Parenting Tips from “Shrinking” S3 E6, “Dereks Don’t Die”

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Welcome to the Parenting Roundabout podcast.

I'm Terry Moro, and I'm Catherine Helico.

As parents and parenting writers, we can't help but see everything through parenting lens.

But as our kids have become adults, we find ourselves more interested in getting caught up on movies and streaming than on going over the same parenting topics over and over.

So, since we're pretty sure we can find parenting wisdom anywhere, we're going to talk about what we're watching, what we thought about it, and maybe what we can learn from it, if only what not to do.

Watch and listen along, and let's all make like we're doing something important for our families.

Each Tuesday, we bring you our thoughts on a newer entertainment property, and for this week of March 9th, we're discussing shrinking season three, episode six, Derrick's don't die.

And indeed, they do not, but I want to make it clear that nobody is going to die, okay?

Maya, as much as had the toes of our sneakers off on top of the train track and was leaning forward when we got to the end of this episode.

No, stop it, even though she's a new character that we barely know.

I vote for her to be Sean's girlfriend instead of Marisol, no offense, Isabella Gomez.

I vote for keeping her around just for the side gag of her and Gabby walking around together, like Kristen Chenow with an Allison Janie in the West Wing.

Come on.

Yes.

I was on a, I had this reddit for him that I look at after shrinking to see what people are saying about it.

Whole bunches of people are saying are very worried about Maya, feeling like this is where they're going to go that they're going to kill her off or they're going to something bad is going to happen.

Not on this, if if if Jimmy and did not kill Grace's husband, right, Jimmy and cannot kill this sweet girl.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, Bill Lawrence, you know what show you're making.

Stop it.

Warm our hearts, dammit.

Yes, so that was that was worrisome.

Yes, right after you got that white in the melancholy music.

Right. We had just gotten like, okay, Derek's out of surgery.

He's fine. He's talking and it prompted Matthew to get his head out of his butt and come talk to his mother.

But then Derek, who has an at home EKG.

Yeah, and then immediately is told to go to the hospital immediately has surgery and is okay.

But yes, it's not immediately at least people, is that what they're trying to tell us?

Well, immediately, but not so immediately that the whole world couldn't once again gather at his bedside before.

They want to wake up, you know, it does a little while.

Well, no, they were all there before the surgery.

I mean, Brian, Jimmy, Gabby and Derek too.

We're all there in the hospital before the surgery.

This is not the way most people live their lives.

I'm just saying.

Yes, it was, it was, we need some artificial peril.

What will it be?

Yeah, I couldn't imagine that they would kill him off.

Yeah.

But it did, it did make for some very sweet and nice, vulnerable moments for Liz.

Yes.

We don't usually get to see that way.

So who does to Christa Miller?

She did a really good job of showing what Liz would look like.

Were this really the case, right?

And now she's allowing her mother-in-law into her home, which I think maybe

based on the picture for this next episode, is her mother-in-law Candice Bergen?

I feel like I might have read that somewhere.

I know Candice Bergen is in the show this season.

Yeah.

But it hasn't been clear what her role is.

Yeah, I bet the picture for the next episode sure looks like her.

Yeah.

Looking sort of scary.

So sweet, bringing it on.

Yes, that's the sort of trauma we will agree to.

Right.

And not, you know,

anything that we will be, are we going to get Candice Bergen,

Jeff Daniel's situation?

Oh, that would be fun because Alice invited a grandpa to her graduation,

right, much to Jimmy's.

But this is all about sometimes your parent surprises you.

Right. By being cool.

Right.

Like, Brian's dad was all excited about being a grandpa.

And like, Meg's dad did not immediately do a little jiggle of joy at the end of Dave, right?

Said something sort of nice about him.

After she left the room, he did the jig.

We know this.

She did say she didn't want him to get her to celebrating.

So yeah, I don't know.

I don't know that that whole situation was necessary.

Yeah, especially because it ended with her on the phone today being like,

I want to try counseling and us.

Okay.

So was it just to get Jimmy back in the game or

which was a, like we said, complicated way to do that?

Yeah, we have Lily Raib for a couple more episodes.

What are we going to do with her?

Let's see.

I don't know.

Yeah.

But I mean, I never felt like Dave.

I felt like Dave being awful was a Paul thing and not an actual fact.

Yeah.

It wasn't fine.

Yeah.

He always seemed fine.

Right.

So now we have to make him a bad guy, I guess.

Right.

I don't know.

Oh, well, it's fine.

