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About this Episode
Don't have time to listen to the entire Dave & Chuck the Freak podcast? Check out some of the tastiest bits of the day, including things people only pretend to enjoy, when you realized that your grandparents were still horny, helping a listener talk his buddy out of meeting up with a Peruvian girl t hat he met online and more!
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Hosts & Guests
Transcript
The tournament is back, the upsets are inevitable, and underdog is the best place to get in on all the action.
Playing on underdog is easy.
Just pick whether your favorite players will go higher or lower on stats like points, rebounds, steals, and more.
Get your picks right, and you can win up to 5,000 times your cash.
I love playing on underdog, and this week I'm looking at the Duke for St. John's matchup in the Sweet 16.
I'm taking Cameron Booser for higher than 22 and a half points, and Dylan Darling for higher than 6 and a half points.
Download the app today and use promo code Dave and Chuck to score $50 in bonus entries when you play your first $5.
That's promo code Dave and Chuck.
Underdog, make picks, win money.
8 hope and why or text hope and why 467369.
Yeah, yeah, yo, it's my favorite day of the week.
My radio's kicking Dave but Chuck, the three.
It's a date celebrated all across the nation.
Bitches be trippin', wha's up with the A-T.
Dave, with the news, two strikes of the day.
Ripcord in a hot bitch, bitch, so play.
It's Friday bitches.
It's Friday bitches.
It's Friday.
What?
It's Friday.
What?
Yeah, yeah, come on.
It's Friday bitches.
It's Friday bitches.
It's Friday.
It's Friday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is Dave and Chuck the Freak's tasty Bits podcast.
People online are debating the things.
Everyone just pretends to enjoy.
Here are some of the best responses uh linked in.
Like you're the only one I know with the LinkedIn.
Isn't enjoyment from it though?
Or is it just an necessity for for jobs?
It's not even a necessity for me.
No, not for you.
I'm not I'm talking about the survey.
What why are people saying?
That it's fun.
That it's fun.
Yeah, I don't know.
But they pretend it's fun.
It's not fun.
It's just a job.
If somebody was like, yeah, I'm like looking at LinkedIn.
I'd be like, what's wrong with you?
Is everything all right?
It's can't be that fun.
I don't.
Resimates.
It's a purpose to it.
Yeah, it's a resume.
That's it.
Even talk anything I do to talk about it is fake.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like an I assume that was everybody.
High heels.
No, I love them.
Well, we love to look at them.
They're great.
But the women actually love to wear them.
Depends.
I mean, yeah, we like the way our outfits look.
I was going to say like looking good.
Enjoyment.
Yeah, that's what was incredible.
So my youngest had his prom before they go off to the prom.
For some reason where we live,
everyone goes to this one park to take pictures.
Oh, yes.
They have the same everywhere.
Hundreds of kids there, right?
Yeah.
Seeing these young girls,
many of which obviously had never worn high heels before in their lives.
They were like baby horses everywhere.
They were all like, really?
I'm going to move it all over the place.
They couldn't stand up right.
I mean, some of them were big ass heels.
Stella's been in heels since she was 11 years old.
Oh, yeah.
She's a pro.
She's a pro.
Family Christmas and Thanksgiving gatherings,
things people are convinced others only pretend to enjoy.
Yeah, I mean, it's actually like mine.
Oh, I don't, I don't.
I mean, that's fine, but it's just, you know,
it's fine, edible arrangements.
I don't know anyone who really likes those.
So I'm saying, yeah, but you have to be like,
oh my god, thank you so much.
Yeah.
In fact, I would only buy that to upset date.
Because you can never eat it in time.
And it's not really that.
No, no, no.
I mean, I mean, maybe I could find a really good one.
It was all sugar cookies or something.
And you would be like, you know what?
That's all nice.
I'm just thinking of the fruit ones.
Oh, yeah.
No, wait, it's just fruit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And see, look from where?
I know.
How long has that pineapple been cut?
Listen, don't dig too deep into it.
No, cold plunges in ice.
Well, you see that all over social media.
It's the new like big health trend.
Yeah.
Do people actually enjoy it?
They say they claim to, you can't enjoy it at the time.
But I mean, maybe there is some, you feel better after.
People do say they love it.
I don't get it.
That's the type of people that are like love exercise.
That's the thing.
I mean, I guess I'd have to be lifting
hundreds of pounds of weights to get to the mental state
where plunging into ice would
make me feel better.
I don't know.
Speaking of exercise, running is also on this list.
No, a lot of this.
I don't know that I do believe some people love it.
I do too.
I believe that.
Some people do like love it.
But I think there are people that pretend to.
I know when I tried to start running,
I was trying to convince myself I liked it.
Yeah, that's a lot of that.
Yeah, that's a lot of hard to do, man.
No, you bought the clothes.
You were like, I gotta do it.
Yeah, I love it.
And I did a lot of running.
It was like weird.
It wasn't even like, I never liked it,
but it would pastime in a way that was different
if you're just sitting there.
Yeah, that's about the best I could do with it.
It was never enjoyable, but I was like,
okay, I kind of got something to do other than say.
One day, I was like, I hate this now.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah, really hate it.
Yeah, it hurts.
