Pete Holmes asks about inexplicable inexperiences

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Handsome child, friends of handsome pot, child and friends of handsome pot.

Cheers.

Welcome to the Hands of Pot.

I'm Fortune Feenster.

I'm Mae Martin.

And I am Tignotaro.

And it's Tigs Birthday!

Oh my gosh.

55.

55.

55, baby.

Oh my gosh.

Double Nichols.

Oh my gosh.

Finally, finally, old enough to move into a retirement community.

This is the age where you get sodas for cheaper.

Is that a thing?

In America.

What does that mean?

In America it is.

What does that mean?

There's a fast food restaurant which I know you love.

You know me, girl.

There's a senior drink.

No way.

You can offer this senior drink.

And it's cheaper.

And I think age might be 55, but I'm not sure.

I think you have to do that.

My mom orders them everywhere she has.

And I like a senior Mellow Yellow.

It's so funny because I've ever since I was like a young adult, I would say.

Probably late teens, early twenties, probably even beyond that.

I would, anywhere I would go.

Like if I would go to be parking my car in a parking lot and paid parking lot.

I'd always ask, you know, oh, and do you offer a senior discount?

Or if I was like, you know, buying clothes at the mall or something.

It's be like, oh, and do you offer a senior discount?

And they'd be like, some people would be like, well, you're not a senior.

Or who is this for?

And then most people would be like, I got you.

That's funny.

And then they give me the senior discount.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I can't believe it now has gone up with me.

It's obvious that I can actually ask for a senior soda.

I'm going to, I'm going to Google to see if there is an age for you.

No, fortunately, Thomas is a job to Google.

He must Google our senior sodas.

Thomas wanted to see your soda start.

Now you should start asking for the kid discount.

You like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not seeing something special.

Oh, actually.

Oh, Wendy's.

I think.

Senior soda.

Oh, some, some people are saying 60.

People are saying 55 plus.

And you get a free senior beverage, which is a 15 ounce value type of soda or a small coffee.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Whoa.

It's not even a discount.

I know.

I'm really going to be able to, you know,

lift up some cash away.

So all the money I'm saving on my senior soda.

Suddenly you start going to fast food restaurants for the first time in your life.

No, I did go and tell us about 19.

Oh, really?

And then that was it.

You're like, no moss.

Well, you know, it's funny.

I remember I was such a and still am.

This is no secret.

Big indigo girls fan.

Uh-huh.

And I remember them saying one of them or both of them saying to, you know, boycott fast food.

And I was like, we'll do.

Never going again.

That was a good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, and I just stuck with that and then becoming vegan nearly 10 years ago.

Obviously.

That limits your options.

Actually, I actually have gone on the road.

Um, some of those places have had vegan burgers and I've stopped and done that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I stopped for a vegan burger once in the drive through of like, and maybe it was McDonald's

or something where there was no food around.

I was like, okay, I'm going to do this.

Yeah.

Um, and then like places like Chipotle.

That's fast food.

I go there.

Oh, we can't eat it Chipotle anymore.

Yeah.

No, I happen.

Yeah.

They're bad news.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know what happened.

I think they're just funding all the all the bad things.

Oh.

But it's a shame I love Chipotle, but.

But they were like when I was on the road.

Yeah.

Looking for some grub.

Oh man.

But now I have happy cow, which is the app that tells you where the nearest vegan food is to you.

Oh, happy cow.

Yeah.

I love that app.

I'm really struggling to eat normal food on the road.

I'm here on my tour bus now.

And I'm like eating in same times and same things.

I feel insane.

Well, let's first of all, give us a peeksy of your bus.

You're on a bus right now.

Touring us around.

Well, okay.

There's somebody napping in the bunks.

So I can't show you the bunks.

What do you mean, somebody?

Somebody.

You know.

You know.

Some random.

Do you have your own bedroom on this bus?

I do have my own bedroom, which makes me feel like such an asshole, but.

I felt like I was going to sleep really well because I had a, I'm not in a bunk.

I'm in a bedroom.

But my head is like right on top of the engine of the bus.

So it's like.

Yeah.

Okay.

This is.

This is.

This is.

This is.

This is.

Oh, go to YouTube.

Go.

Go directly to YouTube.

Takes favor than to say.

But this is like the expanded version.

Like it.

It.

It shrinks down when we drive.

So we got two TVs opposite each other there.

Well, hold on.

Fortunately, it's not my favorite thing to say.

It's that there are things like.

May flexing.

And.

May.

Yeah.

That may is flexing in their tour bus.

Like, why would you just.

You want just audio of that?

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow.

Okay.

Sorry to bother everyone.

Don't go to YouTube and watch May flex on the tour bus.

I wasn't teasing you.

I was celebrating you.

And I wasn't being serious with you either.

So we can drop the attitudes.

What are you snacking on?

Fortune.

Um.

What?

I might have brought binyes from Salas.

Oh.

And.

So there are old binyes.

But I don't care.

Wait.

Are.

Are you in New Orleans?

No.

I'm.

We were filming nights this week.

So.

And they just have binyes on set.

We ordered a food truck for the crew.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

So we ordered binyes in coffee last night.

Because we filmed till almost 4 30 in the morning.

Then you're no fools.

How delicious are binyes?

Probably two days.

Two days ago.

I was in New Orleans.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My first binye.

And.

And it's so crazy because you go to sleep on the bus.

And then you wake up and you're in like a completely different place.

Different temperature.

Everything different.

And in New Orleans, we woke up like right by Bourbon Street, like just in the heart of

everything.

I had a binye.

I went.

I went.

I saw jazz.

I went to the voodoo museum.

Where do you get your binye?

I want to say it was called the musical legends park.

But it was just a courtyard.

And then it had a little.

Yeah.

Why do you know?

I went.

I saw the Mississippi River.

I can believe it.

Well, that's where it takes from.

Yeah.

