Quiet Please - Little Fellow

Quiet, please.

Quiet, please.

Quiet, please.

Quiet, please.

Quiet, please.

Quiet, please.

The neutral broadcast system presents Fire Cities,

which is written and directed by William Cooper,

and which features Ernest Chappell.

Quiet, please.

What tonight is called Little Fellow.

I can do something you can, though.

I can walk under a table.

No, let me stand in a straight.

When you got a table, I'll show you.

You're just looking in the right place.

Down here.

See?

Don't see three inches, that's me.

Make your day of all day,

or Christ, the smallest man in the world.

With capital letters, the smallest man in the world.

The 25 cents, a quarter of a dollar, paying six nickels.

You can come and stand and dock at me

like all the other folks say to me.

And snicker at the cute little man on the platform.

And ask the dumbest questions in the world.

And I have to smirk back at you and be polite.

When I get the 802 bucks, I got my gross bag

to bring each and every one of you.

Preferably with a sponge.

We're going to take longer that way.

So I can walk under a table.

What's up, huh?

No, but what's the heck it's delivering, isn't it?

I got a job while you've brushed everything twice,

but you've spent a two-bis to take against with me.

Save it for your loaf of bread for tonight's supper.

So don't laugh at the magic challenge.

You know, just as funny to me as I do to you.

You know what I mean?

I got friends, see?

Now stick mine up against yours.

Like darling, friends.

Hey, darling.

What?

Be the folks, darling.

That's gonna sound.

Loveable people, darling.

That's okay.

Darling loves practically everybody.

I live off of that.

Well, that's what I said.

Darling's a magician, pal.

Darling saw his ladies in half.

And boy, what I give a quarter to see him

saw some of your gals in half.

No, I'm not a bitty peasy.

Some of your games would stand in front of my platform

and near at me.

Whisper and see he and grin at me

would get a great big ugly mouth.

Yeah.

Now you give a flock of quarters for that, darling.

Okay, so I sound better, huh?

Well, pal, see, how would you sound

at practically everybody?

You know it three times as big as you.

There, take it easy.

I'm not going into my song in dance for you.

Just to think about it sometime while you're resting.

It'll give you the willy.

Yeah, maybe it's got no dignity.

You get introduced to a full-size character

and a giggle when he shakes your hand.

You do it too.

Yeah?

Do you ever re-gibbon's decline

and follow the Roman Empire?

Well, I did.

You like poetry?

Well, I do.

And I get it published.

Publishers doesn't know I made it.

You got 14 sister clothes?

Well, I have.

All right, I said I wouldn't cry for me.

Oh, gosh, it'd be something to be able

to look up beautiful girl in the eye sometimes.

What else isn't your head back

like your gaped at that thing

on top of the Empire State?

Look under the eyes

and not have a foot on that silly smile,

girl's feet for puppies and kittens and cute babies.

You know what I mean?

Ah, I guess you don't.

Well, have me to check out our starting.

I didn't take one yourself.

These are Corona Belinda's belt.

These 60 cents per copy.

What do you smoke?

I know what's cracking you, Meza.

You think you do, huh, darling?

Girl trouble.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It's none of your business, bud.

I'll leave it.

Did I say something about your business?

Jennifer.

Lay off a Jennifer.

Jennifer's a nice girl, mate.

I think so.

Seeing a fat lady in a bad magazine

you're going to sit down a lot.

She and I love what you do.

What's this love stuff?

Answer the question.

So she is to what?

She's a nice kid.

Also, she's about 10 times as big as me.

Would you marry her?

Would you always high-size?

Huh?

Well, how you would want to be

a little bit taller, darling?

Sure.

Say, like, three times as tall as you are now.

Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be okay.

Uh-huh.

Well, shut up.

I'm a Meza.

I'm going to stay in Meza.

Huh?

I wish there was something to this here.

Magic rack of the yours.

You mean?

Huh?

Does that make a magic pass

another cousin on full size?

Yeah.

About the only way I'd ever get to be?

That's right.

So let's talk about something else, huh?

You really love what Jennifer, I'm famous.

For the record, darling,

I am beating my brains out about her.

You'll love it.

Yes, I do.

Now, shut up.

Meza, I'm going to do something for you.

