PARTNER of half a year BECAME very angry when I didn't INCLUDE him

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I hope you enjoy this story.

Partner of half a year became very angry when I didn't include him in the guest list

for my closest pal's marriage ceremony.

Accused me of being unfaithful, attempted to seize me, and had his acquaintance insult me.

I, 25F, have been seeing my now boyfriend, 27M, who will call Joe, for about six months now.

We made it official three months into dating so I like to say he's only officially been my

boyfriend for three months. My best friend, who will call N, is getting married next month.

I'm one of her bridesmaids.

It's a small destination wedding, only about 40 close friends the bridal party is set to arrive

about four days before the actual wedding to do bachelor slash bachelor at stuff.

The issue came up yesterday morning when my boyfriend started asking what time my flight was for

the wedding week. I didn't think much of it and told him. He came back about 10 minutes later and

said he'd have to go on a different flight because he couldn't find one on the same airline

or at the same time. I didn't understand why he was looking at flights.

I asked him if he was planning on going on a solo or guys trip while I was gone since I wouldn't

be around. He looked confused and then said he was looking for flights for the wedding.

I then proceeded to tell him, trying to be as gentle as possible, that I wasn't planning on a plus

one and the guest list was already finalized. He has only ever met and over facetimes since she

lives in a different state from us. After telling him, he exploded at me. Honestly it was a total

180 from his usual behavior. He said it was insensitive of me to not ask for a plus one because we

been together for so long now. That I was purposefully excluding him and trying to keep him a secret.

He ranted and talked in a circle and I just sat there in shock. What snapped me out of the days

was when he insinuated that I would likely cheat with one of the groom's men. That's when I got

up, got my shit, and started walking out of his place. He freaked out even more and said we needed

to talk about this and I couldn't walk out on him. He tried to grab me twice but I shoved him off.

Since I last night, I haven't spoken to him. He's been blowing up my phone with calls and texts

that I don't reply to. Even put him on do not disturb because it was so annoying. I was pretty

solid in believing I wasn't TA but one of his best friends got my number and texted me I was being

petty and a female dog about everything. That I lead Jo on for six months. I haven't talked to

anyone about this since I wanted to cool down before I got a second opinion. But now that his friend

is texting men, I feel like I handled it all poorly. I know I need space right now but I don't

want to ghost Jo, which his friend implied I'm now doing. So I've come here to get some unbiased

opinions. Fellow redditors, I asked you now if I am TA for not having my boyfriend be a plus one

to my best friend's wedding. Edit, to clarify, we don't live together. I just spend the night at his

place sometimes. Edit two, in our last conversation last night I texted him that I needed some space

to breathe to which he then just kept calling and texting. Edit three, because people keep acting

like Jo is a secret, he has met my other friends. He hasn't met an in person because she lives in

a different state. Across the country to be exact. They've only met through FaceTime. I've met

his parents and friends. He hasn't met mine because they moved back to Mexico two years ago.

He has met them over FaceTime. Edit four, his friends saying leave him on was leading him to believe

he was invited comments. Oop to multiple comments on why she is not having her boyfriend as her

plus one to the wedding. Oop, I accepted the wedding invite long before we met. This wedding invite

didn't just recently happen. Plus main reason for why I never asked for a plus one is because Jo and I

had only just started seeing each other when the wedding was being planned. A lot went into it because

it's a destination wedding in Europe plus I'm not meaning to dismiss it. I'm pointing out that's

why I'm not having a plus one unlike the other groomsmen and bridesmaids. They have been with

their partners for years and personally know in. Jo has only ever met her over FaceTime plus

also there's a lot more than just buying a ticket. I said earlier that this wedding was planned

months before we met and planned a lot of things for this wedding that are catered to the fact there's

a limited guest list. Again, I would have been fine to explain all this but again. I never got a

chance to plus this wedding wasn't a secret. He was even aware of it when we first started seeing

each other because I just undressed shopping. Again, this wedding was very planned out because it is

indeed very small and private in France. He's also met Anne and her fiance over FaceTime.

Not in person because she's in a different state. He's met my other friends as well. He hasn't met

my parents because they live in a different country. Chibi underscore beaver. NTA. I don't think

three months is a long enough time frame to include someone as a plus one to a wedding, especially

one with such a small guest list. Are you really buying a car online on auto trader right now?