My.

My.

My great-great-grandfather was the mayor of New Orleans.

Shut the front.

My mother was born in New Orleans.

Wait.

Have we gone to the famous binye place?

Have we talked about the fact that your great-great-grandfather was the mayor?

I don't know.

I don't think we have.

That's what he was.

That's crazy.

Did he use to walk around with the grenade drinks?

Me.

Did he.

Did he know those right in the neck?

Yeah.

That's what my family is famous for.

I used to spend my summers in New Orleans on St. Charles Avenue.

That's where my grandmother.

Yeah.

She lived hardy town.

She lived next door to the Ponchitrain Hotel.

And she had a-

Ponchitrain?

Yeah.

The Ponchitrain, which is the-

Oh.

So like Ponchitrain.

No.

And then there's Lake Ponchitrain, which is a gigantic body of water with a huge, you know,

bridge that goes over it.

But she had a standing reservation at the Ponchitrain Hotel.

And that's where we would go eat every night, was there?

Standing reservation is like, they just know that if you show up, you get a room.

Yeah.

Wow.

You get a table.

It's very easy.

Oh, right.

A room.

Whatever you want.

May face like you get a room, huh?

Okay.

It's a cool city.

Yeah.

Oh, it's so-

What about magazine street?

Did you make it out to magazine street?

Didn't go to magazine street.

But I went to like-

I saw some jazz.

I mean, I had such a short time, but-

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The show, the audience was raucous and wild and fun and-

Raucous.

And then, yeah, we went up my-

my tour manager had a gator-

and-

Po-boy.

And-

It was crazy.

And-

Did you have some?

I didn't have a bite, actually.

I was scared.

I had a shrimp-

A shrimp po-

It was so good.

Yeah.

Yes.

It's been insane.

The-

The handsome listeners are out in full effect at these shows.

The merch, the gear, the quotes.

So how is it going?

You had your fear, your concerns.

You weren't going to sell tickets.

Clearly, it's off the hinges.

The-

It's off the hinges.

The-

The tickets have been good and-

And it's been-

It's been great.

I just-

I feel pretty nuts.

I mean, I-

From-

From sleep.

But in every city I'm doing something and tomorrow I convinced them to let me go to Disney.

I mean, I feel like a child just asking my parents to find a lot to like-

Do fun stuff.

But I'm going to go for like three hours to Disney and run around.

Oh, because you're going to Orlando?

Yeah.

I'm going to Orlando tomorrow.

Oh, my God.

You're driving, right?

You're on a bus.

Every night.

So I've-

And are you-

Are you glad you're doing this as opposed to flying?

Oh, it's a terrible mistake.

Oh, really?

I mean, that sounds like hell.

Yeah.

I'm like just about settling into it.

But the first few days I was like, how am I going to do this?

Like, I-

Yeah, I just can't sleep.

It's a lot of trouble.

It's a lot of trouble.

A bus towards a lot for sure.

Yeah.

Especially for a little cowboy.

I mean, you know, I got a fragile constitute.

And-

That's right.

A constitute.

But the-

Yeah.

The people at the shows have been so nice.

And-

And-

And just like you guys, I don't remember what we say on this podcast.

So-

Oh, yeah.

This woman comes up in the meet and greet.

And she goes-

She's holding a banana.

She goes, I want you to fuck me with this banana.

I said, excuse me.

And then-

Excuse me?

And then-

And then she was like, excuse me?

Mortified.

Then she was like, oh, that's on the podcast.

That was the big joke.

And I was like, I don't know.

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

I know.

People contact me and-

Or walk past me and say things.

I don't know what anybody is referencing.

And not just with the podcast.

When I do stand up.

For like-

Anything I say, like in an interview or something, I'm like, wow.

What did I-

Oh, okay.

I know.

I know.

That's an intense one too.

Oh, my God.

That was an intense one.

I'm gonna say to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

To like 45 minutes of stand up.

Then the second half is all like improv and music.

And yeah.

It's been-

I am.

And also just like there's an added emotional depth to it right now, especially in Florida.

And like I'm going to Kansas and Minneapolis.

Like people are really happy to be in like a safe space and with each other.

Yeah.

Like that.

Yeah, it's super nice.

But that's strange things are happening of course.

You know?

Like, people-

Oh, I feel like people are saying all of them.

Oh, I mean, so many strange things are occurring.

A day one I found on the floor of a taxi,

I found three sapphire blue dice.

Can you imagine how much this spun me out?

What is this mean?

And then, I was like,

I was like, we were just saying something crazy,

I was like, oh, I almost like me finding out

who may made out with in the car.

I'm like, all right.

And then what?

Okay.

Last night at the show, last night was Atlanta

and at the show, they had all these security there

and they were giving me these like.

You went New Orleans, Atlanta,

and then you're going down to Orlando?

Yeah, I went New Orleans, Atlanta.

Now I'm in Jacksonville.

It probably was like when the theaters were available.

For sure.

But I'm just like,

I don't know.

It's like, you're just back to me.

Have you looked at a map?

No.

I don't know.

I don't know if it's a mountain of wealth.

Okay.

Well, yeah, no, everything's fine.

That's the perfect route to take anyway.

So I was like, you know,

they give like a security briefing and everything.

And then, so during the show,

this woman just comes to the front of the stage

and I'm kind of looking around at security

as anyone going to.

She's just kind of is in the middle of the show

and she's just kind of on the front of the stage

and everyone's like, what's happening?

Then she pulls out these $1 bills

and she starts slowly putting $1 bills on the stage like this.

While you're doing stand up.

Yeah.

So I stopped.

I'm like, what's happening?

Meanwhile, I'm like, does anyone know this woman?

Like the security, security's just standing there like.

Then she and she, they've seen worse.

Yeah, they've seen worse.

She puts the money down and leaves

and then it was very strange, yeah.

Yeah.