I don't like it at all.
We're talking about things people are convinced.
Others only pretend to enjoy.
Small talk is on the list too.
Does anyone really like something?
I don't think anyone really likes it, you know?
I can really, maybe at real extroverts, like it.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Like super lonely people maybe.
Yeah, voluntarily waking up at 5 a.m.
I mean, I do like waking up early.
If I didn't have to get up this early,
obviously, I wouldn't.
Yeah, but I think I'd still get up.
Don't you think, yeah, you'd still get up.
I think it's fairly early.
I'd be a crack-a-don guy.
How would that quiet early morning time?
Yeah, I'm just coffee and nothing going on.
Like, if I didn't have to get up,
like, I would never be a crack-a-don guy.
I'd be a stay-up all night guy.
Yeah, I'd sleep till about 11 a.m.
Yeah, me too.
Agenda reveal parties.
Oh, the worst thing.
Does anyone actually pretend even to enjoy it?
I think it always looks like out.
People that care like the grandparents.
Yeah.
And then if the family doesn't really even know,
like, if you've managed to keep it a secret,
some of the more controversial things came up, like, IPAs.
Can't be real bad.
Yeah, those can be horrible.
Yeah, kombucha.
My wife loves that stuff, and I don't know how she drinks.
She doesn't pretend she actually loves that.
No, she loves it.
Like, and she'll always bring it on a drive.
We're going somewhere and crack it.
I'm like, God, it's like vinegar in the car.
It's so good.
Amber has it sometimes too, and she loves it.
She drinks it almost every day.
Coffee?
Shut your damn mouth.
Yeah, I think that this is.
I don't like coffee.
Who's faking that?
Yeah, who's faking that they like coffee?
Well, kind of addiction.
Maybe when I first started.
Oh, no, it doesn't taste good.
Oh, no, it tastes incredible.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I put my hand on a Bible right now.
It tastes incredible.
I'll eat your communion.
I'll do it.
It tastes incredible.
Yeah.
I'll wash your feet.
It doesn't.
No, it's like beer.
Yeah, you get used to the flavor.
You get used to the flavor.
And then it becomes like something you're like,
oh, you do, you get a palate for it or something.
So you first start drinking it.
You don't, I don't know why, but I'm enjoying it.
Yeah, I don't like the taste.
But I now love the taste.
Yes, I know you do, but what I'm saying is,
it's an acquired taste.
It's an acquired taste.
Like, when I first tried chocolate milk, I loved it.
I loved it.
I loved it.
I mean, the second it touched my tongue, I was like,
this is for me.
Coffee's not like that.
I wish it was.
I wish it was because, you know, you have to really commit to it,
to, and to then become like, you guys are where it's like,
I can't start a day without this.
I do a lawyer or two, but man, I'd also love the taste.
How long did it take for you to acquire a taste?
I don't even know, because I mean, it always starts off.
I feel like even Dave and Lisa probably,
like, when you first start drinking it,
there's so much cream in it.
Like, you have to like, kind of start off with a light coffee.
Yeah.
I drink mine black without any sweetener in it now,
and I just, I just like the flavor of coffee.
I like it as dark as you can get it.
Yeah, you've always said that.
It's bold of flavor as I can find.
Like, my uncle used to be like that.
I thought it was disgusting at the time.
It was like mud, right?
It was like, he was pouring mud out of the coffee pot.
I love that now.
See, I know my brother was never into coffee.
He got this job where you have to work outside in the cold.
And like, everyone else was like staying warm by drinking coffee.
And he was finally like, yeah, get me one.
That's fine.
And he was like, it's gross, but it is keeping me warm in a weird way.
And then he was just addicted to it, loves it.
The office is on this list of things people are convinced
that others only pretend to enjoy.
I genuinely enjoyed the office.
I didn't in the later years.
Well, the show, the office, the show.
Yeah, of course.
No, it's really, really.
It's good.
Yeah, it's good half of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
League of Legends is on here.
Yeah, I never liked it.
Hiking.
Hey, to say is camping down there anywhere?
Hiking made the list.
I never understood.
Yeah, I pretended to like camping.
Yeah, you said it to the kid yesterday.
You're dead only pretended to like camping.
So if you get me, that is true.
Yeah, we're going to do an outdoor camping thing together.
I'm like, I'll be inside, buddy.
I'm not sitting on my side with you to tent.
Yeah, no, yeah, I pretend smart.
Download Dave and Chuck the Freaks Tasty Bits podcast
on iTunes or Google Play.
The tournament is back.
The upsets are inevitable.
And underdog is the best place to get in on all the action.
Playing on underdog is easy.
Just pick whether your favorite players will go higher
or lower on stats like points, rebounds, steals, and more.
Get your picks right and you can win up to 5,000 times your cash.
I love playing on underdog.
In this week, I'm looking at the Duke for St. John's matchup in the sweet 16.
I'm taking Cameron Booser for higher than 22 and a half points
and Dylan Darling for higher than six and a half points.
Download the app today and use promo code Dave and Chuck
to score 50 dollars in bonus entries
when you play your first five dollars.
That's promo code Dave and Chuck.
Underdog, make picks, win money.