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Mom needs a second, honey. You can really have it delivered? Really? Or I can pick it up with

the dealership. One sec, sweetie. Mommy's buying a car. I think the kid is walking up the slide.

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If it was a wedding close by that's different, but destination weddings objectively take more

planning and throwing an last minute guest might irritate the bride and groom.

His reaction is definitely a massive red flag, although I do think you should have discussed

this with him beforehand and explained the reasoning. Country boy 1101.

From what you wrote above I would say NTA. Since it has only been six months of dating,

I expect that you were just started dating when the wedding invites came out and the RSVP

was made that you were a party of one. If his name was not on the original wedding invite and

you did not ask for him to be added, then he is not invited to the wedding. I would say his

reaction would be a huge red flag for me and am accusing you of using this away time to cheat

would be a deal breaker for me after only six months. I would call him and tell him that his

reaction was a deal breaker and it would be best to end the relationship now and move on.

Update, the general consensus was that I wasn't T.A.

Unfortunately the original post got taken down on the main IDA sub but is still up on the other.

Still posting the update on both though. Some of y'all had some stuff to say about me saying I

need help communicating because I shouldn't have walked out. Have your opinions but never let

someone scream at you and just sit there and take it. I'm realizing that's emotional abuse.

About why I never pushed to have a plus one. When the wedding planning was starting,

Joe and I had not met. By the time we met and made things official, the wedding planning was

finalized. I never hid the wedding from Joe or the fact it was very small. Someone said most

normal people plan on bringing their so to a wedding. Maybe that's true. But never automatically

assume that since your so is invited to something, you'll be going too. The wedding was heavily

pre-planned because again, it's a destination wedding. And is originally from France and primary

reason why it's a destination wedding. I talked to and about this shortly after posting and she

agreed that I'm not T.A. She said if the roles were reversed, she'd never expect her so of less than

a year be invited to an important event. So, on Friday, I texted Joe asking to meet up Saturday

morning to have a discussion about everything. This morning he tried to get us to meet at my place,

but instead, I got him to agree to meet at a local cafe. A lot of you brought up how he tried

to grab me and that's a big sign that he could get more physical in the future. I didn't want

anything to be left to chance. He got there early and tried to hug me, which I didn't allow.

I got the ick at the thought of him hugging me. We did a bit of small talk but got pretty much to

the point once we sat down. He did apologize for blowing up, but in the same breath said I

shouldn't have left. I countered that he shouldn't have tried to physically stop me from leaving,

twice. He said what else was he supposed to do? That set the tone for the whole conversation.

He went on to say me just walking away was a clear indication that I didn't respect him.

I then pointed out that he was not letting me explain why he wasn't invited.

This is when we started talking in circles. I told him how the wedding was being planned long

before we met. How by the time we mutually agreed to be exclusive, they had everything finalized,

especially the guest list. He said I should have asked for and to change it anyway.

I asked him if I ever gave him the impression he'd be attending. He was silent for a while and

then admitted he just assumed that since he was now my boyfriend, I would have told and to invite me.

I told him then wouldn't I have said something if he was invited in the past three months?

I realized that we weren't getting anywhere. I told him I wanted to break up. To paraphrase,

I said something along the lines of. I understand you were hurt that I didn't invite you.

I am sorry that we didn't have a clearer conversation. I do wish that we could have had a

calmer conversation. However, I don't feel safe in this relationship because of how you reacted.

I don't think this relationship is good for either of us if you feel betrayed and I feel unsafe.

He didn't take that well. Joe's response was if we broke up, I wasn't getting my stuff back.

I told him I didn't care. Because honestly, if he wants to keep some of my underwear and use

toothbrush, okay. I then asked him to not have his friends text me too. He then went from pleading to

have another chance to accusing me of never wanting him. I just stood up, told him I wished him the

best and left, ended up going for a two-hour run when I got home because I still felt stressed.

Blocked his number, his friends, blocked his Instagram, deleted the pictures of us on my feed.

Change my Facebook status to single. Had a cry and had been watching Netflix since.

Something I learned from this your first fight with your partner tells you everything about them.