Then in the meet and greet, like,

she didn't have a meet and greet ticket,

but I saw her come bud the line.

No one asked her for a wristband, you know?

And she's like,

I'm the woman that put the dollar bills on the stage.

I'm like, I know what the hell was that about?

Oh my God.

And did you find out or she just got whisked away?

No, nobody whisked her away.

I mean, to her credit, she goes, I don't know.

I just wanted attention.

And I was like, all right, that's pretty honest.

She's honest.

Yeah, that's very honest.

I think you need to have a conversation though

with your security guards

that there should be some whisking away if somebody,

and not to say this person was dangerous or anything.

No, she wasn't, but I was scared.

Yeah, if people aren't following, you know,

if somebody's coming up to the stage

or they're like, cut in line, yeah,

like maybe you step in.

A hundred percent, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I've been pulling an animal tarot card

with the audience at the beginning of every show,

like to, of course you have.

To find like the energy of the show.

And oh my God.

It's really funny.

When I do it.

This is a five-check, y'all.

It's such a five-check.

And when I do it, I just see some people's eyes glaze over,

like, what if I can't do it?

Ah, ah, ah.

Can you imagine if I did a five-check with tarot cards

at the beginning of the show?

Just want to, we're going to pull.

We'll collectively pull a tarot card

to see what the energy will be tonight in this room.

But then some people are like, oh, thank God.

I thought you'd never pull a tarot card.

Like, they're excited.

They're waiting for it.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what they know that.

That's what they're going to get with little cowboy.

Yeah.

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Not checking the tour bus as an outlet for my synthesizer.

This must be remedied.

I really want to jam out while I'm on the road.

But instead, I'm stuck listening to the radio.

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Well, it sounds like it's going well.

It's soup.

I mean, what a...

Even though you're not sleeping.

Aside from that, it's a...

And people are paying you dollars at the stage.

But yeah, it's a very good experience.

Are you basically gone now?

The whole time or will you come back to LA periodically?

Like I come back for 10 days

and then I'm out pretty much till May.

It's like, when do you get to have this type of experience?

So, like true.

And just get in time to do it.

All the weird local facts, like everyone's giving me May facts.

Like, nice.

You know, a dental floss was invented in New Orleans

and 7-Eleven was invented in Dallas, you know?

It was invented.

Yeah.

7-Eleven was invented.

I mean, there was a mad scientist.

We need a store that has everything all the time.

Wasn't it supposed to be like opening at 7 and closing at 11?

Oh, that makes so much sense.

I never occurred to me.

It used to be an ice store.

But yeah, that makes sense.

7-Eleven.

Yeah, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about 7-Eleven.

But I do feel like I heard that.

Yeah, that makes sense.

That makes sense.

Yeah.

Why not?

And then back?

So, Tick, what do you think of for your birthday today?

We don't...

Oh, well, should we let people in on the fact

that it's not actually my birthday?

We're typing just a few weeks ahead.

And I know we talked recently that Fortune was upset

that she hasn't ever made it to any of my big parties.

I know.

And those are not ever going to happen again.

Oh, I was out.

Every single one of your freaking parties I was on the road.

I want to throw you one.

OK.

Well, throw me a surprise party.

Yeah.

You'll know everyone to call, right?

Yeah.

And your cousin.

Yeah, just my one cousin.

But I don't know.

Because let's be honest, this is 20 days ahead

of my birthday that we're recording.

Yeah, yeah.

I honestly don't even know if I've won or lost an Oscar.

I know.

Oh, I've won at Oscars, too.

Oh, you are?

I'm going to...

I'm going to Zootopia.

Oh, amazing.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

So I'll be there rooting for you.

I'll be rooting for you.

And us.

And us, yes, all of us.

But I would imagine I'll probably just have a chill

dinner as the answer to that, which has become my favorite thing, is just...

Just to really lounge over a leisurely meal with some good people, yeah.

Yeah.

But like the scaled down, scaled down, not like a dinner party.

Oh, OK.

Yeah.

Basically Stephanie and the boys.

So maybe, maybe another couple.

OK.

But who knows?

I mean, also, I will have just had my eye surgery.

Oh, yes.

I've already had my eye surgery.

I'm not surgery.

I'm not doing fine.

How dare you.

Everything worked out great, you guys.

My nose is in the back of my head.

Yeah.

Do I look any different with my eyes?

Your gorgeous.

So yeah, I've either won or lost an Oscar, and I've had eye surgery so far.

Oh, my goodness.

I'm four days into recovery.

That was the thing about my birthdays.

I don't know how I'm going to be recovering or feeling after the surgery.

So I don't have any very clear plans unless somebody wants to make me feel special and surprise

me.

You know?

Do you, when you have like a birthday dinner, do you like it if other people make a toast

about you or do you want to make your birthday toast or no toast?

Gosh.

I've never thought about that.

And I like toast.

I like really earnest moments.

Me too.

Yeah.

I love them.

I think maybe I like an earnest moment as well.

Yeah.

I'm into it.

Yeah.

You know, I maybe I've talked about it on the podcast, but like I don't mind when they're

like with special moments, weddings and things, if there's funny stuff like hints of it.

But I really think it's so special when you really commit to the earnest moment and

share like I think this about you and I see this about you and I appreciate this about

you.

Yeah.

I just think it's really nice to hear, especially as a comedian.

And people expect comedy from me and I like to show that other side and also I'm open

to receiving it.

Yeah.

So what do you want to toast?

Yeah.

I do.

I do think that's what our friendship was sort of cemented to was when we had that earnest

dinner that was earnest and well, taking I had had been around each other as comedians

and friends of friends for a number of years.

But everything was, you know, kind of surface like you are in LA.

We don't really know somebody and then we had this dinner with some mutual friends.

And I was, I think I had just been dumped by someone and I was just like, I had this

come to Jesus like, I'm sad and I want to meet somebody and everybody at the table was

just like, earnest back with me and we just had this like real meal and conversation.

And after that, I think we were just like, oh, we're, we're, I know you, you know,

you cook.

Yeah.

And then I bumped into you on that flight and you had found somebody right after that

dinner.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love that.

The rest is it.

Her story.

That was many, many, many moons ago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cause I met Jack's a few months after that.

But I do.

I remember at that dinner van like, no way, man.

It's going to happen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to believe.

That's right.

But yeah.

So toast me.

Yeah.

The toast.

May go ahead.

Go on.

Oh boy.

Okay.

You wrote it up.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Let me see what I can pull out of my ass.

Okay.

I mean, even if you pulled something out of your ass, I'd take that as a birthday for

you.

Especially if it was that bottle there.

Yeah.

But anyway.

Okay.

Well, we're gathered here to celebrate a dear, dear friend of ours.

You know.

You know.

Yeah.

You know.

You know.

You know.

No.

No, I don't.

When I first encountered takes work, I had that feeling that I would get along with this

person.

You know, I felt I felt a connection even then, which is a rare quality for a performer to

be able to reach through the screen and connect to the people then to have the privilege

of getting to know someone who is so endlessly curious about themself and others in the world

who really values personal growth and wants to be a participant in life and relationships

and family.

Yeah.

What a gift.

And I'm eternally grateful and that's all from me.

Oh, that is plenty.

That is.

Thank you so much.

Cheers.

Not a lot.

Not a lot.

Not a lot.

Not a lot.

No.

No.

I'm also earnest.

Yeah.

And that would be the perfect moment for a sound effect for our clank on hand.

Yeah, definitely.

The clank.

Mhm.

Fortune you're next.

Mm.

Yeah.

I think it was, um, yeah.

You're so, um, now you're at the dinner party too.

Okay, yeah.

God.

This is, uh, this is a lot of pressure, you know, being around all of the hilarious people

at this table.

Oh, who's there?

Who's at the table?

It's just the three of us.

Okay. Was I wrong? No, Thomas is there, too. And he's hilarious.

I'm like a butler. My comment.

Can we say Jenner remains?

Jenner and his is there. She's a frog. A Greek salad.

Yeah. Of course. Yeah. And do you want a Stephanie's there, right?

I'm assuming Stephanie's there. Oh, yeah. She was able to make it.

Stephanie's there. Sarah Paulson, someone like that.

I listen, now we're going real wide.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's it's just my core people.

Okay. Your core. Your core. Your core horrors.

Is that a saying? No, I just remind. So I say, wow.

Yeah. Okay. We have to like have a group of people that buy the core horror

horrors. Yeah. Yeah. It's a tier of. Yeah.

Well, you buy the core horror package and you tell us how many shirts you want.

Anyway, or hats. Okay. I did not come here with anything prepared.

Because it's honestly hard to put into words.

How I feel. Yeah. About the person sitting across from me.

Is that where I am? Yeah. You're probably across from me.

That's exactly why I'm excited. Yeah. Because it's a small table.

We're core horrors. Yeah. I'm at the kitty table next time.

I'm not a person that we're here to honor. Yeah.

Celebrate is our dear friend, Tignitara.

Someone who has faced things in life that many of us can only imagine the amount

of grit and strength that it took to overcome these challenges in life.

Someone who took those challenges and dug in deeper to create a life for

herself that she could not have ever imagined that it could have be this good.

Someone who has had perseverance in a way, none of us can understand.

But who loves and appreciates life as a result that every single day

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And we are blessed to share that life with her.

Our friend. Wow.

Tignitara. Cheers.

Wow. Wow. You really understood the breath there.

The breath is no less deeply earnest.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. I'll see it the Oscars.

You will.

That's the beach. My goodness.

I think that needs to be a tradition that we on our birthdays.

Yeah. That we toast up. Yeah. I do too.

I love that. Who's the last one? I have a lot of work to say.

But you were, you know, do go.

I wrapped up in pretty well, but you were ready to claim.

So well, I was trying to, you know, add some comedy to the drama.

You were leaning away from the earnest.

I know. I know. But that's all right.

That's okay. We landed the plane.

No matter what we did.

My most earnest friend is with me on this tour, Matt, who lives in my backhouse.

And it's such a joy.

I'm like, this is why I brought him because every morning, he's like, you know,

buddy, we got to be grateful.

This is really what an amazing experience.

Like to wake up in the city.

It's so nice to have someone just remind you that that's really nice.

Like two Canadian kids who realize what you definitely want that as opposed to someone

who's like, oh, another day, another city.

Definitely want someone who's finding the joy in it.

You know, it was nice.

I saw my grade 10 boyfriend yesterday in Atlanta.

I hadn't seen him since I was 15 years old, and I met up with him.

He's got a baby and a wife in Atlanta.

And the thing that made me feel so nice was he goes, the first thing I remember about you

is that the first thing you said to me when you're 14 and showed up at the school

is that you were going to be a comedian like, I'm like, what an annoying kid.

But also that's so nice.

Like that, yeah, walk a walk a walk a walk a walk a walk.

Now, let me ask you something.

So your friend is on tour with you just to be a positive, supportive, um, pal?

No, no, he's doing improv with me.

So I do, okay, then I do a little.

And it's just the two of you doing it.

Yeah, based on audience questions, but the audience is, they're horn dogs.

They just want to see me kiss anyone.

So they're trying to get me in my to kiss every night, which is every night.

Your particular fans are very horny for you.

Let me ask you something.

When you're kissing your friend, uh, is there a ton?

No, it's like, you can't kiss your friend with.

I don't know what may is up to it's in the fortune, Marie.

No, ma'am, uh, is anyone kissed like that?

Like that, they do.

There's got to be one person that does and they make the noise too.

With them being so horny, are you getting hit on?

Yeah, it's like a little, you hate horny.