Let's be 18 plus 19 plus in Alabama, Nebraska.
19 plus in Colorado for some games.
Toronto plus Arizona, Massachusetts, and Virginia,
and present in state were underdog fantasy operas.
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forward slash web, forward slash play, and get terms
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Insert into play, call 1-800-AMLOR, or visit ncpginling.org.
In New York, call the 24-7-hope line at 1-877-8-hope-NY,
or text Hope-NY-467-369.
Ugh.
What's wrong?
You had candy for breakfast again, didn't you?
It's not a problem, Dave. It's a lifestyle.
Look at you. You're a mess.
I've got a better way to start your day and satisfy that sweet tooth.
Go on.
Cotton candy and fruity rainbow five-hour energy shots.
All that nostalgia, candy style flavor, zero sugar.
Zero sugar.
Yeah, a portable two-ounce shot with a tasty caffeine kick.
So I get the sweet flavor without actually eating candy.
Exactly.
Thanks, Dave. I'm going to grab some on my way home
from getting my dinner cake.
Ugh, you're hopeless.
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Lisa, I can't even look at Lisa right now.
All right.
You can only do it 50 minutes or so.
We'll see what it is.
When did you realize your grandma was still horny?
Oh, God. I know it, too.
You do, you do.
I like to do.
When did you, you know what?
Let's open it up to both.
When did you realize your grandparents
were still horny?
Grandma, grandpa, whatever.
Oh, I bring it up because of that.
As always, telling you, incident that happened at Walt Disney World
where a grandma groped Goofy.
Right, grandma in trouble.
She grabbed Goofy's backside at Disney World and squeezed it three times.
The 32-year-old man who was playing Goofy,
told police he does want to press charges.
So someone's grandma is going to be charged for assaulting Goofy
in a sexual way at Walt Disney World.
Yeah.
So the question for you is when did you realize
your grandparents were still horny?
I feel like it's more...
I just know my dad, my dad has revealed his hornyness so many times
that it's like not really shocking to me.
But I do not.
I am lucky enough to have had both of my grandmother's past
without ever discovering their hornyness.
So thank goodness.
Yeah, me too.
Me too.
But, um...
All right, people.
But I know you lived with your grandma.
I did, yeah.
So it must have...
It bubbles up.
TV show?
Yeah, yeah.
So like I was probably...
I was probably 18 or 19.
I'm living with my grandma.
Yeah.
I'm starting to like look through her video library
and I'm starting to put stuff together.
I'm like, Steven's like, oh.
Steven's like, oh Chuck Norris.
Charles Bronson.
Oh, yeah.
I'm like, I think my grandma's horny for ass kicking me.
Yes.
She...
Because those are typical grandma...
Action hero.
Right, she's right now.
Yeah, like that.
Yeah.
I like a man that can kick some ass.
I know mine too.
Oh, no.
My grandma.
Oh, really?
Yeah, she's not here anymore.
No.
But it was recent.
Like, within the last couple of years,
after my grandpa died,
we ended up moving her into a home.
Yeah.
And she was caught with someone.
No!
She needs to do a call.
In the...
Shower.
No!
Jason!
No!
Jason!
Jason!
No!
Oh, my God.
Jason, do it.
If you like this...
What did they do?
They called your mom or...
Oh, yeah.
They called the Ninja Teller.
Oh, my God.
His name is Wheelchair Bomb.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
She was riding him in the shower.
She was riding him in the shower.
She was riding him in the shower.
She got to be good.
She stopped for something.
Was he, no?
Maybe just performing.
Yeah, I don't...
I don't know the details.
She was riding him on a shower, man.
Oh, my God.
So, yeah.
Oh, no.
And just the first act.
Because when he said it, I'm like, I don't know.
I can't think of a...
Oh, yes, I do know.
I don't know.
I know.
That is.
Yeah.
I think that wins.
The whole staff knew.
Come on, Rod the Train.
No.
And Rod it.
Come on, Rod the Train.
It's the two-tune train.
I've officially lost my desire for gills.
Oh, yeah.
Well, it's gone now.
It's gone now.
You're still in the Milks.
Yeah.
Yeah, but gills.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
See, because the way that I'd want to discover it is the way that Andy discovered it.
That's like so innocent.
Yeah, you can hear that.
Because you might hear my mom mention like a Tom Selec every once in a while.
Right.
I'm like, oh, yeah.
You love Tom Selec.
My grandma liked him, too.
Yeah, but to actually get a call and say
grandma's in the shower right now with a paraplegic man or a wheelchair-bound man
and pleasureing him.
I'm good for that guy, I guess.
Oh, yeah.
He was like, yeah, I didn't like him.
No.
Did you see that?
Did you know the way that you got really was?
Yeah, because I knew your grandma.
I would have to visit.
And he was around.
And she'd be, I'd be like, oh, she's not in her room.
They're like, oh, yeah, she's down in his room.
And I'm like, oh, no.
Hey, son.
So I'd bring her home and walk her to his room.
And you know, she's like, oh, he wants you to come in and see the room.
I'm like, no.
Going in and asking her to tip him out of their chair.
Yeah.
I'm taking him right out.
Oh, yeah.
No, no.
It's just life.
It's just desires that we have.
I mean, your kids obviously, if they heard the show at all, they know what their
grandma, they know that their grandma's horny.
Oh, my mom.
Yeah, unfortunately.
I mean, I guess I made the discovery about their grandma.
Right, when I saw all the books, she was downloading on Amazon.
Yeah, the filthy, filthy books.
Yeah, it's not the best.
Jesus, I hope they've never heard that.
I really, for their sake, I hope they have ever discovered their grandma's horny.
Yeah, it's a tough thing.
Like you see, he got very upset.
Yeah, he's still, he's saying he said, you can't believe you're with us for a while.
Back here, as we head to the phones, if you want to join us, 1-855-954-6969,
when did you realize your grandparents were still horny?
Bill is with us.
Hi, Bill.
Hey, how's it going?
I'm doing all right.
So, yeah, my grandmother, we went over a house one time and she had a broken leg,
and she just got married to this new larger gentleman.
And we tried to ask her what happened to her leg, and my aunt, my aunt,
chimes in and says, yeah, I tell them how you broke your leg.
And she starts yelling at us, and then she had to tell us that she was having sex with
her new husband, and use a big guy to phone her leg and broke her leg.
Oh, my God.
So nervous about this.
I'm what do you call a leg snapper?
Oh, no.
Yeah.
And she had explained everybody in the dark that everybody was so embarrassed that it was,
it was, it was embarrassing.
She was such a cranky lady and it was funny.
Oh, wow.
Because she would have been less cranky if she had a guy laid more.
Well, right?
Maybe it didn't hurt so bad.
What about husband and wife?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
For sure, that's right.
All right, thanks for calling in, Bill.
Mallory is in China, Michigan.
Okay.
And it's joining us here.
Hi, Mallory.
China.
Hello.
Hey, how are you?
Hey, how are you?
When did you realize your grandparents were still horny?
And, well, my parents took over guardianship of my grandpa
when he was towards the end of his life.
And we found out he had an infection in his body.
And it was because of the penile implant that nobody knew that he had.
Oh, my God.
Grandpa had a penile implant.
And no one knew about it.
Oh, man.
No, so we think that my grandma made him get it.
He had passed by then by the time we found out.
But she would be the type of lady that would be like, you need to go get that.
Oh, wow.
So,
she needed it.
She needed it, man.
What a shock when the nurses and doctors tell you that?
Oh, my God.
Can you imagine?
Yeah.
Body's got a penile implant.
Dear God.
And then you have to like, so,
hey, when did you get that?
Grandpa?
Years ago.
It's one of the first ones.
Super horny.
Most of it's on the outside.
This one works with gears.
It's going to sit and draw a bridge.
Come on.
Mix all those clanky noises.
Ryan Zayn, Massachusetts.
Ryan, when did you realize your grandparents were still horny?
Well, prepared peg.
Prepared peg.
Well, my grandmother one time we're all sitting around the living room TV
and she, Calvin Klein commercial comes on and it's an underwear commercial
and she goes, oh my, look at the package on him.
So then my grandfather turns around and goes, oh,
crap.
I'm not that sexy tonight.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I'm like, oh, my God.
I ran away.
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
You know the river's flowing.
I know four cats are calling for rain down there.
That looks like a,
that looks like Mark Walbrook.
Yeah, Marky Mark.
Marky Mark and the funky bun.
Get ready.
Your grandma's getting revved up turn it up.
Oh, I'm already revved.
You better bust out the lube.
Oh, no.
So sad.
Yeah, he's pissed.
Yeah.
Mike's up next.
Mike, when was it for you?
So on our 16th or 19th out, my grandmother was teaching me how to drive
because she was getting older.
Couldn't really drive her.
We're a little pickup truck and downtown Lynn,
and no doctor's blame.
And she elbows me and goes, hey, look at that wand.
I get the top half.
You get the bottom.
Oh, no.
Right.
He was not here at that point.
Oh, by six, my grandma.
That doesn't happen a lot.
No, it doesn't.
My sexual grandma.
No, it doesn't.
Sexual grandma.
No, only in the films.
Jason's in that movie.
It's going to say Jason's in that movie.
That is a movie for sure by Guilf.
I bet you if I typed it in, it would come up right.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Yeah, I could give you some names of stars.
Yeah, if you want.
That's kind of a funny band name.
What?
Bisexual grandma.
Yeah, that's not bad.
They really isn't bad.
Bisexual grandma.
You have to put porn.
Let's go back to the phones here.
And we're going to check in with Morgan in Cleveland.
Hello, Morgan.
Oh, how she going in.
How she going in the moment you realized
one of your grandparents was still horny.
So my grandmother had just died and my very religious,
uber religious grandfather sat me down
and was saying how he had recently connected with his neighbor.
And I was like, hey, that's great.
And he put his hands together as it's like
fitting two puzzle pieces together and said, no,
I mean like connecting.
And then he proceeded to talk about how he had connected
so hard all over the couch the other night
that it rearranged the furniture.
Needless to say, I immediately texted my mother
and told her what a nasty pre-curve father was.
Oh my god.
Yeah, no, you shouldn't be telling me that.
I call it, I call it connecting.
