Revive Our Hearts Weekend - 3 Life-Changing Lessons for Young Women

Are you a young woman? I mean, I'm talking about college girls, young professionals, our

new moms, our girls in their 20s and 30s. If so, today's episode is for you. Titus 2 invites

older women to teach the younger women, and today we've got three life-changing lessons

for you from some of your favorite Bible teachers. They've got years of ministry experience

and wisdom to share on some topics that are especially relevant for women at your age

age. So today you can consider Nancy Demoswalgamuth, Mary Cassian, and Kelly Needham, your spiritual

moms. Oh, and I'm your host, Danny Grush. You're listening to Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

One of the most beautiful things about being part of the church is that we gain a spiritual family,

a family that includes older, wiser women to train us up in Christ. One of those women in my life

was Tippie Duncan. And Tippie taught me how to become a full-on adult in my 20s, really.

And she taught me about things like forgiveness and redemption and Jesus, but she also taught me

very practical things like how to handle my emotions as a mom, as a wife, as a woman in business.

And that wasn't necessarily an easy thing, but it was an important thing. I want to pause and say,

you know, if you'd like to have a sneak peek into the life of an older woman discipling

to younger women, we took some time to videotape a conversation with me, my friend Erin Davis,

and Tippie Duncan, who was a spiritual mother to both of us. You can watch videos about

Tippie Duncan and our relationship with her. Just go to the transcript of today's program at

ReviverHearts.com slash weekend, and click on today's episode. Now back to emotions.

Titus too encourages older women to show younger women how to be self-control. And you know,

I found a big part of self-control lies in how we respond to our emotions. I had a conversation

about that with my dear friends, Nancy Damoss, Walgamuth, and Mary Cassian. You know, Nancy,

as my co-host on ReviverHearts, Mary is also a frequent contributor and a true woman conference

speaker. But what you should know about both of these women is that they're faithful spiritual

mothers, investing in the next generation through their biblical teaching and examples.

They've spent years walking with the Lord and learning to navigate their own emotions in a

way that honors him. Let's listen to part of our conversation. So there's this kind of push pull,

is Yin Yang here about emotions. You say they're a gift. We know they're a gift. God has emotions.

Jesus expressed emotions. Believers are encouraged to express emotions and not just happy ones,

but sad ones as well. And yet, our emotions can own us, can be the boss of us. And we all know what

it's like to feel like we're, it's that time of the month or it's that just hard season of life.

And we're, we're under the pile of emotions. And that's not how God intends us to live either.

Well, in the beginning, God created us to have our minds and our wills and our emotions

work together that synced up, synced up, all agree and all move in the same direction under

his authority and Lordship, under his authority and Lordship. But what happened after the fall,

after sin entered in, was our minds and our emotions and our wills started pulling in different

directions, you know, that now we can go, yeah, I know I should do that, but we don't have the will

to do it. Or we don't feel like doing it because our minds and our wills and emotions aren't on

the same page anymore. Because of sin, we've been fractured. In fact, one of the scripture verses

says that your passions are at war within you. They war against you. They fight against you.

So your feelings can fight against your will, your feelings can fight against your intellect,

what you know you should do. I see that all the time. I go through it all the time that I know,

but kind of syndrome and just simple is I don't feel like getting out of bed right now or

I don't feel like helping this friend who's going through a hard time or I don't, or I know I

shouldn't be flirting with my boss, but he makes me feel alive. Or I know I shouldn't be indulging

in another glass of wine, but I know I shouldn't be following this path, but. And when you have that

kind of pull going on, you know that your emotions are at war with your mind, your emotions that

are at war with your will because you're not able to do what you know you want to do.

Which is what Paul said in Romans, I know what I'm supposed to do. I spirit part of me. The

follow-up part that loves Christ wants to do what's right. But then I have this part of me that

my flesh that says, no, I want to do what I want to do. That's the emotions, the mind, the will

and the emotions at war with each other and against God, which ultimately, you know, if we indulge

our emotions like I wouldn't mind having like half that basket of chocolate, you know, and

there are times I'm not craving it right this minute, although somebody listening to this conversation

maybe, but there are times when I think it's calling my name. I have to have that. Well, if I give

into any rogue emotion that ends up in my heart, I'm going to become a captive. I think I'm

free to do this. I want to do this while do this. Great day, great freedom. But then you end up

feeling sick to me or, you know, 20 pounds overweight or just depressed or, and I'm not saying

all those things are always connected, but we can end up being slaves to our emotions.