Oh, you hate the word horny?

Yeah, we never knew this till now.

We said it a lot.

I finally thought it was time that you know, wow.

Well, we'll never stop using it.

I know you won't.

I know you won't.

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Have you been getting hit on?

Yeah, I mean, people are like,

there's like a, people are intense.

I'll say, like I'm flattered and people are super nice.

But it is sometimes like a bit of a double standard gender wise,

where I'm like, if you were a guy saying this to me,

I would be so alarmed, you know?

And-

Would you prefer that it not be a part

of your interactions with people at all,

or are you like-

It's wild, but it's fine.

I mean, I like that there's like an excitement

and that people-

But sometimes it's so like explicit that I'm like,

and I'm such a people pleaser that I sometimes have,

like I had one regret that someone came up at the meet and greet with

and we chatted and blah, blah, blah,

and then they said, can you sign this?

And I signed it kind of as I was taking in what it was.

And it was, it looks like a legal document that said,

this it entitles the person to sleep with May Martin,

like May Martin's the whole past,

like anyone holding this can fuck basically.

And I was after I was like-

That is weird.

I was like, why do I sign that?

Like that-

Well, I'm surprised my document made it to you.

Yeah, the legal one too.

Yeah, that wow, that's really-

Getting it notarized.

Yeah, you bet I am.

That is wild.

But then you don't want to like,

I never want to be like, oh, that's a bit much

because they've driven hours to come to the show

and they're so sweet.

To get this legal document signed.

They're excited.

But that doesn't give-

Just because they drove a long way, does it mean-

I don't know how to sign the contract.

To sleep with May.

I've never been a piece of me

so I don't know what this feels like.

Oh, please.

You are me.

Yes, you're a prime cut.

I'm a prime lady.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

No, you're a hot son of a s-

I'm a son of a s-

No, 86 documents.

Well, May, it sounds like you're-

Meanwhile, I'm a senior citizen.

It's purpose, it's purpose, it's purpose.

It's purpose, it's purpose.

It's purpose, it's purpose.

It's purpose, it's purpose.

I think the one he's getting that free drink,

I'm just being demure.

You're just son and sex documents.

What a life.

are actually bound to have sex with all these strangers.

What podcast?

What podcast?

Well, should we get to our question?

Yes, indeed.

Yes.

Today's question asker is an actor, comedian,

and podcast host who wrote and starred

in the HBO show Crashing.

His podcast, you made it weird, has been running for 15 years,

and his stand-up specials include Dirty Clean.

I am not for everyone.

And his new special, Silly Silly Funboy,

is out today.

And you can watch it on YouTube.

Pete Holmes is asking today's question.

Nice.

Of course his special is Silly Silly Funboy.

And that is.

We were all supposed to do his podcast together.

It was the first time we were booked as a trio onto his body.

I think forgot about it.

Oh, no.

I don't find it.

I don't find it.

Yeah, I think that's the doctor.

That's also when you get to this age,

it's a full-time job to go to the doctor, by the way.

And then, the first, like, 20 minutes of the pot

or us going, what are things coming?

So we finally, like, runs, we're not.

Yeah, my apologies.

Well, all right.

We're all together now.

Forever.

Until April, at least.

All right, let's hear what he's got to say.

Hi, handsome people.

It's Pete Holmes.

Thanks for including me.

I love your pot.

Valerie loves your pot.

Look, she's wearing the little cap.

Hey, look out.

Oh, yeah, Pete, tell me that I'm kidding.

We're fans.

And my question is, could you share something

that happened that was just completely inexplicable?

Like maybe a psychic, maybe a UFO, maybe a ghost?

Yes, this is something I ask on my own podcast.

But it's my favorite question.

And I'd really love to hear the answer.

I love it.

I mean, I love a lot of what Pete's into.

Like, I'm similar.

Like, I think when we did his podcast,

did we test where you have to close your eyes

and then guess if someone's staring at you?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, you two seem like perfect matches.

Yes.

Every time we bump into each other out

and about within 20 seconds, it's like,

is there life after death?

Conversation circus.

Yeah.

Silly, silly fun boys.

Yeah, yeah.

Some of these things we've talked about on the pod,

I'm always like, what's interesting to me

about inexplicable things is like, in the future,

are we going to find out that it's scientifically explicable?

Like the things that they would have thought were miracles

100 years ago that now science is like, oh, no, that's a thing,

you know?

Like that we have a bio-electro-magnetic field.

Like we have an aura that, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, that feels like a conversation for you and Pete.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, man, I'm trying to think of one stands out.

Do you have anyone have one off the top of their dome?

Yeah, well, the psychic who's...

Careful, Mae.

Oh, my God.

Go to YouTube.

It was an easier plot, your bad flu out.

Flu out.

That was inexplicable.

That was inexplicable.

The psychic who's face melted recently.

I talked about him.

I talked about him in the pod, and it was a psychic eye.

Was it there?

Yeah, yeah.

Psychic eyes on Toronto and her face

shifted into a different face.

Oh, right, yeah.

She told me, like, this can happen than it is.

Yes, and then the one that I've also maybe

talked about is when I manifested my friend David and Nepal,

like, wrote his name down.

He just came into my mind so clearly.

I was up in the Himalayas, and there was a hut

where you could, like, send positive wishes to friends

or whatever, and all these travelers

had stuck it on the wall.

And I so clearly in my head thought,

David Martin, I wrote it down.

Once then I wrote it again on the back, stuck it down.

Not two days later, I'm walking down the street

in Kathmandu, Nepal.

There he is, walking towards me.

This is my, you know, he'd been my Coke dealer in high school.

I haven't seen him in a year.

He was doing an old Coke dealer friend.

No, he was a dear friend.

And then we, like, can we call him Kathmandude?

Kathmandude.

Yes, Kathmandude.

No, he was on Coke, right?

No, he was sober.

He was with this mom.

He was like, and we spent the night that night

at just talking and talking.

But yeah, that felt really, like, I've magnetized him

where he magnetized me, or yeah, that was very weird.

Yeah, what about you?

I've talked about it on the board before,

but my mom always had the most inexplicable thing

happen on the way for me being born,

where she, I'll tell it very briefly, because I know it's all the time,

except not on this show.

Yeah, I know I've heard this.

You really?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Well, okay, then I'll tell it.

And if I, this is a repeat that my co-host don't remember it.

So it doesn't matter.

My mom wanted a girl so bad.

She had two boys, but this was like back

when you didn't know the sex your baby

until your baby was born.

And it was when you stayed in the hospital for a lot longer,

or get a pre and post birth.

And when my mom was in the hospital about to have me,

all the nurses were trying to guess what my sex was,

based on, you know, their experience.

And they said, based on my heartbeat,

I was either going to be a boy or a lazy girl.

Maybe you have mentioned this.

I was like, girl, so chill.

And, but my mom was like, but I knew in my heart of heart,

she loves to say this.

I love it when my mom tells this story,

but she's like, I knew in my heart of heart,

you were a girl.

And even though everybody's like,

this is, you're having another boy,

you're having another boy.

And she said, as they wheeled her out

to have me, this woman appeared out of nowhere.

I say Delarice jokingly,

but she describes this person in a way

that's very similar to Delarice and touch my angel.

But this nurse appears out of nowhere.

She's never seen her and she's been there for a few days.

And she goes, I will see you and your 10 pound baby

after you give, or baby girl.

You and I'll see you and your 10 pound baby girl

after you give birth.

And she said, I can't explain it.

This nurse looked in my eyes in a way that was like,

she's like, I knew it.

I knew she was right.

And it felt very like otherworldly.

And she gave birth to me.

I was a girl.

I was 10 pounds or 10 and a half pounds, whatever it was.

And she was in the, I had a few things

that required me to stay in the hospital for like,

another like six days or five days.

Lazyness.

Lazyness.

Yeah.

And she never saw the nurse again.

Whoa.

And she asked around about this person.

And they're like, what are you talking about?

Yeah.

She died so many years ago.

And they're like, oh, Delarice works here,

but she left for vacation.

I like to say I was ushered into the world by an angel.

Yeah.

I'll see you in your 10 pound baby girl.

It's such a big swing if you're just guessing.

Like that is such a, like, it feels like she knew that woman knew.

And when my mom tells it, she takes positive.

She's very dramatic.

It's a lot more.

You feel when my mom tells you the story,

you're like, yes, origin was ushered in by an angel.

When I tell her, it's not, it does not have the same effect.

My mom gets very dramatic into telling this story.

Classic ginger, just dramatic.

Dramatic.

Taking a lot of creative liberties.

But yeah, she was like, she is convinced

that this was an angel with some sort.

So much.

That's great.

So awesome.

Yeah.

So that didn't happen.

It's technically happened about me, not to me,

but my mom's had several of those kind of things.

I was there.

It was about me.

Delarice brought me into the world.

But I mean, you know, as far as ghosts and stuff.

She can take you right out of it.

You know, you're in trouble.

I'm not had, like, I think ghost wise,

I always say like some people are susceptible to it

and some aren't.

I'm not really susceptible to it.

The only time I experienced anything that was like,

tangible was in the rental house I had

by first season of Fubar and Toronto.

I saw a shadow walk into a room as I was telling it.

It was stairs that I thought it was just jacks.

And I went into the room and she wasn't in it.

And I was like, Jacks, and she was upstairs.

And I was like, were you just downstairs?

She's like, no.

And I was like, oh, that's so weird.

Because it was like the height of a person walking into the room.

Did you move like houses?

Yeah, no, but that, but later that night, we were on the couch.

And I felt a draft go over my arms to the point.

I looked up to see where the air conditioner or register was

and there was none near me.

Wow.

And then I never experienced anything again,

the rest of my four months there.

Wow, I like that.

I don't know, that a lot.

Inexplicable, you guys.

God.

It was Delarice checking on me to see if I was lazy.

I mean, my grandma, I've said this before too,

but we don't remember it.

Let's hear it again.

Let's hear it again.

Well, just that my grandma went to a psychic

and she wanted to contact her boyfriend

who passed away, I think.

And it was a psychic who didn't charge money.

It was like the Chelsea Psychic Society.

And this psychic said, your father's come through.

And she said, well, I didn't really have a relationship

with my father.

He died when I was really little.

I don't, I kind of am here to talk to someone else.

And the psychic said, well, sorry, your dad is here

and he wants to say, he's sorry, he yelled at you

for brushing the fabric on his top hat the wrong way.

And she's like, that's my only memory of my father.

Oh, wow.

Like, what the hell?

That's crazy.

I love stuff like that.

Me too.

This isn't inexplicable, but what is,

because I think it's just based on a soul connection,

but I like when my grandmother passed,

I felt it happened.

And I looked at my watch.

So I knew exactly when it happened.

And I called her house.

And my dad picked up the phone and was like,

can we call you back?

And he called me back home.

And it's later, he's like, I didn't know what to say to you.

Your grandmother, like, literally just passed.

And, wow.

But I've never had that before.

I don't, I think obviously that's not something

experienced with a bunch of people.

But yeah, I've never felt anything like that.

Whenever, where I just like, I was sitting in my bed at college.

And I was like, my grandmother just died.

We're going to find out one day, like,

that all of this metaphysical stuff is real,

like that you are connected to your loved ones

and can sort of, like, quantum entanglement, right?

Like, if, like, a particle in a different environment.

Am I right, guys?

Quantum entanglement.

Hey, ladies.

That's a real thing that you can, you know,

a particle can remotely affect another particle

and, like, they measured the brainwaves of a mother and her daughter.

And they were in separate rooms meditating.