I you might call it rough sex.
I connected the hell out of it.
No, yeah, I played connect for all night.
Someone said, my grandma passed away.
We cleaned out her place, found all of her dildos
and ballgags in her nightstand.
And you don't want to find grandma's ballgags, guys.
That's an even better band name.
He's welcome, grandma's ballgags.
They are hardcore.
Yeah, they are.
Another one now similar.
Went through grandpa's stuff after he passed away,
found some big strap-ons and his pegging porn stash.
Man, oh man.
Grandpa liked it up the pooper.
Don't do this, Chuck.
To...
Don't have a collection of...
No, don't, don't.
You have to not have a collection of sex.
You could die in it.
But I think you can die at any time.
You go a little...
Lulee booby.
I know.
You like just be like, I'm getting myself.
I know.
What I wanted.
Grandma always points out things shaped like penises.
That looks like a doll.
That's 20, actually.
Look at her.
How do you believe so when she starts doing that?
Yes, I do.
I won't be able to help you.
It's the phallus.
The penis.
Phallus.
That's a phallus right there.
That water bottle looks like a phallus.
Next is Ryan.
When did you realize your grandma or grandpa was still horny?
Hey guys, penis.
Penis.
Penis.
So this happened fairly recently.
My mother went down to Florida to visit my grandmother.
She's 90 years old.
They were at a dinner function at some sort.
She had her new boyfriend with her.
And then a dude that was visiting from Massachusetts.
My mother looks over and notices that my grandmother is like
fondling this random dude that came and visited
while sitting next to her new boyfriend.
And the boyfriend could have could have known.
I mean, how would you not know?
She's not fondling a random man's wiener at the time.
Yeah.
Yeah, they were all closed and it was like a family.
It was like a dinner with friends and stuff and chooses going at it.
Holy cow.
That's crazy.
I don't want to see you.
She's like 90 years old.
So she was so young and everything.
And he was like, I don't care.
I don't let her jerk off again.
I think it's super cool.
I didn't add my grandma.
I didn't date after my grandma.
Oh, yeah.
She was actually a sack same way.
That would have been weird.
She wasn't fondling men and diners.
No, that's good.
When my grandma died, we found five full boxes of women's
Viagra and men's Viagra.
You're going to need us.
Now she could have just been doling it out
and making sweet cash on the side.
She's breaking bad for the, yeah.
Exactly.
I'm like, waterfalls happen.
Very owners.
Very Irish grandma's been widowed since 1965.
She would intentionally get pulled over
because there was a cute police officer.
Uh oh, I guess I got a gun.
I'm hot and drugged in me.
Then she eventually tried to set me up with him
because as she said, he was delicious.
Oh, wow.
That's wild when like a grandma would be attracted
to someone that you decided to date.
Yeah.
Like, oh, get him over here.
Bring him over here.
That's you, her night.
Jamie, when did you realize one of your grandparents
was still horny?
It was actually my great grandmother.
I used to go to New York to visit her every year.
She lived to be about 108.
Oh, that's amazing.
Yeah, um, anyway.
So for like her 98th, 99th birthday,
I would go up there and we were all sitting
in this dining room with like probably 12 other people
in their late 90s on their deathbed.
And uh, her neighbor, old man,
was had his arm around another lady.
And she points her finger at him.
She looks at me and my sister.
We're sitting next to each other.
And then we're surrounded by family like aunt,
uncles, you know, she's old, old.
She lived to be almost 108.
So everyone come around.
It was a holiday to keep her around.
Yeah.
And she goes, she goes, do you see that old man
over there sitting there?
And we all say, yeah, grandma, she was,
he is my neighbor.
I guess I just don't got it no more.
And she was so upset.
Oh, the neighbor was coming on her.
Wow, it's 99 though.
I mean, of course you don't go.
Wow.
Yeah, but I mean, that's what all the other ladies there, right?
Right.
I feel like these some of these old-timers,
they clean it up and there.
There's only one of them usually to choose from.
And Markson Naples, hey, Mark,
when did you realize one of your grandparents was horny?
Well, my stepbrother and I were staying with them
up in the cabin.
It's constant.
We were like 12 years old.
Like in the middle of the night,
all of a sudden we heard some noise.
And my grandmother's name was Sylvie.
And I heard my grandpa say,
Jesus Christ, Sylvie, they look like fried eggs.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
That's a thing for 12-year-older here.
Oh, I thought it could be like a romantic thing.
Like, well, you still look beautiful soon.
No, sometimes older guys just start calling it,
like they sit at you and they just sit at you.
They're like, whatever.
They're thrilled to see them, but they're like, wow.
They'll just be like, I can't have sex tonight, you're gross.
They'll just say it.
I see my dad kind of doing all the time.
Everyone's gross, though.
Yeah, I know.
Right.
Come on.
I know, but they're thinking back to better time.
Yeah.
From the old guy.
I guess, right.
Yeah, for sure.
Great, Dave and Chuck the Freaks Tasty Bits podcast
on iTunes or Google Play.
Oh.
What's wrong?
You and Candy for breakfast, again, didn't you?
It's not a problem.
David's a lifestyle.
Look at you, you're a mess.
