Productive and Unproductive Regret

Hello my beautifully fierce friends and welcome to this week's episode of

Simply Stable. So this week I want to think a little bit about productive and

unproductive regret. Okay so I am starting to realize that there really are two

different forms of regret. One is productive and the other really isn't. So let's

say I regret stricking my finger in the electrical outlet when I was five

probably didn't but we'll say that I did. That is a kind of regret that is our

brain and body's way of learning from experience and saying okay that that was

not safe. Let's not do that again. So that is productive regret. We don't hold on

to it though, right? Like okay not doing that again and then we move on with

life. Unproductive regret. We learn from but then we sit in it. So for example

let's say we're fixated on the fact that it's March and we haven't lost weight

yet. We set a goal in January to lose weight or to pay down the debt. Whatever it

is. And what we're playing over and over and over is again is I haven't done

it. I can't do it. It's not going to happen this and that. So that would be

unproductive regret. So for instance for my wife and I right now we really are on

track. We have made so much financial progress to have everything paid off by

the time that our son finishes middle school and have a savings. But sometimes in

the moment it's very easy to spiral, right? Like we're in our 40s. There's a lot of

shoulds. We should be further along. We have friends who are. We should. We should. We should.

We shouldn't all over ourselves. And sitting in a spiral that keeps us from taking

action. And that's just not productive. If like me at one point I'm sitting there

going. I'm 200 pounds. I haven't lost weight. I can't lose weight. I should. I should.

I should. Honestly with that drove me to do was pick up the beer and the bag of chips

and the and the candy at the end of the day. Like the unproductive regret actually pulls you

back instead of pushing you forward. So how do we get to that space? How do we get to that space

where we go? Okay. So far here's what I've learned. We actually have to stop and think about it

instead of going I should do this. We have to stop stop and think about what we have done.

And what the lesson it is. So and maybe it will actually change about change what you think

about where you're at. So when we stop and we think about our financial situation.

We think about the fact that we consciously made a choice that time to us was more valuable than

money right before COVID broke out. And what that has afforded us over the last six years

is time as a family that we would never have gotten otherwise. Experiences in some of the most

beautiful places in the country we wouldn't have gotten otherwise. Time with my aging parents that

will will never be able to buy back right. Like there's always another day to make money. So

can we sit there and spiral about the truck note and the camper note and the debt for my life coaching

certification? Absolutely. We can or we can think that we have built a life that we don't regret a

moment of. We wouldn't trade it. And so now the next three years moving forward we're wanting to

shift gears. That's what we've learned. We want to shift gears. By time my low hits high school

we want to have the debt paid off. And we're on track to do it. So from this point forward

instead of worrying about what we haven't done we can focus on what power we do have.

If it's something big and you need to apologize and you need to make amends,

then do that. Or write a letter that you don't have to give to someone. If it's if it's a harm

towards someone else or yourself sitting in the regret of that likely is just causing you to

buffer and repeat the patterns that led you there. It definitely did with my weight. Like I felt

awful about myself. So I didn't exercise. I didn't go outside. I didn't eat right because I was

sitting there feeling awful about myself. Instead of going okay what have I learned

that this is getting me nowhere that I need help. That I can't apparently do this on my own

because I don't have the knowledge or the ump or I need to know how to get started. And so

like the time and the money that I spent on getting my health together also wouldn't trade a bit of that.

I also I am just it takes me longer to learn things. And so because it takes me to longer to

learn things what I have learned is that then helps me teach people on a level that I wouldn't

have had it come easily. So I can't regret that either. I can have remorse for wrongs that I've

done. But this is what I want you to take out of this. Write down all of the good, the bad,

the ugly about your regrets. Do you really regret it? Did you learn not to repeat that action?

Because really if you're repeating the action you haven't learned. And the regret is not productive.

It's unproductive. It's pulling you back. It's holding you back. It's spiraling. You're doom

scrolling. You're eating more. You're going out to buy a beer because you're worried about your

bank account. And so when we have to become aware what is the actual situation? What is it?

What's the number? What's the baseline? What's the target that you didn't hit? What is it? And then

work from there because now you know what doesn't work. Now you know what doesn't feel right. And not

necessarily good. Honestly sometimes building health and wealth and abundance in your life doesn't

feel good. It feels like bravery. It feels like honesty. It feels like integrity. It feels like

determination. It doesn't always feel like rainbows and fairies and pixie dust. It feels hard.

But also sitting in that regret feels hard. And so that's the other side of it. Like is it

harder to sit in regret or is it harder to learn from it and do the thing? I think it's harder to

sit in the regret. And to continue sitting in regret from not doing the thing over and over again

and pulling yourself back and beating yourself up. Like really that to me is what unproductive regret

is. It's a form of self abuse. It's a form of not loving yourself. It's definitely a sign

that you think you've done this thing that you can't get over when really you can.

You can. Regret is a signal. Hey fire. Back away. Too hot. Back away. Okay. We learned.

And so that is really what I want to challenge you with. If it's March you set new years goals

and you never got with them because life got crazy. Welcome to the club.

Welcome to being a woman of minority, a human with a conscious in America right now. We're all

right there with you. But it's March. It's spring. I think it's my favorite season of all right now

on the coast. It's just I mean the greens are unreal. The blues are unreal and I'm walking around

and I'm seeing all the critters and they're a little bit of a nuisance but also they're reproducing.

They're coming out. They're awake. They're alive. There's feistiness in them and they're ready to

get this year going and move their species forward. And so if you haven't set under your

goal no worries. Let's get busy now. Set a habit. Pick a habit. I've been walking about 15,000

steps every day for 21 days now whether I felt like it or not and it's breathing new life into

me in so many ways. It's helping me regulate my emotions as as we go through political and personal

turmoil which I spoke about a little bit on a previous episode which I can't still can't go into

more detail about. But let's do it. Let's do the damn thing. I'm teaching a class at the end of

the month in shelter cove at end of the lost coast March 22nd at 11 a.m. I will be helping people

coming out of a wellness week and take the retreat with them and build micro habits into their life.

And I cannot recommend it enough. When I stick to the habits that I've worked so hard to build

you over the last two years when things happen or when I want to regret I just keep thinking about

the fact that I did learn. I'm not the same person. I'm not making the same mistakes. And I am

fully worthy and deserving of my own love and compassion and understanding and patience as I

build back stronger and better than ever. I love you all. I honor you. Please like and share.

I am certain you see it grow around the world and I'm so excited to leave a legacy for people now

and for women in the future that no matter what happens I will have stood up and used my voice

and help people create better, happier, wealthier no matter how you define wealthier, more abundant

lives.