And in the room with the daughter, they were flashing the lights.

And so the daughter's brainwaves were spiking.

And the mother's brainwaves were doing the same spikes,

even though they were, so like, it's, you know, you know,

yeah.

What about you, Tiglet?

Don't have anything.

Tiglet?

That's not true.

I feel like, with Andrea, there's been things around,

around that that have felt very serendipitous in the street.

Like that busker playing the song.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, so many things like that.

Yeah.

Yes.

But I guess that's explicable.

You're like, well, that's Andrea.

Well, yeah, I can share that.

But what I was going to talk about, which I've probably already said,

and, you know, going to the hospital to get Max and Finn,

when I went to fill up the car.

I think I've shared the car, the car that was parked in front of me,

filling up their tank.

I put the gas, whatever the handle in the gas tank,

and then went and sat in the van waiting for it to fill up,

because it was fully on empty.

And the car that was parked right in front of me,

also filling their car up, had a sticker

across the back window that said Finn Max.

Oh, wow.

That is for me.

Yeah, I thought I was hallucinating.

And I was like, what?

And this was like the day they were born.

And so I look it up, and it's a production company.

Finn Max productions.

Wow, that's cool.

That's what it's a Finn Max productions.

And I was saying they're going, Thomas,

when you look that up and see what shows they do.

But it was just outrage.

I've never seen it since.

I never heard of this production company.

I feel like they've done really big things.

And you already had their names, like you said.

Yeah, I already had names.

Mine blind, that's crazy.

Did anything come up with Finn Max productions?

Possibly Shark Tank.

Yes.

Yeah, that's mega.

Yeah.

That's huge.

But I was truly like my eyeballs like a cartoon.

Really?

Boy, I don't know.

So that was a really bizarre moment.

I guess I thought I shared that with you, but I didn't.

But that's cool.

That was inexplicable.

You know, my bus driver is called Jeff.

And he has an identical twin called Jay.

And he was also a bus driver.

And I keep imagining what if they swap out or something?

And I like, should I?

Maybe I should plant things with Jeff that only Jeff would know.

And then I can test to make sure it's still Jeff's up.

Yeah, that's the smart thing to do.

What if that were who's driving?

Of course, for sure.

You might like his brother just as much as well.

That's true.

He said that he's going to wake me up super early,

like in the middle of the night tomorrow

to see the sunrise going into Orlando apparently.

No, thank you.

OK.

No, I mean, you're right.

I'm like, bud, that's something I'm going to let you experience.

Yeah, you're right.

I might have to back up.

If you wake up naturally and you get to see it great, yeah.

So fortune, you're not going to do well

when we have our wellness get away, we can know

because you're going to have to get up early, watch the sunrise,

and drink green juice, meditate.

Take, you know, I'm going to be weeping.

I'm going to be journaling.

I'll be I will be earnest, because I know it means a lot

to the two of you.

So I will participate.

I will not be a I'm not a bus killer, bus killer.

Yes, I I can adapt to the environment.

I'm in.

OK.

Good to know.

But you know, it will be, yeah, you're still

going to find a way to ruin it.

I can I can read between the lines.

I'm good.

I'm good at digging in.

All right.

Yeah.

I truly cannot wait.

And I know that you probably we probably won't find a time to do it, but it I'm throwing

I'm going to start throwing some dates out for you want I won't don't test me because

I will.

And then you're going to be like, oh God, I have to do this now.

Oh my God.

Should we see what Pete has to say?

Yeah.

OK, my answer is I talked to a psychic on the phone.

Val knows the story.

And I wanted to know about this relationship that I was in.

I was kind of struggling in the relationship didn't have anything.

This is important didn't have anything about that relationship on Facebook or Instagram

or anything.

It was over the phone.

I also think it's important to note I wasn't like a really a public person at that time.

And we spoke and immediately this person instituted she's like, you want to talk about

your relationship?

And I was like, yes.

And then my nickname for this girlfriend was book as in booker.

You have something.

Can I talk to you for a second?

We've never met this happen.

We have whenever we mention the next week out.

Can I talk to you for a second?

So this girl I called her book and she called me bug short for booker.

So she said, you want to talk about relationships?

And I said, yes.

And the first thing she said was, who is bug?

That is just that's when that's weird paradigm shift.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I kind of think he's on it.

Everybody that I've mentioned is like, oh, you probably put it on social.

I'm not like that.

I've never been like that.

Oh, wow.

I don't talk about nicknames, pet names.

It was completely mind blowing.

Wow.

She was probably also like, and why do you have a nickname of booker for your girlfriend?

She was like, this seems like it's on the right shoulder.

Yeah.

Maybe she high-tailed it out of town looking for someone to rename her or something.

You cannot have her nickname be bug.

Yeah.

I would be like, time out.

Yeah.

I'm looking for something a little less disgusting.

That's cool.

I wonder if he has remained calling that psychic, because that seems pretty proficient.

Yeah.

He found a good one.

I think, yeah, you should stick with it.

Yeah.

Don't let it go.

Never let go.

Don't let that psychic go, friend.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

You enjoy checking with a psychic every now and then.

I love it when someone tells me, ah, you gotta talk to this person.

Their reading was like so spot on.

I'm like, then I'm like, ooh, I want to talk to that person.

Yeah.

There's a guy in L.A.

The coffee grounds guy.

He reads coffee grounds like a Turkish coffee, and it's a really specific medium, and a lot

of people recommended him to me.

I want to go see him.

He's a part of saw him, and he was, yeah, very accurate.

Yeah.

I would like to start a business where I do it and just try my best.

Oh my God.

That was great.

You know, Tigg reads broccoli stems.

There you go.

See, bring a broccoli stem in, and then she will just tell you what is up.

That's right.

I've also wanted to, actually speaking of New Orleans, I've always wanted to put up an

easel and just, um, I got a caricature.

I got one done.