I've got a better way to start your day
and satisfy that sweet tooth.
Go on.
Cotton Candy and fruity rainbow five-hour energy shots.
All that nostalgia, Candy Style flavor, zero sugar.
Zero sugar.
Yeah, a portable two-ounce shot with a tasty caffeine kick.
So I get the sweet flavor without actually eating candy.
Exactly.
Thanks, Dave.
I'm going to grab some on my way home
from getting my dinner cake.
Oh, you're hopeless.
This guy's having a little different dilemma.
He says, love the show.
I need your opinion on this one.
I'm a guy in my early 30s.
When I was in my early 20s in college,
I wasn't killing it in the bedroom.
But I had fairly regular sex.
Since then, I've gotten a great job.
I bought a house.
I've been on several of the dating sites
and not had one successful date.
Welcome to the club.
It has now been nine years since I've been late.
Nine long years.
You're almost there.
Looks wise.
He said, now I'm not overly attractive.
I'm very tall.
I'm close to seven feet tall.
And I'm wanky.
I have that awkward tall guy look.
I think like a real skinny Michael Phelps.
Seven feet tall.
Almost seven feet.
He said, but I'm really social.
And I'm usually at the center of the party.
My buddy found out recently.
I hadn't been late in nine years.
He's also singly booked us
to a vacation at a party resort.
Yeah.
Guys, it was awesome.
Dancing and music and drinks.
And I made out with this smoking hot
Scandinavian chick.
Amazing.
I finger banged a big check on the beach.
Shut my God.
My word.
My God.
I'm not ready for you.
You almost passed out.
I just sit on and understand
this brain sometimes.
Wow.
Yeah.
So casual.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
It's just like.
Let me review some of these.
And I hooked up with this Peruvian girl.
And we had sex a ton.
Okay.
Okay.
So you did it.
Dude, my dry spell is over and it was amazing.
Good for you.
But here's the thing.
I've been home for a couple of weeks now.
Still have not had any luck finding a lady here.
I'm still talking to this Peruvian woman.
And last night she messaged saying she and a friend
would love to come visit me at home.
It's time to get some people in the good old U.S.
of A.
Come on.
Welcome.
Move on in.
I don't know anything about the friend.
And the Peruvian
skiing a little coy about it.
But she says they're going to pay for their own flights.
But they'd love to be able to stay at my place for the week
and have me show them around.
I asked about sightseeing and she said,
well,
we'll mostly be in the bedroom.
But if you want to plan a few things you can,
my friend will be robbing you.
He says my penis really wants to do this.
But because I listen to you guys,
my head is putting up some red flags.
What would you do here?
Honestly.
What would I do?
It's different than come on over.
That's what he's asking.
What you should do.
My advice is what I would do.
Yeah, what I would do is come on over.
Pay for their flights myself.
Like, they don't.
Okay.
What do you say?
You know, this is what's happening here.
You've already had sex with her.
Yep.
She's bringing a friend in case you are in real life
an absolute creep that she doesn't realize you are.
So if you're not that,
then everything will probably be cool.
This is not about robbing you.
I don't think right now.
This is about trying to get you to marry
someone so they can move to the United States.
I would almost
get into my life on it.
Yeah.
And so the friend is just like some to make it safer.
And then I mean, she's like,
we're going to be in the bedroom the whole time.
That's what you say to me to get me to marry a Peruvian.
If you want me to get married again to a Peruvian,
you tell me how much sex we're going to have.
And I'm like, come on over.
Right.
Move in.
Here's the paperwork.
Fill it out.
So I don't know.
I just think that's more likely what's going on here.
And
the other day sex with her, which is like a good side.
Yeah, a couple of times.
Yeah.
I mean, that's, you know,
he got nothing else going on.
No, he put a busy night, though, between the big girl.
Well, I don't think it was all one night.
I think it was over the course of their vacation.
I thought it was all one night.
I thought it was all one night.
Yeah.
Hold on, Scandinavian chick.
I got a finger pleasure this big lady.
Oh, wow.
And then I got to get with the Peruvian.
Sorry about that.
So romantic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
I'm assuming her friend is a lady too.
I would not be cool with that.
Oh, no, no.
So she's like a guy's coming with me.
Like, no, F off.
Right.
Like F off.
No.
I'm assuming it's just like, listen,
I have to go meet that guy.
I want to go meet that guy.
We talk, but it's pretty scary.
I think it'd be pretty scary to go to another country.
To me, I am saying I'm trying to get out of the,
yes, it's going to be great sex.
But dude, there's so many red flags here.
Like why a woman you met once, a smoke and hot.
Okay, you can't find any lady here.
But the smoking hot Peruvian woman is willing to pay her own airfare
and travel across the country to see you.
Listen, don't listen to that.
It's not adding up.
Don't listen to that.
No, it's not adding up.
Don't listen to that.
It's not adding up.
Trust no one helped no one.
No one.
And he's got a life like, forget all that Dave talk.
You've got a Peruvian.
Listen to that.
Listen to that.
That Peruvian fly in and you have sex.
She wants your kid, Neeser.
You're a drug mule.
She learned she's just going to bring her babies
and they're going to move in.
She wants your last name for six to eight months.