For how much do the brain?

Let me offer a token.

This here thing is an ancient Egyptian genuine scary.

I'll afford your grossly mills, brother.

This is legit magic, Meza.

This is an ornament from the royal robes

and play a feature on the beauty and siren of the Nile,

handed down from brother to son

in an unbroken generation from the days of the Pharaoh.

Here's your time of birth.

It's yours, Meza.

You're using it.

What's the point?

You get three wishes with it.

You're going to share three?

Yep.

What was it?

Never mind what they want.

You use it.

It's yours.

Okay, thanks, darling.

I wouldn't give that thing to everybody, Meza.

Okay, you want a place of focus?

Be careful with that thing.

Do you want a place of focus?

Listen, lay that thing on the table there,

where you can't preach it.

Why?

You think I'm going to play focus

with a guy that's got three wishes in his mitt?

How stupid can you guess?

Well, anyway, it's a pretty nice.

Better be a pretty nice at the job

and 46 bucks it at all, but...

I should play poker.

I should play marbles or something.

Man, that's not going to sit down as much as the guy

looking to move.

Yeah.

Oh, boy, Jennifer.

Oh, Jennifer.

Gosh, if I was only a post-sized guy.

But you're wishin' though.

Jennifer, baby.

If I was a post-sized guy,

I could get a job.

And I wouldn't have to have people

staring at me all day and all night.

And I don't enough those those

you wouldn't have to be a fat lady anymore.

And we'd have such as one time.

Ah, that girl in the widget.

Terrific break first.

Ah, that's...

Oh, golly, look at that room.

I sure was Jennifer with here.

Jennifer!

Ouch!

Where did you come from?

What?

Oh, ninja!

I was sound asleep.

And all of a sudden boom, here I am.

I didn't see you coming.

Did you walk in your sleep, darling?

Oh, my goodness, my night cow.

What are you pleased with this?

Get here, get here.

It's a safe take, my cow.

I'll put it over my head.

Oh, my goodness.

I don't know how I got here.

No kidding, darling.

And now kidding.

I'm asleep.

And then I'm here.

Oh, what a bump.

Good thing I'm well padded.

Oh, you poor, darling.

I gotta go back.

I can't sit here on the beach in my night gown for heaven's sake.

I know no certainly not.

No indeed, Jennifer.

You can't sit at the cold or something.

Darling.

I gotta go back.

I'll walk you back, darling.

This here is the most mysterious thing I ever heard of.

Do you all say it is?

Shall I walk you back?

Oh, goodness, no.

What do people think if they see me and you walking along the beach?

In my night gown.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, gee.

Well, pardon me, dear.

I must have been senamiolizing.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Black?

Uh-uh.

I was just thinking of something lovable.

Do you love me?

Uh-huh.

I said, do you love me?

I'm pleasantly curious.

I love you all so.

Good night, little fella.

Good night.

400 pounds of sweetness.

Oh, I have it in two.

Oh, no, no, no.

Congratulations.

It's my new diet.

Good night.

Good night, dear.

I still wish I knew what happened.

It was a pleasure, lovely.

Uh-uh.

Listen, dear.

Before you go, just one question.

If I was a full-size fellow like, uh-uh.

Would you marry me?

I'm marrying right now, sugar.

Size, y'all.

I love you, sweetheart.

If I was like, uh-uh.

Seven foot high.

Oh, boy.

Kiss mama.

Good night.

Good night, honey.

Good night, baby.

Oh, boy.

What a girl.

Oh, boy.

What a girl.

Oh, boy.

What a girl.

Oh.

Now listen.

Maybe that was an accident.

Maybe Jennifer was walking in her sleep.

But if she was, she sure arrived with a bang.

Could it be?

You supposed it could be?

Well, my girl, you've advised it.

Sure.

Could you pet her gimmick in my pocket?

Oh, okay, clear.

Let's see how magic you are.

Wait a minute.

I'd better get out of here in the open.

Where I will...

Open anything, if it works.

Okay.

Yeah, now.

I wish I was three times as big as you.

Hey.

Hey, look at me.

I'm seven.

Hey, my clone.

I exploded right out of them.

Oh.

Hey.

How's that?

It's me, darling.

Oh.

Jennifer.