Our first fight told me Joe was explosive. Maybe if he hadn't blown up, we would still be together.

Not gonna dwell on it though. I know it's good I got out while you can because there's a lot of

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mile after mile. So drive one home today, visit Toyota.com or stop by your local Toyota dealer to

find out more Toyota. Let's go places. I'm honestly glad I broke it off. As some of you said,

it took him six months to show his true colors. Can't imagine if he did come in then a year later.

I find out he's like this and have to look at wedding photos with a guy who is fine blowing up.

I'm going to stay single for a while now. I have a wedding to look forward to.

My focus is on supporting Anne and making sure she has the best wedding ever.

I may update when the wedding happens to let you guys know how it goes and if Joe tried anything

else. Thank you again to everyone for their opinions. Comments, patch and don't forget to always

see who is at your door before you open it. Keep yourself safe. Good for you darling.

Have a wonderful time at the wedding. Congrats to Anne. Hope they have a long marriage with no crazy.

I'm dying RN123 up. Thank you I do have a dog in a roommate so that's some extra security already.

The roommate and I talked before about getting a ring camera but this experience and other

comments have solidified us getting one. Beneficial knows 5447. I have to say I'm proud of you.

And this is why I say this is what dating is for. This is the interview process and so as you

was going along with it you see me wasn't the candidate for you and you cut him loose.

Good for you. All the other people are going to say you know the naysayers listen they just want

somebody by their side to say they love them because they have no self-love or self-esteem for

their internal selves. That's all their opinions and stuff lack of love and lack of self-esteem.

Have fun at the wedding have a hookup if you want but have fun.

Adventurous underscore chip 9036. NTA. Normal people don't blow up on their significant other

because of an assumption. Icing on the cake was him accusing you of playing him the whole time

because you told him you felt unsafe. I'd how to explain it but all I know is all signs point to

him being a narcissistic manipulator. I get people losing their temper and I can be pretty

forgiving but one trying to grab someone no and two doubling down. That's when someone shows

who they really are. We all have bad moments. It's how we react after those bad moments that makes

us who we really are. This guy is a giant walking red flag. Ninja Baba Mama and having his friends

harass her through texts. Sun Moon Truth calling her a female dog. She seems to have stumbled upon

a nest of inkels. Waffles 0206. I had a destination wedding. My save the dates were sent out about 18

months in advance, invites a year in advance, and my guest list was fully finalized at least six

months out as everyone who was attending had booked their flights. Two of my bridesmaids got into

new relationships around a few months out from my wedding. They never asked me for a plus one and

their partners never took issue with it. In fact, those two bridesmaids ended traveling for several

weeks together after the wedding. Sorry but destination weddings take time to plan. People can't just

decide to attend last minute. Oop totally did the right thing. He was a walking red flag with his

reaction. Additional meeting underscore two. There is a reason why only married couples always have

to be invited and engaged couples if they have been for a while. It's really hard to keep up with

other people's relationships and people often break up or start dating between sending invites

and the wedding. I mean these days it's more blurred because people live together before marriage

long times. And some just have money and can give plus ones to everyone. But not everyone needs

a invite because they are dating. Now onto the next story. Story 2. Hired a private investigator and

caught my fiance cheating with her boss weeks before our over budget dream wedding. So I got her

fired and dodged a financial bullet. When I, 27 male, met my fiance, 25 female, for years ago,

I knew right away that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She was everything that I

had been looking for. We'd only been dating for a year when I proposed. We've been engaged for

three years. The long engagement has caused some trouble for us. One of the biggest issues is that

she wanted to plan her dream wedding, which subsequently would cost us quite a bit of money.

I've never been one to care about superficial things like that. I would be more than happy

going to the courthouse, signing some papers, then spending all of the wedding money on our honeymoon.

However, she had always dreamt of her big day and she wanted a big wedding with no compromise.

It felt like every other week the budget we set aside for the wedding had increased or she was

telling me that she had gone over and was apologizing for it. At some point, I noticed that her

apologies were meaningless because she continued to go over. We were getting into a lot of arguments

and there was a bit of resentment brewing between us. I'd had enough of her constant disregard for

the financial constraints of the wedding, so I sat her down intending to have a calm, reasonable

conversation with her. She was immediately very defensive and told me that she wasn't sure if she

could be with someone who was controlling. I was upset that she had accused me of being

controlling when all I was doing was standing up for myself when she was taking advantage of me.

