things I understand and the more lessons I learn I want to share them there's a lot of sharing going around okay I'm a shareer you know they taught me that when I was a toddler

5:28and I never really let it go once I decided that I wanted to do the podcast then it became reality right then I had to figure out okay how am I going to do this what does this actually look like and a big part of that was well first of all figuring out my editor Emma love you another big part of that was the name and early in June this year I was driving home after being out with friends it was about three I am and the song modern girl by bleachers came on my Spotify shuffle I'd never heard it before and I thought oh my god how perfect I am a modern girl nothing else felt right I didn't even really consider anything else and I think it's a very good representation of what this podcast is because a name needs to be that right you know you need to kind of figure out like okay what am I getting from this and no one else has it and it feels right for me a big theme this year for me

6:32has been rediscovering my femininity and what it is to be a modern woman I think that growing up because of the patriarchy and because of it's disgusting grip on society the worst thing that you could be in my brain while growing up was ending up being a crazy cat lady right or a single cat mom or whatever you want to say and that's what I am I'm 28 years old I have two cats and I'm single I mean that's literally the cover of this podcast is me and my two cats because I don't think that that's the worst thing you can be I actually think in a lot of ways depending on your perspective on it that's one of the best things that you can be it all depends on who you are as a person truly I also want to explain that I see myself as a modern girl but I very obviously very clearly understand that I am not the end all be all of what it is to be a modern girl and that's where I want to involve community I want to involve my friends my family I want to talk to

7:35other women and there takes on what it is like to be a modern woman and what their femininity means to them and what that is to them because I think it's something that's so special and it's so fun to discover yourself especially as a woman I mean it's fun for anyone to discover themselves don't get me wrong but I feel like there's something so precious about breaking down the ideas put in your head by men and by the patriarchy and understanding yourself I'm a cancer and I'm a cancer moon I feel things very very deeply and especially now within my sobriety which I'm doing a whole episode about first I'll be talking about my alcoholism then I'll be talking about my sobriety but I have this constant stream of consciousness and emotions and I overthink everything and I like to figure things out and I've learned all these lessons in my life and I want an outlet for that I think that this is a place where it can be my outlet and I can allow it to be an outlet for other people as well I know that a comment that I'm likely going to get

8:39upon announcing this podcast is that not everyone needs a podcast because I've heard it before and you know what you're right not everybody needs a podcast but I think that there are worse things in the world than a girl who wants to be authentically herself while connecting with other women and creating a safe space and you know what if that's not for you then that's okay if you don't feel as though something is for you then you do not need to give it any attention I'm struggling really hard right now I get very defensive in my brain I'm a defensive person in a lot of ways and I'm trying not to be I've been down this road before I've heard opinions from the internet a lot before it's hard for me to not let them really stick with me and for me to not defend myself but I want to always approach everything with kindness and I know that it's ridiculous of me to expect the same but I hope that you choose kindness today and whatever way that means for you whether

9:40you're angry at me like see I'm literally defending myself right now like I don't need to do this and that's not what the podcast is gonna be okay what is the podcast gonna be actually have I even fully discussed that I know that I've said I want it to be a sense of community I want it to be connection I want it to feel like a face time with a friend but what are the actual episodes going to look like I have recorded two other episodes thus far they are all supposed to today one is about healing from a breakup and one of them is about my alcoholism because as this is being posted I'm one year sober which thanks thanks guys thank you so much thank you thank you but I want to dive into topics that maybe are a little harder to talk about I want to talk about my sobriety I want to talk about sexuality I want to talk about drugs I want to talk about traumatic events I want to be an exposed nerve in a lot of ways and that's terrifying right but that's exactly what I always want it because if it makes someone else feel seen or understood then that is what I want that is my mission statement and I feel like I'm repeating myself but

10:44it's important to because it's important to me the first two episodes like I said are about my alcoholism and about healing from a relationship and moving forward from that I will do some more episodes kind of explaining who I am as a person maybe a bit of my values my background my story and then once I feel like I have that established a little bit I want to involve the community whether that's answering questions that you guys have for me or hearing stories from you directly I want to involve you and then I also want to involve my friends and my family I want to talk to the women in my life they're not going to be celebrity guest stars but they're going to be modern girls and I want to hear their take on everything and I can't wait for it I can't wait to be at this point I have so many ideas about all of the episodes moving forward it's I get jittery something that's a little scary about making a podcast especially a solo podcast is how the fuck do you talk for an hour a week and make it sound good and make people be interested right that's terrifying