And that's probably it.
But again, you cannot do an illegal marriage scam.
No, but you could legally get married
and then she could legally not love you anymore in two years.
Right.
And then she's home free.
It happens all the time.
And I really do think that if it's some people's plan,
but he did this.
Someone said with a lady met in Thailand,
he ended up marrying her last summer.
It is a nightmare for him.
Yeah, don't do it.
Sure.
I mean, I get it.
But at the end of the day,
he does not just because this girl comes over
does not mean that she has to get married.
No, she might try to get pregnant.
She might never leave.
You know, she might stay.
Well, I'll just call the authorities.
Hey, I saw you doing.
I spent a guess why you're not going to believe it,
but a very attractive Peruvian is in my house.
Like, yeah, we get this call all the time.
Got chances of her just wanting to fly around the world
with her hot friend to give you a threesome.
There's a million trillion to none.
I know.
It's not.
It's not without cost.
It's not without cost.
But she has had sex with them.
I don't think it's a threesome that's going to happen,
but I don't think that I don't know.
I think she wants him for the citizenship.
Yeah.
And that's just.
I don't don't.
If he really, really, really wants to do this,
rent a hotel room and put them up there.
Yeah.
Don't let them anywhere near your house.
Don't let them know where you live.
I agree.
That's a great idea.
That is a great idea to stop them somewhere and say,
hey, listen, my place is under renovation.
Something I'm staying with a friend.
So I've got you guys a hotel room.
And I might even say, I mean, it's tough.
It's tough.
Is this girl going to want to travel without her friend?
I would be trying to convince the person like, listen,
I'll make it as comfortable as possible.
I'll get you a hotel.
You can stay there.
Don't bring your friend.
Let's just hang out.
I don't, you know, I mean, I get to even saying that makes it seem like
I'm going to kill you.
Yeah, I can't wait to kill you.
Someone said I'm telling you guys,
I've done counter-narcotics all over South America.
Peru is a massive drug zone.
Oh, stay away.
Oh, yeah, it could be a drug plan.
Listen, don't listen to any of this drug talk.
That's not that.
Don't kill this guy.
Don't get this guy killed.
Let's get him to the town.
Have Peruvian sex.
I can't even imagine Peruvian sex.
It's got to be wise.
I won't even let my mind go there.
Peruvian?
Let's look up.
This will be the final decision.
Peruvian women.
Images.
Well, you've found,
I just, I mean, I, you don't need to show me the one in the,
there you go.
That's Jack there.
She's coming.
Yeah.
I mean, come on.
Traditional Peruvian women lining up at your door.
He's put in like, uh, Peru Peruvian.
Yeah, I mean, I guess the other thing is like,
you got to crunch the numbers on like,
you got to find all this person's info if you can.
He's got to get her to Peru that she.
Oh, no.
I love what they do our.
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm trying to,
are you?
We're going to Peru.
I'm going to, I'm going to, I, I'm going to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
yeah.
We're going to fight for you guys.
Yeah.
We're going to fight.
Are we going to fight for you guys?
Yeah.
Get out of that zone.
We're going to scum your ass, do.
That's it.
He's done.
I meant, take some chance.
I meant, take some.
A Peru is the funny way.
That was hilarious.
He's got to get it, too.
Peruvian.
A man takes a chance.
Shoot, not the best, but it's not what I could do.
I found it actually okay.
Wasn't the worst joke I ever heard.
I laughed a little bit inside.
We've got Peru on our mind right now.
Thinking about going to Peru.
Peruvian Resorts.
Yeah, you're gonna end up as a Netflix special.
So I say, no, I say don't do it.
I just think this is about marriage.
I really do.
Yeah.
But if you don't want that, then hell no, dude.
There's so many, there's way more risks than rewards here.
So keep that and take it into consideration and don't listen to Dave.
I think that is not works with every woman.
I do too.
You're taking any risks.
I know.
I mean, you could go, you could on an app here and get, you know, show up somewhere
and three guys are with the girl and then you're robbed and naked.
He's had sex with this person ahead of the game.
It's so much more than just meter online and never.
They've been talking this whole entire time, you know, like it's weird.
A lot of times if you meet someone at a resort, you don't still keep talking to them.
That was what it was at the resort and it's gone.
She's definitely thinking, I met my American man.
Is she?
I met my American drug meal.
Okay, whatever.
I'll do whatever you need.
Yeah.
I'll know.
What do you need?
You'll fill your backside with cocaine.
Are we having sex, proven lady?
Fill me up.
That's so easy.
Yeah.
I'm easy peasy.
Check my passport.
Oh, over the world.
Fill me up, buttercup.
All right.
Okay.
Chuck's back door is open for you.
It is.
It doesn't work out with this guy.
Come on, Chuck.
Take a risk in life.
He'll fly you in.
Yeah.
You know, I just don't want to get anyone killed.
No.
Just anyone can you get killed at any time.
That's true.
You could be driving home today and get killed.
Life is funny.
There's Chuck and Andy's penis to say better to be killed inside a proven lady.
So true.
I mean, if that's how I could go.
Well, you'll probably end up with someone inside of you.
That's how I could likely go.
That's the second way.