After the fight, she ended up leaving and staying at her friend's house for a week while we

figured things out. Honestly, I thought it might have been the end for us. I was heartbroken.

She was my dream girl and I cared so much about her. She eventually came back and we had a long

discussion about the wedding. We both agreed that we still wanted to be together, but we needed to

set some boundaries. We also agreed that we would move forward with what we had for the wedding and

halt all further planning. That was the only compromise on the issue I would allow since we were

already over budget by 50% and had 150 people invited. We fell back into our old patterns with

each other and it seemed like our temporary break in discussion actually helped our relationship.

The wedding was only a few months away and we were doing well. As we got closer to the wedding

date, some of the stressors started to come back for us. My fiance's coping mechanism with the

stress was to throw herself into her work. She's a graphic designer and very creatively inclined,

so it helped alleviate the stress. So, instead of being home with me, she was at work.

She started spending more and more time at work. It felt avoidant, which was unlike her.

I was curious about why she was there so much, so I asked her one night when she came home.

She just told me that it was a good way to escape and forget about all of it.

I didn't understand why she still wanted to go through with the huge wedding if it was stressing

her out so much, but I didn't ask about that. Around the same time, I noticed that she was

wearing more makeup and more revealing clothes to work. I had nothing against her dressing in a way

that she felt confident, but she normally wore long pants, boots, and sweaters to work because she

was always complaining about how cold she was while she was there. Suddenly she was wearing sleeveless

blouses showing cleavage and skirts. It was odd. I tried not to worry about it, but honestly,

I've seen a ton of those in my The Jerk videos and stories exposing cheaters.

So a lot of the things she was doing were raising red flags for me.

I needed to find out if something was going on before the wedding.

I didn't want to be married to her and then find out she was with an ex or something after

we were legally attached. I did some snooping on my own, but didn't find anything.

One thing I've always known about liars is that they're good at hiding their lies.

So, I justified hiring a private investigator to follow her.

I reached out to someone who specializes in infidelity and they agreed to take the case.

I could only afford to pay them for a few days because the wedding was depleting a lot of my savings.

The first day, they didn't find anything. She went to work and went home with no issue.

I thought that maybe I was overreacting, but my gut told me not to call the private investigator off.

The next day, I was glad I trusted my gut. My fiance texted me about midway

through the day that she would be staying late at the office. She said that she was helping a

coworker with some excess work they had before a due date. However, the evidence the private investigator

brought back to me told a different story. They emailed me over a file with videos and pictures

of my girlfriend with her boss in his office. They were having sex right on his desk, while other

employees were in the office. I just remember staring at the computer screen until it turned itself off.

I was so shocked by what I saw. When I collected myself, I started to think about my options.

There was absolutely no chance I was going through with the wedding,

but I needed to figure out how to end it. I wanted a little revenge on her for cheating on me.

An idea hit me, so before I acted on it I packed up some of my stuff and texted my brother

to see if I could stay with him. When I got to his house, I drafted an email to our entire wedding

guest list. In the email, I told them all it was cancelled and attached the evidence of my

fiancé's affair. Surprisingly, I got several responses back from relatives, co-workers,

and friends about it. What surprised me the most, which I didn't even realize at the time,

was that my fiancé's hour manager was on the list. She reached out to me and asked about details

because it was something she was obligated to act on because it was clearly on company property.

I told her everything I knew. My fiancé figured out I was with my brother and came to his

house, banging on the door. She was fuming at me, but I stood my ground and ended it.

I told her I was contacting the venue, vendors, and everyone else involved in the wedding and

having all of my money refunded to me. I felt bad when she was crying in front of me,

but then I remembered how she cheated on me and I didn't anymore. She and her boss were both

fired for their inappropriate relations on the job. She tried to call me and tell me that I was

still obligated to pay for the apartment even though I didn't live there, but I managed to work

something out with the apartment complex to pay for one month and get off the lease.

I think they were just willing to work with me because of the situation.

My now ex fiancé was forced to move out because she lost her job and couldn't afford rent

on her own because she dumped what little she had in savings into a wedding that never happened.