11:45but ever since deciding to make this podcast I've been playing a little game in my head of like okay well what would I make a podcast about this week it's my life it's about topics going on in my life and not just my personal life about what's happening in society and in the world and I have opinions which I get scared to share that's another thing I am a Gemini Venus and Mars which for me means that I see things from a lot of different perspectives okay and I get a little anxious sometimes about having a harsh opinion on things but that's a good way to have a podcast is to talk about things from every single different angle and to really explore things and ideas and do you have something to say no okay sorry smoke says here my cat but that's exactly why I want a podcast right I want to explore everything and it's not just going to be me over sharing on the internet for every single episode I'm also going to do love island breakdowns right I'm going to do whatever is on my brain that week as a modern woman sorry a modern girl got to get it

12:52right okay a quick little expansion on me saying that I like to see things from a lot of different perspectives when I was in college my favorite course was philosophy and that's because every single week we would have one specific topic and we would sit in a circle and we would basically debate that topic and I loved it I was a huge stoner at the time so my mind felt like extra expanded but I loved doing that I loved exploring what seemed to be the most simple question and going at it from every single angle and really working it to death and I think that's I mean you know like I said I'm an overthinker okay but within that I have a lot to say can we talk about how clingy he is actually first I can't this is the clinging his cat that has ever existed and it's hot in here because of the lights and my apartment doesn't have AC and it's like over 80 degrees and I'm wearing long pants and I'm kind of dying a little bit I think that the best thing you can do is throughout this week or today if you whenever you have the time if you feel like it going and watching my second and third episode the healing from a breakup and my alcoholism and that will give you a

13:57very good glimpse into what this podcast is going to feel like it's only going to get better and the conversations are going to expand and I'm going to revisit things over and over and over again because that's the cool thing about growing and living your life is that your opinions change and that your ideas change and that you can look back on things in different ways but I think that going and watching those two is just going to give you a really good grip on what this is going to be like you'll see I'm a very big fan of disclaimers I am very anxious right now and it's coming from a place of excitement and I hope that through listening to this brief little introduction episode if anything has resonated with you if it didn't that's okay but if it did I'm so excited to have you here and I really hope that you stick around my sister and mom's face telling me do I answer hello hello and recording do you want to say hi hi team hi do you want to say hi yes oh she's looking like a

15:03little potato are those batteries what is that yeah I'm just letting her eat batteries right yeah okay love you bye I was face timing everyone while trying to start this episode because I feel like I just needed a face time with girls before I started but that's also exactly what this is here for my nerves will calm down I will be okay everything will be okay I am a very anxious person if I haven't gotten that across by now oh my god if I haven't gotten that across I am a very anxious person unless it's something that I feel very very confident in and I feel very confident in this I was very nervous recording the first couple of episodes including this one but upon watching the other two back I realized that there's nothing for me to be nervous about I'm doing exactly what I wanted to do with them and I'm gonna continue and I'm only gonna get better at it I hope you go watch the first two episodes I'm very proud of them and I'm very proud of myself

16:05and I can't wait to share more with you and to talk to you I feel like I'm gonna throw up so a fun thing that I want to do with this podcast is at the end of every episode I am going to say a song that either encompasses the encompasses big word for Elmo big word for Elmo either a song that is very relative to the episode of the week or just a song that I've really been enjoying or hyper fixated on for the week so at the end of every episode I will say what that song is and then you can go to a playlist on Spotify called Modern Girl and all the songs will be there and it will just grow and grow as this podcast continues to grow of course of course the song for this episode is none other than Modern Girl by Bleachers I hope you listen to it and I hope you understand why it made me so happy I feel like it's just a very

17:11happy song and it holds a very special place in my heart even though it's not like a very emotionally deep song by any means it's just I find comfort in certain things and that song is one of them I hope you listen I hope that you are excited to go on this journey with me and I hope that you give me a little bit of grace as I start this journey I love you so much I hope that you have an amazing week and I'll see you soon