Everything is fine.

And Matthew

did what he needed to do was a good son.

Right.

They're briefly for a few minutes.

Which after he

a failed attempt at therapy,

because Derek paid him to go, paid him

20 whole dollars to go.

And then Jimmy

not as a therapist, but as a neighbor and friend,

just basically went and slapped him around

verbally and said, like, yes, get a grip here.

You need to.

This is not the time to be pet, you know.

Apply the sort of tough love to him that Liz applied to Jimmy back in the day.

So passing it on.

I did like the, you know, the continued.

Jimmy is like, when are you going to stop making me feel bad?

Making me feel guilty for taking care of Alice for a year.

And then Alice just chimes red and she took me to the orthodontist.

Yeah, he's still got to pay a little bit.

But I think maybe he paid off the debt

in like being the only person who was concerned about her.

Yeah.

And asking how she was doing and then getting her son to show up.

So I think he's, he's stepped in appropriately.

Yeah.

But he still will never ever live down, you know, the, you know, the last year.

Yeah, I mean, as we've said many times before, thank goodness for Liz.

Yes, because Alice really needed that.

Right.

And he was really a mess.

So we have a whole side plot with Sean being approached by a restaurant guy to come

and have an interview and maybe be a sous chef.

And he's so wonderful.

And now is Sean going to be able to take this opportunity or is he going to

sabotage him again?

And Paul thinks he, Paul is not worried about him doing that.

And Paul thinks he's ready.

You know, can we let this man enjoy his truck for a while?

Things are good.

Why do you keep pushing him to change?

It's not like he's 42, you know, he's got some time.

Right.

But I'm just have a good, I don't know.

Good luck to you, sir.

Right.

I hope that all goes okay.

But you're not going to be able to ditch out of that job

to go to a raid with your girlfriends.

That is true.

Yeah, I don't think restaurant work is conducive to

relation trips as far as I have heard.

Yeah.

So it looked like, did it look like Derek too?

Had a ring that he was contemplating?

Was he Gabby?

Yes.

But that he quickly put in his pocket when Gabby walked in.

But also not the time.

Yeah, not the time.

Let's get to the hospital where our dear friend is possibly going to die.

But first, let me get down on one knee.

Let me show you with this.

I think that would be somewhat emotionally manipulative and not cool.

But he risks something happening that will make it impossible to do.

Get it in there, man, while you can.

Derek's okay now.

Yeah, jump on it.

Got five or ten minutes for the next crisis.

Once she finds out that she's screwed up with her patient.

Your patient.

You're never even going to get her in.

Yeah.

Oh, well, good luck to him.

Was it that this could possibly be a parenting wisdom to

or a fathering wisdom possibly that life is short,

difficult women make it better.

I think that they should.

Those should be like said at Gabby and Derek's wedding.

Yes.

I can be part of his vows as holy cow, man.

You're taking on.

Yep.

Good for you.

And her mother is kind of a handful too, but it'll be fine.

Really, don't flee.

Her mother who seems to have now

gone back to her own home.

Yeah.

Like she still has that snippy home healthy.

Or was that her sister?

Was that the sister?

I think it was the sister.

I hope it was the sister.

Yeah.

Sisters got more right to be snippy, but yeah.

But yeah, the mom,

you know, she was meeting with her not in her in her home.

So I guess she's somewhere else.

Yeah.

There was a lot of talk in this, and in fact,

it's like one of the themes of this show of finding your people.

Yes.

And that's a thing, I mean, that's a thing that TV makes us feel

will happen for all of us, but it can be very difficult.

And it's something that when you're a parent,

helping your children find their people,

and then being at peace with who their people are.

Yes.

I hate that kid.

I hate that kid.

My kid loves them.

I guess he could come over.

Right.

But, you know, that is, I know with my daughter,

she had it when she was like an elementary school.

She had a lot of really good friends,

and up until like middle school.

But then one of her friends moved.

Not that far, but far enough that he wasn't in the neighborhood,

and so it kind of disrupted the thing.

Right.

And he was like the linchpin,

that the other people were kind of his friends,

and then became her friends,

and it just all fell apart.

Yeah.

And then she went through a long,

dry desert period of friends.

So I always think of her not having friends.

But she did.

She had her people for a while.

Mm-hmm.

And then, you know, my son was going to this special

need social group and really liking it.

Those were his people.

Yeah.

And I just felt like, but she said she's not.

She's, you know, that's not for her.

She's, she's not, you know, doesn't need that.

Right.