What are you doing running around this time and night?

I've been salambulating you.

Huh?

I was asleep.

And all of a sudden, I've only been sitting on the beach for a long time.

I'm five a major.

And my nightmare.

You're talking about it.

I'm telling you the truth, darling.

I never walked in my sleep before, neither.

In fact, it is, wait one wish.

Say, you wasn't walking in your sleep, Jennifer.

I never did before.

You didn't bedtime, neither.

I didn't.

How did I get out there, then?

They wished you there.

Say, I mean, are you crazy?

No.

That's what happened, Jennifer.

I'm crazy.

It's magic, sweetheart.

What kind of magic, darling?

Little thing I gave some in.

Yeah.

You know why?

Egypt can scare us.

Hand it down from brother to son since the times of the Pharaohs.

It's a big way of faith, man.

Yep.

Get three wishes with a day.

You wish you was there?

You wasn't there.

How do you like it?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

That's what he said.

I asked him if I'd marry a little bit full of size.

That's what I give a to him, bro.

The wish is enough, huh?

That's it.

You're gonna go win.

I'm going.

And I'm going to get past.

And I'm going to go find a major watch and win.

I hope it'll work.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to marry a little bit full of size.

Is that right?

Huh.

Hey.

Hey, darling.

Huh?

Did she go on?

She went down the hall to her room.

Good.

What's the matter with your boy?

I'm freezing today.

Well, come on inside.

Why, I can't.

Unless you're sure she's gone.

Why?

I exploded right out of my clothes.

Yeah, what?

All right, come on, she's gone.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Well.

Uh-huh.

Hey, don't.

What?

Boy, just said I wish I was three times as big as me.

Huh?

I didn't work that down.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey.

Hey.

Why didn't it work?

Well, I couldn't.

I ain't got it.

Huh?

Well, I got you.

I busted out of my clothes, didn't I?

Hector in the million pieces down there on the beach

and there's the gimmick with him.

Let me have bathrobe, will you?

Oh, goodness.

Where is it?

Where can it be?

It's so dark.

A major.

Major?

Now, you would like to buy this pumpkin once.

Oh, there's so many pumpkins.

So good as I did catch cold.

Major?

Oh, where in the world?

No.

No, it couldn't be here.

Ouch!

Oh, I can sink him down into the sand so far.

Major?

Where are you?

I haven't hear where we were.

I can tell it.

I remember this pumpkin.

Oh, oh, I fell in a hole.

Oh, oh.

Well, that's where I landed before.

Now, where is he?

Major?

Major?

Where are you, little fella?

What are all these rags here?

My gracious.

He's both on fish for them.

Oh, and mess all this clothes here and rags.

Oh, heavens.

My goodness, what's this now?

Looks like an iron beetle.

Oh, he dropped the genuine Egyptian scarem that was handed out

to all the sailors and clear patrons.

Oh, oh, golly, he didn't get to wish.

Heaven, I can't bend over to see these rags.

Oh, no, he'd be wearing a suit.

He went back to the boarding house to wish him.

He forgot his wisher.

Oh, oh, my gracious.

I'll find him when I'll do it.

I'll make his wish for him.

Oh, boy, boy, boy, will you be surprised?

Oh, my darling, little fella.

Now you're going to be a big man.

Oh, I wish he was full of time.

I guess he is.

What happened, darling?

My gosh.

He expanded me.

My goodness.

Hey, put your feet on the window.

Let's see what's going on, boy.

What?

I busted the window.

It's the one day you didn't bust down the whole house.

Yes, yes.

I've never seen such a big man in all my days.

Well, but doesn't I grow?

Oh, Jim and me.

Look at me.

I didn't do a darn thing.

I just ended here in Covangol.

I'm here in the Roman.

And outside, quote.

I hope nobody heard it.

We'll have the cops.

You and your magic.

I cost plus your knowledge.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't hit me, mate.

Don't hit me, yes.

What?

Well, I made your wish.

Don't call me a major anymore.

I got promoted.

Let me fix this, darling.

I can't done.

Fix this, mate.

General.

Why can't you?

I had all my three wishes.

Besides, I ain't got to give it.

Somebody must have it.

Somebody wish me this, mate.

Jennifer.

Huh?