Okay.

Where is it?

Okay.

Well, it's not unusual.

You were in New Orleans, but I've wanted to, um, to start my own caricature business, or

even just portraits, and then, um, just try my best.

I love it.

And then people are disappointed, and I'm like, I didn't say I was good.

I just, I'm just, look at those biceps.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm trying to stay.

Okay.

Don't go to YouTube.

Don't go to YouTube.

Oh man.

Okay.

I'm trying to stay fit on the bus.

Let's see.

It's working.

It sure is.

Yeah.

That's good.

You like that?

Yeah.

I really like the mustache, too.

Is there a mustache?

Care.

Care, good shirt.

Care, good shirt.

Care, good shirt, good shirt.

We are so wildly offensive.

I'm sorry.

They are the war.

Well, anyone who, okay, anyone who's ever

been like, I drew you.

I'm like, no, thank you.

Yeah.

I didn't even have a spoon.

I don't think it's crazy.

I don't have a big chubby, cheek face, but they like take this, and they run with it.

What do they do with your hair, is my question.

It's, it's usually wildly insane, too.

Like a bird's nose.

There has not been one drawing of me or caricature

or anything that has been flattering.

It is every time I see it, I'm like,

ooh!

Okay, why don't you pay me $20?

How much was your caricature?

Well, the crazy thing was I go, how much?

And he goes, I don't charge.

And I said, well, but how much is it you want to charge?

He goes, I don't charge, but if you want to give me a gift,

so then it was really confusing, but I gave him $20.

There you go.

Well, look at that, right on the note.

So, pay me $20, we can do this at wellness weekend.

You're gonna draw it?

You know we would take good at wellness weekend?

Pete Holmes.

Yes.

Pete Holmes would be down for wellness weekend.

Let's kick fortune out.

Wait!

I told you!

No, no, no, no.

I'm not getting replaced by a boy.

Yeah.

It's going to Tudy fart on ya all the whole time.

Well, yeah, it is a silly, silly fun boy.

And, but yeah, I want to do portraits

and caricatures on Wellness Weekend.

I know mine's going to be great.

I'm telling you, I've never been given a photo angel

that you are.

I've never, no one's ever drawn me in a way

where I've been like, that is so flattering.

Oh my God, it is like, let's take the things

about you we noticed and times it by 10.

I look like a man that has three minutes left before.

Although I did, I did really enjoy the,

remember early on in the pod,

someone made some of our episodes in the cartoons?

I enjoyed that.

I would just really like to,

when someone put our faces on the cast of friends,

or on Jennifer.

Oh, yeah, that's a good draw.

And yeah, well, that was a good time.

What a time.

What a time to be alive.

What a nice grounding check in for me

while on the road to see my pals.

And what a great birthday that I had.

I know, happy birthday.

I mean, and who knows if I won or lost the Oscar?

I know.

How does so wild.

I have a fun announcement.

I just announced a year.

Are you pregnant?

No.

Oh.

I just announced a European tour.

Oh, girl.

I'm going to a bunch of cities.

I haven't been before.

Then I'm very excited to go to like Stockholm, Oslo,

Copenhagen, Oslo, Dublin,

and I will be returning to London.

And I already did Amsterdam,

but I'm super stoked.

They are going to be at the end of May into June.

So for our European handsome listeners,

I'm coming over there.

And then in the meantime,

I'll also be at Oklahoma City, Fayetteville,

and Little Rock, Arkansas, San Antonio, Dallas,

and Des Moines and Toronto,

and then headed to Europe.

Oh my god.

Oh, I'm excited.

Oh, I'm excited.

Australia in August.

So Australia dates are coming.

Is it?

As well.

Oh.

Down on that.

I can talk to them like I saw my Tony cut.

What if he gets to the airport and say,

they turn you away.

I cost him.

No, they're going through the bus.

We appreciate your time.

Dynasty typewriter and Largo.

I'm Los Angeles.

I'll be in New Hampshire, Newtown, Connecticut,

Portland, Maine, Red Bank, New Jersey,

Billingham, Washington, Brooks, California.

It just goes on and on.

Go to Tignotaro.com also.

Check out Come See Me in the Good Light.

Come and Apple TV.

It may or may not be an Oscar board wedding film.

And I want to see you at the Oscars, though.

I know it, girl.

We're going to party all night.

I am tonight.

I'm in Cleveland, Ohio.

Then tomorrow, March 25th, I'm Pittsburgh,

then New York, Philadelphia.

But check out May Martin.net in April, I'm everywhere.

I'm actually everywhere.

So please come.

Yeah, girl.

One of the April shows, girls.

And also, we have new merch available at handsomepod.com.

We have cheese in my pocket and party kisser.

Oh, that's going to sell like cuckoo cuckoo things.

I have cheese in my pocket.

I wish you were a killer.

You have these crazy silly things

I have on all the pods and stuff.

There's like a shirt.

Yeah, it's amazing.

We have great, great handsome and pretty little ladies

and babies.

And we'd love to keep building this community.

So please subscribe and rate and review.

It is so important to the show.

And share this episode with a friend or family member

and say, come on, come on.

Join the handsome community.

And until next time, what do you say, we keep it handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro,

and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com.

And please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

What a podcast.

What a podcast.

What a podcast.

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Hey, everyone, this is Natalie.

And this is Charlie.

We're from the podcast exploration live.

It's really funny.

It's really good.

It's really, really, very good.

And now we have a YouTube channel to go with it.

That's exactly right, Natalie.

You can watch full video episodes of our podcast

exploration live at youtube.com slash exploration live podcast.

That means that in addition to the audio component,

we're also getting a video component, exactly,

where you're seeing our reactions,

what kind of clothes we're wearing,

and there's a whole suite of dynamics

and physical expressions that you can really only get

from a full video.

Body language experts to the front.

Exactly.

Come check out exploration live, either audio or video.