And then finally, I let her go and she loves it,

and she feels like they're her people,

and she has a boyfriend,

and she has all this stuff.

So it's like, sometimes you have to get over yourself,

and just say, you know, where can they find their people?

Even if it's not where I would like them to find it,

or where I wish they could have found it over here.

Right.

You know, you have to step back.

As we all have in the past, too.

I mean, I think most people have had,

have found people that their parents would have said,

really?

That was, those people?

You sure?

You sure?

Yes, for sure.

My mother would be like,

are you sure your people are in New Jersey?

Where are there's people out here?

Did you have people here?

We have people in California.

I found my people in Clifton, New Jersey, mom.

They were here all along.

Yes.

So that's rough,

but something you certainly do wish for your job.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And it's a real hard thing to manage, you know,

whether you're...

You can't make someone...

You know, you can't make someone else become your child's friend.

And we've all tried that, haven't we?

Yeah.

And it's like you have a mom that you like,

and let's get the kids together,

and the kids are just like...

Yeah, not for me.

Not our bag.

Yeah.

There was also a lot of talk in this episode

about needing something bad to happen

to make you do the thing you should have done all along.

Yeah.

Which yikes.

Yeah.

I don't think...

I don't think any parent wants to admit that, but yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

Why is that?

Why couldn't we have just done it in the first place?

Totally.

Well, and it's like with everything, you know.

Okay, we're going to sell our house.

So we're going to fix all these things that are wrong with it.

Like, well, we could have done that

and then actually enjoyed it for a long time.

I think that happens a lot.

Yeah.

So yeah, these little

incentives or motivators or whatever it is.

You don't...

It's very hard to make yourself do.

Do those things.

Yes.

Unless you have this

terrible.

Terrible, uh, you know.

All right.

Prompt.

That's awful.

Why can't we just live in the moment and

right?

Take a joy in everything.

But, you know, you don't do your taxes to April 13th.

And it's the way it works.

It goes.

Not me, of course.

Right.

Mine are.

Well underway.

Yeah.

I've opened the envelope of the planner from my DAGS account

and set it atop my desk.

There you go.

I mean, completely in control and my baby steps.

Gotta start somewhere.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do, you do.

There was the theme that parenting wise

that sometimes your parents surprise you.

Yes.

And, uh, you know,

I guess that's, I guess that's true.

Sometimes we do it deliberately.

But sometimes it's like

you're just doing what you'd be doing.

And, right.

Your kid goes, oh, I wouldn't think you would say that.

And it's like, why not?

Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought you did.

There was also Liz saying, you know, asking Jimmy for help with Matthew

and saying, I miss my kid.

Yeah.

It's really the feeling of that when you're having a disagreement

with your child or something has come between you.

Right.

And you're not allowed to really just say that

because that's making it all about you.

Right.

You know, I've had situations in my life

where my mom wasn't giving me the support I needed.

And I know now that I'm a mom

that she really just missed me

and she wanted me to just be home.

Right.

But she, you know,

she couldn't say that.

And so it was just what you're doing is wrong.

You should stop doing it.

But, you know,

I don't know if it would have made any difference.

If she just said, I miss you.

Right.

But it would have been no less ineffectual than any right.

Yeah.

So that's a good lesson maybe as to let your kid know.

If that is what the crux of the problem is,

you could just say it.

Yeah.

Instead of the manipulation.

And boy, would that surprise them?

Yes.

It's certain.

Wait, what?

Well, do we have anything else to say about this?

I'm finding that I'm never quite sure.

I wasn't quite sure at the beginning of this episode

whether that was the birth mother or the other nanny.

Yes.

At Brian's house.

I had the same problem.

They look kind of alike.

Once she started talking about her religious parents,

it's like, oh, yes, the birth mother.

Right.

She could put a sign on her forehead saying,

oh, my gosh, don't ask me about my religious parents.

And then we always know.

Yes, I had the same issue and the same.

I feel so much better about that.

The same result, you know, like,

okay, once she talked about the,

the parents only, okay, got it.

Got it.

I think we just haven't seen the other nanny enough maybe.

But maybe then we would recognize.

I don't know.

Yeah, it's probably bad.

I must admit that.

Anyway, next week,

we will continue with season three episode seven of shrinking.

I will be great.

Yes.

I don't know what that means.

Yeah, we will find out.

I imagine possibly from Kanta Spurgen

if the picture can be interpreted correctly.

Right.

And we will be back tomorrow to discuss last.

Thank you for listening.

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