I told Jennifer about the gimmick.

She said she was going to go out and find you again

and what you wish.

Well, then, she must have found it in place.

That must be it.

Well, all we've got to do is find her

and have her wish me back to where I was.

Sure.

Let's go look back.

Good grief, darling.

I skipped it out of the room.

Thank you for your 30 feet high.

Yeah.

I see what you mean.

Don't get that quick.

When you're more crafty.

Thank you, I can't stand this.

This is worth a bit of it.

Well, move your hands, then.

I can't open the door.

What's up, you habit?

Who's that?

Is that you, darling?

Is the nature there?

Well, then.

Uh, part of me.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah!

That is good.

All right.

Oh, he's been enlarged.

Oh, darling, what's happened to you?

Nothing's happened to me, Jenna.

No, I need my darling.

What's darling been doing to you, darling?

Listen, popcorn balls.

Did you find a little thing like a beetle

out there on the beach?

Is that where you've been?

Yes, I was.

Did you?

I'm getting confused.

What's that thing in your hand?

Oh, well, the iron thing.

It's the wishing thing.

Yeah.

Well, listen, honey pun.

Did you make any wishes?

Well, I only wish to do these four times

as big as you was, dearable.

Yes, but I was already three times as big as I was.

You're confusing me again.

Well, listen, honey.

I wish myself first.

And then you wish me.

Give me the thing.

I got one more wish to get back to normal.

You got two?

No, I wish you are there on the beach on me, see?

Oh.

Thank you, dear.

Darling, it's the...

I'm all cracked up.

Oh, goodness.

Yes, we like you, take it.

And wish quick.

I don't like you very well this way.

You're holler, so.

Just let it in a pinch.

You have goodness here.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Stand back, everybody.

Hey, wish I was back to normal size again.

Wow!

Oh, look.

You're a naked again.

Oh, ma'am.

Now look what we've done.

You, darling.

What kind of dirty magic is this?

I'm gracious, Anna.

No, ma'am.

Only I think you ought not to have said normal size.

This is your normal size.

Oh, boy.

I am a dead pit.

Oh, no, no, no, darling.

I make where I start in season the first time, sorry.

I love you, ma'am.

You know what?

You don't want to marry a magician.

Oh, ma'am.

It's so confusing when you're magic darling.

I told you to be careful of the three wishes, ma'am.

I told you.

You remember that?

Here, Jennifer.

Take this dirty thing and throw it away.

Oh, darling.

Gosh.

I wish I was a ninja too.

Oh, Jennifer.

Oh, nakedly liar.

I'll give you all tangled up in your psyche, please.

I eat myself a squid.

I eat myself a squid.

I'm so sorry.

Oh naked less.

We have talked the same size.

Isn't it logical?

Do you think so, Jennifer?

I love it, you're a star.

I love it.

Oh, well you look wonderful to me.

Oh, but sweet potato. You're a miser.

I know it. And I love it.

Well, if you don't like it or something, Jennifer,

you still got one wish, you know?

Oh, Grace, I have a doubt.

A Jennifer, you're not.

You're not.

You're not.

I wish we were married right this minute.

So, well, the people that wanted to get married?

Huh?

Who were you, Mr?

Well, I'm a justice of the beast.

And by a strange coincidence, I happen to have a marriage license in my pocket.

Now, where are these people, if you please?

We're down here, Mr.

Hey, look, we can do something you can't do.

We can walk under a table.

You may have listened to Quiet Please, which is written and directed by Willis Cooper.

The major was Ernest Chappell.

The major was Ernest Chappell.

The major was Ernest Chappell.

The major was Ernest Chappell.

The major was Ernest Chappell.

And Betty God plays Jennifer.

Lone Clark was dolly in the justice of the beast was Katamale.

Music for Quiet Please is composed and played by Albert Berman.

Albert April is our sound technician.

Now, for what about next week's Quiet Please?

Here is our righted director, Willis Cooper.

It would certainly be a great surprise to all of us, including myself, if we didn't have a Christmas story for next week.

This one had a somewhat unusual setting.

It's Berlin, 1945.

And so until next week of this time, I am probably yours, Ernest Chappell.

Quiet Please, pay for you from New York.

This is the mutual broadcasting system.