I think that's one reason why the scriptures instruct that we should fast. I don't know that

that's really about the food. I think it's about our flesh and our emotions are a piece of our

flesh. And I think when we fast and say, for a period of time, I'm going to have this type of

self-control over what I put in my mouth, that is our spirit saying, I'm in charge here.

And I'm going to make my decisions based on what God's Word says, not based on what you feel,

not what you want, not what you're having a passion or desire for right now, flesh me quiet.

To me, a lot of the battle is also, and I think for all of us as women at times, is stopping to

assess, are the things I'm feeling right now? Are they reliable emotions? Are they based in truth?

Or are they emotions that I need to bring into subjection to truth? Now, emotions in and of

themselves are not sinful per se, desires, but sometimes we want to fulfill those desires in an

illegitimate way, in a way outside of what God says we ought to be doing. So I think it's really

important for us to not suppress or deny our emotions, but to examine them and to see what kind of

truth or what they are saying to us, and then to bring them together with our minds and our

intellects and our wills, so that all three were bringing back together into balance and to use

our emotions to help us think the right way, to drive us to truth of Scripture, and then

to counsel ourselves so that we're not just bringing our emotions and having our emotions

drive us around, because emotions were meant to be like a dashboard. They're like indicators

on your car's dashboard to give you good and vital information. How's your engine running?

Are you low on fuel? Is your door open? It needs to fasten your seatbelt. What do you need to do?

But the lights aren't doing the driving. You need to be behind the wheel and you need to take those.

Yeah, you need to take control of what you're seeing on that dashboard. So now you don't ignore them,

but you use them to move you in the right direction. So the way you say it is habit number four is she

engages her emotions. I like that because you're not ignoring them. You're not being managed by them.

You're engaging them. And you're saying a weak woman is managed by her emotions. Yeah, she either

denies them or she relies on them. She lets them drive her around, but a spiritual strong woman

manages her emotions. And here's the thing about when you know Jesus, you have

not just your own emotions to deal with on your natural emotions, but because this Holy Spirit

is in us, he gives us the power of a greater love. Yes. A love for Christ and affection for Christ.

And if we're fueling that, we're going to have less trouble being driven by emotions for things

of this earth. Because God made us for heaven. He made us for eternity. He made us to long for what

is ultimate and true and beautiful. So we want to be emotionally alive. Absolutely. Christ.

Yes. Loving him and focusing our emotions on him. We want our emotions to be full and engaged.

I think everyone who met Jesus became alive. There was something their emotions just took off. They

bloomed. They blossomed. And I think that as we bring our emotions to Jesus, he helps us with them

because he's not only Lord of our bodies and our minds. He's also Lord of our emotions. Yes.

What a great conversation there. With Mary Cassian, Nancy Demaswagamuth, and yours truly,

Dana Grash, my dear young friend, you don't have to let your emotions rule you. I know they can

feel so big sometimes. I struggle with that still. But Jesus is Lord even over the biggest,

most turbulent emotions you experience. You can engage them, manage them, and respond to them

in God-honoring ways with His help. And you know, a lot of young women also have questions about

their purpose. That makes sense. You're still figuring things out. You're launching into life.

Maybe you're a young professional and you're asking, what does God really want me to do with my

life? Maybe you're a young mom and you love your family, but you feel a little aimless in your day

today. Maybe you feel a deep desire for significance, and you aren't quite sure what to do with it.

If any of that resonates, Kelly Neeta is your girl. She's a wife, mom, bible teacher, and author.

She's written a book called Purpose Fould. Why chasing your dreams,

finding your calling, and reaching for greatness will never be enough.

My good friend, Portia Collins, talked with Kelly about this book, and I'm excited for you to hear

their conversation. Here's Portia. I would love it if you could start us off by sharing some

common misconceptions that you found people having about purpose, about finding purpose.

Yeah. Well, I think those misconceptions are everywhere. They're in the culture, but they're

also in the church, and in ways that we don't realize sometimes. And I would say they boil

down to this. Anytime we attach our purpose to a verb to something we do, it becomes problematic.

But by and large, that's how we understand it. When we talk about what was I made to do,

you hear do is in how we describe it. What was I made to do? What was I made for? We usually are

thinking about an activity set before us, even in the church. We sometimes think about that,

like a specific maybe calling or task. But as soon as we attach our purpose to a verb,

we now need to do that thing to be okay. My purpose is to write. My purpose is to be an author.

Then as soon as I'm prohibited from writing, because of just changes in my season, whether it's

childcare changes, whether it's a sickness that I'm dealing with or one of my kids is dealing with,

I'm now sequestered to this area of meaningless living because I can't live out the thing I was

made to do. So I think that's by and large the biggest problem. We're being trained to say

purpose is what we do. But I think the Bible teaches us that our purpose is not a verb, but a noun

that we were made for a person that our purpose is attached to God himself, which infuses all

of life's seasons with meaning. Absolutely. You're already hidden those touch points already.

What I call telling my business, because I have found myself struggling in the very same ways,

exactly what you described, I have definitely been there. In your book, you talk about the hunger

for the extraordinary, and I would love it if you could give us the cliff notes here, like what do

you mean by the hunger for the extraordinary? And why do you think that we are so drawn to that?

Yeah. I mean, I think that's a human longing. We can sometimes peg it on technology, right? We're

all obsessed with being YouTube stars now or something like that. But I think if you look at

Genesis, you see the Tower of Babel. I mean, from day one, human beings are like, how can we build

something amazing that screams were important and extraordinary? We've done this big thing,

so I think it's in us to long for something out of the ordinary, something transcendent.

And that's why we want to build legacies and start things and be famous. It kind of leads to

all of that. But I actually don't think the longing of itself is wrong. I think it's just misplaced.

If we're made in the image of the living God, I mean, the one who designs galaxies and upholds

black holes with the palm of his hand and yet designs every snowflake differently. I mean,

what we're made in his image, it is no wonder that we long for something transcendent

otherworldly because we were made for something bigger than this world. We were made for him.

The problem is we take that big, deep, aching longing and we try to channel it toward things

we can do. Even sometimes in our mother's head, we can see it in ordinary and extraordinary,

like, I'm going to mother so well, I'm going to like, people can write books about this later,

right? Or I'm going to start this non-profit and do this or whatever it is, whatever mountain

we're trying to climb. I think ultimately, like the book of Ecclesiastes will say, you can get

to the top of that mountain and there's nothing there. Everything under the sun is meaningless.

God himself is the only one who can hold that weight, fill that deep ache in us for transcendent

purpose. So I think the ache is good, but it's just misplaced when we look to be extraordinary

ourselves instead of looking to the extraordinary God. So that makes me want to dig in a little bit

deeper. You're saying we have, we're a bit disillusion when it comes to

purpose and we are chasing the extraordinary, which is not inherently bad, but our way of doing that

is not correct. And so I want to know what's the danger, what happens in a woman's heart

when she is trying to or just striving to quote unquote find her purpose?

Yeah. Well, I think when you go down that path of, I need to find my purpose, find my unique

purpose, right? You've now opened the door for, I think, endless self-discovery and

because that bottom, that pit is never ending, right? Who was I made to be? And in each new season,

now I'm asking, what am I supposed to be doing in this season? And in this season, I mean,

it's just kind of an endless pit of looking inward at myself. What was I made to do? And then now,

whatever I just, whatever I land on, whatever I decide is my unique purpose now becomes my Lord.

I now am going to bend over backward to do that thing. And I'm going to see any hindrance to

being able to do that thing as a problem. And even if God is orchestrating my days to put good

opportunities for me, if they appear to me as a hindrance to the unique purpose I think that I have,

they now become obstacles to leap over, not something to receive an embrace from God.

So I think that's one problem, but a second problem is it keeps us as the main character.

I'm still thinking about what I need to accomplish in the world instead of letting God be the main

character of my own life. That he now is the one acting before I had a conscious thought in Psalm

139. He is moving and acting in our lives. Do we see him as a main character? Does he have the right

to be that main character role in our lives? Are we trying to kind of squeeze our way in there?

And most of us trying to because it feels great to be the main character in a story and to be the hero.

But ultimately, that's not who we are. And honestly, that's too much pressure for us. And at the end

of the day, we're just burnt out and exhausted when we try to fill that.

It's Kelly Needham reminding you, you aren't the main character of your story.

Isn't that actually such a freeing thought? We don't have to be the hero because Jesus is,

and we belong to him. Speaking of Jesus being the main character of your story, Nancy

Damas Walgmou says one of the most important things you can ever do is get to know him.

When you do, it'll be so much easier to trust him. To surrender control of your life to him and to

say, yes, Lord. Here's Nancy with more wisdom, just for you. And let me say, by the way,

to you younger women, I'm so glad to see some younger girls with us today. I can remember being

at your season of life and in the journey as I still am of getting to know God, but there's so much

more I know about him today than I did back then. And it took faith to say, Lord, what I know of

you, I trust. And what I know of you, I will submit myself to. But I'm so thankful I've been in

a journey of getting to know him better. Because the better I know him, the more I realize he really

is worthy of my trust and my whole hearted surrender. There's such a battle for control that goes

on in our hearts, isn't there? We will gladly yield control of our lives. Even that wording suggests

that it's not always easy that sometimes our will conflicts with his will. But as you read the

scripture, you see that the wind, the waves, nature, demons obey his word. How can we resist him?

Every part, every area of my life is to be under the control of his spirit.

Is there any area of your life where you haven't yielded control? Where you are

reserving the right to make the final decision? Any area of your life? We will yield control to

Christ as Lord. That by the way is the number one cutting edge commitment. We have 12 of them in

revival hearts. We call them cutting edge commitments. And the number one cutting edge commitment of this

ministry is the Lordship of Christ in the authority of scripture. And here's how it reads,

our lives and ministry must be built on a non-negotiable lifetime commitment to the Lordship of

Christ and the authority of scripture. His word must determine our philosophy, direct our decision

making, and reign supreme over every area of our lives. That's just a way of stating what this

statement is in the true woman manifesto. We will gladly yield control of our lives to Christ

as Lord. Now we need to remind ourselves that he is Lord. We're not making him Lord. He is Lord. All

authority in heaven on earth has been given to me, Jesus said in Matthew, chapter 28. And in his

message on the day of Pentecost, Peter said, let all Israel be assured of this. God has made this

Jesus whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ. Now if Jesus is Lord and he is, the implication

of that is that he deserves our absolute unquestioning obedience. We have to do what he says to do.

And Jesus asked in Luke chapter 6, why do you call me Lord Lord? But you don't do what I tell you.

See, it doesn't do any good to say yes, Lord, as we encourage women to say in this ministry and

at our true woman conferences, we say yes, Lord, yes, Lord. But it doesn't do any good to say those

words. If in your heart, you're not yielding control to him as Lord. And by the way, the great

model of this is the obedience of Christ to the will of his father. He gladly yielded control.

He submitted to the will of his father, Psalm chapter 40, repeated in the book of Hebrews.

Then I said, behold, I have come in the scroll of the book. It is written of me, I delight to do your

will. Oh my God, your law is within my heart. Jesus said, God, I love you and I delight to do your will.

Your law is within my heart. I have a heart for your law. That's the example we have in Christ. And

as he lives in us and fills us, he will put his law within our hearts. And he will give to us not

just a grudging obedience to God's law and to God's ways, but a delight to do the will of God.

And I should point out that this heart to yield control to Christ as Lord is an evidence of true

salvation. If you're not saying yes, Lord, with your lips and with your life, you have no

basis to have assurance that you were a child of God. So often today we have people in our churches

who are living in willful, known, unrepented of sin, yet claiming to be Christians.

Some of you have children who are prodigals, and they're living in willful sin, perhaps a

an immoral lifestyle, living in overt, non-rebellient. But you're saying, oh, they made a decision for

Christ when they were three years old. I know my child's a Christian. I'm just praying, you'll come

back to God. Your child may not be a Christian at all. Don't assume that your child is a Christian

or your mate or yourself. If there's no evidence that you have a heart to say yes, Lord,

to obey God. What you may need to be praying for your mate or your child is Lord, bring them to

recognize that they are not a Christian, that they need to be born again, that they are lost.

Don't let them be resting on a false assurance, professing something that there is no evidence

that they possess. You see, when we say that a person can make a decision for Christ,

and then live any way they want to live, we're implying that salvation is a profession at a point

in time that doesn't necessarily change the way you live, that doesn't require surrendering your

life to Christ as Lord. Sadly, this has been characteristic of so much evangelism that's been

done in the last century. As a result, there are millions and millions of people in this country,

people in your church and mine who think that they are Christians, but who really are not.

There's no heart to obey God. Now, some of you are saying, oh, but I've disobeyed God. Are you

saying I'm not a Christian? First of all, I can't tell you whether you're a Christian or not.

I can also tell you that if you are a Christian, there will be times when you disobey God.

But what I'm saying is if you don't have any bent, any inclination in your heart to obey his

word, then you have no basis for assurance that you're a child of God.

Here's how we know that we know him if we have a heart to keep his commandments.

Now, to say yes to Christ as Lord, to say yes Lord, it requires faith. Because on the front end,

when you're facing a decision or an issue in your life, all you can see is the downside,

the pain, the cost, the negatives, the fears, the loss, the hard place. If I say yes Lord,

I'm looking at some single women in this room, maybe he'll never let me get married.

Or maybe he won't let me marry the person I want to marry. Or if I say yes Lord, my life is

yours, my body is yours, maybe he won't let me have children. Or maybe he'll give me a lot of children.

Or maybe he'll send me to and you name whatever it is that's the worst place you can think of on

earth that you don't want to go. Maybe God will make me do this or won't let me do this or I won't

have any fun or I will be miserable. There are fears. With the faith, those fears with faith. And faith

helps us to see that on the other side of obedience, there is always joy. There are treasures,

there are pleasures, there are riches, there is a place of abundance. Now, I didn't say there's an

easy life, because there's no easy life this side of heaven. But there is joy that comes after

we step into the pathway of obedience and say yes Lord, regardless of what we feel, what we think,

what we want, and we let him be Lord. And remember that this is not a one-time choice,

not a one-time decision to say yes Lord. Saying yes Lord is a way of life. Saying it many times

daily, it's an ongoing thing in life as God brings new things into our lives in new seasons of

life saying yes Lord. It's rendering to the ways of God, which sometimes may involve tragedy

and loss and pain and mysteries that we can't explain. Saying yes to the will of God. That might be

motherhood. It might be saying yes to singleness. It might be saying yes to infertility. It might

be saying yes to stay in a difficult marriage. It might be saying yes to vocational ministry,

but it's knowing that God is good. He is God. His ways are best. And so the heart of the true

woman is the heart of Mary of Nazareth who said, I am the Lord's handmaiden. I am the Lord's

bond servant. May it be to me, as you have said, Luke chapter 1 for 38. Yes, Lord.

Oh, so good. That's my wise friend Nancy, inviting you to surrender all of your life to the Lord.

It's not easy, but I think every woman you heard from today would attest that it is good.

I've been at places in my life where I wasn't surrendered to the Lord, and I felt the distance

in my relationship with Jesus, and I felt a level of dissatisfaction even if I was successful

in earthly terms. But no matter what's going on in my life, success or none, there can be terrible

failures all around me. But when I am surrendered to Jesus, it's good. My prayer is that you

precious friend would learn to say yes, Lord, that you learn to say it now, so that when trials come,

you'll be steady, confident in the Lord's gracious providence and love for you. Your emotions

won't get to be the boss of you. You'll know where your purpose lies, and you'll be prepared to

surrender everything to follow Jesus. I hope today's lessons from these mothers in Christ have

given you a beautiful vision of what that could look like. You know, we're able to bring you this

kind of teaching because listeners like you give to support our outreaches. Revive our hearts

wouldn't exist without so many friends of the ministry who've donated, whether it be one time

or on a regular basis. If today's program was an encouragement to you, would you consider making a

donation? When you do, you're partnering with us to reach more women, young and old, with the

message of freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ. As our thank you for a gift of any amount,

we'd love to send you a copy of Nancy's booklet, A Deeper Kind of Kindness. It's a resource that

invites you to display the gospel in all your relationships. To give and request your copy,

visit ReviveOurHearts.com. Next weekend, we're talking about the sweet gift of sisterhood,

and we'll unpack what it looks like to be a faithful sister in Christ. I hope you'll join us for

that. Thanks for listening today. I'm Dana Grash. We'll see you next time for Revive Our Hearts Weekend.

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan,

calling women to freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ.