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Hey, I'm Josh Speagle, host of the podcast, Lunatic in the newsroom.
If you enjoy journalism that drifts into mild panic, wild overthinking, and a guaranteed nervous breakdown,
Lunatic in the newsroom is for you.
It's news like you've never heard before.
The only newsroom with a panic button.
You'll laugh, you'll cry, and gasp and horror as the show spirals completely out of control.
It's not just news, it's emotionally unstable.
Lunatic in the newsroom.
Listen today.
Quiet, please.
Quiet, please.
The mutual broadcasting system was then quiet, please, which is written and directed by Willis Cooper,
and features Ernest Trepple.
Quiet, please.
What an eye it is called.
A good dog, darling, and comes to you transcribed from our studios in New York.
Oh, are you married, sir?
Well, except my congratulations.
I was married once.
Oh, no, not now. I have a dog.
He's around somewhere, around his something, behind something, waiting for chance,
and if my ankles are in place, it's more serious injury if she can.
Talker Spaniel, an evil little beast named Olivia.
Yes, it is rather strange name for a dog, I agree, but you see my wife.
Was named Olivia.
That's the name of...
Shut up, Olivia.
Olivia, dear.
Olivia tried to have a mind of her own, but then Olivia had a mind of her own.
Dear, dear.
Yes, he really did.
While I was married to Olivia, I was never allowed to smoke in a house.
I had to get out of the basement, sitting for the furnace when I wanted to smoke.
Now I invite your attention to the pipe rack.
That's not one pipe, but fourteen pipes, one for each day or a week, and one for each night.
And I smoke whenever I want to.
Now, for example.
So many times I wanted to say that to my wife.
So many times I wanted to talk to my wife.
I do so.
I was murdered.
But I didn't.
Oh, no.
Now I can say, shut up Olivia whenever I want.
If I can even suck you, Olivia, if I feel like this.
If I could, uh, uh, oh, oh, oh, no.
I wouldn't murder you, Olivia.
Why no darling?
Being a dog, tough enough, isn't it?
I don't suppose you have a men in tight superior sales from the poor dishes.
That's socially, I mean.
I may have called upon you at your home possibly, but I doubt you'll remember me.
That's one of the two parts of success as a salesman of recycled media.
To submerge one's own personality in the personality of the product.
No man, however impressive, can possess the sheer impact and pain in those twenty-four
volumes bound in half Morocco, complete with index and merely supplement and yours for only eight
dollars a month.
What are you having to say?
Excuse me.
Do excuse me.
You can understand, oh, why it is that I've been something of a
concern to my profession.
I live, eat, drink, and sleep.
And, like, if you've got a decent meal on this menu.
Yes, Olivia, no.
Don't you, darling?
Oh, I'm not going to talk to you, am I dear?
I was saying, uh, oh, why not?
Yeah, I tend to be getting out of the mind and I must do something about that.
I was saying that an insightful superior is not only a postal thing to have around one
semester, but it's actually useful as well as ornamental.
One can find the most amazingly useful ideas in an insightful superior.
Something you'd never expect, Ethan.
And you?
Oh, my.
Oh, I'm not trying to study an insightful superior, sir.
It's really after hours, although I always say that the true salesman keeps no
office hours.
He's something like a soldier I always feel at fancy,
free.
Did you hear that?
That's just the way my wife used to wax whenever I saw something.
Oh, Olivia, you're wonderful.
Let's shut up, darling.
Our papa will snack your caboose for you to the stripper.
Oh, that's why she waits at the well.
I shall buy another one.
I shall buy a pair of it.
You see, you know, don't I, Olivia?
Human beings have advantages that little dogs don't have.
Human beings can go to stores if you want it.
And little dogs can't.
You get papa on it?
Nobody has.
No, we fall comfort.
No, we feed.
Nothing.
She's in that hospital.
What?
Oh, what?
Sure, she's crying.
All of your cries are lost when I talk to her like that.
You know, an encyclopedia is a wonderful thing.
Just think what the encyclopedia has done for me.
Oh, yes, I make it surprisingly comfortable living to her by telling it,
but I suspect that I am probably the only encyclopedia
chosen in the world who reads his product.
It has taught me a great deal.
Let me give you an example.
Just, uh, I don't like any volume there at random.
Just any volume.
Uh, this one?
Good volume, face.
Masked?
Then, uh,
my ears are not a coincidence.
Even Olivia sees what I coincidant to do.
Yes, you know this volume, don't you, Olivia?
You certainly do that, Olivia.
That's a shut up, dear.
It really is the same face no coincidence that
you should take this volume.
Look,
look, how it opened,
you hold open to page 3,144.
Olivia, be quiet.
Uh,
look at page 3,144.
You see the heading on that page?
Read it yourself.
Masked from four years.
Yes, it?
That was Olivia's downfall.
Oh, I didn't believe in Masked either,
but I was off-blade tired of Olivia.
So I won't tell you all the things you did to me.
You did, Masked.
There's two or three other volumes on the shelf there
that are putting, well, some.
The one labeled,
boy,
to something else,
and the one labeled,
bird,
to something else.
But this?
Yes.
This one?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Now, look,
this formula here.
Read it.
No, no, no, don't read it all.
I'll read it for you.
I won't read it all to him, Olivia.
One dog with enough tears.
Listen.
Hey, guy,
there's a rubber band.
Highland.
See this one, the more humankind.
See this one, the man, the woman,
the ox.
Be this one,
the third,
and thawed.
See this one,
hanged,
and clawed.
See this one,
the dog,
yes.
Ah!
Do you feel strange?
Do you feel your
shackled, begin to rise?
If I don't worry,
I won't read it all.
Look, you don't know, Olivia.
You have good dog, darling.
Oh, yes, that's right, yes.
Yes, I tried it one night.
One night, I have to live here,
and my wife had been exceptionally fine.
She gone to bed.
I went upstairs with the volumes,
hoping to pay 3,147 in my head.
Olivia looked charming in her sleep.
She was a happy blonde.
Hered just the color of the little crocodile.
All I did was read the formula all the way through.
And as I whispered the last word,
the ones I didn't read for you.
Why, then, on the bed,
with the cutest little cockest senior you ever saw,
Paul tangled up in a nice job.
Why, how do you do, sir?
Do you remember me?
Grover Hayes?
Who in psychopetia salesman?
I knew that would place me with you.
You remember what I said when we met?
Talked that I quite was just a nerd.
The analogy in that of my father?
He can't be here.
Oh, Olivia?
Olivia Fives.
Thank you.
Olivia's in fine feathers.
I'm taking from the muscle pork.
Yes, I just got to do something about it.
You've got my wife again today.
Oh, yes.
No, I'm sorry, yes.
I'm married again.
I know one would think what is that always proper?
Once, definitely, twice time.
Well, but really, Olivia never bit me.
Not until after our little evening with
$8,000-$3,000 before itself.
And now, she's joined the embuzzle.
Well, I suppose it's just because I can't resist women.
That was one of the things that Olivia
objected to.
It made things quite unpleasant.