Peruvian.
Peruvian.
As much as it would say.
Oh, you Peruvian man.
And one more email to get to here.
This guy says, I met my girlfriend's family over the weekend.
Safe to say things could have gone better.
I went to their house for a little cookout.
Took the grand tour their home, which is I guess like 200 years old.
They also said it was filled with no less than 15 ghosts.
Geez.
And they did not appreciate that I laughed at that.
Oh.
But guys, really, who counts ghosts and how do they know what their names are?
Well.
Anyway, about 45 minutes of them telling me stories and me laughing.
It was clear they didn't see the humor.
And my girlfriend decided we better leave.
Yeah.
So now she's pissed at me because she thinks her parents are in danger because I upset the ghost by mocking them.
And what if they now decide to come to our place and get revenge?
This is what she's been saying to me.
I can't believe I'm really asking you guys this.
But am I totally out of line here?
Is there really some danger in not taking this stuff seriously?
It all feels so extremely stupid to me.
What do you guys think?
I feel like you can think whatever you want about whatever you want.
And if you don't believe that ghosts are real, then that's fine.
But you just have to understand the people that think all this stuff is real.
It's like really real to them.
It's like really, really real to them.
Right.
You know, I'm part of like the UFO gang.
And I know people that if I threw a frisbee in the air and you went and took a picture of it and they saw it,
they would believe it a thousand percent because it's just, it's a mindset you have to have,
like you have to fight against that mindset, I think, in life and it's hard.
It's the craziest weirdest fight I've ever heard.
It is really crazy.
While they're like, go to a jigsaw and some parents house and they're like,
listen, Sasquatch that lives out back.
I might feel the exact same way about you telling me about a religious book.
You know what I mean?
And you're so super into anything.
Anything that's what I'm saying.
Just keep your mouth shut.
You know,
He shouldn't have laughed, I guess.
And say anything.
When ghosts people start talking about ghosts, I just, I've stayed silent.
Right.
If I met a great girl, but you know, we went to her place and her parents had like,
you know, anything.
Crucifix is everywhere and they were telling me about Jesus the whole time.
I wouldn't be like,
I don't like laughing at me.
Jesus!
Like, no.
Like I'd be like, oh, okay, okay, great.
And then we'd leave and I'd go, hey, you know me, right?
Like I can't.
I don't drive.
Right.
You were a very impolite.
If we're going to be blind here, you were very impolite.
After the first laugh, when you realize, oh, they take a seriously, that should have been it.
45 minutes have continually laughing at their stories.
Real bad.
That's your girlfriend's parents.
You did not show them respect.
Whether you think their cooks are not right.
You save all that for later.
You save all of that because everyone's parents are cooks.
We have to listen to that for 45 minutes.
That's where off.
It is.
It's not.
It's not.
I totally understand that.
But you still can't make fun of them.
No, no.
That's what they really believe.
And now you're asking us if there really is some danger for not taking these ghosts seriously.
So there's a belief.
Part of it doesn't believe.
Well, it's weird because he's got like at least three people being like dead ghosts are
after us now.
Right.
This is reality.
He's probably like changing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe they're right.
He's being influenced.
Yeah.
I think you're fine.
I really.
I do with the ghost stuff.
Yeah.
I think he's more concerned about the parents or the ghosts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think he's more concerned about the ghosts.
Right.
Right.
He's breaking out things because he mocked the ghosts.
Her parents are in danger.
Right.
Right.
Because he, because unfortunately, you know, like in my life with the UFO stuff, if I bring
it up to say Rowan, he looks at me like you are dumb, you're stupid, you dumb and stupid.
And I'm like, I know I'm dumb and stupid, but it's just what I think.
And he's like, okay, well, just continue to be dumb and stupid.
I'm like, I will.
But she is influenced by her parents and is, he's got a ghost woman.
Bigger picture here is you're likely not a fit.
No.
Not a fit.
That's what it seems like.
Ghost believe in family and you will not.
No.
And if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone, this probably won't work.
Yeah.
15 ghosts is too much.
Like a candle blows out and they're like, that must be Frank.
It's number 16.
I know how I would react to that.
I'd be like, wow, I'll be honest, if I had a candle right here in a blue out, I wouldn't
like it.
I know you wouldn't.
I wouldn't like it.
How did that blow out?
How did that blow out?
Imagine Chuck walking through this house and the parents are like this.
We got 15 ghosts.
He'd be like, oh my god.
Oh, yeah.
You see one now.
No, no.
My whole, my whole thought process was, well, I'll never go inside that house, but I'd
love to meddle the tactile side.
It's 200 years old.
Yeah.
Nerd thoughts.
Nerd diet.
Nerd thoughts.
Nerd thoughts.
Yeah.
Are ghosts coming after you?
Likely not.
But are you a match with this woman?
Likely not.
No.
Yeah.
It would be weird if like one day a book flew by.
I'm in the living room and she's like, look what you did.
Yeah.
But if that happens, I'm like, yeah, I screwed up.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, go apologize to those ghosts.
I really screwed up.
You made a mistake.
I'm like, Lisa, we need to sage.
Thanks for checking out the Dave and Chuck the Freak Tasty Bits podcast.
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