Person, Woman, Man, Camera, Pig

Last week I wrote about what it’s like growing up and existing as a girl and a woman in this world. The response from so many women who relate was overwhelming, enraging, heartbreaking, and also incredible.

The “Quiet, Piggy” moment touched a deep nerve in many women across all kinds of borders, because so many of us felt it in our bones. So many of us know exactly what it’s like when a man attacks you, verbally or otherwise, because you are not behaving the way he wants you to behave. Because you have the gall to question him, to speak up for yourself or someone else, to assert your right to exist as a full human being. Because you aren’t being polite, you aren’t “staying in line” or being nice.

More power to you.

There is a certain kind of man who does not like women, does not respect them, does not consider them to be equal. There is a certain kind of man who thinks little girls are easy targets. I wrote from the perspective I know, but it’s children who are not safe around men like this, not just little girls.

They are not the kind of men we want in positions of power. It’s tough when men like these are our dads, our teachers, our bosses at work, a guy we pass on a hiking trail, in a stairwell, or a desolate parking lot at night. It is hard to get across what it’s like to be doing this kind of math in your head all the time, because you can’t know by looking at a man which kind of man he is. To be assessing whether you’re safe, what you need to do to keep yourself safe, whether your daughter is safe. The fury I feel when I think about that last part is impossible to describe. I’m surprised I don’t open my mouth and breathe fire.

It’s devastating that so many people support men who are abusive, misogynistic and in many cases, predatory. It will never make sense to me that millions of people did not find it disqualifying when the man who sits in the Oval Office said he “grabs women by the pussy.” He said it. Out loud. If you voted for him, you were okay with that. You excused it as “locker room talk” but it isn’t talk — it’s a way of thinking about women. Good men don’t say things like that.

As ever, the comments section under the essay this week is incredible. If you have any doubt whether women everywhere relate and have stories of their own, please go take a look. There are also so many thoughtful, heartening comments made by men. The only way things will get better is if we make them get better, together. Not just for our daughters, but for our sons, too. This isn’t good for any of us.

Thank you for being here, I appreciate you so much. If you’re new here, welcome. I record the podcast episodes after I read the first round of comments, so these podcast episodes are very much co-creations.

Last thing, Rufus my rescue dog was in the room with me. Turned out he was in the mood to play, not podcast, even though we’d already played and had a very long walk. You’ll hear him once or twice, some things can’t be helped. He’s the best, and so are you. Sending you love.

Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe